How To Read People

0:04This is the Ed Milet Show.

0:30question and maybe it'll end up on the show. This week's topic is really about reading people, creating a little bit more happiness and bliss and productivity in your life by dealing better with human beings, whether that be in a relationship or in your business life. And so I'm going to give you some advice you probably never heard before. But what I want you to do is I want you to begin to turn the volume down on the people in your life. Actually, what I want you to do is I want you to turn the sound off altogether, almost like watching people in your life like they're a silent movie. I just watched a movie recently, and if you don't like violent stuff, don't watch this, but it's called Sisu.

1:03And in this movie, it's basically an actor that you watch through the entire movie. The lead character of the movie doesn't speak. He never enunciates a word in the entire movie, yet it's gripping and compelling because you actually learn to love this person and understand them by watching actually how they behave and what they do as opposed to what they say. So you spend a couple hours watching this man go through terrible circumstances after a war, but you end up rooting for him and loving him and understanding him very deeply and he never speaks a word. See, in our lives right now, people really can manipulate you with language and words are used to really manipulate and trick.

1:43They're almost a mask. And we begin to believe what people say. And this can be very serious. I've had some situations in close relationships recently in my life where somebody was telling me something over and over and over again, but all of the evidence to my eye said something else was going on, but they were so persuasive with their words that I took my eye off what I was actually seeing them do. And so especially in personal relationships, so often what people will tell us, we want to believe and we want to buy into, and it's a diversion from actually what they do. You would learn a lot about the people in your life, especially the people very close to you, if you turn the sound off and just watch them.

2:23I know this sounds sort of harsh, but I really don't listen to what people say to me very much anymore in my life. I watch what they do. What they do speak so loudly, I can't hear a word they're saying. Yet most people live differently. They respond to the words and the things. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. There's someone in business. I'm so motivated. I'm so excited. Great. Prove it. And when I watch them, they don't act that way. Or I love you so much, I'll do anything for you. But they don't even clean up their dishes. They don't even get home on time, whatever it might be in your relationship or in your business life.

2:56And so if you begin to watch, remember those old silent movies, the old black and white movies? They do entire movies with no sound because it's so interesting to watch a human being. Words are misleading. And so many of you in your life right now, you're in a relationship with somebody who's saying all the right things. And you may even believe them right now. And the truth is they don't behave in a way that's reflective of those words. And it won't be until years and years and years of that behavior catching up with them that you finally realize it. But what if you just started to listen a little less and watch a little more?

3:28Some of those behaviors can be really detrimental and harmful too. And if you're not watching and you're always listening, you can become very, very confused. The other thing is in business. You know, people will say the right thing all the time. But you've got to watch them. What do they do? How do they show up? How do they work? How dedicated are they? We've become a world really misled by language. And it can be really painful, can't it? When someone's words eventually you realize never match their actions. Or in business, it can be catastrophic to make mistakes and watch people say all the right things.

4:02But their conduct is not congruent with their words. The other thing is in life is that I think the people that you want to be around the most actually do act the way that they speak. Those are the people that you can get closest to. Those are the people that you can trust. Too many of us rely on the spoken word and not enough on what we're seeing right in front of us. And it's not until many years or long after you go, it was right there. The writing was on the wall. I saw it. Why didn't I act on it? Because you were listening too much. And so the best advice I can give you to live a happier and more blissful life, and it's a sad thing to say, but the truth is is watch how they behave.

4:38even as a parent with our children. It's not what they say, it's what they do. In every area of life, what someone does should be speaking the loudest, but it doesn't. And then even on your own life, what if you begin to really take a look at your own actions, what you actually really do every day? If you really love somebody, do you act like you love them? Do you treat them like you? See, love is a verb, not a noun. It's a verb. You have to act in a certain way and behave in a certain way. And if you're not doing that to somebody, you're not loving them like you should. You say, I'm dedicated, but you're not there very often, right?

5:18Or as a parent, I'll do anything for my children. You say all these things we're supposed to say, but do you? You'll do anything? Really, do you? In business, man, all the right things. I'm motivated. I'm pumped up. I'm learning. I'm growing. Prove it. Do it. And so in our lives, eventually, by the way, eventually everybody is revealed by their deeds. Everybody is revealed by what they do, not what they say. And you'd be a lot happy if you did it. The other side of that too, it's something that I really worry about, is social media, where we're watching people say all the right things. See, the one thing on social media, especially this time of year, is everyone's out having a great time.

5:56Everybody's partying. and everybody's celebrating, right? And a lot of times you're sitting there with your own problems, your own life right in front of you, what you've got to deal with, the actual things, actually things you've got to do, and you're watching people show you all this very orchestrated, very curated content. And it seems like, doesn't it seem like in life everybody's at a party, everybody's on a yacht, everybody's in Greece, everybody's laughing, everybody's got great friends, everybody's enjoying their life, everybody's got plenty of money to spend, and then you're sitting there dealing with a problem, a frustration, an issue.

6:30You're dealing with the things you do, and it's one of the real detriments of social media. I want you to remember this. None of that's real. I'm with those people a lot of times when they're posting it, and they're in an argument with their spouse before they take the beautiful picture. They're struggling to pay the bill at the bar that they're celebrating and toasting to. And so it's not real In life it's never as good as it seems And the truth is it's never as bad as it seems In our lives But it's very easy to get very jaded and frustrated And down over watching the words of people on social media Or even the videos they post In little snippets of their lives And it makes us think our own lives aren't all that rewarding I want you to remember something that I've really found out as I've gotten older Everybody's screwed up Everybody's got problems.

7:23Everybody's struggling. Just some people are better at masking it. Some people are better at covering it up. The truth is, once you know that, and by the way, I'll let you in on the inside. I have some of the most successful people in the world on my show. I coach some of them. I've been blessed to coach some of the top athletes in the world, some of the top business people, CEOs, entertainers, politicians, even myself. I have a laundry list of problems all the time. I'm struggling most of the time. And I'm probably guilty of it as well, posting highlight reels of my day and my life when the truth of the matter is I'm screwed up.

8:02I'm just trying to figure things out as well. I think one of the reasons my show works is I'm vulnerable and authentic about that, that I'm working through many of these things. Success leaves clues. I'm 52 years old. I've got a lot of solutions because you know why? I've had a lot of problems. I have a lot of answers because I've had lots of questions in my life. And so don't let other people fool you into you believing their life is perfect because you're watching them. If you begin to watch people with the sound off, with the social media off, you'd understand we're all human beings. We're all trying to get through this life and grow and improve and be happier and create memories and make a difference.

8:39We all are. We're just at different stages or different versions of it. And sometimes people are further down the road of solving those problems, maybe like myself. But by no means did I not go down that road. By no means are there still not issues and problems and, quite frankly, tragedies often in life that happen from time to time. But we'd all be better suited if we were aware that that's the case. We'd all be better suited in our relationships and in our business lives if we did the silent movie. turn the sound down, turn the volume all the way down. How are you really treating me? How do you really behave?

9:18How loving are you really? How dedicated are you really? How committed are you really in our relationship? At work, how motivated and hardworking are you really? How much do you really care? And we only know that by watching. We've become a world conditioned to listen, to listen, to listen. We've become a world conditioned to look at social media and really believe that's real life. That's not real. And in your real life, neither are the words people speak. I'm not saying that people don't have beautiful words and mean them. What I'm saying is we're fooled by them often. We're deceived by them often.

9:58We're manipulated by them often. And it may be we are because we want to believe it. Maybe we are because we would just like to believe that that's the case. And you know what's really cool? The great people in your life, the loving people in your life, when you turn the sound down on their life, they're even better. In fact, most of the great, loving, and amazing people in your life don't spend a lot of time with their words trying to convince you. They just quietly go about their lives showing you. In your business life, it's not the person who stands up and speaks all the time. It's the person who draws very little attention to themselves and just serves and makes the difference.

10:36Think about that if you have a great mom like I do. When's the last time your mom bragged about the things she did for you? My mom has never once said, you know how many meals I cooked for you? Do you know how many times I wiped your nose or your butt or took care of you when you were sick? Do you know how many times I picked you up from school when I was sick and didn't want to? How many times I held you when you were crying or I drove you home from a sporting event after you struck out three times? How many times I've stayed up nights waiting for you to come home when you're in high school to make sure you were safe?

11:09How much praying I've done for you and loving I do? How many minutes a day, even now that you're in your 50s, I think about you and worry about you? Our moms never point those things out to us. They just quietly do them. And probably neither do you. With the people you really love in your life, you don't need to point it out. You don't need to say it because love is a verb. Work is a verb. Service is a verb. Contribution is a verb. And so start to turn the sound down. Man, your life will get better. It's maybe the number one key I could give you to be able to make better decisions, to assess people, to judge properly, to navigate your life, to decide whether to stay in a relationship or a business, whether to hire somebody or not, is to watch them with the sound off.

11:59And then lastly, watch yourself with the sound off. When you turn all the noise down on you, what are you doing every single day? See, when you drown out all the noise, all the social media, all the distraction, our life comes down to a handful of moments every day of the decisions and choices we make. and when we make the right decisions and take the right actions, the words will come. The accolades will come. The rewards will come. And eventually, everybody's revealed. If you're a person of faith at some point in your life when you get to heaven, you ain't going to talk your way in there, right?

12:37You're not going to talk your way in there. It's the life you lived. It's who you accepted and believed in when you were here. That's what's going to count. It's not the words. Words go away real quickly Actions live on forever Actions are like seeds that you're planting That reap a harvest Actions vibrate at certain frequencies And attract certain things in our life Words don't vibrate at very high frequencies It's a very low frequency behavior Actions and intentions vibrate at the highest possible frequency And they eventually draw into our lives Basically a harvest of which we've planted with our actions And so I just want to encourage you to do that.

13:16The people that I've admired the most in my life, and I'm a speaker, by the way, so I do a lot of words, and I host a lot of podcasts, and I do a lot of interviews, and I coach a lot of people. But in my life, the people that I've listened to that closely speak very quietly, speak very little. They're the ones that I lean in when they speak because they don't have a lot of time to speak because they're doing so much action-taking, so many deeds of service and love and hard work and contribution that the few times they do speak, you really want to hear from them. You all know this. You have that person in your life that when they speak, everybody listens because you respect them so highly.

13:53And the reason you respect them so highly is not the previous words they've spoken. It's the previous actions they've taken and the actions they've taken consistently in their life over and over and over again that reveal who they really are because long-term in our lives, you show me your schedule, you show me your actions, you show me the behaviors of your life, and I will eventually show you your life. You show me your words, and I have no idea what your life's going to look like. So take it from a guy who's lived a little longer than many of you. As I've gotten older and older, I listen a lot less, and I watch a lot more.

14:31I listen a lot less to myself, and I observe and watch myself a lot more. and I certainly don't pay attention to what I see on social media because I know better. I know we're all a little bit messed up in trying to get through this life. And by the way, when I say we're all a little bit messed up, I actually believe we're made perfect in God's image, but that we were put here to grow and expand and that we're given these challenges and these problems in our life as ways in which to reveal solutions, as ways that our faith in our lives is revealed. In my own life, I have to tell you, I've reached the conclusion many different times that I'm not capable on my own and that I look higher.

15:11I look to Jesus in my life, in your life, whatever God is for you. But I look there for my comfort, for my answers, for my solutions because I'm not always capable. I'm not always worthy. I'm not always ready to meet the moment. But he always is in my life. And it's not because of the words that he spoke. It's because of the deeds that he did, because of the way that he lived his life, that I follow him. And because of the way he lived his life, those words have depth and meaning to me because they're congruent with the actions that he took. I hope this helped you today. I know it's brief, but it's really, really important.

15:56and I guarantee you there'll be a moment in the next few days where my words will be a healthy reminder to you in some situation. This will not take long to make an impact on your life. It will not take long. It may not even take that many hours before a situation is going to come up and you're going to go. I remember what he said. I'm going to watch this with the sound off here. I'm going to begin to watch it like a silent movie. Watch this person like a silent movie because once they behave in the way that is congruent, then their words really have impact and meaning. It's like a validation on their behavior.

16:27All right. I hope this helped you today, everybody. That's why I do it every single week. I'd ask you to please subscribe to the show if you haven't. Please share it with people. This is very important that you share it so that this word spreads every single week. We just give people something to improve their life. And if you also need any more help from me, I'm speaking in my friend Brennan Burchard's app, growthday.com forward slash ed you can go there and get some help and some tools as well all right everybody god bless you max out your this is the ed mileage show