How to Rebuild Your Life When Everything Feels Broken | Ed Mylett

28:33And when you get to that end of your life, there was this great study recently that said the top five regrets of the dying is the whole reason I did today's show. Let me tell you what they are. Big survey that they just did. Number one regret of the dying. They said, I wish I would have stayed in touch more with my friends. I said maybe 500 times on the show that people matter and things don't, but we get so caught up in the pursuit of things so busy in our lives. But I can tell you the biggest regrets of the dying, one of the five, is they wish they would have stayed in touch more with their friends.

29:09Number two thing they regret, in no order. I wish I would have expressed how I really felt more often.

29:19So many people go through their entire lives and don't express how they really feel. The love they feel for somebody, how they're really feeling inside about themselves, how they feel about the people that they work with they feel like they're going to see them forever so they don't need to express that maybe they don't want to express when they don't want to do something but they do it anyway they agree to go to things and participate in things they don't want to do but they're afraid to express themselves and say no i don't really want to do that maybe they participated in so much gossip in their lives they wish they would have just expressed this makes me uncomfortable i don't like this they spent time with people they didn't really want to spend time with they did not tell the people that they loved often enough how much they loved them and what they loved about them number three is i wish i would have lived a life more true to myself and not lived by the expectations of others so many people live a life and a script somebody else handed them maybe they didn't live by the virtuals and morals that they wanted to live by maybe they didn't say no enough maybe they didn't express what their dreams and visions and goals were you imagine getting to the end of your life and one of the three biggest regrets of the five i didn't live a life on my own terms i let the expectations of other people guide me by the way expectations are limiting beliefs the dream stealers of life the people we held on to in our lives way too long that no longer fulfilled us no longer brought us joy and bliss and laughter and love and happiness the places we didn't go because our spouse didn't want to go and see it or things we wanted to do and achieve and try that we never did because the expectations of other people were we weren't good enough or it wasn't going to work out or they projected their own fears and limiting beliefs onto us but at the end of life people wish they stayed in touch with their friends more.

31:19They wish they would have expressed themselves and how they really felt. They wish they would have lived a life on their own terms and not on the expectations of others. Number four, I wish I would have let myself be happier. I think it's so fascinating how that was worded, let myself, because that's really what it is. Happiness is already within us at any given time. We can tap into it anytime I want. They didn't say, I just wish I was happier. It's not when someone says at the end of their life, they say, I wish I would have let myself be happier. Just let myself. Because it's always there. It lives within us.

31:56It's part of who we are. But we allow all these other things to blunt it and block it. Stress, worry, depression, fear, anxiety, stuff. Instead of just letting happiness be in our lives. At the end of your life, when you've got very few hours left, days left. Don't regret that you didn't stay in contact with your friends more. People matter, things don't. Don't ever get out of this life without expressing how you really feel, your beliefs, what you stand for, who you love, why you love them. Live a life on your own terms and not the expectations of others. Go for your dreams. Make something great happen.

32:38let yourself experience happiness it's your birthright and number five I wish I wouldn't have worked so much so you know how when you're doing something that's good for you and then you stop doing it all of a sudden you feel what the heck changed so here's what happened to me I've been feeling great for like a year and a half it's because I've been on IM8 then we moved to our place in Maine and I didn't bring my supplement with me so if you've been looking for something easy to stick with that actually makes you feel better, this might be it. For me, it absolutely is something I rely on and I noticed when I missed a few days.

33:12So give your body what it deserves with IM8. Go to im8health.com slash ed and use code ed for a free welcome kit. Five free travel sachets plus 10 % off your order. So seriously, this is one of those offers you're going to wish you jumped on sooner. That's im8.com slash ed and use code ed for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets plus 10 % off your order at imadehealth.com slash ed, code ed. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. All right, I love when you guys send messages out on social media about the show.

33:52And lately, I've been getting a few of these messages about my wardrobe. I was wearing this sweater, this tan sweater, and I kept getting all these messages from guys going, where'd you get that sweater, bro? So I'm gonna tell you where I got it. I got it at Quince. A well-built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and they hold up over time. That's what Quince does best. Here's the most important part. It's affordable. Don't break the bank, right? Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that can keep you warm and changing seasons, everything for everybody.

34:22Okay, go check them out. Quince works directly with top factories, cuts the middlemen so you're not paying for brand markup. So refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash ed for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com slash ed. Free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash ed. We can get really caught up in doing instead of being. And there's a nuance to life of both. I remember when my uncle Mike passed away. He was very young. He was 48 years old.

35:09And someone got up. It was his son at the funeral. I was still pretty young myself. And my cousin said, and he loved his dad. His dad was a very hard worker. And he said, I think daddy worked himself right into heaven. I've never forgotten that. and that was a badge of honor that he had worked so hard and

35:36you don't want to just work all your life experience life work is one of the great things in my life it's service it's it's an expression of who i am it's my art form but the same time is there's a life away from work and i think you know that as well Those are the five regrets of the dying. Now, here's the cool part. At the end of your life, I want to have you have the five things you're most grateful for, you're most proud of. The moments, the memories, the contribution, the people, the difference you made, the things you saw and felt and experienced. We don't have to get to the end of our lives with five regrets.

36:19We can get to the end of our lives with five things we're most proud of. five things we want to honor, five things we want to pass on to the next generation, five things we want to celebrate. And that's what I want at the end of my life. And it's what I want for you at the end of your life. And hopefully today's show helped you get there. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out with Ed Milet. To my left here is Dave Meltzer.

36:51Welcome, brother.

36:52Ed Mylett:I talk about brother, you are brother from another mother. I can't believe the similarities. I hope it's interesting to other people. I know. We think it's interesting, but hopefully it's interesting for all of you. Dave's the CEO of Sports One Marketing. He's also one of the great philanthropists in the country, and he's an interesting man, and that's why this conversation today, I think, could alter your life, too, because he's a sports agent, but he also does all these other things. He's been successful in the real estate space, in the technology space. He's now in sort of the life strategy and coaching space as well, but when I first started to read about you, I thought, I'm gonna meet this sports agent guy.

37:24He's gonna be intense. He's gonna be kind of a grinder, you know? And I found out it was almost like I'm meeting the Wayne Dyer of sports agents. You know, I'm this very zen, very energy-based guy like I am. And so we share a whole lot in common. So today's conversation, I think you're gonna love everybody. So people that are watching this, we all have a lot of friends who are thinkers, meditators, prayers, and they don't ever produce results, right? And I think the reason for that is, because there's the workers, like, you know, I'll work everybody, which I subscribe to. I know you do too. But having said that, I so agree with getting aligned first.

37:59But I think a lot of people go, yeah, that's puffery. But this is important for you to know. A lot of these folks who kind of get aligned also leave out part B. Would you agree with that? Which is the work part.

38:08Ed Mylett:I have the same. And it almost short changes the message. Yeah, I have the same, right? You're not going to ever find me sitting at home high on my mom's couch trying to manifest a Ferrari. Right, exactly. Right? That's not going to happen with your airplane, right? That's not going to happen. Yes. What I did learn is I will sit for 10 to 20 minutes and manifest and then go out very clear, balanced and focused on what I want, which gives me confidence, which opens me up to receive. You just literally describe what I do. I mean, I think we do almost the exact same thing. The other thing we're both big into, I want to go through a couple of stuff.

38:41We're both big into gratitude and the power of gratitude and how it can impact the rest of your life. Can you speak to that a little bit about how gratitude plays into your whole life?

38:48Ed Mylett:It is the cornerstone of my life. Me too. It gives me perspective. And I try to give gratitude to everything and everyone. And I tell you, I'm the guy who stops, and it's not about having money or not. I stop and give people who need it what they need out of gratitude. It could be time. It could be a compliment. It could be your attention. And I open a door out of gratitude. And I look at everything I have, and I'm constantly fighting myself to make sure when things don't seem as if I should be grateful, It freaks people out. But these two words, when someone's attacking you, realize that the mathematics of the universe, if someone's attacking you, if all you hold is gratitude, they can't attack you anymore.

39:33Ed Mylett:You can't allow them to take your joy. The energy, an attack has to have attacking energy. It'll dissipate when you have gratitude. Wow. If someone attacks you and you say thank you, I really appreciate that. It takes all the energy out of the attack. So true. I had a good friend that was having difficulty with another friend and I ended up being on his podcast because the entrepreneur wanted me to do it. And he started attacking me. On the show? No, called me right after. Personal attack to him. Disrespectful. You know, the ego. Okay, the ego. Need to be offended. And all I could say was, you know what?

40:07Ed Mylett:I did not even think about that. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better friend. And I'm sure our relationship being that we're so close and it did hurt your feelings. will definitely survive this. But the old Dave Meltzer. We're going right back at him. Or preach at him. Yeah. And then I would have created this and lost a friend. Wow. Powerful. It's like almost energetic judo or tai chi. No, it is. Go away. Thank you. That is wonderful, man. Thank you. I need to hear that, by the way. That's one for me because I'm a big gratitude guy, but not to that extent. Yeah. That's a place I can learn it.

40:39You know, I think sometimes that's good for me. I bet it's good for a lot of you that are listening to this, too.

40:43Ed Mylett:It's funny because I inspire and teach a lot of kids. Yeah. And so if you go against gratitude, forgiveness, accountability, or effective communication, I use the Lombardi. It's in my system because I learned that way. Kind of Lombardi football coach. And so now I'm trying to figure out how do you take a grateful approach for someone not learning gratitude? Right. Thank you so much for not listening to me about thank you. It's not quite working yet. But the principle applies, and you're absolutely right, because there's no, what I always do when I hear a theory, this is what I do when you should be listening to this podcast, everybody.

41:13But I hear a theory and I put it through different situations that are real world. And does it apply? What you just said applies. There's not going to be a scenario where it doesn't apply. That's how powerful it is. It is powerful. It's super powerful. I'm curious. Talk about kids. I read a little bit about you. You do a lot of work with kids. You alluded to that. And also in kind of nonprofit charitable work you do too. What is the organization you're involved with that helps with kids?

41:34Ed Mylett:Yeah, so I'm the chairman of the Unstoppable Foundation. That's what it is. Unstoppable. Cynthia Kersey founded 10 years ago on her 50th birthday. Okay. and took money instead of gifts to help kids in Africa and Kenya. So not only kids, but communities with water, education, financial literacy, medical care. And it's evolved. 75 ,000 people have been impacted. And so now these girls who never would have been educated, mostly girls that never would have been educated, are graduating college. That's wonderful. So I turned 50 a month and a half ago. Happy birthday, Blady. And I'm doing 50 birthday parties.

42:09Ed Mylett:I saw this. And for the 50, I'm going to raise over a million. Notice no limitation. Over a million as fast as I can in these 50 parties to build an empowerment and leadership center to take all these people we impacted and teach them how to empower others. Wow. That's wonderful. So it scales. That is scaling. One thing people ask me, because I do, Warren Moon is my business partner. We have Crescent Moon Foundation. We've given hundreds of scholarships to kids that go to college, which is still important to me here in America. Sure. Our high schools. They'll ask me, Dave, there's a lot to do in America.

42:40Ed Mylett:Why are you doing this in Africa? Watching what's going on in the world, that if we can stabilize some of these other places, it only benefits all of us. That's wonderful work, brother. So it's really fun. Now, what you all know about him that's really interesting, because you're going to learn this lesson in your business, too. These principles, remember, this is a guy who attracts to him some of the top athletes in the world that he represents, right? And other agents we talk about, let's negotiate the shoe contract, right? Let's, you know, get the percentage done. Let's get your guaranteed this.

43:06And I know that's part of what you do, but he takes this very unique approach, right? And the approach is almost, you begin to talk to the athletes about their giving first and what they could do with their giving and their time. Speak to that for a second, which makes you so unique. This is what I want you to hear. So unique in the space you're in, because the sports world can be very cutthroat. The dollar now, short term, short term, short term. You run a model that's different than that and a message. And again, I apply it through anything. These same principles apply if you own a dry cleaners.

43:34if you own a gym, if you run a life insurance business, whatever the heck your business is, this principle he's about to share with you would distinguish you, make you happier, and probably grow your business as a byproduct. It's not the reason to do it, but as a byproduct, it would grow your business. So talk about that.

43:50Ed Mylett:And to give credit, I learned it from Lee Steinberg, who's a Berkeley guy, Jerry Maguire, co-produced with Cameron Crowe, the famous, and he taught me, I said, why do you require every one of our athletes to have a foundation? He said, for two reasons. and one, I know it's right, and the truth vibrates the fastest. Didn't put it in those words, but that's what he was saying. And then he said, but beyond that, he goes, I started learning that by giving back, I actually qualified the people I surrounded myself with. If an athlete wasn't willing to give back, I was only going to have problems later on.

44:21Ed Mylett:And so throughout my whole career since I've been working with Lee, whether it's athletes, companies, media, or even interviews, I only do people that work with people that will give back. Every project I have has to have a charitable component or cause to it. Every single one. I love that. Or we won't take it. I love that. And it just has really increased a collective belief or a vibration for our entire community, not just our business. Don't you think it's important? I heard you talk about this, and we both said this separate of each other. But the reason there's also power to that, by the way, it's wonderful seeds you're sowing, right?

44:54The other part of it is, like, I think it's important in business that you show up different than people expect you to. Yeah. You know, I've seen you talk about that. I talk about that all the time, too. Like in my case, you know, if I've got some big arms and I've got tattoos on there and I show up as this guy that's talking about loving people and blissful dissatisfaction and making a difference. I'm like, wait a minute, I thought you were going to talk about smashing people in the face. You know, I think that's been an advantage of mine that maybe I'm not as I appear. Right. And is that true also?

45:19Would you give that advice to somebody in business or even just in life?

45:22Ed Mylett:Absolutely. You have to take advantage. And I even take charity. And, you know, my motto is make a lot of money, help a lot of people and have a lot of fun. And a lot of people ask me, why do you say make a lot of money, Dave? You're this philanthropist. I mean, pissed. But I do pimp out a lot of athletes and celebrities for money. So I call myself a philanthropist. But why do you do that? I say, because literally, if you don't have, you can't give. That's right. I say that about forgiveness. If you don't forgive yourself, who can you ever forgive? That's right, baby. And so I say to everyone, make money for yourself first.

45:54Ed Mylett:You'll figure out where to put it. My mom is a great catalyst. Siblings did extremely well. Sure. But my mom has to still be supported by her kids today. It takes away from her own pride. There you go. Of course. Right? And because she never cared about making money herself. Yes. And I really believe it's really important if you have the skills and knowledge and desire that you should make as much money as you can. Yes. And take care of everyone around you. I believe that so much. And the point is too is that what Dave's sharing with you is you can't transfer to somebody that which you're not experiencing yourself.

46:25You can't give me love if you don't feel it. You can't give me gratitude. You can't give me energy. You can't give me confidence. You can't give me money. You can't give me these things if you're not experiencing them yourself. So that was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out with Ed Milet. This man to my left, I think, is one of the most inspiring people on planet Earth today. Thank you. And an unbelievable public speaker for the record that you're going to hear about in a minute.

46:56But this is Nick Sanatostaso. And as you can tell, Nick and I have been friends now for a while, but Nick has a story to tell. As you can tell, it's probably different than anyone you've ever heard before. And so I'm excited to have you here today, brother. I'm grateful for the opportunity, brother. You know how much I've wanted you here, and we've been connecting through social media for a while, and I consider you a friend. I appreciate that. And I'm so excited that I'm gonna help even get you further exposure to the world. I'm excited, I'm excited. I am too, brother. and so they need to know more about you.

47:26So I'm curious, you did sort of get into this sort of, you know, you said those are the hardest time of your life was middle school and high school, at least the beginning of high school. Did you kind of go into a little bit of a depression, sort of down on yourself? And then if you did, how'd you get out of it? Yeah, so middle school, high school, I was at an all-time low for me, you know, and my big question was why? You know, I realized I was different and I realized, you know, some of the negativity of kids staring at me. I was just like, why? You know, there's billions of people. Why do I have to be on this earth with no legs and one arm?

47:54These kids don't know what I'm going through. Like, why? I was pissed off. You know, the universe, God, whatever it may be, I was just pissed off that I was in this situation. And when I got into high school, I realized, you know, that I was in the slump. And I realized that, you know, confidence is a skill. It's not just something that you wake up with. And that's what I thought. I thought in middle school and high school, I was like, well, I guess I'm just not born with confidence. You know, I thought you either had it or you didn't. But to show people that's a skill and you gradually work on it.

48:19So I needed to work on myself. And I'm lucky that I realized that the only person that's going to make a drastic change in your life, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, like you were talking about, is you. You know, you have to take control of yourself. And I realized, I was like, man, like one choice. You have one choice. I can either look at all the negative I have in my life and focus on that, which won't propel me. It will dig me to a hole. Or I can focus on all the good and all I'm capable of doing, and that will elevate me. So when I was freshman year, it was funny.

48:45My best friend, we're still best friends to this day. And all my wrestler best friends are, you know, we're still best friends. but he was a bowler and in my high school you know I was like man if I could be part of a team you know just like a group something a support system I'll feel better about myself I'll be labeled as you know an athlete if it's a bowler whatever it may be right you know I'm an athlete Nixon athlete so I that fired me up so I remember our varsity team was super good and our JV bowling team was undefeated until I joined the team and I joined the JV team and I remember I see what I totally remember they didn't even have the correct like jersey for me i had an older jersey so like it's me and like people are like how's this kid gonna bowl and i was just like throwing a ball down the lane and um i realized that i wanted much more that just it wasn't challenging me enough and i wanted something more physical and so i got my i got into my sophomore year and all my best friends so that best friend wrestled his younger years and like mat rats when he was younger and so sophomore year they all were on the wrestling team they all were like all stud wrestlers for my high school.

49:45My older brother was a wrestler for that same high school, but I never got to go to high school with him. So like the coaches knew me, they knew your family. And so I was like, man, I thought wrestlers were the coolest thing. You know, the hardest physical sport, like physically and mentally, I want to be a wrestler. So at the time, this arm was about five inches longer than it is now. And my bone was growing faster than my skin. So it was like your finger, but super pointy. So I couldn't really touch it on things. It was super sensitive, but painful too. Yes, painful. So I used to tuck it because if I would have hit my arm hard enough, my bone would have came through that's how like yeah sorry but that's how like you know light it is and so i i made that made that decision to myself i said if i could become a wrestler you know if i could be with my friends and you just get after it in the room you know it would make me feel so much better about myself and just lift me up and so i came home one day and i said mom and dad i want to be a wrestler and i remember i waited for my dad to be home yeah and and my my parents supported me in everything and anything throughout my life you know as long nick as long as you're happy you know we want you to do it.

50:42But this was a little bit different. I said, mom and dad, I want to be a wrestler. My mom was like, oh my God, Nick, you know, wrestling's the most physical sport. If you're out there, you hit your arm. And I was like, I was a 17, 18 year old kid. I looked at him. I said, can we cut it off? Oh my gosh, bro. And they were like, what? And I'm like, can we take care of this? Like, it's not helping. And you know, it took me a couple hours, but I persuaded my parents to schedule an amputation. So we found like the best doctor and they basically lasered five inches of my arm off and did a skin graft.

51:13So they pulled extra skin and pulled it over my bone so I'd have, you know, padding. And I always tell people, the only little mountain, the only little challenge that I saw that was stopping me from wrestling was the fact that my arm hurt. It wasn't the fact that I was born with no legs in my arm because I knew, I knew that my hard work and dedication, if I worked harder than the able body, it would make up for my lack of limbs. If I put the work in, you know, work my butt off, that I would, this wouldn't matter, you know? It wouldn't matter. so I made that decision and so my sophomore year I always say I was the happiest kid to cut his arm off like I was just yeah so we amputated my arm my sophomore year and remember I love food we're Italian and I missed Halloween that year because I was I was in a cast I had like you know 17 stitches in my arm and I remember going back to school and I was so happy like I said happiest kid just cut his arm off and people like dude what did you just do yeah and I'm like oh I amputated my arm I'm gonna be a wrestler and it was the same old it was the same cycle it was people dude, you can't wrestle.

52:10You know, it was, dude, how are you gonna be a wrestler? You have no legs and one arm. Like, dude, let's be real. You know, the outside noise, the naysayers, the haters. And I looked, I said, you're right. I'm not gonna become a wrestler. I'm gonna become a varsity wrestler. And, you know, I think from the earliest of ages, from, you know, my parents telling me what the doctors told me and all this, I always carried a little bit of chip on my shoulder to show people what I'm truly capable of doing. Bro, can we just stop for a second here? We can stop. To go wrestle. So, there's all these, by the way, a lot of you are parents or you're a young athlete watching this you go man i'm wrestling man it's whole hard so hard to cut weight or i gotta go to the gym or man i gotta miss my party on the weekend to go to practice this guy cut his arm off to go wrestle right and and by the way that's going into it knowing i don't actually have every other thing going for me to go dominate in this sport it's actually after bowling which by the way i would love to see you bowl that just to me is like the coolest visual in the world but the fact that you go for bowling just to belong to a team, you're like, you know what, screw it, I'm going to a next standard, a next level, I want to go wrestle.

53:09Then to have your parents kind of still back it though, man, and do you go to that extreme, like what are you willing to do to chase your dream? This guy's willing to cut his arm off, right? Part of it. I mean, what are you willing to do to chase your dream? What's the sacrifice you're willing to make? And how does it compare to that, right? And with no guarantee he makes a team and then to up the ante and go, you're right, I'm not going to wrestle. I'm going to varsity wrestle. I don't know this, by the way. Did that actually happen? So my junior year, I remember getting in in the room and I said to my buddies, because most of my buddies, they're all my buddies now, you know, and I was like, beat me up.

53:41I said, beat me up, slam my face in the mat as hard as you can, you know, do whatever you need to do because if you hold back on me, I'm not gonna know how to become the best wrestler I could possibly be. And that's the same thing for my parents. If my parents held back and gave me everything, you know, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have the mindset I have, I wouldn't be the man I am today if people held back on me. So that was my first thing, my message to everyone, yo, beat me up, like don't feel bad. Like, I'm here, I'm here for me, like beat me up. So my junior year, what I was doing was basically just trying to figure out where my strengths were, like what I was good at.

54:12And with wrestling, if you go to your back, if both your shoulder blades touch, it's a pin, it's six points, and that's the most amount of points you can give up. So I knew that I needed to work on staying off my back. Even if I couldn't win, if they could tech-fall me and get a lesser amount of points and a pin, I'm winning. So my junior year, I was like, like I said, I was like one in 20, but my coach threw me out for a forfeit win, just to get my varsity jacket. And I came off, I was like, I don't want it. I never even got my varsity jacket. I never got it, because to me, I didn't earn it. It was given to me, and I didn't want to wear something that was just given to me.

54:49So my junior year, got my butt kicked, big learning experience. In between the summer of junior year and senior year, I kinda got in the weight room a little bit, not too much. But my senior year, I came out as Central Regionals was a 106 pound varsity wrestler from my high school. Come on, dude. Come on. And, you know, like I said, we talk about moments of confirmation, moments of reassurance. It was just like, this is what you're, you know, regardless of, you know, how I got to 106 pound varsity wrestler, it was, you know, I stuck through the journey and I made it. So, at that point, I'm still trying to find my why.

55:21You know, Nick's confidence is, you know, I got a little bit, you know, I'm part of the wrestling, I'm hanging with the wrestlers, I'm a senior wrestler, you know, I'm a varsity wrestler. but I would go out and there would be gymnasiums packed to watch me wrestle. There would be standing ovations when I lost and I hated it. I was like, why are you clapping for me if I just got my butt kicked? I did give it my all. I always gave it my all but why are you clapping for me? You're not supposed to applaud losing. I'm a competitor. And I came off the mat one day and this lady came up to me and she was crying.

55:50And I'm like, oh my God, what did I do wrong? And she said, Nick, I want to thank you. I said, for what? You know, 17, 18 year old kid, what? And she said, my son or daughter never wanted to do a sport. My son or daughter never wanted to do an extracurricular activity. They wanna try all these things. They saw you on the mat and they're like, oh my God, I wanna try this mom, I wanna try that. And that was my quantum moment of, I was just trying to live my life to the fullest. I was trying to find my purpose and I was motivating and passively, I was motivating and changing lives passively on the sideline.

56:19I'll imagine how many people I can change for the better, how many perspectives I can change for the better and motivate people if I focus my energy and helping people. And that's when I realized that I, boom, here's your why, Nick, you are an example. You are an example. You know, like you accepted this life before you even were in here and you are here to be an example for those that think they can't. A lantern, a lantern for others to spread light. Dude, you are that. And I told everybody when we started, you would inspire. I'm trying right now not to tackle you myself because I'm so fricking fired up and I'm afraid you might rustle me back to the ground.

56:51I don't want to be pinned. But I'll be honest with you, brother. like there's so much here usually in interviews i want to jump in and add but this is too good and so thank you um i do want to say one thing to you that part about letting telling the guys to beat you up is such a great lesson for everybody to be watching this because you wanted to go through the real deal and i'm thinking about i'm thinking about all the things that people use to they use as an excuse to stop they use as an excuse to hold back right and you've just you've never done that before. And it's sort of just crazy to me.

57:23And one of the things I found out about you, obviously you're a competitor, right? But you're also real grateful. And I think that would surprise a lot of people that someone who got a little bit bullied and teased as a young guy, nothing came out perfect, nothing's easy for you, right? But yet you're really a grateful dude. Talk about how important gratitude is for you in addition to all of this intense competition you've been through. How important is gratitude? I feel like gratitude, if a person can just live in a state of gratitude, it could change their whole entire life. And I can make this quick and simple and easy for everyone to comprehend.

58:00Me, a man with no legs and one arm. There are millions of people as we sit in this couch that would switch places with me in an instant because they just don't have it like me. There are kids and adults that are confined in wheelchair beds. There are kids and adults that are paralyzed in wheelchairs that look outside and say, man, I wish I could just go outside and breathe the fresh air. I wish I could just listen to the birds. I wish I could get out of this hospital bed. Like it gives me chills. That's all the motivation I need because I know that my situation isn't bad. And the sad thing is that there's people with full bodies that say, oh man, his life's bad.

58:32No, it's not. You know, the biggest disability is a bad mindset. It's not this, it is not this. It's people don't have their mind right, Ed. It's people are just like, oh my God, I can't do this. I can't do that. No, you're truly capable of anything. You put limits on yourself. The only limits you have are the ones you put on yourself. So to go back to gratitude, like start being grateful that you woke up today. You know, start being grateful that you were in a bed. There's people sleeping, you can go outside, there's people sleeping on the sidewalk. Like how can you not be grateful? You know, so living in a state of gratitude and waking up and starting your day off with gratitude, you know, listening five things you're grateful for, thinking about five things you're grateful for, you'll notice that your mind gets in a rhythm and at first it may be big things like, oh, my family, my house, whatever it may be, but then your mind will get in the rhythm and start thinking about the little things.

59:20The little things you're grateful for, like, man, I got good health, or man, I got food in the refrigerator, or I got friends, the little things. Your mind starts to just become grateful for the things around you, and you realize that the things you complain about on a day-to-day basis in the grand scheme of life, they're not a problem. We don't have problems. Man, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do, but you live it, and I think there's something powerful about people who are authentic, who actually walk the walk, that do the things they say they're going to do, which is what you do. And like you're walking the walk isn't the same as other people because you have to walk differently.

59:57Are there days you're down? Are there days you're like, Hey man, even today, are there days now this, look, you're accomplished. You've, you're now a sought after speaker, right? You, you inspire people like me who, it ain't easy to always inspire me, right? Like there's gotta be something special about someone to inspire me. Like sitting here with you, I can feel my emotions. I'm trying to hold them, right? Like my intensity, my passion, my tears for some reason, like I'm holding it in because I wanna have a good interview with you, right? But like you induce that in people, you're special. But are there days you're down?

1:00:31Absolutely. And I always tell people, I'm not the energizer bunny all the time. You know, I do have those low days. Yeah. And I actually had a low day. I'll be honest. I had a low day. It was my birthday, the May 20th. And that weekend, we went to Miami. And I had a low day because, you know, I went out in public. And just trying to, you know, mingle and talk to girls, right? And maybe the one interaction with a girl didn't go the way I wanted to. And all these thoughts going in my head. Oh, my God. She thinks you're disgusting. It's because you have no legs, one arm. And, you know, these are the things that you go through.

1:01:04Those moments of, like, down. And I was down. Like those guys, they were like, do you wanna go out? And I'm like, no, like I'm good. I'm, dude, it's your birthday weekend. No, I'm good. Because like one moment, it's important to know that one moment can induce those toxic thoughts in your head. But the important thing about that is when I'm in those low moments, and this is for everyone needs to do this, when you're in those low moments, embrace it. What are you feeling? How are you breathing? How do you feel? And realize that this is not a state I wanna be in. So embrace that low time and be like, oh my God, I feel like poop.

1:01:33You know, I don't feel good. This is my low state. You know, these are all the things that I don't want to go through and the thoughts that I don't want to think about. And that's the thing, you know, embrace that time, embrace that state and realize that, oh, my God, I don't want to feel like this. And then get out of it. And the way to get out of it is start thinking positive affirmations, you know, start thinking about because your mind can only think about one thought. So if you're thinking about something negative, you know, change that thought. So I start to think to myself, I am beautiful.

1:02:01I am confident. I am an athlete. I, if that girl doesn't want to talk to me, that it's an organic filter. And that's the type of people that I don't want to be around. Nick, Nick, it was, it was helping you. She's not the girl you want to be around. She's looking at you for this. Right. You know, so that's the one of the things that helped me so much because I'm not going to lie. Girls was a, it's still, it's still a tough part for me, you know? And, you know, especially as a 22 year old guy, you know, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a low point for me. But to realize that me being in this situation, it, like we said about the tribes, it organically attracts the right people you want to be with.

1:02:33So if a girl is going to not talk to me or, you know, just not even respect me for my lack of limbs, okay, fine. Like take a hike, you know, because you are not the person that I want to be around. Bro, remind yourself of that, please, because that's, shoot, this is good. Like it's so true because there's all guys 22 years old or like have these deficiencies. And then by the way, why does she like you? Is she like you just because you're good looking? That's the reverse. Is she like you just because you got a couple bucks? Is she like you just because you're an athlete? And then you end up, it's an odd filter for you that's actually to your benefit.

1:03:04Absolutely. It is because eventually you're going to find a woman who loves you for you. And as you're blowing up like you are now, she's actually going to love you for you. Whereas like if you do have money, if you are successful, if you are like in someone's mind perfect looking or whatever, right? Like you'll never know if they love the you that's you. So you actually have this. It's bizarre that you're right about that. And I want to acknowledge that you're right about that. And thank you for being honest about it too. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you You can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify.

1:03:35We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back, everybody. My guest today played 12 years in the major leagues. Let me just tell you something. He could flat mash. This dude could hit. I used to watch him going, that's the natural. You should call him the natural. But then the more I got to know his story, turns out it wasn't natural, that he worked really hard to build this incredible swing, three-time All-Star, and I'm just telling you guys, any of you that know baseball, this dude could flat-out hit. But today we're going to talk about, you know, you got someone here that played in the big leagues and the major leagues that long.

1:04:10There's a mental aspect to what they did and how they live and what they do now that got them there. So we're going to talk about peak performance today and overcoming adversity, all kinds of incredible stuff with Sean Casey. Casey, welcome to the show, bro. Thanks for having me on, dude. So fired up to be here, brother. You came all the way in. You flew from Pennsylvania to be here today. So thank you for being here. I know you got a lot of family stuff going right now. Dude, I just wanted to say, too, before we get going, listening to your podcast, who's the voice of, like, welcome to Ed Milet?

1:04:41Who is that guy? The guy that introduces your show. He used to do something for the NFL, and I heard his voice. This was way back in the day. It's so funny. Seven years ago, I told my team, I go, I don't know who that dude is. I want that voice saying my name. That's so great. And what's funny about that thing, too, is that even to this day, he still can't say Milet correctly. It's welcome to the Ed Milet show. He still doesn't even say my name right, but his voice is so good. I'm like, okay, he can just say my, he says my name wrong on my own show, but he says it was such a great voice. I'm like, let's just leave it.

1:05:13Every time he does the takes, I'm like, can you get him to say my let? And they're like, no, it's my let. Whatever. You can't do it. Anyway. This conversation I knew was going to be special, but like, I didn't know it was going to go to this depth. And you know, you are, he is working for the MLB network. He's great on there. I've watched him on there for, you know, quite a while now. but now you're starting to do this thing about thinking like a pro you're taking these things and you said this thing like it took me back you said it to Jim and I like replayed it and then I sent it to my son and then I sent it to my daughter and it's this good so I want you to share with my audience about the gaps and I it was so good that I've actually I'm not gonna send it to some of the athletes I work with too so talk about that it's because it's a baseball analogy but it's a life analogy that's huge.

1:05:59Yeah. Well, you know, I was, you know, I want to get in, or not want to get in, I'm into coaching. I coach, you know, obviously college athletes, high school, some pro players and all that stuff. But I'm, you know, this program I've developed, it's called the powers in the gaps. And I just wanted to relate it to baseball because when you think of baseball and you know, you know, as well as I do, you want to be one of the best players in the game. You play in the gaps, right? You play in the gaps. You've got to shoot the gaps to be one of the best power hitters. You got to hit the ball out in the gaps to be one of the best in the game.

1:06:27at the end of the day, right? Your center fielder is your right fielder. They got to fly into the gaps to make a play, right? And so I look at that like, hey, the power's in the gaps in life, too. That's what I love about baseball. It mirrors life. Like, baseball's not easy. Hey, life's not easy, too. It wasn't meant to be. Baseball wasn't meant to be easy. Life's not meant to be easy. Like, none of us are exonerated from the uncertainty, the hard work, right? And the struggles of life. And the struggles of baseball, right? At the end of the day. So the power's in the gaps. and I thought about what is it, man.

1:06:58So the G of the gaps is that gratitude, man. Are we showing up every day? Are we connecting to what this is all about? Are we connecting to the gratitude of like, when you wake up in the morning, are you saying, hey, thank you? Oh man, I got, and I do, I say this to my kids all the time. If they listen, they're probably gonna listen to this podcast and they'll be like, oh, here goes dad jumping off his, every morning I say to my kids, like my two daughters are still home, Carly and Julian at our home, but my sons are in college and I still tell them, and I say, hey man, The chances of you being here of a human being are one in 400 trillion, right?

1:07:29And you know that too. You win the life lottery every day. Like, right. Right. And so like, and I think of generational gratitude, right? I think of this, like, so your parents had to meet, then your grandparents had to meet. And then if I go back to my, my Irish heritage in County Cork, Ireland, the potato famine came, some more cases had decided to have kids. And if you go back to the generations, it's like, it's so ridiculous. it's like a 10th generation grandparent, 4 ,000 of those people had to get together. Fred, my life to be here. It's crazy. Right? It's incredible. So however awesome you think you are and awesome you think you are, yeah, you are.

1:08:03And I want to tell people that. I want to be like, dude, you're a walking lottery ticket, bro. Why don't you start living like it? Right? Why don't you start living like it? And that's that gratitude, right? Like, oh yeah, I got up. Boom, I hit the thing. Hey, thank you. Yeah. For the life force of, my heart's going to pump today a hundred thousand times. I have no idea how that's happening. It's so true. It's the ultimate gift. I'm going to breathe 25 ,000 times a day. How is that happening, Ed? I got 50 trillion cells digesting my food. What? Yes. I'm a walking miracle, and so are you. There's only one Ed Milet, man.

1:08:37There's 8 billion dudes out there, and women. There's only one Ed Milet. There's only one Sean Kix. And for anyone else out there, guess what? If you think life is tough and this and that, why don't you change it? Why don't you change the narrative? You start to look, and you go, no, no, no, no. The narrative really is, you're one of a kind, brother. You're one of a kind. And if we all started to think like that, I don't know. I think the world would be a different place. That's how I think. So when I say the powers and the gaps, it's in the gratitude, right? It's in the A, the accountability for who you are, of how you think, of what narratives you tell your stuff, of what are your stories.

1:09:11It's also in the perspective that you take, in the P, perspective, in your process, in the S of the gaps. It's also in the service. If you want to connect to this world and connect to people, hey, man, serve somebody. How many times has somebody asked you for a direction, and you go, hey, beat it, dude. If somebody comes up, you ask you to rush, you go, hey, man, two blocks down here, if you're in Pittsburgh, you're on the street names, you're like two blocks down here, don't know the street names, you make a left at the 7-Eleven. Dude, people want to help. So find people to serve. You don't necessarily have to go to a soup kitchen or something.

1:09:43Serve your kids. Serve your dad if you have to when he's struggling or your mom. Like you're doing. Yeah, serve people that are in the grocery store. Say hi. You know what I mean? Because they're one of a kind too. Yeah, bro, the gaps. That fires me up. I don't know that I've ever felt that much energy from someone who's done this before. No, but I love it because I also think a lot of things in life is in our energy. It's actually how you feel. You're always making people feel something. Right. It blows my mind how few human beings are intentional about that thing. Like you're always making another person feel something.

1:10:19So why not be intentional about what it is? By the way, you are always feeling something. Take some control over that. Right. Take some control over your own energy. Energy is influence. Energy. People respond to what they feel way more than the actual words you say. Like this thing today, people are going to go, that was unbelievable. I almost drove off the road. They were at level six on the treadmill. They're at 10. And when it's done, there'll be two or three. They're going to remember the gaps. They're going to remember your high school story. But at the end, they're going to remember how they felt, how you made them feel.

1:10:51That's how, when you think about someone you love, you can't describe, like, they're smart. They're sick. No, it's how they make you feel. Right? So it's the how you feel part of your life. Like, that's one of your magic things, man, is like, anytime I've listened to you, it's why I want people to follow you, too. What's Instagram for you? My Instagram is at the mayor's office MLB. Yeah. By the way, what is – that's really not easy to remember. At the mayor's office MLB. What's the mayor thing? Dude, a guy who's the head coach at Ohio State right now, when I was in the Cape Cod League, it's got Bill Mosey Yellow.

1:11:26You know, he was like – he was a real serious guy at the time. And I'm like, man, I don't know if this guy likes me. He's so serious. You know, me, and I'm coming in. Hey, what's going on? And he's like, bro, he's like, dude, he's like, you talk to everybody. he goes it's almost like you're lobbying for votes to be the mayor or something you know and it kind of stuck and then and i remember carl ravage one time i hit a ball in the gap in 1999 i i i you know slide in second baseman he's like hey and that's a rocket right there by the they call him the mayor sean case and all of a sudden you know it just kind of stuck because i'm talking everybody at first and dude i don't know man it is it's that energy when i remember like you know Who's your favorite guy?

1:12:06Lance Perkman would come and talk about energy. He'd come to first. It's a great conversation. But I just, you know, I love people, man. I think that energy is the most important thing. And, like, when Romy told me to talk with you, he goes, dude, you're not going to believe this guy's energy. You're literally not going to believe this dude's energy. And I had already watched you and knew you. But actually meeting you, it's like, it's a fact. And, like, I root for you now. Like, I root for you. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

1:12:34You'll never miss an episode that way. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm honored today. Today's special. And I think it's going to be a show that you'll never forget the rest of your life. That's my outcome for today. And I invited two friends of mine, two people that I'm proud to have any association with. And we're going to talk about Afghanistan today. We're going to talk about the Middle East, just and even our role in general in the world with the military. And then we're also going to talk about why you should care. Why does it matter to you, right? With all the things you have going on in your life, it's easy to disregard these things.

1:13:03And I didn't want this to be one of these CNN, Fox News, you know, filtered type stuff. I didn't want one of these generals on here. I wanted real warriors, people that have been on the ground that have operated that can give you real feedback. And it's the two people that I've had on my show that I respect the most of my life. And so I'm honored to have with me today. First, Rob O 'Neill. Rob's had over 400 combat missions in his life that we know of. You know, you've all heard Rob on my show before. He was part of the lone survivor rescue, first guy in the boat in Captain Phillips raid, and is probably best known for killing a guy named Osama bin Laden.

1:13:39And when I talked to Rob, I said, Rob, I got a new friend named Rich DeVinney. He says, that's the finest SEAL I ever served with. So that's pretty high praise. Rich, 20 years, SEAL commander, 13 deployments, 11 of them in Afghanistan and Iraq. and he trained a he was a trainer for a group that we're not supposed to name that rhymes with SEAL Team 6 it rhymes with that and um and so he's got some significant experience to share with us too so gentlemen thank you for being here today honored to have you hey Ed it's great to be with you yeah great to be here and uh let me just give you a call out because um you know I Rob and I you know we lost contact we lost touch and that happens just because you know when you when you leave the military, it's kind of a natural progression.

1:14:23But, you know, you were the reason that Rob and I got to finally talk to each other after I think it was five or six years it had been. Yeah, it's been a long time. And Ed actually sent me a message saying that he interviewed you. And I said, I wasn't sure if I didn't mention you by name at the time, Rich, but I had quoted you, I think, two or three times when I was on Ed's podcast the first time. And I didn't know if you were either going to love me or hate me for doing that, like I was stealing your material. But I know that a lot of stuff you said to me when we were working together and we can get into that has stuck with me, not just in the Navy, not just at CLT-6, but afterwards in the 10 whatever years I've been in the private sector.

1:14:58Well, I appreciate that. I do. Yeah. It's good to be with this group. It really is. Thank you. It's certainly, and thank you both for your service. I didn't say that. I wish this was the conversation that's been had in the country the last three weeks and is ongoing. You know, some disagreement. We said we're going to elevate the conversation, a real information, real understanding of the dynamics and how things happen and how they work, decisions that are made. And this is how it should be, because Rich and Rob don't agree on everything. Right. And I don't agree with both of them on everything.

1:15:25And I have no basis for half of the things that I believe. That's why I've been asking these guys these questions today. But I what Rob, it made me think about. you know the other thing with you guys that strikes me is the level of humility is so remarkable for the incredible things you've gone through and protected our country for protected the world for and rob just for a minute i don't you've been on the show we've covered it before and i want to go through the whole story but i just think this stuff just sounds like a video game to even someone like me right these are just like it's literally a video game then there's the real world men and women that are on the ground protecting the world protecting the country and i said this many times rob since i've met you when people asked me about you i said that um whatever you were doing the day that uh osama bin laden was killed whatever you were worried about whatever was your big problem that day imagine what o 'neil and his dudes were doing that day what they would think the bravery level of you and your your your partners there i just want to take through them.

1:16:25I want them just to feel this for a minute of what's gone on to give you the freedom to argue whether we should have opened closed border, to go protest if you want to, to argue over guns, to argue over taxes, to vote in an election. These things matter. And I don't think people understand this. This is not promised forever. And there's guys like Rob and people like Rich that ensure the fact that we get to have these arguments where we live in our freedoms. so rob just the thing that you said to me about the bin laden raid all of it's remarkable but you said to me i knew i was dead i had already dead i was tired of thinking about it i'm just going over here let me just die i want you all imagine whatever you're worried about today whatever you're doing today so take us just for a minute if you would in in brief but just let them feel this for a minute everything's let up you now know that it's him you now know you're going to get him and you're on the helicopter leaving afghanistan coming over what's going through this is what has happened to protect us everybody well i mean it's it's the it's the human element because um there's there's humanity involved with everything i don't care who who it is that you kill someone loved them and and you you get to a level where you're questioning are we killing each other just because we were born in different parts of the world had it been different would we have gotten along weird stuff like that but i even had a conversation with my father right before i launched on the bin laden raid and he he would always say to me um i wish i was going with you when i'd call him prior and i'd say yeah i wish you were too dad but this time he said i wish I was going with you.

1:17:51And I said, don't worry, dad, I'm with some really great people. And so I knew I was going there with my, my, my brothers. And we knew that this is what we're here for. This is this is why we came, this is why we joined. And the acceptance, once the acceptance of giving your life for the greater good, you kind of lose the you kind of lose the fear a little bit because the realization that I could, I could pull myself off this mission anytime, but I'm letting them down. And if I live to be 90 years old, what I give every single day to have one shot at this. This is why I'm here. I'm here to fight for the men and women that died in the tower.

1:18:22I'm here for the Americans, the first Americans to fight Al-Qaeda on Flight 93. And before they fought Al-Qaeda, they voted. And that's what America is. That's what the Western ideology is. That's freedom. And there's just so much there. I'm with these guys. I might die, but I'm safe. I'm good. And just getting there, it's kind of like taking everything in, because these are real people that can barely afford their mortgages. Now we're in Abbottabad, Pakistan. And I was in the back because of where we ended up. And I'm watching guys. We couldn't blow up at any second, but everyone's doing their jobs.

1:18:54Like we taught each other, slow is smooth, smooth is fast. But then like Rich said, shooting someone, but then running across the room to grab a child, because I don't want that kid to be more afraid than he needs to be. And just realizing these are the good guys. And this is what we're fighting for. It's bigger than this. It's not just us here. This is for everyone. And when we got up to the room, I just followed a guy that was braver than me up the last set of stairs. And he went one way and I went the other. And after I even shot Bin Laden, his two-year-old son was standing there. And I remember as a father thinking, this poor kid has got nothing to do with this.

1:19:27So this is real human emotions. And Bin Laden, millions of people loved him. It's all because of different ideologies. That's all because of different educations. Was he an asshole? Yeah. Does he deserve to die? Absolutely. Do I feel bad we didn't take them alive no but you know this is what we're this this is it and these are these are the good guys and but then when you get away from it too you know this is a really big world but it's a really small world and and and um you know it's it's like uh you know yes we need to meet force with force at the point of origin and there needs to be people there willing to do it uh but but you know there's a there's a there's just there seems to me to be a bigger a bigger picture than that and we mentioned people that have never been there and play the video games whenever I see someone walking down the street with a I like to kick doors and shoot in the face my reaction is no you don't because you've never done it yeah and you could and you probably wouldn't be able to um it's funny and let me just add one thing because it's interesting and I it was a conversation I had with another friend of a mutual friend of ours um obviously I won't give his name but I remember he and I were were uh at one point we came back and we were a little upset because we came back to a nation after you know I don't know what tour it was um and it just seemed like everyone's hyper focused on the Kardashians and American Idol and all this stuff.

1:20:38And, and we're kind of frustrated. I remember us having coffee and we're talking about, and, and, and we came to a realization and the realization was, was this, and again, Rob will, will feel this one. We used to leave for these deployments, usually in the middle of the night because of the way the flights worked. Right. So, so we'd have to go muster at like 11 PM and then get on a plane like midnight and, and fly out. And so, so my kids were small, they were always in bed, you know, and I'd always go into their room and just watch them. And then, you know, every parent probably does this, but I always used to watch my kids sleep.

1:21:05But especially on the nights that I was leaving, I'd go in and watch them. And I'd wonder what they were dreaming about. And I would hope, I always, I hoped they were dreaming about like Disneyland and sugar plums and fairy, whatever it is, right? And I realized, and my buddy and I realized that that's why we do it. We do it because we don't want our kids to have to see the stuff we see. We don't want our kids to have to think about the stuff that we think about. We want to preserve a little bit of that blissful ignorance. And honestly, we do that happily. We do that with great pride. And that's cool.

1:21:43It really is. And so I'm not mad at the Kardashians anymore.

1:21:50You're both special men. You just are. And it takes my breath away. I, when you talk, there's a sense of emotion in me. That's not just gratitude. I'm not sure what it is with both of you. Every time I've talked with each of you, I'm curious. I don't think I've ever asked you this, Rob. And maybe you can't share it. Maybe you don't know. How is this, how is this journey of yours? You spent most of your life doing this. Like you were one guy when you were, you're not even sure which group of the military you were joining initially. Right. Yeah. And then you're another guy sitting there right now, having had experiences that are unconscionable, that almost no human being that's ever walked the earth has had the experiences you've had.

1:22:35Right? I mean, you've had a life experience. Yeah. Situations and environments that the combination of which you may be the only one or one of the very few. Do you know how it's affected you? Can you describe it if you are even aware? Well, I'm just lucky because every day I was fortunate to go to work with people who were better than me. But I learned being a dude from Montana who joined the Navy basically because the Marine recruiter wasn't in the office. I couldn't swim. And I ended up in Bin Laden's bedroom as a Navy SEAL. It proved to me that it doesn't matter what you look like or where you're from.

1:23:08You can do anything as long as you keep a positive attitude. One of the things in SEAL training that an instructor said to me, the abridged version, was when you feel like quitting, which you will, do not quit now. Quit tomorrow. If you can keep quitting tomorrow, you can do anything, anything you want to do in life. Just wait till tomorrow. I was going to quit today, but I'll just quit tomorrow and quit tomorrow. And then as far as fighting, that was the best experience of my life. I missed a lot of time in the United States. I missed a lot of time away from my daughters. But I was over there.

1:23:37And when you get into the when you're the number two man, number three man going through the door, you're no longer fighting for the political party in charge. You're fighting for the men and women next to you. And so it's very important for a lot of these veterans to realize what they did was not in vain, because it comes to a point where someone needs to take a stand and you took the stand. and that's it. And there's people that don't have the platforms that I do. They need the recognition. You know, the Marines that were out there walking in a ridiculously hot sun through the minefields with the people next to them who've seen their brothers and sisters killed in action.

1:24:06What they did was not in vain. And the message I would just tell them is, you know, a lot of people are going through it. And the important thing is once in a while, don't try to self-medicate, you know, put the bottle down, call someone. Even if you're having a bad day, call someone because they might be having a good day. And when you're, you know, or you're having a great day and you get out of the gym and you have the endorphins going, call someone because they might be having a bad day. And we can get through this together. You know, nothing you did was in vain. It doesn't, you know, it doesn't matter who made a bad decision.

1:24:32You made the right decision to be there. And again, we're the good guys. I'll add something because I think this is one of our, I lost, well, we lost several friends. I lost one of my friends right before I got out of the Navy, actually. And we were at Dover and we were receiving his remains. And it was a bunch of us buddies who did that. and one of the guys pulled us all into a room. He said, hey guys, let's just get in the room here for a second. And he said, hey, we need to tell each other we love each other more often. We need to remember to do that, okay? We're not doing it enough. And so that's what I would say to everybody out there.

1:25:07Tell the people that you care about that you love them more often, okay? Because it only does good. It really does. And I know you have a couple, well, we're not Navy SEALs anymore. We're former Navy SEALs, right? But a couple of former Navy SEALs here. And if we can sit here and tell people to tell them, tell people that you love them more often, do it. Right. This is what we need in this country. We need to love each other more. We need to have empathy. It's OK to disagree with each other. What's not OK is if we don't talk to each other. So empathy, love and discourse is what we need. Oh, my God.

1:25:38Do you see why he was such a great leader? That's another line I'm going to steal from Rich. Yeah, it's mine, too. I got it, too. So last, by the way, you guys, it goes without saying thank you. It's I keep getting emotions because I know how special this conversation is. I know that so many people needed it. I kind of feel like, well, you guys need it, too. Like, oh, yeah, no doubt. No doubt. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. All right. Welcome back to the show, everybody.

1:26:07So the man that we're going to talk with today is a very important man to me. There are not five people on planet Earth that I would rather speak to today than this young man. And my dream list for people that would be on this podcast, he is at the very, very top of the list. Because he's a story of resiliency, faith, strength, comeback. And you all know his story. On January 2nd, 2023, with about five minutes and 58 seconds left in the game against the Cincinnati Bengals, my dear friend here tackled wide receiver T. Higgins. He was running with the ball. He hit DeMar in the chest with his helmet, and DeMar made the tackle, as he always does.

1:26:54He got up after that tackle, stood up for a second, and then collapsed on the field. and in that moment our country was captivated and literally hundreds of millions of people were in prayer for this precious young man. I don't know that I've ever said this and meant it more. I am so grateful that you are here today and welcome to the show, Damar Hamlin. Good to have you here, brother. Somebody who's going through, they're on the bottom right now, right now in their life. They're like, man, I'm down right now. You know, I just, nothing's working out. You know, my business just failed or I just broke up with my relationship or man, just nothing I've done has been clicking for years.

1:27:40I don't feel good about myself. I'm down. And this may sound like an interesting metaphor, but they need sort of a life version of CPR to get back up again. They need some life breathed back into them, literally. what would you say to somebody who's just down right now and wants to make a comeback what would you say to that person who's struggling with that right now first thing I would say is man you can't you can't conquer the world in one day so you know just take yourself out of that big perspective and see how you can take one step and put the right foot in front of the left foot you know um something I've heard a while is you can't sit in the pool of pity you know so even when you feel that feeling of you know you want to harp on your your situation or your circumstances too much get up and move like literally I mean get up and move you know so you can get yourself out of the feeling before you get sunk too deep into it um that's the first way I would say just you know to deal with the emotions that come off of your situation don't allow yourself to sit in it get up and move and don't think you can just know that you can't conquer the world in one day.

1:28:48So wherever it is you want to be, you know, you got to take it step by step one day at a time. You know, I knew that I had to take it step by step one day at a time. I couldn't worry about, you know, trying to suit up and play in the playoffs again, or I would have drove myself crazy. Literally, I would have drove myself insane. I had to know that it's going to be a journey. And even through this season that I just went through, you know, people deal with ACLs and don't come back in the time period that I did, or any other injuries that don't come back in the time period that I did. So I know it's going to be a journey.

1:29:18Even when some people return off the ACLs, they're not their same selves. That first season out their back, they need time. They need steps. They got to put the right foot in front of the left, and they got to walk the journey. They got to go through the ugly phases, you know? I feel like I just went through an ugly phase this whole season. You know what I mean? But I'm super proud of myself, you know? So go through the ugly phases. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it. That's the biggest part of it all. focus on taking one foot in front of the right, go through the ugly phases, and just continue to try to get better one day at a time, one step at a time, and write down what you feel is necessary to accomplish what you want to get done, and then follow it.

1:29:56Make no negotiations with yourself whenever you set the plan out. Like, if you say you're going to do certain things at certain times or with certain people, make sure you're doing, you know what I mean? Hold yourself to a different standard and accountability so that you can get out of your situation. You know, you can't get out of a situation doing the same things that puts you into the situation. So, you know, that's, that's like insanity, doing the same things and expecting different results. You know, and I'm kind of, I'm kind of, you know, preaching that message to, you know, a lot of my personal friends in my life, you know, who are, you know, they complain about certain things or they bring certain things to my attention.

1:30:34And then, you know, they keep doing the same things. I'm at the point where it's like you know if you're gonna keep dealing with the same certain type of things don't even tell me because like don't don't sit up here and just waste all my time when you okay with accepting the same things i got you where you are if you want to get yourself to a different situation you got to do different things to get different results yeah that's my that's my perspective on it that's so good i brother i'm just sitting here going you gotta be kidding me It's so good. You know what you are? You're a great perspective giver.

1:31:08Just who you are. I got to tell you, today was a particularly not great morning for me. And I was talking to my daughter. And I said, she goes, how are you doing today, Daddy? I said, I'm not having a great morning, Bella. I'm not having a good day. And then we hung up, and I was kind of just re – I've been so excited about this interview for so long. It's kind of like re-preparing a little bit. and then I literally said to myself I just everybody hear this for whatever you're going through I said really you're not having a great day compared to what the day DeMar had on January 2nd 2023 in that moment that's a bad day compared to me I'm at a couple meetings not go the right way right and this man was in front of millions of people literally fighting for his life does does it give you a perspective brother like when you're having what was used to be a bad day You're like, well, not compared to like compared to what?

1:32:02Right. Do you ever have that thought? Does it give you perspective on that? Man, every day, every day, to be honest, you know, there's no day where I can, you know, allow myself to get too low anymore because, you know, I have the appreciation of life. You know, so no matter what's going on in life, just to still be here is a blessing because we all know some people who are not. And we all wish that we could have some people still with us. So no matter my situation, I'm able to allow myself to appreciate something. You know, it's hard to appreciate everything, you know, especially when, you know, for the people that are listening, especially when, you know, you're going through situations where your emotions are rising and, you know, you're feeling whatever you're feeling the most.

1:32:46But I'm always able to bring myself to appreciate at least one thing, no matter what it is, no matter if it's the ability to still play football, because that could have been taken away from me. no matter if it's just appreciating family, my little brother, my mom, my dad, no matter if it's just appreciating a deep breath or appreciating wherever I am in the world. If I'm in California, if I'm at home, if I'm anywhere in the world, I always bring myself to find at least one thing that I can appreciate. It shapes your perspective differently. It really does. Wow. Brother, I love you. I'm two things.

1:33:28I got one last question. One, I'm grateful for you. You as well. I thank you for this. This was therapy. Good. Well, me too. And millions of people. The second thing is I just, as a brother, I'm proud. I'm just very proud of you. Very proud of you. You're remarkable. All right. A football question because they'll be pissed if I don't ask. So are you a free agent? No. Okay. So you're under contract. I'm with the Buffalo Bills. I'm a Buffalo Bill. Okay, because I read something today, Bill's Mafia, I read something today, you know what I'm going to ask you about. They were like, hey, I wouldn't mind ending my career playing for the Steelers, right?

1:34:06Is that an accurate quote? Like, I just make you awkward. I asked you, I didn't push you too hard on what happened on the field. So I got to, like, people want to know, what's going to happen with this young man? So we know you're a Bill, but is there a little part of you eventually would love to finish up with the Steelers, or you want to be a Bill for life? I want to be a bill for life you know that's the team that truly took a chance on me and gave me opportunity you know to show what I can do you know I'm a late round draft pick throughout the whole entire draft you know I watched my name sit as the first name to best taken you know for like two three rounds um you know and I'm just like will I ever get my opportunity you know I knew I had what it takes you know but But, you know, opportunity, like preparation doesn't always meet opportunity.

1:34:54I was prepared, but I didn't know if the opportunity was going to come. So, you know, the Bills, when they selected me, you know, I was – I felt so blessed, you know. And I didn't know anything about Buffalo. I didn't know anything about Bills Mafia at the time. But, you know, it didn't take long for me to – for them to show me exactly who they were. And, you know, for me personally and then doing my research as well, just seeing how they treated their players, how they treat other players on other teams, you know, like donating$80 ,000 to other people's team, like to other teams' foundations.

1:35:31Like it was just unbelievable of like the support that Bills Mafia has for the players of the Buffalo Bills. So first and foremost, I want to clear all year. I want to be a Buffalo Bills for life because that's the team that took a chance on me. And when I answered that question, you know, I answered it from the perspective of, you know, a childhood perspective, you know, a kid that, you know, grew up his entire life. Like I told you, man, I had the dream for a long time. I had the dream for a long time. You know, just making it to the NFL and just being able to have an opportunity to, you know, take care of my family and give back to my community, something that I didn't have as a kid growing up.

1:36:11You know, so that was always my driving force. But, you know, as a kid, you know, like playing the game, I always created myself as a Steeler and I always, you know, played the game like that just as a kid. So the question they asked me, I answered it from a childhood perspective. And then I also answered it from the perspective of, no, I don't want to play for the Steelers right now because I'm a Buffalo Bill. You know what I mean? Like I'm still under contract with the Buffalo Bills. And then on top of that, I spent five years at the University of Pittsburgh, and I shared the facility with the Steelers.

1:36:46That's how I built a close relationship with them. So that's college, five years. And then four years of high school where we had championship games at the stadium. So I've had my fair share of time there. How I answered the question was it would more so be a dream to finish career than to be playing now. And I say that lightly because you see players all the time who have a career. They'll have like an eight, ten-year career with this team, and then they'll go play for this team for X amount of time. And then when they finally retire, they'll go sign that$1 contract. with the team that they felt most connected to and then retire with that team.

1:37:37So, you know, it was it was a lightly answered question that kind of like super stirred up social media. But to be honest, you know, even through all the chaos of it that it caused, I'm just super excited to finally see people excited to see me play football. Yeah. That was a great feeling that above all those, you know, above all the chaos it might have caused. that was just a great feeling you know what I mean I dealt with so much um you know controversy and you know like just craziness all year long just uh it just if if I needed to if I needed to be playing if I was just all of a sudden just this trash player if I just was never good at football and I'm only famous for one thing and this and that uh you know so I went through a whole year of that, you know, and, you know, just chirping, you know, I don't allow none of that to enter my inner matrix, but, um, you know, it was super exciting to see people, you know, excited to see me play football again.

1:38:39So like, no, it turned me up a little bit, man. It made me go harder in the gym. Uh, it made me go harder in the gym those days because, you know, I'm excited for them to see what I got in the tank too. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. What is a singular transformative thought that somebody could think that would change that? Because I know you discuss it in the book, and so I really want to drill down on that. What is one thought, one thing that we could think, like, I'm stuck, how do I get out?

1:39:10Yeah, you have to evaluate the meaning you take from things. So it's not the events of your life. First off, what's thinking? Like, let's just look at that. What's thinking? Thinking is the process of asking and answering questions to ourselves. I get really deep on that in the book. So thoughts are created by questions. So you have a repeated question that you ask yourself regularly. So two things you need to change the question you ask yourself, not the statement you make yourself, but the question you ask yourself. And I'll give you a thought about that. I literally list like 50 questions to ask yourself.

1:39:36But the other thing is that it's not the events of our life that define us. It's the meaning we take from it. That meaning then creates an emotion that emotion causes us to make a decision. Okay. So for example, Well, you and I, God forbid, worst thing ever, we walked out to the house when I leave here, and there was a car accident, and someone was killed right here, and we had to walk to the scene of that accident. So that's an event. You and I would go to that event and go, my gosh, this is one of the worst tragedies, the worst tragedy I've ever experienced in my life. We'd be sad. We would create a series of emotions.

1:40:08Same exact event, Mother Teresa was here. She would tell you that it was the honor of her lifetime to be present when someone's soul leaves their body and goes to heaven. Same exact event. totally different meaning, totally different emotion. That's an extreme example. So what you have to start asking yourself is when something happens, this may seem weird, what would I need to believe about this so that it would serve me? My dad's drinking. I could be the son of an alcoholic and I could have all those negatives in there and that's where I come from and my dad was this, my dad was that. Or I could say, what do I need to mean?

1:40:37What do I need to believe about that event? What would I need to believe, which is true, is that's where I got my best skill sets. What I did is I learned about redemption. What I learned is what I didn't want to have. So it's asking yourself the powerful question, what would I need to be? Here's the other thing. When you have a negative thought, awareness of a thought makes it lose its power over you. So for me, I have those thoughts sometimes too. And I'll go, I'm doing it again. And then you get above your thought. When you get above your thought, it's almost like a little game you're watching play.

1:41:04It can't impact you like it does when you're in the thought. So get above your thought. You don't have to believe everything you think. and most of the stuff you think is bull sheesh most of the time installed out of a flawed question you keep asking yourself so just ask yourself what would i need to believe about this so that it would serve me and when you and then sometimes you can ask yourself what would so and so do in this situation use one of your models how would jasmine handle this situation i do that often how would one of my mentors handle this situation so it's ask a better question you'll get a better answer you'll take away a better meaning i love this so again let's get super granular what is a common question that you see people asking and be like, there's a better question.

1:41:44What is the common question? What is the better question? Yeah. One of the common questions is, um, what do I need to worry about right now? Well, we all have a question going on in our mind all the time. So like when you wake up in the morning, there's a question you've asked yourself upon waking that creates an emotion for you for many people before they even lead to bed. What do I need to worry about today? And by the way, here's another one. Here's a big one. Even though we don't say it that way like what am I afraid of right now my dad till he died when I would get off the phone with him go hey be careful I don't even know what it meant you ever have a parent say that to you hey be careful I'm like I'm 46 years old like be careful do you even know he didn't even know he was saying it right but what does that notate when you say that to a child all of their life be careful what oh uh what should I be afraid of and I want to be a good boy and I want to behave And I want to, so all of these little things that happen, there's these, these really quiet questions you're asking yourself all the time.

1:42:37For me, I learned one thing about me of all these tools I have. It was like about five years ago. I was like, you know, it's interesting, man. I create chaos in my life. Like I stir things up when they're going good. And I, and I'm like, and I used to tell you, I function so well in chaos because I do. And I'm really familiar with it. But the reason I create chaos is I grew up in it. Right. So no matter what's going on in my life, I find a way to get my chaos. I'm going to find a way to get my chaos. We all in the book, I talk about emotions. We all have like the five or six emotions we get on a weekly basis, regardless of the circumstances.

1:43:12So if those emotions are fear, worry, anxiety, lack, depression, anger, down, whatever they might be, you find a way to get them, don't you? You find a way to get these emotions, no matter what the conditions are. Maybe a day or two you don't. But over a week, you're like, I got my anxiety. I got my fear. I got my worry. I got my lack or you could say the emotions I want are joy ecstasy passion right for me I got all the ones I want but there was this lingering one which was chaos And how do I get rid of it's really hard it still comes up, but what I do is I go I'm doing it again I'm doing the chaos thing.

1:43:44I'm doing it. You dummy I'm doing and I get above the thought and almost becomes like watching a little carnival ride down here that I'm doing I'm like you dumbass. What are you doing again chaos again? What would I need to believe about this so it wasn't chaotic and I would aim myself to do it to believe about this. What do I need to believe about it? What's the meaning I gotta take? Yeah, and I'm like, I've got happiness and joy and ecstasy and passion and all that other stuff. But there's this one dude. I used to have fear and worry and anxiety. You know, I probably still have a little worry thing where I'm like, what am I worried about right now?

1:44:15You ever just, you ever drive in your car and you're doing something, you're like, I don't even know what I'm worried about right now. Yes. You ever have that happen? I sometimes think my mind maps to, what do I need to worry about right now? That's exactly what it's doing, Jasmine. It's literally looking for something to worry about. It is your RAS, and it is your map. It is a pattern. The perfect word for it is map. So it's being aware of it when it happens, and then beginning to be intentional in replacing it with the other thing. It's exactly what's happening. And it's me, too. Human beings have this.

1:44:41And here's the other thing. It's never gone if that software was installed in you when you were a child. And by the way, you could say, no, no, no, my parents were the most loving, unbelievable people in the world. My dad meant to protect me by going, hey, be careful. Be careful. What a weird thing to go out into the world thinking, I better be careful, I better be careful, I better be careful. That's not a way to live your life. Underneath that is fear. And let me say one last thing. I say in the book, emotions aren't negative or positive. They just are. It's the dosage. Like, if I never had fear, fear makes you focus.

1:45:15Fear was given to us in the caveman days, so like T-Rex didn't eat us, right? So like, fear's healthy in doses. But to live in it, it's concerning. anxiety is not that bad for me, a little bit of it, because it makes me prepare. Right, if you had no anxiety about this conversation, perhaps you wouldn't have prepared. So it's the dosage of it, just realize that. Don't beat yourself up when you have them, it's to the extent that you get it. Ooh, okay. I can see that, like right now, I mean, people could have stopped listening at like five minutes in, and got a good dose of Ed Mylan. Thank you.

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