How to Start Winning Again

23:11I think actually more people need, hey, it sucks. It's worth it. It's not going to be easy. But then after you have achieved what you wanted out of life, other people can't assert their will as easily on you. That's a fact. It's interesting. I've had this philosophical discussion because I was at most games, but I wasn't the dad who coached the teams. And there was a part of me as I was coming up and even in line, I wish I had done that. Ironically, I'm now at this age now where the guys who coach the teams, they are grateful they did it. But there's a part of them that's like, now I'm 55 and I'm scared because I'm not financially equipped.

23:48I am at risk. I can't care for my parents like they need right now and my family. And so you have to be careful with those choices that you make all the time. And it is great to applaud the person who's there all the time. And that's a great life. Every sacrifice has a choice. To go back to the sacrifice thing. Don't you think it's important what you said? I want to just build off of it and have you elaborate on it. I think you need to decide that sacrifice thing in advance. I think what most entrepreneurs do, or just humans, they don't negotiate the price tag in advance. And then while they're going through the effort of doing it, they're expanding and expending all this energy on the internal negotiation.

24:24Is it worth it? Oh my gosh, it's costing me this. I didn't know it was going to be that. I think there's brilliance in what you said about on the front end, deciding as a family, as a couple or as an individual. This is the price I'm willing to pay so that you don't spend all this mental gymnastics negotiating it constantly. I love that line. You should negotiate the price tag of your sacrifice ahead of time. Brilliant. I learned this from my husband in a lot of ways. He is former military ex-Navy SEAL. And so watching him is really interesting because he's so regimented on so many things because he understands that the most important thing you do as a Navy seal is not shoot or fight people.

25:06It's you make decisions. Your most important weapon is your brain and your ability for that to not fatigue. And so decision fatigue is the biggest enemy in warfare. It's I have to make so many rapid decisions that I need to have a lot of capacity for the important ones and the understanding of when is it important and when is it not. And so what does he do? He just doesn't negotiate normalcy. So every single day, He gets up, he eats the same thing. He does his workout the same way every single day. Workouts are a habit. They are not an option. And as many times as possible, he makes the normal things habitual.

25:43And then he gets to have lots of fun and spontaneity around it, but he doesn't allow for decision fatigue. And so I've learned a lot from him on that. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So the man that we're going to talk with today is a very important man to me. There are not five people on planet Earth that I would rather speak to today than this young man. And my dream list for people that would be on this podcast, he is at the very, very top of the list because he's a story of resiliency, faith, strength, comeback.

26:29and you all know his story on January 2nd 2023 with about five minutes and 58 seconds left in the game against the Cincinnati Bengals my dear friend here tackled wide receiver T Higgins was running with the ball he hit DeMar and in the chest with his helmet and DeMar made the tackle as he always does and he got up after that tackle stood up for a second and then collapsed on the field and in that moment our country was captivated and literally hundreds of millions of people were in prayer for this precious young man. I don't know that I've ever said this and meant it more. I am so grateful that you are here today and welcome to the show, Damar Hamlin.

27:15Good to have you here, brother. Thanks for having me. I appreciate the intro. You've talked to some of the the biggest and the best across the world you know so to be in that you know top five that you wanted to talk to um it's it's you know it's honor so i'm glad to be here glad to believe somebody who's going through they're on the bottom right now right now in their life they're like man i'm i'm i'm down right now you know i just nothing's working out you know i my business just fail or I just broke up with my relationship or man just nothing I've done has been clicking for years I don't feel good about myself I'm down and this may sound like an interesting metaphor but they need sort of a life version of CPR to get back up again they need some life breathed back into them literally what would you say to somebody who's just down right now and wants to make a comeback what would you say to that person who's struggling with that right now first thing i would say is man you can't you can't conquer the world in one day so you know just take yourself out of that big perspective and see how you can take one step and put the right foot in front of the left foot you know um something i've heard a while is you can't sit in the pool of pity you know so even when you feel that feeling of you know you want to harp on your your situation or your circumstances too much get up and move like literally i mean get up and move, you know, so you can get yourself out of the feeling before you get sunk too deep into it.

28:48That's the first way I would say just, you know, to deal with the emotions that come off of your situation. Don't allow yourself to sit in it, get up and move, and don't think you can just know that you can't conquer the world on one day. So wherever it is you want to be, you know, you got to take it step by step one day at a time. You know, I knew that I had to take it step by step one day at a time. I couldn't worry about, you know, trying to suit up and play in the playoffs again or I would have drove myself crazy. Literally, I would have drove myself insane. I had to know that it's going to be a journey.

29:18And even through this season that I just went through, you know, people deal with ACLs and don't come back in the time period that I did or any other injuries that don't come back in the time period that I did. So I know it's going to be a journey. Even when some people return off the ACLs, they're not their same selves. That first season out their back, they need time. They need steps. They got to put the right foot in front of the left and they got to walk the journey. They got to go through the ugly phases. You know, I feel like I just went through an ugly phase this whole season. You know what I mean?

29:46But I'm super proud of myself, you know, so go through the ugly phases. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it. That's the big that's the biggest part of it all. Focus on taking one foot in front of the right, go through the ugly phases and just continue to try to get better one day at a time, one step at a time and write down what you feel is necessary to accomplish what you want to get done and then follow it make no negotiations with yourself whenever you set the plan out like if you say you're going to do certain things at certain times or with certain people make sure you're doing you know what i mean hold yourself to a different standard and accountability so that you can get out of your situation you know you can't get out of a situation doing the same things that puts you into the situation so you know that's that's like insanity doing the same things and expecting different results.

30:36You know, and I'm kind of, you know, preaching that message to, you know, a lot of my personal friends in my life, you know, who are, you know, they complain about certain things or they bring certain things to my attention. And then, you know, they keep doing the same things. I'm at the point where it's like, you know, if you're going to keep dealing with the same certain type of things, don't even tell me because, like, don't sit up here and just waste all my time when you're okay with accepting the same things that got you where you are. if you want to get yourself to a different situation, you got to do different things to get different results.

31:11That's my perspective on it. That's so good. Brother, I'm just sitting here going, you got to be kidding me. This is so good. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit Progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates.

31:43Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. So imagine it's midnight, you're on the couch, you're scrolling through this new website, hitting the add to cart button, and you decide to check out, but you remember that your wallet or your credit card is in the other room, and you don't want to get off the couch. That's okay. You don't need to because there's that big, iconic, purple shop button. You know the one. With that shop button, that's Shopify. And there's a reason that so many businesses sell with it because it makes everything easier from checkout to creating your own storefront.

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32:52Sign up for your one month,$1 per month trial period and start selling today at Shopify.com slash Paula. Go to Shopify.com slash Paula. Shopify.com slash Paula. You know what you are? You're a great perspective giver. Just who you are. I got to tell you, today was a particularly not great morning for me. And I was talking to my daughter. And I said, she goes, how are you doing today, Daddy? I said, I'm not having a great morning, Bella. I'm not having a good day. And then we hung up and I was kind of just re I've been so excited about this interview for so long. It's kind of like re-preparing a little bit.

33:31And then I literally said to myself, I just everybody hear this for whatever you're going through. I said, really, you're not having a great day compared to what? The day DeMar had on January 2nd, 2023, in that moment, that's a bad day compared to me. I'm at a couple of meetings, not go the right way. right and this man was in front of millions of people literally fighting for his life does does it give you a perspective brother like when you're having what was used to be a bad day you're like well not compared to like compared to what right do you ever have that thought does it give you perspective on that man every day every day to be honest you know there's no day where i can you know allow myself to get too low anymore because you know i have the appreciation of life you know So no matter what's going on in life, just to still be here is a blessing because we all know some people who are not.

34:25And we all wish that we could have some people still with us. So no matter my situation, I'm able to allow myself to appreciate something. You know, it's hard to appreciate everything, you know, especially when, you know, for the people that are listening, especially when, you know, you're going through situations where your emotions are rising and, you know, you're feeling whatever you're feeling the most. But I'm always able to bring myself to appreciate at least one thing, no matter what it is, no matter if it's the ability to still play football, because that could have been taken away from me.

34:58No matter if it's, you know, just appreciating family, my little brother, my mom, my dad, you know, no matter if it's just, you know, appreciating a deep breath, man, or appreciating wherever I am in the world. If I'm in California, if I'm at home, if I'm anywhere in the world, I always bring myself to find at least one thing that I can appreciate. It shapes your perspective differently. It really does. Wow. Brother, I love you. Two things. I got one last question. One, I'm grateful for you. You as well. I thank you for this. This was therapy for me. Good. Well, me too, and millions of people.

35:37The second thing is I just, as a brother, I'm proud. Shoot, I'm getting them up. I'm just very proud of you. Very proud of you. You're remarkable. I'll have a football question because they'll be pissed if I don't ask. So are you a free agent? No. Okay. So you're under contract. I'm with the Buffalo Bills. I'm a Buffalo Bill. Okay. Because I read something today, Bills Mafia. I read something today. You know what I'm going to ask you about. They were like, hey, I wouldn't mind ending my career playing for the Steelers. Right? Is that an accurate quote? I just make you awkward. I didn't push you too hard on what happened on the field.

36:14People want to know what's going to happen with this young man. We know you're a Bill, but is there a little part of you eventually would love to finish up with the Steelers, or you want to be a Bill for life? I want to be a Bill for life. That's the team that truly took a chance on me and gave me opportunity to show what I can do. You know, I'm a late-round draft pick. Throughout the whole entire draft, you know, I watched my name sit as the first name to best taken, you know, for, like, two, three rounds. You know, and I'm just like, will I ever get my opportunity? You know, I knew I had what it takes, you know.

36:49But, you know, opportunity, like, preparation doesn't always meet opportunity. I was prepared, but I didn't know if the opportunity was going to come. So, you know, the Bills, when they selected me, you know, I was I was I felt so blessed, you know, and I didn't know anything about Buffalo. I didn't know anything about Bills Mafia at the time. But, you know, it didn't take long for me to for them to show me exactly who they were. And, you know, for me personally and then doing my research as well, just seeing how they treated their players, how they treat other players on other teams, you know, like donated$80 ,000.

37:27to other people's team, like to other teams' foundations. Like it was just unbelievable of like the support that Bills Mafia has for the players of the Buffalo Bills. So first and foremost, I want to clear all year. I want to be a Buffalo Bills for life because that's the team that took a chance on me. When I answered that question, you know, I answered it from the perspective of, you know, a childhood perspective, you know, a kid that, you know, grew up his entire life. Like I told you, man, I had the dream for a long time. I had the dream for a long time, you know, just making it to the NFL and just being able to have an opportunity to, you know, take care of my family and give back to my community, something that I didn't have as a kid growing up, you know.

38:11So that was always my driving force. But, you know, as a kid, you know, like playing the game, I always created myself as a stealer. And I always, you know, played the game like that just as a kid. So the question they asked me, I answered it from a childhood perspective. And then I also answered it from the perspective of, no, I don't want to play for the Steelers right now because I'm a Buffalo Bill. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still under contract with the Buffalo Bills. And then on top of that, and then on top of that, you know, I spent five years at the University of Pittsburgh and I shared the facility with the Steelers.

38:46That's how I built a close relationship, you know, with them. And then so that's college five years and then four years of high school where we had championship games at, you know, the stadium. So, you know, I've had my fair share of time there. How I answered the question was. It would more so be a dream. To finish career than to be playing now, you know, and I say that I said that lightly because, you know, you see players all the time who have a career they'll have like an eight ten year career with this team and then they'll go play for this team for x amount of time and then when they finally retire they'll go sign that one dollar contract uh with the team that they felt most connected to and then retire with that team um you know so you know it was it was a lightly answered question that kind of like super stirred up social media but um to be honest you know even through all the chaos of it that it caused i'm just super excited to finally see people excited to see me play football with you know what i mean like that was a great feeling that above all else you know above all the chaos it might have caused that was just a great feeling you know what i mean i i dealt with so much um you know controversy and you know like just craziness all year long just uh it just if if I needed to be playing, if I was just all of a sudden just this trash player, if I just was never good at football and I'm only famous for one thing and this and that.

40:27So I went through a whole year of that and just chirping. I don't allow none of that to enter my inner matrix. But it was super exciting to see people excited to see me play football again. So it turned me up a little bit, man. It made me go harder in the gym. It made me go harder in the gym those days because, you know, I'm excited for them to see what I got in the tank too. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

41:01Now on with the show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Hey, have you ever thought about like running a marathon? Because I've thought about it. I'm like, there's an Ironman in Coeur d 'Alene where I spent my summers. Just the marathon part of it, I was like, that's bananas, 26 miles. Have you ever thought about doing that? Have you ever watched one of these Ironmans and go, I'm going to do that someday? By the way, it's like about a two-and-a-half-mile swim, 112 miles on a bike, 26-mile run. That's kind of what an iron-length triathlon is. I want you to imagine doing one of those. Then I want you to imagine getting up the next day and doing it again.

41:38Can you imagine back-to-back days? then I want you to contemplate thinking about doing it 30 freaking days in a row. You got that? How about 50 days in a row? How about 100 days in a row? Get your mind around that. That would be one of the great all-time athletic endurance feats in the history of the world, and simultaneously one of the great mental toughness and resiliency feats of all time. Guess what? I got the dude here today who did it. A hundred in a row in a hundred days. His name is Iron Cowboy, James Lawrence. Welcome to the program, brother. Share with us what it's like to finish, to achieve it.

42:30So you've had a few of these. You know, we're all sitting out here like I got my dream too, man. Mine isn't a hundred conquer a hundred. You know, it's not that my dream is X or Y. What's it feel like? Woo. I did it. What's that feeling like if you can even begin to describe it? Yeah. This is, this could be an entire podcast to unpack because coming off the 50, I got heavily warned. They said, look, you're going to fall into depression. you're gonna have confusion brain fog you're not gonna know what's what's up and I didn't experience that on the 50 and so when I was coming off of the 100 I was like it's not gonna happen I've got this I'm a man I'm invincible I just I just I just did sports history I'm good and and I you saw the emotion of crossing the finish line of the 100 and it was that was raw and that was real.

43:29And what I didn't expect was the depression, the confusion, the brain fog. I don't know when it happened, but at some point in the time, I transitioned into a protective state to where I was in such trauma and turmoil that my brain was protecting me. And it was not allowing me to feel, And I believe I was, and I, it was probably around 85 that now looking back on it, I was in the ultimate of flow state. And, and that's when it was, it was, somebody said, the documentary asked me a question. I was on the table and they said, how many could you do? And I said, 200, like, I didn't even hesitate. I was like 200.

44:14I was in such a state of like power and, and flow. And then I came out of it and I had this like my brain and our brains are so powerful, Ed, that it was masking every emotion that was real and that I was feeling. And it's hard to explain, but I was in an ultimate protective state from trauma. And I now have a lot of empathy for people that are going through something intense that they aren't themselves because they're trying to protect themselves from the feelings or the emotions or the trauma of what they're going through. And I would have never said I was in that state until I had an opportunity to come out of it.

45:00And it's been really hard. I've been walking around the house. I'm supposed to be recovering. I don't know what to do. That was who I was. And that was my identity and everything. And now that gets stripped away. And then you start questioning, well, who am I? Is that my only value? Is that my only worth? And then now you start to have this real conversation with yourself. Okay, now what is my place? And you start to go through this transitional conversation with yourself. And I think there's three phases to any big journey. It's preparation, it's execution, and then it's post and recovery to whatever that looks like.

45:39And I think we have to respect all three levels of that type of journey. And the recovery portion of it could be the most important because it's when you unpack the lessons and you try to internalize the experience so that you can evolve again and be a better person to have influence that you want to have to help other people have that same type of experience in their lives. on a positive level. And so I'm, again, I'm grateful for the struggle. I'm grateful for the lessons that I can learn so that I can develop empathy for others that are in that situation. And so like we talked about, I'm, I'm grateful for rock bottom.

46:20I'm grateful for the struggle. I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn those lessons so that I can be a better father and person. I'm grateful for you today. And hopefully it will dawn on you when we finish this, that one of the places you belong is doing what we just did here today. Because literally millions of people's lives are affected by this, especially on the audio side, millions of people. And there were no wasted words today. And only you are qualified to deliver these because of what you've gone through, because of what you've achieved. Only you. No one else could do what you did today because someone else has not gone down literally the road that you've gone down.

46:58It makes me a emotional to say. And so it'll begin to reveal itself to you, brother, as you move forward, you're in that repair and recover stage. One of the realest answers of all time. I've had the same sense. A lot of athletes, a lot of business people have had those things happen. Oftentimes mothers have it when they have the dream of giving childbirth. Some of that is obviously chemical, but it is a thing that sometimes when this journey ends, our identity changes, the chemistry in our body isn't just right. And there's just what's next. Is there and next? What's my value? All those things you said, I can just tell you that for everyone that listened to watch this today, they would all come back and you put their arms around you, hug you, go, brother, you just did it.

47:38You just spent an hour doing it. And I can see the emotion on your face now. And so little did you know, it's the ripple effect. You know, only you are capable of delivering the words and the messages and the insights you have because only you have gone down that road. So I'm grateful for you. And wow, like just a wow. So thank you. And I'm here to help you by the way you know that we've got each other's numbers anything i can do in this transitional phase for you can i wrap up with one one thought 100 yes okay so i i i don't know if you tuned out after day 100 um do you know what we did the next day no i don't okay so um we did 101 did you really and um did you really yeah so we went live every day during the swim And I think this is important because of who you are and, you know, your tagline of Max Out.

48:36And we turned on the live the following day when I would have normally been swimming every single day. And it was just me in the pool by myself doing one more. And I got asked the question a lot, why did you do one more? and I had a lot of people understand and then I had a lot of people just they were confused and I I I hate the because my the way I feed my family is I I get on stage and we tell our story we we motivate and we do coaching and whatnot um and I and I love um talking from stage and impacting people. And I don't appreciate the speakers that are out there trying to teach a lesson when they haven't done it.

49:29They haven't been on the battlefield in the battle. And I felt like I would be a hypocrite if I told people that you can get up and you can do one more. And the campaign, day 100 was on a Tuesday and Sunday night I said, I just got the most intense impression, James, you need to do one more. And, and I was like, are you freaking kidding me? Like I am broken. Like I am mentally exhausted. I've been showing up for a quarter of a year. Why would I do one more? And the, and, and I got the impression it's not for you. and and I felt like our team needed to show up and do one more because on your journey when you're broken and when you are at your limit I promise you you can get up and you can do one more and that one more might be by yourself and I don't know how many times you're gonna have to get up and do one more by yourself, but I promise you, you can get up one more.

50:38And I didn't feel like I could bring integrity to our story if I didn't go out. And as a team, we did one more. And so we did one-on-one because I want to lead from the front and I want to show people when you are broken and when you have reached your limit, you can do one more. James, the book I'm writing right now is called One More. You just stole the title of my next book. Ed, we're in a fight. I'm going to be out before you. And I'm adding your story to the book because I have the rights to this podcast. But I'm not exaggerating. I'm almost done. And I told you that you went on this journey.

51:23You did this. I know you did it for my audience, but you just did it for me. And so I'm sure the books will be very different in content. But yeah, my book is The Power of One More, and it'll be out in the fall. I am so excited for that book, Ed. I'm just blown away that you just said that. That may be the craziest thing that's ever been done on the show, and it was at the end. I hope everyone's still listening because that's a wow. Thank God you added that, too, to an unbelievable conversation. So thank you.

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52:47That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I'm excited for today because I'm going to cover a topic a lot of you have asked us to cover on the show. Basically, what we're going to go through today is how your habits deliver on your goals. So essentially, it's got a little bit to do with goal setting, but delivered by the habits that we create. I'm going to give you seven steps to making your goals a reality by delivering with them on habits that serve you.

53:18And that is one of the things that you've got to evaluate first before we get into the seven steps is, You know, it's great to have goals and outcomes in our life, but if we don't develop habits that serve us and we don't have the ability to create new habits, we're probably going to produce the same exact results over and over again. You know, about 90 % of our choices and thoughts every day are identical. And so that's why, as a consequence, we produce the same external results. In life, it's much more important to be focused on what's going on inside of us as opposed to what's going on outside of us because everything, once it leaves us, is outside of our control.

53:52we can control the things that are inside of us, which are our habits. And the reason habits matter so deeply, I like James Clear's work on this and other people's, including mine in my book, The Power of One More. I have a whole chapter in there of how to develop healthy habits that serve you. But one of the reasons habits matter is not just our day-to-day life, but under pressure in life, under stress, we always respond reflexively. And so it's our reflex to respond habitually. So there's a lot of autopilot in life. That's true. It's why sometimes you can be driving and not even be thinking.

54:24You kind of just pull right off the freeway, go to your house, take the left, take the right. You don't remember how you got home sometimes because you're on autopilot. You're on habit mode. But under stress and pressure, we respond to these habits that are ours. And so how do we develop these new habits that serve us as opposed to the ones that don't? You show me your habits, and I'm probably going to show you your life. I'm going to show you the difference that separates people is what they do habitually. And so we're going to talk about how to shift that a little bit. So one thing a habit has to have to exist is conditioning, meaning you've got to be able to do it over and over and over again so that it can replace something that was there before.

54:59And so for me, when I look at an athlete, for example, that's very, very successful, if I deduce what their habits are and I develop the same habits, I've got a higher likelihood of producing the same results as that athlete if I behave in a certain way. In other words, there's a consequence for choices in behavior. And when we choose the right behavior over and over again, success is really not that difficult. It's a collection of habits. And so if you wonder whether or not, you know, you can be successful or achieve your goals, that's really not the question. The question is whether you'll invest the time to get serious about changing the habits that would deliver on those goals.

55:31Goals without an attached habit are really useless, right? But actually having great habits with no goal is also useless. You'd just be going through the motions without producing a result. And so let's talk a little bit about the goal part first. Seven things that I want to cover today as it relates to goals and habits. Number one thing with your goals. Write this down. specificity. You've got to get more specific with what exactly it is that you want. Imagine if you were going to invest in a company and they put their annual report out and they go, yeah, we want to be profitable. Or we made some money.

56:03Would you invest in that company? You would want to know specifically exactly what was the top line revenue? What was the bottom line revenue? What are your expenses? What's your forecast? Specifically that you believe the dollar amount you're going to hit the street. You would never invest in a company that did not give you specific markers for what they've done and could not tell you specifically what they want to get done and what their goals and outcomes are. Yet most human beings are wandering generalities about what they want. I want to be more fit. I want to be happy. I want to be wealthy.

56:32I want to make a lot of money. What does that mean? You wouldn't invest in a company that didn't have those types of specifics, yet every single day we're walking around wondering whether success will invest in us. Success is not going to invest in you if you're general. By the way, your mind cannot go to work, your brain cannot go to work on processing a nonspecific general result. It doesn't know how to do it. It's got to be specific. I want 10 of those. I want to weigh 125 or 186. I want 12 % body fat or whatever it might be. I want$100 ,000 in income. I'm going to have five meetings. These are specific things.

57:10Then you can build a habit backwards from them. And I'm talking about even the people that I coach that pay me a significant amount of money. When we first encounter, I was working with a brand new person just the other day, and he said, I just want a win. I just want a win. And I said, okay, what's that win look like? And he goes, I want FU money. I said, okay, cool. I love that. I love your passion for it. What's FU money? He didn't have an answer. And that's why he doesn't have FU money, right? He doesn't have it. And the reason he doesn't have it is he has never gotten specific about what that looks like.

57:46And there's a power to getting specific. Right when you begin to get specific, your brain wants to develop habits to deliver on that outcome if you repeat it over and over again. Why? Because your brain is constantly trying to conserve energy. It's always trying to create a habit so that it doesn't have to think, so that under pressure, it'll just be reflexive. Okay? So your brain wants to form a habit to serve your specific outcome. But when that outcome is nonspecific and general, it'll always revert back on producing the nothingness that that goal is delivered by the habits you already have.

58:24So specificity is critical. So what I'm saying to you is when you review your goals, whether that be for the year, the month, or the day, I want to have a good day. What does that mean? Clearly, the more clear, the more specific you are. the higher probability is that you'll deliver on it and that you will begin to create the habits that support it and reinforce it on a regular basis. Because remember, habits need conditioning. You developed this habit you have because you conditioned it over and over again. And the only way that it's going to get replaced with a better one is by conditioning it over and over again.

58:56And the only way you're going to condition it is if it's specific. If it's specific, okay? So please, today I want to make 10 contacts. Then it's 10. or if I'm going to sit on, I'm making it up, you're going to do curls in the gym, right? I want to do 10 curls at 30 pound dumbbells, whatever they might be, specific, and we're going to talk about this later, measurable and tangible, okay? And so whatever that is, you got to have an exact amount you want so that we can produce an exact habit. Then the reticular activating system in your brain knows how important this is to you and And we'll begin to find the resources, the people, places, and the things that have always been around you, but that you've been oblivious to before to deliver on it.

59:39In The Power of One More, my book, I talk about the matrix. I call the reticular activating system the RAS in your brain as the matrix because it's sort of what reveals to you what's important. It can actually slow things down when you're an athlete or create the habits that you need to deliver on it. So this part of our brain is really critically important to program it. it can't program on a nonspecific general thing. And I'm going to tell you, 99 % of people, even the people who are one-on-one coached by me, aren't specific. And it's the major part of my work with them. Even athletes go, I want to win the fight.

1:00:15Specifically how? Specifically when? Want to have a good game tonight? Specifically, what does that mean? Three for four? Two hits? You want to shoot 68? Like exactly what does it look like so that we can build the habits to back that up. And it might not even be that they want to score a number. It might be that I want to hit 10 crisp golf shots right on the button, 10 of them today, right? Great. Or I want to only have 25 putts. Great. These are specific things that we begin to adjust. You'd be amazed at how much your brain wants to reserve energy. It doesn't want to think. It wants to build a habit so it doesn't have to think anymore and expend energy on it.

1:00:51So that's the good news. So specificity. Number two, what's the catalyst step? Just write down catalyst step. See, I think that everything, James Clear has this thing where he talks about the two-minute rule, the two-minute idea, where if you could just get something done for two minutes, it's the beginning of a habit that can give you the catalyst to success. I call mine a catalyst step, meaning if you can just do one thing, oftentimes there's one move that if you make it, it can handle seven other things. So ask yourself, what's the catalyst step I could take today? So like there's this notion when you go to the gym, some people say showing up is half the battle.

1:01:28No, it's not. It's not. It's not half the battle. However, it is part of the battle. And so it can be considered a catalyst step just getting to the gym. That's not half the battle. It's not even 20 % of the battle, but it is part of the battle. So perhaps a catalyst step is getting to the gym. Maybe a catalyst step is, you know, in your business life that you're going to, you know, pick the phone up five times in a given day or type seven emails. But it's some catalyst. You do something that's a catalyst to create change. John Maxwell talks in his book about the law of the catalyst that is a person in an organization.

1:02:05They're a catalyst for change. So ask yourself, have you got a specific goal of, I want to make $100 ,000 this year, or I want to weigh 180 pounds or whatever it might be. Ask yourself the next question. Am I specific enough? And what's the catalyst habit that I would need? What's the catalyst habit? For example, for me, my energy was very, very low years ago. And I decided the catalyst habit that I could control was drinking a gallon of water a day. That was my outcome. Follow me. My outcome was one gallon of water a day. Okay. However, that was a habit that was difficult to create. So I said to myself, what's the catalyst step that could get me in the door?

1:02:43And that was this. Here's the catalyst step. I left a one liter bottle of water next to my bed, just a liter for when I woke up in the morning. And my catalyst habit was when I woke up, I drank that liter of water before I did anything else. That was a catalyst step to get me towards my outcome that was specific, which was drinking a gallon for the day, which was to deliver on my overall goal, which was to feel more energy and health and vitality in my life. So that's an example of a catalyst step. What is a catalyst that you could do to get you into the game, to get you moving, much like James Clear's two-minute idea?

1:03:20These are huge things because you can start going step by step. It might be just getting to the gym. It might be ordering that microphone for the podcast you're going to start. Just ordering the microphone, right? That's a catalyst step. Why does that matter? Because deliberation is delay. Strategy is oftentimes like strategic procrastination in the sense that what you're doing is you're going into all this planning phase, but really it's mocking. You need more planning. You need more time. You need more strategy. That's all an excuse not to take action. And what i'm saying to you is I cannot teach you how to drive a parked car The most important thing you can do is to just get going.

1:04:02You've got to write an entire book Maybe the catalyst step is you're going to write the first Sentence of the book. I had a friend of mine when I was struggling writing the power of one more I just couldn't get decided on what I wanted the book to be about exactly He said forget writing the book. He said write out what you want the chapters to be first You don't have to even have a title of the book yet. What would the chapters be? And so I wrote the chapters out, just the titles of the chapters, not what was in the chapters, not what I was going to say about them, not the content, not the quotes, not the title of the book, not even the flow of the chapters.

1:04:32Just what would the chapters be? And what that did is was a catalyst step to get me out of delay, to get me out of procrastination, to get me away from deliberating about it or strategizing about it or planning about it. It got me in motion. And then I wrote those chapters out. I went, no, that wouldn't be the order. I'll flip this. And And then the next morning I will go, no, that wouldn't be a chapter that could fit in that one, but I'm going to make this a chapter. And then all of a sudden I started recording audios that would start in the book. But the catalyst habit that moved me was the idea of writing the chapters out.

1:05:05The catalyst habit of drinking the gallon a day was to get the one liter of water by my bed, right? And to stop deliberating, stop delaying, stop strategy sessions that end up being procrastination sessions. Okay, so huge, huge deal. Third, this is a big one. Identify the biggest obstacle or distraction to you getting the goal done. What will likely be the biggest obstacle or distraction? Because really oftentimes in life, it's not about just adding a new habit for a goal. It's about eliminating one that's obstructing our outcome. So part of what we've already created is a catalyst habit, so it's creating a new habit.

1:05:44The third thing then is identify what the obstacle is or the biggest distraction. So could that distraction be Netflix? Could it be your phone? Could it be a particular room you're in? Could it be a person? Could it be a thought? Could it be something else you're doing that's no longer important to you, that's taking up the time that is required to do this new thing you want to do. But if you don't identify what's obstructing you, what the distraction is, oftentimes you will revert back. But you're a pretty powerful person immediately when you've got specificity to your outcomes, right? That's a big deal.

1:06:22You've developed a catalyst stepper habit, and now you've removed and identified the biggest obstacle or distraction. That's a huge thing. And maybe the biggest obstacle or distraction is your lack of self-confidence, and you need to immerse yourself in personal development as you get going. But to some extent, if you can, like for me, I know for the most part, my distraction is getting into doing things that I call in the small. I get into the small things. I get into the weeds too much instead of staying in the big and creating the big things and doing the big things that move things. I would say also that prior to the change I've made recently with, you know, I've had some health challenges.

1:06:58So I've gotten off of social media. One of the best things I've done in a long time for my physical and mental health. but also it's eliminated a huge distraction. It's just, I can't imagine, you can't even begin to imagine how much time you have when you're not in this stupid phone looking at stuff that doesn't mean anything. It's really incredible, or that doesn't even make you feel good anyway. So that phone was, maybe it's the news, right? Maybe it's your obsessing over the news. You know, it could be a TV show you're too caught up in. If you wonder whether or not you can build a new habit or not, or you could become obsessed with something, think about the last time you fell in love with some TV show on Netflix or Amazon and you streamed 18 of them in a row.

1:07:33So you're pretty good at staying focused, aren't you? Right? You got pretty specific with what you wanted to do, but what that stuff can become is becomes the obstacle or distraction and not the thing that leads to our success. And so identify that. Number four, success leaves footprints. Listen, there's a pathway already there. There's no hacks or shortcuts to success, but there kind of are. I was getting a new phone yesterday and the young man that worked in that store is 20 years old and he's got a baby. I got to know him pretty well as we were sitting there. It ended up being a few hours of getting a new phone and I just loved him.

1:08:10And he had so many questions for me, you know, about success in life and he just wants to be somebody so badly. Like he's got a fire burning in him that I didn't see with other people that worked in there, but I did see in him. He's, you know what I mean? That special one. He's got a fire. He wants to be somebody, wants his life to be awesome. He wants to compete. He wants to be successful. He wanted to be wealthy, like many of you do. And he said, is there any tips, Mr. Milet, or hacks or shortcuts? I said, you know what? There's no shortcuts to success. And I said, well, there actually is. Success leaves footprints.

1:08:41He goes, what do you mean? I said, well, the quickest way is to find somebody who's already done what you want to do and get as close to them as you can. If getting as close to them as you can is reading their book, then you're closer than when you didn't read the book. If it's listening to their podcast, listen to their podcast. And maybe you're closer to them there. Not just me, anybody. I'm not necessarily saying that with me. Or I said, as a young person, see if you can't go to an event or a seminar they have. And best, go to work for them. If you can go to work, he goes, I don't know what industry I want to get into.

1:09:10What do you think? And I named a few different industries. And I said, he said, well, maybe I'll get into real estate. I said, well, if it were me and I was going to get into real estate, I'd find out who the top broker in this town is or in this area is, and I would go to work for them, and I'd work for as little as I have to work for to pay my bills to get up close and to learn. And I told him, I said, there's this great Chinese proverb. And I said, the proverb goes like this. If you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back because they've got footprints they've left. And so success leaves clues, but it leaves footprints, the exact steps to take.

1:09:42So go find somebody who has taken those steps and learn from them and duplicate it and make it your own. Don't copy them, model them. There's a difference when you copy someone and you become like a knockoff version of them. And it almost looks like you're doing an impression of another person. I've watched a lot of people do that. That comes across inauthentic, not very congruent, not real, because we're all unique human beings with their own talents and nuances and idiosyncrasies. And so when you just verbatim copy somebody. It's just a weaker knockoff version. But modeling somebody is slightly different.

1:10:17That's learning from them and then making it your own to fit your personality, your intensity level, your talents and giftedness. So model someone who's left the footprints. And that's a much faster way to get to your goals. And the thing that you should be modeling in them are their habits or is their habits? What are their day-to-day habits they have that have delivered on the results they've gotten? Because oftentimes we're not sure what the habit is we need to form, but somebody else does know. And so whether that's reading their book, listening to their podcast, going to their event, if they have one, or going to work for them.

1:10:56And for the record, I'm not talking about me. I mean, I wouldn't be the person to teach you real estate. I'm just giving you an example. So whatever that industry is, find the best person in it and get as much information from them as you possibly can. With the advent of social media, that is one of the great gifts that you could follow somebody who's in a particular industry or craft you want. And people are pretty free with giving away information now for free on their podcast, on their social media. So you can begin to learn from them. Number five, depth perception. I think most people don't realize that they're much closer to their dream and their goal than they realize.

1:11:32And so most people don't have a lack of vision or a goal. What they have is a depth perception problem. They think they're further away than they are from the goal because they think it's so far away. And by the way, it could be years away, but you think it's really far away. Because you think it's so far away, you behave like it. You've created thoughts, patterns, and belief systems that will always keep it there that far away. because you think it's so far away. And it's a lie. The truth of the matter is you're probably one decision away, one mentor away, one new habit away, one new strategy away, one new catalyst habit away from completely changing your life.

1:12:07And so there's a depth perception issue for most people, which is they believe these things they want in their life are further. That doesn't mean it doesn't take a long time. It doesn't mean you don't need aggressive patience where you're aggressive but patient. It does mean, though, you should be in a hurry. Not enough people are in a hurry. I meet a lot of people, they're too casual. They walk too slow, they talk too slow. They don't really believe anything's coming around the corner that's gonna change their life. So as a consequence, they don't look for it. But what if you lived in anticipation that you're gonna meet that next person or that next account or that one client that's gonna give you tons of referrals or that one idea or that one thought or that one mentor or that one relationship or that one emotion, that one strategy.

1:12:47What if you lived in anticipation of that, that your depth perception changed? You said, I'm one away. I'm the power of one more away. Then your reticular activating system goes to work on finding it because you believe it's true and it's important to you. If you're oblivious to it and you think it's not going to happen forever, those very things, people, places, thoughts, etc. could present themselves to you and you will not see them. I always give this analogy, which I know you've heard before, but if you ever buy a new car, it becomes important to your RAS. I bought a Tesla once, and I remember everywhere on the road, I could see Teslas after I bought it.

1:13:22I mean, I'm driving my family crazy. There's another one. There's a red one. There's a white one. Other side of the freeway, three lanes over, there goes another, right? You've all had that happen. Why? Because they became important to me because I owned one. All of a sudden, my RAS reveals to me even things out of the corner of my eye over here. Those things were always there. Those Teslas were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because I didn't have them as important to me, and I didn't expect to. So if your depth perception is that it's years and years away, these Teslas of your life, you will miss.

1:13:53And these Teslas come in the forms of the one idea, the one person, the one client, the one relationship, the one thought, the one emotion. You miss them. They were delivered to you. You didn't hear them, you didn't see them, or you didn't feel them. Because they weren't important to you, and you didn't believe strongly. your RAS is a prover. It's going to prove you right. It's going to find the things. It's almost like you have a belief system. It's like the top of a table. What the RAS is trying to do, the RAS is trying to find references to prove you right, to put legs under it until it's stable.

1:14:24And then once it's stable, that's why, like if you're debating politics with somebody or something like that, they had an opinion and then their brain went to find the references to prove them right. And now they're like an immovable object and you shouldn't even be talking to them. You So their RAS reinforced it, and then their algorithm reinforces it, and then all their friends reinforce it. They've got all these legs under the table. They're an immovable object because their RAS is going to prove them right. So if you strongly believe your goals and dreams and vision are right around the corner, that you're the power of one more away, then your RAS goes to find those Teslas.

1:14:55But if you believe it's far away, it doesn't see them even when they present themselves to you. And that's why some people become mega successful and other people don't. It's not about talent. It's almost never about talent. It has a lot to do with our mindset, our mental programming, our vision, and our goals and our habits. One of the things to deliver on a goal is the habit of accurate depth perception, accurately using your RAS to find things. And that just makes your goals important to you. See, go all the way back to number one. If I have nonspecific goals, I want to get in shape. I want to be wealthy.

1:15:33What's my RAS going to find to process that? nothing. But if it's, I'm going to weigh 180 pounds and I'm going to be whatever shredded, all of a sudden your RAS listens to the article on the new protein that's out or sees the new workout or introduces you to a trainer or a workout person or a book on something. They were always there, but now you're seeing them because they're important to you. Okay. And of course, maybe it creates new associations for you, make new friends that are in that space and you're elevated because of that. So depth perception matters. The RAS matters. Here's the last thing I'll tell you on that.

1:16:09I don't know if you actually know exactly what the data is on this, but there's a bunch of data that suggests that anything a human being gets focused on for a year, they become in the top 5 % in the world at that craft. Isn't that fascinating? The power of a human being who becomes obsessively focused over a year or two ends up being in the top 5 % of whatever that is that they choose to get obsessed with. You could have never, ever, like I'll give you an example. I never had ridden a horse in my life until once when I was a little boy, but I knew nothing about horses a year or two ago, like literally nothing, maybe three years ago.

1:16:42And then I started riding. I didn't know the difference between a bridle and a halter. I didn't know how to lunge a horse. I didn't know what posting was. I didn't know about hooves. I didn't know about, you know, the veterinary things, the chiropractic stuff with horses. I didn't understand the reining aspects, using your legs as pressure, all these different things. But I became pretty obsessed with horses and riding horses. And although I'm not a great rider, I'm probably in the top 5%. Why? Because 90 % of people don't know anything, right? So I've eliminated them right off the top. And then just the fact that, you know, I've gotten okay at riding there, I'm not ever going to be a roper or a jockey or any of those other kinds of things.

1:17:22Those are the top 1 % or 2%. I'm not going to get to that. But you know what? If I were 18 years old or 15 years old, maybe I could have got to the top 1 % or 2%. But you can get to the top 5 at about anything with obsessive focus. I mean, if you know nothing right now, nothing at all about playing chess, never played in your life, but you came obsessed with playing chess, the rules of the game, you played it over and over again. You read the books. You studied the pros. You may never be the grand champion, but you can get better than 95 % of the people at it. And so don't underestimate total immersion in something and how great you could get at whatever it is, fitness, exercise, reading, podcasting, writing a book, starting a business, getting into any industry.

1:18:02I believe you could get into any industry as long as it takes advantage of some of your talents and giftedness. And if you become obsessed in that industry, you get the right mentor. You get specific on your goals. You eliminate the distractions. You have the catalyst habits in your life. You have the right depth perception. I believe you can get to the top 5 % of that industry. Let me say that to you again. You could choose any new career. This is my opinion with rare exception as long as you have some giftedness towards that craft or proclivity for it and start from scratch. And in a year or two, if you're obsessed with learning and growing and trying and doing all the things we're talking about here, I believe you can get to the top 5 % of that industry.

1:18:40I believe the data suggests this. It may take a year or two, but you start to eliminate all the unfocused people. First off, you eliminate all the people not in that industry, then all the people who quit, then all the people who can't deal with a failure, then this, then that, and you start getting pretty darn good. I think you get to the top 5%. And then from there, it's a dogfight to who the best in the world is at anything. That requires hard work, refining of the game, good fortune, blessing, momentum. But top 5%, you can get there. And I think you ought to walk in with that type of confidence.

1:19:08I'm going to get into real estate. You know what? In a year or two, I think I can get to the top 5%. I'm going to get into finance. I'm going to get into writing books, whatever it might be. I think you get to the top 5 % if you do these things. I can't promise you that, but the data suggests just about anything, something as goofy as riding horses part-time, you get to the top 5%. You eliminate all the people who don't do it, who aren't even trying, who've quit, and you slowly move your way up the ranks. Number six, where performance is measured, Third, performance improves. Now that you've got your goals and you've got some of these habits that you're reinforcing, you have to measure it.

1:19:45You have to measure your performance or that of other people. But let's just take you. You've got to measure regularly if you're changing that weight. You've got to weigh in regularly. You've got to do your body fat regularly. You've got to diagnose your workouts. Are you getting stronger? Are you getting weaker? What body parts are getting better? If you're starting to write a book, you've got to measure the progress of writing the book. If you should be having written 30 % of the book by now, it needs to be measured over that period of time. If you're going to make$100 ,000 this year, you should be at XYZ through the year.

1:20:13If you're going to save a million dollars in your lifetime, you're measuring the amount of savings you have. If you're not measuring a performance regularly, it will not improve. But when you do measure something regularly, typically it improves. Go back to investing in that company. You want that company to be reporting to you if you've invested in it over time of how they're doing. because if they don't, it's unlikely they're going to improve. Human beings, when they are measured, they improve. So whether you lead people or are leading yourself, one of the greatest gifts you could give yourself is by challenging yourself to have your performance measured.

1:20:50The numbers matter. The leader's board matter. The scoreboard matters. You've got to have the courage to look at the scoreboard of your life. Look at the scoreboard of your weight loss. Look at the scoreboard of your new business. Look at the scoreboard of your wealth. The scoreboard of your relationship, where it's measured, it improves. When you hide from measuring it, it's not going to improve. So you've got to measure it. And lastly, seven, you have to have an appropriate celebration and recognition when you do achieve a goal along the way. See, listen, your brain needs to be rewarded appropriately when you achieve something.

1:21:26So a lot of people, I did this when I was young, I would just achieve and go, okay, on to the next one, on to the next one, on to the next one. That's a formula for burnout because your brain eventually goes, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not getting anything out of it. I'm getting no dopamine out of this. If I don't get any dopamine, I don't want to do it again. So you've got to give yourself appropriate celebrations and recognition. If you're leading other people, appropriate celebration, appropriate recognition for their achievements. And I'll talk about appropriate lastly in a minute.

1:21:54But what has to happen is your brain has to say, I got a reward. I got my dopamine hit. The good news is all the data tells us that we get more dopamine as we approach the finish line towards a goal as we actually get when we get there. So just the pursuit of greatness can give you the dopamine that you're looking for. But when you get there, for most people, it falls off the charts. It's like a crash. It wasn't what I thought it would be. I'm on to the next one. I'll celebrate the next time. And you're training yourself to not really want to keep doing it over and over again. So you got to have appropriate celebration and you got to do recognition of yourself.

1:22:28Now, on the other side of that, I've seen people with completely over the top celebration. They hit their best month ever in sales and they go to vacation for two weeks just when they've got momentum going. That's insane to me. You just created momentum. What you're doing is destroying your success, sabotaging it. So when you get back, you're back to ground zero again. So most people's problem is not that they don't appropriately celebrate a little bit. It's that they overly celebrate. They celebrate too much. They flinch. They recognize because as they approach their finish line, they didn't set up a new goal and a new outcome that stretches them out even further.

1:23:05This is a major mistake. I got there and I just didn't know. No. As you're approaching the finish line, get there. Don't move it. Don't move the finish line because if you move the finish line, you never get there. You never get the dopamine, but when you the celebration but get there celebrate and move it forward what's the next thing what's the next number where are we going next and again it's got to be specific we got to eliminate distractions we need a catalyst habit we need these other things but please appropriately celebrate the 20 of you won't celebrate at all and you're eventually going to burn out and train yourself not to go for it the other ones over celebrate they take too much time in between right they sabotage the very results they got usually most winners real achievers don't celebrate enough and people that are always going to struggle in their life man I remember this just coming up in biz I like you so you just had your best month ever and you took four days off or you just had your best quarter ever and you stopped doing all the things that created that quarter like you think you're done like you think it's all going to work out now that you're over the hump that you don't have to work like that anymore.

1:24:12Successful people do what they did to get there and more the next time. Unsuccessful people stop doing what it required for them to get there in the first place and they do less. I never understood that. Let me say that to you again. I want you to evaluate. You just hit your sales goal. You just hit your financial goal. What did you do to get there? And what you did to get there, do it again and more to produce the higher result. It's going to require more. But what most people think is they think, oh, I got there. I don't have to do that anymore. I've got momentum. I'm in a different position now.

1:24:45Things are okay. I'm past the scary phase. I don't think so. So you got to do more than what it required. And that's why you'll see great athletes. I think of like the Kobe Bryants and their work ethic of the 3 a.m. workout. Everybody on the team went to practice. He'd do that 3 a.m. workout, then go to the team practice, then come back after lunch, then again. And that's after winning championships. That's after the titles. That's after the recognition. And that's why he was Kobe Bryant and other very talented players, names we don't remember. They won a championship or they got to the NBA, but for some reason they overly celebrated and they didn't re-up their game.

1:25:23Here's what the great ones know, that the habits that got me there will keep me here and I'll have to create new habits and better habits to get me to the next level. The people that lose abandon the very habits that got them there in the first place. Is that crazy? Think about that again. If habits are what are delivering on it, you finally got your habits right, you finally produce the results and you stop the habit, you somehow think that it's just going to keep going. This is the delusion that's happening to people. And this is why most people are successful for a while. And then they're not.

1:26:00And the reason they're not long-term is they stop doing what got them there. Really successful people say, these are the habits that got me here. What's the new, even better improved habit that would get me higher and better? And so that's how you got to look at it. Upgrading your habits to get to the next level, not stop doing the things that got you there. And then the last thing I just want to kind of give you the, maybe the warning of, of someone who's a little bit further down the road, something that happens to us insidiously when we achieve or when we get better. Ironically, getting better can actually cause us to be very hard on ourselves.

1:26:39Most people will never tell you this. Because what happens is when you grow and get better as a person, you begin to look back at the former version of yourself and judge it and judge them and decisions or choices you made. Because now you've acquired more wisdom and information and maturity, maybe experience. We have a tendency to judge other people or judge ourselves unfavorably when in fact us three or four or five years ago didn't have this level of experience, didn't have that level of wisdom, didn't have the information or the maturity. So to judge yourself for lack of success in the past or failures in the past isn't fair to you because you didn't have all that wisdom.

1:27:19You didn't have the information. You hadn't been down the road. And also to judge other people who have not acquired your level of wisdom yet or information or experience isn't a healthy thing either because someday if they go down the road you've gone down, they'll acquire that as well. So just be guarded against judgment of your former self or judgment of other people so that you can keep that mindset. I've been saying this lately so much. There's this great Gandhi quote that says, I will not allow you to walk through my mind with your dirty feet. And one of the things that have the dirtiest feet in life is judgment and assessment of ourselves or other people.

1:27:57It's one of the worst things you can do for your mindset. And so sometimes when we begin to achieve, we become more judgmental of other people because they're not where we are or friends of ours that haven't come along the same journey, or we become judgmental of our former self. And none of that judgment is healthy nor justified and does not serve you. And so make sure you protect yourself from judgment as well.