How Your Ego Is Causing Failure

0:04This is the Ed Milet Show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Milet. And I want to start out today's show by just reminding you of something about you. Because maybe no one's told you in a little while. You were born to do something great with your life. You're supposed to do something special, and you're gonna. I can promise you that you have all the potential in the world within you. And I know the rest of the world is probably telling you constantly to be average, to be ordinary. You know, there's different haters you have in your life. There's people who put you in your box. There's people who overlook you, that make you feel invisible.

0:36and it's important that you hear from me that that's not who you are. And by the way, you're not even who you've already been in your life. Your past does not equal your future. Your present does not equal your future. And I just want to remind you officially that you can do something great with your life and that you're destined to do something great with your life and that you were born for a reason. So important that you know that, that you hear that from me today and that you begin to believe it about yourself because if you don't believe that about yourself, there's no chance it's going to happen.

1:03You can't achieve something in your life that you don't believe strongly, certainly, that you can achieve. And I know that I find many of you today, some of you are listening to this today, you've got momentum in your life and things are going well and you're looking for a key or you want to hear about a mistake you might make that you can miss because I warn you about it. And I'm going to give you all those things you know that on every program. But I know there's many of you that arrive here today, you're just not in the groove. Things aren't going great. Maybe you're in a down cycle in your life.

1:30Maybe there's some letdowns and some hurts that are happening right now. and maybe a little bit of, you know, a little melancholy, a little anxiety, a little fear, maybe all the way to some depression. And I just want to be that person who reminds you that you can do something special and that you're going to and that you have everything you need within you right now to make your life great. And you can turn it around at any time you decide to. You know, what you allow is what's going to continue in your life. I put out a post about this several weeks ago. It's hard to accept this, but what's happening in our lives, we're allowing it to happen.

2:02And to some extent, we almost believe we deserve it because we produce in our life what we really believe we're worth, what we really believe we deserve. And it's hard to accept that because it seems coincidental that the wrong person entered our life or there was a business setback or our car broke down or our company went out of business or whatever it might be. One of your clients just quit and changed their mind. And it seems coincidental. But you really truly are getting out of your life what you believe you're worth, what you believe you deserve, and you're allowing it to happen. And I'm gonna challenge you today to stop that.

2:31Stop allowing it and know that you deserve better. And so we're going to talk about something very ironic today that doesn't seem connected to it, but it's absolutely connected to it, and that's ego. See, the truth is ego is always false. Ego is always something that raises its head when we're insecure, when we're fearful. If you meet people that you think are egomaniacs that are constantly bragging about themselves, these are the most insecure people that you know. They're the most fearful people that you know. They're the most scared, and they're usually the least happy. And so, but I'm going to say something to you.

3:03I want you to consider as I go through ego today, I know you think, wow, I'm so down on myself. How could I have an ego? It's actually the people that are down on themselves that actually have their ego materialize and show up more often than they think. And it's their ego that may actually be holding them back. You think, wow, how could someone with low self-esteem have a big ego? Oh, trust me, they do. And so egos are not part of people with high self-esteem. The people in my life that are the most self-confident typically don't have big egos. And so I want to talk to you about that today. By the way, I'm covering this today like many things I cover because it's something I struggle with.

3:35My ego will step forward often in my life, and it usually steps forward when I'm the most scared. It could be when I'm achieving. I'm starting to be pretty full of myself, right? But a lot of times when you're achieving and you're full of yourself, what's really happening in your mind is you're afraid you're going to fall down. You're afraid you're going to lose something. You're afraid there's going to be a setback. So often our friends, where we see their ego, is when they're doing good. Or she thinks she looks so good she's showing herself. actually she doesn't think she looks good and she's looking for validation from other people you guys that have a friend you know he's really winning he's making a lot of money it's just not the same he's got a big ego all of a sudden you'd be surprised that money he's making that car he's driving now he's so afraid he's going to lose it he's so scared he so believes his results have exceeded who he really is he's so out over his skis that that ego shows up because he's afraid when you see ego know it usually means fear and i know that sounds counterintuitive but it's true So we're going to talk about just recognizing our ego when it shows up.

4:30Because for me, either someone else points it out to me, close to me, or I see it in myself. If you have to wait around for other people to tell you, hey, your ego's out of control, it's too late usually. So we've got to be able to see our ego when it rears its head, be aware of it, and it loses its power over us. We can go back to being our real selves, which is point one today. You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. and when our ego shows up, in a minute I'm going to show you some not so subtle ways egos show up and you're going to see what I mean about maybe your ego is present.

5:03But remember this, when ego shows up, we're not ourselves. We're not connected to God. In other words, if you can let go of your ego, you can let God in. When you can let go of your ego, you can let your real confidence in. When you let go of your ego, you can go really become who you were born to be. And so oftentimes, times, this is so important you get, you may be losing right now because of your ego, because of your ego, because you're not feeling good about yourself. And so let's get into some of the things that are indicative of big egos, the really obvious ones that I want you to look at when they rear their head sometimes for you or others, but then we're going to go to the not so obvious ones and then we'll talk about a solution.

5:37So here we go. Here are some of the signs that your ego is taking over in your life. Number one, defensiveness. It's not one you'd think of, is it? Defensiveness. If you ever meet somebody who's very defensive, very reactive about whatever their situation is or whatever you're asking them about, their ego is rearing its head. Sometimes we need to respond to criticism to get better, and when we're defensive about it, that's our ego rearing its head. So in yourself and in other people, do you see any defensiveness patterns for you? This is an ego issue. Number two thing that's an ego issue is always trying to be right or prove what you're saying to be true in excess.

6:11If you ever meet somebody who's kind of going out of their way to prove what they're saying is true, this is usually their ego taking over because they know what they're saying may not be true, and this is their ego rearing its head. The second thing is the need to always win in a disagreement, the need to always win in a fight. This is an ego issue that somehow if you concede to somebody that they've made a great point and maybe you need to make an adjustment or a change, that somehow you're weak. This is made out of a position of insecurity. So believe it or not, that's an ego move based out of the insecurities you have.

6:41You don't always have to win every disagreement. It's okay to say I'm sorry. It's okay to admit. Admitting you're sorry, admitting you're wrong, being open to criticism and changing is a sign of confidence and strength. Lack of ego. Ego is when we're weak and insecure and we have to win. We have to prove what we're saying is true. We have to prove we're right. If you see this tendency in someone that you're in a relationship with, you're in business with, or in yourself, this is their ego rearing their head and they're never going to fulfill their full potential. I know many of you right now, that's so-and-so at work.

7:12That's my spouse. That's my girlfriend. That's my boyfriend. That's my dad. That's my mom. And that's great that you see it in other people. But is it you? Just ask yourself honestly, is it you? It's easy to see these egos in other people. But the real winners in life, the real achievers are so self-aware they see these things in themselves. Number three, ego issue. pride and boasting, constantly bragging about themselves, boasting about their achievements, boasting about what they have going, being very prideful in their behavior. The Bible talks often about the maladies of having pride in our life.

7:41But if you're bragging, if you're boastful, if you're prideful all the time, this is someone with a big ego. That's one of the more obvious ones. We go, I know that, but do you see that in someone you love? Do you see that in someone in business? Do you see prideful and boasting in yourself? The next one's a not so obvious one, revenge. Do you seek revenge against people? Do you want to get back at somebody? Do you no people who are constantly getting back at somebody. Revenge is ego every single time. Next, possessiveness. Possessiveness is an ego thing. We don't own people and our desire to control people, control situations, to possess people almost is an ego issue.

8:16And when you see this in other people in your life, someone's trying to be possessive of you in your business or in your personal relationships. No, this is an ego out of control happening and they better get that ego in check or it's going to make your life miserable being in a relationship with them. and if you have this issue, you're going to make people around you miserable trying to possess them as well. Be honest. Does this fit you or someone you love or no? Talking poorly or gossiping about other people, number one sign of insecurity, and that's ego. You think, wow, he's right. Insecurity and lack of confidence is actually ego, and it is.

8:47And so people who gossip, who talk about others, try to go an entire day of your life without talking about another person in a negative way. Actually, try to go about an entire day of your life without talking about another person. Just try to not talk about another person to other people for an entire day. And it'll begin to reveal to you how often maybe even you do it. And I say this because it's true of me. I always say I'm positive. I never talk bad about people. But that's not true. I have moments of weakness, especially when I'm with other people who sort of do that. I start to behave more like them.

9:17And maybe you do too. When you're around gossipers, do you gossip or do you stay above it? This is a sign of insecurity. It's a sign of weakness. Do you see this in you? Be honest. where you talk about other people in the presence of other people or do you know somebody who's like this? Either you or them have an ego issue. Next is what I call the gym weirdos. You ever been at the gym and you see that woman or that guy constantly flexing in the mirror all the time? Like that just, it makes you almost uncomfortable, doesn't it? Or maybe you have a friend who's constantly looking in the mirror, constantly checking their phone, constantly posting only filtered pictures on social media, right?

9:50They're just constantly obsessed with what they're looking at themselves. These are out of control ego people. right? So ask yourself a question. Is that you or somebody that you care about? Bullying. Bullying is an ego issue. Only insecure and weak people bully people. When I say bully, I'm not just talking about children in school. I'm talking about at work. You may have a boss that's a bully. You may have somebody in your department that's a bully. You may have a leader that's a bully. Their only way to get you to move and perform is bullying. This may surprise you, but as a child, I was bullied regularly because I was undersized and they'd call me Eddie Spaghetti and I just didn't have confidence.

10:25Bullies figure out who the unconfident kids are, don't they? And so I got picked on a lot. Not only did I not have any confidence, I was insecure. I was also small. So I was a great target for bullies. But honestly, when I became a businessman, I think I became a bit of a bully when I was young. Now, this was 20 years ago. But my style of leadership was intensity, was almost beating people up into performing rather than elevating them with recognition. And so bullying can be easily sloughed off. But I want you to look at your style in business and in your family? Do you get people to elevate because you recognize, praise, and believe in them, which is what I think I'm great at now in my life because I recognize the pain it caused other people when I was in my early 20s when I was more of a bully, push people type leader.

11:06You'll get far more out of your life and other people by pulling them with you than by pushing them. So ask yourself this of yourself as a leader in business, in your work, in your family, or the people around you. This is an ego issue. Now let's go through some of the less obvious ego issues that you may be suffering from or people you know. Number one, seeking outside approval and reward. The addiction to other people's approval is an ego issue on your part. You have an out-of-control ego if you're seeking the approval of other people. Remember what I said to you earlier, you can't love yourself if you're not being yourself and you can't be yourself if you don't believe in yourself.

11:38Remember that again. Let me say it to you again. You must hear this, okay? You can't love yourself if you're not being yourself and you can't be yourself if you don't believe in yourself. And so when you're looking at the addiction of other people's approval and seeking that all the time, that's the symptom. The disease is you're suffering from lack of personal belief, not being able to be alone. People who are afraid of being lonely usually have an ego issue. They're afraid to be alone. They don't like to be in their own company and own presence. Ask yourself, are you comfortable in your own presence, in your own company?

12:07Again, that'll indicate to you whether you love yourself. Another ego issue is that you only hang around people who agree with you. You only hang around people who believe exactly politically what you believe, exactly what you believe religiously, exactly what you believe about society. You know, a rich life, a confident person is willing to associate with people who have different opinions and express them. An unconfident person can only surround themselves with people who think exactly like them. And that's a formula for a really boring life. It's a formula for no growth. There's no one to challenge you.

12:36There's no one to stretch you. There's no one to make you think differently. There's no one to help you express your opinions. One of the great things about having a different opinion than a friend is you get to express that. And maybe it reinforces your strength. Maybe they persuade you. Next level is really subtle, is you're offended by criticism. If you're offended by people's criticism, you really have an ego issue. You need to look at that or the people around you that do. I'm going to give you two more that are ego issues that you need to look at. Are you stuck in the past? Are you constantly telling old stories from your past?

13:02Because that's an ego issue. That's a lack of self-esteem issue. Nobody wants to hear about your past. No one wants to know where you played quarterback or what you got in college or what promotion you once had or when you were once on TV. No one wants to know about the past. or what you once did anywhere in your life. They want to know where you're going and what you're doing. If you're constantly reciting the past, it means you're not living in the present. And this is an ego issue, and it's a formula for not winning. The next thing is insecurity and self-doubt. That's an obvious one, but believe it or not, people who are insecure and have self-doubt have an out-of-control ego because they lead with ego.

13:36They lead with this false self. Ego is false self, so they lead with the false self because they're so insecure and they've got so much self-doubt. Constantly apologizing. Believe it or not if you're someone who chronically apologizes you have somebody in your life who's constantly apologizing But then they make the same mistake all the time This is someone with an ego because you'd rather take the easy way out and apologize than fix your behavior And so these are people that I don't want in my life You keep apologizing for the same thing over and over again stop doing it You don't need to apologize the biggie Worrying about what everybody thinks about you if you're constantly worried about what everybody thinks about you You have an out-of-control ego.

14:10That sounds crazy. What do you mean if I had a big ego? I wouldn't care what everybody thought. No, exactly the opposite. People with out of control egos are so insecure. They're constantly obsessed with people. Think about them. People with no ego love themselves as we've talked about. People with the smallest ego are connected to God and they love themselves because they know they come from God in my opinion. And so because that's the case, you don't need the approval of other people because you've got God's approval. You've got the universe's approval and you've got your approval. And once you have that, you don't need other people's approval.

14:43These are all ego issues that impact our lives. So those are all different issues with the ego, right? Some of them are very obvious. Some of them are not so obvious, but let's just talk about you and finishing today. Wouldn't the ultimate version of you not brag, not boast, not tell stories about the past, not worry about what other people thought about you, right? Take criticism very well. All the things that we've discussed today, the ultimate version of you would have none of those things, wouldn't he or she? And that would be the removal of your ego. I believe the way we remove our ego is we love ourselves and we believe in ourselves and that way we know ourselves.

15:16And so what I want to challenge you to do today is just to start to give yourself a little bit more credit and just know when you see these symptoms arising in your life, these are indications your ego's out of control and check yourself when it happens. If you have people in your life who embody these symptoms, it's often easy to see the ego things that really repel us in our life. But the fact of the matter is for me, every single time in my life when my ego gets the better of me, I have a setback. So listen to me. It's very dangerous to lead with your ego because I'm telling you, you're getting ready for a setback in your life.

15:46Where do my setbacks come from in my life? I'm going to tell you where I have setbacks. People ask me, how do I get out of my slump? How do I break the habit that I'm in? And I'm going to tell you what it is for me because it's connected to ego. For me, I started to think I had it so figured out when things were going good that I stopped working on myself. I stopped reading the books. I stopped listening to the podcast. I stopped improving myself. And when you do that stuff, The poor result doesn't show up as you're doing it the poor result shows up 90 to 120 days later So that's the problem the failure or the setback is delayed by like 90 to 120 days and everything we do So in business if you're really successful right now and you got to a certain point But you stopped the very activities that got you there You don't fail the next day 90 to 120 days from now you pay the price in your life, don't you?

16:31You didn't do the work you were supposed to do and so three four months later all of a sudden business is down again So the negative result always trails the negative behavior by about three to four months for me my happiness level or my confidence level I always I got it going and then I stopped reading books. I stopped listening to the right stuff I stopped the right associations. It didn't happen immediately But 90 120 days later now my ego's out of control again And so where my ego rears its head for me is I begin to think I got it figured out I think I got it going I believe my own press clippings and I stopped doing the things that are going to get me to the next level and three to four months later, I go, man, I'm in a slump.

17:07Man, there's a setback right now. What the heck happened? What happened, dummy Ed Milet, is 90 to 120 days ago, you stopped doing the things required to win. And so the truth is, where you are right now, I love you, brother or sister. I want you to win. I opened up today by telling you you're supposed to do something great with your life. But in order for that to happen, you have to do the great things now because the positive results will trail by six months to a year. So negatives come get us 90 to 120 days, but positives don't end up showing up sometimes for six months to a year or longer. It's kind of like when you first start to eat well, you might get a little bit improvement, then it levels off, and you're like, man, I'm eating well, I'm working out, why isn't my body changing?

17:46Because the positive result is six months to a year away. That's why. But if you stop eating well, if you stop working out, you're 60 to 90, 120 days, your body's bad again. Same with our lives. If we're doing something great with our life, it's going to take us six months to a year to see the positive result. And so don't let your ego get in the way of saying, man, I'm doing all this stuff and it's not working. There's a delayed gratification coming. The same time, if you are winning right now, don't stop doing the things that got you where you are because you're only 90 to 120 days away from a setback.

18:20This is how the ego gets us. And so I want to remind you in conclusion, you're supposed to do something great with your life. You're supposed to contribute. You're supposed to win. but that starts with today loving yourself which is believing in yourself okay you can't be yourself if you don't love yourself and you can't love yourself if you don't believe in yourself and so today start to love yourself again I'm not talking about self-love that's not what I'm talking about you know some thought I love me I love me you know Stuart Smalley I'm good enough I'm smart enough gosh darn it people like me that's going to get you nowhere do things that are incongruent with who you really are do things that are the removal of your ego you know what says you have no ego You're willing to do the work every single day on yourself and in your business even though there's no result That shows no ego ego is why would I keep doing it?

19:07There's no result or ego is I got it going. I don't need to do it anymore You want to know you don't have an ego you want to know you got your act together You're doing the work right now to show how much you love yourself how much you believe in yourself Knowing the delayed gratifications coming six months to a year or maybe longer from now I'm here to challenge you to start living like you love yourself living like you believe in yourself Because you can't love yourself if you're not being yourself and the real self the real you Takes all the steps to care for you all the steps to improve you all the steps to grow you So, you know, you love you You know, you believe in you when you begin treating you like that and treating you like that means you don't gossip about other people You're not addicted to what other people think about you, right?

19:50You're not some victim, you know better than that You're not someone who needs everybody else's permission to win. You're not waiting around for results and not doing the work. You don't stop doing the things that help you win. So today, start doing the things that improve you confidence-wise, listening to the right podcasts, reading the right books in your business, doing the things you know you're supposed to do. Let me tell you what I know about you and your business. You're not confused about what you need to do. If you're a school teacher or you're an entrepreneur, if you're a mom or a dad, if you're a pastor, if you're a young person who's studying and wants to get into college, you're not confused by what you need to do.

20:24There's no confusion on what you need to do. There's only the decision of whether you're willing to do it and to do it consistently and to do it even when the results don't show up. Even when the results aren't there, are you willing to do it? And if you are making progress, you are getting good grades, you are leading your church, you are moving your business forward, you are flourishing at work. Do you have enough lack of ego to continue to do the work required to get to the next level? That's the separator. I hope that helped you out today. I hope you look at the negative signs of ego, some of the subtle and not so subtle ones, and you make the correct adjustments.

20:57I hope it was a revelation for you today about what real ego looks like and what real ego functions like and the things you need to do to keep winning. Don't wait 90 to 120 days from going to have another setback. And don't wait around because you haven't got results yet. Keep putting the work in. Keep doing the things required. There's a breakthrough coming. There's a victory coming. I promise you, keep doing the work at your business, on yourself, in your family. There's a breakthrough coming if you keep playing the work. Don't let your ego get in the way of doing that. Hope today's program helped you.

21:25No ego. Focus on what you need to be doing in your life to make your dreams come true. And I want you to believe in yourself and be yourself and love yourself. And you do that by the actions you take, not by just affirmations. God bless you and Max out. This is The Ed Milet Show.

21:51We'll be right back.