More Than Enough: The Journey Back to Self-Worth with Dr. Tiffany Moon

24:30I know that I do. I have a quick no trigger on new things even to this day. No, you want this new restaurant? No, let's go. I like the food over here. And you say this in the book. Everyone really, if you're at one and a half speed, listen to the real speed right now, okay? how many things are you just like automatically know to? And because you say so many knows, your spouse, your girlfriend, your boyfriend isn't even bringing up new ideas to you anymore because they already know the answer. And you're just repeating the same day over and over. So talk about that. You said, you know what? Like don't say, this is one of the joy prescriptions, which I love this.

25:08This is, here's how good it is. I got two copies of the book. I pulled it out of the book. This is on my desk next to my laptop. Your book. And here's just what it says. Don't say no immediately. I'm like, Mylette, just listen. Just be open. As crazy as it is. I don't like hiking. Man, just maybe go on one hike. Give us a joy prescription here. You don't have more joy all the time with no, that's for sure. So many opportunities are presented to us and we just say no. The immediate reflex is no. You want to chair this charity gala with me? No. Do you want to take an impromptu trip to Spain because I have some airline miles that are going to expire?

25:49No. It's just we think, oh, I can't. The kids have something. I'm busy. I don't know if I can get the time off work. I think our MO is to stay small out of fear. What I want to teach people is that you can take a leap of faith. Like I've done so many things outside of what I thought I would do. If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, there is no way I could have even imagined all these things. But it's because I was receptive to these new opportunities that it opened me up to like networks of people. I mean, I'm talking to you right now. Like that's a big freaking deal. I don't know how I got here.

26:28You broke some of your social and family conditioning. You didn't say no you started to pursue joy. You had an awakening an epiphany like this climb is great But i'm not fulfilled like and everyone listening to this right now. It's worth it You know, my dad when he was passing away about this new experience thing I asked my dad as he was dying I said hey dad, you know any regrets in my life and at first he says no My amazing wife my amazing family I feel like I was a good man. No I said, okay, and then it was like a minute later and he goes yeah yeah this is my dad he was a very thoughtful man he goes yeah well yeah and I go what dad he goes I wish I was more like you and I go what do you mean he goes I should have taken more risks I should have tried more stuff I said you think I'm good at that he goes yeah look at your life I should have taken more risks he goes I have a feeling now like right now I don't think I would of regretted stuff I failed at because I was going to end up here anyway.

27:30I should have tried more stuff. I should have tried some new experiences. I probably should have taken some risks. Like I should have bought that rental property that one time. So to your point, my dad in his dying days shared that exact message with me. Like it just kind of went on repeat at some point. And you know what I wonder everybody, and then I promise you, I'll ask you a question. I wonder if that might contribute to prematurely leaving this planet if you don't keep joy and new experiences in your life. Oh, for sure. Yeah, your spirit just says, all right, I've done it. As opposed to knowing and having a pattern of the new.

28:09Do you think I'm crazy about that? No, I don't think you're crazy. You're a doctor, so you can speak to it. I'm a doctor. I can speak on it. You know, the Surgeon General says that we have an epidemic of loneliness. loneliness and you think, oh, well, you know, we got 10 year olds walking around with iPhones, the world at their fingertips, quite literally, no kids like learn anything these days because, you know, why? You can just look it up or chat GPT it. And in my day, the mark of a good student was basically like memorizing stuff and then regurgitating it. And now I think, you know, it's how good of a thinker are you, how good of a problem solver you are.

28:41So explain to me, why our nation has an epidemic of loneliness, which is on par with smoking a pack of cigarettes per day in terms of damage to your health. But we're all, quote unquote, more connected now than ever, right? Like something is amiss there. And it's because we're spending all our time on social media, watching movies, watching TikTok, YouTube, whatever, and not making these true connections with people like we're doing. Where are you from? What drives you? What do you think could be different about the world. You know, like these deep, meaningful conversations. But all of us, all day, we stay right here on the surface of life.

29:20Oh, how are you? I'm good. How are the kids? The wife? Oh, I'm good. You don't know. That guy's going through some stuff, but you're not going to get it out of him and that kind of thing. We're also rushed. We're also looking down on our phones while walking or sitting in the subway. No one strikes up a conversation anymore. You'd be a total weirdo if you try to strike up a conversation with someone in the subway. Everyone's just on their devices with their AirPods in. So I think you're completely right that it does contribute to actual body harm, high cortisol levels when your soul isn't being nourished and you're not taking enough risks to make life enjoyable.

30:00Life should be about taking risks. That's like why I work here. I so agree. And this thing you said about going a little bit deeper with people. I have a friend that teases me. He has a plane and I had my own for a long time and I made a decision not to keep my. So he's always razzing me about it. Like, and so what do you talk about now on the airplane? And I told him the other day, I said, you know what? You'd be surprised. Not much. Because when I talk with people on a plane, they go to one level with you. Where are you going? You going home? Yeah. And then it's sort of, I'm the only one asking questions.

30:34And what I find is, it's like humans now don't go any deeper. How many kids do you have? What are their names? What do they do? What do they love to do? How did you meet your spouse? That's amazing. What do you love? And it's like, you'll find if you'll just go one or two layers deeper with somebody, then it's profoundly open and you get to experience this person. But if you stay on the surface, it's just another face with another name. And that's no way to go through life. One way that I have helped myself, and I want you to talk about it because you actually do a better job in the book than I would, is I have a lot of energy to give other people because I give myself some quiet to me.

31:16and what role has silence or stillness or and stillness played in helping you just connect with yourself again like just some silence and stillness yes i love this so every sunday i block out four hours on my calendar unless you know it's like easter something crazy and i call that my self-care time i look at my calendar so that i can prepare for any meetings for the next week i do my research, make sure I have my notes ready because I really like to be prepared. I am an anesthesiologist after all. I exercise. I meditate. I do my infrared sauna. I do my cold lunge. I go outside, touch some grass, walk the dog, just like be with myself.

32:03And it's no devices. I mean, I do have to access my calendar, but no like social media, no getting on email, anything like that. And it really grounds and centers me. Before, I used to fill every single day of my life with something and there would be no silence. When I'm at the hospital, I mean, I'm inside an OR, there's machines beeping, people are talking, you know, I have to be on alert. As soon as I get home and I'm with my kids, they're on me and I have to be on. And I noticed, you know, I'm never just with myself where no one needs me and I can just have 30 minutes of solitude. So I started conditioning my family and I'll say, mommy needs to have her mommy time.

32:46So I make sure that the kids are being taken care of, that my husband knows I'm okay. And I will turn off everything and go sit in my room and either meditate or take a nap or journal or just have a cup of tea and stare into space. I think solitude and silence are way underrated. I used to always listen to music or a podcast on 1.5 in the car. Sometimes when I drive home from work now, I just turn everything off and I just drive home in silence. I'd say I'll let everyone into my life too. I'd say 90 % of the time now in the car, I'm in silence. And then, of course, I listen to the Ed Mila show.

33:27Of course. Of course. Then I'm in silence.

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34:16Wanna keep tabs on that instant offer? With OfferWatch. Wanna have CarMax pick it up from your driveway? You wanna get it done to it? You wanna do it? So, wanna drive? CarMax. Pickup not available everywhere. I want to ask you something. It's a little bit personal, but your husband, Daniel, you know, one of the things it takes to live a life on your terms is some courage. And, you know, you got to be willing to ruffle some feathers of the people that are used to this version of you, right? Like that's one of the hard parts is it's the construction around us. Also, it's like, I'd like to do this, but my husband's going to say this.

34:53My parents will say this. My best friends will say that. And so just like you, Mary and Daniel, I'm reading in the book it's like you got to go to your mom and dad go hey i'm marrying this dude oh by the way he's not chinese he's korean and uh he's already been married before and uh there's some kids or whatever right so like like that took some and i know in your family i have enough friends that come from certain cultures in their family that it's like that is a massive thing and for some of you it's a massive thing to tell your significant other you're gonna start some hobby like it's that big of a deal, this construct around us.

35:29What would you say to somebody? What tip would you say or words of advice or wisdom to someone? It's like, it's not just me. It's this people and structure around me that's going to make it so difficult to change. Yeah. I think coming from a place of trying to understand where the other person is coming from, usually they're coming from a good place because they want, quote unquote, what's best for you, right? For my parents, they were like, oh, you're going to marry this older guy. He's had kids before. It's going to be difficult. His ex-wife probably isn't going to like you. And I'm like, I don't care about his ex-wife.

36:01She's literally none of my business. But we're in love and we want to build a life together. And can you please try to understand this? But I tried to understand it from their point of view too, because they didn't want their daughter to suffer, not have a good marriage. Same things with other people. When I took a little time back from work, from being a full-time anesthesiologist to going to four days a week and now three days a week, a lot of people were like, you're not going to practice medicine full time. But like, you know, you had so many student loans and you did so much school and training.

36:31Like what a waste. You know what? You're just going to go make candles now or what? You think you're going to like write a memoir? You're 40 years old. Like what kind of memoir are you going to write? You know, just all of these little things. And it's not like I didn't already have these nagging thoughts in my head. I already thought all of these thoughts too. And then for other people who you like and respect to voice their concerns, it really nags it. I was like, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just go back to working full time doing what I know because the book might not do well. People might make fun of me.

37:05And then it makes you second guess yourself. But a lot of those people are really just coming from a place of fear as well. They're trying to protect you. They're trying to protect them against something new. Yeah. If you need someone to confirm your biggest fears, you'll find them finding someone who confirms your vision and your dreams. That is not as easy, but finding someone who can, it's so funny when someone will say, Hey, you know, I'm really concerned about you. You think I have not thought that fear already myself. Like, of course I have. That's what people live in fear. You're not, you're not bringing up a new fear for me.

37:35You're confirming one I've already had men. I want you to listen to this question and I'm going to ask it about women and obviously all the women will be chime in here too but I want the men to hear this because it's something that I have found now that I've especially been in this space for 10 years now coaching people and being around so many successful people you say that you think a lot of high achieving women sort of feel invisible and I can tell you that that is not true for the The more they've achieved, the more they feel visible and prominent and seen. But you say that, and I've experienced this also with many of my female friends that have become successful, their experience in getting there isn't quite the same.

38:22They take incoming fire oftentimes from all sides, but they've also used that word with me before, which I was surprised to hear you say it. And then when you said it, I started picturing the faces of several very successful dear female friends of mine. What is that all about? I think as a woman, you have to temper your achievements, almost downplay them in order to be likable. When men stand proud and, you know, give each other a pat on the back or, you know, say something, oh, I was voted this. Other men are like, great job, buddy. Well-deserved, things like that. When women do it, there's a certain percentage of men and women who are like, who does she think she is?

39:13You know? And it's like, as your achievement goes up, your likability goes down as a woman. But as a man, as your achievement goes up, your likability goes up. Everyone wants to be, you know, around you. Your stock definitely goes up. I mean, I've had to run some codes in the operating room where the patient arrested unexpectedly and had to raise my voice or be like, you get the code card, you get the epinephrine, I need more blood in the room, stat, things like that. And there's a certain amount of assertiveness that goes with it. And then after the code is over, I find myself buffering with people.

39:48I'll go to the nurse and I'll say, during the code, I know that I raised my voice at you. I was concerned that the blood wasn't coming to the room fast enough. I just want you to know that's not a reflection of, you know, our interpersonal relationship. I was just trying to expedite, you know, the thing to make the patient better. And she'll either be like, oh, okay, you know, but I don't see men doing that. There are surgeons that literally throw instruments and yell at people. And after the code is over, I don't see them going around and buffering and trying to make sure that everyone's okay with them.

40:20Wow. Guys, I told you to listen. No, it's not. Well, I can, I can confirm. I don't I don't think anything's 100 percent. I know you don't either. But I will tell you that when I read that, I was like, you know what? It's a bit there's a lot of validity. I do find my female friends after conversations, after board meetings are the ones I do it. I maybe act like a female. I don't I don't know. Maybe it's but like, did I say anything that offended? If I did, please. I'm that way. But I do find maybe that's why I connect with them very well. But I think you're right. I think that by and large that that's true.

40:53I'm sure it's not true across the board. But by and large, I actually agree with that. And I think it's important that the men know this. That's an added pressure, it seems to me, on a woman on the climb. Now, what would you say to somebody who's like, okay, personal development's gone a little wacky on this other side here. It's like, it's all about peace, joy, gratitude, cold plunges, red saunas, and meditation and massages, right? That's one side. But same time, easy to say now that you've been a doctor and been on TV and you got a book and you're on these podcasts. I'm down here, man. I'm trying to get up.

41:26I'm trying to make something happen. And I do feel like there's nothing that frustrates me more than when a rich guy goes, it's not what you think it is. You're stealing their dreams. It's not everything you think it is, but it's awesome to be affluent and to be able to contribute to the causes you want and care for your family when they need you and get your kids a good education. and be safe in a safe neighborhood. So where's the nuance there? Because if you even look, Joy, how I learned to stop chasing perfection and embrace connection. So it's not that you stopped embracing achievement altogether.

41:58Make that distinction for us because that's important for everyone listening. Yeah. Well, first of all, practicing gratitude, being joyful, being kind to other people, all that is free. There is so much free stuff out there, like listening to your podcast, going to the a library and renting a book, that's all free. So whenever people say like, oh, I don't have the resources to change my mindset, I'm like, no, no, no. Like that's incorrect. It is nice to be able to have money, which I think just buys you convenience and safety and the ability to do a lot of things. But I'll tell you the times when I am most joyful these days isn't generally when I'm on a private jet being flown to something or having a three-star Michelin restaurant dinner, it's rolling on the floor with my kids and this new dog we got that's crazy, you know, and having jokes and watching their cheer and, you know, just like it's really the small moments in life.

42:58And I think that's what people need to realize. Everyone looks at everyone else on the internet and thinks like, oh, if I just had a Ferrari and a Rolex, then I'd be happy. It does not work that way. It does not. So I think that what you're chasing is a feeling of fulfillment and achievement, not necessarily the material objects that we think signifies those things. What do you want your twins to model from you? Because you know what? Most things with our kids is caught, not taught. Oh, for sure. You know, and what do you want them to catch from you? Maybe they were catching some stuff from you you didn't want for a while.

43:36I'm sure there's been a lot you wanted. But if there's one thing you say, Hey, mommy wrote this book. You know, if there's one thing I'd love you to catch for me and it's in the book as well, I'm just curious what it would be. I think it would be to work hard, be kind and truly try to make a difference in someone's life. You know, you don't have to like solve world hunger, but you know, like be a good person, try to be a bright light in someone's light as someone's life that you come across. Yeah. You did The Real Housewives of Dallas. What did you learn about you or even the world, the public, by being on that show?

44:16Because it is another side of the lens of life. It is different, right? I mean, I know from proximity of friends, like, what did you learn about yourself or even culture in general from being there? Be honest, like, even the bad. No, I mean, this is kind of crazy, but I have to thank Real Housewives because it kind of gave me a backbone. I was always conflict averse. Even if I was arguing with someone and I kind of knew that I was right, I would let them think that they were right just because I don't really want to get into it and I'd rather not. And it doesn't matter anyway. But being on Real Housewives, those women, some of them, pushed my buttons enough that like my voice came through.

45:04And before when people picked on me or said something, I always was like the let it go type. You know, whenever people honk or whatever, I'm like, let it go. It's not worth like getting your feathers ruffled over. You know what I mean? But because of the things that happened on the show, I was able to stand up for myself. And when I stood up for myself, I was like, oh my God, is this me? Like afterwards I would like go home and cry, you know? Yeah. But it was so weird the way it all happened. How about the response to you? Well. How did that affect you and what was it? Everyone has haters. You go from being a relatively unknown person to all of a sudden being in people's living rooms and people stopping you at the airport to take selfies.

45:49And it was just crazy. I would say generally, at least what I saw, there was like an 80-20 % split. Some people really hated me. They were like, how many times is this chick going to mention she's a doctor? Like, you're smart. We get it. And I was like, did I really say it that much? I mean, I just got home from work. I wasn't trying to like rub it in your face. Some people just, no matter what, like they hated me. They thought I was ugly. My voice was annoying. My fashion sense was terrible. I don't know. But a lot of people really resonated with me. A lot of people in the Asian community spoke out.

46:21They said, you know, it's really nice to see you, you know, being a doctor, but also having a personality, being able to let your hair down and not being the stereotype, like quiet, demure, Asian, subservient female. Like, it's nice to see you stand up to people and have a voice of your own. And I thought like, oh, my gosh, like people look up to me. That's crazy. One of the cool things about you is it didn't affect who you are. And notoriety and fame, especially sudden, can do that. And so can sudden criticism. So can a sudden failure that one of you is suffering in your life right now. And you better be careful.

47:00But this failure you're going through, this just or tragedy doesn't change who you are unless it's supposed to, unless there's a change that was needed. But just because someone hurts you deeply doesn't mean you can't find love. Just because a friend takes advantage of you doesn't mean there's not a great friend. Just because you failed in one business does not mean you can't succeed at another one. Don't let tragedy, failure, criticism adversely change you. And I want to make sure that everybody hears that because it's one of the things that you've done a tremendous. In fact, I think there's a newer, even more improved, evolved version of you since doing the show.

47:56in the app, online, and in stores.

48:06You know, my life, as I've gotten older and my faith has grown, a key word for me in my life has been surrender. What that means for me is like, my dad was in a 12-step program for like 35 years before he passed away. And in that program, they talk about noticing the things you can control. I'll paraphrase, but also knowing the things you can't control and the wisdom to know the difference between those two things and surrender the difference. The more I've let go of this idiotic notion that I can control other people, most circumstances in my life, and the more I've given it for me to God, and the more I just focus into the things I can't control, it's lifted huge burdens off of me in my life.

48:48and I sort of stay in my lane of what I can control, my thoughts, my actions, et cetera, et cetera. It's changed my life. It's actually changed my personality to a very large extent. I think it's extending my life as well. You said, instead of fighting to control every aspect of your life, try to relax and let some of those things go. Easier said than done. Just go on that point for a minute. Oh my gosh. There's this chapter is all about control and how I let go, but I used to control everything. I mean, I don't think it's any mistake that I went into anesthesia as a career. What gives you more control, you know, than, than putting someone to sleep, having their life in their hands.

49:33I decide how fast your heart beats. I decide what your blood pressure is, how many times you breathe per second. And I took that OR personality outside of the OR. And I was trying to control everything, including my spouse, my kids, my friends, my business. And like you said, there are so many elements of life that you absolutely cannot control. But when you try, when you have a fallacy that you can affect things and control them. It's exhausting. And slowly, I stopped trying to squeeze the spontaneity and fun out of everything by trying to control it. And like I said in the serenity prayer, some things you can't control and the other things you can't.

50:19You have to leave it to God or the Spirit or Allah. It's not in your power. Like Mel Robbins says, let them. You cannot control what other people think, do, or say. You can only control what you do and how you react. And after I relinquished control, I was like a much more pleasant person. I was like, oh, I like this version of me better. Like, I'm kind of chill. I'm going with the flow. Because before, I was just so rigid. I don't even know how to explain it. But, you know, I think I maybe ruined a lot of friendships or past relationships by being so structured and unable to go with the flow, just so rigid that anything would snap me.

51:01And now I'm much more malleable. I'm like, oh, whatever happens, it's fine. I mean, sometimes I still will freak out about things. But by and large, I don't know if it's, my mom tells me that this mellowing is a function of getting older. She's like, yeah, As you get older, you kind of figure out what's important and what's not and stop fretting about all this small, stupid stuff. And I was like, maybe. She's right. But people listening, let us save you some time. Let us just save you the 10 years. I cast most of my burdens over to God and I just try to control what I can. I don't do it all the time, but I do it way more of the time.

51:40I'm such a control freak. Even in fun times with my film, like we're having fun, right? You're not having enough fun. I wanted to control how much fun they were having. I'm that crazy. I still am, but I'm less. And life is not about massive quantum changes all the time. It's about improving. It's about progress. And that's the thing. Don't beat yourself up if you're listening to this. Just improve. Just grow. Progress is power. And that's what you should give yourself credit for. All right, last question about the book. Because I just want to have an overriding thing. By the way, it's called Joy Prescriptions, everybody.

52:18And it's Dr. Tiffany Moon. If you could write the book again, I've asked this a couple times on the show in 10 years, right? So now I'm going to take you out of the book for a second. I'm going to push you here. If you could write the book, because I know what it's like when you write a book, right when it's published, you're like, I should have added this. I should have said that. Is there something you now know post-writing the book or knew before but didn't put in the book that would help the quality of life that would be another joy prescription? or maybe even just worded differently than is in the book right now that you would say, my friend that's listening to this, if you could leave with one message about where I'm at at this stage in my life in my early 40s, this would be it and it's not quite what I put in the book.

52:59What would it be? That's a tough one. That is a tough one. I mean, I really feel like I spilled my heart and guts out in this book. And I was a little bit scared while writing the book because there's some things in there that I've never told anyone. Even my closest friends, when they read the book, they're going to be like, oh, my God, my brother read the book. And he was like, I didn't know you had a miscarriage. I was like, oh, it didn't come up. Like, I didn't think I should announce it, you know. I would just say, like, this is the thing. When I was young, I just kept thinking, like, if I become a doctor and I get married and I have kids, like, I'll achieve some great medal and the world will shine its light on me.

53:39And it doesn't work that way. Like, the light has to come from within. I spent the vast majority of my life, I'm 40 now, chasing external achievement and thinking that it would bring me joy only to find out that the joy has to come from within, which I know sounds cheesy, but it's not. It's not. Because if joy came from external achievements, I would have had it. And, you know, I had a closet full of nice, pretty things that I bought to soothe myself because I told myself I deserve it. You know, I was drinking a glass or two of wine every single night for years because it was the only way that I could get my brain to shut off and just relax for a minute.

54:24And I finally hit this point that was like, I cannot keep chasing this. Like, I don't, it's never going to be enough. And I said, enough is enough. I'm going to rest. I'm going to have deep connections with people. I'm going to get rid of the toxic relationships in my life. and I'm going to take a minute to like really figure out what brings me joy from the inside out. I love that. By the way, even as you describe it the other way, the way you were, and I see your face even being emotional about it. It's exhausting to be that other person. It's emotionally and physically and psychologically exhausting to always be chasing, to always be perfect, to always be on, to get to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing.

55:08And a lot of you listening to Tiffany today, you may say, well, I, I'm not any good at that either. She says something in the book about look how far you've come. It's one of her joy prescriptions. It's so good, you guys. And I just want to say this to all of you on her behalf, because it's in the book, look how far you've come. If you just became more intentional about that light from within, as opposed to extra, just made that an intention, just the end. Cause by the way, best thing you said on the entire podcast amongst a whole bunch of great things was that last thing. Just if you make it intentional, everybody, which she just said, just you just make that your intent.

55:41You'll be good at it. Eventually you'll suck at it at first, but if you stick with it, you're going to go, Oh my gosh, for no reason, it'll be four months from now for some random day, no reason whatsoever. I'm feeling joy and some peace. And you know, what's going to really shock you. Listen, cause I know, cause I've been on this journey. She's on, you'll even start to find joy and peace if you make it your intention during tough times, during tragic times. And that's when you're going to realize your own power. Someday, if you make this your intention, just like this extremely brilliant woman just told you, I am telling you that at some point, you're going to have that joy and that peace during difficult times as well.

56:22And that's what your life is worth. That's what you're capable of. And this book will help you do it. Dr. Tiffany Moon, seriously, I think you're awesome. I just hope what you do this for me. I hope you stay in this lane and I hope you continue in this journey and write another book with your next insights and your next thoughts. Like, don't make this a one-stop thing. I think you're cut out to be doing this and I should know because I've interviewed everybody who does it and I'm one of them. So I think, I think this is a lane you're supposed to be in. That means so much coming up from you. So much coming from you.

56:53Cause I've, you know, admired you. I've been listening to the podcast for years. Yeah. Well, that's dreams do come true. Folks, dreams do come true. Well, thank you so much for that. All right, guys, joy prescriptions. You're welcome. I told you today was going to be good. I gave it a big intro and it over delivered. Please share this with people you love and care about and make sure they listen to it on one time speed. All right, everybody. God bless you. This is the Ed Myland Show.