Neuroscience: Harnessing Your Mind's Power with Dr. Doty

28:15I'm dating starlets. I'm flying in private jets. And I was never more miserable than I had ever been in my life. Yet I had manifested everything that I thought I wanted. and so the problem is people get focused on things that aren't going to help them because they think that these types of things are what are going to create a life of happiness which is what everyone ultimately desires and so you have to understand though that once you change your narrative not because of what you think you want in that sense because it's not about you And unfortunately, society has created this narrative that you should chase what I want.

29:01I want to be famous. I mean, look at what we've done with our children. If you ask high school students, what is it you want to be? What are the four main things? And this encompasses over 75%. I want to be an influencer. I want to be a millionaire. I want to be a celebrity. I want to be a professional athlete. I mean, very different in the Western world compared to the answers you'll get from other countries that they're a great study between the contrast of those two. Yeah, exactly. Because it is a completely different narrative because we have a very aggressive structure that promotes that narrative of conspicuous consumption and how if you just get these things, you're going to be happy.

29:40So you have to change that because that activates the sense of I want actually activates your sympathetic nervous system. And in some ways it limits you. It's not to say you can't get what you want. But once you start changing your narrative to understand how we evolved as a species, which is to care not only for our offspring, because they require it, but when you care for others outside of your small circle, that activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which does several things. One, it stimulates your reward centers. Two, your physiology fundamentally works at its best, and in fact, your longevity is increased.

30:19But also when you look through the world through that lens, you understand the superficiality of many of these other things, and you understand also that when you care for others, it has a very positive effect on you both mentally and physically. And as the Dalai Lama says, if you want to make others be happy, be compassionate. If you want to be happy, be compassionate. So looking at that lens, and so But now to more concretely answer your first question, what are the techniques? The techniques are fundamentally, how do I gain access to my brain to make it work for me and not get lost in things that I don't need or are not helpful for me?

31:07Now, one of the things, and we've been talking about attention a little bit, is also understanding that how we walk in the world, how we analyze things, what we respond to has to do with input from our sensory organs, because that connects us to our external environment. Okay. So, we receive about 10 million bits of information from our sensory organs every second. Yet, we, on a conscious level, only respond or have access to about 50 to 100 bits of information. So 99.999 % actually are associated with maintaining homeostasis of our bodily functions. But the reason I mentioned the small percentage is this is information we can control on a conscious level, and then we can actually embed it into our unconscious to a process which I call value tagging.

32:13And in some ways, this is our ability, if you will, to place our intention in the filing cabinet of our subconscious, which then gives the unconscious, that bloodhound I mentioned earlier, the ability to look at that file, smell it, get the scent, and start running around trying to help you manifest. The techniques to do that, though, to get access to your mind is a training program, which is very much like a meditation or mindfulness practice, because you have to be in the right mental state. So you have to calm the mind. You have to relax the body. You have to look through the lens of compassion, if you will, because that's when your body, and I say your body, I mean in your mind and your body are functioning at their best.

33:10When that process occurs, all these cognitive brain networks, which we talked about a little bit earlier, function at their best. I want people to realize that when we talk about manifesting, this process is not 100 % guaranteed. It's not like, hey, listen to Jim Doty, now you're going to get 100 % I guarantee everything you want. What it does, though, is, one, it makes you understand what you've already been manifesting. Two, it gives you clarity of intention about what you should be manifesting. And this is through relaxing the body, taming the mind, focusing your attention, embedding that intention.

33:55and then that creates the greatest possibility for you to manifest your desires or create the life that you want now i'm sure you've talked about uh euda monic versus hedonic happiness we have not please talk about it what the hell ed uh i told you there's an iq discrepancy that's what you're doing here, my brother. I can't wait to hear this. I know a lot about this because of your work and other work I've done, but we've not talked about it on the show. So this is going to be interesting. Oh, really? Well, so if we look at oftentimes this term happiness, there's what we call hedonic happiness, which is hedonism, if you will.

34:42And this very much relates to what I want. And in fact, unfortunately, there was a movement in our society that's now spent a few decades where there was this narrative that if you were in a race, any kid who in the race gets an award, right? And not recognizing one, that creates a sense of entitlement, even though you didn't do any work to get there. And it negates the fact of life, which is there are winners and there are losers. You have to show up. You have to do work. Otherwise, you're not going to get what you want. And so this is a very, very important aspect. But when you focus on I want, the very nature of that I want results in stimulation of your sympathetic nervous system because it's out of fear.

35:36You have to have this to show others you're okay. You're chasing after external affirmation. Now, I've said this sometimes, and people will sit there and go, you mean it's wrong to have materialistic desires? And I say, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. And I'll explain that in a sec. The other side of this is what we call eudemonic happiness. This has to do with service and meaning. And if you compare the two, one gives you happiness which is transitory and shallow. The other, and this is when you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, your rest and digest mode, results in purpose and meaning because you're being of service to others.

36:21And that's when all your brain networks function at their best, thereby giving you the greatest possibility of manifesting your intention. But getting back to having things, my statement is not to sit there and say, one, it's horrible to have things. I will assure you, I live in a nice house. I drive a Porsche. I have a Mercedes. There's nothing wrong with that. The difference is where it is wrong is if you look at that, that is your identity. And if you lose it, you have all this fear and anxiety and insecurity versus how I look at it. I won, am very appreciative, have immense gratitude, thoroughly enjoy it.

37:09But if it's gone tomorrow, it has zero impact on who I am, who I see myself as, or my level of happiness. And so that's really the key difference. Can I ask a question about that? Can I ask a question about that? Yeah. So let's talk about the money thing for a second. Let's go right to there. Because there's a lot of people listening to this or watching this, right? They're like, well, wait a minute. Like you've said, I would like to make a lot of money. Does that mean that, I'll say it my way, then you correct me, okay, that the intention that you attach to the desire to accumulate that money has an awful lot to do with the probability of you ending up possessing it, meaning I want to have$10 million saved, let's just say.

37:50That's one of the things I want to manifest. But I want that$10 million so that I can show you my Ferrari, I can show you my house, you'll think great things about me. That's one person. So they've worked on manifesting their$10 million that way. Another person works on calming their body, getting into that state, and they want to acquire the$10 million so that they can be philanthropic with it, so that they can care for their family, that their children and grandchildren grow up in a safe place and a safe environment and get good educations. Are you suggesting that the intention attached to the desire you have has a lot to do, not only which way I understand the difference in the two levels of happiness, but also in the acquisition or the actual manifestation.

38:32Does the intention attached to it have something to do with our ability to then have our attention networks open to seeing the things we're supposed to see or hear? No, I think you did an excellent explanation. That's exactly right. And this is in some way, some of the examples I give, how you have to reframe what it is you want. If you sit there and say, as you gave that example, I need that$10 million so I can and have the big house and stand in front of it with my Ferrari parked there. Everybody looks at me. And this is what influencers do, right? They create this narrative to imply that their life is perfect.

39:09They have the filters on, they have all the makeup, they create these fake backgrounds or are in a place where they rent a place to look like it's their mansion. And everything is a lie. That's right. Yeah. I mean, you are living a lie. It is not who you are. And you have to pay the price for that because you can't have calmness about yourself because you know deep down you're a fraud. And when you chase these things and it's only about what I want, that's where the problems occur. Versus if you reframe it, and I give an example of a young lady named Anula in the book, she was an immigrant from Sri Lanka.

39:51Her parents very much wanted her to be a doctor, as did she, but her real driver was, I need to do that to make my parents happy. And she had this immense anxiety she created for herself, which actually resulted in her not performing well, and she didn't get into med school after three times. Now, the interesting thing about that is, based on my first book, where I talk about my own challenges getting into medical school because I had a 2.53 grade point average, while the average grade point average to get into medical school was 3.79, and I did not even have enough credits to graduate. And I had, as I'm sure you've experienced, quote, friends or family members saying, you're never going to get into medical school, right?

40:45Right. Now, fortunately, I don't listen to anybody fundamentally because I have a great belief in myself from what this woman Ruth taught me. I challenged that. And that could be another story. But I did get into medical school. Right. And but it was because it wasn't I'm doing this for somebody. It was a profound belief that by being a doctor, I could be of service, help people do the right thing. It wasn't, I'm going to be a doctor, I'm going to be a neurosurgeon so that I can make a lot of money and live in the big house and meet the attractive chicks. It was, I am here to be of service to help people.

41:28That's a completely different narrative, and it's a completely different narrative how your mind responds to have you manifesting. What's the green zone? So in some ways, it's what we're talking about. how do you create, if you will, the physiology that maximizes your ability to have you manifest? And that means when your cognitive brain networks and your peripheral physiology are functioning at their best. And as we were talking about earlier, being able to, and this is oftentimes through a meditation practice, and let me preface this by making the following statement. I'm sure you're probably familiar with the Blue Zones, as worked by Bob Buettner, or the work of the 85-year ongoing Harvard study.

42:20Robert Waldinger wrote a book called... I want to show. Yes, Longevity and Happiness, right? That's awesome. And the thing is, if you look at that as an example, you go back and look at the Blue Zones, these imitate the way we lived several hundred years ago. And how was that? You were born into a community, small community. You died in that community. You lived with a multi-generational family. Everyone in the community knew you. They knew the good part and the bad part, yet they still loved you unconditionally and worked to make you a better person. So you don't have the narrative going on in your head saying that you're not good enough, and you understand that you deserve love even though you're not perfect.

43:11In the modern world that we have created, you are under immense pressure to perform. You have to have a job. You have to live somewhere. You have to have food. And the sad thing is so many people are terrified of being judged by others. So this creates this constant activation of our sympathetic nervous system. So you have to be able to transition or move from activation of that to activation of your rest and digest system or your parasympathetic nervous system. And one of the best ways to do that is through a meditative practice. Now, when I say meditative practice, unfortunately, a lot of people go, I can't meditate.

43:55I've tried it. I can't sit like this. you don't have to do that to meditate. And in fact, sometimes for type A people, they get into their head where there has to be the right way to do it. All you have to have is a sense of calmness and a quiet space, be self-reflective, and then go through this exercise of how to relax the body. And you can do it through a breathing exercise, which then will automatically shift you over. And once you're in the rest and digest mode, you're not looking at the world through the lens of insecurity or I need, you're looking through the lens of human connection and oneness.

44:37And this is why this work by Bob Buechner in the Blue Zones or the work of Robert Waldinger and the Harvard Adult Development Study are critically important. Can we talk about, can we talk, okay, go ahead. I want to ask you about that. No, no, no. The breathing part of it, like what I got out of the book for the breathing part of it, and again, like, please correct me when I'm wrong, is that, I mean, it's not complicated. I've learned to meditate over the years, and I can't empty my mind and quiet it now, but I very much relate to the people who suggest, look, I'm just type A, I'm wound up, I'm getting going, I'm charged up.

45:11Like, just to sit there and empty my mind, I can do it for about two seconds, and then I'm toast. most what has worked for me in my life is uh breathing techniques and i like what i read in the book that seemed to me very simple is the big key in breathing at least that you suggest in the book and again talk about this just for a minute but is breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth a am i right about that b why does that matter how you do that but is that what you is that what you're meaning when you just said the breathing techniques to calm the body Yes, yes. No, that's exactly right.

45:44And that actually has an effect on your vagus nerve. And your vagus nerve rises in your brainstem and is distributed throughout all the organs in your body, especially your heart. It's a two-way street. And the very nature of that exercise, the diaphragmatic movement, actually shifts you into that mode. Now, there are some people, you don't have to sit with your legs crossed or your hands up like this, you can lay down. Actually, for many people, and it's creating an intention environment where you don't have all these distractions going on. So you're allocating time to be in a place where you can simply be with yourself.

46:30And for many people, simply walking in the forest, walking in nature, lying down in a relaxed environment where you don't feel any threat or demands on you. Those are the real key aspects of being able to activate or stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system. Can I say something about that? It's two things. One is, everybody, I want you to take note of that breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. As long as it takes, he suggests in the book, until you've sort of entered that calm state. The other thing that I just want to second, because it's frustrating to me, with a podcast where I had someone on, we were talking about building muscle.

47:08And we said, oh, you know, walking is an exercise. And it was out of context. We were talking about building muscle. I have to just tell you all that for me, when I get into this, you know, state where I am able to do my visualization, my program, it's almost always for me when I'm actually walking. it's one of the most beneficial things not only is it exercise clearly but it's also where i find myself in the most calm state i'm blessed that i can walk along the ocean or walk in a forest or what have you but for me as much as important as my breathing is it's the environment and one of the things you talk about in the book is being in the same place oftentimes the greatest space whether that be when you're on a walk or a particular room you're in where that space is actually a place that can put you in a particular state as well correct that could just be your living room with the TV off, but the same place repeatedly can also put you into that state, correct?

47:57Right, right. Because it's creating what, and again, in some ways we're talking about habit formation, which we can talk about in a bit. But when you do that, that when you walk into that space or take that walk in nature, whatever, you automatically then go into that state. Right. And that's, that's very, very important. And you don't want to do it where, you know, okay, I'm going to do this. I just had an argument with my wife. Now I'm going to go and try it because now you've got all the stuff going on in your head, nor can you do it if you're drunk or whatever. You need to have things in a situation where you're, again, creating the environment where you can create the place for you to connect with yourself.

48:41And that's hard for people. It's, I think, in this world, harder and harder because of our phones, because of the digital era because of how busy we all are, to your point. And so this idea of habit, maybe it's a general question, but I think if I don't ask it, I think people go, why didn't you ask them this? So habitually, you've used the word visualization, and I have my thing I do where I teach people my version of this in my book and with the people that I work with privately. But you know what I get asked an awful lot? How do I visualize? What does it mean? I think most people don't realize they're probably already doing it.

49:18But if someone was to ask you, they got a private coaching call with you. They said, okay, I want to visualize. What does it mean? And can you give me something simple to do that helps me understand? Do my eyes need to be closed? Am I seeing actual picture? Like what, what, what does this mean? Visualization? Well, I will tell you that there is a small percentage of people who cannot visualize and visualization is actually, and whether you close your eyes or not, the ability to create a picture in your head of what you want, and whether that's seeing yourself in a white coat, being to be a doctor, or whatever it is, and that's a key to it.

49:56And we talked about the woo-woo and the pseudoscience that's attached to manifestation, but like so many things, there is truth fundamentally in some of these things. You just need to separate out the woo-woo and the pseudoscience. So this is about creating habit, because, if you will, what wires together, and this is how we lay down neuropathways and how we strengthen them through repetition. And thus, we talked about the data we get in from all of our sensory organs, right? Well, in some ways, we want to strengthen that vision or that intention. Well, how do you do that? You use every one of your sensory organs, pretty much, to overlap each other repeatedly to lay down that intention into your subconscious to create these neural pathways.

50:57So what are they? You make your list. It could be one thing. It could be 10 things. You think about it. You write it down. You read it silently. You read it aloud. In your mind, you see yourself as that, let's say being a doctor. And what happens is usually when you start, you don't have a clear picture. It may be sort of this dull picture. You're looking through a window that is maybe foggy. But the more you repeat it, that window gets clearer and clearer until you actually see yourself as the doctor. You're wearing a white coat. You're in a hospital. And so you're strengthening those neuropathways, which then allows the activation of your subconscious and the salience mode network and the attention network now to focus on that goal or desire.

51:54Question about that. So first off, I love the multiple sources, write it down, see it, et cetera. I'm curious about the emotional part of it. I was able in my life to acquire wealth. And I can tell you that when I was young, I did want a Lamborghini or a big house. Me too. It's not all that uncommon and a great thing. And I'm a capitalist through and through. Having said that, a lot of times that wealth comes and goes. close the wealth that stuck for me is when my visualizations in my case and helped me understand whether this is just something in my case or there's some relevance to this became a bit more emotional in other words the emotional charge was higher meaning my intent shifted where my picture started to be me seeing myself wealthy enough that I could pay off my mom and dad's house and I remember being able to visualize my eyes are closed when I'm doing it now but I remember visualizing and seeing my dad being very my dad I actually played out where my dad wouldn't accept it at first.

52:50And then my dad finally thanking me and the pride that my dad had. In other words, I didn't just have it one way. I saw it from multiple different perspectives, but I found that in my own case, I feel like I really changed my brain when I attached emotion to it. Is there validity to that? Well, I think it's not so much, well, obviously you did attach emotion to it, but it's not just the emotion. You were doing it through the right lens. How can I care for others? How can I be of service? And when you do that correctly, there is nothing more profound than helping somebody. Now, in your case, it was your father.

53:29But imagine you're saying, you know, one of the reasons we talked about this earlier, you know, I want$10 million because, you know, I grew up in this place and there was a lot of poverty and poor children. And, you know, I want to create a homeless shelter where I feed, you know, people and I help children. Right. Well, what is better than that as a human being? And this is what people forget. Listen, I love driving a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, although I don't know how tall you are, but Lamborghinis are really tight for me. But I don't have that problem. I'm OK. I don't have one anymore. I don't I don't have the desire anymore to have something like that.

54:07But I know what you mean. Yeah. But my point is that you don't get that type of stuff from driving a Ferrari or having a Porsche or whatever. You enjoy it. It's wonderful. But that's not the it anymore, especially as you grow up and you realize that those things are just empty things. They can't give you that emotion, which all of us want. It's like having somebody who loves you. You know, when you connect with somebody, when somebody holds you, when you give love to somebody, that is deeply emotional. That's where we're meant to live. That's how we were designed as human beings. So when you do actions that allow for you to do that, you get this incredible feedback.

54:51And again, as I said, you know, the Dalai Lama says, if you want to help others and make them happy, be compassionate. If you want that, be compassionate. By the way, everybody, in the book, I just want you all to know this. and you have to get the book to get all this, but there's actually a six-step process in the book. So I can just tell you the steps are reclaim your power to focus your mind. Step two is clarify what you truly want. Step three is remove the obstacles in your mind. Step four is embed the intention in your subconscious. Step five is pursue your goal passionately. Step six is release expectations and open to magic.

55:27I wanted to ask you about step six because this is something that I really debated in my own mind and with people that I coach for a very long time. And that's this notion of being very goal-oriented, yet releasing from outcome, releasing from expectations. It's one of the most nuanced areas of manifestation, of producing the life you want. That's even debated in my own mind, in my own work sometimes, right? So there's this idea, we better have goals. We've got to write them down. We've got to visualize them. We've got to see them. yet there's an unbelievable power in surrendering from the expectation or the outcome at the same time.

56:06Can you discuss that? Because I think this is one of the most interesting parts of manifesting. Because sometimes I think the goal and the expectation creates the pressure and the anxiety and the fear of what are people going to think about me if I miss it, and then someone never ends up achieving it because they're so goal-obsessed. Does that make sense? No, no. Look, your insights are right on. I mean, this is the problem, is that there's nothing wrong with having goals. The reality, though, is none of us in our lives are able to achieve all of those goals, and we're going to fail. Now, I try never to use that word.

56:43I simply look at it as, that was an interesting experience. Right. Yes, and I learned something. But here's the problem. There's the one group, or a person, which you sort of mentioned, which is absolute, complete, 100 % focus, to the exclusion of everything else. Then you get to the top of the mountain, and you're by yourself. And so you have external affirmation from people saying how great you are, but as we talked about earlier, that and five bucks will get you a cup of coffee, right? You're there alone. And then what you sacrifice to get there in terms of the carnage many people leave behind.

57:28It could be divorces. It could be not having relationships with your children. It could be separating from people you've grown up with or loved you. What type of a goal or what have you really accomplished there? And frankly, you've accomplished nothing. The other side of it, though, and we're talking about some of the nuance here, if we look at the two extremes of our lives, all of our lives, and one is being able to accomplish these goals. Nothing is better to have accomplished a goal. You feel, you know, I worked hard. I deserve this. You know, I sacrificed. Not everything, but you sacrificed.

58:12You know, you had to get up at 6 in the morning. You had to go do this. You had to do that. But, you know, you had to do this. That is a great feeling, but the challenge is that it is transitory. And if you chase these feelings all the time, you have attachment to these goals, then that's going to ultimately lead to unhappiness because you can't be in that state all the time. Conversely, what are the things that people avoid? They avoid pain and suffering. Well, the reality is you cannot avoid pain and suffering, but like the other aspect of it, that's transitory. But what people forget is, do you learn the greatest lessons in life about who you are, what is within you, the strengths that you have from being over here?

58:59You learn them from the other side when you are suffering, when you have to overcome something, when you sort of get perspective about who you are and what it is within you that allows you to achieve. So there's this aspect, though, that I would say is this idea of evenness of temperament, where you appreciate these other great things that can happen to you. You're not attached to them. You enjoy them while they're there. But if they don't happen, you don't beat yourself up. You did the best you could. Conversely, when there's something that's not so wonderful happening, You also, though, realize it's transitory, and that with time, what we thought was the most horrible thing that we ever went through, we now reflect on it after a period of time is happening and go, you know, I'm really glad that happened.

59:51I learned so much about myself. right and so having what we call equanimity or this evenness of temperament is a critical aspect because what we're trying to do here is one emotionally regulate too which is critical and this you know we're talking about the power of your mind how you respond to things is your choice. There is not somebody out in the universe who decides how you respond. The stoic, Epictetus, who was a slave, he basically said, I cannot control my external circumstance. I can only control how I react to them. The other aspect is a narrative or a quote that is attributed to Viktor Frankl.

1:00:42Have you read Viktor Frankl's work? Yeah, Man's Search for Meaning. And the reason I say attributed to, there's a quote about between stimulus and response, there is a pause, and within that pause lies your freedom. It turns out that Wayne Dyer actually gave that quote, and he attributed it to Frankl, but no one has ever been able to find that in the writings of Franco. But regardless, the point of that, though, is that that's true. And so we have to take a pause and then we actively make a choice how we respond. As an example, I'm sure you've been cut off in traffic by somebody, right? Now, I'm sure women never do this, but what a man does is usually they use a hand gesture and maybe use a one or two word expletive.

1:01:32and because you've been activated, right? Your sympathetic nervous system has been activated. You're angry. You're responding to that moment. But if I said to you, instead of thinking that this guy's a jerk and is selfish and just trying to screw you, if I said to you, the person driving the car, sitting next to his wife, who's eight months pregnant, her water's broken, she's bleeding. He's tried to get her to the hospital. how do you change? What are you thinking now? You're going, oh my God, geez, what a jerk I was to do this. This person's trying to get his wife to the hospital. I would do the exact same thing.

1:02:11Yet here we did. In one microsecond between you and I, we changed how we looked at the world. Brother, I love your work. I have to tell you that I'm a big believer, and you prove this stuff scientifically, that when you attach a different meaning to an event, you create a different emotion, you have a different life. And so oftentimes everybody, one of the things that he's saying to you here, right, is, is listen, sometimes you have to go, what would I need to believe about this so that it served me when an event like that takes place? The other thing I have to tell you, brother, I've heard two people use the word equanimity ever on my show.

1:02:43And it's you and I have a whole chapter of my book with the title of equanimity. And, um, I have to just acknowledge, you know, how much I really love your work. I, um, I'll ask you the last question just cause we've run out of time, by the way, I'd love to have you back on. Let's do it. I truly would. These are the kind of conversations that I really enjoy having to share with to my audience. And so the last question is kind of a two-parter. Number one, someone's listening to this and they're going, this is great. I need to go to work on this. I'm going to create new neural pathways. Currently though, I have a bunch of thoughts that don't serve me.

1:03:16I want you to just discuss your overall viewpoint of what thoughts are in our heads. And then if you could back up with, okay, So this is what thoughts are really going on in your mind. What a thought is. And then lastly, in addition to that, a practice we haven't covered yet to help somebody begin that transition of changing. Just something other than the relaxing of the body, the visualization stuff. Just some other tool you pull out of this vast kit you share in the book that could serve somebody that they could take with them today before we leave. Well, people believe that the thoughts they have going on in their head are independent, have just come to them, and that they're purpose-driven.

1:04:01And the reality is that, as I was saying earlier, all of us carry baggage from our childhoods. And that baggage oftentimes gives us a narrative in how we respond in the world. As an example, and this may seem somewhat obtuse, but let's say you're on a diet. Well, if you drive by In-N-Out Burger or someplace like this, and you said, I'm on this diet, I'm not going to do any of this stuff, and you have eaten In-N-Out Burger and you absolutely love it, you drive by the restaurant, you smell it, you suddenly turn in and you're going, what the fuck just happened? I just had this in an Outburger. I've been on a diet, right?

1:04:49And this is like thoughts in some ways. You think they come from you and they have some relevance. Oftentimes, they have nothing to do with you. As an example, if you have a negative interaction with somebody and then you go meet your wife, the conversation oftentimes you're having with your wife has nothing to do with your wife. It has to do with the fact that you were irritated by this other conversation, and similarly to being distracted by the smell of this burger. But my point is that you have to be able to understand that, one, we are reactive, two, we have this negativity bias. And I think one way to change your thoughts is to be self-compassionate.

1:05:34And what I mean by this is to give yourself positive affirmations so that you're decreasing the sound of this negative dialogue and diminishing how often these things affect you. And you have to understand, and this is a challenge for a lot of people, all of us carry shame or have a shadow where there are parts of us we're embarrassed about, things we've done, things we hope no one ever finds out about us, and we're terrified of that. And then we try to create all these narratives to cover that. The most important thing we have as a human being is to be authentic, care for others, and open your heart.

1:06:19And what I mean by that is so many of us fear that we're going to be judged by somebody else. But have you ever heard of this concept called kintsugi, K-I-N-T-S-U-G-I? I have not. So kintsugi is from Japan, and it was something that was developed in the 15th and 16th century. So pottery used to be very expensive, and if it broke, people, and usually royalty had it, or wealthy people, it would be repaired to hide the fact that it was broken. But later, that broken pottery was repaired with a golden glue. And the metaphor of this is you're no longer hiding the cracks that each of us have, the failings, but you're arteryed them.

1:07:17You see, all of us have had these types of struggles. All of us have made mistakes. All of us have been broken. We've had to come back together. But there's nothing to hide about your brokenness, right? You sit there, and you hold it, and you acknowledge it, and you accept it, and you're not afraid. You're not trying to hide it. And this comes together with another Japanese aesthetic, which is this idea of what is called wabi-sabi, W-A-B-I-S-A-B-I. And this is understanding the nature of our existence. It is imperfect, impermanent, and always incomplete. So you have to be able to, one, accept yourself as you are and realize that even with all the things that may have happened or all these negative things that you believe about yourself.

1:08:12They're simply thoughts that you have created. And regardless, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be cared. You deserve to be hugged. You are perfectly imperfect, and it's okay. What a remarkable conversation today. I'm so grateful. I didn't think I'd have a neurosurgeon, a neuroscientist come on my show and finish with talking about that you deserved to be hugged, but I'm really grateful that he did. You're a wonderful man. You're brilliant, but I really believe your big heart and your kindness and your generosity exceeds even the big brain that you've got. And I enjoyed today so much. Thank you, Dr.

1:08:56Doty, very, very much for today. Well, Ed, I hope we have a chance to speak again. Actually, I would love to not just chat here, but actually to get to know you a little better if you have any time at some point. I would love that. I'm going to have them give you my contact number, but I was thinking I'd like to do the next one in person. We'll have a cigar here in the saloon and chop it up in person next time. I would love that. Okay, my friend. Okay, everybody, make sure you go get Mind Magic, Dr. Doty's book right now, The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How It Changes Everything. I think you got a sense today that it's worthy of your time, and hopefully you'll share today's podcast, everybody.

1:09:33God bless. Max out. This is the Ed Myland Show. We'll be right back.