Reprogram Your Mind to Create Your Desired future! Feat. Dave Meltzer

23:38That's the difference. It's these small things. It's doing it consistently. And it's this belief system, listen to me, that you're going to become relentless and obsessed with what you're doing. You know what the great ones do? They do the needle-moving things, the things that move the needle. They don't just do the routine every day. They do something in their life as a parent, as an entrepreneur, as a leader that moves the needle, stuff that can make quantum leaps, the hard stuff, the difficult stuff. I teach in my scheduling that I don't do first things first every day. I do feared things first, feared things first, get the thing you're most afraid of out of the way.

24:19You know, you do something consistently, you build the habit of doing the feared things first in your day. If early in your day, if you've got a call you don't want to make, do that call first. If you've got a meeting you don't want, schedule it first. I try to schedule all my difficult meetings on Mondays early in the day too, because I want to create momentum. If I can do that one, I don't want to do. If I can make that call, I don't want to make the rest of my day is like downhill. It's like momentum going down the hill as opposed to if you've got that hard meeting or that one call or that contact you need to make, and you just haven't made it all day and you make the other ones, you know you're climbing uphill all day until you've got to do that one.

24:58But if you just knock the feared things first off, then it's like cruising downhill all day. It's much easier when you create momentum. These are the things. It's the pace. It's the rhythm. It's the consistency. It's the availability. It's the game of inches that separate people. It's doing the things every day that the average do some days. It's doing it on the days you don't feel like it compared to those who just do it when they're pumped up and excited and they've heard the right podcast or they got the right Instagram message today. These are the separators. And what it comes down to, truthfully, is this belief system.

25:34And here's what I've always said, and I mean this, I think you've got to evaluate this, truly. If you believe you're far away from something, you will pace yourself that way. I've always heard people say, well, business is a marathon. Life's a marathon. life is really long life can be short if it's miserable i can tell you that life can be short if it's not going very well and although it's a marathon the great ones sprint the whole race that's not that they don't rest i don't know you know what i mean what i'm saying is there's a pace if you think something's far away you act like it see most people don't lack vision they have a vision if you asked them hey do you want to be rich or poor the average person would probably say rich.

26:19Do you want to make a big difference in the world or make none? I'd like to make a difference. You want to contribute or not contribute? I want to contribute. Do you want to laugh or cry more? I want to laugh more. I want to be happy or sad. I want to be happy. You want to go see things and create memories in your life or basically do the same thing over and over again? Most people say, I want memories in my life. So it's not that you don't have a vision. it's that you have a depth perception problem. You have a pacing problem. See, you think your dreams, those feelings, those memories, that change, that body, that relationship, that amount of money is really far away.

26:57And because you believe it's that far away, you've created patterns, belief systems, thought processes in your life that perpetually keep it that far away. You are jogging in the marathon of life where the winners are running 15 to 20 % faster than you. They're up 15 minutes before you. They're making 15 to 20 % more contacts. They're doing every day what you do some days because they believe that they're one decision, one meeting, one new contact, one new relationship, one new thought. Maybe one podcast away from completely changing their life. I'm not suggesting to you that it's going to be easy and that it's going to happen like that.

27:41What I am suggesting to you is that if you think it's really far away and you pace yourself and you do things occasionally, it'll always stay that far away. It'll always be there. It'll always be a mystery. And here's the truth. You and I both know it. There's no mystery to what makes a great mom or a great dad. You know exactly what it is. There's no mystery of what makes a great athlete. you know exactly what that looks like. There's no mystery would make a great entrepreneur. There's no mystery that would make you happier. There's no mystery. The mystery is you. The mystery is, are you willing to do the things every day to be relentless, to be obsessed, to get out of balance?

28:23This notion of balance is a fallacy. If you're going to do anything great in your life, some things are going to be popping at a given time when others aren't. But what if this entire notion that your life is a finite kind of pie, that if you take a big slice out of the business pie, your family is going to suffer? If you really focus on your family, then you're going to suffer in your fitness. What if the truth is that you're an expanding being that vibrates at a very high frequency and that when you magnify one area of your life, if you do it correctly, it'll magnify and expand the others, not take from it?

29:00See all these questions about what it takes to win or am I going to be out of balance are from a completely flawed belief system Two beliefs one is that it's further away than it really is and two is that if i'm killing it in one area of my life Another area has to suffer What if that's one of the great lies of life? What if one of the great lies of life is that your dreams are for other people? That it's for people not like you that they're doing extraordinary things that you're incapable of doing as opposed to the truth is they're just doing things every day that you only do occasionally. They have availability all the time.

29:35What if the truth is that the great lie is that it's far away and the truth is that it's one decision, one new thought, one meaning, one connection away? What if that's the great lie of life? What if the great lie of life is that this is for other people and not you? Because I can tell you that that's a lie. The truth is that it's very close. And the truth is, is that it's these small decisions that alter our lives. I can tell you straight up, you're a lot closer than you think you are. And what if the third great lie is that, oh, if I'm really expanding one area of my life, another area has to suffer, that I'll become out of balance.

30:13I don't even know what balance means, but what I've found in my life, and here's the truth, that's a lie. It's a flawed belief system that's been mind-virused throughout our culture and our society for years where we have these concepts of balance. Let me tell you what I found, that when I am killing it in the gym and I'm a business athlete and I'm strong and I'm spending time in there training my body, that I'm a better businessman. That's what I found, that my gym life, my fitness life expands my business life. You know what I've also found? That when I'm killing it at work and I'm giving it everything I've got, that when I come home, I'm a better dad.

30:49I'm a better friend. I've got more insights, more energy to give to other people. When i'm suffering at work I usually suffer at home when i'm suffering in the gym. I'm suffering at work So when one area expands it magnifies the other areas of life The reason that we believe it takes from one another and we feed that belief system is we've been programmed into our minds To believe it i'm not saying that you not need to be careful that you don't need to be careful About your allocation of time and making sure everybody gets something but I can tell you straight up The fitter I've gotten and the harder I've worked out in the gym and the more time I've put in there The better businessman that i've been the better businessman i've been when i'm making a difference in my work And i'm growing and expanding the more I bring to my family and friends The more value I have the more insights I have the more love I have the bigger and better version of me I have to share with my family You remember this if you're doing a great job as a mother or a father You're going to bring that love and that comfort and that security and that faith into your work life, and it's going to expand your work life, not take from it.

31:55And when you're crushing it at work, you're going to be a better mom and a better dad and a better friend because you're a better you and you're more proud of you and you respect you more. And because when you come from that place, you've got more to give other people. And when you're nailing it in your fitness and you're crushing it and you're fitter and stronger, those aren't hours you're taking from other places. Those are investments you're making in your strength and your vitality and your mental well-being so that you are better at work and that you are better in your family One of those areas expands the others as long as you believe it does those are the three lies of life And today I cleared it up for you.

32:35I told you the truth. And so although there are no secrets to winning There are lies There are flawed belief systems that take from winning And what I have found is that if you do the things that I've described today, you put yourself in a position to win where the probability of you winning is increased. There's no guarantees in life. There's no promises. What we're trying to do is increase the probability and the possibility of our winning. And what starts to happen is you become an impossibility thinker into a possibility achiever. All your life, you've had this secret notion about you. Deep in your heart, you were known, you were born to do something great with your life.

33:17When you were a little boy or a little girl, you just knew it. Maybe even had a family member who made you feel that way. They saw the special in you, didn't they? I'm here to just remind you today. They were right. You were right. You were born to do something great with your life. And I mean, yes, you, sister. Yes, you, my brother. Maybe no one's told you in a while. Maybe no one's reminded you in a while. But I want you to know God made you to do something great. He made you in his image and likeness with a big plan. And you're going to make a difference in people's lives in what seem to be small ways that end up being huge ways down the line in their life.

33:58And some of the things when you're doing it's going to feel really big when you're doing it. But remember what I said earlier. When you're making history in your life, most of the time it doesn't feel like it. Because you're in the midst of the work. You're in the midst of the fog. You're on that lonely road to success that I've described in other podcasts. If you've not heard those shows, listen to them. It seems lonely. It seems dark. It doesn't seem like you're getting there. But meanwhile, you're making deposits in the bank account of success every single day. The truth is, the people that win, that become the goats, that are the great ones, they've just made more deposits in the success account than those that haven't.

34:35And they make those deposits because they do needle-moving things. They get up a little bit earlier. They do it more consistently. They believe they're closer than they are. They know that when they're crushing it in one area, they're expanding in others. They know it's a game of inches. They know it's almost too scary to talk about. But the thing they really know is that they were born to do it, that they were born to do something great with their life. So I'm here to remind you, it's closer than you think. You're closer than you think. There are no secrets, but there are secrets. There are lies.

35:05There are flawed belief systems. And hopefully today we've rid you of a few of them. I really believe in you. And I don't believe in you because I've met you, because millions of you I haven't met. I believe in you because I believe in God. I believe that he doesn't make any mistakes. And even if you don't believe in God, that's okay. I got enough belief for both of us. and I know that you were born to do something awesome, that you're not here by mistake. I know there's a purpose to you in your life, and I know the more that you do these things I've described, that purpose will be revealed to you even if it's not clear to you now.

35:41Over time, it'll be revealed. Over time, those deposits you're making, millions of other people in your life, and maybe just a few of them, will be the benefactors of making the withdrawals because you did all of the work. The people that you love will thank you someday. for doing all of the work you've done. Just right now, they can't see it. Right now, maybe they don't even believe it for you. But I believe it, and I know you're going to do something great. I hope today helped you. I hope every week when we come back on these solo episodes, I picked up another thing. I'm more inspired. I learned something.

36:15This is something I'm going to shift. I know for me it was valuable today. I feel like I was talking to me. I feel like I was talking to me. We're all in this together. We're all brothers and sisters. None of us are better than anybody else. You know, the world is going to try to convince you that we're all separated, that we're all at each other's throats right now. We're all in this together. And although we may have different opinions and belief systems about different things, we're brothers and sisters nonetheless. And we're put here and born to make each other's lives better. And that includes you.

36:48You are uniquely qualified to change other people's lives. You're the only person on earth right now with your experiences, your personality, your background, your heart, your mind, all combined into one human being. Man, that's pretty special. Man, you're special. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So, you know, I get asked a lot, what are some of the common practices or behaviors of the successful people that have been on your show? I got to tell you, most of them have been to therapy. And they've told me therapy's made a big difference in their life. It's made a big difference in my life.

37:21And so whether you've got like a real traumatic thing you want to work through in your life that you've not resolved yet, or maybe just got an emotion you'd like to get rid of or improve, maybe it's none of that. Maybe you just got kind of something you want to talk through, a problem you want to work through. If you've been considering doing therapy, I think you should take a look at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is done entirely online. And what I love about it is they match you with a licensed therapist. If you don't click with the therapist, you can switch at any given time to a therapist that meets your needs that you kind of click and vibe with.

37:48Take a moment and visit BetterHelp.com right now to get 10 % off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Ed Show. Would that be your first recommendation? Because as we wrap things up here a little bit, would you recommend they just begin to regulate their breathing, start with meditating? What would your first recommendation be? I'm listening to this. You go, I want to change. I still want to change matter in my life. I want to create the body. I want to create the wealth. Nothing wrong with that. There isn't anything wrong with that. I want to experience the emotions in my life that I've touched on them before, but I want to have them on a regular basis.

38:23I know they're right here within me at any time. What would your basic recommendation be to begin? Yeah, I think the first thing is to learn. Every time you learn, you make new connections in your brain, and learning is making those connections. I was joking with my staff this week. I said, nobody reads anymore. Nobody reads. Nobody reads anything. Learn information. Why? Why? Because we found out that in our events, if you can be present and not look at your cell phone or not talk about your past, but be present with the content, and I can combine quantum physics with neuroscience, with neuroendocrinology, with psychoneuroimmunology, mind-body connection, epigenetics, electromagnetism, you can really get it.

39:07Like you can give me the nod. And then I say, okay, I look at an audience of 1 ,500, 1 ,600 people. Okay, well, turn to the person next to you and teach it back to them. If you can't explain that, it's not wired in your brain and you'll doubt that it's possible and you'll do something differently. Okay, if you can explain it, then you're causing your brain to fire and new sequences and new patterns and new combinations. Whenever you make your brain work differently, you're changing your mind. Why? Because mind is the brain in action. So you keep reminding yourself of this. Now, it's easier to forget this than remember it.

39:38You know, it takes practice. You can't get it in one bite. It's a learning process, right? So now you're installing the neurological hardware in your brain in preparation for the experience. So knowledge is the precursor to the experience, right? Without the knowledge and the information, it's conjecturous, right? So the more you understand the what in the terms of what you're doing and the why you're doing it, the application, the practical aspect, the how becomes exciting. Like, oh, I'm going to get it. As an example, you can take someone and throw them in an ice bath. We have no knowledge of what that can do.

40:10And because they have no knowledge, the ice bath is actually going to cost them harm. Right. Right? You take that person, you can teach them a few things and put them in an ice bath and it'll actually be instrumental. It'll actually gain value from it. Well, the prefrontal cortex, the one that said, now you got to make this valuable. You can take a person and you can put them in an environment and they can perceive the environment as a problem and you can measure their autonomic response and it'll weaken their autonomic response. You can take that person and have them perceive it as a challenge and it'll actually strengthen their autonomic response.

40:47Okay, so now what's the reason behind this? Well, you got to put as much tension on your inner world of how you're thinking and how you're feeling and how you're going to behave as much as your outer world of three-dimensional reality. And meditation is just a way to say, okay, let me get my brain and body right. I'm going to present Ed Milet to the world today. I got one lifetime, one Groundhog Day, one day. I just want something different, something unusual, something mystical, some sign from the universe that I created. and I want it to come in a way that I would never think of. That would be the unknown because if I can predict it, it's the known.

41:23Okay, before I get up and grab my phone and do all my things and get plugged back into my known world, let me just say, okay, who do I no longer want to be? I want to become so conscious that I won't go unconscious again. The fundamental question is how many times am I going to forget until I stop forgetting and start remembering? That is the moment. There's nothing mystical about this. this is the work and then you're gonna say okay who do i want to be when i open my eyes okay let me think about this how would greatness live i don't know read a book on greatness read a book on nelson mandela you want to be wealthy read about wealthy people and you're going to see that they didn't just make their wealth they lost a ton of money and failed a million times it was and that's reality okay well let's what what were the qualities they were they they had perseverance They had determination.

42:13They cut their losses. They forgave. They forgot about it. They went on. Okay. So how am I going to behave? Let me rehearse how I'm going to behave. What am I going to do? Let me take my time. I have plenty of time to do this. Let me just behave. Let me think about how I'm going to behave differently in this situation. How am I going to change my emotional response? When did I fall from grace yesterday and went back to my old self? Let me just, I'll set an alarm on my phone every three hours. I'm just going to go off and I'm going to take a moment and get back into the feelings of my future. Okay, if I can do that over and over again, well, what do you think could happen in my life as a result of it?

42:49So knowledge being the forerunner, the application, simple stuff, simple stuff. Practice heart coherence. There's plenty of stuff that we can talk about. Practice brain coherence. We know, we know. I asked the brain scientists, what percentage of people at the end of a week-long event, what percentage of people will have their brains changed for the better? They said 100%. 100%. One week. Fully immersed into the experience. You practice it every day. Now, you can't do it once or twice and say, why isn't my bank account full? You know what I'm going to tell you? You're not that good. That's the only reason why.

43:24If you were that good, it would happen. You're not that good. So show up again and show up again and keep showing up. and I just was talking to a staff member today. The universe only gives us what we think we're worthy of receiving. That's right. Right? So then people who show up for themselves every day. Believe they're worthy. They start feeling pretty damn worthy. They're like, I'm worthy for this. Not like an entitlement way. They're just like, I feel like it's going to happen. I'm worthy for it. There's this intuitive knowledge about reciprocity. If I put something in, that I should be getting something out.

43:58If I do it repeatedly. totally agree with you. If you're feeling helpless, one of the antidotes to feeling helpless is to get more helpful. And one of the ways you can be most helpful is to raise your own identity. Our identity is the core part of our lives. We're not going to outperform our identity. Our identity best set is it's the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs we hold to be the most true about ourselves. It's really the invisible force in all of our lives that holds us back or can accelerate our success, our bliss, our achievements to whole new levels. If you look at identity, if you think about it, it's almost like it's a life thermostat.

44:32See, in this room right now, there's a thermostat sitting on that wall right now. And if it's set at 75 degrees, this room is going to be regulated to 75 degrees. No matter what the external conditions are, it could be 100 degrees outside. The external factors do not impact the internal thermostat in this room. It's 75 degrees. Consequently, also, if it was 40 degrees outside, the heater will come on. It'll heat this room to 75 degrees. That's how your identity works. It's the internal thermostat of your life And that's why very often let's say that you know relationships or financially you're a 75 degree And if you ever notice in your life as you start to heat life up a little bit starts to go pretty well maybe your relationship's blissful and loving and incredible or Financially you've increased your results.

45:14You're at 80 85 90 100 degrees of success financially or in business And then it just seems coincidental, but somehow some way the air conditioner kicks on in our lives. You know, a car breaks down, an event happens, we lose an account, something takes place. And all of a sudden we look up and boom, life's back at 75 degrees of relationship, of money, of business. That wasn't by coincidence. It is the regulator of your life is your identity. And so if you, you can do all the right things, all the activities, all of the thinking, all of the execution part. But if you don't increase what you believe you're worth, if you don't increase that identity, that thermostat of your life, you will find a way to cool your life back down to what you believe you deserve.

45:55And so one of the keys for me in my life is not just getting better at the mindset of life and the execution of business or strategy, but raising that identity so that I'm at 85, 90, 100, 120 degrees so that I believe I'm worthy as my execution and my thinking reaches the same level, that thermostat setting, that life setting will change. It's not the external conditions of our life that dictate the terms. It's that identity. It's that thermostat setting. So we got to get more helpful if we feel helpless. And the way we do that is by increasing our own identity, that thermostat setting. That sounds great, doesn't it?

46:30So how do you do that? Well, I call it the holy trilogy of shifting one's identity. And that is faith, intention, and association. That's the three things you must work on in order to increase your thermostat setting. Number one, faith. For me, it's the center part of my life is that I have a God who loves me, that believes in me, that wants to see me successful, wants to see me prosper, wants to have favor in my life, wants me to feel comfort and peace. And so I find oftentimes it's interesting people of faith sometimes God's in their life Sunday at church when they're worshiping or they're in Bible study or when they're eating a meal, they'll pray over it.

47:05But somehow when they walk into a business meeting, a speech, a boardroom, a client environment, they leave God at the door and they think they're on their own. So for me, if you're a person of faith and God is with you all the time and he loves you all the time and he comforts you all the time, that includes business. That includes every area of your life. It includes him wanting to bless you with a great relationship, bless you financially, bless you to the best of your abilities in business. And then whatever the other, if you're an athlete watching this, bless you in that at bat over that pot, catching that football, hitting that shot.

47:35And so number one source of shifting your thermostat setting is reconnecting again with your faith and allowing yourself to feel it inside all the other environments that exist. Then there's number two, there's your intentions. See, I don't think enough people give themselves credit for having great intention. There's a power to intention in our lives. And so what most of us think is I'll feel better about myself or I'll be more confident when, when I get that job, when I get that relationship, when I get this amount of money, when I get that house, when I hit that home run, when I'm hitting a certain average, right?

48:08And so you're always chasing your tail. If your identity and your confidence is contingent upon producing a result that has not yet existed, it's pretty difficult to catch it, isn't it? If you have to have it to get it in the first place, instead of saying, maybe I ought to get credit and I ought to be worthy of more because I intend to do well. As a young man in business, I started to figure out, you know, I, I may not have all the answers. I may not be the smartest, the best looking, the most articulate, my IQ isn't 250, but I intend to serve. I intend to make a difference. I make mistakes, but overall i'm a good person who wants to do good in the world and I should be favored because of that Not enough of you are giving yourself credit for your intentions You want to shift your identity overnight connect with your faith You want to double shift it connect with your intentions So when I go into a business meeting or I go into a lunch or i'm going into any type of encounter Even in my golf life when my sport I play I remind myself that i've got a god who loves me Who wants me to win and wants me to be blessed who wants me to be favored It wants me to feel peace.

49:09Number two, I intend to do good. I'm a decent human being. And you know what? Good things ought to happen to good people. And then third is association. You are who you hang around. See, if you're a 85 degree or a 75 degree or financially, but you start hanging around someone say like myself, who lives at 140, 150 degrees of finances and wealth and abundance, you will get heated up by proximity to somewhere in between the two of us and a lot closer to where I am than where you are. Same thing in relationships. If you want to have a great loving relationship in your life, but you're living at 75 degrees in your relationships, you start hanging around people who are in loving, beautiful relationships.

49:45Your thermostat setting will increase. Same within your faith life. If you want to start walking with more faith in your 75 degrees of faith, if you start hanging around people who walk their faith life at 100, 150 degrees, you'll be heated up through proximity. And so these are the three things we do in order to shift our lives. Our identity is the governor on our life. It is the most powerful force in the world. It's the invisible force that governs everything is that thermostat setting. And then if that's true, the way we shift it is always going to be our faith, our intentions, and our associations.

50:16And those associations are so huge. I know you've all heard you're, you know, you're the product of who you hang around the most often, but look at the last 90 days of your life. Okay. And ask yourself this question, other than say your spouse or children, who are the two or three, four people you've spent the most time with. Picture their faces in their lives right now. And then I want you to measure one thing. What's their emotional maturity like? See, what I find with all successful people is they have a degree of emotional maturity that other people are absent of. So I always measure what's their emotional maturity?

50:46How do they handle success? How do they handle failure? How do they handle their lives? Then ask yourself this, these three or four people you've been around, can you immediately name two or three things that they have in their life in an area that matters to you? Let's say it's money. Let's just say it was money that they have that you don't have that you wish you did have or in relationships. Can you name two or three things in their relationships that they have that you wish you had or in business or in their physical body? And if you can't immediately go, yeah, they got two, three, four things, man, I would love to have that in my life.

51:19Then I'm not so sure that that's the person you ought to spend the most time with. The reverse question is also, hey, can you name two or three things they have that you definitely don't want. When you look at their financial life, if finances are important to you, do they have two or three things going on in their life financially you definitely want no part of? Or in their relationship life, you know, if you want a better relationship, if you look at their relationship, there are two or three things like I wouldn't want that relationship. I don't like the way he or she treats them or they get treated.

51:43You can look at that or their physical body. You want to be in really great shape. You look at them. Do they have two or three things about their health or wellness that you don't think are really great? Well, that's an immediate sign. Maybe they're the wrong people. And so taking an evaluation of who your associations are, are they emotionally mature? Do they have the two or three things you would like to have in your life they have in theirs that you'd like to get heated up and get? Or do they have two or three things you want to avoid? These are signs that you should be away from them. So the way we get more helpful is we increase our identity and we increase our identity by working on our faith, our intention, and our associations.

52:17If you do those three things, I believe you're gonna live happier. You're gonna help other people become happier. You're gonna make a contribution in people's lives that's deeper and more meaningful than you've ever made before. And by the way, lastly, that's what you were put here to do. You were put here. You were born to do something great with your life. In small ways and big ways, you were made to do something awesome with your life. Maybe not all of it's going to get limelight or notoriety, but you were born to make a difference in the world. And the more you realize that, the more you step into your intention, the more you step into the person you're capable of becoming, the more you just decide, I'm raising that thermostat setting.

52:51I'm no longer this other character I was playing at any point you and God are the authors of the life of your life you can grab the pen and start to write a new chapter and say I'm stepping into this new character their identity's higher they're more faithful they're focused on their intentions more often they improve their associations and they help people well I hope I'm doing that for you give me something you've done granular we'll go granular that has helped you begin to work on worthiness because this distinction, even in prepping for this, the reason I'm doing what I'm doing right now, we prepped, we talked about this.

53:26I've read the book, but I don't think I really made this correlative difference between confidence and worthiness. So what's something we could all do right now, a practice or a strategy for growing our worthiness level? Okay, let's dive in. And two things, we'll get granular now, but the book obviously has so much more. And then when you and I do live, and I want to say thank you for this. I don't think I said thank you off the top, but when you're an author, why are we doing this? I never realized this before I read a book, is that when you pre-order the book early, it's a huge gift to an author because then retailers know, oh, there's demand for it.

54:03Stack it up. Yeah. And so I just want to do something really, really special for everyone listening. And the fact that if they pre-order the book and they're live on a Zoom with you and me, let's dive. Like, we'll go deep into self-doubt and building self-worth. I'm so excited. So thank you again for that. So am I. And by the way, everybody, she's going to give you a tactic right now. But let me just say one thing to you. This is the only show. This is the worldwide announcement for her book. So I want to ask you, because, you know, Jamie's so remarkable and what you're going to learn and feel today is so remarkable.

54:34Share this episode, because it's the way people are going to find out the book's coming out. Right? So please share this episode. You can do it right now and keep listening or keep watching. But give us one thing we can do on our worthiness. Okay, great. And it'll go away, by the way. I didn't even say that. Sorry. But this is like something really special just for pre-orders, but it'll go away. So if you want to be live with Ed, grab it now and share it. They're with me all the time. They're going to want to be with you. But okay. You know, here's a big one for me is changing my relationship with rejection.

55:01And this is, you know, for every person listening, when you change your, and watching us too, when you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life. Yeah. You change your entire life. And I think fear of failure and rejection kills so many dreams. It keeps us stuck. And this was huge for me. And so just to take everyone through a tactical, let's just go there. Let's do a tactical exercise right now because this is something that outside of this episode, you're going to want to reapply it, spend more time on it, do the work on it. But just right now, as you're listening or watching us, answer this question to yourself super honestly, super honestly.

55:41When you fail at something or get rejected, what is the first thought that goes through your head? Very first thought. When you fail at something or get rejected, what's the first thought that goes through your head? For me, most of my whole life, it's, oh, yep, there's proof again, I'm not enough. Yep. I'm not enough. Sounds very familiar. Yeah? Is that yours then? Yes, yes. Same? Right now, whatever your thought that just came to your mind, right? That you just, your instant truth, first response, that is your current definition of rejection, right? So for me, it's, oh, there's proof I'm not enough, right?

56:21For a lot of people, it's something like, oh, yep, I'm not smart enough. I don't have what it takes. I'm stupid. I'm, you know, X, Y, or Z. I didn't go to the right school. I didn't come from the right family. I don't have what it takes. I'm, oh, yeah, it's because of my weight. Oh, it's whatever it might be, right? We all have this definition of rejection. And I want you to just take note of yours right now, because this is really powerful. Don't skip over this. This one thing will change your life. If you take note of what is your current definition of rejection, for me, it's I'm not enough, right?

56:53Can I tell you what mine's more specifically? Yeah. Just a little bit more refined, because I want to meet you in the middle on it. I think mine is like, I don't belong here. So it's slightly different, but like, I don't belong here. I don't know. I think there's probably some things where when I was a kid, my dad was like, yeah, we don't belong. But if I get into an environment, I don't belong here. If it's a big stage to speak on or a room that I'm in or people that are smarter than me, I don't belong here. I feel like I just physically, literally don't belong or even different things I've achieved or levels or like the first time I even walked into a country club I wanted to join.

57:30I don't belong here. They don't know the real me. Like, I don't belong here. And so that's, I just want to give the phraseology from me. Maybe it could be male, female. It could be just person to person that's different. Keep going. I interrupted you, but I just wanted to add that. No, that's so good. I think that sheds a lot of light, too, because get granular with, you know, for everyone joining us right now, just get granular on what that is for you, you know? And by the way, I have another thing. Oh, I hope we have time. I want to dive deep on what you just said. I'm going to dive deep in that in a minute with a whole other tactic.

58:03Okay, good. But yeah, I don't belong here. That's huge, right? I don't belong here. I'm not enough. And at our core, we all want to feel like we're enough and we'll be loved, right? We all need love and belonging. We all need to be seen and heard and know that we matter. And at our core, that's a huge one. I don't belong. Did you have the belonging thing? I wonder, because you didn't, you know, your birth mom gave you up real early, right? So like, did you, or did your mother who raised you make you feel like you belonged immediately? Or did you struggle with that at all? I've struggled with that my whole life.

58:34Have you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not feeling like I fit in, not feeling I belong, feeling I'm different. Yes. And maybe you are different and maybe that's a good thing. It doesn't mean you don't belong, but I am different. You are different. I know you. By the way, those of you that are listening, you are different. That's why you're individually you. Yes. Right? That's the thing that makes you different is your special sauce. Yes. Not the thing that eliminates you from the room or the environment. It's what makes you special to add something to your family, add something to a company, add something to another human being.

59:06Is these different things about you? So anyhow, you're going down your schedule. And to add to that, it's your superpower. If you are showing up in this world as your authentic self, by definition, you've never been done before. There's never been another you. And we think the thing that is different or quirky or awkward about us is what's wrong with us, but it's actually the thing that's right with us, right? And I don't want to get off on a huge tangent, but like had I not embraced all the crap that was technically wrong with me, I could have never built a billion dollar company. Like rosacea is considered a flaw.

59:39It's considered something wrong with me. And it's like when I finally started to embrace it and share it and step into it. Right. That's when other people felt seen. I was like, oh, me too. And I have skin challenges or this or that or whatever. And it's like there's a whole chapter in Worthy about this idea of how you're not crazy, you're just first. I love this. You're not crazy, you're just first. And, oh gosh, okay, I could talk about that for hours. But the lessons around this will change your life. It's why this book just came through me. I'm donating 100 % of the proceeds. I'm not even doing this to sell books.

1:00:14But this book will change your life. And I'm so fired up about it. But to get real tactical, okay, back there. So we just did our new definition or sorry, your current definition of rejection, which for me is like, oh, yep, proof again. I'm not enough. For Ed is, you know, I don't belong here. Right. And take note of what yours is that came to your mind right now. And step one of literally changing your entire life. Again, I believe this through my core. When you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life, your business, your family, your relationships, your goals and dreams ever stepping into your calling.

1:00:51So I want you to come up with a new definition of rejection that you are going to believe is true and remind yourself of every time it happens. And I'm going to give you a couple examples of this. So, for example, when I went through years of hundreds and hundreds of no's and rejections building at Cosmetics, and I would sit there, Ed, and I would Google all of my greatest heroes or people I thought I had so much respect for. And as I would read their stories, I'm like, oh, they've all gone through tons of rejections in their life, right? Every single one of them, right? And I came to this realization that the people who succeed the most are also the people who fail the most because they're the people who try the most and keep going.

1:01:35And so I started. Yeah. And I started telling myself this new definition of rejection, which is, oh, it's a victory. It means I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it. Yes. And I started telling myself that every time I call a new retailer on the phone and like, oh, no, no, you're not the right fit for us or this or that or whatever. And it would hurt my feelings. It's not that I was immune to being hurt or whatever, but I'm like, oh, you know what? I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it, which means eventually I'm going to succeed. And I started seeing rejection in this weird way as a positive thing.

1:02:09Another definition that I use a lot is rejection is God's protection. Yes. Right. And I use this one a lot and there are more in my own life, in my own head. Right. This is something I tell myself over and over. Or, you know, there's more stories than I can count where I'm like, and by the way, you know, it's one example is that cosmetics. I mean, there was one investor midway through the journey that said, you know, he passed on investing. And I thought we were down to almost bankrupt. Right. We had under a thousand dollars in our account, which was the company and our personal, which meant we had a few weeks left before we went bankrupt.

1:02:45And everything was on the line. And I had this big meeting with a potential investor. And and, you know, the story, Ed, but it's so unbelievable. At the end, you know, he passed on investing and I really was thinking he was going to be like my saving grace. And he said that he didn't think women would buy makeup from someone who looked like me with my body and my weight. And it was a whole thing. Wait a second. Hang on. Did you all just hear what she said? Okay, I want you to imagine you struggle with worthiness issues. You've been building this company forever. I just want to make sure because I think what you're about to tell them, the belief system that you took from it, could change the world.

1:03:18So, the first thing is, I want to go back. Yeah. Okay. you're not crazy you're just first i want everyone to just digest that i want you to hear what this woman said who knows about this stuff you are not crazy to be pursuing your dream yeah you're just first and you're probably first in your family which is why they're the ones who think you're the craziest you need to accept this okay there's a profound jamie has this ability to say profound deep things over and over again hundreds of them and she doesn't know you are not crazy You're just first. And your family's probably not going to get it.

1:03:53And even in your own company, maybe they're not going to get it. And so that's okay. The second thing is this woman's struggling with worthiness all of her life. She's getting rejected like crazy up and down. She's also struggled. One of her worthiness issues is she had rosacea. She struggled with body issues all of her life, if we're going to get really real with Jamie. She's had body issues. So imagine your biggest insecurity is probably that. It's physical. She's this gorgeous, beautiful woman, but she doesn't know it. And so her number one insecurity is probably her body issue, at least operating out in the real world.

1:04:29She goes into this meeting needing it. She's down to a grant. He not only rejects her, he says to you, I'll let you say it again, he tells her the very reason I'm rejecting you is the very thing you think about yourself the most deeply. I want you to imagine this, so go ahead. Yes, and we had gone through meeting after meeting. We went through the diligence phase. We were so close with this potential investor who's the head of a private equity company. And in the final meeting, he's actually, it was in person, so he's about three feet from me. Paula, my husband, was on the other side. And he says, you know, congratulations.

1:05:01You should be so proud of this product and what you've built. But it's a no. We're going to pass on investing. And when I said, can you tell me why? It's usually feedback's a gift. And he got very quiet. And he says, you want me to be really honest with you? And I said, yes, please. And he said, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight. And two things, though, Ed, OK, because rejections and the pain that they cause can take us out. They can take us down. They can take us out. We can keep replaying them over and over and over in our heads.

1:05:34And by this point, I had so many rejections. This was just one that I thought was going to be my saving grace that had he said yes. And I remember after I cried in my car, I remember telling myself rejection is God's protection. And I don't know how this is going to be God's protection. I don't see it now. It doesn't make sense to me now. I needed it to be a yes now. But I'm going to choose to believe that because if I don't believe that, it's going to take me down. I'm not going to get back up and keep going and embracing more rejection and more rejection and more rejection and more rejection.

1:06:08Right. And here's what ended up happening. I didn't hear from that guy for six years. The day that L 'Oreal bought my company for$1.2 billion cash, because they are a public company, it was all over the press, right? Homepage of the Wall Street Journal, everywhere. That was the first time I heard from that potential. Yeah. In six years, he said, congratulations on the L 'Oreal deal. I was wrong. Gosh. And what I wanted to say to him, Ed, was, did you ever see Pretty Woman? Yes. Because the character's Edward. Of course I saw Pretty Woman. I love that movie. So when they wouldn't help her in the store, and then she goes back later, what I wanted to say to him was, big mistake.

1:06:49Huge! Huge! I can give you 1.2 billion reasons why it was a huge mistake. But I kept it classy. I didn't say that. But here's my point in this. Had he invested, it would have been the most successful investment in his firm's history. But guess what? I was so desperate at the time, Ed. I was I probably would we probably give him the majority of the company for almost no money. Right. Because he didn't believe in me when we sold to L 'Oreal as a largest shareholder. So it's like rejection is God's protection. And sometimes we don't see it when it happens. And so that's that's one. Can we say something on that?

1:07:25Yeah. OK. So because her and I talk about these things all of the time. First of all, it's one of the most unbelievable stories ever. And I've heard it many times. A few weeks ago, I went to watch Jamie speak. I'm in the front row. Obviously, I'm rooting for my friend. But I got emotional again. I started crying again. And actually, right now, if I'm not careful, I will. Because I'm picturing this woman who all of her life has struggled with worthiness. And then to have someone hit you right where he's hit. But rejection is God's protection, is one of the fundamental beliefs I've never heard said before, that if you adapt and adopt that belief in your life, it will change your life.

1:08:00Here's how much your relationship with rejection matters. My children, both at that stage, you know Max and Bella. Both of them are, you know, hey, they're in college, you're getting ready for their careers. And Max's son said, maybe I'll follow in your footsteps, dad, get into sales in the beginning. And I said, Max, the whole key, if you're going to go into business for yourself, is your ability to deal with rejection. It's the number one thing. Can you deal with rejection? And what's the story you tell yourself? Because it's not the stories of our life, the events of our life that define it.

1:08:27It's the meaning we attach to it. Our friend Arun McManus had a great post I saw today, by the way, Jamie, where he said, Emotions only store in our body when they're attached to a story. So if there's no story, you've had a lot of emotions in your life that don't stick because you didn't attach a story to it. But when you attach a story to it, so that story you tell yourself. So you take it a step further. This is an all-time moment on podcast she's about to give you, just so you know, guys. Okay. So not only is rejection God's protection, but what else did you eventually uncover that you realized about what God was doing on your behalf in that rejection?

1:09:01in terms of hiding something from him. You guys listen, your life's about to change in this next one minute right here because if you can adapt this true belief system, it's not only a belief, it's a truth about your life. Your life's about to be very different, including mine the first time I heard it. So go for it. Yeah, if you're someone that you are holding onto pain from a past relationship, a past failure, mistakes that you've made, someone who did you wrong, somebody, the job you didn't get, the thing that's not going your way, whatever it might be, the partner that screwed you over, whatever it is, right?

1:09:36This definition of rejection is probably the most common one I applied in my life right now, every single, almost every single day, Ed, because sometimes, you know what? A friend doesn't invite you to coffee or include you in a group and it hurts your feelings, right? Whatever it might be, this is now what I believe most commonly when rejection happens in my life, I imagine my creator, God saying, oh, no, no, no, you weren't rejected. I hid your value from them because they're not assigned to your destiny. And I believe that, right? When things don't go my way right now, when someone, you know, doesn't give me the thing or want me there or include me in the room, whatever it might be, or doesn't get me for some reason, you know, have you ever tried to make someone just, you want to connect with them so bad you want them to like you and they just don't whatever it might be i believe this through my core and it has changed my life that i always now hear god saying to me oh no no you're not rejected you weren't rejected i hid your value from them because they're not assigned to your destiny it's one of the all-time greatest things i've ever heard and i wish every human being could hear it and i hope you share this everybody this episode yeah i want my daughter to know that I want my daughter to know it so badly that when you walk in a room and a boy doesn't notice you like you like them to, or you don't get invited to something, or you get rejected in a sale down the road in your life, or if you're in a relationship and somebody leaves you, God had started to hide your value from them.

1:11:09Yes. And I'm telling you at 52, and Jamie can tell you as a much younger woman than I am, but having a lot of success in her life, it is so profoundly true that that's what God's doing. He is protecting you in that moment by either hiding your value or taking the perception of your value away when they once did. And sometimes in life to get you out of a relationship or out of a company or out of a job you have and you've been fired. Yes. You've been fired. Yes. Maybe they used to value and now they don't. And God's removed that value from them to protect you. Yes. It's so beautifully true. I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I just want to say it.

1:11:45It's so true. Yeah. Yeah, and I love what you said earlier. Share this episode with anyone who needs to hear this. How has serving people helped you? It's not in any of the things we were going to talk about, but probably more than anybody you know, and certainly in your case, more than anybody I know, we're really doing whatever this is we're doing for service for you and I. Neither one of us financially have a need to do it. I gave away all the proceeds from my book. You're doing the same thing. So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me, but what was around my life.

1:12:18And the fact of the matter was I did not have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, that lack of standard, got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't even have a car, nevermind electricity for a while. And so it's very dangerous.

1:12:49It was very dangerous for me for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking, who I had around me. They weren't bad people. There's very few bad people. They just weren't people who were going to get me going in my life where I knew I needed to go, where I was born to go. I had read all the books on personal development. I learned about influence, kind of learned how to change my state, how to think differently. Been to a lot of the events that you go to. Why is it that so many people go to all these self-improvement personal development business events? They get all excited when they're there.

1:13:17They're ready to conquer the world Then they get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal and that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives That's why and so the reason you're so excited when you're at the event The reason you wrote it to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing And so I had to start to address my environment and environment is all the place you are But most importantly your environment is the people that are around you because write this down number one in our lives The most powerful force that i'm aware of in the world Is to be consistent and congruent with the expectations of our peer group Let me say that to you again The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations Of our peer group You're going to get out of life what the people around you expect of you And so I had to begin to address who were the people around me and specifically what was the environment that I was in because number two proximity is power the closer somebody is to you the more influence they have over you that's why your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated at all given times and people ask me how do I get more spouse support or partner support boyfriend or girlfriend support I don't know that you're always going to get more support and I don't even know that that's needed but one thing that's a foundation of all relationships is does this person believe in me most people love us that's one thing if we're in a relationship we kind of feel a level of love.

1:14:36But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life? Not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us. We say, I want people to accept me as I am. And there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of you. There's nothing compelling you to go to the next version. There's no stimulus that says, I better change. There's no discomfort because these people closest to us, their proximity has influence over us.

1:15:11So number one thing I want you to ask yourself is, do the people around me believe in me? And if they don't, that needs to be evaluated. People say, well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them? Well, maybe in some cases, if they're antagonistic to you, certainly. But what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe in you or who will believe in you. And if they don't believe in you, perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life. But one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you. Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be.

1:15:39I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people from my life, but very few. This is so critical to you becoming successful because your environmental game is more important even than your mental game because it's what supports it. And so I want you to evaluate a few things. Do they believe in me? Number two are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words when you're around them What do you find yourself talking the most about is it the past or the future? I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the present but most importantly the future In other words, I want people who are present with me so that when they're with me we're together You know you have those friends who are constantly not present even though they're in your presence We don't want that either But if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference, old stories, old things, remember when, high school, college, previous date, previous vacation, previous business, remember when, constantly, you know, they're just always reminiscing.

1:16:37Or are they projecting me into the future? If at least 75 % of your conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around, these are not people supporting your future. They're supporting your past. They're reinforcing your past. The more we talk about something the more we reinforce its importance in our life And so this is a very subtle thing and I think even as I say it you're going whoa They do love me. I think they might believe in me, but man we talk about the past all the time Well, this is somebody who's gonna reinforce that state of your life You need to add people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you You know you've heard about triggers before where you can learn in personal development You know you snap your fingers you put yourself in a state or you walk you hear a song It's a trigger, isn't it?

1:17:20You hear a song from some point in your life It triggers a memory or a song you love right now that triggers you wanting to work out or move your body So things are triggers people are also triggers and if there are people in your life just by their proximity trigger Events that are prior in your life that didn't serve you just by being around them. They're they're a trigger humans are triggers Do you have people that just when you see them they trigger peace for you? They trigger joy. They trigger abundance they trigger competing they trigger intensity they trigger belief they trigger confidence they trigger your desire to grow ask yourself what triggers these people are in your life what do they trigger in you and you begin to you start to look at these things you're going wow well this group of friends who they accept me but i don't know if they believe in me then i've got this other group of friends where they believe in me but we're always talking about the past and then you know what they kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me Who do I have that's triggering my desire to grow who makes me uncomfortable?

1:18:22Who do I have? Like I kind of clean up the house before they come over who do I have where I get excited when I see him because Not every conversation is the same. I don't know where it's gonna go You should have those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that It's an important thing But you said these other people who really don't accept this version of you They believe in you so greatly so much that they don't accept this version of you They don't accept this level of happiness, abundance, joy, performance from you because they know how much more you're capable of.

1:18:53Who do you have like that in your life? And the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because, and I want you to write this down, we get our standards in life. We don't always get our goals. We don't always even get what we focus on. We end up ultimately getting what our standards are. Standards dictate everything in life. And the people around us help create that standard. For example, I was at a birthday party last night and the people sitting around me were all very fit people and dessert came. It was birthday cake time. And I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake.

1:19:27But the first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their life and when their cheat days are, their cheat meals are. And all three people passed on it. And immediately, almost through peer pressure, I went, no, I'll pass too. And then my buddy goes, dude, it's okay. Have a piece. And I said, no, no, no, man, it's good. That standard alters us in every little area. Now that's an obvious example But we're going to get our standards our standards of wealth our standards of faith our standards of abundance And the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in their life So the people around you evaluate next what are the standards they help you set in your life?

1:20:04The other thing we win with is energy And so ask yourself this is this person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer? This is massive. So when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your phone and you're like, oh, right. You know, that conversation, that text is going to be an energy drain. This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're helping because we're going to talk about that next. But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy drainers, what do you think that's doing to your environment that you're supporting yourself with?

1:20:45Okay. Or on the contrary, is this someone who gives you energy, feeds your energy, feeds your belief, makes you stronger, gives you that juice in your life? Because all of these things, these people around us, all these evaluations, they're creating our environment so that it'll support our thinking. It'll support the changes we're making. It'll support our goals. This is supported by scripture as well. Proverbs 27, 17, as iron sharpens iron, so does one person sharpen another. And so one of the obvious questions about this is if someone is lower energy for me or is a past reference person or a trigger that doesn't support me or they don't believe in me or they only accept me as I am.

1:21:21If you have some of these issues, what do you do with them? I'll give you three things. I don't think you just eliminate people from your lives. It's not that hardcore a thing because this is more about adding the right people than it is eliminating people. But it is reducing their proximity. And so I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you want to Number one, I would recommend you be kind to them be kind in your conversations with them You don't have to become mean to them or adversarial to them And I don't even think you need to let them know this number two I think you need to be cordial, but I will tell you that you begin to become three which is concise Your dialogue with them begins to be concise their proximity to you begins to shrink And these are things people say gosh, that's so difficult.

1:21:59Well, do you want to be happier? Do you want to win? I mean you've already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals down. You're already working on yourself. You already got some habits that you're working on Maybe this is the area Perhaps this is the area those of you that have children. This is an audio or video They should be watching or listening to their school teachers influence them. That's their mentors That's like what we're doing right now, right? But who really has influence over your children who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends and it's their closest friends That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly the good parents do because they know the proximity of these kids around their children are going to influence ultimately who they become.

1:22:36Our lives begin to have a pace that's different than when we're young. But the same exact thing is true for us. These people closest to us dictate who we become. It's not our mentors like our school teachers. They have some influence. I have influence, hopefully, with you. But not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done listening to this. Not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight. Not the same as who you have lunch, who you're around at work, who you're around in the evening, who you socialize with, right? They have the greatest form of influence over you. Because in your life, you're trying to build this library of memories, aren't you?

1:23:07And in your mind right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings. With the same people? With the same people? With the same people, you are likely to build the same types of memories over and over again. So if you love your life right now, if everything in your life is rich and you don't want it to change and you don't want it to grow and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well, then by all means, keep these people very close to you and add people as you go.

1:23:41But if there's this part of this, I want to change the memories. I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see, moments I have. So all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in your environment and the things around you. environment. What do you have around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment, but the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment that are around you.

1:24:13And so that's how you eliminate. Now, adding people to your life, the best way to do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. So, I mean, where do they have lunch? Where do they have coffee? Where do they work out? Where do they worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to become good friends and just become a part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy. It's work to add people to your life. I could tell you that I work very hard at this. I also believe in the law of reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody to be your friend.

1:24:42You find a way that you can contribute. You want to become a friend of mine, say, how can I help you? How can I serve you? Just offer whatever you have. You say, I don't have anything to offer people. You'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people. Not all of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track record. You'd be surprised, someone like myself, what just your belief means to me, your support means to me. And I'm the type of person, the people you want in your life, when I feel like you've given me something, I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more.

1:25:18And so the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations. Maybe it is your connections. Maybe it is a talent or skill you have, but it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful than me, much more well-known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sense this person truly believes in me. They truly care about me. This is a real friend.

1:25:46You have those people in your life as well where they don't necessarily have the all the experience to support you But they really believe in you. They really love you And then the last thing I want to ask you today is because for you to add these people to your life What I just said is the most important thing. How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives right now? Are you that person? That's an energy giver or drainer. Are you a future frame of reference or the past? Do you help your friends set high standards or the acceptable standards they already have? Right.

1:26:17Are you someone who deeply believes in people and they know it or you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you begin to ask you. How are you showing up in other people's lives? Because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things, your environment slowly but surely will begin to support your mental game will be supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with your life.

1:26:47You were put here to do something special all your life. Since you're a little boy or a little girl, there was some point in your life where you knew you were supposed to do something great. That you were put here for a reason. That you've got a calling. That you've got a home in your life you're eventually going to find where you're living the real, true, authentic version of you. Your best version. You know you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now, if you're listening to this or you're watching this, maybe you're not quite there yet. And maybe it's your thinking. Maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits, which I cover all the time on this show.

1:27:19Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely it's the environmental stuff. It's the standards. It's the people around you that believe in you. It's not just having people that accept you because you want to do something so great with your life. I have this theory that many of you heard that when I die someday, I believe I want the Lord to say, well done, good and faithful servant. But I have this hallucination, as many of you know, that when I die, the Lord's going to do that. and he's going to turn around and say, Eddie, I want you to meet the man I made you to be. When I made you in my image and likeness, this is the destiny version of you.

1:27:48This is the man you were born to be. And that guy's going to be standing there, and I want to meet him and go, I've been chasing you all my life, man. And he's going to say, boy, you caught me. You did it. I'm proud of you. You had all the memories, all the moments, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the difference, all of it in your life. You made it all happen. You became the man you were born to be. We're identical twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass away. Heaven is I meet the man I was born to be and we're identical twins. Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers.

1:28:19You're total strangers. That woman someday when you die and you meet the woman you could have been and you're total strangers. You went down different paths, different roads, different decisions your entire life. And you never become that woman. You never become that man. To me, that's hell. So if it's that important to you that you've always known, maybe it got buried as you got older. Maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it. And then maybe our parents, our friends, our school teachers, just life started to happen and we forget who we are.

1:28:47We forget who we are. And you know why you forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life. Because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were really little, you knew it. You felt it because you were closer to God at that time. And the more and more people were added to your life, they began to treat you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of you. and maybe you've started to accept that. So if it's people that created these limiting beliefs, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this thing about us where we forget our greatness, if it's people who did this to us, it's people who are gonna help us get out of it.

1:29:21If it's the environment that stole this joy, stole this belief, stole this confidence from us, stole this sense of purpose from us and passion, it's the environment that'll give it back to us again. And we put the people in our lives that we deserve to have, not just that have always been there.