Start Separating Yourself From the Old Version of You

23:49Most massive chains are simple fine-tuning type carburetor adjustments that we make that end up overhauling the engine of our life long-term if we're willing to get creative and innovative. So I want all of your thoughts, your vision, your paradigm, the matrix you start to see the world through starting right this moment, how can I separate? How can I separate separation from competition, separation from the former me? How can I separate my body, separate my mind, separate my family, separate my moments, separate my nutrition, separate my business, separate my money? Everyone's spending extra money.

24:25I ain't doing that this year. I'm separating. Everyone overeats. I ain't doing that this year. Everybody cools their workouts. I ain't doing that this year, right? All of these things begin to be catalysts for change. And you stack up all these inches. And this time next year, there's a different woman standing there. There's a different man standing there. It won't be perfect. There'll be things you need to do then to separate from that person. But I want you to remember this lastly. We're not separating from where we are because there's something wrong with us. That's not the reason. You're exactly the way you're supposed to be because that's exactly who you are right now.

24:59All you can do is start from where you are, one day at a time, one more at a time, and separate. And guess what? But in a year, you'll be exactly the woman or man you're supposed to be at that time. And we'll be talking about separating from there as well. That's the journey of life. We're either growing or we're dying, right? And I want you to grow. And we grow by separating. So today was brief. To the point, tactics, strategies. Share this with people. Get the message out to your teams if you're in business that it's time to separate as a team, as a company. Get it to your children, your family, the athletes you know.

25:32It's time to separate. very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes you'll never miss an episode that way today's question involves winning and i've been asked ed can you please give us one of the invisible keys to winning that separates the winners from the losers in any endeavor and so i'm going to do that today you know there's a million keys to winning but one of the things i want to take the mystery out of it for you first thing is i'm always a little bit concerned It's trepidatious for me to talk about winning and losing because I know how small the difference between winning and losing is.

26:11It's almost too scary to talk about. It's really true. I've watched people get very close to winning and it's that one little thing they miss, that invisible thing that separates the winners from the losers. It truly is a game of inches and millimeters when it comes to winning in business, winning in sports, winning in life, winning in our body, winning in our emotions. It's the small things I found. And I think most people want to believe that there's all of these secrets to winning because as long as it's secretive and they don't do it, then they've got an excuse as to why they haven't won. But what if the truth is there really aren't any secrets?

26:46There just really aren't. That we all sort of really know what we need to do to win. but what it comes down to, that little thing, that separator that's too scary to talk about, is our willingness to do those things and the consistency with which we do them. Here's what I found. The people that are average and ordinary in most endeavors in life do the things they need to do occasionally. And the people that win and dominate do them every day. They just do it more consistently. They do the things that the average do once in a while, they do all the time. And that's the separator. You can't do something when you feel like it.

27:24You can't do things on the days that you feel great. The separator isn't who's more motivated, right? Motivation is important. Inspiration is important. But the truth is, it's what do you do on the days that you are not motivated, that you are not inspired? Do you have the habits and rituals and disciplines, the guts, the grit, frankly, to step up and do the things that you know you need to do all the time, not some of the time. And when you stack up those all the times, those are the inches that you fight for that separate the greats from the average, the ones that become the best ever, the goats in their industry, the best moms, the best dads, the multimillionaire entrepreneur compared to the ones that just do okay.

28:08It's interesting. You know, there's a rhythm and a pace to success that I think most people aren't familiar with. But I can promise you right now that if you spend a day with some of the top entrepreneurs in the world, there's a rhythm and a pace that you probably aren't used to. It's faster. It's quicker. They talk faster. They walk faster. They think faster. They make decisions faster. And it's just a hair. Like if you watch an average ordinary entrepreneur, they look like they're working hard. They look like they do things most days, but it's a little slower. The cadence, the rhythm isn't quite what it is for those that dominate.

28:41I could tell you there's a rhythm to success and once you understand that rhythm which I'm trying to explain to you It's 15 % faster. It's 20 % faster. It's not a hundred times They don't do a million things better They do a few things better and they do those things consistently and they do them faster and more repetitiously You know really the best ability in life is availability The best ability is availability It's showing up and doing things consistently on a regular basis that most people just can't have the discipline to do. They get what I call leadership fatigue or they get routine fatigue.

29:18They just get tired of saying the same things over and over again, of doing the same things over and over again. And that's what discipline is. Discipline is the ability to do things when you don't feel like it. And when you're tired of doing it, when you're fatigued, when you're bored with doing it, most winning is not beautiful. It's a grind. And remember this, when you're making history, it very rarely feels like it. It rarely feels like it. What it feels like is work. What it feels like is lonely. What it feels like is you're the only one doing it. And that's because you probably are. But what you need to know is that when you're laying those bricks every day and the person that you're competing against is laying them every third day, eventually, even if they're better at laying the bricks, even if they have some magic brick, which there's no such thing.

30:07Eventually, it's the person who can do it over and over and over again that separates themselves. And the truth is, why don't people do things consistently? Because it's not sexy. It's not exciting, right? You think about the best, if you had a great mom, right? What does she do? She just shows up quietly every day and does the things that make a difference that aren't beautiful, but they matter. If you have one, like a mom like I had, it was, she was there every morning. She made my lunch every day on the days when she was sick and the days when she didn't feel like it. She picked me up every day from school.

30:46I never needed to wonder whether mom was going to show up to pick me up from school. You all know what I mean, right? Can you imagine if you were raised not knowing whether or not your parent was going to get you from school, not knowing whether you're going to have lunch every day? And I know a lot of you had to grow up that way. But the truth is, my mom just did the quiet things that great people do every single day. She did her homework with me every single day. And I did well in school because of that. Whereas some parents did it only when grades were bad, only when they had to, only when there was a problem, only when they felt like it, only when their schedule permitted it.

31:22So my mom was a great mom and some moms are average moms, right? That's what separates you is doing those small things every single day. You know, it's like getting up earlier. In my first book, I talk about, you know, successful people get up earlier. They just simply get up earlier. But how do you get up early? You say, Ed, I get up at seven o 'clock. I'd really like to get up at 530. Well, you don't all of a sudden start getting up at 530. If you got up an hour and a half earlier, this is what most people try. They try to change everything all at once, right? Let me tell you what's going to happen.

31:52By about noon, you're going to be tired and you're not going to be your best. The way you get up earlier every day is the way you change everything in life incrementally. So right now, if you get up at seven and you want to eventually get up at 530, do you know what you do? You get up 15 minutes earlier. You won't miss those 15 minutes of sleep. Now you're up at 645 and you do that for a month. For a month, you get up 15 minutes earlier. You won't even feel the change. It doesn't even seem like a big deal. It's a drop in the bucket, right? It's 15 more minutes. But then the next month, you get up 15 minutes earlier.

32:24Now you're up at 6.30. You're up at 6.30 and you do that for a month. You won't miss those 15 minutes from 6.45. It doesn't even feel like you've changed anything. But consistently now you're up 15 minutes earlier. And then the next month, you get up at 6.15. And all of a sudden, you went from 7 to 6.45 to 6.30. Now it's 6.15. And before you know it, a month after that, it's 6 a.m. You can reverse engineer it all the way back several months later. You're waking up at 530, but you do it incrementally. And it doesn't seem like a big change, but it's huge because it's consistent. Same thing in business.

33:00If you want to start doing it, it's not making 100 times more contacts every day. It's increasing your productivity by 15 % to 20 % and doing it every single day. It's not massive changes. Most of you, if you're an engine, don't need a major engine overhaul. You need a small, fine-tuning type adjustment. The old days, a carburetor type adjustment. That's the difference. It's these small things. It's doing it consistently. And it's this belief system, listen to me, that you're going to become relentless and obsessed with what you're doing. You know what the great ones do? They do the needle-moving things.

33:39The things that move the needle. They don't just do the routine every day. They do something in their life as a parent, as an entrepreneur, as a leader that moves the needle, stuff that can make quantum leaps, the hard stuff, the difficult stuff. I teach in my scheduling that I don't do first things first every day. I do feared things first, feared things first. Get the thing you're most afraid of out of the way. You know how you do something consistently? You build the habit of doing the feared things first in your day. If early in your day if you've got a call you don't want to make Do that call first if you've got a meeting you don't want schedule it first I try to schedule all my difficult meetings on mondays Early in the day too because I want to create momentum if I can do that one I don't want to do if I can make that call I don't want to make the rest of my day is like downhill It's like momentum going down the hill as opposed to if you've got that hard meeting or that one call or that Contact you need to make and you just haven't made it all day and you make the other ones You know you're climbing uphill all day till you got to do that one.

34:42But if you just knock the feared things first off, then it's like cruising downhill all day. It's much easier when you create momentum. These are the things. It's the pace. It's the rhythm. It's the consistency. It's the availability. It's the game of inches that separate people. It's doing the things every day that the average do some days. It's doing it on the days you don't feel like it compared to those who just do it when they're pumped up and excited and they've heard the right podcast. or they got the right Instagram message today. These are the separators. And what it comes down to truthfully is this belief system.

35:19And here's what I've always said. And I mean this, I think you got to evaluate this truly. If you believe you're far away from something, you will pace yourself that way. I've always heard people say, well, business is a marathon. Life's a marathon. life is really long life can be short if it's miserable i can tell you that life can be short if it's not going very well and although it's a marathon the great ones sprint the whole race that's not that they don't rest i don't know you know what i mean what i'm saying is there's a pace if you think something's far away you act like it see most people don't lack vision they have a vision if you asked them hey do you want to be rich or poor the average person would probably say rich.

36:04Do you want to make a big difference in the world or make none? I'd like to make a difference. You want to contribute or not contribute? I want to contribute. Do you want to laugh or cry more? I want to laugh more. I want to be happy or sad. I want to be happy. You want to go see things and create memories in your life or basically do the same thing over and over again? Most people say, I want memories in my life. So it's not that you don't have a vision. it's that you have a depth perception problem. You have a pacing problem. See, you think your dreams, those feelings, those memories, that change, that body, that relationship, that amount of money is really far away.

36:42And because you believe it's that far away, you've created patterns, belief systems, thought processes in your life that perpetually keep it that far away. You are jogging in the marathon of life where the winners are running 15 to 20 % faster than you. They're up 15 minutes before you. They're making 15 to 20 % more contacts. They're doing every day what you do some days because they believe that they're one decision, one meeting, one new contact, one new relationship, one new thought. Maybe one podcast away from completely changing their life. I'm not suggesting to you that it's going to be easy and that it's going to happen like that.

37:25What I am suggesting to you is that if you think it's really far away and you pace yourself and you do things occasionally, it'll always stay that far away. It'll always be there. It'll always be a mystery. And here's the truth. You and I both know it. There's no mystery to what makes a great mom or a great dad. You know exactly what it is. There's no mystery of what makes a great athlete. you know exactly what that looks like. There's no mystery would make a great entrepreneur. There's no mystery that would make you happier. There's no mystery. The mystery is you. The mystery is, are you willing to do the things every day to be relentless, to be obsessed, to get out of balance?

38:08This notion of balance is a fallacy. If you're going to do anything great in your life, some things are going to be popping at a given time when others aren't. But what if this entire notion that your life is a finite kind of pie That if you take a big slice out of the business pie, your family is going to suffer If you really focus on your family, then you're going to suffer in your fitness What if the truth is that you're an expanding being That vibrates at a very high frequency And that when you magnify one area of your life, if you do it correctly It'll magnify and expand the others not take from it See all these questions about what it takes to win or am I going to be out of balance are from a completely flawed belief system Two beliefs one is that it's further away than it really is and two is that if i'm killing it in one area of my life Another area has to suffer What if that's one of the great lies of life?

39:02What if one of the great lies of life is that your dreams are for other people? That it's for people not like you that they're doing extraordinary things that you're incapable of doing as opposed to the truth is they're just doing things every day that you only do occasionally. They have availability all the time. What if the truth is that the great lie is that it's far away and the truth is that it's one decision, one new thought, one meeting, one connection away? What if that's the great lie of life? What if the great lie of life is that this is for other people and not you? Because I can tell you that that's a lie.

39:39The truth is that it's very close. And the truth is, is that it's these small decisions that alter our lives. I can tell you straight up, you're a lot closer than you think you are. And what if the third great lie is that, oh, if I'm really expanding one area of my life, another area has to suffer, that I'll become out of balance. I don't even know what balance means, but what I've found in my life, and here's the truth, that's a lie. It's a flawed belief system that's been mind-virused throughout our culture and our society for years where we have these concepts of balance. Let me tell you what I found that when I am killing it in the gym and I'm a business athlete and I'm strong and I'm spending time in there training my body, that I'm a better businessman.

40:21That's what I found that my gym life, my fitness life expands my business life. You know what I've also found that when I'm killing it at work and I'm giving it everything I've got, that when I come home, I'm a better dad. I'm a better friend. I've got more insights, more energy to give to other people. When i'm suffering at work I usually suffer at home when i'm suffering in the gym. I'm suffering at work So when one area expands it magnifies the other areas of life The reason that we believe it takes from one another and we feed that belief system is we've been programmed into our minds To believe it i'm not saying that you not need to be careful that you don't need to be careful About your allocation of time and making sure everybody gets something but I can tell you straight up The fitter I've gotten and the harder I've worked out in the gym and the more time I've put in there, the better businessman that I've been.

41:11The better businessman I've been where I'm making a difference in my work and I'm growing and expanding. The more I bring to my family and friends, the more value I have, the more insights I have, the more love I have, the bigger and better version of me I have to share with my family. You remember this if you're doing a great job as a mother or a father You're going to bring that love and that comfort and that security And that faith into your work life and it's going to expand your work life not take from it And when you're crushing it at work, you're going to be a better mom and a better dad and a better friend Because you're a better you and you're more proud of you and you respect you more And because when you come from that place, you've got more to give other people and when you're nailing it in your fitness and you're crushing it and you're fitter and stronger, those aren't hours you're taking from other places.

42:02Those are investments you're making in your strength and your vitality and your mental wellbeing so that you are better at work and that you are better in your family. One of those areas expands the others as long as you believe it does. Those are the three lies of life. And today I cleared it up for you. I told you the truth. And so although there are no secrets to winning, there are lies. There are flawed belief systems that take from winning. And what I have found is that if you do the things that I've described today, you put yourself in a position to win where the probability of you winning is increased.

42:37There's no guarantees in life. There's no promises. What we're trying to do is increase the probability and the possibility of our winning. And what starts to happen is you become an impossibility thinker into a possibility achiever. all your life, you've had this secret notion about you. Deep in your heart, you were known, you were born to do something great with your life. When you were a little boy or a little girl, you just knew it. Maybe even had a family member who made you feel that way. They saw the special in you, didn't they? I'm here to just remind you today, they were right. you were right you were born to do something great with your life and I mean yes you sister yes you my brother and maybe no one's told you in a while maybe no one's reminded you in a while but I want you to know God made you to do something great he made you in his image and likeness with a big plan and you're going to make a difference in people's lives and what seem to be small ways that end up being huge ways down the line in their life and some of the things when you're doing it's going to feel really big when you're doing it.

43:47But remember what I said earlier, when you're making history in your life, most of the time it doesn't feel like it because you're in the midst of the work. You're in the midst of the fog. You're on that lonely road to success that I've described in other podcasts. If you've not heard those shows, listen to them. It seems lonely. It seems dark. It doesn't seem like you're getting there. But meanwhile, you're making deposits in the bank account of success every single day. The truth is the people that win, that become the goats that are the great ones, they've just made more deposits in the success account than those that haven't.

44:19And they make those deposits because they do needle moving things. They get up a little bit earlier. They do it more consistently. They believe they're closer than they are. They know that when they're crushing it in one area, they're expanding in others. They know it's a game of inches. They know it's almost too scary to talk about. But the thing they really know is that they were born to do it, that they were born to do something great with their life. So I'm here to remind you, it's closer than you think. You're closer than you think. There are no secrets, but there are secrets. There are lies.

44:50There are flawed belief systems. And hopefully today we've rid you of a few of them. I really believe in you. And I don't believe in you because I've met you, because millions of you I haven't met. I believe in you because I believe in God. I believe that he doesn't make any mistakes. and even if you don't believe in God, that's okay. I got enough belief for both of us. And I know that you were born to do something awesome, that you're not here by mistake. I know there's a purpose to you in your life. And I know the more that you do these things I've described, that purpose will be revealed to you even if it's not clear to you now.

45:25Over time, it'll be revealed. Over time, those deposits you're making, millions of other people in your life and maybe just a few of them will be the benefactors of making the withdrawals because you did all of the work. The people that you love will thank you someday for doing all of the work you've done. Just right now, they can't see it. Right now, maybe they don't even believe it for you. But I believe it. And I know you're going to do something great. I hope today helped you. I hope every week when we come back on these solo episodes that you, I picked up another thing. I'm more inspired.

45:58I learned something. This is something I'm going to shift. I know for me, it was valuable today. I feel like I was talking to me. I feel like I was talking to me. We're all in this together. We're all brothers and sisters. None of us are better than anybody else. You know, the world is going to try to convince you that we're all separated, that we're all at each other's throats right now. We're all in this together. And although we may have different opinions and belief systems about different things, we're brothers and sisters nonetheless. And we're put here and born to make each other's lives better.

46:31And that includes you. You are uniquely qualified to change other people's lives. You're the only person on earth right now with your experiences, your personality, your background, your heart, your mind, all combined into one human being. Man, that's pretty special. Man, you're special. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. You know, people ask me often, what were some of the decisions and choices and areas I focused on that made the biggest difference for me in my life? And today's topic is the thing that I would probably give you the gift of first.

47:14And that is the power of your identity. See, I believe the most powerful force in the world is to be consistent with the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and beliefs you hold to be true about yourself. And that is what identity is. Identity is the governor on every single area of your life. It literally sets the temperature for all of the conditions of your life. Shakespeare has this incredible quote that says, we know what we are, but not what we may be. And the who you may be is going to be dictated by your ability to alter your identity. Because you are going to always be consistent with what you believe you're worth and what you believe you deserve or what is your identity.

47:52Your identity, the best analogy I could give you, is like a thermostat sitting on the wall of your life. It sets the entire temperature for the conditions of your life in multiple areas. And so most people think their life is dictated by external circumstances. They spend their entire life trying to control what is outside of them. You've all heard the great saying that people in 12-step programs talk about, about learning to control the things they can and letting go of the things that they can't control. And the fact of the matter is you cannot always control the external factors that are impacting you in your life.

48:24The good news is it's the external things in your life that do not dictate the direction or the ultimate destination of your life That is a fallacy listen to me when I tell you this External circumstances do not dictate the ultimate destination of your life It's an internal game you and your faith your God or what will control the direction of your life Not the external things that are impacting you all the time and this identity is that internal thermostat It sets the temperature, just like a thermostat sitting on the wall, of the conditions of your entire life. Let me give an example of how the thermostat of our lives works.

49:00The best analogy I could give you is exactly how one works in the room I'm sitting in. It sets the temperature of the room. And so the external conditions don't impact the internal temperature of this room because that thermostat regulates the condition of the room. So if we open the door and the windows in this room and cold air blew in here, the thermostat would kick on wouldn't it and heat the room back up to 75 degrees so no matter what hit it it regulates the temperature of the room the reverse is also true a bunch of hot air blew in the room if we open the doors and the windows the thermostat would cool the room back down and regulate it to 75 degrees guess what that's exactly how your life works once you accept this truth it is a fact that is not the external things that are happening it's the internal thermostat.

49:45Too often in life, people don't work on changing their identity. They're always working on producing external results. Have you ever known somebody who was wealthy and no longer is? Have you ever known somebody who made a bunch of money and no longer does? How about somebody who was in a great relationship and that relationship no longer exists? How about someone who got in great shape that is no longer in that shape again? If your results begin to exceed your internal thermostat, you will find a way to cool your life back down to what you believe you're worth and you're comfortable at your identity.

50:15You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, I was, this accident happened or this appointment canceled or this circumstance took place. It's not coincidence. All of those things have happened because you set the thermostat of your life and you've regulated what you're going to get. Isn't that incredible that you can learn all the talents, the behaviors, the skills, the tactics, all the strategies that I teach you. But if you don't alter that thermostat internally, you could have all of the skills of a hundred degree producer and you will live a 75 degree existence because you will turn the air condition of your life on back down to cool it where you're comfortable.

50:48It's also true by the way, you've seen this in your own life. Maybe you've had something really good going in business before. You've got momentum. It seems like things are happening great. And then you wake up four, five, six months later and you've cooled your life, your business right back down to where it was before. Maybe you'd save some money at one time and then coincidentally your car broke down or a bill happened or there was a run of birthday parties and all of a sudden that bank accounts back to where it always was it's not coincidental you've cooled the conditions back down again and so you've seen this happen maybe you got in great shape at one point but your identity wasn't that fit a person and you've cooled it back down to about what you're comfortable being this is true in your faith in your relationships by the way you have multiple thermostat settings you have one in your faith you have one in your fitness one in your money one in your happiness right one in your business life so there's multiple identities we have.

51:38The reverse is also true. There's been times in your life where the circumstances, the conditions were terrible. You thought you'd never get out of it. You're never going to eat again. Well, guess what? You ate again, didn't you? And you heated your life back up to that same place again. So you've proven this over and over in your life, haven't you? So have I, so has every single human being. The governor on our life, the regulator of our life is our identity, which is the internal thermostat that sets the temperature for our life. So the key in life is to learn all the thoughts, the skills, the tactics, and the strategies that can heat our life up in the areas that matter most to us.

52:12But if we don't simultaneously change the conditions of our thermostat, change what we're comfortable living at, change our identity, our worth, change the thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and value we hold to ourself, we will cool or heat our life back to that regulated temperature. And so I'm telling you the overall key to changing the external conditions of your life is changing that internal thermostat setting. So that's what we're going to talk about some strategies on today. Just being aware that you need to alter the thermostat is a life-changing, liberating condition. I cover this in very specific detail and hashtag Max Out Your Life, my book.

52:52It's a quick read, 100 pages. I wrote it so that every page has strategies on it, no fluff. If you want the book, go to maxoutbook.com. If you put in the code maxout, I'll buy the book for you. So I cover this in detail there, but I want to cover it in detail right now with you as well What you need to be doing is becoming aware of how important it is that you adjust this thermostat setting as You produce better results as you start to learn new skills and strategies and tactics See you can move from an average business into an extraordinary business with incredible opportunity But you will produce the same results you're getting in the average business if you don't change that thermostat setting up to 95 or 100 or 120 degrees of what you believe you're worth, the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs you hold true to be about yourself.

53:34So it is the regulator on our lives. And it's the main thing I work on with my private coaching, with some of the elite performers I work with in business and athletics and entertainment and politics is me working with them on changing that internal thermostat where we can heat it higher and higher and higher so that they can produce the results and the conditions of their life stay and exceed those levels all the time in fact in my own life I'm always working on my self-confidence I'm working on my tactics and strategies my ability to influence right my thoughts all of those different things but the thing I'm most obsessed about that I know is gonna get me to the ultimate version of me is constantly elevating the temperature in the areas that matter to me adjusting that thermostat setting higher and higher and higher and higher so that I can get those conditions to match it because it always will you will always get your thermostat setting always in your life so can I give you any insights as to how to change that thermostat setting I can let me give you a couple the most powerful way and the easiest way to change your thermostat setting is by adding people to your circle very close proximity that live at a higher temperature in that area than you do for example in your faith let's just say you're a 75 degree or in your faith you've already seen this you can't possibly begin to regularly associate with good godly people who pray regularly who try to live righteously and they're at 110 120 degrees of of faith in their life and not have that proximity heat you up now you won't get to where they are you'll get to somewhere between where you are at 75 degrees and they are at 110 over time you become a hundred degree and you alter the thermostat setting through association Same in business if you and I were to hang around each other every single day And let's say you were a 75 degree or in business hypothetically and I don't know that about you But let's just say you were and I was a hundred and fifty degree or and we hung around each other all the time Don't you think through that association regular especially if you had two or three or four people like me in your life That just over time you don't even feel it.

55:32You're at 80. You're at 85. You're at 90. You're at 95 And that's where you are. We understand the power of this with our children because we know at school the teachers have influence over them they're mentors but the people that really have influence over our children are their friends because they're around them all the time and so we know it sets their temperature this is true in fitness if you're a 75 degree of fitness and every meal every day at the gym all your associations hypothetically speaking were with someone who was shredded and fit the way you wanted to look at 150 degrees you know over time you get heated up and so you can't be with someone every day you can't be with them all the time but the key is to get more proximity in the areas that matter with people whose thermostat setting is higher than yours I am a product you are listening to me right now because I've been so obsessed with this concept of adding new associations to my life that live in the areas that I want to improve in at higher temperatures than me it's my obsession to this day I'll give you a secret one of the reasons I even do my show is I know that I'm influencing many of these guests in the areas that matter most to them through our proximity and in some cases they do it for me and so I'm obsessed with the power of association but I don't just associate see all personal says yeah you're the five people you hang around kinda you really are the five to ten people you hang around if you're conscious all the time of studying them of observing them of asking questions of the fact that you should be altering your thermostat setting that's when it really moves it's not just hanging around it's consciously and intentionally spending time with people where you allow it to impact you where you study them where you really observe them where you're open to their influence there has to be a level of trust before you can do that where you surrender yourself to them but it's not just being around them it's intentionally being around people that alters that thermostat setting so power of association is the main way to do it Second way to alter your identity is in a short window of time behave completely differently in a 30-day window of time in your fitness life You shock your system into eating or training completely differently than you used to or in your business life You make a hundred times more phone calls a hundred more contacts You do something in a very short window of time that shocks you into believing my gosh I could never go back where I was before you trick your brain into believing you're different.

57:58There's this part of our brain that always wants to be consistent with what we're worth. Well, if in a short window of time, I begin to behave completely differently, your brain begins to believe you deserve something differently. When you begin to do the things nobody else is willing to do, you begin to believe you deserve the results nobody else deserves to get. This is important also because it changes the waterline. It's almost like a waterline in the pool. If you raise it, it leaves a new mark. Have you ever seen that before in a lake or a pool? You raise the waterline in a short window of time And it just changes the mark in your life.

58:27It changes the thermostat setting so you can alter things in your life in short bursts And I do this often in an area where I really need to change like right now. I just started back on a really Seriously deeply committed fitness journey. I want to get back and past where I've ever been in fitness in my life So I'm gonna add some of these new associations I'm gonna train with a new group of people because I've been training alone I'm going back to training with some people that are fitter than me men and women that are fitter than me That's my first combination that'll alter my thermostat setting our proximity and secondly, I'm going psycho the next 30 days I'm going psycho.

59:02I'm altering my nutrition and my diet Dramatically my workouts dramatically and I'm gonna shock my system in the next 30 days into changing the waterline Changing that temperature setting that's the second way you alter identity alter the thermostat setting so that you alter the external results I've said this to you before as well. See beliefs are so important to guard because once you have a belief your brain goes to work I've said this in another audio video where your brain has to go to work to prove your beliefs to be true your brain literally goes to work on finding the evidence to prove you right and so that identity you're constantly reinforcing it let me give you an example of what I mean if you believe a certain worth about yourself a certain identity that impacts the type of action you're willing to take so if there's a goal you've got set it doesn't matter what it is pick a goal to the extent that you believe it's consistent with your identity is to the extent that you will make an effort towards it it's a self-fulfilling prophecy however because what happens is if your identity is here and the goal is there you will only make an effort congruent with what you believe you're worth and so that limited effort you make produces the result not consistent and it reinforces the belief it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy so you set a goal that is inconsistent with an identity you're working on.

1:00:21You will only make an effort consistent with the identity, which will get you to here, doesn't produce the result, and it reinforces this belief you have about yourself. So it's important as you set new goals, as you set new visions, that you also upgrade your identity simultaneously. You're in process of upgrading it because that identity impacts the effort you make, right? Impacts the will you put towards it, and that will is reinforced by the lack of result and so it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy so your mind has this belief it wants to prove to be true and it starts to find references so if you believe you're 75 degrees it's going to start finding legs to put under that table to make it immobile so it can't move to prove you right and so our identity equals our effort and the challenge is that effort produces the result and so this identity has everything to do with the effort you make which produces the result which will reinforce the identity or the lack thereof so it's critical that you upgrade identity with your new visions and goals the next layer of this is you need to stop what's no longer needed in other words there were behaviors and thoughts you've had in the past that were needed to produce the results you currently have but you need to stop what's no longer needed maybe you're continuing a behavior in your life that's no longer needed Maybe you're continuing a thought or a worry that at one time was needed but no longer is Maybe there's a stress or an anxiety or a belief you're holding true to be about yourself That maybe you needed at some point in your life that you no longer need It could be something to protect yourself from fear to protect yourself from harm or to serve you in getting through a certain circumstance But if we're not conscious of Dropping a thought or a behavior that's no longer needed.

1:02:07We take old thoughts old behaviors that serve an old version of ourselves into trying to become the new version of ourselves. So ask yourself that question. What do I need to drop that's no longer needed? Is it a person? Is it a thought? Is it a behavior? Or is it an emotion? One of those things you probably are carrying with you from the past that maybe you needed to get through a circumstance. Maybe you needed to get through a relationship, through a setback, through a failure, or just to produce the results you currently get but that thought that behavior that emotion that person is no longer needed for you to go to the next level of your identity the next level of your performance the next level of yourself and then finally is this if you're stuck you're stuck in a story that's where you're stuck there's a story you're telling yourself that doesn't serve you anymore and you have to evaluate what that story is I'm serious right now if you say Ed I'm kind of stuck where I am well what you need to do is you need to alter your associations you need to do something in a short window of time no question about it you definitely need to evaluate what is no longer needed and evaluate the story you're telling yourself there's all kinds of stories we tell ourselves that don't serve us anymore this is critical maybe it's a story about your past a story about your parents a story about a previous relationship a story about a success you used to have you keep talking about that doesn't serve you to get to the next level if I can be real with you whatever you've achieved up to this point that story you keep talking about every second you spend in that old story about what you've achieved your degree some business you had one thing you were real successful at in the past every time you live in that story you're stripping time and focus from the new story what's the new story you're telling yourself you can't have a new identity without a new story what's the old story you keep repeating maybe it's not a success.

1:03:58Maybe it's a failure that you've had. It was a business setback. It was the market turned. It was the economy. It was someone who did you wrong, a relationship that let you down, a business partner who wasn't consistent, a failure you've had, a poor decision you made, a mistake you made in your life. And you're repeating this story to yourself simultaneously trying to create a new identity. You can't take that old story into the new identity. One of the things we have to do to create a new identity is to begin to tell a new story. What's your new story? Who are you now? What are you all about now?

1:04:32Where are you going now? What's this new version of you? See, here's what's amazing. At any point in your life, you can just decide to write a new script. You can decide to become a whole new character. See, the leading character in the story of your life is you. And guess what? You and God control the script. You can write a new script at any time you want. Listen to me. At any time you want, You can simply decide to be a new character. I'm strong now. I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm bold now I'm funny now. I'm smart now. I'm going there now Stop telling the old story. Here's the truth.

1:05:10Nobody cares. No one cares if you had a failure No one cares if you've had a setback No one cares if you had a victory and none of those failures none of those setbacks none of those victories And that old character you keep playing is the very thing that will prevent you from becoming this new version of you it's a story if you're stuck it's an old story you're telling with an old character that was last year's version last decades version who's the new character what's the new script what's the new story I must tell you I have a lot of weaknesses a lot of things I do that don't serve me but this identity thing I get this it's the key now there's a lot of little mini things in life that matter there's never one thing if you said what's the key I can tell you it's my addiction and my obsession to working on my identity it's the thought of mine that dominates most of my thinking that's number one so I'm conscious of the concept that's huge just being aware of the concept will put you light years ahead of ninety nine point nine percent of it just awareness of the power of identity just now you knowing about the thermostat puts you in the point 1 % of all the people on the spinning earth right now and then the next thing I'm really focused on is always adding people to my life in the areas that matter to me that live at higher temperatures than me the second thing is I'm constantly doing things in short bursts of time to change the waterline I'm also super obsessed with dropping what's no longer needed there were certain things I needed to think and do and say or people I needed to be around, emotions I needed to have that got me to the place I'm currently at.

1:06:49I'm evaluating all the time. What is no longer needed? What emotion, what anxiety, what thought, what belief, what person, what behavior is no longer needed in my life? And then lastly, I never tell the old story. I don't like telling the old story. I'm constantly trying to write the new script, become the new character in my life and it could just be the new emotions it could be the new beliefs I have it could be the new story the new place I'm moving but I'm constantly retelling a new story all the time I'm constantly obsessed with writing the next chapter of my life not reading the previous ones the happiest and most fulfilled people don't read the past chapters of their life whether they're good or bad they are writing new ones all the time these are the keys of changing the internal thermostat of our lives and ultimately are the keys of changing the external circumstances of our lives.

1:07:44I know today helped you. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Here's the thing. If you're feeling helpless, one of the antidotes to feeling helpless is to get more helpful. And one of the ways you can be most helpful is to raise your own identity. Our identity is the core part of our lives. We're not going to outperform our identity. Our identity best said is it's the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs we hold to be the most true about ourselves.

1:08:17It's really the invisible force in all of our lives that holds us back or can accelerate our success, our bliss, our achievements to whole new levels. If you look at identity, if you think about it, it's almost like it's a life thermostat. See in this room right now there's a thermostat sitting on that wall right now And if it's set at 75 degrees this room is going to be regulated to 75 degrees No matter what the external conditions are it could be a hundred degrees outside The external factors do not impact the internal thermostat in this room at 75 degrees Consequently also if it was 40 degrees outside the heater will come on it'll heat this room to 75 degrees That's how your identity works It's the internal thermostat of your life And that's why very often let's say that you know relationships or financially you're a 75 degree And if you ever notice in your life as you start to heat life up a little bit starts to go pretty well maybe your relationships blissful and loving and incredible or Financially you've increased your results.

1:09:12You're at 80 85 90 100 degrees of success financially or in business And then it just seems coincidental, but somehow some way The air conditioner kicks on in our lives, you know a car breaks down an event happens we lose an account, something takes place, and all of a sudden we look up and boom, life's back at 75 degrees of relationship, of money, of business. That wasn't by coincidence. It is the regulator of your life, is your identity. And so you can do all the right things, all the activities, all of the thinking, all of the execution part, but if you don't increase what you believe you're worth, if you don't increase that identity, that thermostat of your life, you will find a way to cool your life back down to what you believe you deserve.

1:09:53And so one of the keys for me in my life It's not just getting better at the mindset of life and the execution of business or strategy, but raising that identity so that I'm at 85, 90, 100, 120 degrees, so that I believe I'm worthy as my execution and my thinking reaches the same level, that thermostat setting, that life setting will change. It's not the external conditions of our life that dictate the terms. It's that identity. It's that thermostat setting. So we got to get more helpful if we feel helpless and the way we do that is by increasing our own identity that thermostat setting that sounds great doesn't it so how do you do that well I call it the holy trilogy of shifting one's identity and that is faith intention and association that's the three things you must work on in order to increase your thermostat setting number one faith for me it's the center part of my life is that I have a God who loves me that believes in me that wants to see me successful wants to see me prosper wants to have favor in my life, wants me to feel comfort and peace.

1:10:54And so I find oftentimes it's interesting people of faith sometimes God's in their life Sunday at church when they're worshiping or they're in Bible study or when they're eating a meal, they'll pray over it. But somehow when they walk into a business meeting, a speech, a boardroom, a client environment, they leave God at the door and they think they're on their own. So for me, if you're a person of faith and God is with you all the time and he loves you all the time and he comforts you all the time, that includes business. That includes every area of your life. It includes him wanting to bless you with a great relationship, bless you financially Bless you to the best of your abilities in business and then whatever the other if you're an athlete watching this bless you And that at bat over that pot catching that football hitting that shot And so number one source of shifting your thermostat setting is reconnecting again with your faith and allowing yourself to feel it Inside all the other environments that exist Then there's number two.

1:11:45There's your intentions See, I don't think enough people give themselves credit for having great intention There's a power to intention in our lives And so what most of us think is I'll feel better about myself or I'll be more confident when When I get that job when I get that relationship when I get this amount of money when I get that house When I hit that home run when I'm hitting a certain average Right, and so you're always chasing your tail if your identity and your confidence is contingent upon producing a result that has not yet Existed it's pretty difficult to catch it isn't if you have to have it to get it in the first place instead of saying, maybe I ought to get credit and I ought to be worthy of more because I intend to do well.

1:12:24As a young man in business, I started to figure out, you know, I may not have all the answers. I may not be the smartest, the best looking, the most articulate. My IQ isn't 250, but I intend to serve. I intend to make a difference. I make mistakes, but overall, I'm a good person who wants to do good in the world and I should be favored because of that. Not enough of you are giving yourself credit for your intentions You want to shift your identity overnight connect with your faith. You want to double shift it connect with your intentions So when I go into a business meeting or I go into a lunch or i'm going into any type of encounter Even in my golf life when my sport I play I remind myself that i've got a god who loves me who wants me to win Who wants me to be blessed who wants me to be favored who wants me to feel peace number two I intend to do good.

1:13:09I'm a decent human being and you know what good things ought to happen to good people and then third is association you are who you hang around see if you're a 85 degree or 75 degree or financially but you start hanging around someone say like myself who lives at 140 150 degrees of finances and wealth and abundance you will get heated up by proximity to somewhere in between the two of us and a lot closer to where i am than where you are same thing in relationships if you want to have a great loving relationship in your life but you're living at 75 degrees in your relationships, you start hanging around people who are in loving, beautiful relationships, your thermostat setting will increase.

1:13:45Same within your faith life. If you want to start walking with more faith in your 75 degrees of faith, if you start hanging around people who walk their faith life at 100, 150 degrees, you'll be heated up through proximity. And so these are the three things we do in order to shift our lives. Our identity is the governor on our life. It is the most powerful force in the world. It's the invisible force that governs everything is that thermostat that setting. And then if that's true, the way we shift it is always going to be our faith, our intentions, and our associations. And those associations are so huge.

1:14:16I know you've all heard you're, you know, you're the product of who you hang around the most often, but look at the last 90 days of your life. Okay. And ask yourself this question, other than say your spouse or children, who are the two or three, four people you've spent the most time with? Picture their faces and their lives right now. And then I want you to measure one thing. What's their emotional maturity like? See, what I find with all successful people is they have a degree of emotional maturity that other people are absent of. So I always measure what's their emotional maturity? How do they handle success?

1:14:45How do they handle failure? How do they handle their lives? Then ask yourself this, these three or four people you've been around, can you immediately name two or three things that they have in their life in an area that matters to you? Let's say it's money. Let's just say it was money that they have that you don't have that you wish you did have or in relationships? Can you name two or three things in their relationships that they have that you wish you had or in business or in their physical body? And if you can't immediately go, yeah, they got two, three, four things, man, I would love to have that in my life, then I'm not so sure that that's the person you ought to spend the most time with.

1:15:21The reverse question is also, hey, can you name two or three things they have that you definitely don't want? When you look at their financial life, if finances are important to you, do they have two or three things going on in their life financially that you definitely want no part of? Or in their relationship life, you know, if you want a better relationship, if you look at the relationship, there are two or three things like I wouldn't want that relationship. I don't like the way he or she treats them or they get treated. You can look at that or their physical body. You want to be in really great shape.

1:15:44You look at them. Do they have two or three things about their health or wellness that you don't think are really great? Well, that's an immediate sign. Maybe they're the wrong people. And so taking an evaluation of who your associations are. Are they emotionally mature? Do they have the two or three things you would like to have in your life they have in theirs that you'd like to get heated up and get? or do they have two or three things you want to avoid? These are signs that you should be away from them. So the way we get more helpful is we increase our identity and we increase our identity by working on our faith, our intention, and our associations.

1:16:15If you do those three things, I believe you're gonna live happier. You're gonna help other people become happier. You're gonna make a contribution in people's lives that's deeper and more meaningful than you've ever made before. And by the way, lastly, that's what you were put here to do. You were put here, you were born to do something great with your life in small ways and big ways. You were made to do something awesome with your life. Maybe not all of it's going to get limelight or notoriety, but you were born to make a difference in the world. And the more you realize that, the more you step into your intention, the more you step into the person you're capable of becoming, the more you just decide, I'm raising that thermostat setting.

1:16:50I'm no longer this other character I was playing. At any point, you and God are the authors of your life. You can grab the pen and start to write a new chapter and say i'm stepping into this new character their identity's higher they're more faithful they're focused on their intentions more often they improve their associations and they help people well i hope i'm doing that for you this is the end my life show