Stop Hiding From Yourself w/ Dr. G

23:35If your belly's relaxed, your shoulders are down and you're breathing into your belly, you're in your tent in safety or you're in your cave in safety. So good. Right? So if we use our mouth, right, oftentimes that's going to be the same thing. If we see the bear, we're going to go, we're going to suck in. If we're not going to go, we're going to suck in all the air from our mouth and we're either going to freeze or sprint. You're a big guy, but you ain't fighting the bear. You and I are going to run real fast, right? That's right. High school track type stuff, right? Yes. So when we're breathing into the mouth and sucking all that air, that's putting us in the sympathetic.

24:09So this is where you talk about that nose breathe. The grounding is really powerful when you're breathing in and then breathing out even longer. That's a perfect way to ground yourself. Let's say you're feeling - Breathe out through the mouth? No, through the nose. Both through the nose. In through the nose, out through the nose. Out through the nose, but longer out, longer exhales. That's a great way to ground yourself while paying attention to your belly. Is your belly relaxed? are your shoulders down. So let's say you're about to get on stage and you hate public speaking, you know, put some earplugs on or go into your car, close your eyes, relax your belly, put your shoulders down, do a breathe in maybe for three and then a breathe out for six.

24:46Do that 10, 15 times. You're already going to be in a grounded state. You're going to be nervous, but not as nervous as you were. Whereas if you really want to activate yourself, suck in your stomach, breathe into your chest, breathe, use, go through the mouth, suck in all this air and then breathe out shorter, long inhalations, shorter exhalations. That's a way to activate. This is why breath works, a lot of breath works go, go, right? Breathe in, short out, breathe in, short out. You're activating the sympathetic. And this is where we go to when emotions start moving. Because usually when there's an intense charge of emotion, we have to be in that sympathetic state, right?

25:20Like when we're going to cry, we're not just going to be chilling and then out of nowhere cry. We're going to be, right? So both work. Most of us are in sympathetic. So we really need to ground ourselves every day. Like I know it worked for you. Do it in the mornings or do it, do it midday. Right. When you're in that tornado work, that's right. Five, 10 minutes, you're back to grounded. You're good for the afternoon. Brother, it's brilliant work. I have to tell you that, uh, I teach the mouth breathing and short breathing with my athletes who need to get in a peak sympathetic state to go compete or go to combat or go to whatever.

25:51But when I'm teaching people to, we won't talk about it today, but your CRV and everything, your heart and brain coherence is the type of breathing that he's describing through the nose and out through the nose again, as I really work. Now you use the word grounding. I want to talk about literal grounding. Now, most people don't even know what that term means, but one of the things I live at the beach, but I also fly a lot. And one of the things you recommend is actual doing actual grounding with your feet. And I think people just take this stuff for granted, but I know in my body, I'm Really, I guess I am maybe becoming more in tune with my body because I feel so much better.

26:26I mean, instantly when I take my shoes off and I can be outside on the earth and I'm grounding. So can you tell them a little bit about what, and by the way, might as well also add to that why inside someone's house, they shouldn't wear shoes from, from health benefits. Just overall talk about having your shoes off and ground. My brother, this is sometimes grounding is too free to believe or it's too good to believe. but what intelligence that we are around what body intelligence what wisdom that we are conductive beings and the earth literally has the things we need in order to reduce inflammation increase our nervous system reduce blood sugar increase antioxidants brain health balance of parasympathetic and sympathetic right whoa you mean to tell me my nervous system can be balanced if i put my feet on the ground yeah that's the reason you feel so much better every morning i take off my shoes every morning, I'm in my front yard.

27:19There's people walking their dogs and I'm doing Tai Chi or I'm moving my body, right? Just loosening my joints. And it's so important. You will find the more that you get into a grounding state, if you have any of these trackers, like your whoops or your aura rings, you're going to find things are going to get better. Your heart rate variability will get better. Your sleep will get better. It's so free and so amazing. And it's not on some hippie stuff. There's evidence to this. And when you read the evidence, you're like, whoa, like this is like day and night. Now, to contrast that, putting on shoes, rubber is stopping the conductivity from the ground.

27:57Should you wear shoes at home? No, no. We know that shoes track in feces, germs. Yeah. But also pesticides, the stuff that we really need to watch out for. It's not only in our food, but it's unfortunately all over the environment. So we're picking it up, tracking it. And there's different studies that show that there's actually not a negligible amount, but a significant amount of crap, literally, and pesticides that we bring into our home that can be affecting our health. So, look, your grandma was right. Your auntie was right. Take off your shoes. Go and everyone, even the cleaning people, the mechanics or the maintenance people, they take off their shoes.

28:35Everyone got booties on. You ain't coming to my house with no shoes. Seriously. Yeah. So, one, there's the, I'll call it germ effect, whatever we want to call that. But the other one, you guys, of putting your feet on the ground with no shoes on. It seems so darn basic. By the way, all of you that have done it as a kid, you're like, that does feel better. It does. And you don't give yourself the gift of doing it. I find, by the way, for whatever reason, the closer I am to the water, for some reason, it's even stronger for me. I don't know if the vibrational frequency is different. It's absolutely stronger.

29:01Is it really? This is why the beach is... How many people... That's why people love the beach. Because if you think about it, what do we really like about sand? It gets in your food. It gets in your toes. It gets in your eyes. What is it that we must like? So that's what we like. Dude, this is, this is how many people are pissed, go to the beach and still pissed. There's a reason we're grounding. We are, we are evolutionarily seeing bodies of water that are, that our body is coherent to. So literally our nervous system gets coherent to the waves. Right. And on top of that, the closer you get, you're getting a wave of negative ions, just like from the ground, but now from the water.

29:35Every Wednesday, my friends and I go to the beach and we jump in the water. We do it. We have a dip club. every Wednesday. And for that reason, not only community, grounding, nature, seeing the horizon, seeing the sunset, getting the sun signals, and we're getting the negative ions. Everyone is on cloud nine after. This is so good. You know, you think about it. Very few people leave the beach mad. I bet if they did a study, I'm sure there's been fights at beaches. There has been. But I bet of all the locations on Earth, it's one of the least violent fighting environments on the planet. It has to be.

30:06Think about how many fights there should be at the beach. there's hundreds of people all within inches each other everyone's body showing every dude's checking out every girl loud music loud music drinking there should be tons of fights at the beach but there's not but there isn't they keep it to the boardwalk it's not on the beach like sacred ground i actually think that there's some data to support this stuff for sure all right a couple other things by the way i told you guys i told you i just told you you're already sharing this and writing this stuff down and we're gonna go back into some other stuff in a second as well But I've become more and more fascinated with the gut, with the microbiome as well.

30:43And I want you to talk a little bit about that relationship in the body as well. And then also, I'm going to add to it, your work about colors in food. By the way, I told you, I prepped for you, brother. You did, man. You went deep. Well, I love your work. I said this is more for me today than anything. But talk about the gut a little bit, how that has a connected, obviously, negative or positive benefit to the body and our mind, our spirit, and also food colors. Yeah, 100%. So now we're going into that physical realm of gut and gut health. And it's crazy. When I came out of school, we were talking about gut health.

31:22Years later, 10, 12 years later, it's blown up that there's always new data coming out and it's becoming more and more expansive and exotic. We're like, whoa, wait a minute. This disease is connected to your gut health. This emotional state or mental state is connected to your gut health. We know that anxiety and depression has a role with our gut dysbiosis. How inflamed or imbalanced is our native gut species to the pathological gut species? Unfortunately, the food system has lended itself to imbalancing our gut. But it's not only the food system. It's not only just eating crappy food. It's also your mental state.

32:00But it's also coming, again, tied to emotions. If you're in a sympathetic state, that is changing your gut ecology over time. If you're in a sympathetic inflammatory state, it's not nurturing your gut. Your body doesn't even care about nutrient absorption. Your body does not even care in that moment about your digestive system working to optimal levels. It cares about getting blood to your muscles. It cares about your brain being focused enough to get you away to survive. That's it. It doesn't even care about reproduction. So we have to think about our gut ecology. This is where the nutrition piece comes in, right?

32:34I said, if you're doing the things nutritionally, you're working out, you have the good connections community, but you have the emotional repression, it's all for naught. It really is. You need to look at the emotions.

32:47but also you got to be eating good fiber, man. I've always been on the fiber train, man. And there's a lot of doctors out there that are super pro fiber. And then there's a lot that are super no fiber and just meat. How you eat, how you eat. But I really, really think that it's irresponsible to look at fiber as a part of your diet that should be just thrown away in the garbage. I agree. Fiber is so powerful for the body, so powerful, but most powerful for your gut ecology. Those beneficial bacteria, oh, they are consuming that fiber. They're having a New Year's party every time you eat fiber. And on top of that, they're giving you back very specific nutrients.

33:29They're helping break down, produce micronutrients, right? And also giving you short-chain fatty acids that are going to your brain, and then your brain health is better. I'm sure you've had someone talk about this stuff and we know about this, but I would say fiber is so, so important. What are you going to get fiber from plants? And when I started, I came out of school, I love nutrition. And I still love nutrition, but I really loved it. And I was talking about plants, all the colors of the rainbow. Right. And this is still as important. I don't care how many diets came out since. It's still classically important.

34:00And there's so much data to support it. Plants are some of the healthiest foods. We have beans, legumes, amazing stuff. But when we think about colors of the rainbow, that's our format. We want to think a rule of thumb when we're going to the supermarket. By the time you're checking out, look at the colors of the rainbow. Do you have a mango, an orange, lettuce, maybe an eggplant, blueberries, right? Do you have red, orange, blue, violet, green? All of the colors of the rainbow. Why? because each color pattern is giving us very different nutrients, antioxidants, carotenoids, anthocyanidins. They're working in the body as anti-inflammatories, as antioxidants, but also different parts of the body are benefiting even more.

34:45It has a systemic effect. But heart, brain, kidneys, gut, this is why we can't just be like, I'm going to eat healthy, I just eat kale. I'm going to eat healthy, I just eat kale and zucchini. No, man, you need to have that variety. not only in colors, but also just in foods. You want to make sure you have that abundance of foods. The healthier your gut is, the more variety you can have in foods. The healthier your gut is, the different colors you can have in foods without having reactions, quote unquote. Got you. Yeah, I evaluated that. I eat meat. Obviously, I eat a lot of protein. And I was like, but I get a lot of greens.

35:22Yeah. And I think a lot of people that eat meat or that are trained physically think, well, I nailed the vegetable thing. but the truth is first off I need to go to the grocery store more and actually experience that but the other part of it is like there's not a lot of colors and when I saw your work I'm like I don't got any blues I don't got any reds I have no oranges I don't any of that stuff I got green and meat right right I got green and meat and I think I like I think in my case a lot of people listening like well I'm better than just people that eat chicken and meat all the time throwing some green in there I've got some fiber at least but it's it's something that I haven't done and And it's one of my takeaways in preparing for this interview is like, I need more colors of the rainbow in my nutritional program.

36:00For sure, man. For sure. Think about it. Everything has, like I said, an affinity for different organs. So there's, listen, I remember I was really into fitness in college and I was eating chicken, rice, broccoli, pretty much for every single meal. Maybe some oats, maybe some eggs. And I get that whole fitness industries approach. But also let's add some colors, right? Let's get creative. Maybe you put a handful of blueberries, raspberries, one of the highest pound for pound fiber fruits out there. Put it in there. Put it in your breakfast. Put it in your shake. Put it in something. Mix it up.

36:34You're going to feel better. You're going to feel less inflamed. And different organs are going to get stronger. Again, it's a systemic effect. But again, these different colors have different affinities, right? Stronger eyes, stronger heart. You're so brilliant, by the way. I love being in your presence. I always say this, that the smartest people have an ability to take super complicated things that they understand on a complex level and translate it in a simple way so that people like I can understand it. But they don't have the need to be sound like the smartest person in the room, even though clearly with the two of us in the room, you're the smartest person in the room, right?

37:09Only for this stuff, man. No, brother. Listen, by the way, this is the most important stuff. So I'm going to go to some random stuff, which is super random. hip tightness. You did your research, man. You are the best research podcaster I have sat across, man. You did your research. And let me just say this. We talked about Zona Genius and we talked about the embodiment and this is what you do for all of your stuff, man. First of all, I was so bad at math. I was so bad at business. I have people around me that do that because they're so good at it, but you make me understand better. Thank you. I tell you what, you keep me alive and I'll help you with that stuff.

37:50Okay. Exactly. Exactly. So dude, it's, it's, and this is, this is, this, that's the connection. So hip, a lot of us don't even think about how tight our hips are. And I started talking about this cause I've seen close to a thousand people one-on-one they've came and they go, I want my emotions expressed. I want to heal. I want that, you know, okay, great. Let's go through it again. I ain't the healer. The body's the healer. I just opened the space for you to feel safe enough with yourself to express the true you, the one that society doesn't judge, the one that your parents didn't judge. Unfortunately, one of the most judged parts of us is sexuality.

38:32One of the most judged parts of us for men and women, my God, the hip tightness in men is we can't even dance and move our hips to the left and right because that's too feminine that's gay no no no no no right unless you're a latin man i was born that way yeah but but do you i i was just thinking of edwin areave my really good friend he's got some moves man he's got some hip looseness he's got some hip looseness we're born with that shout shout out to the latinos out there but you know i do live events right and there's a there's a dance session like we have everyone dance and i i always tune into the men the first dance session they are like robots, Wizard of Oz, Tin Men.

39:11Towards the end, they go through a lot of emotions and they're cracked open and they're moving fluidly. And I go, what happened in three hours? What changed? And they cried, they yelled, they cried some more, and then they were just more comfortable in their body. Hip tightness and hips, the root, the genitals, the lower back, they all tend to hold a very specific set of emotions that I see. And I always say the smartest people are open to being wrong and say, also, I don't know everything. And I don't. I'm learning a lot about this. The guilt, shame, and repressed sexuality are so manifested in the hips.

39:49And when I see a woman who has period pains, infertility, pain with sex, something's going on. Oftentimes, it's a repressed sexual authentic expression. I actually think this is the biggest wound in humanity is we are ashamed to proclaim our sexuality and, and whatever that looks like. Sure. Just to say, I'm a sexual being. Oh my God. And that's not evil. I'm a sexual being and I'm not being judged. It's okay. It's okay. And sexual being doesn't mean I'm sleeping with everyone, but it could mean that I just feel good as a man proclaiming I'm sexual, but I'm also soft and sensual. Right. Whoa. That doesn't mean that I'm too feminine or that doesn't mean that I'm seen in a way that I don't want to?

40:32I can be both? Yes, you can. And when you come to that truth, you notice that your body just feels better. Your hips feel better, right? Things open up. Now, I will say this. I will say this for women. There's oftentimes when there's tight hips also, if there's an abortion, a miscarriage, a rape, a molestation, a surgery, there's often anger and sadness also in the hips and the womb. That's very specific for women who've gone through that. They often hold that. but a lot of men have that fear of just being who you are, right? Because there's a lot, you ever see the Goop sex show? There was the sexual that went on Tantra and Body and they had the sex coaches?

41:10Absolutely. Yes. Okay. There was a scene where one of the men, all he knew was pornography sex. This is what men grew up on, right? This is all we know how to have sex. And this man, when they find, he was working with Jaya, the coach, and she was doing this energetic movement on him and he was connecting to his body and his body started shaking. He started crying. And I felt so deeply for that man. Cause I go, that man, all his life for however old he is, I think he was in his forties thought that sex was just intercourse and get it out of me. Yes. When in reality, his truth, his authentic sexual expression was a lot more energetic, meaning that he needed to connect.

41:49He needed to feel an energetic openness. He needed to stare at the eyes of his partner, right? Before they even, that was his foreplay. Instead, foreplay was pornographic foreplay. So he never felt fully authentically in his sexuality. And this is so important. And I can't understate this enough. Everyone listening, ask yourself, are you truly authentic in your sexual self? Forget parental, forget religion, forget everything. What is your true sexual self? Are you afraid to be who you are sexually? Are you more kinky? Are you more sexual? Are you more sensual? Are you more energetic? Who are you as a sexual being?

42:25Have you even thought about this? And can you express that safely and authentically with your partner or whoever it is? Notice how your body feels when you're in your authentic expression of sexuality. Oh my God, you are liberated. You feel so good and so yourself because it's such a deep wound that we hold. You have talked about even for you that that was your view of sexuality as well, right? Which I think takes a measure of courage for someone in your stature and position to say that. And when men are together amongst men, that's even ratcheted up more. And so this is really something to evaluate.

43:03And connected to that is shame. And a lot of your work involves this. Shame showing up in the body and then giving. This is profound, everyone. Listen really closely to this part. I want him to speak on because he's awesome at this. But there's this shame that can only be released by giving yourself some grace. Yeah. Right? And those two words resonate with me. I think even in my case, I'm open with my audience, I have shame about things that I'm not even sure what they are. Yeah. Meaning, I think growing up as a child, I had an alcoholic dad, as you know. There's a measure of shame that came with it that wasn't my doing.

43:47But I remember thinking, man, I don't want people to know our families like this. Yeah, yeah. And I would carry that to school with me every single day. Or when my dad was yelling, I remember thinking, they can hear him down the street in their house. They must think. So there's a measure of shame. Like, you can carry shame from things that aren't even your bags. And then, of course, there's your bags. You made a mistake. You didn't treat somebody well. You told a lie. You were human. And what Dr. G's work, you guys, is that this is stored in your body and your emotions, and it's going to show up until and if you give yourself some measure of grace.

44:24So and it has shown up for me in different ways in my life. And I'm at such an interesting time in my life. And it's the reason that your work resonates with me where I'm like, I do want to show up as me. The sexual me being more sensual. Absolutely. Just so whatever that is. Right. And in my personal life like this, being more authentic and transparent and vulnerable with people feels good to me. It actually feels good in my body when I do it. Feels good emotionally. I feel good about me when I do it. So talk about that relationship between shame and then in the body, the heart and then grace.

45:02Yeah. And thank you for sharing your background. I want everyone to notice when you feel awkward, that is shame. When you feel awkward, you're holding in, that's your shame being activated. Wow. Right? So think about it. How many of us feel awkward just when we see things, when we see someone expressing something that we want to express, but we judge them instead, right? Because we're triggered by them. Why are they dressed like that? I don't like how they're dressed. It's, oh my God, as a man or as a woman, you can't dress like that. The truth is, is that But the part of you that feels awkward and disconnected and wanting to just create distance and triggered by them, the truth is the inside of you, the part of you that wants to express like that is being shown.

45:42Now, I want you to think about it. Growing up in your household and feeling, oh, God, I don't want the neighbors to hear. I don't want the neighbors to hear. Is this too loud? This is too loud. Ironically, it's giving your body the signal that I can't be fully big, fully me. And it's crazy because you've created such a beautiful brand for yourself. It's helping so many people and you have this bigness to you. But I wonder how much more personally you walking the streets, you at a party, you walking through the office is even wanting to be expressed more of. And I can't understate this. The fascia in your body has no linearity of time.

46:21It doesn't care about past. It doesn't care about future. Meaning that that's why we talk about inner child. We're talking about our fascia. Our fascia remembers just like it happened one second ago. That's how deeply it is evolutionarily to our protection. So if you grew up in a household that had an alcoholic dad or alcoholic mom or bipolar, it's just not safe. And you have not done any work around that. You are not going to feel safe in your own body because your fascia believes that it's still in the same moment as it was 40, 50, 30, whatever years ago. So this is so important to understand.

46:59This is why it's protecting you. The fascia is always protecting you from the environment. This is why when there's someone raising their voice and getting loud and it's reminiscent of dad, there's a part of you that contracts. Jeez. Bro, can I interrupt?

47:18When I'm in a restaurant and someone's loud, it drives me nuts. Right. Nuts. And I'm always wondering, like, it doesn't bother anybody else at the table except me. Like, why are they being so loud? Because that sensitivity is in your fascia. Your body remembers as if it was yesterday. So any loudness is going to trigger you internally. Now, you're of rational mind. You're a grown man. And you're not going to go, okay, I'm going to shake and I'm going to cry. Or I'm going to be like, hey, shut up. Don't be so loud. You're going to be rational and be like, okay, hey, this is bothering me. But let's get back to the conversation.

47:48But guess what? You can stop listening, but your body's not. Your body's going to be contracted. You're going to get in your car. Are you going to get home and be like, I don't know why my back is hurting again. I don't know why I can't really breathe today. It's because your body's communicating with you. Hey, there's some things inside of you, whether it's anger that wants to be expressed for dad or sadness and pain. Why were you like this? Why? That needs to be expressed out of you. And that's everyone listening. When you feel awkward or feel triggered by someone else, that is your body talking to you.

48:17And you have two things you can do. You can either ignore it and judge them and be like, fuck them. or you can be like, why am I feeling this way in my body? There's something about this person, right? For me, and you said, I've been very open about this. Like I grew up in a place where we celebrated like frat living, right? Drinking, partying, Jersey shore. This is where I was. Like you've seen the show. That's real. Like that's what the consciousness is. Guys would celebrate sleeping with the most women at the end of the summer. I was in that tornado and there was a part of me that felt so inauthentic doing it because I knew I was much more soft.

48:54I knew I was much more gentle. I knew I was much more of, I want a connection. I've, I've always been more romantic. I grew up like that. Right. Like, but it was so hard not being that it was easy, easier being just one of the frat type frat guys. Right. So it took many years for me to come back to that place and go, hold on, wait, that's not too feminine, right? That's not too feminine. I can be sensual. I can move sensually. I can be slower. I can make love, not just fuck, right? And this is where so many men are, this is me. I got to get out of me. How do I? Instead of going, hold on, take a moment.

49:33What's true for you? And that's when we talk about the sexuality and sensuality. But shame is everything. You could be ashamed to just be big. You could be ashamed to take up space. You could be ashamed to do anything. thing. You could be ashamed when someone's angry and you don't want to get angry. Shame, that's why shame is such a iron blanket on our shoulders. And it puts our tails between our legs. And ultimately what that does is it holds back your authentic expression, which is ultimately the state of health that everyone, I want the world to be in is authentic expression. Because when you're in that state of health, you've told your body, I am me.

50:10And when you tell your body that Your nervous system is in harmony. You're immune. Your hormones. Your gut. You're able to eat what your body wants to because you know what you want to. And on top of that, you're giving to the world what you're here to do. Right? When you're in your authentic expression, just you being you shifts mountains. Just by you being me. You don't have to put in the work. You put in the work, but you don't have to push against the grain. You can just show up and flow and be like, this is me. And the words that I say that are authentic to me, why are they touching millions of people?

50:38It's because you're you. And people feel that. This is what you said in the beginning of the podcast before we started. You go, Dr. G, you say these things, but people feel you. People feel me because I'm coming from my authenticity. Bro, your work is so brilliant and profound. And I'm going to share with you, I'm going to confirm with what you just said. This last week, I was at a golf tournament, a celebrity golf tournament. I brought my son in it. And I want to make sure I say this the right way. but the night before the tournament I ended up in a long conversation with Caitlyn Jenner and I've watched Caitlyn's life when Caitlyn was Bruce yeah I'm old enough for that for the Olympics all the way through to this day and um I've always had a genuinely good feeling about her same time that issue I haven't been able to navigate my true feelings about first off I always want somebody to express them true selves, but all the way to men, biological men fighting women in sports, all these issues are very complicated for me.

51:40And I don't feel comfortable with that. And then does that mean I'm not supporting of trans people? You know, that whole dynamic. And so there's been a, I don't know what I would call it. There's a curiosity slash probably some assessment of Caitlin for me. And I ended up talking, we ended up talking for like an hour And I can genuinely say that it was one of the most enjoyable conversations of my lifetime. And it's one of the people that makes me emotional, actually, to say this. One of the people I have liked the most I have ever met in my life. Trans, non-trans, athlete, non-athlete, celeb, non-celeb.

52:19So much so that the next day we were at another event together. And we ended up sort of just gravitating to one another. She says, man, you keep showing up on my phone and all this motivational stuff. And I said, it's probably because we were talking and now the phone heard, you know, but we had this visit the next day. And then I watched how everyone responded and people filming her and this or that or the other thing. And I remember, I think the reason that I liked her so much is exactly what you just said, that assessment judgment, setting that aside, this person is their authentic self. And that overrides everything else that's the noise in someone's life.

52:57And I think that's a pretty extreme case of someone expressing their true selves who knew they were going to take enormous criticism, enormous blowback. And then even in the trans community, because Caitlin doesn't support all of the, you know, niche issues of trans people. And so, wow, what a gutsy person to come out as trans to change their their entire life and look and then at the same time say, and I'm not locked up and barrel with all of you either on some of my beliefs like that. But no matter if you, I'm not saying I agree, disagree with stances, positions, any of that stuff. What I'm saying is what overrode all that was this human being is their authentic self.

53:37Man, is that attractive. Man, was that interesting. So much so that I'm expressing it on my show right now, a week later. So I just want to make sure that I acknowledge, you guys, there is something to this. just being you and expressing you and being free to be you that is so attractive, so magnetic. So attractive and magnetic. That's the word. And in order to be you, you have to face the parts of you that are you that you don't want to look at. You have to go into the proverbial house, the body, and open that closet that is the angry you with horns and fangs and a tail. And you have to open up the closet and you have to see yourself on a fetal position crying, the heaviest tears you've ever cried or in another closet you shaking so scared of monsters when you were a kid whatever it is you have to see that in order for you to fully be you because ultimately you know you hear so many people go love yourself and i go what the fuck does that even mean yeah how do we even do that right essentially when we were children we are this full spectrum of expression we were that as kids we know that because we were the saddest of the sads and then a minute later jumping on the bed and the joy is to the joy and everything in between.

54:50We and self-help and motivation, we go, let's just look at the light and you got to be all of the loving, positive emotions, negative emotions, you know, go for a walk or do some breathing, meditate through them. No, man, you have to embody all parts of you until you embody all parts of you. You cannot use the word love for yourself. Unconditional love. You know, when people say it's a container, what does that mean? It means it's the container that holds all parts of you, the heaven and the hell, the dark, the light, all parts of you. And then once you hold yourself fully, you can hold another, you can hold a lover, you can hold your children.

55:28Then you've held so much of your deep grief and deep sadness for the shit that's happened in your life that when your child cries, they ain't triggering you. You don't have to say, stop crying. You can be with them fully open-hearted. You know how many women I see and they go, I love my dad. He provided and protected for us, but I never had an emotional connection to him. Why? It's because that man doesn't have an emotional connection to himself. He's never looked at the pain that he's holding. And until a man does that, it's going to be very difficult to have a deep connection with your wife and your daughter.

55:58So this is our responsibility as men. This is our responsibility as humans. And here's the biggest superpower all human beings have. We know. We have this awareness. Even if it's so turned up and we think we're unconscious, oh, we know. We know when we're not doing what our body wants to do. We know when I went, when I, we're not being authentic. We know when we're putting on a mask, we know, and we definitely know when people are doing it. This is why people can only fake people out for so long until things just stop working out for them. Right. But you can't, you can't just fake it out. At some point, people are going to be see through the bullshit.

56:32And this is why we buy stock in people who we go, that's the authenticity. I want stock in that. Whatever they're talking about, they're just being them and they're radiating from internal, external, and the external is aligning itself as the experience to them. Not internal, how do I show up for the world so everyone likes me? Bullshit. You got to be you and whoever likes you, they'll find their way to you. Brother, this needs to go everywhere when we're talking about it. I mean, how profound what you're just saying is, it's like, even if you don't even agree, what I was just talking about with Caitlin, you didn't even agree with the person's position or stance.

57:06There's something so attractive about somebody saying, this is who I am. And it's OK if you don't like me. And what ends up happening is there's a magnetism and affection and attraction to something that is real and true to somebody, even if it is like I have friends of mine that, you know, are super political. I'm really not that much, but like super left leaning, like, oh, my gosh. And then I get super right leaning. And they're both really great friends of mine because I know who they really are. and there's something awesome about that, even if I think they're both wacky. Yeah, that's a beautiful way to say it.

57:43And this is what was happening. Caitlin was only mirroring your authenticity. What you saw in her is you. So that shows you, there's parts of you that are dying to come out that that doesn't mean it has to be that. But there's parts of her, the authentic, the I'm big, I don't care who sees me. Maybe that's something in you that even more wants to be expressed. I think absolutely you're right. This is why we're attracted. This is why we're attracted to people who are being themselves unapologetically, not hurting people, but being them from their soul out to the world. I think you just explained why I was attracted to you.

58:21Yeah. I really do. I mean, I sought this man out, and now you all know why, right? And I told you, by the way, in the very beginning, I'm going to ask you one more question, that we could easily go three hours. Can you believe we've been doing this for about an hour now? I can't even believe this has been an hour, right? I mean, it's... just flown by for me. So the last piece I want to ask you is a hard question. I don't know if you've been asked this before, but part of your work is like surrender to what is, right? I've heard you say this statement before. So this is a hard question because I'm in both camps on that.

58:51There's parts of my life that I have to surrender that these are parts of me or these things have happened in my life and they're part of my journey and they weren't failures. They were lessons. They weren't experiences necessarily. They were also lessons. Same time, I want to know that I have the power to change things in my life as well. So how do you navigate? That's a hard one. How do you navigate, you know, surrendering to what is, but also holding on to the belief that progress and change is within me and in some case, my duty and responsibility. So how do you navigate those two things? Yeah, this is very important.

59:25I do both. You have to do both. When you surrender to what is, see emotions, let's go back to the emotions, won't move until you bring acknowledgement, awareness, and surrender to them. That's always a step in my practice when I work with people and myself. You have to bring awareness that you're tense. You have to bring awareness to that there's an emotion there, and you have to allow it. Surrender. You're there. You're allowed to be there. Because ultimately, just like people, emotions just want to be seen. They want to be seen that I'm here. You know I'm here. They're in that closet, and they just want you to open a closet and be like, hi, I'm here.

1:00:05I know I look scary, but I'm here. When you accept, acknowledge, and just surrender to what is, ironically, that's when things start shifting. The energy of resistance, you can push against it. You're going to tire out. You're going to go, okay, this is what it is. I'm going to change it and I'm going to grind and I'm going to go against it. You can do that. The human will is unprecedented. You can do that all your life, but you ain't going to feel good. You can also go, here's what is. I accept what is. It's a shitty situation. I grew up shitty. My current situation is shitty. Whatever it is, I'm going to accept it.

1:00:41I'm going to see it for what it is. But also I have the power to transmute that energy into something else, right? Just like you have the power to transmute repressed anger, for example, into that potency of clarity, of love, of empowerment, of boundaries, of all the things that you've been looking for, it's the same thing. When you allow it to express or let it be, just be, you're there. It's okay. I surrender. I want to heal, but first let me surrender that I'm sick. Right? Yeah. Let me surrender that, okay, I've been resisting that like my health isn't that good. Let me take a moment and be like, I'm not in the best of health.

1:01:18Ultimately, when you're saying that, you're telling your body now I'm ready to heal. So you have to do both. Bro, you're brilliant. I have a friend of mine that's in recovery right now. They're a few weeks into recovery. They're actually in rehab right now. That's exactly what they've done. They've surrendered. I have this problem. I've got this ailment. And once that surrender happens, now let's go to work on living a different life, on ridding myself of this ailment that's harming myself and so many other people around me. And I'm very proud of that friend that's doing that work. They're doing exactly, exactly verbatim how you just described it.

1:01:51The application of Dr. G's work, you guys, is so profound. I told you guys on camera that if he was a stock, I would buy him. I told him off camera, though, that when he speaks, I not only learn things, but I feel things. And unbelievably awesome conversation today. And I want to thank you for being here. And you and I are going to be friends for a long, long time. Hey, listen, I feel that energy already. There's an authenticity to you, man. There really is. Thank you. You are in your purpose and you're giving what your soul is meant to give to the world and more. There's more to you that I feel it wants to be like kicking down the door and be like, I'm here.

1:02:28Likewise, brother. And what everyone felt today was two people trying to make a difference in the world and being their best selves together. And when you do that alone, you're powerful. But when you find like-minded people that want to make a difference together, you can create magic. And this hour was magic. So thank you. everybody I want to ask you to please share this show with anybody and anyone that you care about make sure that you're following Dr. G on well let's go to his Instagram Dr. Gonzales and also you guys heal thyself podcast and Dr. Gonzales.com is his website thank you brother thank you so much man I appreciate it God bless you everybody max out your life this is the Ed Milet Show

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