STOP Trying To Change Others! People Change Only If They Want To - Ed Mylett

26:04And then by three years after that, they've overtaken Pizza Hut as the number one pizza company in the entire world. That is such a great example. And it's just one of these things. I'm always to reinforce points when they're being made. But this is something I think about when I'm trying to get my kids to do things, or even I'm in a sailing situation, or even with myself to get myself to make changes to take the easiest first steps, the path of least resistance. And the way you said it in the book, I'm like, my goodness, this is so true. Now, one of the things you say in the book, there's so much and by the way, the reason I'm going to cover some of this guys is I want you to get the book, right?

26:40But things like behavioral economics is discussed in the book, you know, the neuroscience of creating change. So it's not just like poofy stuff. It's poofy stuff and tangible stuff backed up by the scientific evidence of it, which is why the class I'm sure is like just so, so important, but to use concepts that people can remember too. What's this alligator and judge analogy that you use? Cause this is like, people won't forget it, right? I want to start out, we'll go to some complex stuff, but alligator judge, even a guy like Ed Milet can remember. So give us that. Yeah. It helps to give people visual concrete analogies, right?

27:14So that the gator represents our unconscious, intuitive, habitual, emotional system that like I was saying earlier, drives 95 % of our decisions and our behavior. And the judge represents the conscious, slow, rational, deliberate, effortful system that we think is in charge because it's conscious. And by definition, we just can't perceive the unconscious part. One of the tricky things about the relationship between these two systems, the judge and the gator is that influence goes one direction, almost exclusively from the gator to the judge. So when we, we have strong preferences, opinions, and feelings about other people, right.

28:02or things we do or don't want to do. And then we easily rationalize those preferences. But we can't talk ourselves into, say, like, do you have any kind of food that you hate, Ed? Yes. I cannot eat any type of broccoli whatsoever, which is terrible because it's good for you, but I don't like broccoli. Okay. So you hate broccoli. Is there any kind of rational argument that could influence you to love broccoli? No chance. No chance, right? It's possible you could be influenced in some way to eat broccoli through a rational argument, but you're never going to influence the way you feel through reason.

28:43Yes. Okay. Here's how brilliant that is. I actually eat broccoli. We're going to talk about this later in the show, but frankly, it's because of the way it was framed to me, which is something we're going to talk about a little bit later. I've been talking about framing for years, and then you take it to a whole new level. So the way it was framed to me has compelled me to be willing to take that action. And by the way, I do it in the path of least resistance, even though it's something that I would never tell you that I love doing because it's been framed to benefit me, which we'll talk about a little bit later as we go.

29:12So this is why her work is so awesome. I'm so curious to hear about how that happens. So we'll bookmark it. We will. We're going to go there. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. All right. Welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited to have my friend here today. This guy, he's perfect timing for me in my life. And so I know what we're going to discuss today is going to improve and change your life tremendously. And I just have this feeling I'm having him on again at the right time.

29:44So this gentleman's been on the show. I very rarely have people come back twice, but when they really, really help people, I do it. So very few times, only a couple I've done that. But my friend Trent Shelton is here today. Trent is an author. He's a podcaster. Straight up with Trent Shelton is his podcast. and I think I would just call him somebody who I guess a life strategist but I just think he helps people manage their lives better and I want him to help all of you do that today and I think he's the best at what he does so Trent Shelton welcome back to the show my brother yeah man I appreciate you man thanks for having me back it's good to see you it's good to be back on this epic podcast bro so thank you man now there's the so there's the angels in our life and then there's the people that aren't angels in our lives.

30:26This is part of that peace thing. Yeah. And everybody says all the time, Hey, remove toxic people from your life. But here's the truth. Almost nobody ever does it. Almost nobody does it. They just don't, they go, I'm going to get rid of these toxic people in my life. Yeah, but you don't, you don't. And I think, I don't know if it's a lack of courage or the ability to do it, or if people feel like, well, then I'm going to be alone. And that's worse than this toxic person in my life. But talk about, because you're just so profound about this, the way you say it, what do toxic people do to us? And then how do we find the strength to, do we remove them?

31:06Do we keep them at a distance? Like, what are your thoughts about toxic people stealing that piece I want this year, or we all want? Absolutely. I'll just, I'll just ask everybody this question. And this question seems a little bit straight up and harsh, but it's the reality. You know, if you're in a situation where your environment sucks, your environment's terrible. And I want to be clear, Ed, you know what I mean? Sometimes we're the toxic people. You know what I mean? Sometimes we got to look ourselves in the mirror and make sure we're not that person and take that responsibility. But once you understand that and you have the things around your life, you got to ask yourself, picture everything in your life as soil, right?

31:44Your environment is soil. The people that you're around, the places you take your life, everything is soiled. I believe that each and every one of us, we're a seed. We're a seed of greatness. We're a seed of goodness. We're a seed of a person being legendary. We have all of those qualities in us. I believe God made us that way. What happens is a lot of us, we put our seed in toxic soil and we wonder why we're not producing the right harvest for our life, right? We wonder why we're producing weed. We wonder why we're producing things that end up dying. So I want to ask the person listening to this right now is what type of soil are you putting your seed in?

32:28Because a great seed and bad soil will not produce good fruit, will not produce a good harvest. And you got to be real with yourself. Do you want to live the rest of your life unhappy? Do you want to die unhappy? Do you want to die miserable? Because like you said, a lot of people are afraid. They're afraid of confrontation. They're afraid of what people are going to say once they make that decision, because we know how it is. People will start to make you feel like you're the bad person, no matter what you have done for them. They'll point out all the things you didn't do and not all the things you did do.

32:58I think people are also, yeah, they're afraid to be alone, but you have to understand this about the journey. Sometimes it takes being perfectly lonely, because I say perfectly, to understand what being perfectly loved feels like. So it took me in my darkest moments, in my loneliest times to understand God's true love for my life. And once I realized the love that he had for me, once I realized how he created me, it became a lot easier. So I gained more confidence. I knew my worth and I went on this journey of being the greatest me. And one thing about the journey that's true, the journey will always be loyal to giving your life what it needs.

33:36So as I walk down the right path, yeah, it was lonely at first, as I'm climbing this mountain, I seen somebody else that was climbing the mountain in the same direction. I seen somebody else as I went a little higher, that was climbing the mountain in the right direction. And then you build this tribe of like mindsets. And so, you know, another illustration, just really quick, like, yeah, please. It's, it's like, I'll just put it like this. My neighbor, like two houses down, we're in Texas, right? We're like in Dallas, it's hot. So we moved here and my neighbor has like a palm tree and it was about fall time so the palm tree it looked good right and so when winter hit the palm tree was terrible right the palm tree was bad the palm tree withered away it died they had to cut the top off it looked terrible and it made me realize it's truth and I want people to understand this when you look at your life and you look at yourself as that palm tree right you're beautiful everybody wants you you're popular your popular tree but if you put yourself, right, if you put that palm tree in New York, that palm tree wouldn't ever reach its full potential.

34:40That palm tree wouldn't be a palm tree. It would be an ugly tree nobody would buy. But if you put that palm tree in Cali, you put that palm tree in Florida, you put that palm tree in Hawaii, you put that palm tree in Puerto Rico in the right environments, that palm tree flourishes. That palm tree looks beautiful. So with your life, yeah, you're that palm tree. You have all those great qualities. And if you're in the wrong environment, you will never meet the potential that your life has. Before we start, guys, let me tell you something. Factors made a big difference in my life. Just talking to one of my producers, he says, I just ordered with Factor.

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35:43It's never frozen. Ready in like two minutes. No prep, no stress. They're the best. Head to Factormeals.com slash MyLet50off. Use code MyLet50off to get 50 % off and free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor. New subscribers only. varies by plan, one free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active. K-Pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

36:21It is an honor to share. No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. I participate in McDonald's while supplies last. At the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I have been looking forward to this interview for a few weeks. Mutual friends of ours that turned me on to Alex.

36:58said you need to get with this young man and get him on your show and then when I dove into his content and his work I was blown away he is brilliant I don't say that very often when I introduce people I think he's probably got one of the highest IQs of anybody I've ever had on the show and his content as it relates to personal success and particularly entrepreneurship is very unique very special very detailed and I wish we had three hours today like other podcasts have because we could we could use that entire three hours and still have a bunch of time and stuff left over. So he is the host of The Game with Alex Ramosi on all these different platforms.

37:31He's a serial entrepreneur. By the way, he's built brick and mortar businesses, virtual businesses. He's written incredible books. He's got another one coming out. So Alex Ramosi, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for the introduction. I will do my very best to live up to it. You better live up to it. There are people listening to this right now that are failing. They're bleeding money and maybe they've just had a business shut down or the last two years has wiped them out a little bit or they're looking right now going, all right, I'm going to have to make a pivot. So you're a guy who had a lot of success building gyms.

38:00It was really, really going well as I understand it. You go over the next one, you pour all the juice from all the profits into the next one and you go bust. So there was a point where this man that I'm talking to right now, by the way, not that long ago was busted. You were broke. What did you do when you were on your ass? Were you on your ass mentally ever or was it just a physical being broke? And then what did you do to make a move? Because there's a lot of people right now, right where you were. I just focused on the controllable. So there was a lot of things that I felt like I could not control or that were circumstantial, et cetera.

38:31And so it was just, it was kind of like the simplicity thing of like, what are the few levers that I have at my disposal? And at the time I was like, I know how to market and I know how to sell. And so that's what I'm going to do. And so I, I, the, the, the story is crazy, but, um, I had a credit card left from all the businesses that I had sold and then lost all the money, but I still had the credit card and Amex, thank God, had not actually changed my credit limit. So I had a hundred thousand dollar credit card and I wanted to launch gym launch, which was like this turnaround business where we'd fly out to gyms.

39:02And so we had six guys that I had already recruited and I thought this cash was going to be there and it wasn't. And so I put$3 ,300 a day on a credit card and I only had a thousand dollars in my bank account. And so every day I was becoming$3 ,300 poor. And when we started that, I didn't even have a payment processor because we got shut down. And that was where the extra money was supposed to come from. And so we were, we were doing, you know, I had, it was 3 ,300 day in hotels, airfare, ad spend, rental car per diem food for all the sales guys who were out on the road, like doing the gym turnarounds.

39:30And I could not process the money that they were sending contracts over from. And so I'm seeing these contracts stack and stack and stack, and I had no way to process it. And I'm just watching this debt bill go up. And then, and I got a processor the last week of the month and it was only for 50 grand and we had like$300 ,000 in contracts and I had a hundred thousand expenses, but he's like, Hey, it's per month, which means on the first of next month, you can run another 50. And so I ran 50 on like the 28th of January. And then I ran 50 on February 1st. I got two more that week and got us another 50.

40:02So the two fifties back to back covered my a hundred K from the last month. And that was like, kind of like the, the plane coming under there's like way more of me about to lose it, like, and losing it again and again after that. but I can go as deep on that side as you want. Well, like where were you mentally? I mean, were you mentally when this happened? You're like, my dad was right. He's got me. Or were you like, still, I'm going to prove him wrong. Oh, I was, so I had made the decision that I would either die or I would succeed. And so I didn't know when it would happen. I just figured if I continued.

40:33So if there's one thing for the audience, for anyone who's going through it right now, like one of the thing that I would, the refrain, the repeated message that I had to myself over and over again was I cannot lose if I do not quit. And so it was, that was under my control. Then when I would talk about like controlling the controllable, like I could choose not to quit. And so if I could just have that, then it meant like, it was like this tiny little thing is like, if I don't quit, I didn't lose. It just means I still get to play. And when you think about like, I think, I can't remember if it was Aristotle's or Plato, but he says like, you shouldn't judge a man until the day he dies.

41:06And so, you know, you have an amazing life. And then the last five years, like everything goes and you get executed publicly. It's like, wow, would people say you'd a good life or a bad life? Like you can only judge after the man is dead. And so I also think about that within my own life now. Like when you think about like, what's the leverage for the next, for the next chapter, it's like, well, I'm not dead yet. And so I got to keep going. Cause that's what, you know, that's what we're going to look back on. And so I had this little thing that I could protect, which is my willpower. And it's just like, if I do not quit, I cannot lose.

41:33And so I was so afraid of losing that just not quitting became the one thing. And so if I just kept moving one foot at another, one phone call after another, one sales appointment after another, I knew that if I did that long enough, eventually it would turn around and I could myself out of the situation. Yeah. Wow. I, I'm blown away because I have equated only losing with quitting all of my life. And the reason for that is, I just want to share, cause we're going back and forth. When my dad, my dad was an alcoholic when he got sober, I said, dad, are you never going to drink again he goes I can't promise you that I'm just going to quit for one more day all right I'm not going to drink for one more day and many many times in my business I'm like I can't I am incapable mentally right now saying I'm never going to quit that's a like 80 year decision yeah based on a bunch of crap right now but I can decide not to quit for one more day and that means I have not yet lost I literally equated quitting with losing and so no matter how behind in the score I was I had not officially lost the game the clock has not run out until I go, I quit.

42:35And so I was still in the game. So this concept, I just, I love when someone says stuff and I put it through my life barometer, my meter. I'm like, nope, I did that. You're exactly right. I know someone who did that. You're exactly right. What a great answer. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. So I get asked all the time, how in the world did you go from having no running water in your apartment to living on the water, to living oceanfront, to have another home that's lakefront?

43:08How does somebody go from changing their conditions that dramatically in a pretty short window of time? And a lot of different things went into that. A lot of it was blessing. A lot of it was a lot of hard work, all kinds of mental changes that I made. But there's one area that I've not talked a lot about that I want to cover today that I think you need to know if you want to change the conditions of your life that way as well. So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me, but what was around my life.

43:35And the fact of the matter was, I did not have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, that lack of standard, got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't even have a car never mind electricity for a while and so it's very dangerous it was very dangerous for me for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking who I had around me they weren't bad people there's very few bad people they just weren't people who were going to get me going in my life where I knew I needed to go where I was born to go I had read all the books on personal development I learned about influence kind of learned how to change my state how to think differently been to a lot of the events that you go to why is it that so many people go to all these self-improvement, personal development, business events.

44:33They get all excited when they're there. They're ready to conquer the world. Then they get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal. And that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives. That's why. And so the reason you're so excited when you're at the event, the reason you're ready to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing. And so I had to start to address my environment. And environment is the place you are, but most importantly, your environment is the people that are around you. Because write this down, number one, in our lives, the most powerful force that I'm aware of in the world is to be consistent and congruent with the expectations of our peer group.

45:09Let me say that to you again. The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group. You're going to get out of life what the people around you expect of you. And so I had to begin to address who were the people around me and specifically what was the environment that I was in? Because number two, proximity is power. The closer somebody is to you, the more influence they have over you. That's why your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated at all given times. And people ask me, how do I get more spouse support or partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend support?

45:40I don't know that you're always going to get more support, and I don't even know that that's needed. But one thing that's a foundation of all relationships is, does this person believe in me? Most people love us. That's one thing. If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life? Not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us.

46:10We say, I want people to accept me as I am. And there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of you, There's there's nothing compelling you to go to the next version. There's no stimulus. It says I better change There's no discomfort because these people closest to us their proximity has influence over us So number one thing I want you to ask yourself is do the people around me believe in me? And if they don't that needs to be evaluated people say well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them? Well, maybe in some case I mean if they're antagonistic to you certainly But what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe in you or who will believe in you And if they don't believe in you perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life But one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people from my life But very few this is so critical to you becoming successful because your environmental game Is more important even than your mental game because it's what supports it And so I want you to evaluate a few things.

47:12Do they believe in me? Number two are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words when you're around them what do you find yourself talking the most about? Is it the past or the future? I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the present but most importantly the future. In other words I want people who are present with me so that when they're with me we're together. You know you have those friends who are constantly not present even though they're in your presence. We don't want that either. but if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference old stories old things remember when high school college previous date previous vacation previous business remember when constantly you know they're just always reminiscing or are they projecting me into the future if at least 75 of your conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around these are not people supporting your future they're supporting your past they're reinforcing your past.

48:08The more we talk about something, the more we reinforce its importance in our life. And so this is a very subtle thing. And I think even as I say it, you're going, whoa, they do love me. I think they might believe in me, but man, we talk about the past all the time. Well, this is somebody who's going to reinforce that state of your life. You need to add people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you. You know, you've heard about triggers before where you can learn in personal development that, you know, you snap your fingers, you put yourself in a state or you walk, you hear a song, it's a trigger, isn't it?

48:37You hear a song from some point in your life, it triggers a memory or a song you love right now that triggers you wanting to work out or move your body. So things are triggers. People are also triggers. And if there are people in your life, just by their proximity, trigger events that are prior in your life that didn't serve you just by being around them. They're a trigger. Humans are triggers. Do you have people that just when you see them, they trigger peace for you? They trigger joy. They trigger abundance. They trigger competing. They trigger intensity. They trigger belief. They trigger confidence.

49:11They trigger your desire to grow. Ask yourself what triggers these people are in your life. What do they trigger in you? And you begin to, you start to look at these things. You're going, wow, we have this group of friends who they accept me, but I don't know if they believe in me. Then I've got this other group of friends where they believe in me, but we're always talking about the past. And then you know what? They kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me, who do I have that's triggering my desire to grow? Who makes me uncomfortable? Who do I have? Like I kind of clean up the house before they come over.

49:42Who do I have where I get excited when I see them? Because not every conversation is the same. I don't know where it's going to go. You should have those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an important thing. But you said these other people who really don't accept this version of you. They believe in you so greatly, so much that they don't accept this version of you they don't accept this performance from you they don't accept this level of happiness abundance joy performance from you because they know how much more you're capable of who do you have like that in your life and the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because and i want you to write this down we get our standards in life we don't always get our goals we don't always even get what we focus on we end up ultimately getting what our standards are Standards dictate everything in life and the people around us help create that standard for example I was at a birthday party last night and The people sitting around me were all very fit people and dessert came it was birthday cake time and I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake But the first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their life And when their cheat days are their cheat meals are and all three people passed on it and immediately almost through peer pressure.

50:56I went, no, I'll pass too. And then my buddy goes, dude, it's okay. Have a piece. And I said, no, no, no, man, it's good. That standard alters us in every little area. Now that's an obvious example, but we're going to get our standards, our standards of wealth, our standards of faith, our standards of abundance. And the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in their life. So the people around you evaluate next, what are the standards they help you set in your life? The other thing we win with is energy. And so ask yourself this, is this person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer?

51:29This is massive. So when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your phone and you're like, oh, right? You know that conversation, that text is going to be an energy drain. This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're helping because we're going to talk about that next. But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy drainers, what do you think that's doing to your environment that you're supporting yourself with?

52:02Or on the contrary, is this someone who gives you energy, feeds your energy, feeds your belief, makes you stronger, gives you that juice in your life? Because all of these things, these people around us, all these evaluations, they're creating our environment so that it'll support our thinking. It'll support the changes we're making. It'll support our goals. This is supported by scripture as well. Proverbs 27, 17, as iron sharpens iron, so does one person sharpen another. And so one of the obvious questions about this is if someone is lower energy for me, or is a past reference person, or a trigger that doesn't support me, or they don't believe in me, or they only accept me as I am, if you have some of these issues, what do you do with them?

52:41I'll give you three things. I don't think you just eliminate people from your lives. It's not that hardcore a thing, because this is more about adding the right people than it is eliminating people, but it is reducing their proximity. And so I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you want to, number one, I would recommend you be kind to them. Be kind in your conversations with them. You don't have to become mean to them or adversarial to them. And I don't even think you need to let them know this. Number two, I think you need to be cordial. But I will tell you that you begin to become three, which is concise.

53:10Your dialogue with them begins to be concise. Their proximity to you begins to shrink. And these are things people say, gosh, that's so difficult. Well, do you want to be happier? Do you want to win? I mean, you've already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals down. You're already working on yourself. You already got some habits that you're working on. Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is the area. Those of you that have children, this is an audio or video they should be watching or listening to. Their school teachers influence them. That's their mentors. That's like what we're doing right now, right?

53:38But who really has influence over your children? Who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends and it's their closest friends. That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly, the good parents do, because they know the proximity of these kids around their children are going to influence ultimately who they become our lives begin to have a pace of that's different than when we're young but the same exact thing is true for us these people closest to us dictate who we become it's not our mentors like our school teachers they have some influence i have influence hopefully with you but not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done listening this not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight not the same as who you have lunch who you're around at work who you're around in the evening who you socialize with right they have the greatest form of influence over you Because in your life, you're trying to build this library of memories, aren't you?

54:24And in your mind right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings. With the same people? With the same people? With the same people, you are likely to build the same types of memories over and over again. So if you love your life right now, if everything in your life is rich and you don't want it to change and you don't want it to grow and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well then by all means, keep these people very close to you and add people as you go.

54:59But if there's this part of this, I want to change the memories. I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see moments I have. So all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in your environment and the things around you. What do you have around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment, but the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment that are around you.

55:30And so that's how you eliminate. Now, adding people to your life. The best way to do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. So, I mean, where do they have lunch? Where do they have coffee? Where do they work out? Where do they worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to become good friends and just become a part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy. It's work to add people to your life. I could tell you that I work very hard at this. I also believe in the law of reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody to be your friend.

55:59You find a way that you can contribute. You want to become a friend of mine, say, how can I help you? How can I serve you? Just offer whatever you have. You say, well, I don't have anything to offer people. You'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people. Not all of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track record. You'd be surprised, someone like myself, what just your belief means to me, your support means to me. And I'm the type of person, the people you want in your life, when I feel like you've given me something, I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more.

56:36And so the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations. Maybe it is your connections. Maybe it is a talent or skill you have, but it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful than me, much more well-known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sensed this person truly believes in me. They truly care about me. This is a real friend.

57:03You have those people in your life as well, where they don't necessarily have all the experience to support you, but they really believe in you. They really love you. And then the last thing I want to ask you today is, because for you to add these people to your life, what I just said is the most important thing. How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? Right now, are you that person that's an energy giver or drainer? Are you a future frame of reference or the past? Do you help your friends set high standards or the acceptable standards they already have, right?

57:34Are you someone who deeply believes in people and they know it, or you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you begin to ask you of, how are you showing up in other people's lives? Because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things, your environment slowly but surely will begin to support your mental game, will be supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I I want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with your life.

58:04You were put here to do something special all your life. Since you were a little boy or a little girl, there was some point in your life where you knew you were supposed to do something great, that you were put here for a reason, that you've got a calling, that you've got a home in your life you're eventually going to find where you're living the real, true, authentic version of you, your best version. You know you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now, if you're listening to this or you're watching this, maybe you're not quite there. yet. And maybe it's your thinking.

58:32Maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits, which I cover all the time on this show. Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely it's the environmental stuff. It's the standards. It's the people around you that believe in you. It's not just having people that accept you because you want to do something so great with your life. I have this theory that many of you heard that when I die someday, I believe I want the Lord to say, well done, good and faithful servant. But I have this hallucination, as many of you know, that when I die, the Lord's going to do that. And he's going to turn around and say, Eddie, I want you to meet the man I made you to be.

59:02When I made you in my image and likeness, this is the destiny version of you. This is the man you were born to be. And that guy's going to be standing there, and I want to meet him and go, I've been chasing you all my life, man. And he's going to say, boy, you caught me. You did it. I'm proud of you. You had all the memories, all the moments, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the difference, all of it in your life. You made it all happen. You became the man you were born to be. We're identical twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass away. heaven is I meet the man I was born to be and we're identical twins.

59:33Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers. You're total strangers. That woman someday when you die and you meet the woman you could have been and you're total strangers. You went down different paths, different roads, different decisions your entire life and you never become that woman. You never become that man. To me, that's hell. So if it's that important to you, that you've always known, and maybe it got buried as you got older. Maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it. And then maybe our parents, our friends, our school teachers, just life started to happen and we forget who we are.

1:00:04We forget who we are. And you know why you forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life. Because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were really little, you knew it. You felt it because you were closer to God at that time. And the more and more people were added to your life, they began to treat you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of you and maybe you've started to accept that so if it's people that created these limiting beliefs created this anxiety created this fear created this thing about us where we forget our greatness if it's people who did this to us it's people who are going to help us get out of it if it's the environment that stole this joy stole this belief stole this confidence from us stole this sense of purpose from us and passion it's the environment that will give it back to us again and we put the people in our lives that we deserve to have not just that have always been there.

1:00:54Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to the show, everybody. I have a man here who's become such a dear friend of mine and a trusted advisor. I've only had one other person on the show three times. So you are now breaking a record, brother. You are a ratings machine. But more importantly, You bring such value every time you're here and when we're done talking Every single time we've done this I go. Oh my gosh, this is going to get millions of downloads because it made me better And every time i'm with you, I feel better.

1:01:31I smile more I feel better about myself and I learn things about how to win how to succeed how to persevere So dean graciosi welcome back to the show my brother So good to be here and I have to tell you the best you're the most gracious host ever and to this day still are two podcasts. Yep. Every day. I send you some of them. Every day. I'm like, best podcast ever, best podcast. And I've been on a lot. And it's because you're so gracious, because you care so much. And the reason people are following you and listening, and I know I'm speaking for the people listening, is because they know you care.

1:02:03Thank you. They know that you have me here for a third time, not for any other reason, except you think it will bring more value. Yeah. And I hope I don't let everybody down. You got a lot of options. You're here with us. It'll bring more value to them. And that's why I love your success. I love how your book is crushing it. Thank you. The world needs more edge. What is it about most of us that makes us think we're not worthy of being successful? Because it ties into this, right? I mean, if we can unpack that, I'm going to go do this. If I don't unpack that, maybe I don't. I've been struck all my life by people that just like I, in my case, I'm critical of myself.

1:02:34I'm hard on myself, but I've never had this belief like I don't deserve to win. I may not have thought I could. Right. I don't know how I'm going to, but I've not had it so all the way back there. I'm like, I just don't deserve to win. I, I, or someone like me can't win. I've not ever had that. I've had all the other stuff, but what is it? Wow. That's, that's such good. As you say that I've never felt that either. I always felt the cards might be stacked against me. This one's going to be rough. Not sure I can get through it. Me too. I've, I've had sleepless nights. A lot of them I've gone, I've gone six months with sleep in two, three hours a night because I'm stressed and you know, my wake up and my brain's thinking, thinking, thinking.

1:03:08I like to share that with people. Cause I think when they see success, they think, man, that was just probably a harmonious ride for you, right? I went through a divorce in the middle of it. Like I've been through a lot of the things on the opposite side, right? But you've also worked with millions of people and you know that a lot of them suffer from this. Yeah, they do. But you just said that I've never felt I didn't deserve it. And I would say it's, I think it's society. And especially we live in a society right now where when you're successful, there's a lot of people that look at it as a negative, right?

1:03:35So we almost have this negative association to sales. We have a negative association to success but I always here's the last thing I'll say about I always I said this one time on stage randomly and the audience went nuts but I just said And when it comes to money and success, it's like you're at a therapist. Money's on one chair. You're on the other. The therapist is in the middle and you go, I hate that money. If I get that money, I might change. I might be a horrible person. And then in the other part, you're like, but I need that money so I can have freedom and take care of my family and I need control and I don't want to work in this horrible job anymore.

1:04:08Could you imagine a therapist saying, well, we got to get this straight. Do you hate money in that chair or do you love money? I'm really unsure. And I think that's the conflict. I think the conflict is we think I think money and alcohol just expose and compound who you are. You're a jerk sober. You're a real jerk drunk, right? You're violent, sober. You're very violent, right? Same with same with money. And I think I think if you're listening to Ed Milet, you have to realize that money is a byproduct of service. And what money can do is listen. When people say to me, money doesn't buy happiness.

1:04:41I say you haven't given enough away. Right. When I was on your stage, I was compelled. I was compelled by you. I watched your emotions behind camera when you were talking about the families in Texas. I was compelled. Do you know how great you're thanking me? Why? Like you're thanking me for something that filled my heart. You know how great, you know what$50 ,000 was to me at 18. I thought if I could make that a year, I'd be the richest man alive. And to be able to sit on stage and say, Hey, Ed, let's, let me give you another 50 grand. But at the same time I built two schools in Africa. I fed 7 million people, right?

1:05:12I donated$600 ,000 last year to Operation Underground Railroad. How blessed are we that we get to do those things, right? So I don't know. You know, earlier I said, you know, Tony, I like when he says get leverage. I said get in the right mindset. If you feel that being successful that you don't deserve it or that money is bad, I'm going to tell you to dig into that. Find out where that is. Ask yourself. One of the simplest ways I always do is ask yourself why seven times. Why do I think I don't deserve it? I'm not that smart. Well, why do I think not being smart has anything to do with being successful?

1:05:47And just keep asking why over and over again. And you'll get to a point where you'll start getting emotional and be like, everything I just shared is ****. Really, really good. Because it's a story we, you're the best at talking about the story we tell ourselves. Let's stay on this just for a second. Because I feel like all of this is tied together in order to participate in the challenge. And I also, every week, I want people on here to change their life every single week. It's why I do this show. you know like I said there's only been two humans come back here three times you and Dr. Joe Dispenza and because I just think that you you work on this story thing so well with people so I have this new show as you know coming out I can't say a lot about it but it's I can't wait it's a show where I intervene in people's lives it'll be out the end of August beginning of September and one of the ladies on the show had gained a bunch of weight like 180 pounds and uh and then had lost like 90 of it gained it back and did that a couple times and in the middle of it I said let me why do you have all this weight on your body and i said there's two things i said one you have the identity she adopted the identity of a heavy person who happened to have lost weight and in that case she's going to get back to that identity so she was a heavy person who lost weight i said i won't say her name but i said we have to adopt that you're a healthy beautiful vibrant woman who's gained weight yeah what a great switch this identity switch that in chapter two i think you about the thermostat right the same thing you shifted a certain thermostat shifting this story And then later I said listen we don't do anything in our life that there's not some benefit for even if the majority of it is detrimental So this story you're all telling yourself those of you that suffer from it.

1:07:16You don't deserve it You're doing that for a reason that you get something for doing it And in her case she said I think I hide in my weight that as I start to lose the weight Maybe people are gonna see other things in me that I don't think Wow I can handle and it was really this very emotional breakthrough. I want people to watch the show So I'm not gonna get there's 10 of them. But what about that? That this story we tell ourselves, Dean, even though it may not serve us, there's some service in it that we can hide in it. Yeah. That it masks other things in our lives. And I think for everyone listening to this right now, this could be the breakthrough moment of your life as we just talk about this concept.

1:07:51This thing you keep telling you about you that holds you back from jumping into a challenge, holds you back from starting a business, holds you back from getting into that relationship or getting fit like you know you should or asking yourself the right questions. You're getting something from it even if massive it meant most of it's negative for you How does one just in general start to change the story? They tell themselves about their life because you're the master Yeah, well, you know and I know if you're if you're listening to Ed Milet You've heard this before you've other people talk about it, but I think it's Maybe this is the first time you get to really feel it or maybe this silly version that i'm going to give you sticks with you And if this is why you're here today, this is why you're here.

1:08:27Here's the way I look at it we need pain sometimes to disconnect from a story. You know, somebody asked me about success once and I would love to say I was always aspirational. I wanted more. I didn't want to be like my dad and struggle and be like my mom who worked three jobs to make 90 bucks. And I had this vision of something bigger and better and, and being in control of my life. And all those things sound good at this phase. Sometimes you got to go to the dark side. I just didn't want to be them. My father was miserable and fought with everyone and he'd be in love for six months and be divorced within three and always mad.

1:09:03And sometimes you got to give your permission, give yourself permission. When I went in my toughest thing, when I needed the extra boost, the turbo boost to get off the ground, I'm like, you're going to end up like your dad. You're going to end up broke. You're going to end up alone. You're going to end up not in control of your life. Someone else is going to tell you how to raise your kids and how to dress and when to go to work. I would push myself. So sometimes you got to go to the dark side to get the momentum. And I'm telling you to use that to shift your story. Very good. So, so I'm, you know, Tony always says to get the rocket off the ground, all the energies in the first couple of feet.

1:09:37And then once it gets in space, you hit the button, you're a thousand miles an hour. Right. Do whatever it takes to get the rocket off the ground. If to start the new business, to say I'm worthy, to shift the story. If it's pain that'll drive you, then use the pain. Because half of us run away from pain. Half of us run towards pleasure. We know that you use the one that you're accustomed to and amplify my gosh. So amplify the pain. Yep Most people Joe Dispenza would probably tell you not to do that and I love that guy and I'm glad you had him three times But I needed that mm-hmm secondly You know the story if you think back I could have made it but or I would do it or That's how you find this the number one thing I'm you know, I don't have the money.

1:10:19I don't have the time my family thinks I'm nuts I could never do something like this. I'm an introvert. I don't have a following. I don't know what that is But here's the way I look at it If you spend enough time today and this is my quick hack on stories If you spend enough time today, you can find the one thing there's lots of them But you can find the one that's probably held you back the most so the two things I would say is good Go look at what it's already cost you again. This is personal development 101 I don't want to act like I made this up, but I want to remind you today. We all need reminder services This story this thing this too young too old not money.

1:10:55It's already cost you pain You already missed opportunities. You already let the ship go down the track the train go down the tracks You didn't start the business. You didn't go for the relationship You didn't fix that thing and it's already cost you a lot. So what I say Here's a cool way to look at it be like Two armies You already know the story That will come up when you decide to go all in when you say, you know, I don't care about i'm going i'm starting the business I'm scaling the business. I'm not going to, you already know the army that's coming. You already know the story that's going to go, uh, uh, uh, little Eddie, you know, come on, Ed, you know, you know where you came, you know what your house looked like when you were little, you know, you weren't that good in school.

1:11:33You know, you cheated in ninth grade. You know, you cheated your way through. I'm making this up. I'm just saying. Pretty close. Biology. Yeah. Accounting. So if you use the dark or the light, whatever you need to get the engine going, if you identify the story that's already cost you and you really think about it becomes painful but here's the thing as you think about this next thing you want to do you want to thrive in a shifting economy if that story's coming it's like you're going to war but the the scout went out and you know that the other army is two days away yeah you know what kind of guns they have you know what kind of horses you have you already know here's the thing you already know your enemy so if you're not preparing and fortifying and creating the things that block the enemy, then you're kind of inviting the story back.

1:12:19So you could be, you know, how many Uber drivers have you had? I haven't been in Uber in a while, but before COVID, when you were in Uber, how many Uber drivers did you say, oh man, I was, I was on my way, Dean. I see, I love your books. And oh seven, when the market shifted, I lost my business. I'm just said to hell with, you know, I mean, those stories I've heard me too. What they've done is they let that army come in that story come in because at least they have something. And what I want to tell you is if you really want more, you know your enemy. The number one enemy is that story that's held you back.

1:12:50You can fortify the gates. You can decide to turn that story around and you can not let it in. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Milet. And today I'm extremely excited to share these thoughts with you because I think what we're going to cover today may be the single most important thing that will lead to you reaching the ultimate version of yourself, your optimal results, your max out level of play or not ever getting there.

1:13:24And so it's that important to me. You know, people ask me often, what were some of the decisions and choices and areas I focused on that made the biggest difference for me in my life? And today's topic is the thing that I would probably give you the gift of first. And that is the power of your identity. See, I believe the most powerful force in the world is to be consistent with the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and beliefs you hold to be true about yourself. And that is what identity is. Identity is the governor on every single area of your life. It literally sets the temperature for all of the conditions of your life.

1:13:59Shakespeare has this incredible quote that says, We know what we are, but not what we may be. And the who you may be is going to be dictated by your ability to alter your identity. because you are going to always be consistent with what you believe you're worth and what you believe you deserve or what is your identity. Your identity, the best analogy I could give you, is like a thermostat sitting on the wall of your life. It sets the entire temperature for the conditions of your life in multiple areas. And so most people think their life is dictated by external circumstances. They spend their entire life trying to control what is outside of them.

1:14:35You've all heard the great saying that people in 12-step programs talk about about learning to control the things they can and letting go of the things that they can't control. And the fact of the matter is you cannot always control the external factors that are impacting you in your life. The good news is it's the external things in your life that do not dictate the direction or the ultimate destination of your life. That is a fallacy. Listen to me when I tell you this. External circumstances do not dictate the ultimate destination of your life. It's an internal game. You and your faith, your God, are what will control the direction of your life, not the external things that are impacting you all the time.

1:15:13And this identity is that internal thermostat. It sets the temperature, just like a thermostat sitting on the wall, of the conditions of your entire life. Let me give an example of how the thermostat of our lives works. The best analogy I could give you is exactly how one works in the room I'm sitting in. It sets the temperature of the room. And so the external conditions don't impact the internal temperature of this room because that thermostat Regulates the condition of the room So if we open the door in the windows in this room and cold air blew in here The thermostat would kick on wouldn't it and heat the room back up to 75 degrees So no matter what hit it It regulates the temperature of the room the reverse is also true a bunch of hot air blew in the room If we open the doors in the windows the thermostat would cool the room back down and regulate it to 75 degrees Guess what?

1:15:59That's exactly how your life works Once you accept this truth, it is a fact that is not the external things that are happening It's the internal thermostat Too often in life, people don't work on changing their identity They're always working on producing external results Have you ever known somebody who was wealthy and no longer is? Have you ever known somebody who made a bunch of money and no longer does? How about somebody who was in a great relationship and that relationship no longer exists? How about someone who got in great shape that is no longer in that shape again? If your results begin to exceed your internal thermostat, you will find a way to cool your life back down to what you believe you're worth and you're comfortable with your identity.

1:16:39You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, this accident happened or this appointment canceled or this circumstance took place. It's not coincidence. All of those things have happened because you set the thermostat of your life and you've regulated what you're going to get. Isn't that incredible? that you can learn all the talents, the behaviors, the skills, the tactics, all the strategies that I teach you. But if you don't alter that thermostat internally, you could have all of the skills of a 100 degree producer and you will live a 75 degree existence because you will turn the air conditioner of your life on back down to cool it where you're comfortable.

1:17:12It's also true, by the way, you've seen this in your own life. Maybe you've had something really good going in business before. You've got momentum. It seems like things are happening great. and then you wake up four, five, six months later and you've cooled your life, your business, right back down to where it was before. Maybe you'd save some money at one time and then coincidentally your car broke down or a bill happened or there was a run of birthday parties and all of a sudden that bank account's back to where it always was. It's not coincidental. You've cooled the conditions back down again.

1:17:40And so you've seen this happen. Maybe you got in great shape at one point but your identity wasn't that fit a person and you've cooled it back down to about what you're comfortable being. This is true in your faith and your relationships. By the way, you have multiple thermostat settings. You have one in your faith. You have one in your fitness, one in your money, one in your happiness, right? One in your business life. So there's multiple identities we have. The reverse is also true. There's been times in your life where the circumstances, the conditions were terrible. You thought you'd never get out of it.

1:18:09You're never going to eat again. Well, guess what? You ate again, didn't you? And you heated your life back up to that same place again. So you've proven this over and over in your life, haven't you? So have I, so has every single human being. The governor on our life, the regulator of our life is our identity, which is the internal thermostat that sets the temperature for our life. So the key in life is to learn all the thoughts, the skills, the tactics, and the strategies that can heat our life up in the areas that matter most to us. But if we don't simultaneously change the conditions of our thermostat, change what we're comfortable living at, change our identity, our worth, change the thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and value we hold to ourself, we will cool or heat our life back to that regulated temperature.

1:18:54And so I'm telling you the overall key to changing the external conditions of your life is changing that internal thermostat setting. So that's what we're going to talk about some strategies on today. Just being aware that you need to alter the thermostat is a life-changing, liberating condition. I cover this in very specific detail in hashtag MaxOutYourLife, my book. It's a quick read, 100 pages. I wrote it so that every page has strategies on it, no fluff. If you want the book, go to maxoutbook.com. If you put in the code maxout, I'll buy the book for you. So I cover this in detail there, but I wanna cover it in detail right now with you as well.

1:19:29What you need to be doing is becoming aware of how important it is that you adjust this thermostat setting as you produce better results, as you start to learn new skills and strategies and tactics. See, you can move from an average business into an extraordinary business with incredible opportunity, but you will produce the same results you're getting in the average business if you don't change that thermostat setting up to 95 or 100 or 120 degrees of what you believe you're worth, the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs you hold true to be about yourself. So it is the regulator on our lives, and it's the main thing I work on with my private coaching, with some of the elite performers I work with in business and athletics and entertainment and politics is me working with them on changing that internal thermostat where we can heat it higher and higher and higher so that they can produce the results and the conditions of their life stay and exceed those levels all the time.

1:20:22In fact, in my own life, I'm always working on my self-confidence. I'm working on my tactics and strategies, my ability to influence, right? My thoughts, all of those different things. But the thing I'm most obsessed about that I know is going to get me to the ultimate version of me is constantly elevating the temperature in the areas that matter to me, adjusting that thermostat setting higher and higher and higher and higher so that I can get those conditions to match it because it always will. You will always get your thermostat setting, always in your life. So can I give you any insights as to how to change that thermostat setting?

1:20:54I can. Let me give you a couple. The most powerful way and the easiest way to change your thermostat setting is by adding people to your circle, very close proximity, that live at a higher temperature in that area than you do. For example, in your faith, let's just say, you're a 75 degree or in your faith. You've already seen this. You can't possibly begin to regularly associate with good godly people who pray regularly, who try to live righteously, and they're at 110, 120 degrees of faith in their life and not have that proximity heat you up. Now, you won't get to where they are. You'll get to somewhere between where you are at 75 degrees and they are at 110 over time you become a hundred degree and you alter the thermostat setting through association same in business if you and i were to hang around each other every single day and let's say you were a 75 degree or in business hypothetically and i don't know that about you but let's just say you were and i was 150 degree and we hung around each other all the time don't you think through that association regular especially if you had two or three or four people like me in your life that just over time you don't even feel it you're at 80, you're at 85, you're at 90, you're at 95, and that's where you are.

1:22:01We understand the power of this with our children because we know at school the teachers have influence over them, they're mentors, but the people that really have influence over our children are their friends because they're around them all the time, and so we know it sets their temperature. This is true in fitness. If you're a 75 degree of fitness at every meal, every day at the gym, all your associations, hypothetically speaking, were with someone who was shredded and fit the way you wanted to look at 150 degrees, you know over time you get heated up. And so you can't be with someone every day.

1:22:32You can't be with them all the time. But the key is to get more proximity in the areas that matter with people whose thermostat setting is higher than yours. I am a product. You are listening to me right now because I've been so obsessed with this concept of adding new associations to my life that live in the areas that I want to improve in at higher temperatures than me. It's my obsession to this day. I'll give you a secret. One of the reasons I even do my show is I know that I'm influencing many of these guests in the areas that matter most to them through our proximity. And in some cases they do it for me.

1:23:05And so I'm obsessed with the power of association, but I don't just associate. See, all personal says, yeah, you're the five people you hang around. Kinda. You really are the five to 10 people you hang around if you're conscious all the time of studying them, of observing them, of asking questions, of the fact that you should be altering your thermostat setting. That's when it really moves. It's not just hanging around. It's consciously and intentionally spending time with people where you allow it to impact you, where you study them, where you really observe them, where you're open to their influence.

1:23:41There has to be a level of trust before you can do that, where you surrender yourself to them. But it's not just being around them. It's intentionally being around people that alters that thermostat setting. So power of association is the main way to do it. Second way to alter your identity is in a short window of time, behave completely differently. In a 30 day window of time in your fitness life, you shock your system into eating or training completely differently than you used to. Or in your business life, you make a hundred times more phone calls, a hundred more contacts. You do something in a very short window of time that shocks you into believing my gosh I could never go back where I was before you trick your brain into believing you're different there's this part of our brain that always wants to be consistent with what we're worth well if in a short window of time I begin to behave completely differently your brain begins to believe you deserve something differently when you begin to do the things nobody else is willing to do you begin to believe you deserve the results nobody else deserves to get this is important also because it changes the waterline it's almost like a waterline in the pool.

1:24:42If you raise it, it leaves a new mark. Have you ever seen that before in a lake or a pool where you raise the water line a short window of time and it just changes the mark in your life. It changes the thermostat setting. So you can alter things in your life in short bursts and I do this often in an area where I really need to change. Like right now, I just started back on a really seriously deeply committed fitness journey. I want to get back and past where I've ever been in fitness in my life. So I'm going to add some of these new associations. I'm going to train with a new group of people because I've been training alone.

1:25:13I'm going back to training with some people that are fitter than me, men and women that are fitter than me. That's my first combination. That'll alter my thermostat setting, our proximity. And secondly, I'm going psycho the next 30 days. I'm going psycho. I'm altering my nutrition and my diet dramatically, my workouts dramatically, and I'm going to shock my system in the next 30 days into changing the waterline, changing that temperature setting. That's the second way you alter identity, alter the thermostat that setting so that you alter the external results. I've said this to you before as well, see, beliefs are so important to guard because once you have a belief, your brain goes to work, and I've said this in another audio video, where your brain has to go to work to prove your beliefs to be true.

1:25:56Your brain literally goes to work on finding the evidence to prove you right. And so that identity, you're constantly reinforcing it. Let me give you an example of what I mean. If you believe a certain worth about yourself, a certain identity that impacts the type of action you're willing to take so if there's a goal you've got set it doesn't matter what it is pick a goal to the extent that you believe it's consistent with your identity is to the extent that you will make an effort towards it it's a self-fulfilling prophecy however because what happens is if your identity is here and the goal is there you will only make an effort congruent with what you believe you're worth and so that limited effort you make produces the result not consistent and it reinforces the belief.

1:26:39It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you set a goal that is inconsistent with an identity you're working on. You will only make an effort consistent with the identity, which will get you to hear doesn't produce the result and it reinforces this belief you have about yourself. So it's important as you set new goals, as you set new visions, that you also upgrade your identity simultaneously. You're in process of upgrading it because that identity impacts the effort you make, right? Impacts the will you put towards it. And that will is reinforced by the lack of result. And so it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy.

1:27:13So your mind has this belief. It wants to prove to be true and it starts to find references. So if you believe you're 75 degrees, it's going to start finding legs to put under that table to make it immobile. So it can't move to prove you right. And so our identity equals our effort. And the challenge is that effort produces the result. And so this identity has everything to do with the effort you make, which produces the result, which will reinforce the identity or the lack thereof. So it's critical that you upgrade identity with your new visions and goals. The next layer of this is you need to stop what's no longer needed.

1:27:50In other words, there were behaviors and thoughts you've had in the past that were needed to produce the results you currently have. But you need to stop what's no longer needed. Maybe you're continuing a behavior in your life that's no longer needed. Maybe you're continuing a thought or a worry that at one time was needed, but no longer is. Maybe there's a stress or an anxiety or a belief you're holding true to be about yourself that maybe you needed at some point in your life that you no longer need. It could be something to protect yourself from fear, to protect yourself from harm, or to serve you in getting through a certain circumstance.

1:28:25But if we're not conscious of dropping a thought or a behavior that's no longer needed, we take old thoughts, old behaviors that serve an old version of ourselves into trying to become the new version of ourselves. So ask yourself that question. What do I need to drop that's no longer needed? Is it a person? Is it a thought? Is it a behavior? Or is it an emotion? one of those things you probably are carrying with you from the past that maybe you needed to get through a circumstance maybe you needed to get through a relationship through a setback through a failure or just to produce the results you currently get but that thought that behavior that emotion that person is no longer needed for you to go to the next level of your identity the next level of your performance the next level of yourself and then finally is this if you're stuck you're stuck in a story that's where you're stuck there's a story you're telling yourself that doesn't serve you anymore and you have to evaluate what that story is I'm serious right now if you say Ed I'm kind of stuck where I am well what you need to do is you need to alter your associations you need to do something in a short window of time no question about it you definitely need to evaluate what is no longer needed and evaluate the story you're telling yourself there's all kinds of stories we tell ourselves that don't serve us anymore.

1:29:44This is critical. Maybe it's a story about your past, a story about your parents, a story about a previous relationship, a story about a success you used to have, you keep talking about that doesn't serve you to get to the next level. If I can be real with you, whatever you've achieved up to this point, that story you keep talking about every second you spend in that old story about what you've achieved, your degree, some business you had, one thing you were real successful at in the past. Every time you live in that story, you're stripping time and focus from the new story. What's the new story you're telling yourself?

1:30:16You can't have a new identity without a new story. What's the old story you keep repeating? Maybe it's not a success. Maybe it's a failure that you've had. It was a business setback. It was the market turned. It was the economy. It was someone who did you wrong, a relationship that let you down, a business partner who wasn't consistent, a failure you've had, a poor decision you made, a mistake you made in your life. And Simultaneously trying to create a new identity you can't take that old story into the new identity One of the things we have to do to create a new identity is to begin to tell a new story.

1:30:51What's your new story? Who are you now? What are you all about now? Where are you going now? What's this new version of you see here's what's amazing at any point in your life? You can just decide to write a new script You can decide to become a whole new character see the leading character in the story of your life is you and guess what? You and God control the script. You could write a new script at any time you want. Listen to me. At any time you want, you can simply decide to be a new character. I'm strong now. I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm bold now. I'm funny now. I'm smart now.

1:31:29I'm going there now. Stop telling the old story. Here's the truth. Nobody cares. No one cares if you had a failure. No one cares if you've had a setback. No one cares if you had a victory. And none of those failures, none of those setbacks, none of those victories, and that old character you keep playing is the very thing that will prevent you from becoming this new version of you. It's a story if you're stuck. It's an old story you're telling with an old character that was last year's version, last decade's version. Who's the new character? What's the new script? What's the new story? I must tell you, I have a lot of weaknesses a lot of things I do that don't serve me but this identity thing I get this it's the key now there's a lot of little mini things in life that matter there's never one thing if you said what's the key I can tell you it's my addiction and my obsession to working on my identity it's the thought of mine that dominates most of my thinking that's number one so I'm conscious of the concept that's huge just being aware of the concept will put you light years ahead of 99.9 % of it.

1:32:38Just awareness of the power of identity. Just now you knowing about the thermostat puts you in the 0.1 % of all the people on the spinning earth right now. And then the next thing I'm really focused on is always adding people to my life in the areas that matter to me that live at higher temperatures than me. The second thing is I'm constantly doing things in short bursts of time to change the waterline. I'm also super obsessed with dropping what's no longer needed. There were certain things I needed to think and do and say or people I needed to be around, emotions I needed to have that got me to the place I'm currently at.

1:33:13I'm evaluating all the time what is no longer needed, what emotion, what anxiety, what thought, what belief, what person, what behavior is no longer needed in my life. And then lastly, I never tell the old story. I don't like telling the old story. I'm constantly trying to write the new script, become the new character in my life. And it could just be the new emotions. It could be the new beliefs I have. It could be the new story, the new place I'm moving, but I'm constantly retelling a new story all the time. I'm constantly obsessed with writing the next chapter of my life, not reading the previous ones.

1:33:51The happiest and most fulfilled people don't read the past chapters of their life, whether they're good or bad, they are writing new ones all the time. These are the keys of changing the internal thermostat of our lives and ultimately are the keys of changing the external circumstances of our lives.

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