Success Without Stress, Is It Possible?

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1:37This is the Ed Myron Show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So grateful to spend this time with you this week. This week, we're going to talk about stress and attached to that, the concept of being more present. But, you know, I get asked often, you know, do I have regrets in my life? Of course I do. I'm almost 54 years old now. And when I look back on my life with all the blessings I've had, I've had, you know, significant blessings financially. I've had a wonderful family. I have had great travel, great memories in my life. I've had some notoriety. I've had the ability to impact people. But, yes, I do have many regrets.

2:17And one of them is I've just lived in stress too much. Any of you relate to that? And you know what? I think most of that's because I wasn't present enough. I think stress and presence are almost impossible to exist together. Stress to me is always in the future. Stress is worrying about something that hasn't happened yet or trying to solve a problem in the future that's not yet there. Stress is something's going on currently, but I'm worried about what it's going to be later or what the impact will be or what the fallout will be. And so stress for me always happens when my mind moves to the future and I think so many people do this in their life and Future traveling is not very healthy.

2:58Now. I think there's a place for dreaming and vision I talk about this a lot. I think the most happy and successful people are dreamers They have they use their imagination. They see what they want their life to be like and they go create it I'm going to give you a great example of how to nuance that because a lot of times people say i'm confused If I'm not supposed to be in the future, then why should I be dreaming and having an imagination? There's a difference between future traveling constantly or giving yourself a respite and a vision that you glimpse at and then go to work in the present on it.

3:29So stress for me has always been caused by the lack of presence. Stress is always in the future. Even you go, no, no, no, there's a stressful situation going on right now I'm dealing with. Is it what you're dealing with or is it what it's going to mean tomorrow? What it's going to mean in a week, what it's going to mean in a year. You know, your kid got expelled from school. Yeah, but it's also what does it mean? Oh my gosh, they're going to not live a great life or they're going to be a criminal or whatever we start processing in our minds, right? So it's always the future. Here's what happens for people that are stressed.

3:59And I relate to this because I am one. And I think I'm going to give you a great analogy today that just happened for me that kind of pulls together. How do you simultaneously have a vision and a dream and allow yourself to see the future and still be present? I think I'll give you a great example of that in a second. You know, constantly chasing something that actually doesn't yet exist is stressful. And in this case, you miss everything around you when you're chasing something in the future. You cannot enjoy the present moment and you won't even enjoy the next one because when you arrive to the next one, then you're worried about the one after that.

4:33If you're always in the future traveling, you don't enjoy the moment you're in because you're not actually in it. You're in the next one. And then when you arrive to the next one, you don't enjoy that one because you're already thinking about the next one. If anybody relates to this, this is most people. They're chasing some notoriety, some fame, some accomplishment, some destination. It might even be like I'm chasing the weekend so I don't enjoy Wednesday, right? But you're chasing. If you're in the future, you are stressed. If you're in the future, you're not present. Peace is only found in the present.

5:04That I know definitively. This nuance between having a vision and a dream. I'm going to talk about in a minute I'm going to be a great example of how to do it from my real life But I can tell you that I know peace is only in the present and by the way Productivity is only in the present. You are only peaceful and productive right now You can't be productive in the future because it doesn't exist and you can't be peaceful there either because it doesn't exist Only what exists is now and even the past a lot of times is a figment of our imagination or some our version of what happened. And so in this case, when you chase things, you miss everything around you.

5:42And if you ask me my regret, it's that as I was in the chase and I caught a lot of these things I was chasing, I missed every moment along the way. Maybe not everyone, but I missed more than I would have liked. Does it make any sense to constantly chase the things you want and to never be in the moment until you get there? because then even when you get there, you'll be chasing the next thing and not in that moment. You cannot enjoy the present moment. If you can't learn to do that, you're not going to enjoy the next one when you arrive there either. And even though it's a figment of your imagination, a lot of people travel there in the future.

6:19And I said this on our last podcast, you know 170 ,000 people don't have a next moment today. Their lives were ended today. And so many of those 170 ,000 people that didn't wake up today, I guarantee you yesterday they were lamenting the future. They were thinking about the future, one that didn't even exist for them. And it's someday for you, that next day won't exist either. And so learning to be present is the reduction of stress. You're probably chasing it right now, aren't you? Trying to make it what you want it to be. And in your mind, you're trying to find some way to, if you could just get to that finish line, if you could just get to that promotion, if you could just get to the weekend, If you could just get to that sail, then you'll give yourself a break.

7:04Except when you get there, you got to go somewhere else too. Have you not realized that every day you live, there's going to be another day and every goal you achieve, there's going to be another goal. So if you actually think when you get to the next one, what are you going to do? Stop setting the goal? No, you have to find a way to have the vision of what you want and enjoy the present moment at the same time. Otherwise your goals cease to exist and then you're dead. You're either growing or dying. You got to keep growing. So there's got to be a mental way to do this. The future, by the way, is a complete figment of your imagination.

7:32One of the great things that we talk about at church sometimes is this. And by the way, I'm a big goal setter and you guys all know that. But if you want to hear God laugh, tell him all of your plans. Right. And and so there's some nuance there. We're moving towards what we want. The law of attraction is real. But at the same time, we have to have some surrender that life happens. And we're best equipped to deal with a moment when we're actually in it. You know, what you're doing is you're worrying about this boogeyman in the closet. The future is the boogeyman in the closet doesn't exist. It's santa claus.

8:02It literally doesn't exist And yet as kids were taught to always chase these moments your birthday's coming up summer's coming up Christmas is coming up And it's ingrained in us when we're very little to look to the future instead of being present But when you're the most happy in your life You're fully present. Let me explain Most of the happiest moments of my life are the ones where I was fully present the most memorable moments of my life Is when I was fully present and so recently uh, this past christmas my daughter and I went on a daddy-daughter trip to New York. It was a wonderful three days.

8:31And I have to say, give myself a pat on the back. For most of those three days, I was fully present with her. And it was wonderful. We went to Rockefeller Center and saw the Christmas tree. We went and visited some just incredible, went to St. Patrick's Cathedral and went to go see my good friend, Brett Eldridge perform. We ran into Adam Sandler for a while. We had dinner at a Michelin star restaurant that was incredible. And, um, but that wasn't my favorite time there. My favorite time was we just took a walk in central park, just me and my little girl. And, uh, she's in college now she's a junior.

9:06And so I don't get the time that I would like, I wish I was more present when she was younger. Uh, but this walk, I was fully present. And, um, anyway, as we're walking through central park, it was fun. We were talking about life and different things. And then we ran into, if you've ever been to central park, you know, there's some guys there that will do portraits. And so we ran into this guy, several guys that did portraits. And I found the one guy I like to say, Hey, Bella, you want this guy to sketch a portrait of you? And she goes, okay, dad. Yeah, we could do that. Which surprised me that my daughter was willing to sit there and have that done.

9:37Cause you know, people are walking by and watching you here in the middle of the park. This is the portrait by the way of my daughter. If you're on YouTube, you can see it. And then we're going to put up actually there a picture of her holding it in the park with the wonderful man who did the painting in the portrait as well. We'll show that on the youtube and if you're on the audio, that's okay. Just trust me There's a beautiful picture that was sketched of my daughter That's incredibly uh real life But what's interesting about this portrait is that what he did was he held in his view of reference his frame of reference my daughter the whole time So he was staring at the end product That's your vision and your dream The best analogy i've ever seen at how to be fully present yet focused on the future was this man With my daughter in other words my daughter there's this blake canvas he's got and he's sitting behind it You've seen this before and he's looking at my daughter And he's telling her stand still stay right there.

10:28So he's looking at the end product He's looking at the finish line. He's looking at the goal. He's looking at the dream. He's looking at the vision He's looking at his imagination of what it's going to look like Yet he has to be fully present to begin to sketch this portrait of my daughter And it was very interesting to watch him do it because he started with some scribbles here and scribbles there and I didn't even know what it was looking like and then her nose and he could see what it was going to look like as he was in the present moment. Now, he could not have painted this beautiful picture of my daughter or sketched it rather if she wasn't there and he didn't know what it was going to look like.

11:01And by the way, he spent tons of time looking at her, yet he was in the moment taking the action and being focused. what a gift this man has by the way i i can't even get over how someone's mind and their artistic abilities work like that i can't color in the lines i don't have legible printing i say what an unbelievable genius people who can do this have this quiet wonderful man who's by the way turned out he told us about his daughter who worked on wall street literally not far from the park that he was in and how proud he was of her where she went to nyu and school and we got to know him very well.

11:36But I watched this beautiful man express his gift. And the nuance of it was he was doing something he was great at that he loved. So he was fully present in the moment. And he painted this beautiful picture of my daughter that looks just like her. In other words, he took his dream or the vision or the final product and made it a reality. But the only way he could do it was by being fully present. He was quiet. He was just working away and he would look at her and then, and then look at her and then sketch and then look at her and sketch. That's how you make your dreams come true. You look at the future and then you sketch.

12:17And if you watched someone in their moment of doing something great, there was a peace about him, a calmness, a stillness, a bliss, almost like I'm called in this moment. It's about 25 degrees in a park, you know, and this man was loving what he was doing. Great joy. And then when it was done and I'll never forget the moment where he said, okay, are you ready? And he turned it around and showed Bella, here you go. How proud he was of what he had created. And he took all of reactions in every little nuance of it. And by the way, the level of detail in this sketch of her chin and her lips and her hair and the way her earmuffs were, all of it is so detailed.

12:57And if you're on the audio, you don't need to see that. I just want you to all understand something. That's how you should live your life. Just like this man sketched this dream into reality of my precious daughter, fully present in the moment and periodically looking at what you want the finished product to be not living. If he would have just stared at my daughter the whole time, think about the stress that would create if it not coming out of the portrait. Think about the lack of bliss and peace, right? It's the nuance of both. It's the nuance of both. If you're going to sketch and make your dreams come true, you got to hold a picture of what you want it to look like, but then you got to be in the moment and take in every nuance, every curve, every wrinkle, every detail, every breath.

13:42my daughter would move a millimeter. He goes, no, no, no, no. Put your chin back where it was. He knew every nuance and detail. What happened was it was just a full experience for him, a full experience. And he was also paid well at the end too, right? The point being, that's how you do it. And so the portrait of Bella looking at it, taking it all in is something that you can make a reality. The level of details, what really blew my mind and stress only arises when you're continually focused on the next moment. He wasn't worried about the next portrait he was going to do or what his payment was or what was going to, he wasn't.

14:17He was fully in the moment, but yet he could see the future at the same time.

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15:01When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at GoodToKnowFacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit GoodToKnowFacts.org. When you're constantly trying to arrive or across some invisible finish line in life, you're not enjoying what you're doing. You've created stress. You've literally built a pattern of your life of what I call escape.

15:44You're literally trying to escape into your thoughts. People escape into their thoughts about their past. I can escape and hide there. My mom did this. My dad did that. This former relationship, this business thing went the wrong way. They escape. Other people escape into the future. But one way or the other, you're trying to escape. I have a lot of friends who say, you know, I don't use drugs or alcohol. Their escape isn't drugs or alcohol. Some people escape into drugs. Some people escape into alcohol. By the way, they typically escape there because of stress. But a lot of people don't use those things.

16:13Their drug is the future. Their drug is their worries. Their addiction is their stress. Their addiction is their thoughts that create their stress. That's their escape. They escape into their addiction, which is their thinking, which is the future, which is the finish line, which is becoming instead of being. Rather than always worrying about becoming, just be. You can't travel to this place that literally doesn't exist because when you get there, you'll be chasing the next one that doesn't exist. So here's what I'm saying to you today that I've learned. I'm my best when I am being. I just be.

16:51I don't chase. He'd have to chase that picture. It was right in front of him. And then he went to work on it in a peaceful, quiet, nuanced way with every detail being taken in. In fact, the key to that portrait is how present he was. How many things he could notice. All of the nuances, all of the details. I think the key to your life is how present you can be. How many details you can take in. How much nuance. How much presence. How much calm. makes you a better speaker, communicator, salesperson, mother, father, influencer, friend, human, child of God, is being. If you're not careful, your life will be a complete waste.

17:33You will get to that day like the other 170 ,000 people did today, and you lived very few moments. When I say that I've had regrets in my life, I should have had more moments. I should have had more times where I took it all in I should have had more moments like that walk in the park Even with all of my business achievements or financial achievements I should have enjoyed them more I should have enjoyed them more. I should have taken it all in heck A lot of them. I don't even remember I don't even remember There are moments that I don't remember in my life that I should any of you relate to this Because I wasn't always there I was always in the future.

18:17Instead of just being, I was always trying to become. Goals and dreams and visions are beautiful, but you have to learn the ability to have those and still be present just like he was. Just like he was. Fully present with the vision and the goal right in front of him. Every nuance, every detail. Crafting this piece of art. Your greatest creation will be your life. The work of art of your life is you, is you. Sometimes you have to learn to have a goal and then separate from the outcome. The best performers in life and sports have a goal to win the game, but while they're in the moment of executing, they separate from the outcome.

19:02They're not addicted to the outcome. When I watch the best of the best play, the NFL playoffs are going on right now. I can tell the people that are so addicted to the outcome and what it's going to mean. If we lose, what are they going to say about me? If we win, what are they going to say about me? And the guy who's just playing, he wants to win and has an outcome to win just like the other guy. But this guy in the moment, the ball snapped separates from outcome and just executes the other guy. Every move is sort of attached to what it'll mean, what it'll mean in the future. If we lose, what it'll mean.

19:32If I catch this, what will it mean? If I drop it, what will it mean? And for a lot of you, it's always, well, if I make that goal, what will it mean? What will they think of me? How will I feel about me? And if I don't, what will they think? How will they feel? And that's what gives you all your anxiety is worrying about something in the future and what someone's going to think, say, or do about it. So these goals and dreams are beautiful, but you got to be, and sometimes you got to set the goal and then separate from outcome. The most beautiful moments of your life are the most memorable, where you were the most present, where you got the most bliss.

20:02You know what a dream is, is it's really a glimpse into what's possible in your life. And most days those things are more possible if you just be present. You know, the things that I remember in my life were the moments I was fully present. Probably the most vivid memory of my life was my dad's passing. I was fully present in that moment when I was with my dad. And as a result of that, it's burned into my memory, every nuance, every detail, I can see it and feel it and experience it again. The birth of Max and Bella equally or more significant to that. I clearly remember it. I can clearly give myself the gift of those moments.

20:46I was fully present. Isn't it interesting that the things we cherish the most are the ones we were fully present for. And most of the time it didn't involve achievement. it involved being and i i'm such a huge person that believes in achievement and i really believe that achievement is done one day at a time one decision at a time one action at a time and you are better at that one action that one day if you're fully present in it and you're not somewhere else you'll not only enjoy it more you'll be more effective i'm my best podcaster when i'm just right in it in that moment. My best sales calls of my life where I was just right there, nowhere else, making people feel like they're the most important thing in the world to me because they were in that moment.

21:39People aren't the means to an end. They are the end. They're all of it. They're the means and the end. And when someone is fully present with you, you feel that you're more influential. You're more persuasive. Some of the most miserable people in terms of emotions are the people that you look up to the most. I can tell you this and I've cherished every guest that's ever been on my show. I've had, you know, I've moved the show recently where I, like most podcasts, everyone's trying to have the most famous person on. And I thought, well, I have businesses already. I want to have the most effective and impactful show.

22:10So just because someone's famous doesn't get you a ticket in a seat with me, you better have something to say something to add. And what I have found is a lot of times people that are super famous or successful, they speak in platitudes, generalities, You watch the interview and it's like I didn't write anything down or get anything out of it. That's not always. I've had very famous people on like Matthew McConaughey and great athletes like Kurt Warner or Troy Aikman or others that are just incredibly contributory when they're on the show. But I find that that's the exception and that it's people with real lives that really make a difference that are having real breakthroughs.

22:44And so some of the most miserable people are the ones that you know. They've been chasing notoriety, chasing fame, chasing achievement. it, you'd think, well, why aren't they happier? Because they built a pattern of always being in the future. So when they won the Academy Award, they enjoyed it for like 10 seconds and they were always on to the next thing. They won the Super Bowl. They barely enjoyed it. I remember watching Nick Saban, who I admire a great deal, won a national championship and running off the field after the national championship with this tremendous stress on his face. He was already on to the next one.

23:14And I wonder, it must be great to have won seven of them. I admire him so much. He's the greatest coach in the history of college football. I think he's 1-7. Maybe I'm thinking of Belichick in football. I don't know. But both of them are the two goats. I think Belichick and NFL in him. But did they enjoy any of it? You know, what's it matter if you didn't enjoy it? What's it matter? You know, some of the best moments of your life were just holding the hand of somebody that you love. Or taking in a beautiful sunset. Don't you remember that? When I just said it? Nothing's as good as peace. Nothing's as good as connection with god Nothing's as good as engaging and experiencing the holy spirit Feeling bliss feeling peace And i'm just here to be an advocate to tell you that you can have both and I actually think The more you have a connection with god the more you take in that sunset The more you are present with your children the more you are present in that business meeting The easier it is to get to these finish lines.