The Hard Truth: Why Your Hardest Days Create Your Greatest Success | Ed Mylett

24:41You don't need to decide to never quit. You just need to decide right now I'm getting up right now. I'll make one more call right now. I'll do one more workout right now. I'll read one more book right now. I'll go one more day right now. One more, just do one more. It's such a powerful concept. If you've not read the power of one more, go get it. By the way, I should say this to you. You should be on my email list. Everything I send you is going to be free. If you go to edmylet.com, you just put your email there. I think it says join here or follow here at the top, whatever. Go to edmylett.com and be in there.

25:12And by the way, let God's grace carry you and trust that he'll bring you through. But you got to step up and be resilient. Remember this, by the way, the best ability is availability. You got to be available. The great ones like Deion Sanders during that season, the best ability was he was available. So many people just aren't available. They miss too many hours. They miss too many meetings. They miss too much stuff. They allow too many things in their conditions to affect their behavior. here. The great ones do not do this. And that's why habits matter. Rituals matter. Routines matter. Because when we're down, when we're under pressure, when we're hurting, we resort to habit mode because our brain kind of checks out.

25:51And if your habit's to get up and fight, if your habit's to get up and do it anyway, if your habit is to show up and give it your best, regardless of how you feel, then that will be your default setting. But if your habit has always been, and it's been mine in the past. Yeah, I got to rest a little bit. I got to evaluate this. You know, I'm really hurting right now. They got to take a breather because that's what everybody does, but everybody's not successful. There's this whole thing in the world. Now everybody wants to be successful. Everybody wants to build a big company. Everybody wants a great body.

26:25Everybody wants a great relationship. Everybody wants a bunch of money, but nobody's willing to do the work on the hard days. They're I just listened to a great Instagram video. Man, I'm fired up. Yes, someone said yesterday. Here we go. But what happens when three no's in a row, somebody quits on you, somebody hurts you, and you're feeling physically ill? Can you get up those days? Can you push through? Can you do what winners do? And when you do what winners do, you get what winners get. You get what Jordan gets. You get what Kerry Scruggs gets. You get what Tiger Woods gets. There's a great story.

26:57Kobe Bryant tears his Achilles tendon. But they need him to make the free throw. Just stay in the game to win. They're like, Kobe, you tore your Achilles. It's okay, bro. We'll show you the clip. He walks out on the court and makes two free throws with a torn Achilles tendon. That's why he's Kobe. That's why he was Jordan. That's why he's Tiger. That's why she was Serena. That's why Carrie Scruggs is Carrie Scruggs. And I promise you, if you went through the lives of these people you admire, they played hurt. They found a way. They built that muscle. It's the separator. I tell my kids this all the time.

27:33Max, when he golfs, and he said to me, Dad, I don't have my swing. Hey, Max, it's the days you don't have your swing. Hang in. Shoot a decent score today. Go work on your swing on the range after. Come back tomorrow with your A game. But you've got to score with your B game or your D game. This is the separator. And let God's grace carry you through. We all go through pain in our lives. We all do. It's part of life. It's like, if you're not in pain right now, you're probably going to be soon. So why not have a blueprint, a mindset, a habit, a way of being that says, oh, I see what's going on here, devil.

28:11Okay, I'm stepping up. I'm getting more faithful. I'm taking more action. I'm coming back stronger. I'm built for this. And by the way, I know some of you listening go, I've just never been that way. That's okay. Neither were these people until they started to be that way. No one's born like that. What happens is they all hit a wall at one point and said, I'm tired of running. I'm tired of quitting. I'm tired of giving in when I'm hurt. I'm tired of backing up. I'm going to stop. At some point, Kobe Bryant said, I'm going to stop backing up. I'm going to stop making excuses. I'm going to stop quitting.

28:43I'm going to stop flinching. And I'm going to step into this. At some point I did. And I'm not equating myself with those people. But I know what it's like to give in to an injury. I know what it's like to lay down too long when I'm down. I know many years ago, even at the prime of my health and fitness, I didn't work like I do now. And I'm probably in the worst physical condition I've been in in decades. Actually, certainly ever. Yet I think I've been delivering the best content of my life. Most athletes will tell you, by the way, any of you that played sports? My dad used to tell me this when I played sick.

29:18Most athletes, most business people play better hurt. Especially you got a little bit of a fever running. everything kind of slows down a little bit. It causes you to focus a little bit deeper and a little bit more. You kind of have to move out all the noise and stay in the moment because that's all you have energy for. A lot of times you're better. And here's the truth. None of that's real pain. I was thinking about real pain this morning. I woke up, had a lot on my mind and I was still fuzzy from waking up. And I thought, Oh, I'll call dad. And it wasn't for about 10 minutes until I got up and started to move around, I remembered I can't call my dad.

29:58My dad's been passed away now for three years. I don't know if any of you has ever lost somebody, but every once in a while, you forget. You have a great moment. You think you'll call them or you have a dream that's so real when they're in it. And I woke up this morning and for about 10 minutes, I was planning on calling my dad this morning. And then I realized I can't. You don't know real pain until you crave a conversation with someone that's no longer with us. That's some pain. And then I had to decide today, don't feel real good. Wish I could call my dad and I can't. That hurts. I think I'll honor him with what I do today.

30:42I could have chose a different decision. Yeah. I worked real hard. I've got a little bit of money. It'd be okay if I kick the curb, can down the curb a little bit did this tomorrow i don't want to do that fact what my producer will tell you is i texted him about two hours ago i said let's do one more today too so we're actually doing more today he probably wondered why he's learning right now i decided to do more today because it's one of those days i'm not going to meet my normal standard i'm going to do one more so real pain is that stuff and if you have that in your life where you can't call someone because they're not here anymore honor them and make them proud of you with what you do on the days you're hurting very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes now on to our next guest welcome back everybody i've been talking to this man about having him on the show here for i don't know, like six or eight months.

31:44And you would think, well, you want to have a mom because he's this, you know, Grammy nominated artist that everybody knows. And that's not really why I wanted a mom. I wanted a mom because this man has dimension and depth. He's a really unique person because he's obviously very talented, sold millions and millions of records, but he's got this dimension and depth because of his life experience and because of his work on himself and personal development. He's also got a book out called Adversity for Sale. And it's really, really good. I read the entire thing in two days. So, GZJ Jenkins, welcome to the show.

32:15What's up? How you doing, my brother? It's so good to have you, and I'm doing very well. It's an honor to be here, man. Well, thank you. I'm honored to have you. I listen to your show every morning. Well, I do, you know, you put episodes out, like, every couple days, so I check you out. Thank you. Yeah. You wrote one about adversity. Yes. And I'm like, because this is a ton of topics you could have done about, you know, overcoming limited beliefs, overcoming your environment, because you had, you transcended an environment, which is very rare in life. why is adversity the topic of the book and why did you think this is the thing i want to talk about oh wow that's a great question um that's what i pride myself in you know i'm saying like i would be that adversity specialist if you will yeah um that's what keeps me going that's that's that's my purpose my purpose is to continue to evolve no matter what but to continue to give that information back to my culture and to my people and to be an example of what it's like to to come out of that because every situation that i've been in and it's funny that we was talking about god i don't care how crazy it got he always put somebody in my life around the time that i needed some information or a ear or a connection or just the process it never fails right and And I truly believe that he does that for me to show people that you can maintain your integrity and be a solid individual and still survive.

33:51Love it. You know, without doing anything that would go against who you are as a man and then your legacy. Because, you know, when you think about some of the great leaders, they did great things, right? but their integrity is what kept you locked into them right because you got people that's successful but they did a lot of foul things and when you hear people talk about them you're like wow i never knew that and and adversity to me is that small glare of hope because if i tell you what i went through in this book your life might be totally different but you might be up against the same odds i can tell you that that's the truth my life is totally different than yours but I see great storytellers tell me stories with a you meaning.

34:39Right. So as I read your work, I didn't grow up like that, but I have my version of it in my life. And so the lessons in the book, the lessons in this conversation, I don't care what someone's life story is. Right. These are facts. Like you said something so important that God has sent you that person when you needed them, the information, the insight, whatever it might be. Yeah. I want everybody to hear this man said this. And the reason that I want you to hear it is he does that for you too. The difference is you need to be an expectation that he's going to and aware that he's going to, because he has probably sent those people to you previously in your life.

35:14And if you're not aware he's doing it or open to the possibility he's doing it, you will miss them. Yeah. You will miss them. It's like that analogy of the people that are sitting on the roof during the flood. Someone comes by and says, hey, jump on the boat. Nope. I'm waiting for God to save me. Somebody else comes by in a boat. I'm waiting for God to save me. Third guy comes by in a boat. I'm waiting for God to save me. Then they drowned and they get to heaven and they go, God, I thought you were going to save me. He goes, I sent three damn people in a boat. Three boats in a puppy. Get in the damn boat, right?

35:40And so there's some, you have to be an expectation that God is going to send you a blessing at some point. But if you're not looking for it and expecting it, you don't hear them or see them or feel them and then you miss them. You know, on Wayfair, I found the perfect outdoor planners for our house and a garden bed for my wife. On Wayfair, you can find quality materials that stand up to real life. Shop furniture and decor that's built to last with Wayfair verified. Your shortcut to durable pieces, hand-vetted by product specialists, using a 10-point quality inspection test. They test things like materials, the functionality, features, even how long it takes to build.

36:18It's really cool. Wayfair Rewards members get 5 % off every day, helping you get even more value from your Wayfair purchases. You can find options that fit your style and your budget and create a home you love without overspending. Shop across a wide range of price points to find what's right for you. Wayfair has more than 20 million verified five-star reviews from real shoppers, so it's legit. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5 % back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair. Everything style.

36:52Everything home. So what happens when your dunking stops being a one-night contest and becomes a professional sport? This is Dunk Man. Presented by Shaquille O 'Neal, Dunk Man brings together 24 of the world's most explosive dunkers for a season of high-flying competition, unbelievable athleticism, and some serious pressure. Across four group-staged events, these elite athletes will battle head-to-head, throwing down their biggest, boldest, most creative dunks for a chance to advance. This is so cool. But only the best will earn a spot in the Dunkman World Championship where a massive$500 ,000 grand prize is on the line.

37:30Every jump matters. Every dunk could change everything. And when the lights come on, there's nowhere to hide. Dunkman is a partnership with Eli Lilly. Premieres live July 21st and every Tuesday at 8 p.m. on TNT and streams on HBO Max. Get ready to witness Duncan like you've never seen before. Dunk Man on TNT, presented and commissioned by Shaquille O 'Neal. You have to be in a good place too, though. You have to be in a good place with yourself. I really realized that because there was times that I wasn't in a good place with myself, and it was just a bunch of noise. I let things on the outside of me control my emotions, how I felt.

38:07You know what I'm saying? I just had to come to a place where, and I'm not there yet, of course, But I just started to understand what peace was like to get a little taste of that. And I started to understand what going inward was about. Because the minute I started going inward, everything changed. Because now I can't fault anyone in my life for what they've done to me. I have to look inside and see how I reacted or what I've done to contribute to that. right and and i can't blame anyone else right and for me um when i started to understand that is when things started to slow down right because i wasn't present i go have conversations with people it's all on the surface yeah it's all good whatever i'm gone but then i started taking time like to look people in their eyes and be like are you all right man how you feeling like what's going on and started to have conversations where i wasn't you know leading all of the conversation like you You know, just tell me, you know, how you feeling?

39:08What's going on? And when people came to me, you know, and I pride myself on having a lot of advice. That's just like my thing. You know, I think I'm like, you know, the therapist among the crew. You know what I'm saying? But I ask them. I ask them now, though. I say, you know, one is, you know, do you want me to just listen? You know what I'm saying? Two is, do you want me to tell you what I think? Or three is, do you want me to side with you? Because I could do that, too. You know what I'm saying? So I could be like, oh, that's crazy. That should have never happened. And I started to understand because, you know, where we come from, it's hard for somebody to tell you how they really feel.

39:39It took me until I was 40 to tell somebody I was sad or I was depressed. You know what I'm saying? Think about that. Or I don't feel confident about this. You know what I'm saying? Or that I might be, you know, concerned. Yeah. Because when you're that guy, you have to. You can't show weakness. Yeah, you can't show anything. You said earlier, I'm depressed. I'm drinking. Right. I'm drinking a bottle of champagne in the morning, moving a tequila in the afternoon. You're eating. You're heavy. Yeah. Right? You're stressed. You're worried. You're running. You're running. You're running. Is there any one thing you did?

40:09Or was there any one moment? Or was it just an accumulation of things where you're like, that's enough. I can't do this anymore. I would say this. I didn't have a purpose before then. I was just chasing money and trying to get out of my situation. And he did that. God did that for me. He took me out of my situation. And I'm four albums in, about eight million records sold. Crazy. like but what am I doing for him what how am I continuing his message what am I doing he he took me out of a situation where I could have a life sentence it was there I still don't know how I thought that by the way I think about that all the time but it was there right and I've lost you know so many people and I sat there and I'm just like yo like you know right now I'm the issue I need to work on myself because the things that I have going on inside of me, it's no way to lead anyone, right?

41:01And I'm making music. So I got millions of people listening to me and listening to what I'm saying. I'm not a saint, but I do got common sense, right? And it's just like I'm saying things that might affect people in different ways. But I'm like, and my thing is the audio got to match the video, right? So I'm saying, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying this stuff, but I'm doing something else, right? and I got to get on line with what I'm saying. So now I'm walking into it. And it was the scariest thing in my life. And by the way, just so we clear, I was met with a moment where I knew it was a moment.

41:38Meaning I was, my first album came out, I was selling, and this is a statute of limitations, by the way, anybody listening, I'm good. I talked to my lawyers about it. And I had to make a decision, which was one of the biggest decisions. I had to make a decision what I was going to do because I was trying to balance the streets and music. And I had some small piece of success, and I had to walk away cold turkey from the streets. Now, mind you, that may depend on music, right? And when I did that, I had three of those Nextel chirp phones. That's what we used to talk on. and all those phones had a lot of money on them.

42:21Like people owed me money. And I woke up and I just said, I'm not doing this no more. I put the phones in the bag, threw them in the trash bin in my building and I walked away, right? And that was like my first, like, okay, I'm going to do this music stuff. Now mind you, about eight months later, I'm performing at a show and tear my vocal cords. Now I can't talk. I got a record deal with a major label I can't talk I got shows booked up from here to 2000 whatever I can't go on the stage and that was the first time he humbled me he humbled me he humbled me and I had to really look at this and go I'm so close this could happen what do I need to do and that was just a lot of praying a lot of confusion and then he let me live I got a throat surgery that I didn't have insurance at the time imagine I had Lamborghinis all this stuff and no health insurance imagine that so I had to pay for my surgery with cash and then I got back out there and I started the same same thing and then that's when he hit me again with Bell's palsy he hit me with Bell's palsy in my face my face got crooked and my mouth was and it was like my eye was shut was that from stress?

43:39that was God cause he let me live again and I went back out and started doing the same thing and was going about it the same way. And after that, I was just like, you know what, man, I got to change something because I've been too blessed. You know what I'm saying? And now I'm looking at it and I'm going like, the next thing might not even be something I can recover from. And that's what started me to just start to understand that I got to start fixing some of my ways. And it first started with like a lot of my personal stuff I would do. Like, you know, just, you know, I came from a situation where if you sit down with somebody, it's like sitting down and you're being interrogated.

44:15I'm not going to tell you the truth. You know what I'm saying? I can't. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it's against the cold and it might get me in a lot of trouble. But then I started to notice that a grown man should never lie, even if it's going to get him out of trouble. You know what I'm saying? So now I got to change this. You know, that wasn't easy to do because I was taught to say whatever I had to say to get out of any situation. And now I'm having to work through this. And that was like the first step. And then it started going on different steps, different steps. And when I got to a place where I started to answer your question, when I started to realize that I got to do some work, right?

44:50I didn't know where. I didn't know where to start. I just started YouTube and stuff, talking to older people, telling I had my business partner. Now he's been my business partner for like 20 years. I would just go sit with him and tell him what's really going on. I'm like, man, I got about five people trying to kill me. I got beef with these guys over here and that, and then this is happening. That was, I was in the shootout last week, and now this is that, and I got to go to California, and this is happening. And he's just like, okay, okay, just calm down. okay, what are you concerned about most?

45:16And then we started to, like, work through primes, and he's like, okay, have you ever thought about reaching out to them and, you know, just having a conversation? But my thing was, you know, they're the opposition, so I got to press because I can't let my guys think that I'm trying to sort all these things out. And I just started to understand that there is a such thing called conflict resolution. So that started to help me out a little bit as far as my life. And now I got in a space where I started having a little piece, and I was able to start like working on myself, like my health and reading books and just all these different things.

45:50And that thirst for knowledge kicked back in because I hate learning in school. When I was in school, like I dropped out of school in the sixth grade. I got my GED when I was in boot camp. That's crazy. Right. And then around that time, it just hit me again. I just had this thirst for like knowledge and I just started going around asking people questions. And think about this now. It went from me asking, you know, somebody that I knew that worked at a restaurant that I just felt like had some type of prestige. From that point to me calling John Maxwell and going, hey, I got seven questions I need to ask you.

46:22You know John. He like, shoot him at me. To that, to Robert Green, to Robin Sherma, to all these – Tony. Tony Robbins. And all these – and not to like name drop, but it's just like, I'm getting this information now to give back to the coach because I'm able to go outside of my comfort zone to get it. But this stuff helps me with my life as well. Like we was talking about Louis earlier. But I've always been that type of person. So to answer your question, I got the information from the people that I respected at the time that I was able to mingle with. And I don't come as a, you know, my reputation exceeds me.

47:00Meaning like I don't come. And by the way, the most gangsta guys where I'm from are the coolest guys you'll ever see. They're not loud. They're not boisterous. They're like Denzel in American Gangsta. They're real smooth, but they will reach out and touch you. I can tell you, this is like an all-time great conversation. It's an all-time great conversation. A lot of things about you that I notice. One is how self-aware you are. Just driving out here. I think you were here today. There's millions of people who are going to be like, oh, my God, this is unbelievable. But at the same time, lately on this show, God sends me the right person in that seat for me.

47:35I've got some stuff going on in my life right now that's not great, and some of it's betrayal stuff with other people like we were talking about. However, I was just talking to somebody, actually someone that's producing a TV show I'm doing right now. Literally before you got here, I was driving out here. And I said, I want to figure out what God's trying to teach me with this lesson. And that's one of the things you said earlier is like, what am I supposed to be learning from this? What am I supposed to be? I'm not going to get nothing. Eric Thomas says all the time, you better get something for your pain.

48:01Right. You know, and the other thing you do very well is a lot of times when you begin to teach things you're learning, you begin to own them more. So a lot of you that are learning things, listening to the show, you don't teach it enough to other people. And the more you begin to teach it, the more you actually begin to live it. People think, I can't teach any of this until I'm living it. No, you could say, look, I'm not good at this yet, but this is what I'm learning. And the more you begin to teach something, I found in my own life, like not everything I've taught all the time I was doing at the time, but I was honest enough to say I wasn't.

48:32This isn't me yet. Let me tell you, this is what so-and-so gave me advice on or what I know I need to change about me. And the more I taught things, the more I own them. The other thing I've always wanted to know about you, and I know the answer because it's in the book and in interviews you've done, but of all the people you collaborated with, one of the other things that holds people back in addition to, and by the way, I want to step back. You play such an important role in culture right now because of what you just said. There are not enough people reaching people in the communities you come from or young people with this knowledge and information.

49:04The world's different. This isn't 30 years ago where you could just get a Tony Robbins tape. There are dudes like me, guys like you, people like John, that this information's there, but it's not what most people from these communities are consuming on their feed every single day. And the fact that you're saying, hey, listen, I come from this, let me teach you this. And this could be someone from a particular culture, a particular age group, a particular part of the world. That's why I do this. Podcasting is not a big source of revenue for me. I mean, like, I got businesses. That's real. Right?

49:36But what it is for me is, and by the way, serious. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. We're in the middle of a negotiation right now. That's a whole other story. But having said that, but I want to make sure to acknowledge you and the role that you're playing. And again, this combination. I received that, brother. It's a fact. And the combination of your humility with your confidence is crazy. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.

50:06Welcome back to the show, everybody. Well, I wish this was in person, but it'll still be fire today. I'm with, there is no better motivational speaker of all time. That's what you all know him for. But I got to know him a little better. And I'm going to tell you one thing about him. I don't know a better man. I wish I was around him more so I could tell you more stories. But I will tell you this. When my book came out, very few people stepped forward and said, hey, brother, how can I help you? and this man stepped forward in a way like nobody else did and helped me in ways that I will never forget till the day I die his support for me and my family and as great of a communicator as he is I admire him I look up to him as a husband as a father as a friend and as an entrepreneur as well but particularly as a man of faith and as a husband and a father I know no better man than him and I could give somebody no bigger compliment man to man than I'm giving him right now so ET me eric thomas welcome back to the show i love you and it's great to have you here what's up fam man i love you as well you've been around lots of highly successful people and you are one and one of the things that i think most people don't know is the level of work required of effort meaning like i don't know i i i think if someone spent the last five years with me in business and they i'm not trying to brag but like if they thought they worked hard there's levels to this game or like in the speaking game you and I talked when the the stuff hit the last couple years there's just levels to the work ethic and the grind the things you got to do you look at a Steph Curry in basketball oh he's such a gifted shooter actually he's not actually it's the grind actually Tiger and Jack Nicklaus the amount of golf balls they hit actually Judge and Otani in baseball you have no idea the amount of work and even in coaching you and I've been around all these great college football coaches but I think it's one of the hardest jobs in the world there's a level to where Saban played at Dabo Sweeney who I know you've been with like so talk I think most people are like it about and you talk about this a lot like maybe the 50 60 percent of their capacity or effort and that is not going to get it done no matter how much you sit around and do other things that serve you there's a level to this thing and you've been close to it and you are at it talk about that for a minute look I want to say this to everybody that's listening here's what I think would be the easier thing to do just lower your expectations i'm just being real like you know when i was with and he was doing the book launch i'm just being real i did a book launch it would probably 70 on that level in terms of i wasn't just in the rub don't get it twisted i'm not a good guy okay i'm god makes me a better man i was in the room learning i wasn't i promise show i wasn't just in there talking i listen to me i don't even know if ed knows this after before i did my thing and after i did my thing i was all the way in the back sitting down i didn't know that i was all the way in the back of the room with a pin in the pad i didn't know that like studying like yo e bruh this is being real you're not on this level like you're not you're not one you're not on this level in terms of like maximizing you know your network like you're not you're not you're not on that the the space that we were in listen to me i don't know if i told you this but your your guy he ended up helping me um like what what would you call it like renovate the church and put beautiful signing on it he don't even live here i did not even live here he helped he helped me he made some phone calls he called up he's like if i gotta leave charlotte and come down there i got you but i'm gonna try to find somebody this is what i'm talking about y 'all like so i was in the building learning seeing who ed was connecting with then connecting with them afterwards so here's my deal when i was in the room i had to say to myself e if you want some of this stuff ed got e you're gonna have to gotta raise your game some so you got an option you could even go hey me being in the room with ed and watching what ed was doing this this is strictly for recreational purposes.

54:18You feel me? It's like, hey, this recreational purpose, bro, go ahead and get out of here. Or AE, God showed it to you. He showed it to you. He showed you a level. Are you ready? And so for me, it was like, absolutely, I'm ready. So I just want to say this to you guys. Either lower your expectations because you don't have to do everything you see other people do. You don't have to do it. You could just go, man, it's like going to a basketball game. You're not trying to suit up and do what Curry does. but when you look at it you kind of thinking oh he human like i'm human so i can't watch yourself okay watch yourself you might not want to put them sneaks on you might not want to get in that gym and when i saw it do when i went back i was like okay e number one you got to get more organized so like you got passion you got energy but what you saw at ed you saw a system you saw a structure you saw people over here and people over here and people doing it and people in the back and when you get in people in the parking so it's like even when you get to the crib from a speaking standpoint you you definitely give it 1000 but from a structural standpoint you're not giving 1000 then i look at the packages in the dick and i was like e you don't got so y 'all might have saw if you watched it it was a group in here there was a group out there and then the level of men that was on stage who are also dominant in their particular area for i was with people who i've only seen in a podcast i only see these dudes on social media i've never been in a room with them before i was in a room with them and so yes you know i had to come home not necessarily get up earlier not necessarily grind physically harder but i had to take my mental game to another level i had to take my systems game to another level i had to this is a grind that you probably don't no, I had to remove people, which hurts, to bring in a different group of people to take me where I wanted to go because I realized a group that was with me, phenomenal group of humans, phenomenal group of people.

56:18They probably would get to heaven before I get there. But in order to take me from number four to number one, they weren't necessarily the people that could do that. So to add this point, I personally went home and did an evaluation on ET. I personally studied ET and said, yeah you got it going over here but this seed is an apple seed an orange seed this is not a watermelon seed and these seeds that you're planting will never get you watermelon so so yep you got some dynamic are you posting every day you're putting out dynamic stuff but that will not get what you saw ed do in terms of systems and so you got to come home and your new grind is system i don't know what your grind is but i'm telling you i had to start reading books I had to go to conferences.

57:05I had to shift what I was watching online. I had to shift who I was following. Great humans, great people. They were only going to help me sustain this energy. They weren't going to help me with the structure. Here's what I realized. E, nobody's better than you, but there are some people who's got better systems than you. And so if you want to see growth, you got to start grinding on the systems level. So I don't want you to get what Eric said and you miss it you like oh i gotta get up earlier i gotta grind maybe you don't have to get up earlier to accomplish what you've already accomplished but to get this done you do have to make some adjustments and that's what the grind look like and that's what the hustle look like and can i say this ed i'm mad i don't even know if i ever said this before but sometimes and i don't know if you've experienced this sometimes bruh you putting up 40 with 30 rebounds and you like whatever and then you go somewhere and god shows you and i was talking to my son the other day and he kind of was hurt because he was like dad you know you you you acting like i'm and i said hold up i'm sorry you putting up 30 you putting up 10 but the 30 points and the 10 rebounds have nothing to do with the assist you don't get credit for assists because you scored and you got rebounds they they don't they don't take your points and go well we're gonna put those over and rebound they don't take your rebounds and go we're gonna put those with your assist and when i left you you know i there was a part of me that was like god you want me to do more yeah you want me to do more am i not grinding enough he was like absolutely and every seed you planted is gonna grow but you just looked at what ed was doing and you saw there was a gap so you have a choice to make here you got rebounds you got points but the assist son you at zero so what do you want to do and there was a there was a moment where i had to go you're not overwhelmed you're just rising to the level that god is asking you to rise oh my gosh there's no anxiety yeah the bible said be anxious for nothing but in all things through prayer and supplication make your request known to God but there was a 30 second boy was like man God how am I gonna be blessed when I he said how one that's your boy so you can just call of course then I had uh Rory in the back interview me God like yo you don't have to do it you could just and then just and I did just that my relationship with Rory you know went from a person that you know respects him to sitting at his feet to listen to the podcast to studying you guys and i can honestly say after that event system wise you know i've gone to another level so to me that's what it looks like when your expectations your dreams your goals and your grind match and if y 'all not ready to work it doesn't make you a bad human just lower your expectations gosh that's so it's so good and that idea of the grind i want to say one thing everybody when he's talking about rebounds and points the application of that for you is this is that if you're average you keep giving yourself credit for the things you're already doing.

1:00:14But if you want to be extraordinary, you got to go, what's the thing? Like the power of one more in the book. I talk about your one decision away. I think all of you listening to this right now, if I can be honest with you, you already know what it is. You know, the thing you're not doing, you need to be doing that would change your life in your business. You already know what it is. It's having the guts, the courage, the faith to call the shot like an ET's case. I'm going to go back. I need to work harder. I got to get more systematic. Maybe I could even work less hard if I put these systems in place.

1:00:41For you, it might be something you are doing or that you need to stop doing to get your life to the next level. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. Hey, have you ever thought about like running a marathon? Because I've thought about it. I'm like, there's an Ironman in Coeur d 'Alene where I spent my summers. Just the marathon part of it, I was like, that's bananas, 26 miles, you know.

1:01:16Have you ever thought about doing that? Or have you ever watched one of these Ironmans and go, man, I'm going to do that someday? And by the way, it's like about a two and a half mile swim, 112 miles on a bike, 26 mile run. That's kind of what an iron length triathlon is. I want you to imagine doing one of those. Then I want you to imagine getting up the next day and doing it again. Can you imagine back-to-back days? Then I want you to contemplate thinking about doing it 30 freaking days in a row. You got that? How about 50 days in a row? How about 100 days in a row? Get your mind around that, okay?

1:02:00That would be one of the great all-time athletic endurance feats in the history of the world and simultaneously one of the great mental toughness and resiliency feats of all time. guess what i got the dude here today who did it a hundred in a row in a hundred days his name is iron cowboy james lawrence welcome to the program brother okay so i i i don't know if you tuned out after day 100 um do you know what we did the next day no i don't okay so um We did 101. Did you really? And. Did you really? Yeah. So we went live every day during the swim. And I think this is important because of who you are and, you know, your tagline of Max Out.

1:02:54And we turned on the live the following day when I would have normally been swimming every single day. and it was just me in the pool by myself doing one more. And I got asked the question a lot, why did you do one more? And I had a lot of people understand, and then I had a lot of people just, they were confused. And I hate the, because the way I feed my family is I get on stage and we tell our story, we motivate and we do coaching and whatnot. And I love talking from stage and impacting people.

1:03:37And I don't appreciate the speakers that are out there trying to teach a lesson when they haven't done it. They haven't been on the battlefield in the battle. And I felt like I would be a hypocrite if I told people that you can get up and you can do one more. and it the campaign day 100 was on a Tuesday and Sunday night I said I just got the most intense impression James you need to do one more and and I was like are you freaking kidding me like I am broken like I am mentally exhausted I've been showing up for a quarter of a year why would I do one more? And I got the impression it's not for you.

1:04:26And I felt like our team needed to show up and do one more because on your journey, when you're broken and when you are at your limit, I promise you, you can get up and you can do one more. And that one more might be by yourself. And I don't know how many times you're going to have to get up and do one more by yourself, but I promise you, you can get up one more. And I didn't feel like I could bring integrity to our story if I didn't go out. And as a team, we did one more. And so we did, we did one-on-one because I want to lead from the front and I want to show people when you are broken and when you have reached your limit, you can do one more.

1:05:19James, the book I'm writing right now is called one more. You just stole the title of my next book. Ed, we're in a fight. I'm going to be out before you. And I'm adding your story to the book because I have the rights to this podcast, but I'm not exaggerating. I'm almost done. And I told you that you went on this journey. You did this. I know you did it for my audience, but you just did it for me. And so I'm sure the books will be very different in content, but yeah, the, my book is the power of one more and it'll be out in the fall. I'm so excited for that book. I'm just blown away that you just said that that may be the craziest thing has ever been done on the show.

1:05:59And it was at the end. I hope everyone's still listening. Cause that's a, that's a wow. Thank God you added that to an unbelievable conversation. So that was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. All right, everybody, welcome back to the show. Today is very easy for me. It's a joy because I get a chance to share one of my best friend's brilliant mind and incredible heart with you guys. He's been on the show multiple times, and you guys know I'm pretty judicious about who I have on the show more than one time.

1:06:32And so when someone repeats that makes me know and you should know that there's somebody that I just believe makes a huge impact in the world. And so my dear friend that's here today is the co-founder of mastermind.com, along with his partner and friend and my friend, Tony Robbins. And he's here to talk today about changing your life, but also an event they have called the Game Has Changed Live event. It's a live event. It's called The Game Has Changed. It's June 13th through 15th of 2024 coming up. And if you're interested in the event, which you should be, just go to Dean and Tony live.com slash Ed Dean and Tony live.com slash Ed.

1:07:09And that means Dean Graciosi must be here today. So Dean, welcome to the show, brother. It's always so good to be here with you. And this is how we get to catch up. I know we're both busy, so we get to catch up on a podcast every two years. It's fantastic. Here's something you're going to have to all accept. And if you already have at an even deeper level, if you're going to win, you got to change your relationship with pain. You got to do hard things and build the habit of doing hard things. And what you wouldn't know about Dean, but I'm going to make him speak to it right now. This dude leans, his tendency is to drive through the smoke.

1:07:49I tell this story about we used to sponsor Carl Edwards, the NASCAR driver. I said, what's the scariest thing about driving NASCAR? He goes, easy question to answer. When there's an accident in front of you and there's all this smoke and you're going to drive 150 miles an hour through that smoke and you don't know what's on the other side, you could be hitting something head on and you're done. And he said, I've learned to drive through the smoke. And the people that I know that are ultra successful, they have a different relationship with fear and pain and they drive through the smoke. They do hard things.

1:08:17They build the muscle fibers mentally of doing hard things that other people avoid doing or try to find a way around a smarter, easier way. And that is not you. You've gotten where you are, and I don't want you to be humble about this because this dude does difficult things. He does difficult things, quite frankly, like most people do easy things. He just runs towards the smoke. Tell him about that about you. Don't be humble. I appreciate the kind words I would have to say it's true Because what I realized at a young age is my father I'm not going back to childhood, but my father stressed about all the little things And you know, you don't realize this stuff when you're in it, Ed You realize when you look back after 20, 30 years But my dad freaked out and stressed about$100 ideas $1 ,000 ideas And I watched the pain this guy went through And I remember at a young age just thinking to myself if I solve, like my dad worries so much about the little things.

1:09:18What if I put that much energy in just the bigger things? And what happens when you're young and you start that way of thinking, it's honestly a lot easier because I was 17, 18, young, naive, dumb in some cases, right? So I just ran towards the fire saying, if my dad's going to stress so much about a thousand dollar deal, what if I did it on 5 ,000,$10 ,000 deals? And the proof is in the pudding. And you know this, Ed, some of your biggest deals that you probably have done in your life had less stress than one of the smaller deals you've done. And what I've done is just programmed myself to say, how could I go after something bigger?

1:09:51You know, I just be honest. I read, um, green lights by McConaughey, right? Yeah. I get done with that book. Just like I felt with your book. I got done. I'm like, damn, this is good. I want more. Like the world needs more McConaughey. So I had a mutual friend. I got a voice memo over to McConaughey and I told my team, we're going to help this dude build a course through what we do, right? We're going to help build a course. We're going to do a live event and we're going to help get this course in the hands of tens of thousands of people. My team's like, how the heck could we get that done, right?

1:10:23When I got on the phone with his attorney, working with celebrities is different. You have an agent, you have attorney, you have somebody and rightfully so. This crazy world, you do one thing off, it could hurt your brand, right? We get done with a meeting. My team gets off and goes, no way this is happening. How do you make that person happy, that person happy, that person happy? McConaughey's the sweetest man on the planet. You've interviewed him. He's the sweetest guy. But my team's like, no way that's happening. So we get done with this meeting and I go in and sit with my team like, what do you guys think?

1:10:52Like, no way in hell. It's never going to happen. How do you satisfy so many people? And I'm like, listen, you guys, that means no one else can do it besides us. Let's just do whatever it takes. And if we go all the way and it doesn't happen, then I'm going to love the lessons we learned along this journey. And I know it takes years to get up to that, you know, to do an event like that. But it was one of the toughest events on the planet and the most rewarding in my life. and tough in the meaning of just every ad that we did, every visual that we did, how to be approved by five different people, how to work.

1:11:30And I would not change one bit of it. I've created new friends. McConaughey became a friend and we did the largest event in the history of the world. We had two and a half million people on day one, live. Like insane what we did. And we put his course in the hands of tens of thousands of people. They all loved it. They thank him to this day. People find him on the street and thank him. In fact, the last thing I'll say, I said to McConaughey, what'd you think of the whole experience? And he said, well, I thought you were crazy at first. I thought I'd never do something like this. I said, well, what do you think now?

1:11:59He said, uh, I realize it's the greatest experience of my life because my whole life I play. He said, my whole life I've played a character that was written by somebody else, directed by somebody else, edited by somebody else. He said, I got to play me. So when people come up, they don't go, I love the character. They say, thank you. That goes to my point from earlier, brother, which is that you get to play you. See, you're most fulfilled when you're expressing the real you. And even someone like Matthew McConaughey, who's had all these external accolades, says it's the best experience of his life because he got to express him.

1:12:35And that's when we're fulfilled. I really believe probably the most under-pursued, underspoken about part of fulfillment in life right now in the personal development industry is the level of fulfillment one feels when they're the fullest expression or the truest expression of themselves and serving people. And if you're looking for a pathway to have a little bit more juice in your life, peace, happiness, fulfillment, I believe that's the place to look. Am I expressing myself, my love, my gift, my knowledge, my information, my feelings to the people around me, to the broader world in a way that fulfills me.

1:13:15And if you're not, if you're holding these things in, which is what most people do, they hold their feelings, they hold their thoughts, they hold what they believe in, they hold their opinions, they hold their knowledge, I believe you're dying. I believe that's the beginning of a death of our spirit. And I believe, you know, not to be very, you know, faith-based here, but I really believe this. God did not make you for you to repress your greatness, for you to suppress your expression of you. You're not doing what I believe is God's will in your life when you suppress your stance, when you suppress your knowledge, when you cheat another human being out of the gift of you helping them.

1:13:56And I always say this. My life changed because my dad got sober. But my dad got sober because somebody helped him get sober. Another human being said, I can help you. And by the way, what qualified them wasn't they were this magnificent, perfect person. What qualified them is they at one time were also an alcoholic and a drug addict. And that's what was qualifying them. So ironically, the great pain they went through in their life was the qualifier to help other people. Perhaps that's what you should be looking at right now, my friend. Maybe this pain you've been through somewhere is the pathway for that expression to help other people and to your fulfillment.

1:14:32Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Milet. Let me ask you a question before we begin today. Do you have any sense right now, like you feel like you're just overloaded and you're overwhelmed with information in your life? Maybe you're having a hard time getting focused. You get distracted pretty easily. Maybe your concentration sort of suffers a little bit, your memory issues. Well, my guest here today is an expert on optimum brain performance, on learning, on learning quickly, and on maxing out your capacity to think and perform in your life.

1:15:11And it was really born out of some tragedy, out of some difficult events out of his childhood. He's turned those tragic events into becoming a world-renowned expert on brain performance. And today, I'm really blessed because I've been chasing this guy for a while. I've wanted him to share his brilliance with you, the audience. And I'm grateful that he's here today because we're about to change your life and change the way you learn, think, and perform. So my guest today is the great Jim Quick. Jim, thank you. Ed, thank you so much. I've been looking forward to this so much. Me too, brother. We've had great conversations off camera.

1:15:43And I'm so excited because I know, there's some shows I know that we do that are inspirational. And then there are shows I know that are going to inspire, but also by the end of the program, people's lives are just measurably better and they can perform better. And today is heavy note-taking. If you're driving in the car, you're going to want to hear it, but you're going to want to get back and listen to the video or something too to write the notes down. we're going to cover. So I believe that like you, that ultimately the life you live are the lessons you teach. The O in max out stands for observation.

1:16:13A lot of people say I have a horrible memory and they blame their retention. It's not your retention, it's your attention. You know, I got to, the story I tell is, um, the second time I got to, uh, I got to meet president Bill Clinton and regardless of people's political ideology, everyone would agree. He's got a lot of charisma. He's a great connector, a great communicator. What people don't know, he's got an incredible memory, an incredible memory. The first time I met him was very, very brief. But the second time, he remembered my name. And I was like, okay. He was fed that by security. And then he remembered our last conversation.

1:16:49I was like, nobody was there. He definitely remembers this. And I was like, you know, I'm the memory guy. How do you do this? What memory technique are you using? Because I believe genius leaves clues. And he tells me these stories about his grandfather in Arkansas in the living room, telling the grandkids all these stories, but he would do something different. Afterwards, he would quiz every single one of them to see if they're really paying attention. And I was like, wow, that's... And he went deep in that rabbit hole. And I would notice when he was explaining this to me, we're at a fundraiser, it's 2 ,000 people, and I was sitting right next to him at dinner.

1:17:20And it was like me, Forrest Whitaker, one that had him reward, Richard Branson, Ashton Kutcher, Ashton Kutcher's twin brother. I put this on Facebook. I've seen that on pictures. But I was like this when he's talking to me He's like there's a lot more important people in that room certainly at that table But I feel like I'm the only one and and this is a quality that you have like I can feel this Because I believe like you know you go to events here We're talking about remember names and they're looking over your shoulder. Yes, and who else is important? Yes You know and everyone feels especially women they feel like when your attention goes somewhere else They know it right away or if it's not being distracted outside, you know, they're not paying attention because what are they doing?

1:18:00They're not listening. They're waiting for their turn to speak or they're thinking how they're going to respond. Another habit of highly effective people, seek first to understand, then to be understood. Most people, they want to be understood and they're thinking about all that and they're not interested. They're trying to be interesting. The most, oh my gosh, they're trying to be interesting. They're not interested. That's powerful. Let's just slow that down a little bit. The people whose company I enjoy the most, who are some of the most influential people I've ever met have that exact skill set that you just described.

1:18:33They're less interested in being interesting and they are more interested in you. That is 100 ,000 % true. And Ed, just an explanation. Like they're present with you. You know what I mean? Like you are. Since I walked through this door, you're there. And that's a trained skill. Listen, if you write the word listen on your phone or just in your notes and then scramble the letters, it spells another word perfectly. it spells the word silent. And most people, they can't, they're not silent. They're talking to themselves and they're distracting. And if you're talking to yourself and listening to a new person talk, you can't listen to two conversations at once.

1:19:09You can't multitask. And by the way, just as a side note, there's a myth to multitasking. Everybody, I just have to address this. Give it, I know. Yeah, because, and you know this, the science is saying, everyone who thinks you're doing two cognitive activities, I'm not talking about riding a bike and chewing gum. I'm talking about two cognitive activities. You're not really doing it. It's called task switching. That when you go from one thing to another, which are you're making more mistakes, science has shown this, you're making more errors and you're wasting time. It takes anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes to regain your focus and your flow.

1:19:37What do you do? You hydrate because your brain is mostly water. Even a 2 or 3 % decrease in water in your brain could reduce your reaction time, your thinking ability. When you're fully hydrated, it boosts like 30 % reaction time, thinking, hydrate, and then breathe, deep breathing. Get those six deep breaths in. Actually, to create neurogenesis, neuroplasticity, you'll literally just get smarter. You need two things, novelty and nutrition. Just like if you want to build your body, you give it novelty, you work it out, and then you give it nutrition, you feed it, and then you rest. Because the rest is really important because that's where you consolidate short to long-term memory.

1:20:12So the O is observation. The U, I would go to use. I'm doing this on the spot because I know these are the principles. But I would say, remember a name? Use the name in the conversation. So somebody introduces themselves, and you get it and you say it and you use it because you want to make sure you heard it right. You don't have a conversation with Ed and say goodbye Ted. Right? Some people, you're at a wedding, you're at an event. It's loud, you get distracted. Better to be corrected in the beginning. And then I'm not saying, I'm not going to say use it a million times and you have a beautiful home.

1:20:44Ed, what do you want to talk about? That's abuse. But use it three or four times in the conversation. Now in the context of non-remembering names, use it because anything you learn, if you want to learn it better, If you want to max out with your ability to apply, then you want to always think about how do I use this obsessively. When you're reading something, how can I use this? When you're listening to podcasts, how can I use this instantly? So even people listening to this can be thinking, okay, I have this event tonight or I have this event tomorrow. How am I going to use this? So you're going to use it.

1:21:13And then finally, the T in max out, I would say teach. Intention, intent matters. Intent matters. And what I would suggest everybody do and I would challenge everyone who's listening to do this because with challenge comes the change that you need Right, I would challenge everybody who's listening if you're really serious to use this and not just be all that was entertaining show I would say think about somebody you wish was listening to this right now And let's say you had to teach them tomorrow or teach them or give a TED presentation on Monday about the things If you were to learn with the intention of teaching would you focus better?

1:21:47Would you take better notes? Would you ask better questions on social media? You would own that information. And so when you teach something, you get to learn it twice. When you teach something, you get to learn it twice. When we grew up and we heard that phrase, those who can't do teach, you can't do business, so teach it in business school. Yes, there's a certain truth, but then also I always thought it wasn't a negative. I was like, wow, if I can't do it, teach it, and then I can do it. I can get better at it because when you teach it, you own it, and it becomes you. You're not using their words, you're using your words.

1:22:21Yes. It becomes, you know, who you are. About 20 years ago, I got into the space of teaching people. And so since that time, everything I've listened to related to these topics, everything I've read, every seminar I've attended was with the intention to teach it. That's beautiful. It's exactly what you just said. So I'm getting a double whammy every single time on all of these. Today, and having you here, I'm listening with the intent to teach these things. And because it becomes you. And then that's a double benefit, double whammy, because why learn anything? Number one, so you could benefit from it.

1:22:52But why learn it also? So people you care about could benefit it too. I always believe is you learn to earn to return. You learn, and then with the learning comes earning, and then you could return. You could pay it forward. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Today's special for me because I get to share with you, I just think, one of the most remarkable people walking the earth. She's an amazing woman.

1:23:24I just know I like her very much. And so any chance I get a chance to, any opportunity to spend time with her is a blessing for me. And I know it'll be a blessing for all of you. You all know who she is. There's a lot of things I can say. She's a journalist. She's an author, Emmy Award winner. She was the First Lady of California. She's a philanthropist. but she's just a remarkable and good human being and you're going to feel her spirit today so I'm really grateful she's here Maria Shriver welcome to the show thank you Ed I'm kind of blushing it's all true and there's like 80 other things I can say you know what else she's an amazing mother too and so when you have someone that's this diverse she had an amazing life by the way everybody you can go in a lot of directions so we're going to talk about all kinds of things We're going to talk about, you know, life, wisdom, parenting.

1:24:13We're going to talk about Alzheimer's. It's going to be a far-reaching congo. That's a lot. Are you ready? Oh, I'm always ready. I'm always ready to go in whatever direction you take me. All right. I'm going to take you all over the place today. So when we met, obviously, you have the spirit. I immediately loved and liked you very much. But then I'm like, I'm going to learn more about her. So I read a couple of your books right away, like within a couple of weeks of us. meeting. Yeah. You guys, she's an amazing, she's known as a journalist. I think most people think TV or something like she's an amazing writer.

1:24:47She's an amazing writer. And so I want to ask you this there. You wrote this book, 10 things I wish I'd known before I went out into the real world. Yeah. Right. Can you share with everybody what one or two of those things where I know what they are, but could you share with them? Because people watching the show, a lot of them are younger. Some of them are our age, but they're all looking for some kind of wisdom to make their life better. And in this book, there was a bunch. That was a while ago. I wrote that. I gave a graduation speech, actually. And it came out of that graduation speech where I talked about career.

1:25:20I talked about marriage. I talked about motherhood. I talked about working your way up from the bottom. I talked about who you work for being more important than what you do. I talked about the definition of success. I thought I would actually write a sequel to that book kind of 10, 15 years afterwards. And I started it and then kind of my life blew up. So I learned a lot of things that would go into the sequel that I never anticipated. But I think one of a couple of the things that really still, I think, apply these many years later is the importance, I believe, in working your way up in whatever it is you do.

1:26:03I know some people say, well, you don't have to do that anymore. And I couldn't disagree more. I think it's really important to do every kind of a job in the profession that you choose to be in. Why? Why? Because I think you learn. First of all, I think it gives you self-confidence. I think it gives you knowledge. I think, you know, in journalism for me, I started on the overnight. I did the police radio. I logged other people's tapes. I wrote other people's scripts. I was a producer. I was in the edit room. I learned lighting. I was a sound woman. So when I go out into the field, I know about lighting.

1:26:42I know about sound. I know how to produce. I know how to write. I know how to edit. And it's helped me in every way in my career. And also it helped me build up my self-confidence that I could take care of myself out in the field and then behind the anchor desk. So to the point where when I got to the anchor desk, I felt like I deserved to be there regardless of what anybody else said. You deserved it. I deserved it and I knew I deserved it. So I think that's super important. I think also who you work for is super important. I think you can go get a big job for someone you don't respect or admire, or you can start at the bottom with someone you respect and admire and then work your way up.

1:27:26So I'm a big believer in that as well. And so, you know, there's a lot. I think also kind of the whole superwoman thing being overrated. I think that was a big chapter, I think, for women when I was starting out. And I still think it's worth talking about. There's a lot on women's plates. If you choose to have a high powered career, if you also want to be a wife, if you want to be a mother, if you take on the role of daughter, if you take on the role of caretaker, whatever, all these multiple roles, I think pacing yourself is really important. And acknowledging the kind of marathon of life as opposed to the moment where everybody looks like they're getting ahead of you.

1:28:13Gosh, Maria, I got to tell you, that's very true for me. I acknowledge that. I think I've discovered that maybe just in the last year or two, that there should be a pacing, because that pacing, I think gives a richness to your experience that you don't have if you're just all the time. Yeah. It steals some of the richness out of your life of being even present in certain places because you're so focused all the time on do, do, do, do. And I do think you miss so many things. I totally agree with you on that. I think we don't really have a culture that honors that, right? We don't really have a society that honors you kind of going slow.

1:28:49Everybody, when they meet you, what are you doing now? You write a book and they're like, what's next? You meet a guy. What are you getting married? When are you having a kid? When are you having your next kid? We're always, I gave another graduation speech called the power of the pause. And I really think that that's super important is to, you know, pause in your life, particularly in journalism, where everything is like, you know, reactive, let's get this up. Let's get it up now. wait a minute, should we get it up now? Do I really need to send that text? Do I really need to respond from that place?

1:29:24Do I really need to be first with that story, even if I haven't double, triple checked it? So I think there's a lot to honor in the pause, but we don't honor it when someone says, I'm taking a pause. We think, what's that about? You're right. That's a weakness almost. Yeah, well, not almost. We don't see it as a sign of strength, as a sign of getting to know yourself, as a sign of trying to be more present. You know, it's interesting. I was just writing about this, actually. And I was saying, you know, a full life requires some reflection during it. And I think that's part of the clause. Yes. Don't you though?

1:30:06I mean, I think that, I think if in order to grow, there has to be some rest period of reflection. If you just worked out in the gym every day on the same muscle and it never had a chance to pause and grow and reflect that you're just tearing it down all the time. And so a lot of times I think you can get a little bit further in your life and there's stages for this obviously, but you know, there's, you get further in your life and you've acquired all these things or achievements, maybe they're not even material things or just awards or you were first at this or, but there was no real richness to your life.

1:30:37And that's why I'm so grateful that you're on and you're actually saying these things because I'm writing about it right now. So I agree. That's great that you're writing about it because I think oftentimes people can't see that, you know, they don't see the pause. They don't see a reflection. They don't see you taking a break and going in and thinking about what do I think about this? Somebody once said, you know, they told me that they were sitting there at a desk and just kind of staring into space. And someone came in and said, what are you doing? And they said, this is what thinking looks like.

1:31:14That's awesome. You know, we need to have like, what does it look like to pause? What does it look like to daydream? What does it look like to be bored? What does it look like to be reflective? I came from two parents who went to mass every single day. And that was where they were quiet. So I had a visual of what prayed looked like. I had a visual for going to church, you know, but I didn't have a visual for being. I had a visual for doing, doing those things, doing, doing, doing. but I didn't have a visual for sitting down and going, okay, what does that look like? And so I've tried to model some of that for my children that, you know, how I feel about you, my love for you is not predicated on your doing on your accomplishing on your winning.

1:32:19Yeah. My love for you is there. Yes. unconditionally unconditionally and does not I you don't have to do something to earn it yeah yeah you know it's amazing I I have not been a perfect parent that's one thing no one is no one you know but that's one thing I did well was that I really don't think my children think in any way my love for them is conditional on something they do externally or achieve I think it's a great lesson. By the way, on the topic of thinking, she has another book called I've been thinking, which I recommend. Okay. So I do my research, Maria, but I, I am what is thinking everybody just so before we move on that thinking is the process of asking and answering your questions to yourself.

1:33:06And if you don't have that pause, there's no time to ask yourself the questions. There's no time to reflect. And so this is a really, it's counterculture right now, as she's saying, that's why it's so valuable to have you here.

1:33:20Thank you.