The Hidden Pattern Destroying Your Success (Delete Your Old Self) | Ed Mylett

23:28Man, you can have the Ferrari of talents or the Ferrari of opportunities. But if you're driving a Honda of an identity, you're going to get Honda results. No offense to Honda, but you know exactly what I mean, right? The truth of the matter is you've got to find a way to increase that thermostat setting. and that's through your faith by focusing on your intentions and through your associations to let those people around you heat you up one thing to evaluate we talked about comparing and lack and focusing on the past I'm going to ask you a question what about the people you hang around the most if you took a look at the last 90 days of your four or five best friends when you're around them when you talk with them how much of the conversations are about the past remember this Remember that time?

24:13Remember when we were there? You remember. You remember. Right? Is there a lot of that? Because if that is the case, you're just reinforcing the past. Or maybe you focus on what you don't have. Or maybe they gossip about other people. Or they're comparing to other people. Maybe they're constantly talking about what's going on in the world or around you or things they can't control. Maybe they help you get distracted. And when you start to evaluate the people that are around you, I can just tell you something. I've had lots of friends in my life that I've added, some toxic people I've had to eliminate, but my best friends get me focusing in the present moment or on where I'm going, and we spend very little time talking about the past.

24:52And I'm blessed that many of my friends have incredible pasts at this stage of my life. They could talk about the Super Bowls they won or the millions of dollars they made or the company they built and sold or the amazing family they've raised. They spend very little time talking about the past, even when it's incredible. They're focused in the present moment or they're looking through that windshield going to the future. They spend very little time. But if most of the conversations you have with the people around you are on the past, you remember this, remember that party, remember that time, remember this thing, remember that vacation, remember that time, maybe they compare to other people, maybe they gossip about other people, maybe they focus on what they don't have.

25:28Maybe they are constantly reinforcing that you're enough right where you're at. You know, that's one of the things that's frustrating to me is this notion that you're enough right where you're at. Well, yes, you need to accept who you are, but there ought to be this part of you that's hungry to grow. I want my friends not to accept me as I am, but to have high expectations of where I'm going. I want them to love me as I am, but believe I'm capable of more. I don't want them to accept where I'm at. I want them to love me, but not accept where I'm at. In fact, I want them to not accept it. I want them to expect success, expect progress from me, but love me where I am.

26:03Believe in me where I am. I want people around me that see me as I could be, not as I am. And the more you have those people in your life, the less likely you are to sabotage your life. All right, we covered a lot of things today. I want to remind you of one thing. You were born to do something great with your life. And here's the cool part. You have everything within you right now that you need to make your dreams come true. And you belong in your dreams. Let me say that to you again. You belong in your dreams. and if you can stop sabotaging your progress, your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances, you're going to be there.

26:38And so it's a matter of curing that disease and keeping an eye on these seven symptoms. Once you're aware of your thoughts, they lose their power over you. You become an observer of your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. In fact, not everybody and everything you think is true. I think a lot of things that aren't true and I challenge my own thinking, my own emotions from time to time. And when you get above them and you observe your own thoughts, you go, my gosh, I'm trying to control this. I'm moving to the past. It's all familiar to me. I'm going to focus in the present and project into the future.

27:12You can totally change your life because you belong there. You do not belong repeating the past. You do not belong discouraged. You do not belong comparing. You do not belong focusing on the things you don't have. You should not be focusing constantly on what you can't control. You have no business being discouraged. Don't allow yourself to be distracted. And when you get that little taste of success, get hungrier for more because it's great. Progress is power. That's what you were born to do is to grow and expand. I've said this many times. I am most focused on the expansion of my being. And I'd love you to be focused on that.

27:49Get focused on the expansion of you, of your emotions, of your understanding, of your life, of your learning, of the difference you can make, the contributions you can have, the experiences and memories that you can currently have in the ones that are coming your way, not on the ones that already happened. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. All right. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm so excited to have this guest here today. By the way, she's made a huge sacrifice.

28:18At the time we're recording this. There's a storm where she lives in Texas. Snow's rolled in. There's no power. She went and got a hotel room so that we could do this today. So if you see the background, that's where she is. And you wouldn't know it from the background, but this is one of the most remarkable people I've ever talked to in my life. I had the great honor of being on her show. She's a cognitive neuroscientist, which just even saying those things is a miracle that I can get that out of my mouth. Nevermind, understand what it is. She's one of the most brilliant people you're ever going to meet in your life.

28:48She's a best-selling author. She's got a PhD in communication pathology. She's brilliant. And you're going to write a bunch of notes today. I mean, like a bunch of notes. So Dr. Caroline Leaf, thank you for being here and making the sacrifice to be here today. Oh, Ed, I wouldn't have missed this. Thank you so much for that lovely introduction. And I just absolutely love talking to you. We had the most amazing talk on when I interviewed you, and I think you're incredible as well. So thank you. I'm a big believer that identity drives so much of our lives. And you being, I'm just, I've heard you talk about this briefly, but, you know, I think we all are trying to become consistent with whatever this identity is that we think we hold for ourselves.

29:26And sometimes the lack of an identity is unbelievably detrimental to someone's life. And I've heard you talk about this, being from South Africa and watching what they tried to do with Mandela. And so could you speak for a minute about the power that identity has over us and a little bit of how we can at least be more aware of the identity we hold and how we can change it to serve us if we need to. Love your question. That's brilliant. And it's so important. Yes, I grew up, I was born in Zimbabwe and that had enough, that country alone had enough problems and still has, and then grew up in South Africa and all my kids were born there.

30:02And we've been in the States now for 13 years. So I was in South Africa in the apartheid era and the transition and the post. And so by the time I had my first child, my second child that Mandela came into power, I was carrying my newborn baby to go vote for Mandela, literally, and with our housekeeper. And that's how significant that is in my lifetime. But I was working in the pre-apartheid, the pre-transition, the apartheid era. And it was horrific. I chose to, I worked across all socioeconomic strata and different political areas. So from the riches of the rich to the poorest of the poor, education, corporate.

30:44And I spent three days a week working in what they called the townships, which were areas that they had two apartheids separated out, absolutely evil. And the reason I chose to work in all the different environments was to understand mind and humanity. So wherever you are, whatever you're in, how does this work and how can we use our mind to help us cope with all these different circumstances? So in terms of identity, absolutely. What you experience in your nurturing and in the environment that you grow up in is definitely going to affect how you see yourself. Because every experience is converted through think, feel, choose into brain.

31:21So you can imagine a massive forest, which is your non-conscious mind, N-O-N. And that massive forest is filled with all different shapes and sizes of trees. And in between the green trees, you've got these little black trees. And maybe there's a big clump and maybe there's a little one. And some trees are little and some little black trees from a recent experience and some very big ones from a long established experience. So something like racism would be a very, very dominant cluster of dark black trees using the warning signal of all the anxiety and the stress and the terrible things that come from something as evil as racism, which is pervasive and affecting ability to actually how you see yourself.

32:02And so every bit of nurturing is built into your brain. Every experience is built into your brain. So this forest is influencing. In the middle of the forest, just to give a visual, we have this wide full of optimism bias. So I always expand it like a strip of trees that are perfect. In the middle of the forest is this untouched area that's just perfect. And that's where we want to really access that. So if you're flying your helicopter, which is you in life, you're flying your helicopter, and you kind of, as you develop self-regulation, you don't just fly your helicopter and bash into a tree and crash, which is what we do a lot of.

32:33That's messy. We want to know how to not do that. So self-regulation teaches us how to fly with a pilot and co-pilot. So we're flying over this forest and we're looking at whatever smoke signals are coming up, where are the signals? And if you see there that there's so much of that particular type of black cluster of trees, and that's influencing how you see yourself, your identity's been affected. But if you look at your, if you really dig deep and you'll see the middle part of the forest, which is you, it's Ed, who can do something else that no one else can do. But there's these traumatic experiences that are affecting identity.

33:08So they can block and they can become so big that they can actually build like a black wall against the green forest. So it's almost hard to see who you really are because you're so busy and being involved in that, that you're stuck in that cluster. So that's why I say you've got self-regulation is not sitting and walking amongst those trees and getting lost, which is what we do, but it is actually getting in the helicopter and flying above and saying, okay, self-regulate. What am I doing? And the only way you can get to the trees and the forest and all that stuff is by looking at the warning signals.

33:41So these we track. And then, so then you would pay attention, gather awareness of four basic signals. The first is the emotional. So let's say that you're feeling a high state of anxiety that could be, or depression. Now, depression and anxiety are not its. They're not illnesses. To say you have clinical depression or clinical anxiety is one of the most unscientific statements of our age and has created a huge problem where people are now backing way more with mental health, not because mental health is on the rise, but because the mismanagement of mental health is on the rise. We're not allowing people to talk about the story in the forest.

34:15We're just saying, oh, signal of depression, five symptoms you can't sleep you can't get out of bed you're feeling um whatever suicidal okay diagnosis label treatment is mainly medication at the current stage is the gold standard some therapy if you're lucky okay and that very often the therapy is putting a band-aid on the wound because they don't deal with the whole origin story that's terrible what we have to do is we have to say okay so there is the signal there is this emotion of depression it's consistent in your life or anxiety or both. Very often it's comorbid together and terror and despair and anger and a whole bunch of others.

34:51It's never just one. So all of this is giving you power and giving you control, shifting the power balance. When you do this, gather in this way, and I'll finish the other three in a moment, you are making 1400 neurophysiological responses work for you and not against you. Your blood vessels around your heart are dilating, which is sending blood flow and oxygen to your brain. That's increasing your ability to think more creatively. It's decreasing impulsivity. I can go on and on and on. So then I know my body is in a state of healing. But when I suppress it, if I don't gather awareness, if I just suppress it, my 1400 neurophysiological responses will work against me.

35:28So now my blood vessels around my heart, for example, one of the 1400 will constrict. That means less blood flow, less oxygen to the brain, increased impulsivity, decrease cognitive flexibility. That's just a few. There's a lot more that I'm just giving a few not to overwhelm. So I stay in a state of increased vulnerability to disease by 75 to 98 % if I don't gather awareness. But if I gather awareness, I shift that. The moment I gather awareness, in milliseconds, I've gone from brain damage to brain healing. In seconds. In milliseconds. It's phenomenal. This is how important mind management is.

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37:47Get 15 % off your first order plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com slash mylet. And use code mylet. That's BolandBranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com slash MyLette, code MyLette, to unlock 15 % off. Exclusions apply. So then I gather, and this is not hard. It is hard, but it's not hard. It's hard because we have got very, we just want quick fixes. There's no quick fix when it comes to mind. This is a lifestyle. So you gather awareness of your emotional stuff, depression, anxiety, label it, be specific. Then you're going to gather awareness of your physical state, heart flushing, GI symptoms, tension in your shoulders.

38:26What is physically going on alongside this emotional stuff? It could be a series of things. There's no cookie cutter, anything. You're unique. You have a unique signal guide. Then you're going to look at your behavioral signals. In other words, what are you doing? How are you speaking? How are you connecting with others? How are you doing your work? How are you just with yourself, all the behaviors? How are you speaking? How are you whatever? What's your creativity like? So what are your behaviors when you're in this state? And then you're going to go to your perspective. As I start getting specific about looking at these emotional, physical, and behavioral warning signals, I'm actually looking at the branches.

39:02I'm looking at these because they have memories. The tree is made of memories. So the signals have drawn me in and those have been these what I've just described. But now as I land my tree, I'm starting to look a little closer at these signals. And so now I also want to look at what my perspective is. What is the tree trunk? What's the perspective of what's this giving me? Life sucks or I hate life or it's not worth living or there's just no purpose. Or what's the, then you start that. So by the time you've done that, you've objectively gathered all these apples in your basket. You control them.

39:33Now you go to looking at the detail. What is, does this mean? What's the data? That's when you reflect. So reflect is ask, answer, discuss. Ask, answer, discuss. Put the thoughts on trial. Do that autopsy, that mental brain surgery without the blood. Why? And then you answer why. And you discuss why. And you dig, dig, dig. Anyway, so when you write, you can write in lines, but I would recommend you learn how to make a medicoag. It is unbelievable. In therapy, when I used to still practice, we would have people battling with schizophrenia, which is not a disease. It is a broken mind. It is someone who's gone through so much trauma that they're disassociating, their mind's disassociated.

40:09It's a symptom of an underlying trauma. and very often they can get multiple personalities because it's coping, it's pure survival. So the system of the neurocycle in the extreme form, we would use that. And by the time we got to writing, I could show, I could have a subject who had split their personality, their minds because of trauma as they're writing onto the medic, in the medical, which is a pattern in the middle on branches, like a tree, like a branch grows. Each branch grows out the previous branch and leaves are growing on the branches. That's what you do. You grow branches and you You put your words on the branches and you just like literally pour your brain on paper.

40:44As we did this, we would, the sub patients would actually see, oh, same, they're talking about the same thing, but suddenly there's three different perspectives. The fourth step is then to recheck. It's to look at what you've written. The third step is messy. It's like words all over the place. The fourth step is where you start connecting. What are the patterns? What is the antidote? What do I need to reconceptualize, see it differently? If we use an algebraic example, we all probably remember X plus Y equals Z, even if we didn't understand it. I'm sure all of us can recall X plus Y equals Z.

41:15And the concept there is that X plus Y creates something kind of new that's over. It sort of replaces. I'm not saying that. I'm saying X plus Y equals XY. Reconceptualization is XY. Because it's your story that you don't want to just, Z, I'm putting a band-aid on. I'm not fixing the issue. and that's what if you just if you just do like 10 cbt you know cognitive behavior therapy not that i'm saying it's bad you can use cbt but cbt fits in step five if you want it to work for you you've got to first find out what's going on and then you but if you just or positive affirmations people use uh they're feeling terrible or they want to achieve a goal 10 of those in the morning 10 at night they it's a band-aid it's not going to be sustainable because you have to find out what you what are you trying to drown with the affirmation so you want the affirmation to work You have to go through the neuro cycle, then the affirmation will work as a first step.

42:06That's how you go to change perspective. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.

42:18Jim Kwik:Hey, I want to jump straight in. You know, I've had a chance to get through all the way through Power One More. Good. I got to be honest with you. It's by far one of my best books this year that I've been through. I haven't seen so much packed into one set of bookends. And I don't know how long. Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah. One of the things that stuck out to me is this intention is the currency of identity or changing your identity. Explain that to everybody, because I thought that was powerful. Well, I didn't. It's not mine. I learned it from Wayne Dyer. Actually, I probably made it my own. But many, many years ago, I was running on a beach in Hawaii.

42:53I met Wayne Dyer. He ran by me. We ended up sitting on the beach together for about an hour and a half. I was very young. And if you don't know who Wayne Dyer is, Google him. He's one of the icons of thought leadership. Anyway, when we were done, he goes, Ed, you're going to change the world. And I don't know if he said that to a lot of people or not, but to me, it was incredible. And he goes, and you're just this big brain, the way you speak and make people feel things. And you're a very talented man. And he goes, but that's not why. And I said, well, he goes, and please never base your self-confidence on or your identity on your abilities or your achievements.

43:24I went, well, what the heck are you supposed to base it on then? And he said, in your case, your intentions. You have a warm, huge, beautiful heart. You want to help people. And your intentions are so huge. They're so beautiful that that's why you're going to change the world. Always focus on your intention. There's a power to intentions. He happened to me writing a book by that title at the time. Long story short, it was the first time someone had complimented me where I believed it. I've never believed I was that smart or that special or that talented, but I did know I had a good heart. And so since that day, for the most part, man, even preparing for something like this today.

43:56My confidence, my identity comes from my intention to serve my intention to make a difference. So many people are chasing that tale of once I'm achieving something, once I'm really great, then I'll have confidence. That's not where mine comes from. Mine comes from intention. And that's what I recommend in the book. Yeah, no, I love that.

44:10Jim Kwik:You know, it's one, it's interesting to me. I was just thinking through that, you know, we didn't get a chance because the event was so busy. We didn't get a chance to spend a lot of time together, but you and I have a lot of similarities in our, in our backstories. You told me that, but I don't know what they are. Yeah. Yeah. So my father was an alcoholic for a number of years and I watched him really struggle back and forth to try to get a handle on it. And, you know, when I was thinking through the intentions, I remember him actually having a similar conversation that your dad had with you.

44:39Jim Kwik:I'm going to try one more time. Really? Wow. Yeah. And lo and behold, it did. It did. He's been sober for 35 plus years. Fantastic grandfather and the whole deal, man. Thank God. That's wonderful. Yeah. But the intention behind the meat, that intent behind going through by making that. Well, an importance, right? Yeah, I think I think most of the things we do great in our life come from love. My dad got sober because he loved his family enough to try again. Your dad got sober enough because he loved you and loved your family enough to try again. Hopefully loved himself. But oftentimes, you know, to find something we love, it may not be us, but all great things are achieved through love.

45:18and that sounds corny with two dudes talking that lift weights and stuff but the fact of the matter is it's true and when i focus on who i love or what i love that's much bigger than whatever the obstacle is in my way and that's always giving me the fuel and the energy to you know persevere

45:31Jim Kwik:where maybe other people quit or gave in yeah how much of that intention is uh cycles into self-sabotage what do you mean what do you mean by that well to me if you have a focused intention and you're intentionally choosing a direction where self-sabotage appears to be a lot more subconscious. Well, self-sabotage comes from that internal identity that whatever you're about to go do, you don't believe you're worthy of. Or even if you get it, you'll blow it. You've heard me talk many times about the thermostat analogy. It's in the book. But the truth is, if you don't get this internal thermostat, your identity high enough, no matter what you achieve, you're going to turn the air conditioners on in your life and cool it back down again to what you believe you're worth.

46:12And I watch this all the time. I'm on my new show. I have a new TV show. What's going to be streaming called Change with Ed Milet. And this woman, one of the guests on the show was a woman. She gained 180 pounds, lost 90, gained it back, lost 90, gained it back. And I said, the challenge for you, Angie, is you believe you're a heavy woman who happens to have lost weight. And because that's the case, your identity is a heavy woman. You always get back there and turn the air conditioners back on. But what if the truth was you've always been a healthy, fit woman who had gained weight? And if we could switch that identity, now we won't sabotage ourselves again.

46:44Sabotage is really the process of getting what we believe we're worth. Yeah. We're really getting what we believe we're worth. So we're trashing the current results of the current situation to get back to what our thermostat setting is and that we call that sabotage. But it's just getting back to what we believe we're worth. Yeah. At least for me, again, we didn't get a chance to super connect just one-on-one. But part of my backstory is overcoming homelessness and some other things to kind of get where I'm at today. and it was something in the book that you mentioned i thought was pretty powerful and it was a huge

47:15Jim Kwik:shift for me which is one of the reasons i wanted to bring it up which is this essence of operating out of history yeah versus operating out of future yeah i kept telling myself i was the high school dropout because i had to pay the bills and help the family and all that kind of stuff i kept telling myself for a number of years and then one of my first mentors old man myra told me he said you know he said you're you there's two ways to think you can either learn to think like me you can learn to think like your dad, which one will it be? Right here. Yeah. Right here. Talk to me about history, man.

47:45Talk to me about operating out of history versus 1 % of all people operate out of their imagination and their dreams. And 99 % operate out of history and memory. And this is a really insidious thing. We don't even realize we're doing it when we're children. We're happier. Why? My belief is we were just more recently with God. And two, we don't have a history and memory. So we're forced to operate out of imagination. And then at some point for some children like you and I, we start getting a history early because it's thrust upon us with an alcoholic dad or whatever. But for the most part, most kids, it's 10, 12, 15 years old.

48:14They start operating up history and memory. And what we do in our life is we move towards what we're most familiar with. So you become familiar with this history and memory and you just move towards the same emotions over and over again, same thoughts over and over again. Even if the external circumstances change, our life is our emotions. We move towards the same thing. And that ties into associations. We all heard, hey, you're going to be the product of the five people you hang around. That's old school, right? How do you know who it should be? What's one thing no one's ever told you before?

48:41I'll give it to you right now. It's in my book. If your peer group operates out of history and memory, they don't serve you like they should. I'll give you an example. If when you're with your friends, it's like, man, you remember, you remember, you remember that high school, you remember that one thing, you remember that, you remember, you, you, you, yeah, right? And that's what most friends do together. I don't have a lot of that. I have a little bit of it. And by the way, my peer group have great histories and memories they can operate out of. But they don't. When we're together, you almost got to force them.

49:09What we're doing is we're talking about imagination and dreams. What are you working on right now? Where are you going? What's it going to look like? You think you can get Tom Brady to talk about past Super Bowls all the time, dude? Come on, man. He's talking about, hey, I got this new crypto thing. I've got this new watch. I've got this new business thing I'm doing. I got this NFT. We're going to win the Super Bowl this year in Tampa. I want to get ring eight, whatever it is. You talk to Tim Cook, who runs Apple. He's not talking about Max from 20 years ago. He's talking about what they're working on now and where they're going as a company.

49:35And so the people around you, if it's history and memory, that's one little key. Like, I'm not saying drop people. I'm not a big believer in that. Unless they're toxic, you don't got to do it. But you got to add. And so this is how critical imagination. It's like probably, you probably asked me one of the four or five most important things in life. What is your frame of reference? History or memory or imagination and vision? It's okay to have some history and memory. We learn from it. But going back there, you cannot be in both zones at one time. So if you're in history and memory, you are not in vision and imagination.

50:06And you were born to imagine. You were born to dream. You were born to do something great with your life. And just remember, that's something I want to talk about tonight in my speech. Thank you for giving me that question. Hold on. Go ahead. Keep going. I'm going to write a note down because that was really good. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Hey, welcome back to Max Out with Ed Milet.

50:35It is great to have you with us today. And today is a power couple edition of the program, and I cannot think of a more powerful couple to have on the program today. So I'm sure you recognize both these people, but to my right is Brooks Light from the NHL and from the life change space and all kinds of different spaces we're going to talk about here going forward. and this is Julianne Hough to my left. So thank you both for being here today.

50:59Jim Kwik:Yes, sir. Thank you. I appreciate you, brother. I think that if I want to give people a gift that are watching this, it would be if they could have lunch with you and they could sit down or they got 10 minutes with you and there weren't cameras around and they could just ask you something, right? So I'll ask you first, Brooks, and then I'll have Jules answer. But if they ask you, hey, man, like I want to make my family proud of me. I want to chase the best version of me. I want to create this business. I want to transform my body. I want a transformation in my life, right? What advice would you give me overall on creating a transformation in my life and chasing the best version of me?

51:33Jim Kwik:The first, honestly, the first thing I'd ask you is what do you want? When you ask somebody that question, like, Ed, what do you want? You, and people give you a little she-she, no, no, no, no, you, just you in your life. And sometimes it takes a while for people to get the courage to get it out. And to get clear, huh? And get specific. It's very general too much. Yeah, tell me exactly what you want. Yeah. Okay, you want it? Why do you want that? Great. That is exactly, that's what I start in my life. What do I want? Why do I want it? This is what I want. I don't know how, but this is enough for me to then apply my intelligence and my resources and everything to figure out and execute that.

52:15Jim Kwik:But you need to know first, man. You need a target before you can release it. You're pulling a bow. You need somewhere to shoot it before you let it go. So I like asking people that question, what do you want at your core? Don't BS me. I can see through that. If you're taking up 10 minutes, you've got 10 minutes of my time. Let's go. Let's get to it now. And then everything else is a distraction. Everything that doesn't lead to this exact thing that you just told me is a distraction. Even though you might like it, maybe it's part-time, maybe get rid of it. As Tony says, burn the boats. My parents had that conversation with me at the supper table.

52:50Jim Kwik:like what if you can't be a hockey player like dad was a principal he's like you should have an education in your back or in your back pocket I'm like dad I'm gonna be a hockey player and he's like well what if you don't what if you hurt your knee I rehab it and I become a hockey player and I burned the boats I got rid of this is what I want and I didn't know how but when I was 14 I didn't know how I was gonna make the NHL but the NHL was already in my hands I owned it I owned it it was mine my friends that would try and get me to drink or go to parties or smoke still some of best friends in my life they were my groomsmen but they tried to get me off that path but I was like you guys don't even know what I'm I'm five years away from this in the NHL I'm 14 but I'm 19 in the NHL already like I knew what I wanted didn't know how but I knew what I wanted and I knew why because it was how I was gonna express it was what I needed to do with my life so I would try and get that out of a person and everything else is a distraction 100 % I posted today today I made a post I said the extraordinary are fueled by why and the average are always stuck with how and so and and what i find when i ask people that question it's why i don't do it on the show anymore i've had too many even of my own guests when i go what do you want uh uh it's very vague it's very vague and and so it's the rarest thing is to ask somebody that question they can give you a specific clear compelling answer the other thing like i just you posted that today i posted yesterday if you're going to have one thing in your life you're going have one thing have a magnificent obsession with getting better you can go whatever it is whatever is your like you wake up and that's what i'm doing now if i'm not in hockey i'm following the flow of my life what do i gravitate towards because i'm not getting paid for it but what's what's my thing that i love that's telling me where i should be and then have a magnificent obsession with improving that yes and it will find a way to monetize itself you'll be successful it really does by the way it really does and you're a move towards your curiosities and your obsession your obsessions become your possessions you're going to you're going to possess what you're obsessed with and here's the issue for most people they they're obsessed with their fears they're obsessed with what they're worried about they're obsessed with what other people think about them they're obsessed with all of these things and you end up possessing these things you said earlier and i fully believe that we are so much more capable yes than we then we even know there's so much Even in you, I mean, you've been uber successful in your life.

55:10Jim Kwik:And, man, you haven't even, you're just starting to scratch. Like, there's so much left. And my wife, too, and me, like, people, we're doing well. And a lot of people are doing well. But we are so much more. And it just fires me up and lights me up to even think, like, just ripping that open. What does that even look like today? Even that thought, like, think bigger. My wife is great at this. She challenged me at this. She thinks so big. and sometimes I'm like that's not even you want like you want you want it you want a spaceship with a hot tub and a yard but like we think big like that

55:51Jim Kwik:it's gonna pull you higher and you need to get like you are I just believe man that people are so life can be so much better you're so much more capable just Just sink your energy and your time, your intensity, your passion into it. Everything else is a distraction. Dude, you're firing me the heck with my girl. I'm serious. And by the way, I kind of want to like punch, slap, go do something big with you right now. But what's interesting about that, and I'm going to let Jules wrap things up on that, but I just want to tell you all this too. Like, watch what we're doing to each other here. The other thing I want you to see is I want you to find mentors and friends who could stretch and move and motivate you, not just always validate you, not just always make you laugh.

56:37Hey, bro, good to see you. I have tons of friends like that. People say, oh, drop your friends. No, you don't have to drop any friend in your life, but you've got to add people who stretch you and push you and get you to visualize and inspire you, right? Like that's part of the formula. If you don't have them, you've got to do it yourself for now, but still be seeking out those people.

56:55Jim Kwik:So, you know, people always say that, like with like celebrities, Oh, people are always being the yes man. But we have yes men in our personal lives, too. So, like, that is exactly what you said. Isn't that so true? You know? And it's like, it's not just celebrities. It's everybody. Like, we have yes men all over the place. Like, stop validating me. Tell me what to do. Like, just actually, like, call me out. There should be some friends you have where, like, you've got to clean up the house before they come over, man. Like, you should have some people, like, hey, there's some still people you want to have your A game for in your life, right?

57:23So, this is unreal. I'm just telling you straight up. Like, I'm like, this is unreal. I'm so feel so blessed, but I want to finish with you. So it's hard to add to any of this. I know it is You know, but but you've had all this experience. You've traveled the world did this amazingly unique Childhood you've attracted this dream man. You've had all these achievements and you've remaking yourself again Which I admire so much and in five more years you'll be remaking again I know that but what advice would you give to maybe it's a woman? I don't know that's listening to this and says hey I want something special in my life.

57:56What would you say that maybe we haven't added yet? What would you add to it? Is there something? I mean, the first thing that just popped in when you were

58:02Jim Kwik:talking just now is that it is about reinventing yourself all the time and continuing to grow. I think, you know, a lot of people are like, you've changed and your response should be like, thank you. You know, and it's like, you know, and it's, it's, it's amazing that, you know, we tell ourselves our stories of who we are, but that's who we were. We're continually growing and becoming the people that we're building. And as we become the person that we're becoming and the achievements and the things that we want, it's not about what we want, it's about who we wanna be when we have all of this. And so I think at the end of the day, like it always comes back to us and it's like like what is it like who it not what is it that I want to be but who is it that I want to be and and I said it that I think at the very beginning when we were talking about how we met like met what you put out into the universe is what you're going to get and if you're putting negative thoughts if you're saying like I don't know how I don't know how to do this.

59:11Jim Kwik:I can't do that. I can't do that instead of like Visualizing putting your goals like do a one-year do a three-year do a five-year do a tenure Do it like one month and do small achievable goals So that you can actually attain them and celebrate them and realize like I have the power to do these things And then and then you get this confidence of who you are and then it just if things just start happening Like, it's an amazing thing, whether it's God, the universe, whatever you believe, your own innate willpower, whatever you put out, you're going to get. And so, like, put out some good shit, guys.

59:49Jules, you're so right. Like, you said something else that I just want to layer on. Like, I'm just moved. I used to be so damn good. But you all said earlier, you said something. You said, I'm enough. At one point, you're enough. It's like you have to accept right now you have everything within you. You need to go win. You're all you need to be right now to go win. You're getting better to prepare you for the next moment in the next moment right and one of my favorite One of my favorite

1:00:15Jim Kwik:Analogies and visualizations of this is if your cup is full and somebody's pouring into it all this Information and like more like you know I can help you with this and it's just overflowing You're like I can't deal with this is too much is too much is too much you sometimes just have to pour it out And then you can start filling up again. You know, it's like, you know what you know right now. And that's great. And that's going to get you to that next step. But once you're there, pour that damn cup out and start over, you know, and it's like all this new information comes in and then you're able to actually download it and receive it.

1:00:51So good. Were you going to say something? Sorry, I get excited.

1:00:54Jim Kwik:We do a lot of like creative planning stuff in our garage. and it was actually we were talking about this the other day because we're trying to she was helping me with the next stage of my life my reinvention and Something we put up on the board her brother Derek was also helping and we put up on the board What do we want to do and who do we need to become to do it? And it's exactly what she's talking about is how and we talked about have your vision what you want to do Okay, that's great. I don't know who do I need to become to do this and I tell her this all the time we work on this I tell her this I'm building a man that's better than I am right now so I'm not yet this man but I have a vision a concept of who he is and she'll say like there'll be some mornings I'll wake up at 5 or 530 go work out or 6 or whatever she's like oh babe it's early I'm like yeah but I'm building this man that's capable of more when we have kids he needs to work out before we have kids so we don't have kids yet but this man needs to be capable of that stuff before we're even there so I always work towards this this far distant man that's better than I am and I acknowledge he's better than I am but I aspire to be like him and gradually just moving that needle every day and some days I fail some days to take a step back oh my gosh I want I want to I want to kiss you right now we can tell you buddy no I'm seriously all just best friends right now it's like no like like I just want to say something like it's so good so I talk all the time that I think at the end of my life I'm a Christian I believe that I hope I want the Lord to go hey well on good and faithful servant but i also think he's gonna go hey man this is the man you could have been i want you to meet the man you were capable of becoming at the end of your life i think you met the person you were destined to be and i and my life is chasing down that dude every decision i make i'm trying to chase that dude down so at the end of my life when i meet him he shakes my hand says hey man i've been watching you great job and we're identical twins yeah the worst end of a life would be to go to the end and you meet that woman and you're total strangers and she had she had experiences and memories and contributions and differences That's great.

1:02:49That's a great visual.

1:02:50Jim Kwik:Right. So my barometer is chasing down that person. Exactly what you said. You're trying to build that better man, build that better woman. And it's the blissful dissatisfaction. Correct. It's the same thing. You're happy, you're not satisfied. You love your life. Look at the life you live, Ed. Family, you have a fantastic life, but still, not that it's not enough, it's just not enough. It's not enough. It's not enough. I'm enough, but it's not enough. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

1:03:21Jim Kwik:Ed Milet. Jamie. It is such an honor to interview you on your show. This has never been done before. Nope. You in the hot seat. Yeah. We're flipping the script. And are you ready? I'm ready. I feel like I'm in great hands with my dear friend here. So let's do this. You know, I wanted to ask you about something that I think has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people listening have this in their life and maybe they shove it in the back of their mind, but it's still there. And that is this idea of labels. And what I mean is like so many of us have had, maybe it's when we were kids, someone called us a name or, you know, we're in a situation and someone says, oh, but you're, you're not smart enough or, or you don't have what it takes or you're the wrong fit for this, or you don't come from the right family or, or this, that, the other thing.

1:04:12Jim Kwik:And a lot of times we then find ourselves as an adult and that label is like stuck and it's taken root and now it's sort of coming out in our lives and we haven't even thought about it in years, but it's still there. That, that identity when you were, I think it was eight, eight years old, you were called Eddie spaghetti, Eddie spaghetti. Can you share how that happened and how you did or didn't let that label take root. Yeah. I, uh, but I talk about this in the book a lot too, is that, uh, and how to overcome it, which I have that part of me, I've leveraged into something pretty strong, but I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us, our identities, these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us, our worth, they were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids.

1:05:01So it's like, be a good boy, be quiet, be a good girl. Don't do that. Don't make too much noise. Don't. And you, you start to just start to develop this identity when you're young. And then when you get out into the world, because you believe it, you confirm it. And then you gather more and more references for it. And before you know it, you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old and it's who you are. And you've proven it because of this, your identity is the most powerful force in the world. You're going to be consistent with it. And most of what you believe about yourself, you weren't in control of believing.

1:05:30It was put there when you were a child. Well, same with me. So you have this combination of this kid who's at home, things aren't real stable there most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I overcook that too, because when it was good, it was very loving. And the other thing is I had this loving mother 100 % of the time, right? 100 % of the time. And great grandparents and lots of great stuff. But there was this thing, right? So you have that anxiety going in chaos, going to school. I'm a little guy. I'm shy. I'm very, very shy. You know this about me to this day. I'm still very introverted, which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show.

1:06:06But I'm super introverted. and I just started to get picked on and this Eddie Spaghetti your meatballs right then the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset and it started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time and then I remember you know a few years later a baseball coach really I was become a pretty good player but we had a great player on our team who went on to play like major league baseball for many many years he's still a really good friend of mine and I had had a couple of bad games and I was down and our coach pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude.

1:06:39He's a good dude, but he was a tough dude. He pulled me into his office. He goes, Hey, Eddie Spaghetti. This is now I'm a teenager. And he goes, did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him? Like you go in over three, like you can go over three. He can't. So why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good. This was my coach. right and I remember just walking out of there like oh and then I've shared with you another story that when I became a speaker of someone that I looked up to was like you know you're really not that good you know like I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes and then and I I used to think to like am I like is there something on me that's like you can just punch me like is there something about me like you people think they can just tell me these things about me what is it about me because other people aren't what I found out is other people are hearing similar things.

1:07:28And the truth is I just started to go. I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book. I don't really believe that many good things about myself. What would I need to believe about me that would serve me? What would I actually need to believe about me that would cause me to change the way I show up in the world? What would I need to believe? And all of a sudden I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy. I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person. I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence.

1:08:00It's an impersonation. It's not who I really am. Well, maybe I can begin to impersonate the person I want to be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit, not fake it, but like, you know what? He'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself. Moreover, he would treat other people a particular way. He would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way, almost in an almost in an overabundance of kindness and generosity to people and belief and love for people. And a lot of that happened when I worked at the orphanage.

1:08:39I was like, now that's the guy I like. That's the guy that I am. I'm the giving guy. I'm the kind guy. And you know what? I found out when I did that, I took it away from me. As we said earlier, it was about other people that I found a lot more peace. So I just started to become that person and slowly but surely I think I am that person.

1:08:58Jim Kwik:That is really powerful. There's, I'm sure so many people, I'm sure they'll send messages about this who, you know, see you online, watch your content and maybe think that everything's perfect and think that you were just born with all this confidence and with, you know, everyone loving you and millions of people following you even through grade school. Right. I mean, we just, to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply. And then we think when those things happen to us, like someone tells us we're just not good enough, we kind of hide it because we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen to other people.

1:09:33Jim Kwik:And I feel like you sharing that is so powerful. Thank you. I think I have a lot of people from high school actually that follow me now, right? When you, when you're, and I think if you were to ask a lot of them, because they've told me this i just wasn't i i think they would just say to you like it just i wouldn't expect it to have been eddie you know not like he was a complete i was there if that makes any sense like no i would not there was no like most likely to succeed in any of my you know yearbooks or anything like that but i don't think by the time i graduate wasn't like he's a complete dumb dumb but it was just like he's just eddie my let you know he's just eddie like you would never suspect he would be the person that, you know, might reach a lot of human beings in his life.

1:10:16You know, you just would never have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If, if you're not one of those people that everyone's like, no, for sure. It's her. I was definitely not that person. You go, Oh, just mark it down. He's going to do something great with his life. No, no one was saying that about me. No one, no teacher, no coach, maybe a couple of teachers when I was a little, little guy, but most people would not have said not that anything significant was ever going to happen so good they didn't know you were the one

1:10:43Jim Kwik:that's right they didn't know that's that's powerful because a lot of people are wondering am i the one can i be the one no one's telling me i'm the one and i think the fact that you doubt i think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are i do i do i just believe that that's so good and you know this for and by the way the reason it's good is because you know that to be true that's true but i've never thought about it that way. I know that's true. And I'm just thinking right now, I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this.

1:11:12Jim Kwik:And right now they know that they're wondering if they're the one. Yeah. And that makes you probably the one. Yes. That's right. And you know this because it happened in your life. Yes. That is huge. All right. This is good. I want to talk about, you know, the story. Can you share with everyone this story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher. Yeah. Mrs. Smith. Yes. So, yeah. Yeah, I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all. And I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened. Mrs. Smith was just a super, really kind lady.

1:11:45And we had moved to the town that we were in then. And so I was also a new kid. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before, or there was this turmoil the night before. I'm just leaving that house this little dude. I wish I could go back and hug him, you know, which my mom did a lot of by the way And so she knew that I just had no self-esteem And I believe she orchestrated this entire thing, but we were doing testing like for grades and stuff for the next grades and She purposely had I believe she purposely did this For me she had someone come in the back of the room and say mrs.

1:12:29Smith we need your smartest student to come take a test to represent the class and I could see the person in the back I heard them and I watched Mrs. Smith go that's Eddie Milet I would pick Eddie he's the smart boy and she picks me and I remember going oh my gosh she thinks I'm the smart boy and I just looked at her and she smiled at me and I remember just lighting up and then the person goes okay hey, then Eddie Milet, you need to come with us. And I stood up and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, I'm special. This is special. And I walked up and went to the back and I took the test and I guess I did well.

1:13:16But when I came back in, I didn't say this the last time I told this. When I came back in at the end of the day, class was over and Mrs. Smith said, Eddie, can you come up here for me? and I came up and she hugged me and she goes, you're so special and so smart. You're the smartest boy. She just like hugs on me for a minute. And it really changed my life a lot. It changed my life because that was the first time I was like, well, maybe, they're wrong. Maybe I am smart. Maybe I am special. And this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all that. She knew there was this child.

1:14:04I think she had this sense something was going on in my home because kids don't come like that to school, that shy, that timid, unless something's wrong at the house. And I'm telling you the truth that I have thought about that like hundreds, maybe thousands of times in my life, that, that event in my life, what a beautiful, beautiful soul she was. So that's Mrs. Smith. It's one of those people, you know, in your life, when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans that make you feel special, make you feel loved and cared for and believed in. And she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years.

1:14:53And the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people that they go, he loves me. He cares about me. He most, maybe even as important, he believes in me. And, um, and then you show people how to live a little better. And that's exactly what she did. that she was a super, super special person. And little did she know that little first grade dude would be on a show with you today.

1:15:24Jim Kwik:You know, last night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen. Yeah. And I'm just imagining like the power, right, of her seeing you. First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been, I don't know why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well perform their best and the more and more i've been doing what i do the more it's occurring to me that that's my role is a little different and that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people maybe more than ever in the world that were like the first grader me but they're 30 years old very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes.

1:16:12Now on to our next guest. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So today I get to share one of my favorite men I've ever known in my life with you. Truly love him. I miss him very much too. I don't see him nearly as much as I would like to. He's a life architect. He's an artist. He's an entrepreneur. He's the founder of Mosaic, which is one of the most beautiful churches in the world. He's a contrarian thinker. He's a lovely man, a kind, gentle, brilliant man. He's the type of dude that after you've spent some time with him, you can't help but reflect on the time you had with him when he leaves.

1:16:45Every time I'm with him, I find myself thinking about the conversations we had days and weeks even afterwards. And I have a feeling that that's going to happen for all of you today as well. And man, is this going to be awesome. He's got a new book out called The Seven Frequencies of Communication, which is incredible because he's incredible. Erwin McManus, welcome back to the show, my brother. It's so good to be with you. It's just good to see your face and to hear your voice and to get to have this time with you. Me too, brother. You talked about this recently and it just struck me. This isn't a frequency thing necessarily, but why are so many people, and you said you had a little of this too, or maybe a lot of it, they're in their own way.

1:17:25They're their own biggest enemy in life. Yeah. Why? How? I think there can be multiple reasons, but self-doubt is a really fascinating thing. It really comes down to what voices you allowed to determine your identity. All of us have a series of voices that speak to us from childhood all the way through life. But those voices do not matter until you accept them as your voice. So if someone says to you, you don't matter, but your voice tells you you do matter, that voice doesn't have power over you. But when you let that voice shape who you are, And I think for me, I had voices inside of me saying, don't be too successful.

1:18:12I literally was always my greatest enemy. This voice, because I'm a deeply spiritual person. Yes. And I have this, I mean, my life is centered around the person of Jesus Christ. And I've never wanted to do anything to invalidate my relationship with him or to cause anyone to ever question my sincerity. So what that did for me is it actually created some self-limiting mindsets because I didn't know how to become the full version of myself and not have people question my faith. And when I had to realize eventually, I think this is one of the things I learned from you and so many others is the better you're at something, the more people are going to hate you.

1:18:58that there is no way to escape opposition or hate or whatever you want to describe it. And once I could accept that going, even if I'm completely sincere, there's always going to be people who question your sincerity. And so then I went, well, if I'm going to have people who hate me anyway, I might as well be the best version of myself. I might as well move toward optimal performance. And at this point in my life, Ed, I'm at the point where I'm going, I want to have the greatest impact on the world that I can while I'm still on this earth. And writing the seven frequencies was a huge part of that journey for me.

1:19:35Writing MindShift was a huge part of that. And what I'm going to do from this point forward in my life is I'm going to give to the world what I feel will create the greatest contribution on this planet. I love it. And you have to decide at some point, I will not live my life based on the voices that are speaking at me. That I will listen to a deeper inner voice that calls me to the greatest purpose that I have. That's so good. Erwin, you're so, he's had so much to give you guys. And I remember, you probably don't remember this, but there's even shame in some people's lives about making a little bit of money.

1:20:12Oh, I've been, I've had so much shame for that. In my own life, Ed, I mean, my wife and I lived, I had a salary of less than$12 ,000 for 10 years. Gosh. Because I thought it was ethically wrong for me to make money. We slept on the floor. I wouldn't buy a bed because I told her that was a luxury, not a necessity. I don't know what got into my head. And I remember one day we were married, we had kids, and I said, I think that it's okay. I think God told me it's okay for me to make some money. And she goes, you can make money? I said, oh, I've always known how. I just would have to stop myself. And she goes, well, could you, you know, start like now?

1:20:52But I always put a cap on myself. Yes, right. You did, Erwin. You did. And I've always known I could make billions of dollars. I've never had that confusion in my head. And the confusion in my head was, do I give myself permission? Do you know what you said to me about what you just, why is this so huge? Why I asked you? I was wondering if you were going to say this. You guys, you won't remember this, Erwin. We were at a friend's house, you know whose house it was, that lives on the ocean. And you and I walked into the kitchen and I kept telling you, you're in this room and you're like, I've met these guys now and it's not that big of a deal and I said Irwin you could impact millions of people and you said Ed and you kind of had this cringe when you said it to me you go I think I'm gonna allow myself to make some real money now and even when you said it there was this discomfort in you I said Irwin you have permission to do that you just got to give it to yourself now I don't know that you remember that moment but I know where I was standing in the kitchen when you said it and I just want everybody to hear this this is a man who's coached some of the most influential people in the world, top people in industries come to him.

1:21:58And even in his case, he had to give himself permission to allow some form of abundance to flow into his life because of some sort of a limiting belief around it. Now, if that's true of someone with his eloquence and brilliance, are any of you suffering with something that you're not giving yourself permission to feel, whether that be joy or love or the love of God, your faith to know you can be somewhere in eternity. Maybe it's wealth. Maybe it's physical health. But there's probably something today that you're not allowing yourself or giving yourself permission to have and feel and give yourself the gift today like Erwin did.

1:22:32And by the way, once Erwin unlocked that type of permission, he had more financial abundance, but his impact grew with the world changers he now affects, right? And that opened up other lanes for you. Absolutely. And one of the things I realized for myself is I'm just not motivated by money. It's just not a good motivator for me, but I am motivated in seeing people's lives changed. And instead of waiting for someone to finance the vision we have to impact the world, we create the wealth, we finance it, we help millions of people. It's just so much more exciting, to be perfectly honest. That was a great conversation.

1:23:06And if you wanna hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Milet. Let me ask you a question before we begin today. Do you have any sense right now, like you feel like you're just overloaded and you're overwhelmed with information in your life? Maybe you're having a hard time getting focused. You get distracted pretty easily. Maybe your concentration sort of suffers a little bit, your memory issues. Well, my guest here today is an expert on optimum brain performance, on learning, on learning quickly and on maxing out your capacity to think and perform in your life.

1:23:44And it was really born out of some tragedy, out of some difficult events out of his childhood. but he's turned those tragic events into becoming a world-renowned expert on brain performance. And today, I'm really blessed, because I've been chasing this guy for a while. I've wanted him to share his brilliance with you, the audience, and I'm grateful that he's here today because we're about to change your life and change the way you learn, think, and perform. So my guest today is the great Jim Quick. Jim, thank you.

1:24:10Jim Kwik:Ed, thank you so much. I've been looking forward to this so much. Me too, brother. We've had great conversations off camera, and I'm so excited because I know There's some shows I know that we do that are inspirational, and then there are shows I know that are going to inspire, but also by the end of the program, people's lives are just measurably better, and they can perform better. And today is heavy note-taking. If you're driving in the car, you're going to want to hear it, but you're going to want to get back and listen to the video or something, too, to write the notes down we're going to cover.

1:24:37So I want to share something with you because it just happened this weekend, and I just, from my folks here, too. I think one of mine is that I am present with people.

1:24:46Jim Kwik:Yeah. And I do observe people. And so it's really interesting because I think that's one of the things that I love about doing the show. And it was fascinating because I never gave any thought as to where that came from. Because, I mean, your brain brilliance comes from the fact that you had this damaged brain as a child. Yet it's one of your great gifts and one of the great things you're intelligent at, one of your geniuses. And so this weekend somebody had asked me, why do you think like on your show or even we were at a dinner, you're so present, you're listening. Where do you think that comes from?

1:25:18And I didn't know. I thought about it. And I said, you know, I'm not sure. But, you know, it's interesting. My dad's sober 30 years now. But when I was a little boy, my dad had a drinking problem. And I never knew as a little boy which dad was going to come through the front door at night. And so unlike most kids who would run up and hug dad, I would observe dad when he came home. And so when dad walked through the front door, I'd look at his physiology. I'd look at his eyes, his face, his lips. I'd listen to what his first few words were. And I think since I was about a four-year-old little boy, I was sort of through that unfortunate circumstance in my family, I developed this intelligence of being present and really being with someone and understanding them and connecting with them and seeing where they really were.

1:26:06And it's ended up serving me as a 47-year-old man with you here today. Wow. Isn't that interesting? And so many, for some of you listening, I would just say to you that sometimes some of your great genius could be coming from some of what you would think might be some of the more tragic events in your life or difficult events in your life. So just think about that.

1:26:22Jim Kwik:And the self-talk also. You know, when I said, you know, at age nine, a teacher looked at me and said, that's the boy with the broken brain for the whole class. You know, and parents and adults have to be very careful because your external words become a child's internal words. Because every single time I did bad on a quiz on a test or not pick for a sports team Which was all the time I would say oh because I have the broken brain that became my internal conversation And I always tell people when they come to me and they say I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough I have a horrible memory I always say if you fight for your limitations you get to keep them or if you fight for your limitations you argue for your limits They're yours, right?

1:26:56Jim Kwik:And here's the thing your brain is like a supercomputer and your self-talk is a program it will run So if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names, you will not remember the name of the next person you meet because you programmed your supercomputer not to. They say the two most powerful words in the English language are also the smallest, I am. Because whatever you put after that, complete that sentence with, is going to determine your destination, your destiny. I'm so glad you're saying this because this is typically said by like, you know what I mean too, motivational people or inspiring people.

1:27:27Now we've got a brain person, science, telling you this is a fact.

1:27:31Jim Kwik:So your identity is this. So let's say at a simple level, let's say people want to change their behavior. They want to stop procrastinating. Yes. But their identity is I'm a procrastinator. Yes. Ooh, that's going to be a tough one. They want to change a behavior like, oh, I want to stop smoking. But their identity is I am a smoker. Wow. Right. That's going to be a challenge. Yes. So here's the thing. The reason I bring these distinctions up is because it takes the self-loathing or the judgment out of it. because you don't have to, if you're not good at something, you could say like, oh, you could address the level that's holding you back.

1:28:03Jim Kwik:Finally, below the level of behavior, and this is a big one, is the level of environment. Because the behavior is you want to stop smoking, but the environment is around a lot of smokers. Because it's not, here's the thing, the people you spend time with is the people you become. You know this, you teach this, because your mirror neurons are always imitating what's around you. And that's the thing. So I want to sensitize you to, because often the people that hold us back are the people that love us the most. You know, because you know why? They're like, oh, you're going to another event. You're listening to another podcast.

1:28:33Jim Kwik:Why are you reading another book, spending all that money? And they can have good intentions. Right, because ultimately people are doing things for, you know, generally, I believe, for good reasons. But they can be sincere, but they can be sincerely wrong. Sincerely wrong. And I love the I'm not this yet. I also want to just repeat things that just, we just, you say brilliant things one after the other. And so this idea that as a parent, your external dialogue becomes your child's internal dialogue is just riveting. I mean, it's riveting. And it's also true, I think, of leaders and companies too.

1:29:03Your external dialogue about your company or about that individual can become their internal dialogue. So what you're saying matters so deeply.

1:29:10Jim Kwik:There are six primary questions we learned in school, five W's and one H, right? Now watch this. The identity level answers the question of who. The beliefs and values answer the question of why. The capabilities answer the question of how you do it. The behavior is the what. And the environment answers the question of when and where. It is fully aligned. And so I feel like we have natural genius inside of us. And when this is aligned with this, when people talk about their mind and their body and their values and habits, when they're all aligned, things happen naturally. And they're not having forced.

1:29:46Jim Kwik:And my goal for everybody who's watching and listening to this is that they're smarter than they think. It's just we weren't taught how to do these things and when you're in congruence and in alignment things happen your natural Superpowers if you will yes come out come out organically and I'm not forced boy. That's Man brother. That's so good. I'm processing all of this with you They'll be mad at me if I don't ask you a tactical question Absolutely, so can you give them I'm gonna get a couple more things, but thank you for taking the extra time I'll get DMs and emails if I don't ask you. Tactically ask him a specific tactic to remember a name.

1:30:24So I have Max out. Do you do an association when you remember someone's name?

1:30:27Jim Kwik:I do, I do. Really fast. I would say be suave. Be suave. I'll give you really quick. B is believe, right? Believe you can, believe you can. You're right. So stop the negative self-talk, right? So that's obvious. The second thing is E is exercise. We already talked about the power of exercise. Practice. Because the bad news is it takes practice to learn someone's name the good news not as much as you think good Like I'm really good at names, but after practicing for a couple months. It's just become second nature Right just like parking a car learning how to type you do without thinking the swab is this S stands for say the name when tactically when you meet somebody you say their name back to them Okay, because you make sure you observe it correctly the U is you use the name use it three or four times We talk about that the a is you ask about a name This is really great ed when you meet somebody whose name you haven't heard before You need me not someone named Afzal or Riddick or what can you ask about a person's name?

1:31:20Jim Kwik:You already said this you already said it's not travel entrepreneurship. What's everyone's favorite subject is themselves So what can you ask about a person's name? How do you spell it? Where's it from? You know? What does it mean? I was doing this training at the the country's largest life insurance company 100 people in the room the training directors name was Nankita I was like in front of the whole group. I was like, that's a beautiful name. How do you spell it? Where's it from? What does it mean? She paused. I was like, Nahida, what does it mean? She looked at all her co-workers and says she said it means graceful falling waters.

1:31:48Jim Kwik:And I was like, wow. And then her co-workers gave that kind of reaction like a novelty. I was like, wait a second. How long you worked here? She's like, you know, X amount of years with these people. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of them good friends are at my wedding. I was like out of a hundred. I said, raise your hand if you knew that's what her name meant. I'd have a hundred people. How many people raised their hand? zero zero and talk about like caring that became like a 10-year client right because that's the power of a name the emotion right so ask about a person's name and then v and b suave stands for visualize and here's a real tactical thing we tend to be better with faces and names right aren't you you you meet a lot of people sure right people come and you meet somebody you know you say to them i remember your face but i forgot your name you never go to someone say the opposite you never I remember your name, but I forgot your face.

1:32:34Jim Kwik:That's so true. That wouldn't make any sense. But here's the reason why, for neurological, your visual cortex is a lot larger than other parts of your brain, so you tend to remember what you see. Now, if you tend to remember what you see, there's a Chinese proverb that goes, what I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand. What I hear, I forget. I heard the name, I forgot the name. What I see, I remember. I saw the face, I'll remember the face. What I do, going back to practice and exercise, I understand. So if you tend to remember what you see, try seeing what you remember.

1:32:59Jim Kwik:So quick visual aid is this. play Pictionary. A person's name, for example, is Mark, take a split second and put a checkmark on their forehead. And you're like, Jim, that's so childish. Who are the fastest learners on the planet? Children. Children. How fast can they learn a musical instrument? How fast can they learn another language? They're sponges. And part of how they remember names is they make fun of people. They go to somebody, and you're like, they go to someone named Jason, and Jason the Basin. And all of a sudden, Jason's in therapy for years, because he was teeth. But that's how You learn banana, fana, fofana.

1:33:31Jim Kwik:You learn through imagery, right? They make fun. And so remember, more emotion too. Yes. Information you forget. Information combined with emotion. So a person's name is Mary. Imagine you meet someone named Mary. Handshake breaks. Imagine she's getting married or she's carrying two lambs under her arms. And here's the thing. It overcomes in business what I call the six-second rule. Somebody tells you something important in a conversation or their name, you have six seconds to do something with it. Otherwise, what happens? You lose it. It's gone. Out of your working memory, short-term memory, it's gone.

1:33:58Jim Kwik:Got it. So this helps you to focus uniquely on both the person and also the name. So if a person's name, so for example, is let's say Carol. Imagine they're singing Christmas carols. Yes. Right? A person's name is Mike. Imagine them jumping on the table and singing on a microphone for a split second. And then when you say goodbye to them 20 minutes later, you're like, oh, that guy was sitting on the karaoke on the microphone. What's his name? Mike. Mike. Right? Because it glues it. And then, by the way, it's a short term, because once you know the person's name is Ed or Athena or Mike or whatever, what will happen is— You just named everybody here.

1:34:32Jim Kwik:Sorry, sorry. Once you do that, then the pictures disappear because you know it. You just need something to glue it because there's three parts to your memory. You encode the information, you store the information, then you retrieve the information. But most people can't retrieve it because they're not encoding in a way that makes it memorable. Oh, my gosh. So you make it visual, you make it fun and interesting. So if first name is John, you can imagine whatever. And then finally, that's the V. The E-N swab stands for end. You always end the conversation using their name, saying goodbye using their name.

1:35:02Jim Kwik:Because if you could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying goodbye to 20 strangers by name, who are they all gonna remember? You. And that's a standout skill. Because it's not just what you know. Yes, you can learn faster. It's not only who you know, but it's also who knows you. Who knows you. And who's gonna remember you. That is awesome. That is awesome, awesome. And the six-second rule, if you don't use it, you lose it. So do something within the first seconds. That is brilliant. There are a few obstacles to effective reading. So let's go through them really quickly. Number one, what keeps you from reading slow is lack of education.

1:35:34Jim Kwik:You're not born with the ability to read. Nobody is. And so we learned it through class, through a training, right? But when's the last time you took a class called a reading? How old were you? Probably six. Six or seven years old, right? Exactly. Exactly. So we are still, every single person watching this, for the most part, we're still reading like we're a six or seven-year-old. Because that's the last time we had training in that one area. The difficulty, demand has increased tremendously, but we're still reading like a six-year-old. So that's number one, get the proper education, lack of education.

1:36:04Jim Kwik:Number two, lack of focus. We could all relate to this. You read a page in a book, you get to the end, just forget what you just read. Because your attention is everywhere, your mind wanders, you're thinking about the dry cleaning, the clients, everything, the kids. So here's the thing. You just mentioned that if you read faster, you feel like you wouldn't retain as much and understand as much. I know it's not true. It's not. It's not because we weren't taught differently, right? And so what I would say is the fastest, so I think it's a myth being spread around by slow readers that if you read faster, you wouldn't understand as much because it's a lie.

1:36:35Jim Kwik:And this is interesting because we have online academy, right, of speed reading. And we have students in over 180 countries. So we have a lot of data we found the fastest readers actually have the best comprehension because they have the best focus Okay, so here's it is a metaphor your brain is this incredible supercomputer But when you read you feed this supercomputer one word add Time Metaphorically you're starving your mind. Okay, right? And even if we were to talk like that through this covers it would be like eight days to write right begin And what would happen to people very quickly if they were talking that slow, their mind would wander, they would fall asleep, they would think about other things.

1:37:20Jim Kwik:And isn't that, aren't those the same exact things that happen when you read? Your mind wanders, you fall asleep, you start thinking about other things. Because if you don't give your brain the stimulus it needs, it'll seek entertainment elsewhere in the form of distraction. Third obstacle, this is the big one, sub-vocalization. This is the big one. by far we're talking about your inner voice sub vocalization means you ever notice when you're reading something you hear the inner voice inside your head reading along with you your level hopefully your own voice it's not like somebody else's voice the reading why it keeps you reading slow the reason why is because if you have to say all the words to understand them you can only read as fast as you could speak and that that this this is mind-blowing to me sub vocalization vocal speech sub like a submarine inner speech if you're saying the words to understand what you're reading, you're doing it not right.

1:38:10Jim Kwik:Because New York City, you don't have to say the word New York City or computer to understand what those, just like when you're driving, you see a stop sign, you don't say to yourself, stop. 95 % of the words, do you understand what that stop sign means though? Yes. 95 % of words are words you've seen before. You don't have to pronounce the words. Leaders are readers, right? You read a lot. Tony Robbins read a lot. Oprah reads a lot. Bill Gates reads a lot. John F. Kennedy, leaders are readers. He Hugh said to have read every morning six newspapers with one cup of coffee. Most people it's the opposite.

1:38:42Jim Kwik:It takes like six cups of coffee to get through like a newspaper, right? And that's the challenge. But he's, you know, let's say, you know, he said to read 800 to 1000 words a minute. But if he could talk at the hour talking to about 200, 250 words per minute, there are like 700 words per minute he's not pronouncing, right? You don't have to pronounce words you've seen before. But that's how we were taught as a kid. Like a lot of what accelerated learning is, just like success is unlearning, bad habits. When you were a kid, you had to say the words out loud because the teacher needed to know you're pronouncing the words phonetically correctly.

1:39:11Jim Kwik:But later on, remember this, your teacher said, read quietly to yourself. Read silently to yourself. And that's when you should have that external voice and you put it internal there. And it's been there ever since. Here's the point. When we listen to podcasts or audio books, how many people like to listen to it at 1.5 or 2x or 3x? And they can understand it too. You can't talk that fast though. And that's the thing, right? And so that's why sub-vocalization is saying basically if you're sub-vocalizing, your reading speed is limited to your talking speed, not your thinking speed. You can understand so much more, so much faster, but you can't talk that fast.

1:39:44Jim Kwik:It's a bad habit we picked up as a kid. So we did a whole podcast on how to reduce sub-vocalization. And our programs, like over 21, 30 days, we teach people methodically how to do it because there's a difference in a tip than a training. Sure, of course. Fourth obstacle, I would say, and then we go to solution, regression. It's a very bad habit we picked up as a kid regression is back skipping You ever notice you read something you go back and reread words or you reread a whole line by accident Yes, you know upwards of 20 25 percent of time can be spent rereading words So how do you know now?

1:40:14Jim Kwik:I'm gonna give you just one tip on how to overcome this which will make a big difference This tip is gonna help you read 25 to 50 percent faster with better focus Now that's a huge return because like turn it like like on average our online program 300 percent increase I know right now people are like, okay, how do I get more information from this person? And so I want to make sure they know where to go find you. The first one is you've referenced this podcast that you have. And I'm a subscriber. There's just stuff every single time you're on there that is valuable. And I like that oftentimes it's not even very long.

1:40:45Oftentimes it's just digestible stuff. So how do they find your podcast?

1:40:49Jim Kwik:So on anyone's podcast app, search my name, Jim KWIK. And that is his real name, by the way. I didn't change it to do it. My father's name, my grandfather's name. My life was pretty much planned out. So go get your podcast. Or the best way is actually go to quickbrain.com, k-w-k-brain.com. There are actually videos on speed reading, remember names. I take a live audience up there and they do that. And then all my links to podcasts are there. So for podcasts and your website, both are also where they can get involved with your programs too if they choose to, correct? And then also you've got a great Instagram account.

1:41:19Jim Kwik:Yeah. I mean, the podcast episodes also, we've done episodes on the top 10 brain foods, how to change your habits, how to change your limiting beliefs. Everything that has to do with cognition, we do it in 10 or 15 minutes. So brain hacks are busy people, we'll learn faster, achieve more. And then I love your Instagram. Thank you. I love your Instagram. It's so wonderful. And so I do the lives and the Q &As that are there. And so we like to post things that are just brain hacks. Because Instagram is, you're going to get addicted to it. It's outstanding. Like yours. And I want to challenge people again, ending with this, to take a screenshot of this episode.

1:41:51Jim Kwik:Tag us both on there and then share remember what you teach you get to learn twice and you own it Share your big ahas or your questions and I'll actually I'll repost some of my favorite So do I so do I so please do that everybody take a screenshot tag both of us tell us what your biggest takeaway was So in finishing um you know people when we're done here they're going to wish I wish you know I'd asked you so many more things we got so much done today but you're such a you know just a wealth of knowledge It's unbelievable I hope people take the pictures even of their notes I'd be curious if they tag that They're going to be long, I can tell you that, because we've covered so much today, and thank you.

1:42:21But I think probably, you know, one of the things that I think most people that are listening to this, they're trying to change things. Whether that be a habit or change their life in general. And you're an expert at this. If someone said they got, I always do this, they got two minutes with Jim Quick. They ran into you at your Starbucks and you were as busy as you are. He said, I'll give you two minutes. And they could ask you something. I think the vast majority of the people would say, I want to change something in my life. whether that be a habit or the external results in my life, I want to create a change.

1:42:50What would you say to that person? Where do they begin? What would be a step they could take? What would be a thought they would have in order to create change?

1:42:57Jim Kwik:So the obvious thing to say is lifelong learning. Commit yourself to lifelong learning, but that would be preaching to the choir. Because if someone's watching this right now or listening to this, they are exceptional. And I applaud anyone who's made it all the way to the end. What I would say is self-love is not selfish. I feel like the biggest challenge people have in life is this fear that they're not enough. I believe that's what holds us back and People talk about themselves in relationships I think we grow a lot in our intimate relationships because they are a mirror to us And I also feel like you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much But it's still standing you know what I mean?

1:43:37Jim Kwik:Yeah, and when's the last time? You know learning in love I always wish people you know this year and their days before life Lots of life, lots of love, lots of laughter, and lots of learning. But I think they go hand in hand. And self-love, it's kind of, I don't want to, you know, people could put it into a hold hands and sing kumbaya. But I'm saying do the things that you would do for yourself. Because I feel like we're only happy when two things happen. This is my advice. Number one, you need the curiosity to know yourself. Right? Because that's self-awareness. That's why we meditate. That's why we journal.

1:44:09Jim Kwik:That's why we listen to things. It's self-reflection. We have intimate relationships. We build businesses because they puts us through tests and shows us who we really are. So have the curiosity to know yourself. But once you know yourself, you need the courage to be yourself. You know what I mean? And that's a different game. Totally different. And a lot of us, when we're looking back again, we don't want to have those regrets and the expectations of other people. And that's where I think people could limit themselves. So I would say my advice to somebody right now is to make sure you dedicate time every single day to self-care, you know, and really spend the time to not only know yourself, but give yourself permission to really be yourself.

1:44:50Jim Kwik:Because I feel like everyone makes smart goals, right? They're specific and they're measurable and they're action oriented and they're realistic and they're time bound. And I'm all for that in setting goals. But also make them heart goals. Remember I talked about the power of the heart? Yes. You know make them age healthy in every area of your life. Make sure that they're they're healthy and you're the ecology of your life I would also say II make them enduring, you know make them enduring So as we go through hard times which invariably will through in business and in life and relationships and health Make sure that they they're inspiring enough to be able to get you through those hard times The a is make them a learning a learning mean they pull you right?

1:45:28Jim Kwik:They like what they're so attractive They just like get you out of the out of out of bed. They're learning the R is relevant meaning you want to make them relevant because a lot of people set goals but are they solving a personal problem for you are they really relevant to your particular values in life and in relationships and business and finally the t i think it's the most important one when you're setting goals make them your truth because so many people are setting goals and vision that's not really theirs they picked it up from their parents you know their doctors because their parents were doctors or they're picking up from the joneses or something outside you know know truth and live from there.