The Truth About Haters & How to Use Criticism for Success

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1:06This is the Ed Myerich Show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I'm going to get right into the topic this week, and it involves this idea of haters and whether you really even have them or are they like this boogeyman so many people are making up in their lives as sort of artificial leverage to have success. and if you do have them, is it necessarily a bad thing? What's the difference between a hater, a critic, and feedback? And I want to talk about this today because I think it's really important. Probably the most overcooked, I think you'd agree with me, if you listen to any personal development, any motivational stuff, self-help, entrepreneurship content, this idea of prove your haters wrong, you know, is like everywhere.

1:47It's an easy topic for someone to make a meme about, a podcast about. You know, I see on social media all the time, thank you to my haters. because you're the reason I, and I get all that, but you know, I'm old enough that there were no haters when I was young. We didn't even have the term, but what I did have is some critics. What I did get is some feedback and it wasn't until really the last decade or so, but these people started to get categorized, you know, in this sort of, you know, place that's only to be inspired by or moved away from. And so what I'm gonna talk about today is the five stages of progress that I've been through in my life, the five stages of success.

2:22Um, you know, I talk about this Chinese proverb I love that says, if you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. And I've been down this road pretty far of progress and success, and I've lived, you know, over a half century. And so I want to share with you what I think the five stages of progress are, and they don't start with having haters. And so don't slough off all feedback is hate, by the way. Maybe some of this is stuff that, you know, I needed to hear and maybe you need to hear. In fact, In fact, if I go all the way back in my life, the truth is many of the things my quote-unquote haters had to say, there was some validity to some of it.

3:00Not all of it. Some of it is just pure jealousy and envy. But some of it was stuff I needed to hear. And in hindsight, they were right. There were things I could have been better at and I could have improved on. And right now it seems like all negative feedback is hate. And that stunts progress in your life that, oh, it's just a hater. No, maybe it's something you need to hear. Maybe they see something you don't see. At the same time, maybe none of that's true, and they're just very envious and jealous or insecure themselves, and they're projecting those insecurities on you. But, I mean, how many memes have you seen that's telling you to prove your haters wrong, and Michael Jordan would make up stories, and Tom Brady had a chip on his shoulder, and Dana White's got this thing with his enemies?

3:40I got all that, and it is leverage, and I have been motivated to prove people wrong in my life. But I have to be honest with you. It's not the highest form of motivation is to prove people wrong. It's to prove you right. It's to prove God right. It's to move towards something, not away from feedback. So you can use the dark side and the light side. You can use positive and negative. You can use pain and pleasure as leverage. But sometimes what we call a hater is actually really good feedback and stuff we need to hear. And by the way, even if their intentions are to hurt you, it doesn't mean that it can't help you to hear it.

4:11Just because someone's intentions are bad, it doesn't mean – I mean, I'll be honest with you. When I was younger, people that would say certain things about me, they were doing it because they were insecure or jealous or envious. But it doesn't necessarily mean that what they were saying wasn't accurate and there weren't things I needed to improve on. And so don't slough off all this stuff. Not every piece of feedback or criticism is, hey, and if I can be candid with you, the thing that I see in people is very thin skin. Very few people want to be coached. They say they do, but then they don't like the way they're coached or how they're spoken to, or they take things very personally.

4:49And that's because I really think as a culture, we've become very soft to criticism. And that's unfortunate because when I played baseball, for example, I called it coaching. Like if I were dropping my hands too much, tell me if I were getting out on my front foot when I was hitting, I wanted to know. If I was making a tactical mistake, I didn't think I was a hater or a critic. I thought it was coaching. and even if my coach was mad at me when he did it if the feedback helped me get better I wanted it but I really do feel like people are really sensitive to criticism now and frankly in my life if I didn't get criticism and feedback constructive or not constructive you know I probably wouldn't have grown and changed as fast as I did I love to coach people that are coachable at the speed of instruction that they've got their feelings out of the way you know feelings are something that can really hold back your progress, how you feel about how someone coached you, how you feel about feedback, how you feel about a certain level of criticism.

5:44That feeling, success doesn't care how you feel. So I'm talking to you as a really good friend today. Success doesn't care how you feel about feedback. It just wants you to get better. Success is your coach. Success is your standard. Growth and expansion is requisite in your life. And so don't just take everything that's, you know, hurtful as not true in your life. And so people have asked me, like, was when you had the hater stage, you know, I'll give you the five stages now. There's five stages of progress in your life. But people ask me, was the hater stage when people were really critical of you, which I'm sure I still have, the most difficult stage of your life?

6:27And it's not. I'll give you the stage one in most people's lives. Stage one is invisible. That was the hardest part of my life, feeling invisible. People disregarding me, discounting me, not seeing me, anonymity. That was the hardest part, feeling like no one cared or took me seriously or paid any attention to me. No one was threatened by my progress or worried about me to compete against. And the invisible stage is the hardest stage of life. And that is the stage the vast majority of people are at, even listening today. And it's frankly the stage most people never get out of. They never leave that stage.

7:10Because that invisibility, that anonymity, that complete disregard for you causes you to believe it. I don't think haters or feedback or critics are what stops most people. I think it's feeling invisible. And most people, as I've said, the vast majority of people never get to the point where anybody's noticing them to pick on them. And it's that repetitive pattern of I've always been invisible. I've always been average. So I'm always going to be ordinary. No one's ever going to take me seriously. No one's worried about competing against me. No one sees me coming. And I think that's the stage that, you know, being underestimated is really difficult.

7:53And what's even worse than that is no one estimating anything, right? And that's the hardest stage. And it's the hardest stage of where you are. The good sign for you is when you get to stage two, which is people start to make fun of you. That's stage two. what a great indication you're making progress you are now no longer invisible at least to that one person at least to those five people so the first stage is usually not like hate it's being made fun of it's it's going from being invisible and if you're at that stage right now i can't wait for you to have somebody make fun of you because once you get someone making fun of you you know kind of ripping you like she thinks she's this or that that you know isn't that cute bless his heart He's going to try.

8:39Did you see how bad he did in that speech? Did you see that sales call she made? Oh my gosh, she's hilarious. She takes herself way too soon. Look how he's dressing now. Look at him. Look how he talks. Look at the words he uses, whatever it is. Look at him going to his little business meeting. Look at her thinking she's a big deal. That making fun of you stage is stage two of progress in your life. At that stage, you can discount all of that feedback. that's not real stuff that's insecure people around you being threatened by your progress being threatened by your growth and let's just be really honest it's a huge thing it's a massive compliment to this day you know i'll have you know memes made about me what a huge compliment you know that you know something i misspoke on a podcast or said and conflated you know a word or too.

9:31And it's a huge compliment. And by the way, here's what is really true. Nobody will be making fun of you that's doing better than you. Critics, that's a little different, which we'll get to in a minute. But the people are like making fun of you. They're feeling really bad about themselves. I don't have any energy in my life at this stage and haven't for a long time to poke fun at people. Fortunately, you know, I'm too busy growing and making progress myself. I have this great saying I've said for years that I, when I was getting that feedback from people, pardon my progress. Sorry, it makes you uncomfortable, right?

10:07But if you're getting poked fun of, you're making progress in your life and you've moved out of really the 90 % pool already. The 90 % pool in life is invisible, anonymous, um, underestimate, actually not estimated at all. And they're completely disregarded. And that's a tough place to be stage one. You had to bust your tail to get out of stage one and you can. And the indication that you've gotten out of stage one and you're starting to get something going, even if there's no money, even if you don't have the external results yet, if you're being made fun of, people are joking about you, mocking you, right?

10:42Which is stage two, the mocking, joking, made fun of stage, you are making progress. It is actually the first external indication that you're making progress. You will be made fun of before you make the money. You'll be made fun of before you get the promotion. You'll be made fun of before you get the body. You'll be made fun of before you get the relationship. You will be made fun of first. So people say, and that's when a lot of people quit. They're like, I don't have the external results yet. I don't have the body that I said I'd have or the business or the money or the whatever I said I'd have, the promotion, the degree, whatever it is, the professional career and I'm being made fun of.

11:20That's like a double whammy because there's no external proof that what I'm doing is right for me in my life. Wrong. The mocking, the making fun of stage is the external indication that always comes before the money, always comes before the promotion, always comes before the progress, always comes before the reward is the mocking stage. So if you're being made fun of right now, you're at stage two of progress in your life and good for you and disregard all that feedback. Stage three, though, is the critic stage. This is when people aren't just making fun of you. Now they're being a little bit critical.

11:58And you know what I mean by the difference, right? It hits home. It hits home. They're saying something like, hey, you're spending way too much time away from your family, or all you think about is money, or you're not paying attention to church anymore, or you're so obsessed, whatever it might be. When's enough enough. They start criticizing you, which is different than poking fun at you. And here's the difference because it's actually deeper. It's actually something you're doing. And at this stage, most people in our culture now go, haters, haters, they're hating. I'm going to use it as leverage.

12:32I'm going to do this. And that is really valid a lot of the time, but it shouldn't be your knee jerk reaction. The first thing I think we should be asking ourselves is, is there any validity to this? Is this something I need to hear, even if they are antagonistic towards me? And by the way, some of these people that are critical of you, I remember my dad was critical of me several times and it hurt me because it was my dad, right? Really hurt me. But he wasn't doing that because he was a hater. He was doing that because he was concerned. And in hindsight, he was justifiably concerned about some things I needed to improve.

13:07And so people that love you are allowed to be critical of you and to give you feedback. And they should not be sloughed into the category of hater. So all criticism is not hate. All feedback is not necessarily to be disregarded. In fact, I'd say it's at least 50-50. You should hear some of it and see if there's an adjustment that needs to be made. Or if in your business, you're struggling a little bit and you're being criticized because you're not making enough phone calls or showing up early enough or growing or reading or whatever it might be. You should listen to that and decide, is this valid?

13:46And don't be so dadgum sensitive. Your sensitivity and your feelings may be costing you your dream. Do you hear me? So yeah, there are real haters, okay? But can I give you the truth? The vast majority of people are worried about what you're thinking about them. that's what they're thinking about they're not thinking about you that's sort of an ego thing they're actually not thinking about you they're thinking about what you're thinking about them trust me right and so and I can promise you this like I always watch people that are actually somewhat successful still talking about critics and haters it's like man like your game should be so big right now that you're trying to prove something about who you're becoming I don't spend any of my time with that kind of leverage anymore now I get all that stuff there's the famous Michael Jordan thing where he'd make up stuff, and Dana White's got this thing about enemies, and Tom Brady was a six-round draft pick.

14:43I get all that. I also know a few of them, and I can tell you that although that motivated them, what really made them great was their standards, was who they were trying to become, was what they were trying to accomplish, was their vision, was their dream. Was there a part of them always had a chip on their shoulder? Yes, but there was a much bigger part of them that was chasing a dream, chasing expansion, contribution, their vision for their life. They're running down a dream. They don't have a whole lot of time to spend waiting around and lining up critics. And so I want you to ask yourself that if you're at the critic stage, this is progress.

15:18If you've got critics, you're making progress. Now there is a adage that's also not true. I can tell you in my experience where people said you will only get hate and criticism from people doing worse than you. No, you will only be made fun of by people doing worse than you. But trust me, you'll have some haters, some justifiable haters who are critics of yours that are doing better than you. And sometimes they're your mentor. And the reason for that is they're threatened you may take their position. They're threatened you may never need them again as a mentor because you're outgrowing them and will move on to another one.

15:53I have watched very successful people be critical, frankly, haters of people that they lead. And I've watched it. And for some reason, they are threatened by the progress of a subordinate or someone in their organization who will someday probably do better than them. Great leaders want to see people prosper and do better than them and cheer them on. People ask me all the time, like, why are you so good to people that have not always been great to you. And the reason that I try to be is because it's my standard. When I was younger, I wasn't that way. When I was 30, I didn't have this mindset. I just wanted to win.

16:34But now I want everybody to win. And I don't believe when someone else is winning, it means I'm losing. In fact, I know that's not true. And so if you're at the critic stage, you're really doing something. But by the way, you can be criticized by somebody doing better than you. It's possible. And if that's happening, just understand it. So you got to distinguish. Is this just a hater? This person is just jealous, envious, insecure, and there's no validity to what they're saying? Then use it as leverage. Or is there some validity? It hits home and it bothers you maybe because you know there's some validity to it.

17:03Some of these criticisms when I was younger would really bother me. And if I really pick it apart now that I'm a little bit older, and currently when I have feedback from friends or whatever, it's because it's true. Or there's some shred of truth to it. And so even if they are trying to hurt my feelings, I'm going to leverage it to get better. If it's just hate, slough it off. So that's the critic stage. Okay, I'm going to take you through the real. We're having a real talk today, all right?

17:32Once you pass the critic stage, you become very, very successful. And I'm going to be real with you. This is maybe as motivating as it could be, but it will be in a minute, trust me. But I'm going to tell you the next stage you get to after you're successful. and it's they use you stage. They use you. And you'll then have a bunch of people use you. Use you for your connections. Use you for your relationship. Use you for your credibility. Use you for your money. Use you for your access. Use you for your knowledge. Use you for your brand. Use you for whatever. And that's the next stage of success.

18:06You are now successful when people begin to use you. And almost all people have had some level of progress and success right now are going, I've never heard someone say that out loud. And it's so damn true. And anyone who's ever made any progress knows this. If you want to know whether or not you're making progress and you are now ultimately pretty darn successful, you're going to have people use you and try to use you. And that is stage four. So let's just think about this. There's the anonymity stage, the invisible stage. Then there's the make fun of you stage. Then there's the critic stage.

18:44And then there's the use you stage. And a lot of you right now, I could feel you even starting to tear up. You're like, that's exactly where I'm at right now. I've made some progress. I did have the people make, I was invisible. Then I had some people making fun of me. Then I had some critics. Then I grew, then I got better. Now I'm reasonably successful and I'm on my path to my dream. And you know what? People are starting to use me. And it feels one way street a lot, doesn't it? It feels like you're always contributing. See, the law of reciprocity says that you're going to give without expecting anything in return.

19:13Some people give so that they can make a withdrawal. And that's the other thing you'll experience in your life. When someone says to you, well, for all I've done for you, you can't do this for me. That means they weren't really doing it for you. They were doing it for them with the intention to leverage that at some point. And so if you have someone saying that to you, well, I did this for you or for all I've done, those sentences are someone who was not giving out of just to give. They were giving, expecting something in return. Whereas I want people around me, which will be stage five in a minute, we'll talk about that they give without expecting anything in return, that they actually really embody the law of reciprocity.

19:48But here's the great news because we see all these things as in life. I did initially, cause no one told me any of this as sort of this road. That's just not what you would think it'd be to success. So I went through this stage many, many years of just being invisible and feeling below average and nobody took me seriously. And then all of a sudden, some people started to make fun of me. And that meant somehow I was making some kind of progress that was making insecure people really insecure. And then a little while later, I got some critics. Some of them were just straight haters. You leverage that.

20:24Some of them though, were kind of sent by God, even in a mean package to give me some feedback I needed to hear. And it took me too long to hear it. I sloughed everybody off who was critical. I was really thin-skinned. I think you know what I'm talking about. I was in my feelings. I was real sensitive all the time. But the truth of the matter is, once I started to say, okay, no, that one, that's a jerk. But that one, they may actually be a jerk, but what they're saying, there's some validity to it. I need to shore that up. I'm not getting in early enough. Or I am doing X, Y, or Z. Or I do lose my temper too much.

20:55There's some validity to that. I need to tighten that one up. That's a valid one. And so that's when you're really growing, is when you sit back almost unemotionally and say, is there something I need to hear here? Is there something I need to change here? Is there any validity? You can even ask someone else that you do trust. Hey, so-and-so says this. Is there some truth to that? You're not going to hurt my feelings. Please tell me. Is there some truth? Now, they were just trying to help you, man. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe they're just trying to hurt you, but in that hurt was something that needed to grow you, right?

21:29And then you'll go to a stage where people start to use you. And then you've, you're really making it. And so if you're at that stage now where you're going, yep, someone just did that. Or you know what, six months ago, or I thought about this one situation or yeah, all of a sudden, and that's just part of progress. And it's just never talked about. I, you know, I'm, I don't think I've heard a podcast or anybody cover the use you stage. And you'll never leave that stage completely. And then one of the things you have to do is you become successful. And whatever that means, by the way, it may not mean money.

22:02It may mean just that, man, you're really in good shape now. Or you're way happier. Or your faith's really grown. Whatever it is, when you get to that stage, you have to learn to distinguish when you meet new people, who are they? Why do they want to be around you? and that's part of being more successful like you're being or you will be and for those of you that are on the beginning of the journey this is a podcast you can just remember and listen forever and go oh my gosh he told me that i was gonna get made fun of after i was invisible he's right that's happening oh my gosh now i'm being criticized that happened oh wow someone's trying to leverage me and use me now yeah okay i remember this ed my let told me about that And that's the next stage.

22:49And then there's this other stage though, stage five, where you're around people who give to give. And I'd call this like the collaborate with people stage, the ride with you stage. and then you'll meet a small group and it will be small as you climb life's ladder and whatever that means to you, wealth, money, influence, faith, physicality, spirituality, brand, influence, whatever it is. Then you'll find a small group of people who truly want to collaborate, who want to ride with you, who want to help you, who want to give just to give and you give just to give to them. And that will be a small group.

23:30And when you find that group, that's your tribe. Those are your ride or dies. Those are the real ones. And sometimes they show up, you think they're that way, and it turns out they're not. Always would give you advice to be very, very careful who you allow into your close circle. But when you have those people, that's why becoming successful is worth it. The first four stages are pretty tough. And by the way, you can experience all five stages at the same time. Once you're successful, you can, once you're very successful, you can still have people critical of you that are using you, but that also give and collaborate and love you.

24:08And stage five is beautiful. I remember I'll give you something that I remember when I was younger, my dad had very few friends, close friends. He had some. And I remember thinking, almost looking down at him for that to some extent, like, why doesn't he have a bigger life? Why doesn't my dad have more pals and buddies and, you know, the guys like other people do. And I remember my dad, very wise man saying to me, goes, Eddie, you know, the older you get, the more the circle shrinks and you realize who truly loves you, who truly believes in you, who truly has your back, who's not there to take all the time, but to give.

24:52And he goes, the older you get, you'll realize there's very few of those. And he goes, it'll be a couple friends and it'll be your family. And it won't even be all your family. And I think he's right. You know, the older I've gotten, I've got a great group of people that are in my ride group, my collaborate group, my friend group, but it's hard to get in that group because I've lived a long time and I've seen this stuff. I hope you can appreciate like a real talk today. And let me say this to you. It's all so worth it because when you make your dream come true, whatever that is, as good as you think it's going to be to make it come true, it's a million times better.