Transform Your Life: How One More Can Change Everything

24:42He was like, you can take a cold plunge every day and you're not going to be Tony Robbins. It's more about what you believe rather than what you do. And I thought that was really unique insight. And I appreciate you being willing to be like, hey, you can't just keep putting more and more and more and more and more and more things into this. The reason I only do anything is this. It's the illusion of control. That I start my day dictating the terms of my day, not having them dictated to me. And I think if I can get some control over the first 30 minutes in the last 30, there's a chance I'll have some control in the middle of it.

25:14There's two types of people. There's people who dictate the terms and those people who react and respond. I want to be, this sounds weird because it comes across the wrong connotation, but I want to be a dictator, not a reactor, not a dictator in the terms of leading the country dictator, but a dictator of I dictate the terms. That doesn't happen every day. In fact, it didn't happen today. Today's a pretty good example. I did my morning routine. My first meeting, the person who I was meeting with had the time change wrong. And so my day was set the wrong direction the very second I got out of my routine, but I'm kind of back on track now because I'm going to dictate the day's not going to tell me.

25:49So I want to ask you this question because I think I'm a big believer in self-awareness and leaning into things that you're really good at and then pressing harder on those things rather than like trying to perfect something that maybe you don't have any sort of natural ability to do. So one of your superpowers that I've observed over the years is you have this just innate ability. And that's why I said you're a prodigious people builder at the beginning of this, because you have this innate ability to make people feel like important or significant, or at least make them feel good about themselves.

26:18Is that something that you consciously worked on? Was that something that was always something that was inside of you that maybe you did a little bit better? How did that kind of come into fruition in your day-to-day life? Like I told you the first time, you're really good at this. You hit on maybe one of the three or four things I'm only good at. And that's it. Everything in your life happens for you and not to you. I started saying that I think I was first. And then everyone says it now, because I said it about 15 years ago, but I'll prove it to you. Napoleon Hill says in the book that anything, when you go through any temporary pain in your life, and all pain is temporary, that if you can go through pain on the other side of that, if you can get through it, you get introduced to your other self.

26:56You get introduced to a talent or a gift or another version of you, but you didn't otherwise know you had. For me, that usually in my childhood meant my dad's drinking, who ended up, by the way, becoming sober. He's the reason that the power of one more exists because he stayed sober one more day at a time and tried to get sober one more time and helped one more person. But when I was a little boy, Travis, my dad, I had three little sisters. When my dad would come home, I had to be able to read my dad. I had to be able to read him, be present with him. I'm talking like five years old. Which dad was coming through the front door.

27:29If it was drunk dad, I need to get my sisters and probably have them go upstairs and have mom go take a shower. And I'd have to read this man when he would come through. I'd look up at my daddy. Was his tie on the right way? Was his hair disheveled? How did he walk? What was his pace like? What could I smell on him? And I would read my dad. That would be drunk dad. Or is it sober dad? He comes through. He looks great. He doesn't have any, it's not staggering or struggling or anything like that. They're little subtle things in his eyes. I could see we'd go in the backyard, play baseball, be a great day.

27:58But I started to learn this skill of reading people and being present with them. That was the first thing. My dad's drinking gave me that gift. The second thing was, if it was the wrong dad, I had to make him feel good. Hey, daddy, how was work today? Thank you so much. I'm so proud of you. And I would learn to make my dad feel good so that if it was the drunk dad, I would still get a decent version of him from my sisters and my mom. And so this adversity is what gave me my two biggest skills, my ability to read people and communicate with people came from the worst thing in my life ever, which was my dad's drinking when I was a young man.

28:34And so for those of you listening to this, on the other side of this temporary horrible thing you may go through or have been through is this other self. And eventually that gift or talent of that other self will be the thing you use to win. Win happiness, win money, win influence, win contribution, win emotions will be this other thing. So that was maybe the one of the most important questions anyone's ever asked me is what you. Yeah. So I mean, I appreciate it again, the candid response. How do you process that? So like somebody listening right now, they're in the middle of the trauma. They're in the thick of it.

29:18And it's difficult to see, well, in the future, this is going to benefit me. And a lot of times you don't even want to admit it because it feels so bad and it feels like this shouldn't be happening to me. Life isn't fair. I didn't ask for this. I don't even want to see good in it because I want to be upset about it and I want to feel justified in my bitterness toward this event. How do you get out of that? How do you start changing the way that you're perceiving that? the way uh such great questions bro so i again i have a chapter in the book called one more meaning and one more emotion they're two different chapters and here's the situation it's not our life that it's not the events of our life that dictate where we're going to go or how happy we're it's the meaning we attach to the event it's the meaning so you and i could be at a car accident brother and watch a child die in front of us our meaning we're going to attach if we went up on that accident scene would be, this is tragic and one of the worst moments of our life.

30:16And obviously for the people that are there, mother Teresa is at the same event, bro, same exact event. The meaning she would take, believe it or not, would be, this is the honor of my life that God let me be with this person as they went to heaven, same event, completely different meaning, different emotion. So what you have to ask yourself when you're going through it is what does this mean to me? What would I need it? What would I need to believe about this event that serves me. Start with a different question, different question, different answer, different emotion. So, and so it's not just, but you could actually say to yourself, this sucks.

30:49Okay, fine. What would I need to believe about this? So that would actually serve me my dad dying of cancer. That's a hard one to come up with a good thing for it. And I would ask myself, what would I need to believe about this so that it's a good thing? Or, you know, there was good in it. And I did, I found that because of my dad's illness, I valued my dad more. I valued humans more. I valued my own health more. Before my dad would call Travis. If I was in a meeting, I'd put him to voicemail. You know what started to happen after that? I'd say, hang on a minute. It's my dad. Yeah. And that let them and me know this man right here is more important than whatever we're talking about right now.

31:27So those events changed me and I needed to believe that so that I could get a positive result from it. I didn't really believe it in the beginning. I had to say, what would I need to believe? And then once I adopted that question, my RAS in my brain start to go find the people, places, things and references to prove me right. And all of a sudden, I'm like, this is God at work here. My dad was going to die anyway, not at 73 years old. It should have been 93. But my dad, that event was eventually going to happen. At some point, we all die. But the question was, what would I need to believe about this?

32:02What I needed to believe was that this was conspiring for me because I was going down a path where I didn't appreciate my family enough. I didn't appreciate small things enough. I was constantly doing bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger things, missing all of the small, beautiful things, thinking I would get to them once I had all the big things done. We think about that with our faith, don't we? Yeah, I got my faith. I got it. It's there. And I'm really going to get into it once I don't need to worry about money anymore. I'm really going to dive back in once the kids are a little bit older.

32:34And you start just, these big things that we think are small things, we keep putting away. And so what my dad's cancer did is it moved the important things way up on the priority list for me. And because I'm a man who influences millions of people, perhaps that was God's way of going, I am going to alter you because you're reaching way too many other people not to understand these things. And I'm going to use this thing that was going to happen with your dad in 20 years now. And that's what I needed to believe about it. Talk a lot about meaning in that answer. I'm curious, what do you view as life's meaning?

33:10Why are we here and what should we be striving for? I believe life is about loving people, caring about people, believing in people. And if you can, show them how to do a little bit better. When I walked into the orphanage that I ended up starting my business career in, And all those little boys, they were all molested by their parents or the parents were incarcerated or dead. These little precious eight year old boys. And when I walked in, I wasn't a psychologist. I wasn't a dad. I wasn't qualified to be there. Right. It's amazing. God doesn't call qualified people. He qualifies called people.

33:45And all these little boys wanted for me, bro. They look at me with these eyes. Please love me. Please care about me. Here's a big one. Most people don't get. please believe in me. Very few people believe in other people, right? And show me how to live better. And what I found out, those little eight-year-old boys are no different than the most famous athlete, politician, entertainer, Travis or Ed everywhere. We want people to love us, care about us, believe in us. And in our way and what we bring to the table, show me how to deliver, do better. With your gift, you show me how to do better. With my gift, I show you how to do better.

34:26And no one's gift is more important than the other person's. And the more you just go, gosh, that is really why we're here. If you're a Christian like I am, and I know you are, but even if you're not, wouldn't you assume that's what God would want us to be doing? Serving one another, serving his kingdom, loving one another, caring, truly believing in each other. Why do you believe in human beings so much? Because I actually know their DNA. They were born to do something great with their life in their way because the same God that made me in his image and likeness, his blood's running through them.

34:58So I'm no better or worse than them. I know who they are. They're my brother or sister. So you bet you're I love them. I care about them. I believe in them. Even when they are doing things they shouldn't be doing, even when they're falling down, even when they're failing, even when they're sinning, because there's this thing called grace. my dad, Travis lived 35 years as an alcoholic, probably not a great husband, probably not a great dad. And in one decision completely changed his life and became my hero and lived a better life than any man I have ever known on earth personally the next 35 years.

35:30So I'm in the business of helping people change their lives because I watched my hero do it. Yeah. Went 35 years the wrong way and then went 35 years nearly perfect. So I know people can change. with, with your dad, with your dad being gone now, is there anybody that, that you're looking up to anybody that you're kind of following and looking to for advice or wisdom? It's a tough one. Cause my dad gets me emotional. My dad was definitely that person for me. Anything good that happened, I'd call my dad. I do have a surround myself, man. I want to name all of them by name, but I do, I have a group of people.

36:07I surround myself that, you know, in the book, you know, I talk about this a lot. You have a thermostat setting of your life. It's your identity. So if you have a money identity set at 75 degrees and you start making 100 degrees worth of money, you'll find a way to turn the air conditioner back down to get what you believe you deserve. So in different areas of my life that I want to grow in, I surround myself that live with people that live at higher temperatures than me. So in my faith life, if there's three, four, five guys, Erwin McManus has become a good friend of mine. Joel Osteen's come into my life a little bit.

36:36Steven Furtick's come into my life a little bit. Guys you would not know by name that are just wonderful guys of faith. I want to be around them, right? Because they can heat me up a little bit. My financial life, you know who some of my neighbors are. So, you know, there's some really wealthy billionaire guys that are neighbors of mine. They heat me up that way. But to be honest with you, man, and I don't mean to be overly preachy about faith today because I don't, I don't, it sounds a little bit crass when I say it because I'm not even qualified to talk about this stuff, but I really, man, when I lost my father on earth, I got a lot closer to my heavenly father.

37:12And so I was already pretty close, but I lost my father on earth. I don't have another one of those, but I can, this other one in heaven's with me every single day. And so I do bring him into my podcasts. I bring him into meetings like this. I pray about it before I go on a sales call. I feel his presence. It gives me peace, gives me comfort. I'm hoping he'll give me the words and the wisdom and the direction. And so that's really who I rely on the most. So you brought up the podcast. I would be remiss. I'm a big, obviously, podcasting fan. I love helping people with podcasts. We did a lot of coaching and consulting around helping entrepreneurs podcast because I just love the medium and I think it's awesome.

37:52And it's done wonders for my network, which has also affected my net worth coincidentally, right? What do you get out of the podcast? Why do the podcast? I feel like I get, well, for me, selfishly, I now use my podcast almost as a weapon to meet the people that I want to know that I don't know. Yes. I do that. And I also, I do a lot of that. And I also highlight friends that I think are special. So for me, it's this vessel to express myself this week. For example, I did one that's just me. So sometimes I'll do that. For me, it's a form of expression. It's a form of being able to reach people. I find on my podcast, man, it's one of the few things I do regularly that I always look forward to doing.

38:34That's not like, oh, I got this on my calendar. And to me, that's an indicator that it's a calling, right? Like I get to do this today. And I love sharing people, sharing with people. People laugh at me all the time. They're like, man, you are really enthusiastic when you have a guest on. I really do love people. I really am interested in them. I really do believe in them. And I wouldn't put you on my show if I didn't think you could help people do better. So it's probably like the ultimate form of doing what I think we should do as humans with my limited skill set is my show. And I feel so blessed, man, that people listen to it.

39:09I mean, I got to tell you, it's such isn't it weird? Like sometimes I'm like, I can't believe that many people just listen to this thing. You know, it's amazing how many it can reach. And I just did a deal with Sirius and Stitcher, kind of like what Rogan did. But I only do one show a week. He does a show a day, which is crazy to me. but um yeah man it's just it's uh i feel so blessed to get to do my show you got you got uh zero lack of opportunity at this point we were just talking before we even hit the record button that you know you're doing you're doing like a hundred podcasts or something for the book but then also there's probably hundreds or thousands of requests that you have to turn away what makes you say no or yes to an opportunity and how do you say no hard it's the thing i'm the worst at It's the thing I'm the worst at is saying no.

39:55And I have to learn to get better at it. But why would I say yes to something? Because sometimes I'll even do things like I did with you the first time I did your show. Sometimes I just pray about it and God says, this is one you need to do. Most of the time I'll do it if either A, I believe I can make a contribution and make a difference or B, I think the person I'm supporting doing it with should be elevated. This sounds odd, but like by my brand and presence with them, if I can lift them up. So that's the ones I say yes to, but almost always it's based on contribution. 20 years ago, if you wanted to get me to do something, you better be able to throw at me attention and wreck money.

40:31Now I have plenty of those things. So those are not drivers for me like they used to be. Everyone wants attention. Everyone wants more money. Everyone's right. But it's not my primary driver. My primary driver now is growth and contribution. If I think I can help people grow or myself grow, or I can contribute by being there, then that's where God wants me sitting that day. I really believe that. And it's where I feel home. It's where I feel like this is a vibrational frequency and energy where I'm like, yep, this is right. And that's sort of how I usually make the decision. But in all candor, you know, you can't learn everything from one person.

41:02And one thing you would not learn to do well for me is how to say no, because I hate hurting people's feelings. And I have an absolutely terrible time saying no to people. And it surprises people because I'm super intense, dude. And I can be very candid. But in terms of just saying no, man, am I terrible at that? Well, I appreciate you saying yes to this one.

41:51the best background, the most connections. I didn't have any of those things. What I could control was my work ethic. You've heard me speak many times about outworking everybody, but I think that just feels good when we hear it, but most people don't take it seriously. If you think that I have a little bit of success in my life, I can tell you what I attribute it to. Yes, self-confidence. Yes, mindset, visualization, goals, all the things I talk about all the time, listening skills, influence, energy transfer, how to be happier. All of that stuff applies. When you get to winning, for me, it's come down to maxing out.

42:24And what maxing out means is you do one more at least than you think you're capable of. So when you're done, whatever you're doing, whether it's at the gym or phone calls or meetings or in sports, one more shot, one more throw, one more swing of the golf club or the baseball bat, the separator is for the winners. They do one more. I'm addicted to one more. And so I want your mantra going forward to be one more. What does that look like if we're working out? That means when we're in the gym and we say, I'm going to do five sets of 10, I'm crazy. Like I'm a psycho because I want to win. I want to be somebody.

42:58I want to separate. I want to compete. And the way I do that isn't with my giftedness because I wasn't born with a bunch of gifts. And I think gifts are crap. I think for the most part, gifted people struggle in life because things come easy to them. I like that things haven't come easy for me in my life. I like that I don't have natural talents in every area. And maybe you like that about you too. Maybe you've looked at yourself all your life and thought, man, I don't have that natural beauty or that natural talent or this gift for creativity or intellect or humor. I don't have any of those things.

43:30But what I got is I will outwork you. And so at the gym, one of the things I focus on, they say it's five sets of 10. When I'm at 10, I go one more, bam, 11. If I'm running on the treadmill and it's a 45 minute run, I never finish at 45. I always go one more minute, 46. If I'm at the office and I'm supposed to make 25 phone calls that day, when I'm at the end of the day, I always do one more. If I've got meetings, I always do one more. My mantra for three decades in business has been one more. Why? Because we get out of life what we think we deserve. And I'm the kind of guy that I know when you do 45 minutes on the treadmill and I do 46, I deserve to be fitter.

44:11I know that when I'm lifting weights and I watch you do five sets of 10 and every single time I do one more. When it's a set of five, I do six. When it's a set of eight, I do nine. When it's 45 on the treadmill, I do 46. When it's supposed to be 20 phone calls, I make 21. When it's supposed to be an eight hour workday, I work nine. Whatever it is, I always do one more. And what that does is it makes me eventually think I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do, so I should get things other people aren't going to get. And if you go to the root of the things I believe philosophically about winning, the people that win, the great athletes that I coach, when I watch the really gifted golfer and the one who actually wins, the gifted golfer, they do what they're supposed to do.

44:54You'd never know they weren't working hard. It's not like people don't work hard. Everybody works hard. That's a given now. But what's the separator to where you become the maxed out version of you? See the gifted golfer, they hit their hundred balls because they're supposed to, but the not-so-gifted one that ends up winning, they hit 101 or 110 or 120. I watched them on the driving range and you can hear them say, one more, one more. What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and other gifted NBA players when he played, or Michael Jordan when they played, or right now Kevin Durant, people tell me, or Steph Curry.

45:32They're constantly, when everyone else is done shooting in the gym, they say one more. Larry Bird was legendary for one more, one more. The people that would throw the passes to him, the ball guys in practice, he always wants more. He always wants more. The great hitters that I know, the Mike Trouts and MLB, they're gifted, but they just take a little more. They take that extra batting practice, that extra session. They're always doing extra. That's the separator. You can learn all this stuff. You can digest all the tactics because of information that I give out. But if you're not willing to do one more, eventually there's a part of you that says, maybe, maybe I don't deserve it.

46:07I'm just doing what everybody else is doing. And that's not good enough. It's not even good enough to do more than everybody else. It's your maxed out level. It's one more of everything. And so whether that's a phone call, an email, a text, an appointment, one more time you tell your spouse you love them, one more time you go in and kiss your children goodnight, one more hug of somebody, one more phone call, one more everything. I want your theme to be one more. Have I said that enough times for you today? So what's that really look like an application? Well, the second thing it does for you is you actually do more reps of whatever it is you're doing.

46:40And when we do more repetitions, we get better. And when we do more repetitions, we're more productive. So number one is the psychology part. If you're someone who's always doing things other people aren't willing to do, you always max out, you always go to the next level, you convince yourself you deserve to win. you can take low self-esteem, low identity, low confidence and change it over time by building this habitual addiction to doing one more. This obsession of one more. All the greats do one more and all the average don't. It's not that the average don't work hard. It's not that the average at your company, they don't, it's not that they don't work hard.

47:17They probably work pretty hard, but do they always do extra? Do they always do one more? Do they always do 10 more if they need to? Do they always get after it? The other part of it, number two, is you just get better because of the reps. You're just doing more of something, you get better. You get stronger. You become a better phone caller when you make one more phone call every day. You become a better communicator when you do one more meeting every single day. You get better at coordination in your sport or at the gym by just doing more reps. Yes, you get better. So that's the second layer.

47:46But the third one is you stack the odds in your favor. See for me, I want the odds that I'm going to win to increase. The larger numbers we play in life in every area, more is always better. People tell you, more isn't always better. And almost everything more is better, just so you know. And almost everything. People who tell you more isn't better in most things are lazy. And they try to justify their own weakness. Don't let people who are justifying their own weakness convince you that you working hard, you doing more isn't the pathway to your success. People say, well, you got to work smarter, not harder.

48:22That's a lie because everybody who wins works smarter. The separator is who works harder. And by the way, we become smarter through working harder. All the new revelations, all the breakthroughs, all the new discoveries always come when you're doing one more. Always come through more repetitions. You find new ways, new strategies, new words, new keys by higher repetitions. So even if you believe working smarter is more important, you will become smarter by doing more. So if you work 300 days a year, let's just say 300 days a year, that's 300 more phone calls every single year. Over five years, that's 1 ,500 more contacts.

49:011 ,500 more contacts. Just think about that just for a second. Over 30 years, that's 9 ,000 more contacts. What are the odds the person who makes 9 ,000 more contacts or even 300 more a year are going to win. You give me two average people that walk in a room, same ability, same skills, same backgrounds, same product. One of them makes 300 more contacts a year than the other one. Who's going to win? We know. How about over five years? One of them makes 1 ,500 more contacts over five years. Who's going to win? Over a lifetime, 30 years of work, one makes 9 ,000 more contacts. Who's going to win?

49:37You stack the odds in your favor. Never mind the person who'd made the 9 ,000 more contacts is better. They've got more reps. They've got more confidence. They believe they deserve to win. They just have 9 ,000 more opportunities. How about a golfer? One of them makes 300 more swings a year, a year, and that's just one more swing a day, right? And over five years, 1 ,500 more, 9 ,000 over a lifetime. Who's more likely to win? So you pick anything you want. You begin to stack the odds in your favor. How about at the gym? If every day you went one more minute in your cardio, so it's supposed to be 45, you do 46.

50:09Do you know what that starts to do to you, you start knowing you're different. You start knowing you obliterate standards. You start knowing you can break through. When you break through an artificial barrier like 45 minutes, you do one more. It sets a catalyst for your entire day. It sets a syntax. It sets a mindset for the rest of your life. Never mind the fact that if you do 300 more minutes, which is 9 ,000 more over your lifetime, who's going to be more fit? So you begin to stack these things and your entire life changes. This is what I like to call compound pounding. Most people underestimate what time can do when backed up with massive activity.

50:47Right as I'm speaking to you, I'm looking out at the ocean right now, and there's a massive rock formation, and you can see the rivets and the rocks. And what caused those rivets and the rocks was compound pounding of the ocean hitting that rock over and over and over again, over and over, compound pounding against that rock. And over time, that ocean breaks the rock down. Over time. Where you can see the breakdown in a rock that water does hitting it. Think about that over time. Not one time when the water hits it. Not two times. Not five times. When you add up years and years and years of that water hitting the rock, it breaks it down.

51:26And that's like getting through to your dream. You have to be like that water hitting the rock I'm staring at right now. That over time, that compound pounding breaks down the barriers, breaks down the obstacles, breaks down anything in your way of getting to your dream. So I'm sold out on all the strategies and tactics that I teach you, but what I believe in completely is the power of compound pounding. And here's the crazy thing about most people, they will give up on their dream before the compounding has been allowed to kick in. So they'll work at it and they'll work at it and they'll at and they don't see the breakthrough but what they don't understand is that rock was getting ready to break if you just keep pounding against it but because most people don't see the evidence see if you watch that water hit that rock over one day you're gonna see no difference two days no difference five days no difference maybe even a year there's no difference maybe even five years but you have the compound pounding of every wave hitting that rock over and over again there's an inevitability to the breakdown of the rock that's true of your goals and dreams as well.

52:29There's an inevitability to success. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when, when we adopt one more, when we adopt compound pounding. Do you know the kind of confidence you begin to have when you just accept in your life that I am going to be relentless, I'm always going to do extra, and you accept the fact that all things break down over time. All the barriers will go away, all the obstacles will go away, everything in your way will go away if you keep after it over an extended period of time. Most people overestimate what they can do in a year. They do. They set up goals for a year and they overestimate where they're going to get to.

53:08And they dramatically underestimate what they can do in a decade. And the reason for that is most people don't understand the power of compound pounding. So I want you to accept today that you're going to be relentless, that you're going to keep coming, that you're like a dripping faucet. You're like those waves hitting the rock. Other people are going to get slowed down. Other people are going to take a break. Other people are going to flinch. Other people are going to cool it. Other people are going to believe they've made it. Or maybe some people are going to believe they can't make it. But you're going to be relentless.

53:34You're going to be repetitious. You may not be the fastest. You may not be the smartest. You may not be the strongest. You may not be the most beautiful. You may not have the most articulate thoughts and ideas in the world. But what you got is compound pounding. What you got is one more. And when they get weak, you just keep company. When they flinch, you blow their doors off. That's how you win in life, is you keep getting after it and keep getting after it until the job gets done. So a lot of people can be excited for a day. They can be excited for a month. Some people can be excited for a year or two or three years.

54:03But the winners, they stay excited as long as it takes to get the job done. They keep after it until the job gets done. They never stop. They're always after it. And that's where their strength comes from. That's where their confidence comes from, is knowing their capacity to keep coming at you and that all your competition is going to get weak. They're going to get tired. They're going to surrender. They're going to give in. They're going to think they made it. They're going to take a break. They're going to cool it. And you just keep coming. It's just nature. Just like the nature of the ocean against that rock, it's just nature that you run down your dream, that you knock down your dream.

54:37I want you to implement all the things that I teach on Max Out. All the tactics, all the strategies, but more than anything, I want you to buy into the fact of an inevitability of you winning. That it's inevitable. That it might not be a year or two years or three years, but you're going to stay excited. and you're going to keep doing one more until the job gets done. Today's message is very simple. You can win. You should win and you will win. I want you to feel this. You will win if you just keep coming. You keep getting after it. You keep doing one more. You can control this. You can't control all the exterior things in your life, people's attitudes, how they treat you, who cancels on you, who changes their mind, who hates on you, who lets you down, but you can control this.

55:20You You can always go 46 instead of 45. You can always go 11 instead of 10. You can always make the next phone call. Always do one more meeting. Always do one more. Always, always, always. And I promise you, you will knock down that rock that's in between you and your dream and make them come true. Today's really simple. You're going to knock down whatever that rock is that's in between you and your dream. You're going to keep after. You're going to be relentless. You're not going to give in. You're going to be the person who stays excited until the entire job gets done. until that dream is real and you know long term all these other people, they're going to flinch, they're going to get weak and you won't.

55:57You've adopted a max out mindset and I want to remind you today to stay connected with me. I want you to win. Hope you can feel it today. I want to break it down to its most simple form, which is that you use nature to your advantage. You use the force of you, the force of effort, the force of sustained effort over an extended period of time to wear out the obstacles in front of you in your dream. I want you to feel the confidence that comes with that. I'm telling you, look at me, listen to me. You're going to do this. You're going to win if, and it's a big if, if you'll just adopt it. It ought to be written everywhere.

56:31One more, one more, max out everywhere you can put it. It's inevitable. It's not if anymore. It's just when. Plot twist. We're turning the tables on me and I'm being interviewed by my dear friend, Jamie Kern Lima about my new book, The Power of One More. So enjoy. God bless you. First off, I just want to say I have had the gift of reading the first draft of the manuscript of The Power of One More. Congratulations. Thank you. It is such a good book. And I feel like, you know, when I was reading it, I laughed, I cried, I bawled my eyes out. I sat there and read things and I thought to myself, they do not teach you this in school.

57:13Like there's so much in there that they just don't teach you in school, whether you're a business leader or leading a team or trying to learn how to be persuasive or just trying to live your best life. So just right off the bat, I want to hear it in your words. What is The Power of One More? Why did you write this book? Who's it for? Well, the first person I sent it to was you of anybody in the world. So that should say something. The fact that you like it means a lot to me. So I wrote it after my dad died. So my dad passed away and I realized a couple of things. One, I learned a lot of lessons from my dad, most of which were what I wanted to do in my life.

57:49And I wanted to write them to honor my dad because most of them I took from him. The second part of it was it occurred to me that, you know, when you watch someone you love pass away, especially a parent, you know, it sort of dawns on you that you ultimately are next. And you know, that it made me really think about the end of my life and you know, what do I want my life to be like? What do I want to have accomplished? Where do I want to have gone? What difference do I want to make? What emotions do I want to have? And then also like, what do I know about life so far? Because the older I get, the more I realize I don't know as much as I used to think I know, but there are certain things I've definitely discovered in my life that have helped me become more successful and happier.

58:30And I wanted to document them, you know, before I forgot them. And, and so I decided to go about writing a real manuscript, a thorough manuscript. I call it, you know, the ultimate guide to being either successful or happy. And, um, those two things are sort of interchangeable, but it was emotional writing it. Um, and I learned some things about myself and my dad as I wrote it, some things dawned on me as I was writing it. Nope. That was from dad too. That was from dad as well. And so, um, I'm proud of it. I'm proud of the book. It was obviously things you always wish you could do better or differently, But as I've told you, but I do believe this book will help people become happier and more successful for sure.

59:06You know, I was going to ask you hearing that, you know, writing a book is such a journey, right? And I bet you a lot of people listening to us right now or watching have started the first page of their book, or maybe they haven't yet, or they want to. And, you know, on your journey, I was going to ask you that right off the bat is what have you learned about yourself in this process? Because this book is deep. I mean, it's like great business and leadership lessons, but the personal stuff and the layers are really deep. I think that that's a great question. And you and I discussed this a little bit last night just as we were talking about this.

59:40But I think it's dawning on me more and more the impact that my dad's drinking had on me in my life, even to this day, as I was writing the book. You know, just when you grow up with any dysfunction in your family. By the way, I grew up in a very loving family, a tremendous family. I'm very proud of my family. But that doesn't mean it didn't come without some dysfunction. And a lot of people come from dysfunction. It could be alcohol or drug abuse. It could be divorce. It could be bankruptcy. It could be they didn't tell you they loved you enough. One huge form of child neglect that I realized in writing the book is a parent who doesn't pursue their dreams.

1:00:16You're neglecting your children when you do that. You're neglecting your children when you don't pursue your potential and your dreams. you're installing in them that it's okay not to become the best version of you. And they, a lot of things in life are caught, not taught. And what I realized when I was writing the book is I caught a lot of things from my dad that he doesn't necessarily intentionally teach me. But I do think as I read it, it dawned on me more and more that these things that happen when we're children, good, bad, or indifferent, do impact us as we get older. Even when the world thinks we've got it or she's got everything.

1:00:53People think that sometimes of you or myself. And I realized that, no, there's impact and effect and ramifications from things that happen when we're young and when we're children that we carry with us even into adulthood. And I certainly uncovered some of those things about myself in the book, writing it. What you just said is huge. I've never heard anyone say that before. And I just, would you mind saying that again? Because usually, and my own experience and so many other people were like, oh, do I, you know, am I too ambitious? Am I, you know, do I put everything on hold for my kids? A lot of times people think as parents, you know, are we going after things too much, right?

1:01:31And we dial it back. And you're saying, you're saying not going after your dreams. I think absolutely that's a fact. I think it's the most insidious form of neglect of a child. Woo! Is the, it's an, and it's... Coming in hot! Coming in hot, Ed Milet. And I feel that strongly, I really believe that strongly now too, because there's something that happens to our spirit when we know we're not becoming who we're supposed to be. And that thing that's happening to our spirit, that in and of itself robs us of our ability to even love people to the extent that we can, to express ourselves, to give them the energy that we're capable of giving.

1:02:06And so, yeah, I think that a lot of people think that, well, I know I came from a great and loving family. That's wonderful. That's terrific. but was there anything in there where you know you look now their lives and even as my dad got older i'm so proud of my dad and the different things he accomplished but there were even times later in life he goes you know this little spot there i wish i'd have taken a bigger risk i'd wish i'd have gone for it i wished i'd just tried a couple different things and he would impart those lessons on to me now he was such a humble person that as you know we'll talk about later when he passed away i found out that just massive difference my dad was making every day in people's lives that I had no idea that he had done.

1:02:42But I think anybody listening to this or watching it ought to really think through. You love your family. It's really easy to say, hey, sweetheart, you can be anything you want to be. But there's a point in most children's lives where they wonder, well, why aren't you? And at some point, all of us, true, like I figured out who my dad is in writing this book, right? I figured, you know, at some point in my adulthood, I figured out who he was, who my mother was, how my mother's just, my mother's the lost person. She's this beautiful person who literally held our family together when it wasn't, you know, almost cable of being held together.

1:03:14But I have to tell you, all children eventually figure out who their parents are in the world. You're going to love your parents, but there's an age where you figure out who are they? What difference have they made? What have they achieved? What have they given? You know, what's their role in the world? And so all of your children are going to eventually figure that out anyway so you might as well go for your dreams now and there's there's another notion I'll just say lastly this this notion that well if I'm really crushing it at work I'm gonna be neglecting my family or if I'm really if I'm at the gym that's gonna take from work the truth is I talk about this in the book about you know extremity expands capacity and the truth is that nothing's further that's absolutely not true for me when I'm crushing it at work I'm a better dad when I'm a great father I bring more love and compassion and joy and energy to work.

1:04:01When I'm fit and training and eating great, that magnifies positively all the other areas. There's this fallacy that if you have a lot of one, you must have less of the other. And that's just not true. You know, I am preparing for today. I am not taking a second of everyone listening in their precious time for granted. And I have, you don't know this, but I've reached out to a number of your close friends asking them, what would you ask Ed? I have reached out and a lot of people on Instagram DMing me questions for you. And, you know, this was going to come later, but I just want to throw this out there because it's something that you just shared.

1:04:37So a lot of your community sending me questions, right? So at Eclipse Holsters asked, and I want to share this because it piggybacks on something you just shared. How do you handle your family that doesn't necessarily want you to succeed because they're more comfortable if you stay stuck and poor like them, how do you walk in your success and enjoy it? And so I think that's interesting because you're saying your kids will figure out who you are and really, really go for it. And a lot of people are struggling because maybe their parents, their loved ones, their friends and family actually kind of prefer if they just stay stuck.

1:05:13Yeah. Mine did. Mine did. And I could tell you on the other side of it, they loved me. Most of the time, they truly love you. They're very concerned about you and let's be honest if you're an entrepreneur there's a lot of struggle and most parents don't want to see their children hurt they don't want to see you go through difficult times then there's the other part of it with like oh you're you know you're all after the money thing or you know what's important is family and what people what they fail to understand because of their own limiting beliefs here's what's going to happen in your life people with limiting beliefs are going to be projecting onto their belief systems over and over and over and again and as long as you are aware that that's what's happening, that it's not probably, look, there's probably some folks in your family that are antagonistic against you, but the vast majority love you.

1:05:56They love you. They're projecting onto you their limiting belief systems. Here's what I can tell you that I know for a fact, that when you win, and you know, I talk a lot about this in the book, the second chapters about the matrix. And I talk about Neo and Neo in the matrix is the one. And you know that I'm well known for saying that, you know, that you can become the one in your family that changes the happiness and success level. Because in every family that you see that's wealthy or just happy, at some point in their lineage way, way back, they weren't. And then the one shows up, the Neo, the Jamie in that family shows up.

1:06:32And here's what I can tell you, having been a person who sort of has been the one, is that you actually change the way they think eventually. and that my family now embraces bigger thinking. My family now embraces chasing dreams and maximizing your potential. It took a while, took a couple of decades, but that type of talk will not happen in my family again. And so the fact that that's happening to you in your family makes it even more requisite upon you to go do something great so that that legacy of limiting thinking and small thinking and playing life small and settling for, listen, it's not just good enough to be a good person in life.

1:07:12You're supposed to contribute. You're supposed to make a difference. You were born to make a difference in your life. And so, yeah, a ticket into the game is being a good human. A ticket into the game is being kind and caring, which is pretty rare nowadays. So that's a ticket into the stadium. But then you got to get on the field and play. And to play the game is what life's all about. We were put here to play the game. And I can tell you that on the other side of it, here's the great news. Your family won't think that anymore, that way anymore when you're done. My family doesn't think like that anymore.

1:07:45My nephews, my nieces, my sisters, my mom, my family, they don't think like that anymore. They get it. And so I not only changed the financial dynamic of my family, I changed our emotions. I changed the way we think. And by the way, I would say that had my dad not made the decisions he made, I would have never been in a position. The sacrifices he made allowed me to be the one. And so the other thing lastly I'd say is a lot of you have beautiful souls in your family who have sacrificed so much for you. It's incumbent upon you now to rise up and to become that one that finishes the game, finishes the job.

1:08:19Some of you come from families with legacies of real tragedy in your family, or maybe you're born into a dynamic where your entire race has been victimized most of the generations of your existence and you have ancestors that have sacrificed for you. I don't have that history, but many of you do, man, you got to do something great and honor them and take it to the next level and honor those sacrifices they made. And so it'll change the way they think eventually. What you just shared is going to change someone's life today. Good. It's huge. And you talk about the one in your family and, you know, two things to let everyone in on behind the scenes a little bit is, you know, right before we started filming, We were sitting down just now and realized for the first time we both have bagged groceries at Safeway, pushed carts in the parking lot.

1:09:05Yeah, you were better at it than me, though. Yeah, you were saying that you put the bread on the bottom and the eggs. Don't put the eggs and the bread and the cakes on the bottom of the canned food. No, no. Yeah. But we were both, you know, the one in our family, right? And I think that concept that you talk about is so powerful because there's so many people out there that have that narrative of like, oh, where I come from, maybe limits where I can go. It's like, no, no, no. You can be the one in your family. Well, you're a much better example than most people that know your story. You're a tremendous example of that being the case.

1:09:39And so. Well, thank you. And I knew you were going to try to make it about me today. I'm like, uh-uh, we're going right back to you, Ed. You're in the hot seat. This is about you. this is about you thank you though yeah and you know that's true about you that was a great conversation and if you want to hear the full interview be sure to follow the ed my let show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes you'll never miss an episode that way the premise of the book is i believe human beings can change and the reason i believe human beings can change is because i watched my hero do it my dad was an alcoholic and used drugs first 15 years of my life didn't live the perfect life and then I watch somebody make one decision give it one more try and completely change his life and live the most magnificent life of any man that I've ever known and so I know human beings can change because I watch this stuff happen up close and the theory in my book is really simple you were born to do something great with your life my dad until he got sober did not know he was born to do something great he walked around with a lot of shame he felt invisible he didn't think he was qualified to help people just like thousands of people watching this and the millions who will ultimately watch the replay of it, they think they're disqualified because of a mistake they've made or they've been average and ordinary all their life or something they're ashamed of or their weakness is something they're embarrassed by.

1:10:54They think I'm disqualified. That was my dad. And then my dad made one decision. And here's the truth. You were born to do something great with your life, right? You were, if you're out there in New Guinea, who I just talked to online, you were born to do something great and it's high time the world started to speak this way to each other, that we loved each other, that we supported each other and that human beings know they were born for a reason, which is to do something awesome in little ways and big ways with their life, right or wrong. And the theory is this, you're much closer to your dreams and your visions than you think you are.

1:11:31And it's because you think it's so far away or because you think you're disqualified or not ready for it, that you perpetually act in accordance with that and you keep this dream, you keep these visions that far away because you believe it. And it's a lie. It's the adversary getting you to believe it's far away so you'll never get there. And the truth is your dream, your life, the things you want, you're one decision away. One relationship, one meeting, one event like this, one thought, one emotion from completely changing your life. I've watched my dad do it. I've watched me do it. I've watched a lot of my friends in this room do it.

1:12:06There's a bunch of people online that do it and Those decisions can do something great or something catastrophic You're one decision away from messing up your life also and ruining other people's lives And that's what I want to start out with today This week's been hard for me because I wanted to promote this event because I know we can change the world The same time all of us are aware of what happened in Texas this week And it's made me emotional all week. I've been torn do I continue and I just know the world needs us right now if you're online right now share this share this with people tell them get online hear this right now the world needs some inspiration it needs some love it needs to know humanity's still good it needs to know we can collectively do something awesome in our businesses our families our faith in our communities and our churches and this clown this 18 year old in Texas this week made one decision that ruined destroyed so many families lives not just the lives of the children that had their lives taken in their parents but imagine all these precious children that were so scared in that school the law enforcement officer had to respond the community any child in the world any parent in the world right now we've been affected he's hurt us and I want to hurt I want to I want to fix it with one decision and so I've decided I hope you're with me on this I'm gonna take all of the proceeds of the book today and we're going to give it to the victims, the family's victims in Texas, right?

1:13:33And so any of you, any of you that get a book or want to go get another one, you probably want to hand a few out. Every single dollar of that is going directly to the families, directly to an organization called victimsfirst.org. That money goes right to them. And also, I'm going to take all the money from the book and give it to them. The other thing we're going to do, and I hope you'll support this by getting extra books, going on Amazon, buy one more, buy five more. And also, I'm going to then match what we raised and double it myself. So I'll give that away. And my dear friend, Jamie Kern Lima, who many of you saw interview me on my show this week, she heard that I was doing this and she said, I'll match what you give.

1:14:18So now Jamie's matching what I give. So we're going to do something pretty awesome for these families. We're just going to prove there's a force for good in the world, which is all of us. I am really excited to have this lady on my show today because she's special. Not only is she a special human being, but she's had a very special life and a very, very interesting last three or four years of her life as well. I think she's going to share with you some insights and perspective that she's uniquely qualified to deliver to you. So Maria Menounos, thank you for being here today. Thank you. I'm so honored to be on your show.

1:14:55You and I are both big believers that everything you need is within you now. And you started out, you started early in the interview by saying something amongst so many brilliant things, which is that if you'll get quiet and listen, you have the answer. And I think that was so beautiful, but I don't want to cheat the audience out of letting you answer because I asked you two questions back to back there. This taught me what about life would you say? Um, it taught me so much. I think it taught me that your life, it really is about your choices, um, that we have more power than we know and more, um, choices and that it really is.

1:15:35Um, it really is about your health and your, your fulfillment and your happiness and the love you have with your people, you know, whoever your people are, that's the only thing that matters in that last moment. Right. So I kind of had that moment, right. Where you're like, Oh, what's going to happen. Am I going to be okay? Am I not going to be okay? Well, guess the only thing that mattered is the fact that I had Kevin and that he loved me and that I loved him and my parents and my dogs and, and all of that. You know, I've, I've had some friends who were having some rocky times in their relationships and, you know, it's so easy to be tempted and say, Oh, I'm just going to go have fun with all these new people.

1:16:18And yeah, we're going to get divorced and that's it. I'm like, okay, but guess what? When you're sick, she's your ride or die. She's going to take care of you. This other person, yeah, you can go have fun. That's going to be it. And so I've actually mended a few relationships because of this knowledge. And it's true. Like that's all you have in the end is your relationships and your health and your love. And yeah. I've had friends want to ask you this because it seems like it didn't happen with you. And I know we're going deep guys. I know today has been heavy, but I want to give you the gift of this woman.

1:16:55You know, I feel like for some reason, your story is more relevant right now, Maria, than it's ever been with all of. I think a lot of people think they're going through a crisis in their life right now. And perhaps it's, there's some perspective given here as well. Also tools, but I've had friends. We've all had this, everybody. We've had an experience. We've watched a movie and it makes us think something different about the way we're going to be around our children or our parents. And it lasts for three days. And then we're back before, or we've had a business setback or a relationship breakup and we promise ourselves, if I have another chance at a relationship, I'm going to do it this way next time.

1:17:38And then we don't. And we go back into our old patterns. Patterns are incredibly powerful things in our life as you and I both know an awful lot about. But it's been a few years now for you. It seems to me that this had a real impact on you. Is it because you regularly remind yourself of the incident? Is it because I want people to create lasting change in their life. And even today, listening to you, a lot of people right now are reflecting on their perspectives, on their coping skills, on what really matters, on reducing their stress levels, on their nutrition, on the people they love, on all of these things, on laughing more and smiling through the shot, right?

1:18:18And all of those things. But this change seems to have been, I don't want to call it permanent, but it's been long lasting for you. And I hope it to be permanent. How have you done that? Was it just a massive pattern interrupt this one incident? Or is there something else you've done that you just don't allow yourself to lose that moment? Yeah, I think I was going against my grain for a really long time unknowingly. And once you're in that kind of rat race, right, you just you're in it. And so for me, when I got out of it, I was like, okay, this is a rebirth. I am making major changes to my life.

1:18:56and I want them to stick. And so I almost like, you know, when like yogis have to practice, like they have to give up their material possessions. I wanted to give everything up. I was trying to sell everything. I was trying to go real extreme. And my husband was like, no. But I knew that to hold on to it, I was going to have to really protect it carefully. And whenever I would go out and do any public speaking, people would come up to me and say like, I had this too. And then I went back to my old ways. And anytime someone said that to me, that was just another reminder. And so I also have the gift of still having a brain tumor.

1:19:33And that is my constant reminder of leading a calm life, choosing the people I want to work with, choosing the people I want to be around. and all of the weekly lessons on my show keep me grounded in that space too. And so I really held on to it because I needed it. I was suffering so much before and didn't know how to get out of it. This was my get out of jail free card. I was stuck in a dream that wasn't my dream anymore. so you know a lot of us start off in life and we have a dream and then we accomplish it and then we kind of get stuck there because then we're accomplishing and it's easy and it's easy and it's easy and it's easy but then you're just doing what's easy and no challenge no growth comes right and then imagine if you're in toxic situations where people don't want you to grow on top of it and they're holding you down or whatever and so for me i was stuck in a dream that wasn't my dream anymore.

1:20:41And I needed to reinvent and I needed to change my whole life. And for me, this new chapter has been about all of that kind of spiritual and emotional growth. And I will say, and I say all the time, if I hadn't been doing the work with Tony and those seminars, I wouldn't have been prepared for this moment because I had those tools in my belt. I had the life is happening for me, not to me. I was able to eventually apply it to my mom too. And then realize that the gifts from my mom are what I'm learning that I can impart on people. So she's like almost like my, my guinea pig, right? Like I'm experimenting on her and being like, wow, that works.

1:21:20We can apply this over here to all these people. When I look back at when I was little, I always wanted to help people. I love solutions. And, um, and, and, and I, I look at my books, everything I've written, everything I've done is always about helping people. My network after best TV, it's about helping people. And so I love helping people. So I'm able to apply those things for my mom over to everybody else. And, and it fills me. And so I, I knew that I had to hold on to it really tightly. And do I falter sometimes now, like, you know, I'm going through a challenging time and I have to keep relying on my tools and I have to keep remembering, you can't allow these situations that aren't real to take your health.

1:22:06And it can be challenging in moments, but I bounce back really fast because of all of it now. I got to tell you, I told you that today was going to be for me. You said when you were a little girl, you wanted to help people. I could tell you helped me today. And, and, uh, I know you've helped this, this, I hope everyone stayed to the end here because that idea of being stuck in a dream that's no longer your dream oh man are there millions of people including me and some of the things i do every single day still that those are old dusty dreams frankly that i'm just in because i'm good at them yeah easy for me and i get significance and recognition for staying in that dream and i might lose some if i didn't stay in it and i i think that was another one of your gems This is the End Mylon Show.