What It Takes to Make Impossible Dreams Come True

25:59And there's actually some studies that say you get more dopamine in the pursuit of a goal than you do actually when you hit it in your brain. I can, I can refute that. Okay. Give it to me. I want to, I want to hear your perspective. 16 long years, but every day I'm happy about it. And you are. Yeah. I mean, because it wasn't just me, I didn't make any of the baskets, you know, It was us as a group, and we got there. And I don't know. Maybe it's just my character or lack thereof or whatever, but I'm thrilled about it. Could that explain why you haven't won another one in 16 years? I'm just kidding.

26:34Well, we're top of the league right now, my friend. We are five or six games ahead of everybody else, but we don't want to jinx it because it's only two-thirds of the way through the season. What about that, though? So the team itself right now, I'm a huge fan, and so we've been knocking on the door. I say we and I don't have an ownership piece until this interview is over today. But but the we've been knocking on the door. I don't know. Five Western Conference finals, couple of finals. And that's frustrating. Is the joy of winning for you greater than the pain of defeat, at least as the owner?

27:05Meaning you said it's frustrating, but it looks to me like it's frustrating. But that that championship meant so much to you that, you know, you can grind through the man. We were so close. We were so close. What does that feel like? If we can get back there, it'll be super sweet. You know, John Henry once told me his second one was his favorite because you could, you know, prove the first wasn't a fluke. But Red Auerbach of the Celtics always said the first one was always the best. You know, so I'd love to have the debate. I'd love to have the chance to have the debate. I'm glad I got one is better than none.

27:36But, you know, there will never be a loss that's bad enough to make me want to leave. I actually think the loss has put the wins in perspective in a way they make them sweeter. if you're just undefeated every year, what's the fun of it? You know, I mean, I'd love to try it, but it doesn't happen. Life isn't that way. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies.

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29:53Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. The man that we're going to talk with today is a very important man to me. There are not five people on planet Earth that I would rather speak to today than this young man. And my dream list for people that would be on this podcast, he is at the very, very top of the list. Because he's a story of resiliency, faith, strength, comeback. I don't know that I've ever said this and meant it more.

30:31I am so grateful that you are here today and welcome to the show, Damar Hamlin. Good to have you here, brother. Thanks for having me. I appreciate the answer. Somebody who's going through, they're on the bottom right now, right now in their life. They're like, man, I'm down right now. Nothing's working out. My business just failed or I just broke up with my relationship or man, just nothing I've done has been clicking for years. I don't feel good about myself. I'm down. And this may sound like an interesting metaphor, but they need sort of a life version of CPR to get back up again. They need some life breathed back into them.

31:12Literally. What would you say to somebody who's just down right now and wants to make a comeback? What would you say to that person who's struggling with that right now? First thing I would say is, man, you can't, you can't conquer the world in one day. so you know just take yourself out of that big perspective and see how you can take one step and put the right foot in front of your left foot you know um something i've heard a while is you can't sit in the pool of pity you know so even when you feel that feeling of you know you want to harp on your your situation or your circumstances too much get up and move like literally i mean get up and move you know so you can get yourself out of the feeling before you get sunk too deep into it.

31:57That's the first way I would say just, you know, to deal with the emotions that come off of your situation. Don't allow yourself to sit in it, get up and move and don't think you can just know that you can't conquer the world on one day. So wherever it is you want to be, you know, you got to take it step by step one day at a time. You know, I knew that I had to take it step by step one day at a time. I couldn't worry about, you know, trying to suit up and play in the playoffs again or I would have drove myself crazy. Literally, I would have drove myself insane. I had to know that it's going to be a journey.

32:26And even through this season that I just went through, you know, people deal with ACLs and don't come back in the time period that I did or any other injuries that don't come back in the time period that I did. So I know it's going to be a journey. Even when some people return off the ACLs, they're not their same selves. That first season out their back, they need time. They need steps. They got to put the right foot in front of the left, and they got to walk the journey. They got to go through the ugly phases, you know. I feel like I just went through an ugly phase this whole season. You know what I mean?

32:54But I'm super proud of myself, you know, so go through the ugly phases. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it. That's the big that's the biggest part of it all. Focus on taking one foot in front of the right. Go through the ugly phases and just continue to try to get better one day at a time, one step at a time. And write down what you feel is necessary to accomplish what you want to get done and then follow it. Make no negotiations with yourself whenever you set the plan out. Like if you say you're going to do certain things at certain times or with certain people, make sure you do them. You know what I mean?

33:28Hold yourself to a different standard and accountability so that you can get out of your situation. You know, you can't get out of a situation doing the same things that put you into the situation. So, you know, that's that's like insanity doing the same thing and expecting different results. you know and I'm kind of I'm kind of uh you know preaching that message to you know a lot of my personal friends in my life you know who are you know they complain about certain things or they bring certain things to my attention and then you know they keep doing the same things you know I'm at the point where it's like you know you're gonna keep dealing with the same certain type of things don't even tell me because like don't don't sit up here and just waste all my time when you okay with accepting the same things I got you where you are if you want to get yourself to a different situation you got to do different things to get different results yeah that's my perspective on it that's so good i brother i'm just sitting here going you got to be kidding me it's so good you know what you are you're a great perspective giver just who you are i got to tell you today was a particularly not great morning for me and uh i was talking to my daughter and uh i said She goes, how are you doing today, Daddy?

34:39I said, I'm not having a great morning, Bella. I'm not having a good day. And then we hung up, and I was kind of just re – I've been so excited about this interview for so long. It's kind of like re-preparing a little bit. And then I literally said to myself, I just – everybody hear this for whatever you're going through. I said, really? You're not having a great day compared to what? The day DeMar had on January 2, 2023, in that moment, that's a bad day compared to me. I'm at a couple meetings not go the right way, right? and this man was in front of millions of people literally fighting for his life does does it give you a perspective brother like when you're having what was used to be a bad day you're like well not compared to like compared to what right do you ever have that thought does it give you perspective on that man every day every day to be honest you know there's no day where i can you know allow myself to get too low anymore because you know i have the appreciation of life you know so So no matter what's going on in life, just to still be here is a blessing because we all know some people who are not.

35:45And we all wish that we could have some people still with us. So no matter my situation, I'm able to allow myself to appreciate something. You know, it's hard to appreciate everything, you know, especially when, you know, for the people that are listening, especially when, you know, you're going through situations where your emotions are rising and, you know, you're feeling whatever you're feeling the most. but I'm always able to bring myself to appreciate at least one thing, no matter what it is, no matter if it's the ability to still play football, because that could have been taken away from me.

36:19No matter if it's, you know, just appreciating family, my little brother, my mom, my dad, you know, no matter if it's just, you know, appreciating a deep breath, man, or appreciating wherever I am in the world, you know, if I'm in California, if I'm at home, if I'm anywhere in the world, You know, I always bring myself to find at least one thing that I can appreciate. It shapes your perspective differently. It really does. Wow. Brother, I love you. I'm two things. I got one last question. One, I'm grateful for you. You as well. I thank you for this. This was therapy. Good. Well, me too. And millions of people.

36:58The second thing is I just as a brother, I'm proud. I'm just very proud of you. Very proud of you. You're remarkable. All right, a football question because they'll be pissed if I don't ask. So are you a free agent? No. Okay. So you're under contract. I'm with the Buffalo Bills. I'm a Buffalo Bill. Okay, because I read something today, Bills Mafia. I read something today. You know what I'm going to ask you about. They were like, hey, I wouldn't mind ending my career playing for the Steelers, right? Is that an accurate quote? Like, I just make you awkward. I asked you. I didn't push you too hard on what happened on the field.

37:33So I got to like, people want to know what's going to happen with this young man. So we know you're a Bill, but is there a little part of you eventually would love to finish up with the Steelers or you want to be a Bill for life? I want to be a Bill for life. You know, that's the team that truly took a chance on me and gave me opportunity, you know, to show what I can do. You know, I'm a late round draft pick throughout the whole entire draft. You know, I watched my name sit as the first name to best taken, you know, for like two, three rounds, you know, and I'm just like, will I ever get my opportunity?

38:08You know, I knew I had what it takes, you know, but, you know, opportunity, like preparation doesn't always meet opportunity. I was prepared, but I didn't know if the opportunity was going to come. So, you know, the Bills, when they selected me, you know, I was, I was, I felt so blessed, you know, and I didn't know anything about Buffalo. I didn't know anything about Bills Mafia at the time, but, you know, it didn't take long for me to, for them to show me exactly who they were. And, you know, for me personally, and then doing my research as well, just seeing how they treated their players, how they treat other players on other teams, you know, like donated$80 ,000 to other people's team, like to other teams, foundations.

38:51Like it was, it was just unbelievable of like the support that Bills Mafia has for the players of the Buffalo Bills. So first and foremost, I want to clear all year. I want to be a Buffalo Bill for life because that's the team that took a chance on me. When I answered that question, you know, I answered it from the perspective of, you know, a childhood perspective, you know, a kid that, you know, grew up his entire life. Like I told you, man, I had to dream for a long time. I had the dream for a long time, you know, just making it to the NFL and just being able to have an opportunity to, you know, take care of my family and give back to my community, something that I didn't have as a kid growing up, you know.

39:32So that was always my driving force. But, you know, as a kid, you know, like playing the game, I always created myself as a Steeler and I always, you know, played the game like that just as a kid. So the question they asked me, I answered it from a childhood perspective. And then I also answered it from the perspective of, no, I don't want to play for the Steelers right now because I'm a Buffalo Bill. You know what I mean? Like I'm still under contract with the Buffalo Bills. And then on top of that, and then on top of that, you know, I spent five years at the University of Pittsburgh and I shared the facility with the Steelers.

40:06That's how I built a close relationship, you know, with them. And then, so that's college, five years. and then four years of high school where we had championship games at, you know, the stadium. So, you know, I've had my fair share of time there. How I answered the question was it would more so be a dream to finish career than to be playing now. You know, and I say that I said that lightly because, you know, you see players all the time who have a career. They'll have like an eight, 10 year career with this team. And then they'll go play for this team for X amount of time. And then when they finally retire, they'll go sign that$1 contract with the team that they felt most connected to and then retire with that team.

40:58So, you know, it was it was a lightly answered question that kind of like super stirred up social media. but to be honest you know even through all the chaos of it that it caused I'm just super excited to finally see people excited to see me play football you know what I mean that was a great feeling above all the chaos it might have caused that was just a great feeling you know what I mean I dealt with so much controversy and you know like just craziness all year long just if I needed to be playing, if I was just all of a sudden just this trash player, if I just was never good at football and I'm only famous for one thing and this and that.

41:47So I went through a whole year of that and just chirping. I don't allow none of that to enter my inner matrix. But it was super exciting to see people excited to see me play football again. So it turned me up a little bit, man. And it made me go harder in the gym. It made me go harder in the gym those days because, you know, I'm excited for them to see what I've gotten to 10-2. I am as well. Take it easy on the Patriots. I'm a Patriots fan. This is one of the greatest boxers of the last two decades. And you might even argue in the history of the sport. And so, Andre Ward, thank you for being here today.

42:20Appreciate it, man. Thanks for having me. Like, I could go three hours of this. But you said that one punch. Who's hardest you've ever been hit? By who? Hey, hey. I would say, it's tough to say one guy, but I would probably say the guy with the strongest power, the two guys with the strongest power, Arthur Abraham. And I heard rumors about him. The analogy people always gave was he feels like he's got bricks in his gloves. And if you watched my first fight with him, the only fight that we had in the first round, hit me with a jab. A jab. And for those that don't know, that's a basic punch in boxing, just a straight, straight punch.

43:04Bow, he hit me, and I kind of buckled a little bit. I said, oh, boy, it's real. Everything they said was real. And that kept me on my toes and kept me on my game the whole night. And then Edison Miranda, he hit like a mule. His money punch was the right hand. That's pretty much all he had. He pawed with the jab. He had these long arms. And if he landed that right hand flush, a lot of guys went to sleep. And that was my first time facing a big puncher like that. And that's probably the worst I've ever felt after a fight, was fighting Edison Miranda. Those two guys probably had the most devastating power.

43:39So I thought you were going to say, and we'll wrap up the boxing piece here, I thought you were going to tell me Kovalev. So, I love your face when I said that. So, for those of you that don't know, so I'm a huge fan of yours, you know this, but now that we're friends, I need to tell you that before you fought him, You a little worried? I was worried for you. So I thought, this is the crusher. This dude supposedly can really hit, right? And so y 'all don't know this. He beat him twice. And but so just because those are the last couple fights, right? So just last two fights. What would you just tell me about fighting him, prepping for him, getting hit by him?

44:15Those fights, anything you would tell me about those experiences? I mean, the first fight was like, hey, it was people thought it could have gone either way. The second fight, there was obviously no question. Yeah, no, I mean, Kovalev was like, he's a real deal. He's a real deal. Anytime you got a nickname like the Crusher, you better be able to hit hard. And he has good power. He has good power. It's not what I thought it was. But he hits hard. And I think one thing that's always been overlooked in my career, you hear about people saying, oh, he's a good boxer. You know, Dre, he can do this, he can do that.

44:44But they never talk about my chin. And that's not really something I want to be known for. Because you don't want to get hit all the time. Yeah, that's not really my thing. But, like, I fought the best punchers in the game. And I've been down twice in a 32-fight career. And I fought the best. And one of those times was against Sergey Kovalev. I can't get into too much because we're, you know, we're going to be putting out the documentary soon. And we're going to detail a lot of what happened in the pre-fight for Kovalev I. But just went through a lot of different things physically for that fight.

45:16I was moving up in weight from 168 pounds to 175 pounds. But again, like you just mentioned, I'm not going up there just to fight some Rudy Pooh. I'm fighting the best guy. This guy was the real deal. Russian fighter. He was known for going into other people's hometowns and home countries and, like, taking their belts. And nobody really wanted to fight him. And here I am, a guy that's in a lower weight class who's not really considered a big puncher but has a lot of skill. And I've pretty much won everything at the lower weight class. And people are saying, man, he's going up in weight? Like, the overall consensus was the critics were saying he bit off too much.

45:54This is the guy that's finally going to get him. And my supporters were saying Dre's going out boxing. We get into the fight, and the first thing I noticed about him was just how accurate he was. Like, it wasn't necessarily that he hit hard. It was just he was just very accurate. Like, I was thinking, and he was punching. And the first round was just like, man, it was just like a blur. I remember sitting down and Verge getting on me right away said, man, stop posing. Meaning stop standing still. Like move your legs. Like warm up. Get moving. And I was just kind of like, man, I just, I don't know.

46:26I just kind of felt like I was in quicksand. Second round, he and I exchange and I'm getting ready to throw a right hand. He's getting ready to throw a right hand. His right hand gets there first. And I just see a flash. Bam. I look up. Man, I'm on the canvas. I hear the crowd going crazy. I look up, the referee's in my face, six, seven, eight, and I stand up. In those moments, we talked about pre-fight, but in that moment, that's for sure a fight-or-flight type moment. Like, whatever you got on the inside, it's going to come out. If you got turn in you, it's going to come out. If you got any kind of coward in you, it's going to come out.

47:05If you got the dog in you, that's going to come out, too. and I thank my dad for these types of moments because my dad had that dog in him and he's the type of guy that would never start anything but if you hit him he's gonna hit you back and that was probably the best thing that could have happened to me in that first fight with Covalet was for me to get knocked down because now I'm mad now I want to get that back and I'm no longer overthinking trying to be perfect like I was too busy I was incensed with trying to get that moment back from him. And I found somehow, some way, man, by the grace of God, I clawed my way back into that fight.

47:40And I really felt like from the seventh round on, I broke him. And when I say broke him, it doesn't mean that he quit. It doesn't mean that he threw in the towel. It means that he wasn't himself. I stopped him from being who he wanted to be that night. and I eked out a win. Yeah. And I won the fight by the 12th round. If I'm not mistaken, two judges gave it to me. That's correct. One judge gave it to him. One judge gave it to him. And some people were not happy about it. That's right. And some people were happy about it. And after the fight, I thought I was done. I thought I was done. I think it was a combination of just my career, like the physical toil that it took to get ready for fights and then the actual fights, and then you see the reaction from the people, and it's like, man, I just gave my all.

48:33I just beat the boogeyman. I beat the monster, and it's still not enough. And I didn't do anything for three months after that fight, and that's a no-no for me. Like, I always do something. I'll take, you know, maybe three, four weeks off, let my body heal, and then I'll start to do some run-ins, some light shadow box, and I'll get back in the gym little by little. I, like, had no desire, like, literally for three months straight. and I remember going to see my pastor, Napoleon Kaufman, former Raider running back. Really? He's your pastor? Yeah, that's my pastor. Did he go to Notre Dame or Navy?

49:05No, he went to UW, University of Washington. That's right. Okay, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From Lumpold. I remember him. Yeah. I remember going to him, and, you know, he abruptly retired after six years in the league and started at church, and he's been doing great. I said, man, pastor, I don't know, man. I said, I think I'm done, man. He said, man, why do you say that? I said, I haven't done anything in three months. I said, that's not like me. I have no desire to do this. And I thought he was going to cosign with me. Yeah. And he kind of sat there like he did. He said, you know, Jerry, I, he said, I think you'll be fine if you stop right now.

49:36He said, but I could see you doing one more. And I remember, like, I was thankful for what he told me, but at the same time, I was disappointed. I'm like, like, what? Wait a second. You're supposed to give me that extra little month to, like, give me the courage to walk away. Yeah. And he challenged me some out there. I could see you doing one more. I said, really? I said, but yeah, but I just told you I have no desire to do it. I haven't been to the gym. He said, I know, I know. He said, but once you make up your mind that you want to do the second fight, he said the fire will be rekindled. And he just sat there.

50:07And I got up and I walked out. And again, I had mixed emotions. I was like, man, I appreciate him. Man, that wasn't what I thought he was going to say. And he challenged me just to go a little bit longer, go a little bit further. And I was content, even though I knew I was going to get some heat and people were going to say, you're running from Kovalev, you lost the first fight, you're scared to fight the second fight. I knew I was going to get that, but I was over it. Drove home and talked to my wife and mulled over her for about another week. And I picked up the phone and I told my team, I said, man, get the money right.

50:42I said, we'll do the second fight. And just like that, the desire kicked back. It did come back. You trained just as rigorously for that fight as any other fight. The best training camp for that fight than I probably ever had in my whole career. I was the happiest. I just enjoyed it again. Okay. The first fight, physical issues. It was just a lot of pressure. Like, it was just a lot. It just didn't feel right. But once I got through that and got to this other side, man, I had a great camp. Man, I was happy. Yeah. I had the bounce back in my legs. My body felt good. I just mentally, like me and Verz, had planned to knock him out.

51:20That was the first thing Virg said when I went back to the gym. He said, we're going to stop him. And in my mind, I'm like, all right, how? Like, give me the how. That's the what. What's the how? He said, we're going to hit him to the body. He said, you broke him that second half of that fight. He was exhausted. He said, we're going to pick up where we left off. And the camp was just amazing. It was amazing. Amazing. Like, we had, you know, bumps and bruises, but that was the best camp emotionally that I've had in a long time. So that leads to the big question. Like, he retired. By the way, if you want to see something, it's unbelievable.

51:51So this was a dominant win, okay? I think your best fight, myself, because of who it was against, too. So you want to see an emotional clip, go to his Instagram, which we're going to promote at the very end. We're going to promote some things here in a minute that I want you all to see that are awesome that he's doing. But let me just be clear with you. You need to go watch this video. It's emotional to watch. I told him I got teary-eyed watching it alone, right? So you lost a little of your juice after the first fight. You found it. Then he retired after this fight. Okay. But like still the dominant fighter that you are, like, why not fight again?

52:24Do you know you're not going to fight again? Or is there the chance that something like that happens again and that fire gets rekindled and we see you back in the ring again? Because he walked in there and I'm like, this dude is fit. I mean, ready to go. It's been a year Friday that he decided to retire. But like, really? You know how boxers are. Like, really? Now, he saved some money. He's not your normal boxer. But be real. Like, is there a door open? I know you can't, like, is it cracked open? Is it possible? The right dude came along, called you out, whatever. Like, don't do the TV answer.

52:57Do the real answer. Like, is there a chance that you would fight again?

53:04Listen, it's not something I'm planning, you know. It's not something I'm planning. It's not something that's being mapped out. But I'm also smart enough to know that you don't know how things are going to unfold. You just don't know. So I'm always gonna keep myself in some kind of shape. Yeah, you're smirking. I'm always keep my eye on the game and just see who's who and what's going on. But I'm not planning on it. Like, the why is what we're gonna address in my upcoming documentary. Yeah. Unguarded. I always put these polls out to you guys saying, who do you want on my show? And there kept being this name come up, this beautiful name by the way, Fallon Taylor.

53:43Fallon Taylor, get her on your show. But she's probably best known for being a world barrel racing champion i'm so excited for you guys to hear this story so thank you for being here thank you so much so guys now here we go just so you know if you're driving the car you need to grip your steering wheel a little bit tighter because this is about to get really good like really hugely inspiring if you're on the treadmill at the gym you're about to go from level seven to level 10 like that and if you're watching youtube this is the part where you bring your kids in the room and you say watch this okay so so tell them what happens you're starting to make your comeback guys this is one of the most amazing stories you're going to hear so you're making your comeback and what happens well I'd like to tell you my mantra of it's gonna get rocky and I'm gonna tell you the mantra that my dad told me the whole time throughout my entire career and me being very risky was whatever you do don't end up in a hospital because you'll die in there and you know just kind of rang in my head because I was riding dangerous horses and I was doing a lot of training and then I started training around the clock because of the weather and I needed my bills paid and I'm riding, riding, riding and, um, taking chances that I shouldn't have had to take, you know, just because I was not understanding my growth and I wasn't understanding my contribution.

54:55And so I was training really late at night in August in 2009 and I'm riding this horse. That's fine. Everything's fine. We're training. Everything's normal. Um, my poor staff member was there with her boyfriend and And it was just us lonely at night, lights on in the arena, and I'm going to train this horse. And as I was taking off around the arena, this horse slipped kind of in a mud puddle. And it was not a big deal. You know, whatever. He slips, and he was feeling frisky. And you kind of know that when a horse behaves a certain way, he's feeling a little frisky. I should have known better. I should have taken more precautions.

55:29I didn't. It's what I do for a living. What's the big deal? And I start laughing. I start giggling. And this horse starts to buck. And when I say buck, you know, horses can play and buck and they can crow hop and buck. This horse did something that's like a wild instinct. So he reared up when he did. He broke all the bones on this side of my face. And when he came down to the ground, I'm still laughing. I'm like, OK, whatever. And, you know, in the cowboy industry, it's you got to be tough, you know. And so I start to pull this horse up. And as I do, he hits me in the head again. And I skull fracture in four places.

56:03Of course, I don't know this. And of course, I'm not wearing a helmet. because that's just not the cool, tough thing to do. And he begins to buck a little bit more. And I just decide that I'm going to pick a place off over here to jump off, which is a terrible idea. But I picked a place to kind of jump off. And when I did, he kicked my feet about 13 or 14 feet in the air. And I landed straight down on my head. My legs just kind of flopped over and I was unable to move. I was paralyzed right in that moment. And what a tough place to be. you know because I was in this horrible relationship and in a spot where I'm like who's gonna save me you know so all I have is my career if I get hurt I can't make a living how am I gonna take care of myself I'm in this horrible place how am I gonna get up I got to get up and so my friend came over I was strapped down to a picnic table because I was too cheap to ride in an ambulance so I get taken in a pickup truck on a on a in a pickup truck on a picnic table to the hospital and i get there and i start joking with the the staff because it's just my way and the lady in the front desk my friend went in and asked for a gurney and she said you don't need a gurney that girl's out there telling jokes quit being so dramatic so my friend that was a paramedic they take me in and they finally get me a gurney.

57:34I could have, I could have walked. I think, I think I could have, but when I got through the MRI machine and joking with the, um, the doctor that was helping me, I kept telling him, you know, Hooters closes in 15 minutes and we're really close now. Like, let's go get some food. Tell me I have a concussion. Let's get out of here. And he came back in the room. He said, you have a 2 % chance to live. And he said, it's really been touching to get to know you. But he said, the plane's running and you have 13 minute flight to think about your life and i hope that you really take that time to think about what you're going to do now because you're never going to ride horses again and i'll never forget getting i'll never i don't know why i remember the guys names they were two guys named russell that carried me to the plane and had me on this you know in the sea collar and strapped to the table and i get to someone get me some tissue please someone grab one thank you um i get to the hospital room and there's a whole nother story um in the hospital but i was told again i have two percent chance to live that i would never walk again the neurosurgeon told me i was an absolute idiot for riding horses thank you they don't stop they come down and it's over it's beautiful so i had i had a second to think and all i could think of was my dad telling me you know you're gonna die in a hospital you can't don't die in a hospital and i'm like this is crazy superstition that you're gonna die in a hospital and i wake up the next day heavily drugged obviously with a halo on i had a girlfriend in the hospital tell me they're gonna offer you two scenarios you can get the surgery with the box in your neck or you can get the halo they're going to shave your head you're going to have holes in your head she said go that way i've seen this go a bunch of different ways so when the doctor came in i started bawling and i was like i want the halo you know all i can think of is this cage on my head i want the halo at this point i've called my mom and dad and told them that i was in a fender bender because they're with their grandkids in california i'm like i'm in the fender bender everything's fine it's all fine it's gonna be fine and I've got to figure out a way to get out of this hospital so I get these nurses that come in and I say hey how can I get out of here because now I've got this real embedded childhood fear that I'm gonna die in the hospital and I've got a damn good chance at this point with the situation I'm in I could die in here so um shout out to all the amazing medical professionals because it's just my own superstition They did an amazing job.

1:00:08One came in. I said, I need to get out of here. And she laughed at me and she said, well, you know, when you can walk from one end of the hall to the other, then they'll let you out. But you're not going to do that. You've got a long time. You need to settle in. You've got about six months. You're going to be here. So the next nurse came in and she said, she laughed at me and she goes, you know, she's writing. You've got six months. You know, you just like settle in. And then the next lady came in really late on shift and she was amazing. And if I could find her, I would give her everything I've got.

1:00:38She came in and I said, how do I get out of here? I got to get out of here. I really got to get out of here. And she said, well, you walk to the end of the hall and you come back, you can get out. And I said, well, let's do that. How do we do that? She said, well, you got to get up. And the big risk is, you know, if and when you fall down, you know, you can wiggle your fingers and toes and that's good. but when you get up it's not gonna feel like you thought it was and you got all this equipment on your head you're gonna hit the ground and then you could die and I was like well they've given me terrible odds at this point so what the hell and it was just very cool this lady that moment I she has no idea what she did for me because she's just like just well you know I'm willing to try it so she takes the belt and she ties it to the ceiling and I get up and I fall down just like she said I would.

1:01:28And then she said, if you just put one foot in front of the other, you know, you can get down to the end of the hall and it could take you months, but we're going to try it. Wow. It took me about an hour and a half. And, um, I got up and down the end of the hall and I took all the people that, that didn't believe me, you know, the lady at the front desk and the nurses that came in and I said, tomorrow I'm going to deliver flowers to each and every one of you guys, because you didn't believe. And maybe I can change your mind because other people are going to come in here and they need to know they can walk.

1:01:58And so the next day I gathered up all my strength. Mom at this point knows that I've had, I've been structurally destroyed is what I was told. She got called from actually a newspaper outlet that was interviewing for rodeo publication that had leaked my medical records. So my parents found out in that way. so now I've got to do damage control and learn to walk and I told mom I said we got to go to the florist I made him a promise and so it was a really cool scene to watch all of these people that just didn't believe instead of me being angry at these people that didn't believe in my journey to just shine a light on it and show them a different way so I went and got floral arrangements for every single person that told me I couldn't do it and I walked in there and I walked to each of their offices and i i think hopefully i gave them a gift that they can always have wow you're amazing you might not believe how i'm gonna do it um but it gave me a lot of clarity too sometimes you're just not asking the right person wow you know i you wow i think uh i think everybody should just literally go back and listen to all of this again thank you you make this honestly i'm I'll tell you something.

1:03:13This is like such a blessing to be here with you. Thank you. It's a blessing to be here with you. Thank you. I'm really moved right now. Thank you. And I'm trying to not get too moved so that I can still ask you questions. It has a happy ending. I know. It's such a happy ending. But it's a, I know we're going to go to there, but it's a happy ending because of everything you just said. That there's so many things in there that we all have these people who don't believe in us and we're scared. And they're scared too. They're scared to tell me I could walk down the hall because they know I can't.

1:03:46They're scared too. And maybe that's true for so many people where you have these people in your life that are close to you that are maybe pulling you down. Maybe they're just scared for you. Maybe they're scared for them that you're going to leave them too, right? Absolutely. And everything that you have. And I just want to acknowledge you like you're freaking amazing. Thank you. Like you're amazing. and um i just now just to be clear with everybody this break was very serious very similar to christopher reeve right and i mean not all that dissimilar injury correct not it's the same injury so when you break your c2 that's what controls your head going left or right um and you have a very very very small chance of making it out on the other side with a lot of neck breaks this would be the the one that you really don't want you know to happen unbelievable I'm picturing you there I mean you tell the story so well I can actually picture you and I'm so proud of you I mean you're just you're just remarkable and everybody that just heard this I told them they were going to be moved but I didn't even know until you told it in front of me how much it would move me it puts in perspective so many things that I think are big obstacles in my life that really aren't Sure.

1:04:54And so many things that I think are a really big deal, and they're not. And that is a big deal. You wake up and wiggle your fingers and your toes tomorrow, you're going to be like, oh, okay. My gosh. Rinse takes your laundry and hand delivers it to your door, expertly cleaned and folded, so you could take the time once spent folding and sorting and waiting to finally pursue a whole new version of you. Like tea time you. Mmm. Or this tea time you. Or even this tea time you. So did you hear about Dave? Or even tea time, tea time, tea time you. Mmm. So update on Dave. It's up to you. We'll take the laundry.

1:05:32Rinse. It's time to be great. When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at goodtoknowfacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit goodtoknowfacts.org. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify.

1:06:11Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. My guest today has a new book out called The Five Practices of Highly Resilient People, Why Some Flourish When Others Fold. And that is something we really are going to need to know a lot more of during this time. So, Dr. Taryn Marie Stasekul, welcome to the show. Finally, it's great to have you here. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having me. It's such an honor, and I'm delighted to be here as your guest. Yeah. I'm curious. This is a hard one. And I hesitated to ask this, but, like, is there anything different you would tell a young you or a child?

1:06:43So if someone has a child and they're listening to this or they're a young person listening to this, or if you could go back to you at 14, anything you would share with them about life or resiliency that maybe is more appropriate or better to be known young than to figure out later in life would have saved us all a lot of time or pain or angst in life? And I know it's a difficult question because it's not really out of the book, but is there something that right when I said that came to your mind? Yeah. For me, there's kind of two questions in that question, right? There's the question about how does this work and form parenting?

1:07:17And there's also the question of like, what would I go back and tell my younger self? Right? So you just received the book today. And there's actually in the third section, there's a series of chapters on kind of specific experiences. There's a chapter on women in leadership. And there's a chapter on resilient parenting. Yes. Right. And so the one thing that I'd say about parenting and then I'll also share what I'd go back and tell like my 14 year old self. I think. One of the most powerful things and it's simple that we can do as parents is we can be the big person that we wanted to have when we were a little person.

1:08:01and you know we don't all grow up with great role models we don't all have great experiences you know but we remember we all remember what it was like to be a kid yeah and in that moment when we fell down when we were crying when we were getting into trouble when we weren't making a good decision when we needed to be heard right even if we didn't have a good role model for how our big people responded to us, we know what we would have wanted. It's so true. And so that means in any moment as a parent, to be a resilient parent and to raise resilient children, all we have to do is tap into what would I would have wanted as a little person and what can I offer now as a big person?

1:08:47And what that also does is it breaks the cycle. It breaks the cycle of negative behavior. It breaks the cycle of reactivity. It breaks a cycle of simply repeating what we saw because that's all we know. You know, many, many, many people can perpetuate a cycle. It only takes one to break it. That's right. I call that person the one. In every family, there's the one. And when you find a really happy family or a very rich family, somewhere back in their lineage, they weren't. And then the one shows up. And I think a lot of times people think when I say the one, they're like, oh, that's the warrior.

1:09:23That's the strong one. Well, yeah, you're probably going to go through things that other people didn't necessarily go through. But maybe you didn't. And maybe you just had the courage to share it. And maybe it was your vulnerability. It's not a worry or a grit thing. It's a deciding in your family that you're going to be the one. It's a deciding in your life that I'm going to change my family generationally forever. And those curses or behaviors or patterns, better said, in a family can be changed by one person. And you're 100 % right about that. Yep, 100 % right about that. So the last, chapter 12, by the way, you have resilient living rituals for a resilient life.

1:10:02And I'm into that stuff. I like rituals. I think under pressure, human beings operate back to their habits and rituals when they're put under pressure. It's just a reflexive thing to do. We operate reflexively when pressure happens. And so sometimes adversity can create pressure. And so what are some rituals for a resilient life that someone can have that we haven't covered because we've covered a lot of them? We have covered a lot of things, haven't we? Yeah. And I'll just say before I transition to rituals what I'd go back and tell my 14-year-old self. Yeah. That's okay. In case anyone was waiting for us to touch on that.

1:10:35In addition, by the way, when she said that I got the book, I got the hard copy of the book today. But the reason I know so much about the book is because I had a digital copy. But go ahead. Yes. Yeah. So I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason. And not in the like we tell someone in a hard time, like everything happens for a reason, because I think that invites people to look outside of themselves for a reason rather than to look inside of ourselves for the meaning that we want to make and how we want to answer those hard why questions. Wow. Yeah? Yeah. And so just as we talked about, you know, around loving, you know, our journey, loving ourselves and really integrating, you know, that sense of self-love for all parts, for all experiences.

1:11:25I wouldn't change anything. Right? Because that brought me to the person that I am today. That brought us to sitting right here across from each other. And I love my life and I love the person that I'm that I've become and that I am becoming. And that 14 year old girl could have used some encouragement because she was scared and she didn't know how to make sense of what was happening to her. So I would simply go back and I would say to her, it gets better. It gets better. Hang in there. That's beautiful. And you know what? if I could go back and grab the young me, I would have loved someone to have said that to me too.

1:12:08I actually, it leads to that question too about rituals because I, one of the rituals I've tried to establish in my own life is to encourage people, is to believe in people. And I feel like anybody listening to this, like if there's, when you're feeling helpless, get helpful. And one of the ways you can be helpful in people's lives is to truly believe in them and to encourage them. And it's amazing that of all the things you could have answered that you could go back to, you basically said that you wish you could go back and encourage her. And most people, if I asked you if you could go back at any point when you were a young person, you wish someone could come back and tell you it's going to get better.

1:12:48Everything's going to be okay. I believe in you. You're amazing to encourage people. So if that's the one thing you all wish you could have had more of when you were young, or you would go back and wish for yourself now, how powerful would it be to be that be the way you are with human beings right now? If it's the one, and I think if I asked a hundred people that question, 100 would give a very similar answer. I'd go back and say, everything's going to be okay. It's going to get better. You're amazing. I don't think there's a human that wouldn't answer that way, which is incredible because human beings are so diverse and so different.

1:13:21And so why not behave as that type of a person in people's lives day to day? Because I know that's what I needed when I was young. when I was so insecure and so shy and so ashamed of what was going on in my house, just like insecure and not that big of a guy and not that smart of a guy. And man, I wish I could go back and hug that little dude and go, man, you're awesome. Everything's going to be okay. It's going to get better. Right? So I just sort of decided with sincerity and truth to be that person in people's lives as often as I can be. And so I just feel like our whole world would be a whole lot better.

1:13:55Agree. If that were the case. So that is a ritual of mine. What are some of those rituals that you talk about in the book? I love that. I love that. Well, you know, I think one of the issues that I've had with other work on resilience in general, right, is that sometimes the other work that I've seen glosses over the real gritty parts of challenge, change, and complexity. You know, it's almost like, you know, you start watching a movie at the beginning, fast forward to the last five minutes and then everything's good again. Right. Right. But it's like, well, what happened in that expanse? You know, and so some of this work on resilience, I think, can feel like, well, we're all making cupcakes.

1:14:37Right. And like, look, do you want sprinkles? You know, and folks are like, yeah, this whole resilience thing doesn't really resonate with me because it's not real. It's not real. And it's really about like getting into the belly of it. And so, you know, when we are going to change something about the way that we're living our lives, I think it's helpful to ritualize that or to create a new routine or a new habit. Right. And one of the things I really tried to do with this book was to not only give the practices and to not only do the inspirational storytelling and to not only tell some stories about my own life, but to really have people walk away with a lot of practical information around, if I'm going to do one thing different, what can I do?

1:15:28Right. So I think the first ritual is people actually asking themselves, right, just me asking myself, you asking yourself, what is the highest value, one thing different I can do in my life? Biggest needle mover. Biggest needle mover. And that can be different for each person. Right. For one person, it might be, I am going to drink a full glass of water before I have breakfast or drink my coffee in the morning. It's really small. And as you know, when we continue to do the things that we say we're going to do, like you talk in your book about not giving up on yourself, right? And there's also a sense of self-abandonment there that happens when we don't keep promises to ourselves.

1:16:17Right. So learning not to abandon ourselves and to make a promise to ourselves that I'm going to do one high value, one biggest needle mover thing different. And again, the word biggest is in quotation marks. That's going to be different for different people. And then decide and stick to that and don't give up on yourself and don't abandon yourself and just stick with that thing. Right. And so some of those practices right in the book, like if we look at vulnerability, right, vulnerability can be about saying, where am I going to go deeper in my relationships? The vulnerability bias tells me if I share who I am to a greater degree, if I allow people to know me and to see me, the three L's will occur.

1:17:11People won't like me. They won't love me. And they might leave. And that is an incredible fear that blocks our vulnerability. So when we look at the vulnerability bias square in the eyes and say, you know what, that one thing that I'm going to do, I'm going to share one thing each day that feels vulnerable to me, that's going to allow people to see and know me to a greater degree. in every interview if it's a great one something stands out to me that I didn't think would when I was reading the work to get in and I just got it from you which is not to abandon yourself I've never heard that said before don't abandon yourself breaking those promises you make to yourself is abandoning yourself not being vulnerable with people is abandoning yourself not tapping into your resiliency is abandoning yourself not creating new habits and rituals that serve you is abandoning yourself.

1:18:09That is, that's a wow right there. Do you think of the three C's? Anyone is more difficult. Is change the most difficult one? Complexity, change. I'm just thinking through them. Like change is a biggie for people. I just like all three C's are major, right? That's why you call them the big three C's. But any one of them more difficult, do you think, than others? Are they all just depending on the human being difficult? Yeah, I love that question. I really believe based on my experience that it's contextually driven and that it's driven by the human. So sometimes in our lives, we might say, you know what, this would be, I would be fine with this if it just wasn't so darn complex.

1:18:51Right? Like I think about like a health diagnosis, right? It's like, okay, I got it. I've integrated, this is my diagnosis. But darn it if it's not difficult to navigate the health care system and to know what to do next and how I wait. Like that's just the complexity is the hardest part. Right. Then we think about losing someone that we love and that change of that person being here. That's a good point. Versus moving on to another place depending on what people believe about that. You know, that change is tremendously difficult. So I think it depends on the human and I think it also depends on the context.

1:19:29Tell them about Nelson really quick in the book. I want them to finish with a really example of resiliency that they can remember that maybe they're all kind of, you know, you may know this, but you may not know this. So do you mind covering that really quick? Yeah, I'd love to. And I think this really goes back to what you were also saying about your own vulnerability and continuing to be on that journey. Because I think so often, you know, we look at people that have achieved great things. And we think, well, they never had to go through what I went through. Right. You know, their path was paved.

1:20:05Their spoon was silver. Right. And then that can become a reason for why we don't persist. that can become a reason for why we don't try one more time. And I think something that's really powerful, and this is going to pertain to the story, is that success is an answer. Failure is an answer. Not trying is a lifetime of not knowing. And so when we think about the story of Nelson, right, he was the one in his family. He grew up in a rural area. His family was largely illiterate. He had sort of a standoffish relationship with his father, very close with his mother. Then she passed away unexpectedly, which left a huge hole in his heart.

1:21:01He showed a flair for education where no one else in his family had. So he continued to advance and ultimately went to university. But then he sort of fell in with this crowd, right, that wasn't much approved of. And they were about social action and they were about social change. And so he was expelled from school. And on his way back to his family's home, he got wind or he got word that his father wanted to straighten the boy out. Right. And so his father came up with, you know, I don't know how you feel about this, Ed, but, you know, I think this is really what we should be doing with children that are having difficulties as he was going to get the boy married.

1:21:42Right. Because that solves everything, doesn't it? Right. Not where I would go. Right. Right. So he finds out that he's to be married. Yeah. And he's like, ah, heck no. Right. So he doesn't go home. He goes to a neighboring town where he has no resources, no community. And he starts living on the streets and he becomes an on again, off again night watchman. You know, he's got no health insurance. You know, he he doesn't have any contacts, doesn't have any money to his name. So if we just sort of pause that story right there and I were to say like, Ed, how hopeful are you feeling about Nelson's prospects?

1:22:19Probably nobody's going to know who Nelson is. Right? Right. But we said he was the one. Yeah. We said he was the one. And what this is, is the lesser well-known story of Nelson Mandela. It's awesome. Right? And this is so powerful. Yeah. Right? Right. Because and I talk about this on my podcast, right, like flourish or fold. And it's about the well-known story or the lesser well-known stories of well-known people. Right. And I think it's I love that you asked this question because I think it's so important for us to share the behind the scenes. Right. Because otherwise we look at Nelson Mandela and we're like he persevered through prison.

1:23:00He became a global leader. He dismantled apartheid. Right. But look at what was happening in the backdrop. And in interviews, he literally points to his difficult childhood and the adversity that he faced as the things that actually formed him to be able to take on greater and greater challenge over time. And so, you know, if we think about wrapping up with this story, I think it's important. It's been important for me to remember if I speak from my experience, right, that nobody has a paved path and that behind the scenes, we never really know what's going on. Right. Most importantly was that you've created your right narrative.

1:23:45And Nelson took that story of his life and turned it into a narrative that served him. And that's why your work is so profound. I'm really glad we finished on that. It ties everything together. This has been a great conversation. conversation. We've been doing ads for Tommy John forever. They're my favorite ads to do because I'm a raving fanatic, not just a client, because that's what they have. And I want to pick his brain about that and life in general. So Tom Patterson, welcome to the show. Thanks, Ed. It's an honor. I'm so grateful to be here. But if someone was to start right now and said, hey, I think I'm going to become an entrepreneur, this is sort of an open-ended question.

1:24:17I want to become an entrepreneur, but I'm not really totally sure where to start. This thing you said earlier in the interview about solve a problem, that type of thing. Do you think everybody is an entrepreneur or do you think that that's reserved for a certain type of person? That's a great debate. I mean, I, I think I have a different answer at five year periods. I think everybody has a million dollar idea. Um, I think some people are a struggle with the discomfort and the uncertainty and being an entrepreneur is all about uncertainty. You have to be ready to move and pivot and change. And I, again, I'm going to go back to sports, like sports and being that Roomba vacuum and failing.

1:25:03And I had a coach that said to me, Tom, you're never going to increase your capacity to grow unless you fail. And if you don't fail, you're going to be an underachiever in life. So by not failing, you're not reaching your potential. And I think for me, I always got pushed and wanted to drive more, more, more. And I think seeing entrepreneurs and seeing the type of family and the type of life that they were living, it was really inspiring for me. I wanted more. I wanted to do more. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to be around different personalities. So for me, I think, it's a question, are entrepreneurs born or made?

1:25:41I think for me, it was probably born. I had lawn mowing businesses. Dude, I shoveled sidewalks and snow blowed sidewalks before basketball practice in high school. I would knock on doors and ask to do the mowing for the summer. So I always worked, and I was always curious about making, learning ways to make more money. But I would say for anybody here, I didn't have the perfect network. I didn't go to the perfect school. I didn't have the perfect connections. I didn't get the right internship. It was really people. I valet cars in Scottsdale. When I went to college, I sold cell phones at a kiosk and, you know, fashion square mall in Phoenix.

1:26:20But those people skills and interacting and understanding how to read nonverbal cues, that EQ part, I think, really prepared me to be in a position to see the signs or opportunity to start a business. And I think that there was a preparation through my childhood and through things I was involved in that allowed me to see those signs. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, but I didn't grow up in an environment of entrepreneurs. Me either. My parents weren't entrepreneurs. And you say this, middle class, I would say we were middle class, maybe at times lower or upper. But middle class is the hardest one to get out of.

1:26:56It is. And I oftentimes wonder, how did I get out or why did I get out? I wouldn't say, I don't know if I have the perfect answer for that. I don't know either in my case. I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking of listening to you. You just said some more real brilliant stuff that I want to unpack there. but like I think like my dad wasn't an entrepreneur I don't know any entrepreneurs in my family my grandfather worked in a union right my grandfather was a printer so what does this come from I I remember when I was a little boy I had I used to sell sodas at the golf course and candy bars through the fence I had that little business when I was young then I had a baseball card business then I had an auto detailing business so somehow as a little guy I was experimenting with being an entrepreneur and wanting to make money and wanting to expand and then I one thing I always had I I think you have, too.

1:27:42I've always been fascinated with growth. Yeah. And I think sports, to your point, sports gave me that competitive thing you talked about earlier. Sports gave me and you both the ability to deal with and accept failure. Almost like, of course, I'm going to strike out. I'm going to get out seven out of ten times. Of course, you're going to miss a jump shot. Right. You always miss something. Right. Of course, I'm going to drop a pass or, you know, so I think that helped. But you said something earlier, man, that I have never thought of before, which is this notion. I'll probably say it wrong, but that to be successful, you actually have to become comfortable being uncomfortable.

1:28:17But then you said the reverse. And it describes me very well. And you I'm uncomfortable being comfortable. Now, I got all the way the other way. It wasn't my problem is not being comfortable, being uncomfortable. My problem is I'm uncomfortable being comfortable or content. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's like, man, I want that to be on some speech I give because that's a really profound thing that you just said right there and super describes me. What's a hidden huge benefit? I ask hard stuff. What's a hidden huge benefit of making your dream come true most people wouldn't know about?

1:28:53Forget just the wealth or you could travel. I mean, he could live anywhere in the world. This dude lives in South Dakota. So he's not like, you know. So no offense to South Dakota. Some of my really good friends are there. Hey, I invited you. There's parts you'll like. There are parts I'd like, but I'm not going there. I can tell you right now I will not be there in January. But I will go there with you. And especially the golf place that you described. We need to go do that. Having said that, though, what's a little thing that happens, and I'll give you mine after you give me yours, that you didn't think would be cool about making your dream come true that now is?

1:29:28I think, you know, I'm still always surprised about how many people are aware of the brand. Gosh, it's so huge. Right? It still blows my mind, blows our mind that people are so familiar with it and wear it. And the types of people that we meet that are wearing it, that have not met us, that didn't know our brand values or beliefs and just found the product, it's connected. One, it creates a lot of fun conversations, which we've had of just the underwear category by nature. But it's got us in a lot of rooms that I would have only dreamt of being in. and it's one thing to get in the room, but it's another thing to stay in the room.

1:30:06And I think there's, Jim talked about this where we were, like everybody in this room fought to get in this room, right? Jim Rome. Yeah, Jim Rome. There's this mutual respect for some of the rooms because a lot of people don't understand what it took or the sacrifices that were made to get in there. And it's like, man, it's not lonely. There's other people that have been here, right? And I think when you're running a business, it's really lonely. There's not a plan. There's not a playbook. and for me, that's been one of the most exciting things to meet, honestly, like you, meeting your heroes, meeting people that have impacted you in so many ways, and just not it being awkward.

1:30:46My grandpa taught me, he's like, treat everybody the same, whether it's the front desk receptionist, the janitor, they're all people at the end of the day, and I think for me, one of the gifts I've realized I have is I'm not intimidated by people, but I have a lot of respect for people, and people are like, how is you get that, get to this level that you're at? I'm like, I've never been scared to ask questions. I've never been scared to send Kevin Hart some product and talk to him on the phone. At the end of the day, there are real people that wanted to be, be treated just like anybody else. Right.

1:31:17Nothing makes you more uncomfortable than being treated like, like you're this fanning out. And I think being around people and just getting to know them who they are behind closed doors. Um, there's been, I think one of the really cool, exciting things about building a business, but it wasn't the intent. That's just, I think, a side surprise benefit of it. By the way, I think you're right about that. And the thing is, is that I think what everybody, I want everyone to hear, and the reason I asked you the question is, there's lots of side benefits, to use your term, to making your dream come true that you can't imagine right now.

1:31:49And there will be lots of things. There'll be an experience or a moment. Or I think for me, it's all the stuff I didn't calculate as I was doing it. Because I think when you have a dream, You kind of picture you in the dream. But for me, it was when I got to the other side of it and live it now. It's all the things I never dreamt of doing for other people or moments I could be there for somebody when they need me that I didn't calculate that. And if you would have told me back then, the reason I want everyone to hear this is if you would have told me back then that you'd be able to do this, that or the other thing for another person, I'd have worked even harder.

1:32:22I'd have taken more hits. I'd have gone through more pain if I knew that the dream wasn't just about me, but it's about all these other people, these lives you can affect and you can impact in small and big ways. If I'd have known all that was going to come with the package of winning, I'd have gone forward even harder and faster. I'd have gone bigger. I'd have done more. So I want everyone to know this. There's more that comes with making a dream come true than you can even possibly imagine. And as good as you think it's going to be, in many ways, it's a thousand million times better, but maybe not even in the way.

1:32:53Like having lots of money. It's cool, right? But it's probably, I don't think it's quite as cool as I thought it was going to. Not being broke is super cool, right? But being super rich, I don't, it's not quite as cool as I thought it would be. But other parts that come with it are for me. Is that the same for you? Yeah, I think once you've been poor and struggled, you want to do everything possible not to be there again. Yeah. Right. But I think you brought up a good point. and it's something I want to talk to you a lot more about after this is, you know, this success, the significance transition that you've made, right?

1:33:26Had you made that earlier, right? And I think as you go on, how do you make sure you're impacting others? And I think they always say the people that you can help, you probably said this, the people you can help the most are the ones who are walking through the path that you walk through. And I think if there's one person I can reach today or 10 people, or you can send this to someone that has a story that resonates with what we're talking about, that's really what people want to hear. And I think anybody that's listening, that's the beauty about podcasts and YouTube today. They're like these master classes and like blinkist cliff notes on the stories.

1:33:59Yes. And I think a lot of people get caught up. I read this one. I heard this one. I listened to this one, but they're not taking any action. And the hardest part is people know what to do. The hardest part, I think I keep seeing is just getting started. Yeah. You know, well, they did it this way. Like, let's talk about that for a second. Cause you're right. Like, if I could figure that out, we'd have way more millionaires, way better marriages, way more parents raising wonderful kids, whatever it might be in life. Way more people creating cures for diseases. What is that thing that got, like, you just started.

1:34:34Like, if we go all the way back to the beginning, I'm thinking to myself, this dude has no fashion background. He's walking around selling these medical devices. All of a sudden, he wakes up and goes, I think we should have better undergarments. Like, what the? And then you go to the fashion district, and I know where that place is. That's not the most comfortable place to go. You make a couple freaking shirts with the Donald Duck thing on there, and now you're sitting in my studio with a brand that everyone that's listening to my show has heard of before. There's got to be a part of this. On the spinning earth, your existence on 2008, the dude you were, flash forward 15 years later, bam.

1:35:12It's got to be unbelievable to you. But you did get started, right? Do you think it's because you were naive and you didn't know how hard it was going to be? What do you think it was that got you started that holds other people back? Is it they want to be perfect? Like, what is it? I just didn't want to play it safe. You know, I wanted to play it big and go big or go home. And for me, I wanted to take a big swing and see if I could do it, right? I like getting out of my comfort zone and doing uncomfortable things. So I think when we started, that was really the mindset really to do it. But I don't know.

1:35:48I think everybody's different. I think this uncertainty or how it's going to be perceived or I don't want to live a life and downsize and go from two cars to one car. But if you're not comparing yourself to the others, the keeping up with the Joneses mentality, I don't know anybody that's made it that didn't struggle, that didn't go through the tough times. and there are very, I think, more exceptions than aren't. So I think for us, that was really just the mindset that we had. One of the things that I think is the most important things as it relates to winning, and it's one of the things that you can decide you're going to do without any natural giftedness, because it's the number one talent you must develop in order to win.

1:36:30And it's not talked about on social media. You're not going to get it in a personal development tape and a peak performance program, self-help and any of it. Remember this, the best ability is availability. Did you hear that? The best ability is availability, that you are available to win. Not enough people understand that this is an actual skill and talent. Most people in business or in life, whether it be relationships or the financial part of their life, they're always looking for these little tips and skills that you should develop. How to communicate better, how to be a better listener, how to suppress your ego, how to influence people, how to transfer energy, all these things that I teach, how to deal with failure.

1:37:07But I believe the greatest talent that you can draw a line through all the people who have won, not all the people that went in business or life are unbelievable transfers of energy. Not all of them can close. Not all of them can persuade. Not all of them are great listeners. Not all of them even dealt well with adversity. They did that the majority of the time. But all of them have in common, they develop the talent. And yes, it is a talent. It is a skill of not quitting. I don't think most of you right now that are struggling in your business life right now giving yourself enough credit for this incredible talent you're developing, which is resiliency, which is the ability not to quit.

1:37:42Listen to what I'm telling you. If somebody has built multiple different companies, I've coached some of the top athletes, entertainers, business people, and politicians in the world. And I'm telling you that even in my own team, when I hire people, I look for resiliency. And a notch above that is the talent, is the skill of not quitting as the number one thing that I look for. And many of you right now listening to this possess the number one skill necessary to win and don't give yourself any credit for it, which means it's not helping build your confidence. It's not going to the bank of crediting for your identity.

1:38:14And so although you possess this incredible ability that so many people in the world don't have and don't possess, you have it and you don't value it. You don't prize it. You don't give yourself credit for having it. It ought to be where you draw the majority of your confidence from. The ability to say, I don't quit. I'm resilient. I own the number one skill, the number one talent required to eventually win. I already have. I can't quit. You'd have to kill me to get me out of chasing my dream, right? So number one, I want to point it out as the number one gift. The best ability is availability.

1:38:47Do you have it? Have you decided to have it? Is it something you're going to possess the rest of your life. And those of you that do have it already, I need you to take an inventory, be aware of it, and be intentional with crediting yourself as you're listening to this or watching it today into the bank of your self-confidence, into the bank, into the deposits you make in your identity, because it has everything to do with winning. Every guest you've seen on my show, all the people that I've coached, all have different talent, skills, and abilities. What's the one they all have, the ability to stay present, the ability to stay in the fight, to have not quit.

1:39:22You'd think, well, that's not a big deal. Really? Because as I've been talking, millions of people made the decision to quit on their dream, just as I've been talking to you. The rest of the day, millions more will. Tomorrow, millions more. Every day, literally, millions of people quit on one of their dreams, their dream relationship, their dream business, their dream body. So quitting has become the number one habit in the world by people that end up losing and I'm telling you what happens every day every second everywhere just the fact that while I've been speaking you're still after your dream you're ahead of them you don't give yourself enough credit because eventually what I found it looks like winnings this huge competition but every day every week, every year, every decade as time goes by, you're going to find that you're competing with a smaller and smaller and smaller group of people for your dream because so many of them will just quit.

1:40:12And by the way, many of them that quit will possess talents, maybe even gifts you don't have. They're incredible ability with people. They're incredible strength. They're incredible brain. And they'll quit with all this giftedness. But you got the talent. You have to learn to distinguish between something that is a talent and a gift. You can develop skills. You can develop talents. Gifts are something you're born with, but the people that I see that win long term are the ones who develop the talents and skills required to win. Business and life's a lot like a pinata. I was at a barbecue, a birthday party for a five-year-old a while back, and they did a pinata.

1:40:46Have you seen the pinata before? And it's an unbelievable metaphor for life. In fact, we ought to call today that life is like a pinata, because it really is. If you look at these kids at these parties, any of you that have ever been to a pinata, you can picture They got the pinata up there. And what do they do? It's just like in business and life when you start something new, a new relationship, a new body, a new pursuit, a new business, right? What do they do? They take this little five-year-old and they blindfold him. They blindfold this little guy, right? And he can't see. He doesn't know where he's going.

1:41:14And then they spin him around. He gets completely disoriented, right? And then they hand him a bat. It's scary when you watch it, don't you? Picture these little kids, right? You blindfold them. They spin him around. They become disoriented. Does that sound familiar to any of you that are trying to build a business right now? You're completely disoriented. You're blind. You don't know where to go. They spin this little guy around. They hand him a bat and they go, hit the pinata. And the pinata is over to the right and they're swinging to the left. They're just whiffing, right? They're not even in the right direction.

1:41:40And then finally, what do you do? You grab the little guy or the little girl and you turn them and you have them face the pinata. They were completely disoriented. In fact, they were doing more damage to the people around them in the beginning with that darn bat you gave them because they're so disoriented. A lot of damage was done before they even faced the actual pinata. They've been blindfolded and spun around, right? They're completely disoriented. Doesn't that sound familiar? It's just like building your new business. It's just like trying to transform your body. It might be just like this brand new relationship you've got.

1:42:10And in fact, the people around them are in danger in the beginning when you give these little guys this bat. Maybe that sounds familiar. Maybe right now you're at this stage in your business or you've been there before where there's been more damage done than there's been progress. You know what I'm talking about? The people around you have been more hurt by your new venture than benefited from it. Your relationship with them is not as good. Maybe financially you've hurt them or feel like you have. There's been a lot of damage. But what do we do with these little guys? We eventually take the little girl or the little boy and we point them in the right direction at the pinata.

1:42:40That's when you find Ed Milet's podcast. You find his teachings. You find his YouTube channel or someone like me and I can point you in the right direction. And then what do these guys do? They take the bat and they're hitting the pinata as hard as they can. and they're hitting it and they're hitting it and they're hitting it and no candy comes out and they get tired don't they and they just they can't go anymore so what do you do you get help and you add a teammate you add a friend you take the blindfold off of you and you get a little help that help could be a new recruit in your business a new employee a new vendor it might be a new mentor and we put the blindfold on them we spin them around and then they're disoriented they're swinging and they're not even hitting the pinata yet they're they're hurting the people around them Then what do we do?

1:43:20We take them. We point them in the right direction. Now they're following my show or great teachings. And they hit the pinata as hard as they can. No candy comes out. You take another child, new teammate, new recruit in life, right? But in the pinata, there's another child. You put a blindfold, spin them around, and they hit the pinata. And they're hitting it as hard as they can. And it feels like no progress is being made. No candy's coming out, right? And eventually they're hitting it and hitting it, and they get tired. And you think, man, how often do they hit this pinata? What happens is sometimes the first few kids who hit the pinata, they kind of disappear from the party and start playing somewhere else.

1:43:54Maybe you've had that experience in your business. Some of the people you start with, they may not finish before the candy comes out. They may not be there. May not be there to celebrate. Some of the initial people disappear, and that could cause you to want to quit. But eventually what happens with that pinata, even though these kids are hitting the pinata and they're teaming up, they're all working together to try to make this candy come out, It doesn't look like it, but each shot on that pinata is putting them closer to the candy. Even though it doesn't seem like it, even though you can't see the candy, every blow is like a compound pounding effect.

1:44:27That pounding compounded by multiple people eventually can create a breakthrough. But what most people do is they leave the party before the candy comes out. That's true in business. Most people quit before the candy comes out. They don't stick around long enough. They got spun around. They get disoriented. They might hurt the people around. They get pointed in the right direction. They think they're making progress. Then they don't. They think they're making progress. Then they don't. And eventually, because no candy's coming out, no money, no changed body, no amazing relationship, they stop swinging the bat at the pinata.

1:45:01But if you stick around for the party long enough, you know what always happens with a pinata? Eventually someone hits it and bam, the candy comes out everywhere and everyone celebrates and gets all the candy and dives on it and celebrates. Here's what I'm here to remind you of today. You got to stick around long enough for the candy to come out. You got to wait for the candy to come out of that pinata called your life, called your business, called your body, called your relationships. The vast majority of people in life don't stick around for the candy because they think as they're hitting the pinata of their life, they don't think they're making progress.

1:45:35It doesn't feel like progress. But I'm telling you the number one ability is availability. And if you keep swinging away every day, even though it doesn't feel like it, you are getting closer to the candy. You're getting closer. It just doesn't feel like it. You know what I had? I had the ability to keep hitting the pinata in my life, to stick around long enough. And by the way, when you eventually win, it's not just you that gets all the candy, that gets all the victory, that gets all the money. Lots of people around you, many of which who you were hurting originally with that bat, many of them who were trying to talk you out of it, they get to celebrate in the candy too.

1:46:13My prayer for you is that you begin to think about this analogy, the pinata of your life, the pinata of your business, the pinata of your body. As you're swinging away, I'm here to tell you, even though it doesn't feel like it, you're getting closer to the candy. And if you can add more people to celebrate, it's okay that you feel disoriented. It's okay that it feels blinding and you don't know exactly what direction to go, just like these precious babies with the pinata. It's okay that you miss it once in a while. It's okay that you get tired once in a while. But as long as you keep after it and you keep pounding away that compound effort of your pounding, I can promise you there's candy someday.

1:46:50And everybody around you will jump on it and celebrate. That's my wish for you today as you listen to me. Of all the skills I'm gonna teach you, that I've taught you, and if you've not listened to my other shows, I teach you about listening, Transfer energy, how to close, how to change your identity, how to live blissfully dissatisfied, how to unlock your success code. All of the very detailed things I teach today is the most important thing. Is that as you learn all these skills, it'll help you with the blindness. Every single skill you learn, you'll see clearer and clearer and clearer. But if you don't develop the talent, the number one skill in the world, which is to keep hitting the pinata and to stick around until the candy comes out.

1:47:30because here's the deal. Someone's going to get the candy in life. There's always candy in life. That pinata eventually always breaks down. Do you want to be the person who was there in the beginning, hitting as hard as you could and sacrifice it and maybe hurting the people around you and never get the candy? Or are you going to get something for your pain? Are you going to get something for your effort? Are you going to get something for this sacrifice you're making? You've got to get something for this pain. You've got to stick in the game until the candy comes out and then we all get to celebrate.

1:47:59That's what I want you focused on today. I promise you there's a pinata in your life and right now many of you feel blind and disoriented, maybe even hurting the people around you. Some of you are past that phase and you're hitting your thing hard every day but there's no candy yet. I promise you there's gonna be a payoff for you and that's my message for you today. This is the Ed Mylon Show.