What Nobody Told You About Losing Drive

0:28So, Hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive. $10 ,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

0:53So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed.

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1:49This is The Admirate Show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So honored again, as I do every single month, I have my dear friend, Brendan Brouchard. These are some of our most downloaded podcasts. When you guys get to hear, he and I kind of go back and forth on topics you guys suggest we talk about. This week is one that I'm so glad. Actually, Brendan suggested this of all the submissions. This would be the one we cover this week. And so here's what we're going to talk about this week. I think you're going to love it. If you've lost your fighting spirit or, for lack of a better term, your competitive spirit, your drive, We're going to talk today about why maybe you've lost that little bit and how to get it back, how to access it, how to tap into it again.

2:28That competitive fighting spirit, that drive, that thing that moves you, that gets you up in the morning, that gets you after it in your life. Talk about why you lost it and how to get it back this week with someone that's just he's just my favorite dude to do this with, which is Brendan Burchard. So welcome back to the show, brother. Thank you, brother. I'm so excited about this, especially as I propose this to you. I was excited because you actually work with real fighters and you also work with people who, you know, everybody who struggles with that moment of why don't I want it as much anymore?

2:59Or why don't I want to fight? Or why I used to want to get promoted, earn more, reach out more, do more things. And all of a sudden I feel like pessimistic. I feel like I'm lost. I feel like I just I don't want to be in the hunt anymore. And people don't know when they lose that drive what's happening. and you know sometimes we call that fighting spirit uh and i think it's so relevant because everyone knows you're so good at actually working with athletes on this as well that i thought the metaphors would be profound for all of us well you know i gotta tell you the first thing i think of when i do that is like you know the hardest people to work with in in fighting or in any sport are uh world champions they're the hardest because it's it's one thing to and this is just true of life so your championship could be you got married your championship could be you got promoted at work and then what or you got a certain amount of savings and then what so it's metaphorical in terms of most people's lives but in with fighters it's it's a literal championship right and one of the difficult things about it is they are competing like crazy to get to that championship belt and almost with every single one of them once they're there a little bit of that edge is lost It's rare to repeat as a champion.

4:14In fact, in the UFC, the heavyweight division, I'll get this wrong. I am wrong about this number, but I'm not off by much. I think the maximum repeat heavyweight champion in the UFC ever is like four or five repeat championships, meaning they held the title four or five fights. It usually switches hands right now. John Jones is that guy. But prior to him, I was like the belt would change hands with every two or three fights because guys couldn't repeat. and I think they lose that edge because they got somewhere and I think one of the reasons is is that you know you dreamed of getting to a place all of your life and then whether you get there or not there's two types of people there's the people that get there okay they win their metaphorical championship and then they're like I never really thought to look forward from here right and or maybe it wasn't everything I thought it would be I thought I'd arrive I thought everything would be perfect.

5:06I thought I'd have no more problems anymore. And so there's this, like, I don't think it's, it's what it, what I was cracked up to be. And then there's this large group of people that I think lose their drive, bro, over this. I think there are literally millions of people right now going, you know, I thought I'd be further ahead by now. I thought I'd be happier. I thought I'd have more money. I thought I'd have a better relationship. I thought I'd be promoted further. I thought I'd have already started my business. I thought I have already written the book and to me oftentimes comparison is the thief of joy but you've talked a lot of times about why comparing is actually an okay thing too but what is unhealthy is to compare yourself to a previous time in your life or a place you thought you would be and i think a lot of people that get to the championship level like i thought it would be better than this right and the people that don't care get there they haven't made the promotion they haven't made the money they thought they're not as well known as they'd like to be they go i thought i'd be further ahead by now.

6:02Both of these thoughts don't serve us. Do you see that with people that you coach that they're just sort of, they're telling themselves a story that doesn't serve their next level of drive. Maybe I'm off on that, but that's one of the things I've experienced in coaching people. Yeah. I love, I want to listen to that like five more times because you really tapped into that. And there is a big difference between people, as you said, who are like world champions and those who might be just starting. And that level of drive is different. You know, at the beginning, you're, you're just fighting to survive.

6:38Like it's literally just survival. You're just, you're just fighting to survive. Then in the middle, you're kind of fighting to dominate. Like you, you just kind of want to win and usually want to win over somebody. And then at the top, now you, you've already done that. You've already dominating. And now you're fighting yourself and you're fighting maybe what you mentioned, sometimes disappointment because you got there and it's not what you thought, or you got there and your PRs aren't going up as high as they used to in the middle. You had a lot of progress at the beginning. You had a lot of progress in the middle, but now, you know, it's farther in between even world champions often, you know, in, in, in different sports, they might be competing, you know, on a different rhythm.

7:29They might be in a place where, uh, you know, they're not experiencing those really quick fights because now they're getting paid while the fights are further out as an example, or maybe they're that, you know, the, the, the team that gets the buy because of the wins. And so you don't feel like you're in it as much, but I think that the thing I learned about the world champion versus the beginner and when i say world champion i want everyone to recognize ed works with way more world champions than i do i i work with high performers across lots of industries but ed's another level when it comes to sports and athleticism because i mean look at him versus me okay so yes we could do when when i do work at that level and especially with the high performers like the CEO, like, let's talk about those guys.

8:20The big thing that I see, Ed, that knocks them out of that fighting spirit, that knocks them out of that competitive edge is that they've never learned to try to measure up against themselves. It's a mind warp. You spend your whole life trying to measure up against the kids in school, get better grades in them. You try to measure up against your sister, your brother, your mother. You try to measure up to your parents or your professor's expectations. You try to measure up in that first hiring class against the other people who got the job. You try to measure up against your peers to get promoted above them.

8:59Or you try to measure up against this fighter, against this person in golf, against this person in chess. And then when you get to the top and you look around and you know you've out-measured them, you've out-performed them, now the only measurement is the one you give yourself and it short circuits people they're just like they don't know how people don't know how to measure up against themselves against their future potential they use other people as the barometer and it's interesting because we know in happiness studies using other people as the barometer makes you miserable compares comparing yourself to other people can make you very unhappy, except in competition where it's required to be attenuated to the skill gap to get better.

9:50But then when your skill is extreme, you're the number one, you're the top, you're the CEO and no one's, you don't have to measure up against them. Now you're measuring up against yourself. People freak out. They shut down. They get disappointed. They get self-judgmental. The criticism goes up. They feel lost. They don't have a singular aim anymore. They are successful. So now not only are they more self-critical because they don't know how to measure up for themselves, but now they don't even have a frame of reference. So now they start doing 50 other things at the same time. Now they're distracted, disappointed, and a little bit like frazzled because I don't know how to measure anything anymore.

10:28I don't know if that makes sense for you. Oh, big time. I think the difference is when you're starting or you're new and you're climbing, you're playing to win. So not only are you competing against these other people, you're also playing to win. For most people, this is why I admire you so much. Once they get a little bit of success, whether they win that championship belt or they make$100 ,000 a year or now they've got some money saved or they bought out, then they start to play a little bit not to lose. and there's no way to go through your life playing not to lose to be in protection mode you can't be great trying to protect the lead there's the there's so many sports teams that have blown leads trying to protect your lead and a lot of you and to some extent you're just not as hungry as you were because you're trying to protect the lead a little bit that's part of it the other part of it is you're exactly right at some point if you're going to be great you have to accept you're competing against your own capacity, not that of other people.

11:23And so that's the little game. The little game is I'm going to beat Dan. I'm going to beat Sparky. I'm going to beat Sarah. I'm going to beat them. And that's a healthy thing. But I was reading an article today about LeBron James. There's this great debate. Who's the greatest basketball player ever? I'm a huge Michael Jordan fan. I don't even think it's close, but I have a lot of admiration for LeBron James. Well, last year, Luka Doncic got traded to the Lakers. He's one of the greatest players in basketball right now is a shocking trade. And one of the reasons the team that traded him say they traded him was he didn't train very hard.

11:55He comes in out of shape. He gets hurt a lot. He's overweight. Now, this is a great player, probably a better player than LeBron James currently is because LeBron's 40 years old, but LeBron's still a great player. And so Doncic at some point got to the NBA and became a great player by trying to beat everybody else. Then when he became one of the top players, he didn't know what to do with himself. And I just read an article today. They They're interviewing Luka Doncic, who's evidently already dropped like 30 pounds since the offseason started. And they're like, what's it like to play with LeBron James?

12:25Listen to what he said, Brennan. Now, LeBron James is arguably the greatest player ever or the second greatest player. Whatever your list is, he's in the top 10, right? 40 years old. He's a billionaire, a billionaire with a B, very wealthy man. One of the most well-known people in the world, won a bunch of NBA championships, is the all-time leading scorer in the history of the league. and Doncic says, the first day I get there, LeBron James got to the game 10 hours before the game. He goes, I've never seen anything this like in my life. I've been in the NBA all these years. This guy's at the games 10 hours before the game.

13:00He goes, he said, when I got to the game, LeBron was done with his workout and then was doing his mental prep for the game. At some point, LeBron James stopped trying to beat the second best player in the league and he set his own standard. He's competing against his own capacity. That's why he's a historic all-time great. You want to get your drive back, start looking at what your capacity is. You know why you've lost some of your competitive drive? You don't even remember why you were doing it in the first place. And if you can tap back into why and say, listen, I'm competing against, like, why do I still work?

13:34People ask me that all the time. I'm 54 years old. It is currently, as we're recording this, 8.22 in the evening, my time. I started the day at 6 a.m. with my first meeting, why am I still doing this? I'm not competing against some other entrepreneur or some other influencer. I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. I'm fascinated to see who I can become in the process of challenging myself. So for me, it's more about the challenge of who I'm becoming, the man I'm capable of becoming, the insights I'll have, what I'll learn, how I'll expand my being as I continue to chase. And I think you have to have something to chase.

14:12I think I think we're born to hunt. I do in life. I think you have something you're after. But like, let's look at you. Same thing. Extraordinarily. You're extraordinarily wealthy, man. You're very well known. You've got rich friendships. You're back from a dream trip with a bunch of buddy of yours. You have all. Why are you? You have massive drive. You're building multiple companies. Growth day right now is exploding, right? Like you've been involved in other exits already. Like, why have you not lost your competitive edge or have you before and had to get it back? I think I lost it early in my life in such a great way.

14:49I know your audience knows a lot of people listening. No, I had a car accident. I was a young kid. Yes. And I lost. I was in martial arts when I was a young kid. And then I got in the wrong relationship, ran with the wrong crew, started doubting myself, became depressed, suicidal, lost all of it. And I had this car accident that hit me hard enough in the head to make me realize how life is extremely short, like extremely short. And in that time, I had my first spiritual experience of kind of feeling like God gave me a second chance. And I felt like when I got that second chance, oh, I'm going to earn the second chance.

15:27You know, I've talked a lot about this and you give an amazing talk on this. I know people have seen it. it's like when you when you when you feel like life is a blessing you want to do what ed's talking about you want to see yourself manifest and become into the fullest powers that you have you want to unlock you want to live this life and to me it's just about this idea that not only is life a blessing but that you've actually been given way bigger powers than you're aware of push them follow that ascendant path in life of those challenges because see the drive it will go away mentally unless you make sure you set up the path to have challenges i tell people all the time ed if the only challenges you face in your life right now currently are the challenges that life through at you, then you are not yet living a conscious life.

16:24You are living a reactive life, but the conscious life would be the life that you set up that upgrade. You set up that next level. You set up that challenge. And what happens for a lot of people is you get affluent, as you get more comfortable, as you get in rhythm with the kids or the family or whatever, you kind of forget to set up challenges anymore in sport challenges are set up for you that's the bracket right the bracket like literally the system is set up for your challenges that's the bracket in life you'd better set up some type of step stair system that the circumstance or the challenge will keep lifting you up otherwise you'll start playing the game of going through the motions that's when you know you're about to lose your edge when you go you know last couple years i've just been going through the motions you'd better get in your personal development you better set up some challenges the second you know you've just been going through the motions it's almost too easy it's your job to set up that next challenge and so that's what made the difference for me was one appreciating life and realizing it's short yeah realizing i've been given like potentials I'd never manifested, but also realizing, hey, kid, you're the only person who's going to set up this system in life to challenge yourself.

17:51Everyone else let me coast right into suicidal ideation, Ed. Wow. They all did. Most people don't care about us. And it's scary to say that to the humans, but very few people are ever in your life going to care about your growth. Very few people. I think God makes that call. I think you might be blessed. I'm blessed. I watch Ed. I learn from Ed and I'm like, man, that dude, he calls, you know, Ed gets me going. To have friendships that keep you challenged and aspiring is so important because I really believe most people don't care about your growth. And it's awful to say that. It's awful to say that.

18:35I wish it wasn't true, but I surrounded myself with people who really care about growth. And I know that's one reason Ed and I are such close friends. Like, we're still in the game. We're still in the hunt. We still want to push. We want to see what we can do. And that's a difference maker. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket.

19:11Visit Progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

19:26When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at whatsapp.com. I'm going to share a story with everybody and with you. I think you know this story maybe, but there's motivational people. These are people that play to your motive. Say if you do this, you're going to get a carrot.

20:01You're going to get an award. You're going to get a trophy. You're going to get a this. Motivation is very good, and it's an awesome thing. You and I are both motivational-type people. The next level is inspirational. Inspirational, they tap into something a little deeper. They tap into your spirit. Inspiration is to be in spirit. I know you know this. But then you've got to have people around you that are aspirational, and these are the people you aspire to be more like in a particular area. And one of the roles you play in my life is you motivate me, but you inspire me more often. Like when I see you making the effort you make or performing on stage or our private conversations and how you've checked in on me, you know, during difficult times, the way you care for your mom.

20:47You inspire me. How hard you work on yourself. But you are a level beyond that. And I have other people, too. Not a lot. You're right. Very few that are aspirational in particular areas of their life. I want to be more like them. I can't help with me tapping into my competitive spirit when that takes place, my drive and my ambition, because it's infectious. It's contagious. If the people around you aren't inspired, aren't motivated, you're going to catch it. It's contagious. It's a disease you'll catch. If they are inspirational, if they are motivational, and if you have a few that are aspirational, you will also catch that.

21:23That's contagious. And I'll give you an example. I think there's here's the truth to get to move in your life. There's really two things that move us. And, you know, this to gain pleasure or avoid pain now that you could call it tap into the light side or your dream or tap into what Tim Grover calls the dark side. And I'm going to prove you wrong. You said I can't do this. Both are good. I don't think tapping into the dark side all the time is a very healthy thing. Always trying to prove people wrong. Always coming from a place of prove it. But I do think it's great leverage. And I'll give you an example of it.

21:58I have been in relatively good shape almost all of my adult life after age 30. I wasn't before. And people think, is that because you want to be strong or fast or have presence or whatever? Is there some, you know, material reason you do it? I'm sure there is. ego reason. I'm sure there's a little bit. Here's the reason. My uncle died when he was 48 years old and I was at his funeral and I just had this premonition that I should get my heart checked. I was very young still. I was late twenties. And, um, so on the way back, I saw on a flight, there was literally this heart scan, new scan. They're common now.

22:38They're CT scans for plaque in your arteries. And I said, uh, I'm going to go get the scan done. So I went and got the scan And the doctor, I think I'm here today, saved my life because he understood tapping into avoiding pain. It's a healthy thing. Listen to this, Brendan. You do the scan and then you go away for an hour or two. You come back and they give you, they tell you what's in the scan. That's how they used to do it. So I did the scan. I literally, I'm not kidding you. I left there. I went and had a burrito at lunch. This is no joke. And I come back in. There's three people in the lobby.

23:06This doctor was brilliant. What do most doctors do? Hey, here's your scan. Here's the medication. Thanks for coming in. Great. and I would have gone on with my life. He knew I got to get leverage on this dude. He needs to change quick. I'm going to tap into the dark side, right? And the light side to some extent. So he walks into the lobby room and then he looks at the chart and he goes, I'm looking for Edward Milet. And he knew my last name was Milet. And he looks up from his glasses. There's three of us. There's two women and me in the room. I'm clearly the Edward in the room, right? But he's already doing that to me.

23:37And he goes, I go, that's me, sir. I'm Ed Milet. and he goes watch this first thing he does he goes wow and he looks down at the chart and he looks at me and he looks at the chart and i said sir he says i can't believe these arteries are in that young a body he goes follow me and we walked in silence back into this little office and we sit down and he watched this he goes hey ed are you married i said yes sir he said okay he said Kids I said yeah I got a little boy girl in a way He says that's awesome He goes let me ask you a question Do you want to be at your daughter's wedding And walk her down the aisle Or are you okay if that's another man He hasn't opened the file yet I said what sir He goes and your son like do you want to Be there when he graduates high school And be the father that hugs him Or will that be another man Because he goes by the way that same man Will probably be living in that mansion I hear you have With that beautiful wife of yours too And he goes because the road you're heading down, some other man is walking your daughter down the aisle on her wedding day, just so you know.

24:47You won't be there. And I said, what's in there? And he goes, I want you to listen to me very closely, son. If you don't do what I'm going to tell you to do, another man's going to be in that house of yours with your family, and he's going to walk your daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. The one thing you don't do is tell a dad that, right? And he says, but if you do what I tell you in here, I believe we can get you to that day. Now, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Then he gave me the prescription. That's how you get leverage. That's actually how you sell also. But I have to tell you something.

25:16Here we are 30 years later. And when I'm on the road and it's, I get in at two 30 cause flights are delayed and I got to be up at six and I go, I'm not going to gym in the morning. You know what happens? Bella's wedding. Bella's wedding day. Like today had to get up her extra early. Bella's wedding. What's got me in the gym. And the reason I've stayed pretty fit all my life is that day and Bella's wedding. When I want to eat really bad, I've eaten bad in my life, but when I'm doing that, man, it's Bella's wedding. And so it has stuck with me. It's burned into me. Just like Tom Brady, who was a six round draft pick.

25:51He had won four Superbowls. Didn't matter. He was a six round draft pick, five Superbowls, six Superbowls, seven Superbowls. He wore that chip on his shoulder. That's leveraging the dark side. If you've lost your edge, you either need to do something to gain pleasure in the dream and the vision or you need to tap into that pain that you want to avoid. And the greatest pain you could give me in my life would be not there for my little girl's wedding day. I'm going to be there. I know where it's going to be. I don't know who it's going to be with, but I know I'm going to be there and I want to be the guy on her arm.

26:22Nobody else. That's why I've gotten in the gym. So guess what? I don't have to have motivation. I don't have to have motivation, right? I've got a big reason and I will never forget that reason. I think if you've lost your edge, you forgot your reasons or you need new ones. What, give me an example with you where it's the light or the dark side, the pain or the pleasure. And if you even agree with that. Yeah, I think that, whew, that story, um, you know, I feel like you've told me that maybe backstage or somewhere and, uh, it shuts me down, like, because I think of how hard I see you as a friend work and it gets to me really emotionally because uh i know how true that is for you and how you do care for yourself because your family and you do care for yourself because you want to help people and you know so in one way you're avoiding this catastrophic thought and in another you're also like, you know, I want to be fit and capable and able to not only be with my family, but to serve the world the way that you do, because it takes a tremendous amount of energy to do what you do.

27:42And I think a lot of people, when they think about pain and pleasure, you know, we're, we're, we're doing things for one of those reasons. I just like, I like to pull those into like energy and it's like, Oh, you're doing things for energy, whether how you tap in that energy, where it comes from, whether it's a push or it's a pull or it's a call up, there's some kind of energetic thing that you are accessing or activating for something that is important in your life. And the most important thing is what Ed is talking about is those reasons. And I'm just calling it, what is important? What is really important?