Why Being Misunderstood Is Part of Building Something Great

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1:49This is The Ed Milard Show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So excited that you've chosen to spend another week with me here. And thank you again. We just picked the number one show in the world in our categories because so many of you share the episodes every single week. And so I'm grateful to that. So let's talk about you this week. So listen, my friend, you're going to have to start to be more okay with being misunderstood. See, if you're going to do anything great in your life, just get ready. You're going to be controversial. You're going to have people not understand you.

2:18And one of the things that holds so many people back is them not being okay with people not understanding them. I know it affected me deeply for many, many years. I can't even tell you that it doesn't affect me at all anymore. But this idea that you're going to do something great with your life, which is what you want to do. That's why you're listening to me today. And that you're not going to have a bunch of people misunderstand you, frankly take shots at you. And you're going to be controversial. Anytime you try to change your stage in life, change your circumstances, just get ready. Here comes all the misunderstanding.

2:52Here comes all the criticism. Here comes all of the people who don't understand what's going on with you. And remember this saying, the only difference between steam and ice is the state of vibration. And why do I say that to you up front? Because when you start to get criticism, it's either going to change this ice where it gets colder and colder, or it's going to turn to steam because you heat up. you've got to use the criticism you're getting and the fact that you're misunderstood. And oftentimes being misunderstood by the people closest to you as fuel, as steam that heats you up to get after it, to maybe prove them wrong, or at least prove you right.

3:32Or if anything in your life is to just say, you will not steal my dream. More people lose their dream to what I call dream stealers than any other thing. It's not failure. It's not setbacks. It's not adversity. It's dream stealers It's the people around you who still think small who are trying to get you to conform to their thinking. They're trying to project onto you Their small worldview They're settling because your progress makes them very uncomfortable Because if you get too good or you do too well, they're gonna have to take a look at themselves And they don't ultimately want to do that They also love you in many cases and that's what makes it so hard, isn't it?

4:14When this criticism, this controversy, this misunderstanding, it could literally be the person you sleep next to every night. They just don't understand. Why are you changing? Why are you growing? Why isn't what we have good enough? Why can't you just be happy? And I always say this to people. It's not that I'm unhappy. It's that I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. I don't want to live every year the same way. If God's going to give me another year, I want it to be a new and increasing and better year than the previous one. there's going to have to be a part of you at some point my brother or sister that you just need to accept you're a little different this life of changing your life and increasing things and creating something and doing something great it ain't for everybody and it's for you or you wouldn't have this dream in your heart but someone around you is going to try to steal your dream over and over and over again you know when i first started in business i'm not going to say who it was because he's no longer here.

5:15And when it was not my dad, by the way, I should just be very clear of that. But I had a family member who was incredibly hard on me, both privately and then in front of my face. Hey, you make your first million yet? Hey, you make every Thanksgiving. Hey, you make your first million yet? Over and over. I knew he was making fun of me. I knew he was, and by the way, he knew me since I was a little boy. So he knew all my weird stuff. You know what I mean? Like it's someone close to you. Oh, look at this little guy. He's trying to be, you know, you know what happens. And it almost got me. He convinced me.

5:46I was ashamed almost that I had a dream. I was almost embarrassed oftentimes when he would be around that I had the audacity to think somehow I was going to do something in my life. He immediately had the ability to pull me back to who I probably believed I really was at that time. These dream stealers have an ability to pull you back to the lowest possible version of yourself that you struggle with trying not to believe anymore. He would literally validate my greatest weaknesses and fears about myself. And it would literally feel like a actual punch in the stomach. I was not only down, but I almost felt embarrassed and ashamed that I was even trying.

6:33And I have to tell you that he almost got me many times. And by the way, he wasn't the only one. But I can also tell you when I made it, it was so sweet because I remember that final Thanksgiving. We're around and it was getting quiet and people were eating. So Eddie, did you make your first million yet? And I remember getting kind of quiet and letting everybody settle. And I said, actually, I have. But you know what? I've been wanting to ask you for like six years while you've been wearing me out. Have you? Have you this whole time you've been criticizing me and you're twice as old as I am Have you ever made your first million yet?

7:14And it got real quiet And I gotta tell you something That ain't the reason to make it to prove people wrong, but it feels damn good when you do And so you're gonna have to accept that everything is going to be hard before it gets easy In fact, my one of my favorite chinese proverbs says exactly that it says everything must be hard before it can be easy Proverbs 4 23 tells us above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it i got to tell you something you're gonna have to protect your heart you have to guard your beliefs remember this success is going to be harder than you think it is there's going to be more criticism and haters and you're going to be more controversial and more misunderstood than you think and it's probably going to take longer than you think and with all of that being said i can tell you it's more worth it than you think.

8:02To do something great with your life, to say, man, I did it. I overcame it is one of the greatest feelings you'll ever have in your life. And I can tell you why I think that is. Because once you do win, I think you'll reach the conclusion that you didn't do it alone and that God was with you the entire time. If anything's been a confirmation of my faith, to some extent, it's been the dark times that God's helped me get through. When people ask me on the show, so give me all the keys to your success. Every week I come on here and I give you key after key after key after key. And having said all of that, there are a ton of times where it's a blur to me.

8:36And all I can conclude is that I was so down that I stayed faithful. I stayed working hard. And that in those moments, God just picked me up and carried me for a while. And then I'd wake up again. He'd put me back down in a little bit better place. So of all the things I tell you, keys, this communication, that mindset, this think that, do this routine, all of those things, it would never have been done without God and his favor and his blessing, his comfort, his supernatural understanding in my life.

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10:12The other thing that's really hard to do, but you almost can do and you need to do, is to actually pray for those that criticize you. Pray for them. Pray for them because they think so small and they are so down on themselves that they've decided to take shots at you. And I know that sometimes it's the person that lays next to you and they aren't trying to take shots at you. They're legitimately worried about you. You know, one thing I discovered when you're in a relationship with somebody, and I'm not talking about your, it could be your friends as well. But one of the reasons that they're trying to pull you back is A, you're making them look at themselves.

10:49So they're going to project their small thoughts, small thinking onto you because it makes them uncomfortable about themselves. But here's the other thing. To some extent, deep, deep, deep down, they think you're leaving them. That as you begin to leave this former version of you and you grow and change, that you're going to leave them. And their greatest fear is that that's going to happen as your significant other or as your friend. She's going to leave. She's going to leave. She's going to become so successful and change so much that she's not going to want me anymore Or he's not going to want me anymore That could be your friends or that could be your significant other And so know that that's actually in my opinion the place that it comes from most of the time is fear Anytime someone's acting out angry or mean it's usually coming from fear And so you got to ask yourself.

11:38What are they really afraid of at the real root? If we get to the real bottom of it, what is this critic afraid of they're either afraid that your light shining bright is going to somehow shine on them and people are going to notice the shadow that they're living in, the small place they're living in, or they're afraid you're leaving. And so if you can begin to pray for them almost, it'll flip the script. Luke 6 verse 28 says, Jesus says to bless those who curse you, pray for those who hurt you. And that's not an easy thing to do, but I recommend you do it and you got to be ready for it. In fact, if you don't have any critics right now, if you're not controversial at all, if you don't have any haters, if you don't have anybody putting you down or trying to pull you back or wondering what the heck's going on with you as you change, you're probably not doing anything great in your life.

12:25In fact, it's one of the leading indicators. You're doing something. You're doing something right. You got some critics. You're controversial. I could tell you this. And by the way, it doesn't end. Then once you make it, they'll have other critics. Oh, you've changed. It doesn't end. So at some point you have to decide you're okay with being misunderstood. You can't constantly be, for me, there's one rule in my life. When someone's wondering what I'm doing, I'll explain it to you once. And then after that, it's not my job. You don't understand. You do get one grace. You get one blessing. You get one explanation, but I'm not doing this over and over and over again with you.

12:58It takes your energy. It's toxic. It distracts you to do something great with your life requires laser obsessive focus. And if you've got to deal with this other person not understanding you, you got to give it to them once. And after that, and I tell them that, listen, I totally understand. It's a fair question. Let me explain this to you, but I want you to listen close because I'm only doing this one time. And let me say this to you also. If this controversial thing takes you off your dream, you were going to lose anyway. Because imagine the real rejection when you actually lose the account, when something doesn't go well, when an absolute disaster takes place, when a crisis happens over and over and over again, the first time you get slammed to the ground on your dream or the 18th time, if a critic or being controversial or being misunderstood takes you off your dream, come on, something else is going to get you anyway.

13:52So toughen up. And people ask me often, well, what if that person's the closest person to you? I need their support. You do? You lack so much motivation that you need theirs? I mean, think that one through for a second. It's just sort of this vogue thing to say, how do I get my significant other to support me more? Well, a lot of times the answer to that is win. You got to go win. There's the truth of human beings. They may not share your vision. They may not get it. You may not have their support. And if you need it, you were probably going to lose anyway. Winning is difficult. The difference between winning and losing is so small, it's almost too scary to talk about.

14:31It's so small. It's millimeters. It's one move one way or the other. Winning and losing is tough. And so if not having support is going to get you, what are you going to do when a disaster takes place? Winning at the highest level, you got to be mentally tough, resilient, built for this stuff. And if a critic or a setback or not being understood. That's going to get you really, but you want to be a millionaire or, but you want to change the world or you want to change your family tree forever. You got to get a big enough vision that it drowns out the noise of this dumb, dumb who's criticizing you.

15:08Doesn't even get it right. And then you got to last, you know, if you go after something for a year, you might lose, you know, people underestimate what they can do on the longterm and they overestimate what they can do in the short term. You take a 10-year, let's say you just started a business or you're on a fitness journey or a faith journey. But let's just take the business for a second. You decide, hey, I'm going at 10 years. You understand at the end of one year, if 100 people started at the same time as you, 70 of them, 75 have already quit. After three years, 90, 95 of them have quit. After eight, nine years, one or two of you are left out of 100 people.

15:49just lasting long term and sticking around long enough gives you a chance of winning you'd be amazed at how many people eventually give in because it just gets tougher and tougher so eventually the price tag gets too high for most people and they'll sell out their dream now by the way they won't call it selling out their dream they'll come up with a story that softens the blow well it wasn't for me or this guy screwed me over or this happened or my partner wasn't ethical or of blah, blah, blah. They'll come up with some story as to why they quit on their dream. But someone who really wants it bad, who's going to win, none of that stuff gets them off their dream.

16:28So there's no story you could tell because at the end of it, it's just like, okay, whatever you just said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you quit on your dream. And if you're listening to this today and you go, yeah, you know what? I did quit on my dream. Well, that doesn't have to be permanent. You could use today's episode as a wake-up call and go, you know what? He's right. I need to toughen up. You know what? It's not going to be worth it. Hey, what makes it worth it is how hard it is. What makes it worth it is proving that person wrong. What makes it worth it is you overcame and you grew and you pivoted and you evolved and you innovated and you lasted.

17:02It wasn't going to work if it wasn't 10 years anyways, right? This idea of social media day and age, everything's fast and this, and I made this and everyone's 23 and in the Caribbean, That's not how life works. It's a long grind and it's totally worth it because it's not about where you get. It's about who you become in the process of getting there. And when you quit, you'll never meet that person. The hard part of quitting is not just that you lost your dream. That's bad. Worse is you're never going to meet the man or woman you could have been had you pursued it. Because I can tell you the house, the car, the jet, all of that.

17:36It's not what you think it will be, but you need to go get it because it's still pretty good. But it's not what you think it'll be But what is even way better than you think it will be It's who you become in the process of getting there and being proud of you And I could tell you the things you'd be most proud of is the fact that you lasted is the fact that you got up after you quit Is the fact you go, you know what? I did quit but i'm getting back I'm getting back up. I lasted i'm tough. I'm resilient. I'm mentally tough. I innovated. I pivoted I improved I grew I fought I clawed I competed I won that's way better than you think it is it's way better that that uh beach house you think you want it ain't the house it's sitting in the backyard going man remember that when I almost quit remember that time I was down for a while remember when that person said this remember when that controversy man that one would have knocked anybody I remember that person stole from me when when that person did this to me Just so you know, everything you think probably bad will happen, probably will and worse.

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19:28You. As a friend, let me say something that happens once we start to get a little bit ahead in life. In the beginning, it's going to be friends and family that misunderstand you. But once you make some progress, you can begin to misunderstand you. Once you get a little bit down the road, you're like, well, wait a minute. This isn't me. This isn't what it was cracked up to be. I don't know that I like. And what happens is you begin to question you. You do. It's very natural. When you're changing and growing and becoming somebody you're unfamiliar with, it's very natural to not understand this person you're becoming.

20:03One of the most important things I've ever said on the show that, and I put it in the middle of this episode, I hope that you share this. But one of the mind games that happens is you actually make progress. Once you do is you misunderstanding you because you're unfamiliar with this new person and this person who's growing and changing. They're not a finished product yet. So there may actually be some things about you that you like less for a while. Sometimes you have to be so laser focused and mentally tough for windows of time that it even scares you or you do go am I am I too far down this road and Leaving the other one And so this new person you become is so unfamiliar to you That our natural tendency is to want to go back to being the person we were before Or to shrink our dream Smaller because that one's easier to get and we could see that one now But this bigger one or the one that keeps getting bigger, we don't understand it.

21:02We don't understand us. This person we're becoming, we're not familiar with. And so you may for a while become somebody you don't like for a short term. And that's just because you're not familiar with them or that time requires parts of your personality, parts of you that it won't require once you get there. there's a relentlessness that comes with being successful a mental toughness almost a shell you put around yourself to some extent that is unfamiliar for most of us that are not that way right now and so i do want to tell you as a friend no one's probably ever said this on any episode there's a part of the journey that costs most people is not the other people who misunderstand them but it's yourself because you've actually started to turn into this person you weren't before and that person's like any adolescent becoming a new person there's rough edges around them and you got to give that person some grace and know that there's no way you're going to make your dream come true until you evolve to be the ultimate version of you anyway but that evolution can be awkward think about any teenager you know that goes from being this kind sweet young person and as they grow into adolescence they change they're rough around the edges they experiment they make mistakes there's parts of them that are developing and then hopefully eventually they land on becoming a person that you and they are proud of as you grow in business i'm not talking about doing anything unethical what i'm saying is that there's parts of you that weren't there before that have to develop for you to win and we come when those things develop if you're not familiar with that person and you're not it can feel like it's not you and our tendency is to want to go back to who we used to be you'll always keep your character you'll always be ethical you'll always make the right decisions.

22:46I'm not talking about those things. I'm saying elements of you evolve. And some of those elements are only short term to get you through that stage of your life. Accept that. Give yourself grace knowing that you're becoming the ultimate version of you. Really important thing that I just told you. You may be the one who misunderstands you once you overcome the people closest to you misunderstanding you. There's so many things on your journeys to success that are going to try to get you to go back or to shrink or to conform or to settle down or to just kind of settle or slow down. And I want you to know that that's part of growth.

23:21You're going to have parts of you that you weren't knowing before that you're now meeting for the first time. That person was always there. You're just tapping into them now. And so please don't give in or succumb to the idea of shrinking to please other people. Shrinking so that you're comfortable with yourself. Shrinking you or your dream doesn't serve the world. You were born to do something great, whatever that means to you in your life. This is the real stuff today, everybody. Like this is the real, real, you know, the last thing I'll tell you is you got to last. I told this story in one of my books, but about two weeks ago, we got invited to a six-year-old's birthday party and it got rained out.

23:58So we didn't get a chance to go, but it made me think about one that we had went to many, many years ago. And I've shared this in my book, but I want to share it with you now. It's kind of the final story today. This birthday party, they had a pinata for the kids. and the little boy whose birthday party it was, I'll never forget this, they blindfolded him and spun him around. I mean, if you've ever been to a pinata party and they gave him this bat and he just starts swinging into the air, you know, missing everything. And to some extent, that's such a great analogy for what it's like to start out and pursuing your vision and your dream.

24:29You kind of learn a little bit, but you're blindfolded. They give you the baton. You just start swinging and you're not even close to the target, right? That's kind of like the beginning journey. And so finally, the dad grabbed him and pointed him right at the pinata, and he hit this pinata just over and over and over. And he was getting tired and discouraged because no candy came out. And eventually quit, took his blindfold off and ran over to the swing set. And then they grabbed another little guy, and they put the blindfold on him, gave him the baton, spun him around. He's swinging, missing everything.

25:02Then they lined him up, and he hit the pinata for a long time, and no candy came out. and he lost his patience and his, you know, tolerance for it. And he left. Then they gave it to this little girl and she hit it. So anyway, they went through all the kids, about seven kids, all of them hitting this pinata and all of them quit. And then the last little boy, the smallest boy there, the little brother, they gave him the baton and the blindfold. And he went up and hit the baton, one swing and not even a very powerful swing. And the pinata broke and all the candy came out and all the kids came running from all over the playground and they're all jumping on and getting the candy and celebrating little Jacob had broken open the pinata with one shot let me ask you a question was it Jacob's shot that broke open that pinata or was it the cumulative shots from everybody throughout the entire pinata experience You know the answer.

26:03It was the cumulative shots of hitting that pinata over and over again. Jacob just made the final shot. What was happening was progress was being made breaking down that pinata, but you couldn't see it. It was invisible progress. Nobody could see it. It didn't look like anything was happening. Shot after shot, swing after swing, people getting tired, people quitting, people getting discouraged, all these little kids. But what they didn't know is each one of those shots, even though they couldn't see it was breaking down the pinata And they were getting one step closer to all of the candy But they all quit and that's what happens for most people in life that 10 years people hit the pinata hit the pinata hit the pinata And eventually because they don't see progress quit Not knowing they were making invisible progress.

26:52There's something called compound pounding When you hit something over and over again and pursue it over and over and over again, you are breaking it down It's compounding of the pounding you're making. It's breaking it down over time, even though you can't see visual evidence of it And so that's how your dream will be as well Most people will quit before the candy comes out of their dream before all the money comes out all of the dreams All the emotions all the relationships all of the pride They will quit because they don't see progress on the pinata of their life and many of them quit one swing away.

27:28And so my challenge to you is to last. When everybody quits over those 10 years, they're not understood, then they don't understand themselves, is that you keep swinging because you're making more progress than you think. It may not be visible. You may not see it. Everybody around you may not see it. But every single swing is compound pounding, getting you closer to your dream and your vision of your life. And most human beings, the sad part of their life is they quit before the candy comes out and they're often quit much closer to the candy than they think they are. My challenge to you is keep swinging away so that your loved ones, your family, even the ones who don't understand you can celebrate when all the candy comes out and you can be there for your family and make their dreams come true as well, even though they didn't get it in the beginning.