X-Factor For Success

0:04This is the Ed Milet Show. So I get asked all the time, how in the world did you go from having no running water in your apartment to living on the water, to living oceanfront, to have another home that's lakefront? How does somebody go from changing their conditions that dramatically in a pretty short window of time? And a lot of different things went into that. A lot of it was blessing, a lot of it was a lot of hard work, all kinds of mental changes that I made. But there's one area that I've not talked a lot about that I want to cover today that I think you need to know if you want to change the conditions of your life that way as well.

0:36So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me, but what was around my life. And the fact of the matter was I did not have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, That lack of standard got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill.

1:10I didn't even have a car. Never mind electricity for a while. And so it's very dangerous. It was very dangerous for me for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking, who I had around me. They weren't bad people. There's very few bad people. They just weren't people who were going to get me going in my life where I knew I needed to go, where I was born to go. I had read all the books on personal development. I learned about influence, kind of learned how to change my state, how to think differently. been to a lot of the events that you go to why is it that so many people go to all these self improvement personal development business events they get all excited when they're there they're ready to conquer the world then they get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal and that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives that's why and so the reason you're so excited when you're at the event the reason you're ready to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing and so i had to start to address my environment and environment is the place you are, but most importantly, your environment is the people that are around you.

2:08Because write this down, number one, in our lives, the most powerful force that I'm aware of in the world is to be consistent and congruent with the expectations of our peer group. Let me say that to you again. The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group. You're gonna get out of life what the people around you expect of you. And so I had to begin to address who were the people around me, and specifically what was the environment that I was in? Because number two, proximity is power. The closer somebody is to you, the more influence they have over you.

2:40That's why your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated at all given times. And people ask me, how do I get more spouse support or partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend support? I don't know that you're always going to get more support and I don't even know that that's needed. But one thing that's a foundation of all relationships is, does this person believe in me? Most people love us. That's one thing. If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life?

3:13Not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us. We say, I want people to accept me as I am. And there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of you, there's nothing compelling you to go to the next version. There's no stimulus that says, I better change. There's no discomfort because these people closest to us, their proximity has influence over us. So number one thing I want you to ask yourself is do the people around me believe in me? And if they don't, that needs to be evaluated.

3:44People say, well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them? Well, maybe in some case, I mean, if they're antagonistic to you, certainly, but what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe in you or who will believe in you. And if they don't believe in you, perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life, but one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you. Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be. I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people from my life, but very few. This is so critical to you becoming successful because your environmental game is more important even than your mental game because it's what supports it.

4:20And so I want you to evaluate a few things. Do they believe in me? Number two, are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words, when you're around them. What do you find yourself talking the most about? Is it the past or the future? I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the present, but most importantly, the future. In other words, I want people who are present with me so that when they're with me, we're together. You know, you have those friends who are constantly not present, even though they're in your presence. We don't want that either. But if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference, old stories, old things, remember when, high school, college, previous date, previous vacation, previous business, remember when constantly, you know, they're just always reminiscing or are they projecting me into the future?

5:06If at least 75 % of your conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around, these are not people supporting your future. They're supporting your past. They're reinforcing your past. The more we talk about something, the more we reinforce its importance in our life. And so this is a very subtle thing. And I think even as I say it, you're going, whoa, they do love me. I think they might believe in me, but man, we talk about the past all the time. Well, this is somebody who's going to reinforce that state of your life. You need to add people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you.

5:39You know, you've heard about triggers before where you can learn in personal development that, you know, you snap your fingers, you put yourself in a state. Or you walk, you hear a song, it's a trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from some point in your life, it triggers a memory. Or a song you love right now, it triggers you wanting to work out or move your body. So things are triggers. People are also triggers. And if there are people in your life just by their proximity trigger Events that are prior in your life that didn't serve you just by being around them. They're they're a trigger humans are triggers Do you have people that just when you see them they trigger peace for you?

6:12They trigger joy. They trigger abundance They trigger competing they trigger intensity. They trigger belief. They trigger confidence They trigger your desire to grow ask yourself what triggers these people are in your life What do they trigger in you and you begin to you start to look at these things you go wow Well, this group of friends who they accept me, but I don't know if they believe in me Then I've got this other group of friends where they believe in me, but we're always talking about the past And then you know what they kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me Who do I have that's triggering my desire to grow who makes me uncomfortable?

6:48Who do I have like I kind of clean up the house before they come over who do I have where I get excited when I see him because not every conversation is the same. I don't know where it's going to go. You should have those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an important thing. But you should have these other people who really don't accept this version of you. They believe in you so greatly, so much that they don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this performance from you. They don't accept this level of happiness, abundance, joy, performance from you because they know how much more you're capable of.

7:19Who do you have like that in your life? And the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because, and I want you to write this down, we get our standards in life. We don't always get our goals. We don't always even get what we focus on. We end up ultimately getting what our standards are. Standards dictate everything in life. And the people around us help create that standard. For example, I was at a birthday party last night, and the people sitting around me were all very fit people. And dessert came. It was birthday cake time. and I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake but the first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their life and when their cheat days are their cheat meals are and all three people passed on it and immediately almost through peer pressure I went no I'll pass too and then my buddy goes dude it's okay have a piece and I said no no man it's good that standard alters us in every little area now that's an obvious example but we're going to get our standards our standards of wealth our standards of faith our standards of abundance and the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in their life.

8:25So the people around you evaluate next. What are the standards they help you set in your life? The other thing we win with is energy. And so ask yourself this, is this person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer? This is massive. So when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your phone and you're like, oh, Ugh, ugh, right? You know that conversation, that text, is gonna be an energy drain. This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're helping, because we're gonna talk about that next.

9:02But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy drainers, what do you think that's doing to your environment that you're supporting yourself with, okay? Or, on the contrary, is this someone who gives you energy, feeds your energy, feeds your belief, makes you stronger, gives you that juice in your life. Because all of these things, these people around us, all these evaluations, they're creating our environment so that it'll support our thinking. It'll support the changes we're making. It'll support our goals. This is supported by scripture as well. Proverbs 27, 17, as iron sharpens iron, so does one person sharpen another.

9:36And so one of the obvious questions about this is if someone is lower energy for me, or is a past reference person or a trigger that doesn't support me or they don't believe in me or they only accept me as I am. If you have some of these issues, what do you do with them? I'll give you three things. I don't think you just eliminate people from your lives. It's not that hardcore a thing because this is more about adding the right people than it is eliminating people, but it is reducing their proximity. And so I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you want to, number one, I would recommend you be kind to them.

10:07Be kind in your conversations with them. You don't have to become mean to them or adversarial to them. And I don't even think you need to let them know this. Number two, I think you need to be cordial. But I will tell you that you begin to become three, which is concise. Your dialogue with them begins to be concise. Their proximity to you begins to shrink. And these are things people say, gosh, that's so difficult. Well, do you want to be happier? Do you want to win? I mean, you've already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals down. You're already working on yourself.

10:33You already got some habits that you're working on. Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is the area. Those of you that have children, this is an audio or video they should be watching or listening to. Their school teachers influence them, that's their mentors, that's like what we're doing right now, right? But who really has influence over your children? Who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends and it's their closest friends. That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly, the good parents do, because they know the proximity of these kids around their children are going to influence ultimately who they become.

11:02Our lives begin to have a pace that's different than when we're young. But the same exact thing is true for us. These people closest to us dictate who we become. It's not our mentors like our school teachers. They have some influence. I have influence, hopefully, with you, but not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done listening to this. Not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight. Not the same as who you have lunch, who you're around at work, who you're around in the evening, who you socialize with, right? They have the greatest form of influence over you. Because in your life, you're trying to build this library of memories, aren't you?

11:33And in your mind right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings with the same people, with the same people, with the same people, you are likely to build the same types of memories over and over again. So if you love your life right now, if everything in your life is rich and you don't want it to change and you don't want it to grow and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well then by all means keep these people very close to you and add people as you go.

12:08But if there's this party that's I want to change the memories. I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see, moments I have. So all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in your environment and the things around you. And what do you have around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment, but the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment that are around you.

12:39And so that's how you eliminate. Now, adding people to your life, the best way to do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. So, I mean, where do they have lunch? Where do they have coffee? Where do they work out? Where do they worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to become good friends and just become a part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy. It's work to add people to your life. I could tell you that I work very hard at this. I also believe in the law of reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody to be your friend.

13:08You find a way that you can contribute. You want to become a friend of mine, say, how can I help you? How can I serve you? Just offer whatever you have. You say, well, I don't have anything to offer people. You'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people. Not all of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track record. You'd be surprised, someone like myself, what just your belief means to me, your support means to me. And I'm the type of person, the people you want in your life, when I feel like you've given me something, I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more.

13:45And so the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations. Maybe it is your connections. Maybe it is a talent or skill you have, but it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful than me, much more well-known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sensed this person truly believes in me. They truly care about me. This is a real friend.

14:13You have those people in your life as well, where they don't necessarily have all the experience to support you, but they really believe in you. They really love you. And then the last thing I want to ask you today is, because for you to add these people to your life, what I just said is the most important thing. How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? Right now, are you that person that's an energy giver or drainer? Are you a future frame of reference or the past? Do you help your friends set high standards or the acceptable standards they already have, right?

14:43Are you someone who deeply believes in people and they know it, or you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you begin to ask you of. How are you showing up in other people's lives? Because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things, your environment slowly but surely will begin to support your mental game, will be supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with your life.

15:13You were put here to do something special all your life. Since you were a little boy or a little girl, there was some point in your life where you knew you were supposed to do something great, that you were put here for a reason, that you've got a calling, that you've got a home in your life you're eventually going to find where you're living the real, true, authentic version of you, your best version. You know you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now, if you're listening to this or you're watching this, maybe you're not quite there yet. And maybe it's your thinking.

15:41Maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits, which I cover all the time on this show. Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely it's the environmental stuff. It's the standards It's the people around you that believe in you It's not just having people that accept you because you want to do something so great with your life I have this theory that many of you heard that when I die someday I believe I want the lord to say well done good and faithful servant But I have this hallucination as many of you know that when I die the lord's going to do that And he's going to turn around and say eddie I want you to meet the man I made you to be when I made you in my image and likeness.

16:13This is the destiny version of you This is the man you were born to be and that guy's gonna be standing there and I want to meet him and go I've been chasing you all my life man, and he's gonna say boy. You caught me. You did it I'm proud of you You had all the memories all the moments all the contribution all the feelings all the difference all of in your life You made it all happen you became the man you were born to be We're identical twins to me. That's heaven when I pass away heaven as I meet the man and I was born to be and we're identical twins. Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers.

16:46You're total strangers. That woman someday when you die and you meet the woman you could have been and you're total strangers. You went down different paths, different roads, different decisions your entire life and you never become that woman. You never become that man. To me, that's hell. So if it's that important to you that you've always known and maybe it got buried as you got older, maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it. And then maybe our parents, our friends, our school teachers, just life started to happen and we forget who we are.

17:14We forget who we are. And you know why you forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life. Because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were really little, you knew it, you felt it because you were closer to God at that time. And the more and more people were added to your life, they began to treat you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of you. and maybe you've started to accept that. So if it's people that created these limiting beliefs, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this thing about us where we forget our greatness, if it's people who did this to us, it's people who are going to help us get out of it.

17:48If it's the environment that stole this joy, stole this belief, stole this confidence from us, stole this sense of purpose from us and passion, it's the environment that will give it back to us again. And we put the people in our lives that we deserve to have, not just that have always been there. I hope this helped you today. God bless you. Max out. This is The Ed Milad Show.