943: What My Husband Sees That the Internet Never Will

0:28We felt like, all right, school's in session. I've learned that success isn't just about what you do, it's about how you live. Here, you'll get strategies that work, systems that give you your time back, and steps that turn your effort into results and impact. If you're ready for clarity, confidence, and a business that feels as good as it looks, you're in the right place. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. There are some conversations you have just because you need content, and then there are conversations you have because you want to remember. This is the second kind. My sweet husband, Drew, has not been on the show in literal years.

1:10And honestly, a lot of people have been asking me about him, which fair because he's not in my content much anymore. And let me tell you, that's completely intentional. I mean, the man has been on a journey lately. He even deleted Instagram entirely. It's just not where we want to live. And trust me, he's really not missing much, I still show them all the cute puppy content. But here's the thing behind every big dream, every launch, every episode, every pivot, every season, every late night and early morning, there's been this guy. Quietly steady, annoyingly calm, perfectly clean, and always in my corner.

1:48And I don't think you've gotten to see that side of our life in a long time. So today I'm pulling back the curtain and I've got some really intentional questions that will let you into who are real lives these days, not just the version you see on the internet. We're going to laugh. We're going to get a little emotional. We're definitely going to talk about therapy and hopefully create something our girls can listen to someday and know exactly who their mom and dad were in this stage of life. So consider this a time capsule for you, for them, for us, and let's have some fun. Welcome back to the show, babe.

2:21Ooh, I'm excited for this one. You got me back, babe. Here I am. It's actually been a few years since you've been on the microphone. I actually just got a DM recently from somebody asking if we're still married. We definitely are still married. Here I am to prove it. All right. Okay. So we're going to do some fun questions today. I wanted to think of some really meaningful questions. So first, I want to just start with you describing this season of our life in a single snapshot. Like what image comes to your mind about this stage of life that we're in? I feel like it's a huge, almost like finding ourselves again in the simple things.

2:59Obviously, Jenna talks a lot about the garden and the chickens and the bees and just how we are going back to roots and just finding out what works for us in the most simplest form. And I love it. Yeah. I mean, that is like, I feel like I have this scene in my head of Coco and I in the greenhouse watering things, you and Quinn in the garden with the chickens running around like, and the dogs chasing on the perimeter. It's just the best. I never thought I would have chickens. This is another you told me so kind of thing. But I feel like it's never been more natural for us at the same time. Like I was so scared to go into it, but now I can't see us not having a garden in chickens.

3:39You're obsessed. It's super cool. I mean, like you love the chickens. I feel like a farmer. I know. I'm out there farming. I'm picking up chicken crap and grabbing their eggs and I'm feeding them. And it's honestly so fulfilling and never thought I would do it. But here I am. And I absolutely am obsessed. Yeah, I know. And it's kind of funny. I even remember when I had like my vision board with lots of chicken pictures, like probably too many chicken pictures. And it was a little over the top. You were hard to convince. But I guess this is for anybody on the fence. Like maybe have your partner listen to this because chickens are amazing.

4:12They do poop a lot, but that's OK. Yeah, it doesn't matter. That's good compost. So, yeah, I think I feel like in this stage of life, I just really see our home. I see us outside. I see us just like enjoying the land and doing things we never imagined. And yet, like we feel so much fulfillment and joy from them. And I think, too, one of my favorite things about this stage of life is that the kids are just going to be raised like this is their norm. and that it's like so common to run out to the garden and grab food for dinner and to go grab the eggs and like just I don't know they just they love it like every time they talk about what they're thankful for it's like chickens bees garden greenhouse it's so sweet I grew up with a garden at home too so it's kind of nostalgic and it's just like reminds you that you can grow your own food and you can live off of what you have and enjoy every second of it yeah I mean we're not totally living off of what we have but we're not at all we're on our way one percent Okay, so what is something that you think the internet would never believe about me?

5:14You are very introverted and you need your cave space. Cave space? What am I, a cave woman? Sometimes you don't leave the house and you're totally fine with it. I need to get out and talk to people and feel the energy where you're just like, I got this. I don't need to leave my home in the woods. I know. I feel like people never believe that I'm an introvert, probably because I do things like this where I can talk and show up. And when I'm in person, I feel like I can really like be in other people's energy, but I absolutely positively recharge alone. I think the hardest part of this stage of life is like I want alone time, which can feel hard when you're married to an extrovert.

5:52I also feel like you hate small talk, but if you find people that you can dig in on, it's such a different type of thing for you where you are. You don't like the minutiae. You want to get into the nitty gritty. Yeah. And that's huge for you. Yeah. I mean, I literally will see myself out of conversation so fast if they're talking about the weather or sports or things or sports. I like I just can't. And I feel like life is so short. But like I could talk for hours about deep, deep soul level stuff. So it's interesting. And I think the Internet wouldn't know. Like you are literally the biggest softie.

6:30I mean, honestly, it's something we're working on a little bit. But like I had a call in therapy to depart. So it's a huge deal for me to figure that out. Well, it's funny because I feel like we've been like putting pieces together for you. But like, don't let the muscles fool you. Like this man is so soft. It was so sweet this morning. Coco comes prancing into our room at like 6 a.m. And she had created this beautiful little sticker drawing thing. And like you were just so tender with her and excited and let her turn on the light to show you what she created. And like you have a great level of softness with you when it comes to kids, animals, humans, all the things.

7:08So I think people would maybe be surprised that under that buff exterior, there's just this soft little mushy heart. Too soft. I need to draw the line sometimes. And that's another thing we're working on in therapy. We're working on boundaries. Okay. So what is a moment from this past year that you hope our girls hear about someday? Like what is something you think of? I mean, they're young, so they're pretty perceptive. But like, what's something you want to share with them or hope that they know about this stage of our lives for us? I want them to know that we have been doing some deep work on ourselves collectively and individually.

7:43And I think my parents never told me they did. Maybe they were, but I feel like the deep work on ourselves and just some self-acknowledging of what we're capable of and not shying away from, you know, our weaknesses and things, but leaning into them more, I think is something that I would hopefully they enjoy about us. I think we're doing some in therapy, some really difficult conversations with ourselves, some investigations with ourselves. And I think it's awesome for them if, you know, it's going to in turn help the whole family out. And I think it's good things that they would probably want to know about.

8:15yeah I mean I think they'll feel it I think the effects will be felt okay we're going to talk about therapy in a minute because you keep bringing it up but I feel like in the past year there have been two recent examples that I know my girls have already heard about but I think you know someday we'll look back and be like wow this is a really pivotal time but I went on two different trips this year one to Nashville to a place called Onsite and then I went to Puerto Rico with some girlfriends. And they were both trips, unlike the normal trips I do. I feel like I very rarely travel these days. And when I do, it's like in and out for business and work.

8:51And these were trips that like, I just kept telling you, like, I feel in my gut, I need to be there. Like, I don't know how to describe it. I don't even really know what I'm doing there. But I got these invites, and it just feels like I have to go. And I was explaining to Coco before I left for Puerto Rico of just like how excited I was to be with my friends that I haven't seen in so long and how important it is for me to have time and all these things. And it's just like, I feel like a lot of women didn't have it modeled where their mothers would take time for themselves or like explain the benefits of friendships and relationships and pouring back into themselves.

9:27And so I feel like the girls are getting to see that thanks to your support. And so I feel like I've just done a lot of like soul level exploration. And I think both of us have. So I feel like this year has been a really big year for us both in terms of defining success, really like envisioning the next stage of our lives because we're kind of entering into it and also just being willing to dig under the hood a little bit and like kind of see what's going on. So I mean, let's talk about therapy because you just started. So let's dig into that. How has it been? It's been amazing. And our therapist Julia has just been opening a lot of doors for me that I have always slammed shut and always shied away from but leaning into those tough conversations has been so pivotal and monumental for me you've been doing it longer than I have so we're doing it together but I think the individual work that I've been doing the last couple months has been massive and again it's something that I never I never grew up talking about emotions or dealing with hard situations so totally diving in and like what can I learn from this what's an opportunity you know growth from this has been something that I never never wanted to even try to and now I'm like when's my next phone call I'm excited to see what's under there yeah it's kind of crazy because I just did my conversation with my mom who also brought up starting therapy and you know it's been really interesting because for us when I started doing therapy and things like I really started just having a higher consciousness around like why am I this way or why am I triggered by this or what is my coping mechanism that's kept me safe or like you know up until now what has worked and I remember telling my therapist like gosh I wish I wish Drew would like want to do this and I remember her encouraging and I think this is such good encouragement for anyone out there is she was like, I feel like if you start doing couples therapy, it will open the door because especially being in the Midwest, especially being a man, I feel like therapy is this very like elusive thing that you only run to if you're in deep, deep trouble.

11:35And it's not something looked at as like a way to support yourself or to better yourself, but more of a way to like get out of the trenches. And so it was interesting because I think we had maybe done like three couples coaching calls when you brought up like, I think I need to do this on my own as well. And it was really beautiful because it was kind of the bridge to like get to that place. And so it's like, not only are we working on growing together, but then you're also taking responsibility to grow on your own. And so it's been interesting because I feel like it's kind of like, well, what the heck is therapy?

12:07And I don't want to unearth things and I don't even know what to talk about and all those different things. And it's like all of those fears dissipate when you start to just get into the work. I feel like every phone call I get into with Julia, I have no idea what we're going to talk about. And then something pops up last minute. And we talked about that whole thing today. And I was in tears for probably like 30 minutes. But it's stuff that I'm always afraid of before. And now I'm like, this is huge because I'm learning and I'm growing from these pain points. And it's been unbelievable in just like a path forward in whatever that looks like for me.

12:40you're not going to know unless you pop the hood up so i appreciate you getting me into couples therapy because it's led into all of the other you know successes in my mentals and that's amazing yeah it's pretty cool when i think back to when i bought my first little craigslist camera i had no clue that it would change my entire life like i didn't have this big plan i just took the first tiny step and that's what the new year is for a clean slate a chance to finally start that business idea that won't leave you alone. If 2026 is your year to launch, Shopify makes it feel doable. You can sell online or in person and they give you everything you need to get moving.

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14:00I mean, okay, this leads me to my next question, which is what is something we figured out in our marriage that you're proud of? I can go first because I've got one. I am so proud that we have figured out like what our roles are. And we've just kind of like stuck to those roles with confidence. I think both of us were raised in different types of households where, you know, it was very much a lot of the mom's responsibility for a lot of the, you know, cooking and cleaning and the traditional things. Plus our mothers worked. And so we just had something different modeled. And I know for a while, it was kind of trying to figure out like, what does this look like?

14:38And, you know, I remember you telling me like, I want to be a stay at home dad and you had never held a baby before. And I was like, all right, here we go. But it's been like such a beautiful journey. And I feel like we've just stayed super steadfast in terms of figuring out like, how do we want to do this as a team? Who does what? What does that look like? And obviously, we've worked through so much of that. But I think in a world today where there's so much traditional rules coming back up to the surface, I feel like it's been really powerful for us to just say, here's what works for us. And we're good with that.

15:12And like, this is awesome. And it can change at any time if we need it to evolve. Yeah, I think we're able to evolve. And also, again, it goes on through respecting each other and what we're both good at and understanding what we're good at. And leaning into that power where, yeah, the non-traditional aspect of me home with the girls and you working like we just made that as a priority that's just what we do and whatever we got to do to keep that maintain that and just focus on what we're good at like you said that's you're passionate about certain things let's let's do those things more yeah i'm not passionate about vacuuming i'll tell you that much you were very passionate about it okay what is something we're still working on a big thing for us we're working on is allowing myself to lead a little bit more in a relationship because you're constantly delegating with work and with everything.

16:00I want to be the one that's helping take some decisions off of your plate, more big decisions than little things. And I think you are wanting someone to be more of a co-lead than just you running the show. So I'm excited to challenge myself in becoming more of a leader in the family. Okay. I love this because, I mean, to paint the picture, I feel like our life has been in like these phases. And if you think about it, so I think there's, I think in Vedic astrology, it's like everything is in like a seven year cycle, something like that. And so my business has been running for 14 years. We've been married for 14 years.

16:33So we've kind of been through two cycles and it's actually kind of wild because it's like we became parents in the second seven year cycle. And that cycle is starting to end and start a new beginning, which is exactly how our life feels right now is like both of our girls are in school now, which was a huge transition for us because basically for the last seven years, we've had a kid at home with us all day, every day. And we loved that stage. I mean, there was so much goodness and it was really hard to send Quinn off to school this year. And so it's interesting because if you think of these like seven year cycles, it was like the first seven years is really getting my business off the ground to be the business that it is today.

17:10The second seven years was in parenthood and me having this rinse and repeat business that allowed us to have this life and this journey through parenthood. and I feel like this year has felt like the beginning of dreaming of what do we want for this next like seven year cycle or really just for the future and it's interesting because I feel like I have always been the vision caster like I always just like have this like grandiose vision and I paint it so well and you're like heck yes let's freaking go for this and it's awesome and it's been so beautiful and I feel like for the first time in a long time I'm kind of like leaving the vision open a little bit.

17:46And I remember just really thinking about, you know, it felt like when September was coming this year with the kids starting school, I kept feeling like that date was looming as like, we need to figure out what's next. And I feel like we've let go of this feeling of like, okay, now we've got to like plan out the entire next plan. And we've just been a little bit more open handed, a little loose gripped on it. But what's interesting is, is I also feel like as we're painting this next stage of life with us for our family and our kids, we're also like individually painting, like, what do we want?

18:19And I had this realization with Drew of like, you're going to have more free time, like you have a job well done, like we have successfully got these kids into an amazing school. And like, now, what do we want to do? And it was more of this realization of like, I want you to have things that you choose that you lead that I'm not, you know meddling in or giving my input in or helping guide like I want you to have things that you own that are yours and yours alone and I want the same for me and then of course I want like our shared vision and it's been just like an interesting stage and that's really why we started couples coaching was like we're at this like pinnacle of time where it's like we're rediscovering who we are outside of our roles and what we love to do and what we want and we're so lucky to have options and choice and freedom to make those decisions.

19:06But we also are in that space as a couple of like, okay, so what's next? What do we want to do? It's a clean slate, babe. It's a clean slate. And it's been exciting, like you said, jumping in and not having like a timeline on it. I think like you were saying, I think we felt like, all right, school's in session. What are we going to do next? But it's not something that you can rush into. I'm learning and that it's something that takes a little bit of time to figure out what we both and as a group need. And it's just, yeah. We'll get there. Kind of fun. I mean, what's lighting you up right now?

19:37Like what's exciting you? I'm just loving having this time to meet up with brotherhood with other dads and other friends and getting to connect with people more deeply than just in the pickup line. That's been huge. And I could keep talking about therapy has been big, just doing more work on myself. And then again, the chickens, the property here, we have 10 acres here that I'm just loving being outside and enjoying that. Like just the simple things of owning land in the woods has been massive for me. and yeah just little things the dogs are awesome having our foster dogs in and out of the house it's a messy thing to start but once the dogs are in the house once I'm like no how another dog Jenna come on once they're here I'm like obsessed and that's really lit me up the passion of uh little dogs and again I've always been just a simple I like the simple things and this is just re you know reiterating that like the garden and the bees and the chickens are where I'm meant to be.

20:31I know. I love just being at home just like you do. I know. Well, yeah. Not as much. Yeah. Okay. What is a secret superpower of mine that nobody sees, but that you rely on? I think easily this is going to be your intuition. I am, I think with my brain guy, ones and zeros guy, and I've never really listened to my heart. And you are the number one person that can just have a gut feeling, a gut reaction, something in your heart, and you go with it. And it's literally worked probably 100 % of the time. You're dialed in, I'm always like, I'm always the one saying you're right. It always takes a little while, though, let's be honest.

21:13It starts with an argument, then it goes. It takes a little bit for me to tell you that you're right. I mean, if you could just understand that from the beginning, no, it would save us a lot of stress. It wouldn't be fun then. It would be too easy. I know a little a little challenge I do have a really strong gut on me like I when I look at career and choices and even things that we're looking towards in the future it's like there's so many things that are like divinely led that I can't orchestrate and looking back I'm like oh yeah but I have this like knowing and I think I've always had it I've I've always been it but I feel like it's stronger now than ever before where it's just like whoa lights on you're definitely leaning into it and listening to it more if anything and i don't know about your childhood but i feel like you've always kind of known what to do and when to do it which which makes you a you know a natural leader obviously you just you can decide before it's even anybody else's mind you're already moving on to the next thing yeah it's interesting i think your superpower is like nobody knows this so funny.

22:20Your parents were here for Thanksgiving and you are like constantly running behind the scenes, just like tidying. But your dad was like, man, that guy already did the dishwasher, put it away, blah, blah, blah. Like it is like all of the backend stuff that does take up a lot of headspace. It's just like, that's your go-to. And your parents were just so impressed. And I I was like, no, this is like so normal for us. But we also operate like a well-oiled machine. Like we have our positions. I'll never forget when Marissa from my team stayed with us. And one morning she was like sitting at the table and just watching us do the delicate dance before school where it's like, I get them dressed.

22:59I do the hair. You do the breakfast. Like we have this whole thing in this whole system, but it's like you are always moving things behind the scenes and just keeping it moving and just keeping me organized, which let's be honest is a task in and of itself. So I think that's pretty amazing. It's like you are the infrastructure, the foundation. Yeah, it goes into alignment of your big vision kind of vibes and I'm just like the lay the groundwork vibe and it's worked. And you could really see that like in our closet, like his side of the closet is like... You want to see that vision? Yes, it would really explain a lot about us.

23:36okay if you could go back and tell the guy who married the girl who was like hmm i think i'm going to become a wedding photographer like what would you tell him what would you tell that version of you that 24 year old man listen whatever she says moving forward just agree with it and it's gonna work out don't be afraid of the risk trust her trust my napkin math i feel like i've done napkin math many times for us. I would tell myself at that stage that it's all going to work out, but it's not going to look anything like you think. Like I think that my brain often moves 20 steps ahead. And oftentimes it's not where I'm meant to land.

24:22It's like things are stepping stones. And so I think I would tell her, you know, it's going to be better than you imagine. you're gonna make a lot of money but it's not gonna fix anything but I think the thing that will change your life the most is learning to pause and ask the harder questions and so I think it's just like been a beautiful deconstruction like when I look at our lives the past few years I think there's been just a lot of like untangling what the world tells you to want what you think you should want. I mean, we have met and spent really quality time with a lot of super successful people.

25:02And I think at the end of the day, we live a very simple, small town life. And we do things in a way that we want them. But I think the biggest luxuries are convenience and choice. I love convenience. I mean, give me a DoorDash or an Instacart any day of the week. Love it. Don't like to leave the house. But choice, I think, is like the ultimate luxury. And it's something that you and I don't take for granted of like not sweating the small stuff, knowing that there are options, but also being able to choose like, what do I want to do? What actually matters? What lights me up? And I think that's been like the biggest blessing.

25:38Like that's the luxury at the end of the day. And I think having gratitude around that too, like realizing that there's a choice and we're, we're able to do this, you know, small town, you know, life by design and And just leaning into that and being really grateful for what we have. I mean, it was interesting because when I went to Nashville and on site, there was I think there's like 40 people. And I was the only person from the Midwest. And every other person lived in a massive city. It was New York, L.A., Austin, Texas. Like it was all cities. And I was the only person that lived in a small town.

26:13And at the end of the whole thing, you have to put a little pin into the map. and it was like LA was exploding on the map and New York was exploding. And then here's my little pin in Duluth, Minnesota. And it was just like a beautiful reminder of like, we've lived a really big life while keeping our feet in a small town. And like, I feel that has served us and our kids so well. We're living a beautiful life. We're not dead yet, babe. Yeah, we're not dead yet. We've got a lot to do. Okay. What is one dream that you are holding quietly for the next chapter? Like it could be for us or for the girls.

26:48Like what's something you're just thinking about a lot? I think I would love to do more traveling with the family, you know, taking them out of school for periods of time and traveling to Europe for a month or traveling to Australia, whatever it looks like. But I enjoy traveling. Jenna enjoys traveling and the kids have always been along with us for the ride. So I think doing more grand traveling and learning that way through other cultures, I think would be super, super cool. And again, being from a small town, we can always come back to the woods. But going out at this pivotal age for them would be, I think would be so, so educational for them and for us.

27:24Yeah. And that would be amazing just getting more travel in. I saw something recently where it was like, you asked your kids what they got last year for Christmas and like, they have no idea. Like Coco the other night got really embarrassed because she didn't know. And then I was like, what trips did we go on this year? And like, they can just fire them off, you know, Florida, Nashville, Arizona, Chicago, yeah and it's like they remember trips so vividly I think there's a ton of data at the back setup too about travel and I know travel is a luxury and it's not accessible for everyone but even like you go to the mall of America which is two hours away and spend time and like those are the core memories so I agree I think calling in a lot of travel I also think just a lot of like community service and like teaching our kids how to be involved and how to notice and how to be aware and, you know, really looping them into the work that we want to do and the work that's impactful.