944: This Isn't Goodbye. This Is the Goal.

0:00Whew, here we are. Hi, I have something to tell you. And I have been keeping this close to my heart for a while now. I feel like I've just been sitting with it and making sure that it was real before I actually said the words out loud. And today is the day that I'm finally ready to share it. And I'm going to be honest, I'm feeling all the things. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest. I feel nervous. I feel excited. I'm grateful. And most of all, I'm sure. And that's the thing I keep coming back to. I'm really sure about this. What I'm about to tell you, it might surprise you. It might not make any sense at first, but stick with me because I promise by the end of this episode, I hope that it will.

0:48And I think it might be one of the most important conversations we've ever had. So get cozy. Let's do this. Let's dive on in. I'm Jenna Kutcher, and I help you trade hustle for purpose and build a business that gives you the life you actually want to live. From a$300 Craigslist camera to a seven figure business I run from home, I've learned that success isn't just about what you do. It's about how you live. Here, you'll get strategies that work, systems that give you your time back and steps that turn your effort into results and impact. If you're ready for clarity, confidence, and a business that feels as good as it looks, you're in the right place.

1:32This is the Gold Digger Podcast. I am someone who gets these visions and oftentimes they do not make sense. It's like this very clear vision that I just have to learn to sit with and hope that someday it makes sense. And I've had this vision for a while and it's a very specific vision and it's this vision of me and I have on this like loose flowy dress, which I'm laughing at because I'm sitting here in yoga pants right now. and I am up on my tiptoes and I'm putting this book up on a shelf and I'm just smiling. The sun is shining in. I'm super grounded. I'm super present and I'm putting this book up on the shelf.

2:12I'm setting it there and there's two things ahead of me and there's two paths and neither path is good or bad. There's a path of me that will someday in the future pick up that book again and open it back up. And there's this other path of me that will just sit and look over at that book on the shelf and think, dang, that was a good one. And I've realized that in this vision, the book is actually this very show. I feel like if I were to look at this podcast as a book, I have been writing this thing for nearly a decade. Episode by episode, outline by outline, page by page. It's 968 episodes deep.

2:54Not a round number, not a neat ending, not something I'd tie up with a bow, but it's real. And for now, it feels complete. And what's interesting is, with this book metaphor, if we keep going with it, I'm closing it. I'm not throwing it away. I'm not burning it. I'm just closing it gently. I'm running my hand across the cover. I'm smiling at this completion and I'm placing it on the shelf. And it's so interesting because in this vision, I just see myself looking at it there on the shelf, this thing that we've made together. And I feel so much gratitude and I feel so much pride and I feel so much peace.

3:34Will I pick it up again? Who knows? Will I open it back up and start writing a new chapter or a sequel or maybe even something I can't even imagine yet. Maybe I'm open to whatever magic is coming. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just walk past that shelf and see the spine and think, wow, that was a really good one. And you know what? That would be enough. That would be more than enough. And this vision is what has helped give me the courage to finally say what I'm about to say. So I think it's only fair to kind of start at the very beginning, which is so hard for somebody with ADHD. You know, over the last few years, I have been doing a lot of untangling.

4:16I feel like I have been doing a lot of the very hard work, the work that you don't show on social media, the work that people don't always understand. I feel like I've been doing a lot of unwiring, a lot of introspection, a lot of reflection on business, on my life, on the way I show up online and I've really been asking myself some really honest questions. The questions that you often don't even ask because sometimes you're afraid to hear the answers to. I mean, hello, I wrote a book called How Are You Really? I like to go deep, but I've noticed that oftentimes the way that we live our lives is this way to avoid going deep.

4:59And so when I really get honest with myself and when I ask myself questions like, what lights me up the most and what types of work do I actually enjoy and where do I feel like I'm performing versus where I can just be myself I feel like I started to get clearer answers and answers that honestly surprised me and here's the truth I spent a lot of years feeling like I have needed to perform on the internet as the algorithm has continued to change as the way that we consume content has evolved. I feel like what used to be a very pure and authentic expression of who I am and what I think and what I do, it's turned into this place where it just feels like you have to perform.

5:49And I have been very intentional around untangling that feeling and figuring out where I've been performing because I thought I've had to versus where I just get to show up and be the full expression of who I am. And when I started looking at my business through that lens, something became really clear to me. You know, I love, like I love so deep in my bones. I love so many aspects of this podcast. This podcast has been one of the greatest blessings of my entire life. It has been a huge source of connection to other incredible humans and mentors. It's been a massive revenue source. It's been a huge business driver.

6:36It's, I mean, it's on the front cover of my book. It is so much of what I've known for. It is so much of the work that I've done. It has been this vessel of the impact that I've wanted to make in the world. And I love it. Like, I hope you can hear my voice. I love this show. I truly do. but I also know something about myself. I am someone who is very prone to stay in places where I am really good at performing. I stay in things because I'm good at them. That has been my history up until now. And I have done things like sports. I have done so many different things in my life, stayed in jobs, not because they light me up, but just because I'm good at them.

7:24and the world has told me I'm good at them. And so I started to wonder, like, what would it look like to deconstruct this, to step away from something that I'm good at? Could I really do it? Like, what would that even be like? Like, what would have to happen to do this? And immediately, my brain went to, well, first, I just need to get to 1000 episodes. I'm so freaking close to 1000 and episodes. And I started doing math. I mean, you could see the spreadsheets. My head looks like the matrix in terms of coding of like, well, I could just add in a third episode or we could push a little harder. I could just hold out until, you know, next year.

8:08And that right there was one of the lessons that was waiting for me in making this decision because this episode is 968, which is probably the most random number of all time. In fact, the other day, my sister, I was telling her about recording this episode. And she was like, 1000 episodes is so amazing. Oh my gosh, what an accomplishment. I was like, well, I didn't make it to 1000. I made it to 968. She joked. She said, I'm going to get you a trophy with the number 968 on it because that is a feat. And that is also a lesson for so many of us. And it's just so funny because even in making this decision and the process around it.

8:49It's like, I kept trying to think of how I could hit 1000 episodes. And I almost did it. Like I almost went back to the old version of me who would push way too hard to make something happen. Because I mean, let's be honest, 1000 episodes sounds so much better, right? Like 1000 is a headline 1000 is impressive 1000 is the kind of number you do put on a trophy. But that voice that was telling me that I just needed to push a little harder and do a little more. That is exactly the one that I am done listening to. The one that says that the number matters more than the knowing. The one that prioritizes what's impressive over what's true.

9:31I mean, I've learned this lesson over and over and over again, that more is an hour's more. And let me tell you, that has been a hard earned lesson for me. 968 is the realest number. It's the honest number. It's the number that represents me choosing alignment over achievement. So yeah, give me that trophy, sister. I'm going to display it proudly. And right when I was sitting with all of this, it was so interesting because something happened that felt like the universe confirming what I already knew. So once I started doing a lot of the untangling work of just this idea of performance and what my dream life would look like as I moved forward.

10:16And once that seed was planted of like, what if I take a step away from this show that I've been doing for nearly a decade? I had sat with it really in quiet for a long time, which is crazy for me because as somebody with ADHD and someone who is a manifesting generator in human design, oftentimes the last thing I do is sit with a thought like when I get an idea I am usually a hundred miles per hour moving towards it and for once in my life I was sitting with it and something kind of crazy happened I had gotten back from a trip and my podcast producer has been with me for years Christy asked if we could hop on a call it was kind of rare that she asked that and we get on a call and she talks to me just about this vision she had for her life.

11:09Now, Christy is a violinist. She teaches violin lessons. She does gigs. She plays at weddings. She's phenomenal. In fact, when I interviewed her, she was on a tour bus playing violin on tour and I hired her for this job. And she was sharing that she had this vision of going deeper into her musical life. and essentially she was about to put in her notice and it felt so serendipitous and so divine and I said wait wait wait before you put in your notice I have to tell you something and I shared with her the vision that I was having about putting the book up on the shelf and I asked her I said you know I know you're putting in your notice but would you consider staying on just a little bit longer so that we can shut this down together the right way.

11:57And it honestly felt like divine timing, like the universe was saying, all right, this is your sign. This is your moment. This is your clarity. It was almost like everything was aligning exactly as it should. Because let me tell you, as a boss, I take care of my team. Christy is the only team member on my team that works on this show, but I care about Christy. And so when she let me know that she wanted to pursue something different, not go after another job, not leave the company for any other reason, but to pursue her passion. It felt so divine. And so Christy graciously stayed on to help me wrap this whole thing up.

12:35And it felt so beautiful to be able to close this chapter together instead of me having to start fresh with someone new or bring in a contractor to help close this thing up. And that felt exactly right. There's something so poetic about ending this season with the person who helped me create so much of it. And once I knew for sure this was happening, I really started approaching every episode differently. When I think back to when I bought my first little Craigslist camera, I had no clue that it would change my entire life. Like I didn't have this big plan. I just took the first tiny step. And that's what the new year is for a clean slate, a chance to finally start that business idea that won't leave you alone.

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13:55Go to shopify.com slash gold digger. That's shopify.com slash gold digger. Here are your first this new year with Shopify by your side. So I pretty much made this decision back in August. I think the seed was planted way before that, but I feel like I got a lot of clarity and I feel like ever since I made that decision, I have been creating from a very deep well. I am so proud of the episodes that have dropped in recent months. I feel like every single episode, I have been thinking so long and so hard about what I really want to say. Like I've been asking myself, what is worth saying? Like if these are the only episodes anyone ever listens to, would they understand who I am?

14:45Would they know what I believe? Would they get what I stand for? And it's been kind of fun because I feel like I've been Taylor Swifting it, like leaving little breadcrumbs along the way. And so if after listening to this, you go back and listen to episodes from the last few months, you will probably see the signs. There were signs all along. I was weaving themes together with every episode. I was looking at every episode as a piece of this story and this legacy, as a way to close this chapter out, I was really thinking through the through line of what really matters. And I was also leaving clues for you.

15:22And honestly, I was leaving them for myself too. But to understand why this feels so right, I need to share some of the deeper work I've been doing, like what has been happening, because this is work that when I look back now, it's been years in the making. One of the biggest things that I've been untangling is that pattern of performing, this tendency to just stay in things because I'm good at them or because they're easy. I mean, a perfect example of this, this was funny, but I dove as a competitive springboard diver, competitively my entire college career, even though I genuinely, genuinely in the core of my being, I hate being cold and I hate being wet.

16:04like I lived in a pool for my whole four years in college I smelled like chlorine because I was good at it not because I loved it because I was good at it and to this day my kids joke that I never want to get in a pool but like I didn't like being in a pool but I was good at it and so I did it that is a pattern and it's one that I have been really conscious about unwiring and it's interesting because I have never been afraid of making big moves and big decisions. I have been on this path for a very long time. There have been so many moments in my entrepreneurial journey where I have made decisions to cut back.

16:44Like three years into being a wedding photographer, I said, screw six figures. Like I was happier when I earned 50K. Like I am not the type of person who shies away from drastic decisions or going against the grain. But I feel like with the help of therapy and having more time to think and reflect with being a mom and literally seeing like my inner child reflected back to me through my daughters, I've been really challenged to look at where I'm wired in ways that do not serve me anymore. That doesn't mean they didn't serve me on the path. That doesn't mean that they weren't helpful at specific times in my life.

17:18But like, these are things I'm ready to shed. And for me, being a mom has been one of the biggest mirrors, like watching my girls grow up and seeing parts of myself in them has really pushed me to think about what patterns I want to break within myself and what do I want to model for them. And somewhere in the middle of all of this inner work, I found myself searching for something that I couldn't quite name. And somewhere in the middle of all of this work and all of this deconstruction and all of this untangling, I found myself searching for something that kind of surprised me. It was like something I couldn't quite name.

17:55And it's something that I haven't really told many people. But months ago, I found myself going down a rabbit hole. I go down a lot of rabbit holes. But I found myself going online and Googling and looking for women who were once in the spotlight or who were at the top of their career and who chose to take a step back, like who made a conscious decision to say, I'm done. Women who made that decision at the height of their careers, women who could have hit the gas pedal, but instead made this like very distinct choice to go in a different direction. And you know what I found? It was really hard to find those stories because for women, this isn't often modeled.

18:42Making these kinds of choices when it's not coming from a place of drama or it's not coming from a place of failure, not because your back is up against the wall, but because you're choosing something different. You're making a really mindful, intentional, conscious choice to do something different from a place of peace and not panic. And I think so many women want this, but they don't have the words for it. It's this permission to step back without a crisis forcing their hand. It's this freedom to choose rest before burnout makes a choice for them. Or the courage to say this is enough when the world keeps demanding more.

19:19If you have ever felt that quiet longing, like that whisper that wonders if there's another way. First, I just want you to know you are not alone. But I also want to show you it's possible. And for me, once I got clear on what I wanted, I started telling people like I let them in. And what was so funny is that the reactions that I got were all across the board, but they surprised me. So I have been sharing this decision with a lot of friends over the past few months, and it's been really fun watching reactions. I mean, I have been met with a lot of surprise. I have been met with genuine shock.

20:02People that are really close to me, like some of my best friends, my parents, my team, everyone has been really surprised by this decision and it was interesting because I had made this decision months ago and I felt like I had let people in but there were certain moments I remember calling my parents and they were in Hawaii and I was asking my mom if she would come on the show and she goes you have so many other people you could interview and I said mom it's one of the last episodes I really want you to come on it would mean a lot to me and she goes wait what one of your last episodes I know you were thinking about it but I didn't know you decided it.

20:34And I told everyone again at Thanksgiving and I feel like it was just everyone went silent. The kind of silence where like your fork freezes midair and you can hear the dog breathing in the other room. And it was almost like people were staring at me like I'd said, you know what, I'm going to move to Antarctica and I'm going to study penguins. Like that's what it felt like. And it was really interesting because my brother was there and he gave me my first microphone over a decade ago. Like he was someone who believed in me, believed in the idea of the show before anyone else did. And he just smiled at me and he said, you know what?

21:08That's awesome, Jenna. And it was like he got it immediately. And I'll never forget telling my team like that was huge. I wish I would have taken a screenshot of their faces because it was just a huge shock to them. But then what was so beautiful is it was met with so much understanding because the people who know me well, know that every time I have this kind of knowing, like I have this instinct, this feeling of needing to change or to cut back or to free up more time and space, that is when I unlock my next level, whatever that next level is. I'm not talking about revenue or like explosive growth.

21:47I'm talking about my next level or my next evolution as a human. And here's what's super interesting to me about this decision is I never wavered. Once I made this decision, I have felt so clear and so confident in it. I can't even think of a single moment where I doubted it. And so it's been really beautiful to let people in to experience their shock and their surprise, but then also to feel that deep trust from the people who know me so well, to trust that I know what is the next best thing for me and to just trust my intuition. What it really is, is simplicity. I want more real life. I want life offline.

22:43I want life where I'm not constantly creating content, but I am just living my life. I feel like I was raised in this era where life was show and tell, right? You show people what you're doing, you tell them what you're learning. And there's so much beauty in that, right? There's so many gifts that come from that. But I want to just live. I want mornings with my girls where I'm not you know, worried about a recording schedule. I want to be in my garden with my hands in the dirt. I want to sit with Drew in the evening and be present and not feel tempted to crack open my laptop. I want to show up at school pickup, not because I squeezed it in, but because my schedule was built around it.

23:30And here's something my therapist said recently that really landed with me. You know, every so often I renew my contract and my commitment with her. And recently I was ready to renew my contract. And she said, you know, what are you thinking as we move forward? And I was like, you know, I feel like we have done so much work. I don't think the work is ever done. But I felt like I was just in a really beautiful space. And I just I love her so much that I was like, I don't want to be done done. But I think we can cut back a little bit. And she said something that I will never forget. She said, sometimes your time out of therapy is just as important as time in therapy.

24:08Because you get to integrate, you get to do the work, you get to notice things and grow without having to constantly report back, without having to process out loud all of the time. And I realize that's exactly how I feel about podcasting right now. Because I get to just live and experience without thinking about how to show it, how to tell it, how to package it up, without figuring out how to guide people through it or present it. I get to just live it. And that right now to me sounds like the most luxurious thing in the world. Here's the thing that really caught me off guard, though, because both of my girls are now in school full time.

24:46And for years, for literal years, since I became a mom seven years ago, I told myself that when this season came, when both were in school all day, I would be ready to hit the gas pedal again. You know, I've had this analogy since I became a mom of like, I'm going to hit the brake pedal and trust that I will remember where the gas pedal is. And I think in the back of my mind, as I had that thought, I always imagined that with both kids in school, it almost feel like retirement in so many ways as a mom in that sense, where I would just be ready and gunning to get back into it. and what has been so interesting to me is that the opposite is true for me right now that I want to keep slowing down now that I have this space I don't want to fill it with more work I don't want to ramp up and build more and create more and do more I want to keep slowing down my word of the year this year was spaciousness and I think honestly it should be the word for my next year because I think this year was about creating room for spaciousness and I want to protect it.

25:59I don't want to exploit it. Like I am so curious to see what I will do with my extra time. And honestly, I have no idea. Like I do not know what it's going to look like. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what it's going to feel like to not sit down and plan everything out and record every single month. And there is this season, this little phase between making this decision and really getting to this place of groundedness where I feel like all I could say was, I don't know. Like, I don't know what it's going to look like. I don't know who I am without this. I don't know what I'm going to spend my time on.

26:36And instead of saying no, like it's this problem, my therapist suggested I reframe it and just say, I'm open to whatever magic is coming. And I am like, I am so open to it. I'm so excited about it. A few years ago, I had this idea of going on a joy journey of finding the things that I love to do outside of work. You know, there was this time in my life where I really woke up and I was like, I do not know who I am outside of work and motherhood. Outside of the roles I play, I don't know who I am. And it wasn't that I lost myself, but it was just that that stage of life demanded almost this duality of like, you are either working or momming, you're momming or working.

27:26And I was starting to kind of lift my head and see my way out of that. And I wanted to kind of go on this joy journey of finding things that brought me joy outside of those roles. And I kind of turned my joy journey into this goal of making my work the least interesting part of who I am. And honestly, I feel like I have been so successful at that, maybe too successful at that, right? And so this to me does not feel like a loss. It feels like a gain. Like when I think about this choice, it is a gain of time, a gain of spaciousness, a gain of creativity, a gain of freedom to figure out who I am when I'm not behind a microphone every week.

28:07And I want to be really, really clear about something right now. I have zero ulterior motives here. Like there's not some massive secret project that I'm planning. There's no big launch that's waiting in the wings. There's no gotcha moment coming. It's just spaciousness, just time to figure out what do I really want to do next? The thought of snuggling up under a cozy blanket and writing again genuinely excites me. Like maybe I will start a sub stack. Maybe it'll be something else entirely. Maybe I'll write another book. I don't know. I don't know. There are zero plans right now. And I am so okay with that.