Cleo Wade: Reflections, Resolutions, and Answering Listener Questions

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1:11Don't hold anything too tightly. Just wish for it, want it, let it come from the intention of real truth for you and then let it go. For me, our soul is like it's unbound. It's limitless, but we will use words to limit ourselves. When people stop believing that somebody's got your back or Superman's coming, we turn to ourselves. And that's where you become empowered. Courageous participation attracts positive things. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow, and this is the Goop Podcast, where we bring together visionaries, scientists, healers, artists, and seekers. I'm so grateful that I get to interview these extraordinary thought leaders and share their wisdom with you.

2:00And I love listening to the conversations that are led by my co-host and dear friend, Cleo Wade. Cleo is a beautiful poet and author. I deeply admire her and the way she keeps her heart open to the world. Together, we believe that engaging in open-minded, honest, and sometimes difficult conversations has the power to change our lives. All right, over to Cleo. Today's episode of the pod is extra special because it's the last episode of 2023 y 'all. Instead of being joined by a guest, I'm doing a round of ask me anything in the theme of reflections and resolutions. If you would like to send a question for next time, you can find me on Instagram.

2:46I am at Cleo Wade. Okay. Let's get to our questions today.

2:54First question, could you share how you embraced your human design and what you had to decondition from your chart, if any? Wow. It's been such a long time since I began doing human design, but what it helped me with the most was really listening to my own intuition and knowing that the more I thought about something, the more possible it was for me to perhaps make that thought come to in reality. I am a manifester by category in human design. I don't know that I ever really understood the concept of manifesting before I worked with the ideas around human design and worked with Jenna. And when she really explained it to me, it kind of demystified it too.

3:41It really made me understand that you can really focus on something that you hear within yourself and it can be meant for you. and embodying that energy really does get you closer to the goal. And that is really something that I have witnessed and experienced in just, I guess, that kind of belief system or mindset around really wanting something for yourself or working towards something. It gave me kind of an extra boost or energy when I felt fatigued or tired or like I wanted to give up. And then the deconditioning, I certainly had to decondition kind of being really, you know, sweaty around going to work.

4:22I used to be like, oh, you just have to work and grind and go and do. And if you're working the hardest and you're the most exhausted and you've ground yourself down, that gives you value or importance. When really working in flow, working in ways that allow you to feel energized, working in ways that allow you to feel good, whether that's where you work in your house, making sure you have sunlight, if that's what you need, or making sure you have a cozy, dark den, if that's what you need. Really kind of figuring out the right environment so that my work could feel like flow or the right time.

4:53So my work could feel like flow. There are so many times in life where I've felt that kind of impulse of, you have to get up really early in the world. And that's what the most productive people do. When I think human design really helps me decondition that in, into just valuing sleep and kind of working backwards from how much sleep I can get to be to, in order to be my most clear when it's time for me to work or be with my family. And so I think more than anything, it really helped decondition that kind of hustle and grind culture for me. And I really, I really recommend human design. I've always liked it.

5:29I've never met anyone who said they didn't like it or, or really didn't connect with it. And I think Jenna Zoe's book is a perfect starting place. How did you first know you were a poet and who were the first poets you admired? I mean, I guess if I'm being honest, the first poems I admired were probably ones found in children's books, whether that was, you know, Dr. Seuss or even The Little Prince or The Gruffalo Book or Madeline or Shel Silverstein. Those are the first times I saw such playfulness or experience this kind of playful or Roald Dahl, this kind of playful way that words could be poetic and not just descriptive.

6:14And so I guess those are my favorite poets. And then as an adult, I'd probably say Rumi Hafez, or Hafez, Mary Oliver, Maya Angelou, James Baldwin's poetry, Derek Walcott's poetry. There's so many. Okay. And then when did I first know I was a poet? I don't know, but I remember the first time I knew I had to say the words in order for it to be true. If I wanted it to be true for me. I used to say, oh, I write, or I like poetry. But when I knew that I really wanted to focus on it and have it be what I wanted to do for a living and have it be my day job and kind of really how I spent my time, I remember being in DC and being in these kind of like stuffy circles.

7:02And I think I've told this story in the pod before, but I just remember at that time I was really like, you know, is this something I feel like I can do? And is this something that I feel like can't even be done because at that time, there weren't a lot of people who wanted to be poets or were poets in a modern way where you felt like they were making a living. And so I remember thinking, I have to start saying it. I have to tell people I'm a poet when they ask me what I do for a living. And I remember at the time I had this boyfriend who was kind of like insecure about me, I think wanting to be that.

7:32And he would say, oh, oh yes, this is Cleo. She's a professional poet. And I was like, you don't have, I wouldn't say that you are professional, whatever you are at your job. You don't have to say that I can say that I'm a poet and I don't need it to be qualified by you or anyone. And it was a real lesson in sticking up for what you want and releasing your own shame or embarrassment and it being different or unlike others and being the first person to do that because you really can't claim that dream in the world. If you can't start with yourself, with you being the one who says it to others and into yourself when you wake up in the morning.

8:11And so it was a really, I don't know, it was a really profound moment for me anyway. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. Indeed's sponsored jobs help you stand out and hire fast. With sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. And it makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45 % more applications than non-sponsored jobs.

8:46Plus, with Indeed sponsored jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long-term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a$75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash listen. Just go to Indeed.com slash listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash listen. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring? Indeed is all you need. What is your advice on sharing poems if you have estranged loved ones and might be worried about what others think? I think the more you worry about other people's ideas of you, the less freely you will live your life.

9:33And so I think if there's something in your heart that you want to put into the world or say or do or dance or sing, you know, your life is always yours and it's precious and it's important. and you deserve to share those gifts with the world. And the world is probably waiting on you to share them. So if you feel that it's so important and that that whisper within you is becoming louder and louder and louder, I suggest beginning to share it, even if it's just with one person. And that one person doesn't have to be your best friend even. It could just be someone who you think might like it or might be able to hold the space for you to share it in a way that feels calm and not stressful and generous.

10:23Is sending notes to exes a good idea or a horrible idea? I personally do not subscribe to exes. I mean, I don't know. I don't like talking to them really. I've gone through definitely periods where I felt like it made me feel that I was somehow, I don't know, maybe like mature or the bond was really strong or, or maybe I just wanted to like make it seem like I hadn't been rejected or I'm not sure, but I think I've gone through phases where I felt like, oh yeah, I talk to them all the time where it's so great. And it actually isn't so great. If it was so great, you'd be together. And I also think that something that exes do often is they try to maintain what they want from the relationship without giving you what you want, which is the relationship.

11:19And so I think they try to still get your advice or still have your companionship or still have your this or your that or whatever, all the things that you offer them. But instead now they're kind of picking the things they want with no responsibility to you or your feelings or your time or anything else. And so I do think that it's a fine line there. Of course, this is not a sweeping statement. And if you enjoy talking to your ex or they become your best friend or you have a really unique situation, I understand that. But I think as a whole, often sending notes to your ex or texting your ex is a way that we live in denial of the breakup.

11:57We're trying to hold on or we feel that there's still a hope in the future, or it's a way that we are just signifying that we are not yet ready to detach. And all of those things are okay, by the way. It is completely fine to be going through a breakup and not be ready to let them go and for them to not be ready to let you go. And that's normal and it's okay. And the time will be right when the time is right. But I usually suggest just kind of keeping it moving. I don't, I don't even, I'm honestly like, I don't have even exes that I don't have a, like a harsh, like feeling towards or truly dislike.

12:42And I do dislike a lot of them. I, I don't even like to talk to them because I don't really personally feel the need to, I like living in the present. I like building my life with the people who are within it with me right now, but I don't know, I'm kind of cutthroat about it. So, I mean, I don't even know if this is good advice. How do you maintain mindfulness during the most hustling times in your career? To be honest, I don't know that you do. I feel like sometimes you can only give something the energy you have when I'm right in really, really deep writing seasons. I don't really exercise a And I don't, I wouldn't say I'm my most mindful.

13:29And I think that trying to feel like there's an equation that works no matter what you're going through is probably unrealistic. And anyone who tells you that they still do, then they probably aren't going through the busiest time of their career, the most hustling time of their career. I just, I don't think you can maintain peak mindfulness through everything. And I don't think, and maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't, but I do think that like, you know, I think different seasons and times call for different things. I think you're on a crazy adventure and you're traveling on safari in Africa.

14:06I just don't think that unless you're called to, you need to meditate or you need to do anything but be present and absorb that experience. And I think that oftentimes we're really militant about mindfulness and it gets way of living in the present moment, which is actually the whole point of mindfulness. So I think wherever you're at and whatever you have to give to that, you can, and you can know that it shouldn't last forever, but there's just going to be seasons where it's not as present as you would like, or it usually is. Who have I most recently followed on Instagram? One of my favorite people to follow on Instagram that is a more recent follow is probably Van Latham.

14:53I just love him. He's on Louisiana. He's so funny. I've also, who have I recently followed? I'm trying to think. I honestly, I kind of use Instagram more in a way of like how I use Google. Like I kind of go on there to look up certain things. So instead of scrolling, I'll kind of decide I'm going to go on Goop's Instagram and look up something for, you know, holiday presents for Simon. And then I kind of have used, use it more as a place as a starting place to then shop or read or do something else in another site. So sometimes I'll just kind of search something like a kid's story follow or something to see what they've been posting and then use that to then go search for something else for my kids.

15:39But I'm really trying to kind of use it in that way rather than just like doing nuts scrolling. Cause it does make me feel crazy. What are your New Year's Eve traditions? Something we really started doing over the past few years. I think because New Year's during COVID brought so many people indoors for New Year's rather than traveling out and about. And I had kids during the time, but a lot of my family comes and we stay and we like to do a boil. I'm from Louisiana. So my mom does a lobster boil and we cover the table in paper and we kind of crack open all of this seafood and I usually have too much wine and have a dance party to horrible holiday music in my living room with whichever friends are in town.

16:28Last year, my friend Phil, my best friend from grammar school usually spends Christmas or New Year's with us. So yeah, we like that. Okay. What is my next question? How do you feel about making resolutions? I personally don't love high pressure situations. And so I think if I feel that the resolution is in a flow and doesn't seem like a punishment to me in any way, I'm down, but I don't like to be living in a life of setting goals for myself from a place of, you know, shame, or this is bad, or this is good. And I think resolutions tend to be a little bit more like that. something I started doing last year and last year's was this song called what a fool believes by the Doobie brothers, but I will have like a song for the year.

17:19And I just try to pick a really joyful song so that it reminds me to get back into a place of joy. If I am feeling low throughout the year, which I know is on a resolution, but felt like a cool tradition. And it was just always my song that reminded me to just kind of like breathe and lighten up and be happy I'm alive. And so I'm thinking about what my song this year will be. But I also think on the flip side about resolution, something I've always considered is that it's really cool to set goals for yourself when like energetically so many people are doing it. So this idea that you could have almost the momentum of this huge energy of people who are all hoping to do this big thing for themselves.

17:59I think there's something really cool about that. So if you can find a way to kind of be in the wave in a way that feels good, I think that's cool. Okay. What is a lesson I learned from 2023?

18:14I think 2023 for me was a lesson in really doing the work that I write about in my own life. I feel like I said this a few times on the pod this year, but when I was writing Remember Love, or actually in the process of putting it out, I never really came face-to-face with more things that challenged me to live the words I write. And so much about Remember Love is about centering and valuing our relationships over work, over anything else, because I do think that in a world of loneliness, in a world where joy can feel so hard to live in or even come across briefly, spending your time with people you love and respect and laugh with and is rare and needs to be centered.

19:10And so there were so many moments in my process this year where I was faced with the decision of like, be here for someone I love or be able to do this thing in a work world or in something else. And I was really grateful that I had spent so much time thinking about this idea that our relationships deserve this much of us and that I knew the decision that was right for me in those moments. And so I'm grateful that I could, you know, center those I love and be in community and really kind of be about it. I want, I'm so grateful that I could really live my values in that way. And that's in being in community with those I love and stepping away from those I don't feel connected to and choosing community with those I love over other things and material ideas.

20:07And I think I'm really, I'm proud to have learned that lesson. And I was really confronted with it a bit this year. What is a highlight from the past year personally or culturally? Obviously, remember love coming out was a highlight as was all of these. I got to do a lot of cool things with my family culturally that were such a big part of my childhood. So I took my kids to Mardi Grah in New Orleans this year. They went to Jazz Fest in New Orleans this year. And culturally, the Beyonce tour was pretty major for me. Also culturally, my brother who writes poetry and is an incredible academic studying in Indiana, released a lot of poetry this year in different journals that were all really beautiful and inspiring.

20:58And so this past year has also been really cool to be able to watch his work impact so many people. And it's kind of cool when you are someone who gets to read someone's first drafts and second drafts and gets to read them before they're published in these journals and literary magazines. And so, because you know for a while, you're like, oh my God, this is so good. This is so good. But it hadn't come out yet. And So I got to see a lot of his gifts be shared this year, which was really cool. Yeah. Those were some big highlights. What are you looking forward to in 2024? I have no idea what I'm looking forward to in 2024.

21:41I'm really grateful to just be in this moment. Maybe that's the theme of this whole podcast episode is just presence and being in the moment. I'm not really traveling much this holiday season. and really just kind of being with my family and with my girlfriends and with Simon. And I just feel really, I feel really grateful to have this kind of cozy nest we live in to be able to talk and love each other and process the world we're living in because it does feel so extreme and intense so often. And so I think I'm looking forward to maybe more of this, these kind of intimate and cozy moments. And yeah.

22:22Advice for someone who is spending the holidays without their family. How do you respond to people who ask you what you're doing for the holidays? I think that the more we work on our own definitions of family and knowing that, you know, blood family doesn't mean it's your only family and that there are friends that become family and pets that become family and time alone can be incredibly restorative. I think it's always important to be honest. And something I really also think is important is, you know, if you're spending time with friends who feel like family, when you're honestly responding to the question, what are you doing for the holidays?

23:05You tell them I'm spending time with my family friends, my family of my friends. I'm so grateful because, you know, being specific and allowing people to know that there's a possibility of a new way to be in community with those you love and feel the feel the sense of family because that's the real juiciness of it it's that sense that feeling of family not that just kind of like blood and bone connection of family you might be letting them in on something new and you might be giving them permission to do that and so I think or or saying to someone like oh no I'm kind of like really just spending this time to myself to restore and watch my shows and just give to myself at a time where the world isn't kind of knocking on my door a lot.

23:52And I have this time of peace. I think the more we're honest about that, the more we give people permission to do with the holidays, whatever the hell they want to do with the holidays. There's not a right or wrong way to do the holiday season. And I believe that some of the best use of time for the holiday season is rest and restoration. So however you can get that and wherever you can get that, I think is the right place. Ways to get yourself out of a rut. Ruts are really funny because I do think that you can get yourself out of them and kind of a fake it till you make it way. Like you kind of just have to start going.

24:30I have a lot of friends. One of my very, very best friends has been moving through incredible grief over the past couple of months. And something I really admire about her is that she doesn't feel kind of better after the loss, but she's kind of just moving. She's giving to her body. She's giving to her spirit. She's kind of writing in her journal and she's planning out her days and she's kind of creating a structure that doesn't support devastation, if that makes sense. She's creating a structure that even if the feeling of being okay, or maybe even thriving, or maybe even having a good day is not there yet, the structure supports that.

25:19So all of the things, the way she plans out her life is, is one in which there is space for those things to arrive. And I think that that is really, really, really helpful when you're in a rut is to map out a way in which the feeling you really want has space to come to when it finally does. How do you manage emotional reactivity? I think even knowing it's something you can manage is really important. And I think it's different for everyone. I think some people need a long walk and I think some people need a mantra. I think some people need a mantra with others in order to create the space to think and process.

26:02Because no emotional reaction is incorrect. It's just unleashing unprocessed things on others is usually just not helpful. So I think if you can even create a mantra when you are feeling hot or whatever you're feeling to say, okay, give me some time with this. And you just have that mantra every time saying like, you know what, let me spend the day feeling through this. I think that's really helpful. I have that in my relationship with Simon where I'll say, you know, like, let me like kind of take some time to feel, feel through that or understand that. And, you know, setting even a deadline for when you're done so that you're kind of like, you're thinking or you're feeling on it doesn't turn into the silent treatment or whatever.

26:45I think that's helpful to say like, Hey, you know what, give me some space with this. Let's talk about it in the morning at breakfast I think is really helpful. Oh my God. That was the last question. Thank you all so much. That's a wrap on this. I'm so grateful not only for you tuning into this episode, but to the whole season, it has been a pleasure and a joy to do this. I'm so grateful to Gwyneth for asking me to join this family and community. It's taught me so much. It's made me laugh. It's made me cry. It's kind of been everything I hoped and more. And so I'm really excited to see you all in the new year.

27:33Bye-bye.