Gwyneth Paltrow x Halle Berry: Taking Back Your Power

28:27Like I was drinking multiple alcoholic drinks and like, you know, sugar and whatever, just like not, I was, you know, we were like cozy in the house and I was not on a wellness vibe at all. Nobody was during COVID. I mean, I started day drinking, which I never did. I would have, if I didn't have this company to run, I swear to God, like it was so nice to be in pajamas with a glass of wine. And, but afterwards at the end of the year, I felt so terrible. And so that's when I started doing a bunch of, you know, tests and trying to figure out what was happening. And I made a commitment at the beginning of 2021 to really clean up.

29:09And, and that's when I started addressing, I had really high levels of inflammation and leaky gut and all that stuff. And so I just went really hard at it. And that's when I went paleo and it's been amazing. I mean, I, you know, I was in Italy this summer and I ate pasta every day for the time I was there, but I, cause I think you also need to, you know, and I, and I don't mind now that I've started to feel like I raised my baseline health and I have more vitality and, and more energy. You know, if I, like last night I went out with my kids and my husband to Chinese food and I just like ate, you know, but I think it's about finding the balance.

29:47Like, you know, again, that you're kind of reverting to a baseline for me, any way of eating like whole proteins and foods and vegetables and just keeping it relatively clean. Like I'm never going to give up my coffee. I'm never going to give up my, you know, those things that really make me happy, especially if it's just once in a while, but it's incredible. It never ceases to amaze me the degree to which food can really be medicine or a toxin. Yes. And are you a person that, um, do you live to eat or eat to live? I live to eat, live to eat. I love food. I love to cook. I love to smell it. Like, you know, if I feel like nothing makes me feel happier than smelling onions, sauteing and butter, you know, I'm like, Oh, the world, they're all as well with the world.

30:40That's how I feel when I smell bacon. Same thing. Are you, do you, how about you? That's a good question. Live to eat or eat to live. I eat to live. I'm different. I'm not a foodie. I love onions too and oil and I love bacon, but I'm not a foodie. It's kind of a blessing in a way. I feel like my friends who aren't foodies like that, their minds are so freed up to think about other stuff. Like I'm already thinking, what am I going to make on the weekend? And what am I going You know, it's like, and I was reading articles about new restaurants in LA. I'm like such a dork. I know. I know. I feel bad that I'm not, I feel.

31:26Do you really enjoy it? Do you savor? Are you like, this is amazing. You're like, yeah, it's fine. This is my fuel. And like, what's the approach? I'm like, fine. This is my fuel. Like, Like, if you don't remind me to eat, I probably will forget. Sometimes my kids are like, mom, like on a weekend when there's no one here, but me and them, they'll say by three 30 mom, are we going to eat today or what's happening? And then I'm like, oh, oh, right. You guys, you know, okay. Yeah. Oh my God. And it's been like that since I had, my boy is nine and my daughter just turned 15. Oh my gosh. Wow. I know.

32:08How's that? Is she, I'm giving you any trouble or she threw her trouble? She's only giving me trouble really because she's going through puberty and I'm going through menopause. And so we are often like, you know, it's like, it's like a lot of feelings flying around here, but trouble, I won't say real trouble. She's got a very good head on her shoulders. she's 15 but she's still very innocent she's a very innocent 15 and she goes to laksa she goes to the performing arts school so she's all about her art she's a singer and a songwriter and a musician and so she's all about that and that takes up a lot of her time and her energy and her focus you know she doesn't have a lot of time with the school she goes to like to get into bad things and to be getting a lot of trouble so i'm lucky that way but she is going through a hormonal shift and, you know, she freezes us all out of the house.

33:03And even I who run hot all the time, she runs hotter than me. Right. And impressive. Yeah. She's fighty. You know, she's gets in her moods, but, but all in all, she's a really good, she's a really good kid. Right. And yours are off to college. Right. One is a sophomore in college. And then my son is a senior in high school as of this morning. Yeah. Wow. I did cry. I did sort of burst into tears when he left today, just cause it all is going so fast. It's just like, you're lucky that you have a nine-year-old. I mean, that's like, you got a ways to go. That's so, that's wonderful. You think? Yes.

33:45Yeah. I'm like, I I'm, I'm, I'm like, I wonder how long it's going to be until like my daughter and stepdaughter of grandchildren because then you know like just what i i love it's like yeah oh my god all gone by relatively quickly like i can't believe you have a child in college i just remember you i that's hard for me to believe i thought i had children before you which i know that's how that's hard for me to believe can i ask you a question just changing pack, like when I look back at the conversations that you've kind of brought to the forefront, I just, I really admire how you've used your platform always to talk about, you know, mental health and divorce and sexuality and sort of like me in a way, but you were before me in a lot of these things.

34:41Have you felt like, and I think sometimes, you know, when you want to create a space for people to have these conversations, like you can sort of put yourself in, in the middle of a fire in a way. Have you ever, have you ever felt that? Like when you've kind of talked openly about some of life's more difficult chapters, or have you felt like it's my duty to kind of, or I want to from some place inside me, like, you know, dispel this for other women, Like what's been the motivation there? Well, I guess the motivation has been the inability to go through anything in a private way. Yeah. I didn't ask for that, but that's always the way it's turned out.

35:28Finding a way to go through life's challenges privately always escaped me. So I felt I had to talk about it, whether I liked it or not. to sort of own it more or contextualize it more or make it your own? I think both own it and to contextualize it. Like I've always been, and this is something I've learned when I was a kid, I had a mentor who was my fifth grade teacher. She was a black woman. I went to a school of like an all white, pretty much school. And she was a black teacher. And she plucked me out realizing that I needed a mentor. I needed guidance. And one of the things she taught me at a, when I was 10 years old was to always take responsibility for my part in anything that has gone wrong, that there were, that, that was a powerful position to own your part in everything.

36:17You're not diminished by owning what you did wrong. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's a powerful, secure person that can own it. Right. So when all these things that have happened, And I felt it really important to own the mistake that I've made, my part in it. And that gave me a leeway to talk about what was really happening because I wasn't making myself the victim. Right. I'm just explaining what happened and what went wrong and giving context and contextualizing that for people. And it's something that I've felt gave me my power back in those situations. I didn't just allow myself to be defined by what a writer or an editor or what the culture was trying to say about me.

37:01I managed to take my power back and tell my story myself my way while owning my part in all of it. And it's been cathartic. It's been, you know, I'm not afraid of that. I'm not afraid of owning who I am and the good, the bad, the dirty. you know, that, yeah, we all have it, you know, we all face challenging times and we all make mistakes and we're all just here trying to figure it all out. Yeah. Right. Yeah, absolutely. And I don't know, for me, that vulnerability, like for me personally, bringing that into, you know, like a work conversation that I had right before I got on with you or, you know, in, in, in talking to my children and showing up in a vulnerable way and in, in accountability as much of the time as I can is, is so important because it just brings this softening to life and our hearts and our experiences with people, as opposed to like coming with againstness and, or, or victimhood, which I think really robs people of their power.

38:15And I'm not sure they're necessarily aware of that, but I think it does. It does. And I, and I feel really blessed that I learned that at such a young age from my, my teacher. That's been her name. What was her name? That teacher Yvonne Sims. And she is still, she's the godmother of my children. Oh, come on. become yeah here's what she did so she i met her in the fourth grade she was my teacher and then when i moved to the middle school all of a sudden first day of school i see her at the middle school and i'm like what are you doing here and she's like oh i'm now the counselor at the middle school so she was my counselor then at my middle school years then when i go to high school unbeknownst to me again, the first day of high school, guess who's there?

39:03And I'm like, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm now the guidance counselor. And guess what? I have A through D. So I'm your guidance counselor. I'm like, huh? So long story short, now that, you know, we're still in each other's lives. I said to her one day, I was like, isn't that interesting how that just happened? Like, you know, that was fate, like serendipity. And she was like, you think that just happened by mistake. I was following you all these years. I knew you needed me and she followed me. She followed me. Yeah, true story. And she knew that she would have all your potential, but I knew you needed to be held because of my, my, my family, my growing, my lack of guidance in my home.

39:51She's like, I knew you needed to be held and we had a connection. Yeah. That is the most beautiful story. I know it's an incredible, and there are those people in the world, you know, that just care because they're built that way. They want something in return. There's these exceptional people that do move through the world, and she's one of those people. It's important to remember that too, you know, especially in this day and age when we're bombarded with so much negativity and you can lose some faith in humanity sometimes. It's so beautiful to hear a story like that, like someone who chooses to be a guardian angel in that way.

40:34Yeah. Yeah. And, and then, you know, I've learned since then she's done it to, you know, for countless other students. I got, I thought I was somehow special. you're not the only one oh you're doing this for every all these kids now but but that's just who she is that's that's what makes her that's her so are there other fields you want to try or is there like some project or even movie or is there anything that you haven't done yet that you dream about at night? I think it's what I'm, what I'm onto now. I'm re-imagining my company, my brand of re-spin. I would love to come back and talk to you about that when I really do it.

41:22Please. We've had some, I know, you know, some people that was involved with it before. So we've had some real, and you know, this being, you know, running goop. and I'm sure you've had this there have been some dark days when you're trying to build something from the ground up and you're trying to figure it out and there's no path forward and and and what I've loved about you is though and you've been someone that I've looked to and you've provided me great inspiration because I love that you've always stayed your course you've always stayed true to what you believe no matter what anyone says about what you're doing you stay true to you and I have mad respect for that because that's what it takes.

42:07You have to be unflappable in what you believe and you can only be unflappable when you know who you are and you know what you believe and you know why you're doing what you're doing. Yeah. And I respect you so much. Thank you. I really, you know, am inspired by what you've built and what you're continuing. Thank you. I'm still here, you know, as, as much like on terms, like that's what's amazing on your own fucking terms, you know? And when I see another woman doing that, like, it's like, yeah. I mean, I think I really do think that's how the pH of the world changes for the better, you know, it's like when women can be truly connected to themselves.

42:52And it's funny, you know, I think Like sometimes people look at the wellness world or whatever people think that, you know, we're up to from the outside and think, oh, you know, it's, it's trying to suggest that we're not whole. And it's like, that's exactly the opposite of what my mission is. Like, I want every woman, especially every person, but every woman to be able to connect with who she is like, and to love who she is come what may and act from that place of like full integration. And that to me is actually what true wellness is, is just being radically yourself. Yes. Unapologetically yourself and realize that you deserve to put yourself first.

43:41Yes. No. And I think as women, we get taught that everyone else has to come before us, right? Or as mothers, our kids have to come before us. And I can honestly say I come before my kids because if I'm not my best self, I can't be anything for them, right? So there are moments when I have to put myself before them so that I show up and be complete and whole and well, and impart on them the best of what I am, right? What is an example of that? I need some work there. So like, tell me how you, what is an example of where you would put yourself before them so that you can show up in a more whole way?

44:19Like there have been times when I've had to say, you know what guys, I have to check out of here, right? They might've been in the middle of like, my daughter had her, her spring concert and it happened to fall at a time when I knew that my own wellness was more important than me going and seeing her concert. I knew that I could get that videotaped and I could see that and I could be a part of it. But that my own wellness in that moment trumped coming and sitting in an auditorium and watching her sing. I got a lot of shit for that from people in my life. How could you miss that? How could you?

44:58I said, because I had to miss that because I had to go deal with myself in that moment. Too bad that my need and her concert collided at the same time. Sometimes I get to choose myself because there's been so many times when I've gone and done things. And I have put that before what my needs were. I've passed up on jobs that I really needed to go do. I wanted to go do and I needed to do to take care of my family. But something was happening with my children in a real significant way. And I thought now's not the time to leave my kids. They're going through something. And so I have to pass on something I really wanted to do and something that we needed to do.

45:36Like I needed to earn money for our family. but I passed on that and I figured out another way to skin that cat because my kids needed me. So there are times when I don't do that, but I'm also not ashamed of the times when I do have to put myself. Yeah. Why do you think we feel comfortable judging women for making those kinds of choices? Like, where does anybody, you know, it's like the person in your life who said to you, like, how could you do that? Like, I just wonder where that, like what we're projecting on another mother or why we feel the need to make judgments about how other women are showing up for their kids or.

46:20You know, that's a good question. I don't really know the answer, but I feel like it's something to do with how men have characterized who we are through their lens. Right. And I think we have been from the beginning of time supposed to be the caregivers and the nurturers, which we are. But what we're learning is that we're more than that. We're not only that. That's a big part of who we are. And that's what I think makes men and women sometimes very different. But we're more than that. And I think we've been reduced to being that. So when we ask to put ourselves before our children, that has felt like sacrilegious.

47:04That's felt like something that we're just not supposed to do. Right. And we're deemed and we're judged because of that. because every woman I talk to understands what I just said. They might be embarrassed to admit they would love to do that or that they have done that or that they wish they could do that because they wouldn't want to be judged or wouldn't want to be, you know. Yeah. But they seem to really understand the need to do that. And it's no different than that old thing when on the airplane, take care of yourself first before you put the, it's the same theory, You know, it is in theory, the same theory, but when we actually do it in real life, I think it causes people to pass a lot of judgment and question your motherhood or how committed you are.

47:51But you're also in that moment modeling something really important for her, which is, you know, you've seen your whole life that I've made sacrifices for you and you come first. But if there's ever a day where I need to come first because it's cataclysmic, I am going to put myself first and that's what you should do too. Yes. And that's very important for mothers to model for daughters and also mothers to model for their sons so that they can also rethink how they see women in the world. Yes. Very, very important. And I think self-care like this is taught. It needs to be taught at an early age.

48:30I didn't get taught that. I'm sure you didn't get taught that. So it's something that we as modern women, I think, do have to pass down to our children. Yeah. And I think, I don't know, I think as mothers in this generation, we have to be so intentional or I find myself, I should say, being so intentional about, you know, this particular time in time and space that we're raising children in, you know, the shift in consciousness. I mean, I don't think, I don't know how your parents were, but my parents didn't spend a lot of time sort of contemplating parenting strategies and, you know, like, no, I'm getting a no from you.

49:10No, not at all. So is that, has that, you know, do you feel like you are, or I should ask you like, how has your upbringing, how, how did that shape the way you approach parenting? Do you feel like you have given it a lot of thought and you're strategic about it. Like, how do you approach it? I have given it a lot of thought because I grew up, I was a latchkey kid. I think we know better. We do better. Parenting was way different when we, you know, my mother was like, go find something to do, go find some fun, go make some business. There were no play dates. There were no scheduling anything for me.

49:50It was very much in her day and time, as long as she was providing food and shelter and clothing. She was doing her job as a parent. And she's not wrong. Those are really important jobs that parents need to do for their children, but we know better. So we do better and we've evolved and we now understand there's a lot more to parenting than just that. So I do, I've read so many books on the subject. When I was pregnant, I realized that I had to do better than my mother. I thought I had a great relationship with my mother, but now looking at the relationship I have with my children, I don't think I did have such a great relationship.

50:29We had a relationship, but it's nowhere near what I have with my children today. Children were seen and not heard back then. Now, all I do is want to hear my children. All I want to do is hear what they have to say and understand how they're feeling. That's not meaning be their best friend, but it also means being their advocate, right? And understanding who they are and how they learn and how they think, you know, including them in the conversation, always their opinion matters. Like these were things that, you know, this wasn't a part of my, my growing, you know? And so I've made a conscious effort to break that cycle and raise my children differently.

51:09How are you kind of coping with this landmine of, you know, social media with, I don't, I'm trying, I mean, it's, it's, it's also new. I think our kids are the first truly like digitally native generation and they've come into puberty, adulthood, et cetera, with this landscape of what everybody thinks. And do you let them be on social media? Are they impacted by it? How do you, how do you navigate that? Yeah, I think they're very impacted by it. And I had this thought that I wasn't going to let my daughter on and I didn't, she didn't get a phone and she didn't get on social media until she was 13 and a half.

51:51She must have been pissed. She was, but I would tell her you're going to have your whole life, honey. Let, let, let, you know, wait a few years before you start because that, that you can't go back from that. Right. Exactly. So she did do it like there's always been securities around it. She doesn't have a public account. She doesn't post herself. We have rules about how she engages on there. We talk very openly about who she's talking to. I've told her all the ways that people try to poach children and how it becomes inappropriate and what to look out for, what to do, what to not do. And I knew that she had to be a part of her generation because this is what everybody's doing.

52:42And I can't stop that, nor do I want to, this is the world she's grown in, whether I like it or not, this is what it is. But I knew that I had to also empower her with knowledge. I had to stay close to her. We had to talk about it. We had to share it. I couldn't freak out if she did something that was totally the thing I told her not to do. I had to say, okay, okay so you did that thing i told you not to do it turned out boobies out and bikinis or something well just know having conversations with people like she would do this thing well you know they're 12 i'm 13 and they're only 12 honey no they're probably 40 yeah i told you not to do this you know so it was getting her to realize the real dangers without scaring the shit out of her but also getting her to be mindful to trust that i was saying was true to have her be educated in space and like what's going on putting time limits on how often you can do it you know times of day you can do it like letting her do it but just being thoughtful about it not just letting her have free putting some you know devices on the phones that stop from going to certain platform you know what i mean like doing you know secret mom stuff that sort of guided it.

54:02Yeah. And my son's not on it at all. He's nine. He could care less about it right now. And I love that he's not even, he could care less. And that's a good thing. And one day that'll change and we'll deal with it. But for right now, he's. Can I ask you one last question? I went so fast, Hallie. I know. I'm so happy to talk to you. I'm so happy to talk to you. do come back when you relaunch we'll we'll do part two um but I would love to know this is something that I'm wrestling with right now like what does your talk to yourself sound like at age 57 you know as you are now having learned all the things that you've learned with hopefully a lot of life left.

54:52Like, are you nice to yourself or nicer than you were? Like, what is, what is, what is the, what are the voices inside of your head say to you about you? I do think I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm kinder, more kind is a better way to put it to myself than I ever used to be. Like I said, when I started this interview, I have zero fucks to give. I now know that I can be my authentic self in every situation. I no longer have to be that dancing bear. I don't have to make people feel comfortable. I always know my intention and it's never to hurt anyone, but I have a right to be who I am. And I have a right to not allow myself to be hurt.

55:40I have a right to call bullshit when I see it. I went on this trip to India, to Kerala, and I had my third eye opening and the shawami told me this is going to change your life it's going to be the greatest things that ever happened to you and it's going to be the hardest because you will no longer be able to stay silent you're going to see things now and you're going to have to act and that will be a blessing and a curse for you and nothing has been more true since that happened five years ago nothing has been more true and i've accepted that and when you get to be 57 years old you're often the oldest person in any room that you find yourself in.

56:20And that's a very comforting feeling. Very good feeling. Yeah. It's like that entering that phase of life where you're the wise older woman, you know, who's truly yourself authentic and. And you have experience to back it up. I'm just pulling things out of my ass. I can tell you a story about anything you want to ask me. I I have a story that I've been through. I've survived that, or an experience that was amazing and that was life-changing that opened my eyes or, you know, the life is full. The life has been full and long and I have all of that to draw from. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thank you very much.

57:07And, you know, your beauty is actually like the least interesting thing about you.

57:16thanks for listening to my conversation with Halle Berry to learn more about Pendulum Therapeutics head over to PendulumLife.com thanks for tuning in this has been a presentation of Cadence 13 Studios I hope you'll listen follow rate and review all of our episodes which are available for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey or wherever you get your podcasts Thank you.