Harnessing Your Professional Power (with author Lauren Wesley Wilson)

0:03Don't hold anything too tightly. Just wish for it, want it, let it come from the intention of real truth for you and then let it go. For me, our soul is like it's unbound. It's limitless. But we will use words to limit ourselves. When people stop believing that somebody's got your back or Superman's coming, we turn to ourselves. And that's where you become empowered. Courageous participation attracts positive things. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow, and this is the Goop Podcast, where we bring together visionaries, scientists, healers, artists, and seekers. I'm so grateful that I get to interview these extraordinary thought leaders and share their wisdom with you.

0:51And I love listening to the conversations that are led by my co-host and dear friend, Cleo Wade. Cleo is a beautiful poet and author. I deeply admire her and the way she keeps her heart open to the world. Together, we believe that engaging in open-minded, honest, and sometimes difficult conversations has the power to change our lives. All right, over to Cleo. Today's guest is Lauren Wesley Wilson. Lauren is the founder and CEO of Colorcom, a network for women of color in the workforce. She is also the author of What Do You Need? a book about what she thinks women of color need to know in order to thrive on their professional journeys.

1:36In our conversation, Lauren shares stories about her own work experiences and what led her to founding ColorCom. Okay, let's get to my chat with Lauren Wesley Wilson.

1:49I'm really excited to talk about this book because I was lucky enough to read it very, very early so that I could blurb this book. And I think that it's such an important way to share all of the various ways we can turn our skills into offerings to others. And it's a really, it's just a beautiful and really important reflection. So thank you so much for joining. Yeah, thank you. Feels very full circle. I know. Okay, so let's jump right in. How did your work as a former communications strategist at a crisis firm and media strategist for the Obama reelection campaign and communications director on Capitol Hill.

2:36How did all of this lead you to ColorCom? You know, ColorCom, I think, is such an incredible cultural reference point for so many. And it's really somehow relatable and aspirational. And you feel that everyone who is in that community is really there for kinship and sisterhood and such a supportive network. And I think that that is only possible when it begins in the leadership space at the very top. And so I want to talk about the culture of ColorCom. And I also want to talk about how your previous experiences in these places led you here. Well, actually, those jobs that you mentioned, I was already doing ColorCom when I worked in those roles.

3:21So 13 years ago, I started ColorCom over a lunch and I was working in an environment that did not have people of color and leadership. And through my experiences, work experience wise, I navigated all these different things professionally and had all this different experience while at the same time growing the business of ColorCom, which I didn't know at the time was going to be what it is today. But I was growing the community and taking the connections and the people I've learned in my professional life and transferring them back to ColorCom. So working on Obama's reelection campaign in the state of Florida and working on Capitol Hill and those experiences, so many of those people I met along the way were part of the ColorCom community.

4:10We're speakers. We're board members. We're involved early on. and early on we started Color Calm as a luncheon. It was a meal to gather women of color in the business of communications, marketing, advertising, and digital and the real goal behind this was not to come together and talk about being othered all the time. It was really to come together and find opportunities for opportunity and for a new business and to learn how we can grow at our companies and what should we be doing differently to add value and how can we be exchanging information with one another so ultimately we could grow and advance and the whole goal was how do we build community with each other because a lot of us had similar experiences but it was like okay we have similar experiences we're one of the few people of color in our organizations but like what's next like we know that we have challenges but okay what's next because like how are we going to be able to we can still advance in systems that aren't designed for us we just need to learn the playbook and the rules to be able to do that.

5:17Well, I think what's so cool about these, all of your experiences is that, you know, ColorCon, which is a, I would say, so such a purposeful work for you and so meaningful. And some people would have called that a side hustle. Right. And I think that women often we are not just women, but people in general, we talk about how, you know, if you're doing one thing, I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine who's wants to write a book and she was like, Oh, but I have this and this and this going on work. And it's like, I said to her, I was like, you know, writing a book is almost always a parallel path experience.

5:54And we don't have to diminish it by calling it a side hustle or something. Cause I think sometimes energetically we diminish this great goal we have when really we're calling on ourselves to have this expansive energy to say, I'm taking everything I'm doing. and you're such an incredible example of this. I'm taking everything I'm doing in all of these spaces and I'm creating a parallel path where what I'm learning and what I'm seeing and what I'm doing is harnessing and creating space for others who may be doing the same thing. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like it's, it all goes, it's like transferable and applicable.

6:28It like all goes hand in hand. But I think back in those days, it kind of almost was a side hustle because I think at the time I didn't have intentions for it to be like a profitable business. And where it was back then was structured differently than where it is now. And so, you know, I had a full-time job back then and did all these different things and really just went to lunch with people in the industry who had similar experiences but wanted to figure out how we could advance in the workplace and add more value to where we are. And so then it evolved into a professional membership organization, structurally with the board, paying dues, conferences, and a variety of different initiatives.

7:09And then now under the brand, we consult and work with clients on communications and marketing strategies. So it is a very different business than where it was, but anything that, you know, becomes bigger has to start small. So that's where we were. What advice would you give to women who, you know, may think that they have a seed right now in their lives that has the potential to become something else. Was it the feedback you were getting at the luncheon that made you feel that it could grow or that this could be something more than a kind of, you know, annual gathering that you do as service work almost?

7:45Yeah. So we did quarterly luncheon. So we gathered four times a year and what was a transformative experience. It sounds very basic on the surface. We gathered for lunch with women in the industry sounds very basic, but it was more than that. And so when we gathered, it was women who had never met before, who had never knew each other existed. All of a sudden we're gathering for a meal, but what's different than a lot of times we go to panels, we go to luncheons, we go to experiences where there's a featured speaker and we're solely focused on the person speaking. We're missing out on each other in the room.

8:16We don't even know each other's names. We don't even know where we work. We don't even care. We're focused on like the biggest person, the most important person in the room has got to be the speaker. I'm going to go wait in line and get their information, et cetera, et cetera. But what we did differently, and that's why it was very experiential and very important at the time and impactful, is that we made the attendees and the guests feel like the main event, you know, the cliched word, the main event. We turned it around on them. And so we asked this question, which I wrote a whole book on and what the book is about, is what do you need?

8:48So we each had the opportunity to go around and introduce ourselves, but then answer and ask, what do you need with this whole goal of someone in the room has something to give and something to receive. And that networking, which most people hate that word and that experience, can truly be quick and mutually beneficial. A lot of times when we go to events, we're seeking mentors or seeking people to help guide us. And whatever we have that burning desire to get that question or challenge resolved is stalled. It's stalled because by the time we find the person that we really want to connect with, that person already has a slew of people that they're already connecting with.

9:30That person already has a slew of mentees. So to get time with that person, it's going to be about three to six months from now. And so whatever you have that burning desire, you have now had to resolve that on your own because you didn't have the moment to be able to connect with that person. And like you had to figure it out on your own, whether you went in a good direction, you trusted your gut, whether you went in the opposite direction. And so I think the whole goal, though, is when we gathered is to say, like, let's cut let's cut through it all. What do you need right now? And the needs ranged.

10:01It ranged from I need a contact at The New York Times to I'm on the hook to bring in a client for my company to I just moved to Washington, D.C., where I lived at the time. I'm looking for a hairstylist. Like we got these needs answered pretty quickly. And I think that also allowed for connection to be exchanged a lot faster because we're vulnerable and we all were honest. And that way those people in the room were able to help each other because that's essentially what we were looking for. I mean, so many of us go to these things looking for guidance and guidance was like achieved in that afternoon.

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11:48Do you think a big part of creating opportunity for vulnerability is setting the tone in the room before to kind of make the intention of the space clear? You know, I just think about how many of us go places. And if we don't know, you know, necessarily the why or our why, and then there's this, as you were saying, this kind of intimidation factor and the idea that you were really able to kind of dissolve that is I think one of the really magical parts of, of your community. And so for any other woman who is trying to gather or do, what advice do you have to her on how, you know, is it, do you have that announcement at the beginning?

12:28to you? You know, what is kind of the 101 as someone who is such a pro at gathering people to have these, you know, kind of interactions that would be transactional, but because there is a shared common goal for, you know, elevating and, you know, taking everyone across the finish line with you, you know, how do, how do we do that better as women and what instructions would you give to someone? I would say like have your own intention and have your own goals for why you're showing up. And if you don't really know, then maybe you shouldn't show up. Some of us don't always have the answers, which I completely understand, but I think it is having some sort of like why, you know?

13:12And I think that's something that, you know, I always encourage, like when we go to things like this, like some things that are like out of your comfort zone or things that maybe a friend recommended you go, like go early. Sometimes we think we should go late, but you never know who you're going to miss if you show up late. But if you show up early, you can always leave early. And so many people are there on the earlier side that I think it's just so important to show up early for things like this. And then also, I mean, understanding that a lot of people are there, have the same, probably similar goals that you do.

13:46And so I know that most environments aren't created to start asking transactional questions like what do you need let's help each other but I think with color com it was it wasn't like you're gonna get your need that moment and you go home it was the intention of like we're gonna stay connected like I know how I can help you you know how you can help me let's stay connected because now we have some shared interests in common when you go to events you hear people speaking you don't get a chance to have conversations that are authentic you don't get a chance to understand people's shared interest.

14:17You're just kind of all there. And then you have to like do a lot more work. You have to go around and introduce yourself if it doesn't call for an environment such as that. Something that's also cool about getting places early is that you tend to like find a little buddy early. And I think that for introverts, especially, it's really helpful to have that person who's like, oh, can I sit with you? Or we can, we get to sit together or you kind of get, can have an earlier bond because you met before there's the large group. So I always see that there's people who can cannonball underwater and there's people who need to take the steps into the pool.

14:52And so I do think getting there early also really provides that for introverts. I agree. I totally agree. I really, I want to talk about goal setting. You know, I'm sure this, you get this question a lot, which is what would you tell your 22 year old self about your career? because I know that when you were working at your PR firm early on, your goal was to be in a VP position by age 30. And you write, I mean, I love the way you write about community and goal setting and supporting others. And I think for a lot of us, we set goals before we understand the world very well. And then we get really down on ourselves and they aren't met because we probably had unrealistic expectations.

15:35And sometimes I think the biggest unrealistic expectation is our own growth and change in desires and reckoning with that. But I'd love for you to talk to me a little bit about goal setting. I think it's important to have some goals. I mean, I think it's so important to work towards something. You know, I think that if you work towards something, you are better fulfilled along the way. Now in my book, What Do You Need? I talk about my goal of being, you know, trying to achieve being a 30-year-old vice president. And I'm so glad I didn't because I far exceeded anything I could have ever envisioned for myself.

16:15And I, you know, far exceeded those financial salary requirements and all of that. But that at the time was a really big goal. And I laugh because, you know, the work that I do is so different now. And when I was 29, I left that space to run ColorCom full time. And so ColorCom had been around for 13 years, but nine of those years I ran it full time. And so those other years I was working for someone else and working on ColorCom. So I think that, you know, I'm so happy that my path went in that direction, but I had goals for ColorCom as well. And I had, you know, and I think that writing it down is important, the power of writing it down.

17:03It could change, it could vary, it could get better than what you expect. you know having a salary goal in mind I think all those things are important if you are looking to move up and accelerate in your career I mean if you're if you're fine where you are and you don't want to move up relatively fast then none of this really applies to you but if you are ambitious and you're saying okay I want to move up I want to have a portfolio meaningful experiences I want to be able to learn I want to be able to make great money where I am and where I work then you have to write it down and you want to give yourself a timeline to be able to achieve that.

17:42Do you think that there's, or did you ever experience grieving a goal? Do you know, like, was there that, cause I think for some, so many people, you know, we have this moment where if we have been running parallel paths and we do want to make the jump to, from, you know, to more entrepreneurial role or something that is more our passion project or when the side hustle. We want to be the main hustle or whatever that language is. I think other people who may be listening who are on the fence or trying to figure these parts of themselves out and having also a spiritual and personal and emotional reckoning with these things, were there moments?

18:20Did you feel that there were whispers within you that were like, it's time, it's time, or we can let go of this goal? Because I think it is really hard to, if you've been focused on something and build towards it for so long. I think people really struggle with giving it all up to kind of go into, and entrepreneurial work always feels unknown. Yeah, there's been plans that didn't work out. I've had big ideas that I put everything into. I launched a media site a few years ago, and it just didn't work out. I mean, we had investors, but I didn't have the proper structural team. And so it just wasn't sustainable.

18:56In roles that are more visible, it sucks to fail when more people see you fail. Sometimes you can quietly fail or you could publicly fail. It was the moderate, you know, some people knew, some didn't know in my case. But I mean, yeah, I mean, there are plans that don't work out and you, you know, you're sad about it and you kind of replay what could have gone differently but I think the overall mentality is I think that you just want to keep going like things aren't going to always go the way that you planned all the time and you're not going to get everything that you want but I think that if you keep going and you keep moving forward like you're going to get most things.

19:37A lot of times we give up we like quit we're like we're ashamed we quit we go into hiding we go into mourning and then we're not moving forward and you just want to keep moving forward you know get back up if you fall off type thing and are those things that you know or do you have kind of methods or types of you know is it relying on your community of your girl you know when we get up sometimes it's hard for us to get up on our own and so you know what are some of the ways you know if you have recovered from a career setback or failure or you know when you say Because keep going is can feel kind of like abstract, right?

20:17Because we're like, you do need to keep going. And then sometimes it's hard to keep going when you're lost. Right. And so, you know, have you found that there were power and pause or is that when you turn to a mentor? One thing that's been helpful in my career journey is having a career coach, which I always recommend any ambitious woman person with big goals to invest in that and to invest in coaching because I don't know anyone that is super successful without it. And so it, that can help. And it's equivalent to like therapy, right? Like you're going through things or you're not going through things, but you need someone to talk to life is hard.

20:56It goes up and down. I mean, that's kind of like in business, like life in business can be challenging. It's political. There's a lot of different nuance things. Sometimes you get it. Sometimes you don't. And I think what a career coach does is help point out the kind of flaws in your holes that you can't see that maybe others can see in you, but you can't see. And so being able to work with someone and talk with someone who is a professional in that space can help you in challenging times. Friends are tough. Like we all like like to go to our friends and like for a voice and just a vent. but they're so tough sometimes because they don't think the way you think.

21:36They don't have the experiences that you have. They don't have the goals that you have. And so advice can be helpful depending on the friend or it could set you back depending on the friend. And so friends are challenging. And I think that, you know, just like, you know, people go to professionals when they're dealing with depression or other things. And I recommend the same thing. you don't have to be dealing with depression and business, but challenges, successes, wanting to grow and advance. I mean, I would, I don't, I would recommend that for sure.

22:18Have you ever hated a job? Like, yes. Do you ever feel, did you ever feel like you had to just kind of like make sense of the work to get through it? You know, what do you like, what is that? I hated my job on Capitol Hill. I'll say that. I hated my job on Capitol Hill. I work for a Texas congresswoman, rest in peace. She has passed away recently, but I hated my job on Capitol Hill. I would call everybody crying and saying, I hate this job. And part of the reason why I hated it was because I really didn't have the experience. I came in at that time with what they would call a high level position.

22:54And I was a young person doing the job. I was in my mid 20s. And I was a communications director, but I had never worked on Capitol Hill. And most people around me had, they had interned on Capitol Hill, they had started off in a more junior level position. And they kind of understood the politics because there's politics in politics. And I didn't, I did not. I did not. I came from a corporate background at that time. And I thought just like two plus two equals four. Let's get the job done. I didn't think about so much of politics is nuanced. So much is about positioning. So much is about delivery.

23:36So much is about, you know, sucking up to your boss, so to speak. I was trying to be PC about it, but so much is like kissing ass and doing those things. And you need to know that, you know, like you need to understand like hierarchy and what to do and when. And I didn't understand. I thought it was just like about the job. And so it's the same thing that I talk about. It's soft skills. I just didn't apply it or know it in that environment. And talk to me about soft skills versus hard skills. Soft skills is everything that is not on paper. It's nuance. It's how you speak to your manager. It's when you ask for things.

24:15So much of this generation, Gen Z, we talk a lot about it, and asks for things too soon. And so knowing when the right time is to ask for things. So not asking for perks and special accommodations before delivering on a work assignment or before showing that you can produce good work. And so, so much of soft skills is understanding the unwritten rules on how to kind of navigate your workspace and play the game, so to speak. I read this book, God, like 15 years ago called the, how should I call it? It was maybe the fire starter or something. It's like an old kind of well-known self-help book, but it is mostly for kind of like business and hiring strategies.

25:00And they were saying that, you know, you have the soft skills. Those are for you and for your employer. Do you know what I mean? So it's not just so that you don't have conflict on their end where they're like, I can't believe you asked for that. But that's also how you kind of can gauge your own interest in something to say, like, I'm not going to like ask for too much up front because I want to, instead of getting everything and then having this added pressure and expectation and people have the resentment in a way of you being there, you get to also yourself, you get to kind of protect yourself in that also, not just protect your relationship with the possible employer, your other employees, if that makes sense.

25:37Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's tough because like I've been one of the reasons why I wrote the book is because I've been I'm on to been on both sides of the coin. So a lot of times we talk about like I've been that employee who's been a rock star, who's like succeeded and moved up. I've also been that employee who's been fired, who's been like not a value to their employer. and I've now I'm the employer and now I see things from a completely different lens so being an employer I see things that I could even see past mistakes that I made as an employee and we think when we are doing that like no one is watching like like employees think like I can tell this white lie I can call in sick I can and that no one's gonna catch me no one really has any proof And that's probably true.