In short
The Goop Podcast: Episode Summary
Episode Title Mila Kunis on Mom Guilt, Aging and Keeping it Real in Hollywood
Episode Description In this episode, Gwyneth Paltrow sits down with actress Mila Kunis to discuss the balancing act between motherhood and career, the challenges of aging, and the wellness practices that help her stay grounded.
Key Themes and Discussions
Balancing Motherhood and Career
- Spontaneity vs. Planning:
- Mila reflects on her experience living in London versus LA. She finds London more conducive to spontaneous outings with family.
- Mom Guilt:
- Mila discusses the pressure she feels to prioritize her children's needs over her own self-care, often feeling guilty for taking time for herself.
- Prioritizing Relationships:
- Both guests talk about the importance of nurturing friendships and relationships, especially during busy periods of life.
Wellness and Self-Care
- Importance of Self-Care:
- Mila emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-care activities, such as working out and spending time with friends, despite the guilt associated with taking time away from family.
- Gwyneth's Perspective on Self-Care:
- Gwyneth discusses her own struggles with guilt and the societal pressure women face regarding self-care, highlighting the need to prioritize one's own well-being.
Aging and Authenticity
- Thoughts on Aging:
- Mila shares her reflections on aging, discussing how societal perceptions can sometimes create insecurity but highlights the importance of embracing one’s authentic self.
- Keeping it Real in Hollywood:
- The conversation touches on the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in the face of Hollywood's pressures.
Cultural Identity and Background
- Mila's Ukrainian Heritage:
- Mila reflects on her Ukrainian roots and how they shape her identity and values, particularly in relation to family and culture.
- Navigating Cultural Differences:
- She discusses the challenges of assimilating into American culture while retaining her cultural identity, particularly in terms of language and upbringing.
The Entertainment Industry
- Collaboration and Work Environment:
- Mila expresses her desire to work with kind and collaborative people, emphasizing the importance of a positive work environment.
- Creative Aspirations:
- She shares her aspirations to work on projects that resonate with her values and interests, including a focus on character-driven narratives.
Key Takeaways
- The Need for Community: Both Mila and Gwyneth stress the importance of community and connection, especially among women.
- Self-Acknowledgment: There is a strong emphasis on the need for self-acknowledgment and celebrating small victories in daily life.
- Courage to Change: Mila’s journey showcases the courage it takes to prioritize personal happiness and make meaningful changes in one’s life.
Final Thoughts The episode concludes with an encouragement to embrace one's journey in navigating motherhood, career, and personal growth while remaining authentic. Listeners are invited to check out Mila's latest film, *Good Rich*, which highlights familial relationships and personal growth.
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Additional Resources
- Podcast Link: [Listen to the Episode](https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy)
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This summary encapsulates the essential discussions and insights shared by Mila Kunis and Gwyneth Paltrow, reflecting on the complexities of motherhood, self-care, personal growth, and the entertainment industry.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:02When you are pioneering anything or introducing new ideas to the culture, you get criticized. You do? Yeah. Did you hear about that? I didn't find the one. I found someone I respected and we made it the one. In a sort of longing kind of view of love, people understand each other as if by magic. Nothing in itself is addictive on the one hand. On the other hand, everything could be addictive if there's an emptiness in that person that needs to be filled. I now know that nobody changes until they change their energy. And when you change your energy, you change your life. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. This is the Goop Podcast, bringing together thought leaders, culture changers, creatives, founders, and CEOs, scientists, doctors, healers, and seekers here to start conversations because simply asking questions and listening has the power to change the way we see the world.
0:58Here we go. Hi everyone. And welcome back to the Goop Podcast. Today we have a guest I've been wanting to sit down with for a long time, the incredibly talented Mila Kunis. You know her from so many things, including that 70s show, Black Swan, and her latest project, Goodrich. Beyond her extensive acting resume, Mila is an incredible mom, wellness enthusiast, and someone who brings authenticity to everything she does. Today, we're diving into her journey of balancing motherhood and work, her thoughts on aging, and some of the wellness rituals that keep her grounded.
1:38So how is life? How are you? I haven't talked to you in a while. Life is good. Although I have to say, coming from London, well, you know, you lived in Europe for a minute. I have not. I didn't. So my whole thing was always like New York, L.A., when in my 20s. and then I was very much just LA. Yeah. And then I shot in London for two months. And when we came back, I had like a new like resurgence of just like wanting to live differently in LA that I found like it was easier to live and have fun and have more freedom in the UK than I do in LA. So life's actually really good, but I had like this big aha moment this summer.
2:17What did you learn in London and how have you applied it to your LA life? there's certain things that I love that I don't have which is accessibility to walking like I live behind a wall behind a gate behind a gate right if I walk out of my house I'm I'm in no man's land like it's not like I can just like take a stroll into the grocery store whatever and I love living in London because I can my husband I can walk out of the door the kids everybody we can just walk out and go and have the greatest experience that was spontaneous and fun. And we didn't know where we would end up. And it was always so easy.
2:58And living in LA where I live, it feels so much more like you have to make a plan to go and do something. And the idea of going somewhere felt exhausting for me in LA and it didn't happen in London. I think, you know, that's, that is a big downside in LA. I think, you know, and why I always thought that I think I felt so lost in LA in my twenties. Cause when you're still trying to develop who you are, it's not throwing anything back to you. There's no input. It's like, there's no spontaneity. There's no like, oh, wow, look at, there's a gallery here. Let's pop in. Like it just, there's no choose your own adventure in that way.
3:37Yeah, yeah. So I decided to change that up. Also, I found that I was more spontaneous at hanging out with friends in London than I was in LA. That's so interesting. What neighborhood were you living in? I lived in two neighborhoods. I lived in Regent's Park. Nice. Beautiful. Because you can walk to Camden, you can walk to Primrose Hill. You can walk anywhere. And then we moved into a little country by the studios in a place called Rixmansworth, which I have to tell you I loved. Shout out to Rixmansworth. It's like a little tiny town and we had an amazing home and you can walk from the house alongside this river into town.
4:20Beautiful. I mean, it was picturesque. It's very charming. I mean, the UK does charm in a way that I think no other country does. Yeah, I agree. What were you doing? I was shooting the third installment of the, it's like Knives Out, Glass Onion. Amazing. Was it fun? Yeah, because it was great. First of all, it's fun because these movies are so big anyways. They're just so wild that you're just like, what a ridiculous, like it's so great to be a part of it. But also it makes it really fun. You'll appreciate this. Is it's a giant cast. Yeah. So you're, you don't, you don't work all day, every day.
5:02I mean, I didn't, right? There was some actor that did, but I was not that actor. So majority of us work like, but anyway, I love working. This is not poo-pooing and working, but I had the greatest schedule. I mean, I had, I lived the dream. I was on hold all the time. Sometimes I was on set and just hanging out. Sometimes I was shooting. Sometimes I wasn't. It was like the greatest gig on the planet. It was a bit, it's a big cast. It's a giant cast. Right. Did you make friends? I did. I really did. And it's, you know, later in life, you're like, I don't actually need more friends. I need to prune some out.
5:34I don't actually need more. Like I'm doing okay. But in this case, we all genuinely got along. Here's why. So we're all there all the time, but in a little room. So they all put us in one holding room together. So it was like seven, eight, nine of us pending on the day. And we were all like playing fat gammon together. Or one of the actors was doing a best man speech at a wedding. And so he was practicing for three weeks. There were so many things that would happen. So we all started a group chat. Like we all really genuinely became friends. I'll tell you a cute story. So Glenn Close is in the movie.
6:09Glenn and I did a movie together four years ago in LA, which was so fun. She played my mom. It was great. But in this movie, she does not play my mom. But anyways, so we lived across the street from each other. And Glenn and I are very close. And the kids love Glenn. And what ended up happening was they would knock on her door and be like, Glenn, do you want to come out and play? I swear to God. Because she was like the sweet lady across the street that would go on walks with them with her dog. and they were like, we're going to go ask Glenn if she wants to come on a walk with us. And I was like, that's sweet.
6:41I thought that was really sweet. I was like, that's so funny. You know, your kids are going to grow up and be like, you know, we used to knock on Glenn closest door. They have a very surreal version. It is their life. There's no other, it's okay. It is what their life is. But it's really, you want to tell you a really funny, weird little story. So I don't anymore, so I can talk about this. I used to live next door to Katy Perry. Okay. and Katie, the kids always knew Katie as Katie, not a clue about anything. Okay. For years, it was 4th of July one year. We were, our family was in town from a different state.
7:18And I had my nieces in town who were like 10, 12 at the time. And Katie was there and they lost their mind. It was the first time Wyatt was like, I don't know. Like she couldn't, it was the first time it's ever happened, but now she's much better. But she was like, why are they free? I don't understand what's happening. They were like, Wyatt, don't you understand that's katie perry and why it's like i know she's so nice she lets like she's like has this whole other story to tell them and then they're like no you don't understand and then they told her and then she came to me was like did you know that katie perry is a singer and i was like yeah yeah so that was like her first weird when she was probably five years old moment in time when she was like hmm one of these things is not like the other is very so funny i mean it's it's interesting.
8:01I think like, it's a question people ask me a lot. And I presume ask you a lot, like, what is it like for your kids? And, you know, growing up with all these people around and, and, and to, to a certain extent, I sort of had that childhood too. And it's like, yes, it is objectively very weird in the broader scheme of things, but it, it, it just, if your neighbor's Katy Perry and you're four years old, like, you know, that's just a fact of life, right it's like you're not gonna they don't really they don't think about it they just don't yeah like they they it is their norm and by the way we have people that they love like my son loves mr beast okay so if mr beast were to walk in here he would lose his mind he'd be starstruck he would be starstruck 100 but there's plenty of people he doesn't care about that have come over all the time that he doesn't really even think.
8:58Yeah, it is interesting. I mean, I think I asked, I actually asked my son about this the other day. I was in a restaurant last night. I actually ran into Jack Antonoff and my son loves him and loves bleachers and loves him as a producer and loves him as a songwriter and everything. And I was like, Jack, I got to take a selfie of us to send to my kid, you know? And, and, and I was talking about it with, with Moses and, you know, he's like, he knows how weird it is. Like he understands that his exposure to people that are so inspiring to him and all that, like, it's just not normal. And, you know, he, he completely gets that, you know, having grown up in the midst of whoever.
9:43Yeah. I think my daughter at 10 is now getting that it's not normal to have yeah exposures right that's a good word exposure to the yes let me ask you something because you said you know you've been used to living in LA and New York and like I'm so fascinated by the emigration like from because you you moved when you were seven is that right from the Ukraine yeah and do you so do you have memories of your home country and do you have memories of that migration? You know, what's funny is I, and I'm sure somebody smarter than I can, can deep dive into this. I think my memories are memories that I created from stories that my parents have told.
10:28So I don't know how much of it is truly my memory and how much of it are like fractional pictures that I have in my brain. And then the rest of it is filled in by stories that I heard. But I'd like to think that I have a memory of it. Well, I'll tell you this. We went back. So I came in 91. I came at the fall, right, when USSR fell. And we went back six years ago, seven years ago, Ashton and I and my mom and dad went back to Chernefti. I was shooting in Budapest at the time, which was only like an hour flight. And we were like, you know what, we should really go back to that town because I've never been there since, you know, like I, where am I, my, where's my grandma buried?
11:12Like weird. Like I was like, I just want to mark these things so that I know where, where everything is. So we landed and went to my house that I grew up in and I fully 100 % could have walked you blindly to my school. No problem. Wouldn't, it had no recollection of, I don't know a single street name, but I remembered how to get to the school and I can get to the main street from our house. So I clearly have some sort of memories. I did knock on the door and I was like, can I come in? And they're like, no. I was like, okay, that's fair. That seems very Ukrainian. Yeah. They're like boundaries, but boundaries, strong boundaries.
11:49Walls. I mean, I guess sort of following up from that, like, are, are there what you would characterize as Ukrainian cultural boundaries or like what, what, what does it mean to be Ukrainian? So when I grew up there, I wasn't Ukrainian. I was Russian. Oh, there's USSR. Right. Of course. So Ukrainian was a language. Well, also let me prefix. I'm also Jewish. This comes into a minute. So I was a Russian Jew. So I wasn't Ukrainian. It wasn't my number one language. It was my first language. Technically - Ukrainian was your first language or Russian? Russian. I think I left in second grade and it's when we started studying Ukrainian.
12:38So you start studying Ukrainian in second language. It's like a secondary language. And sorry to be ignorant, but how similar is Ukrainian to Russian? Not ignorant at all. Despite me wanting to say that it's similar, it's actually not similar. My mom speaks Ukrainian. And if she starts speaking it fast, I have not, I don't know. I can maybe pick out a word or two, but I have no idea what we're talking about. It is different. It's not like a dialect. Did she grow up with a Ukrainian identity with it? No. Okay. So was that. Going back to when USSR was USSR, it was like Romania, Poland. It was all under the same umbrella.
13:15Yeah. I'm a mishmash of all of that. My mom, I think, spoke Yiddish as her first language. Wow. I think so hers was a language that barely exists anymore, but that was her first language. And then I think she spoke a little bit, my grandpa spoke Polish as his first language. how do they get from there to LA? And I do want to go back to the values question also, just because I'm so fascinated by like the values that define a family. And sometimes I wonder if coming from, you know, such a different, like how that impacts the lens through which they see like the, you know, our culture and specifically the LA culture.
13:56My parents are very open-minded, right they assimilated really quickly to their credit like they really did so i i commend them for it because it's really hard to come from a communist country where everything's very isolated very small to come to la and be open-minded yeah and leaps and bounds they've made but to go very brave you know really brave to do that oh my brother made this joke because now i'm my mom's age when we came to the states somewhere right my brother remembers turning 43 i think is how old my dad was when we came here 44 and on his 44th birthday my brother's birthday he goes you know what's funny is dad had the courage to move us across the world without the internet without anything with no self like this idea of people there's no google then this existed blindly moved the whole family didn't speak a word of english and he was like and i'm too scared to move my family to Thousand Oaks.
14:48I was like, we're all, we're in a bubble of a lot of things. So my parents, to go back to values. Okay. I'll back this up for you to give you like the long, I'll combo the question of my, so my family was in the Holocaust. Okay. So a large portion of my family perished in the Holocaust and a large portion survived. So when you survived the Holocaust, you went one of two ways. You either became very religious and you double down on the religion or you went away from religion and doubled down on the culture and the family values, but you were like, I'm done with this religion. And my family split into two.
15:25So I was raised Jewish by culture, very much so. So my values are more rooted in that than they are in Eastern European, the Jewish aspect of life. Which you would define how, just like in a few words. Very family, very close knit family, for better or for worse. Like you grew up, you only trust your family. Blood is thicker than water. And like all of that. I mean, since then I've, I've, we've evolved, we have, and I'm like, listen, some blood is pretty, is pretty watered down. Let's just be like, I get, I get the sentiment, but some of it's a little, we got to get rid of some of it. So, but the idea was you stay close, you stay small, you stay close, you.
16:04You don't think that the protected thing is more like an Eastern European then you know what I mean? I don't know. I maybe it might be. I, because like, I, I, I mean, this is just total conjecture and me talking out of my ass, but when I think about, you know, or what I've learned or observed from understanding Eastern European culture is there's like a strength, a boundary, a protection. And I would imagine it comes from communism where you can't have, you're not supposed to have spirituality and, and, and free thought. Right. And it's sort of like, so you have to protect your inner life so strongly.
16:40Like I always find, like I always encounter that sort of like boundary, I would say around more commonly. Probably. I think that maybe the idea to speak your mind is more accepted in Eastern European cultures. Like there's passive aggressive behavior is very uncommon. Interesting. I found. So like I had to work on myself and realize that not everybody likes other people to be as direct as I at times can be. I think it's cool. Like I, I really like how direct you are and I think it's inspiring, especially because like I was so socialized and so many of my peers we're so socialized not to be direct.
17:26And I always like, sometimes, you know, you'll say something and it's like, wow, like, okay, that she really fucking just said that. And I, I'm get really inspired by it. That's nice. Keep in mind, this is me working on it. This is my version of like restraint. Right. And I, my daughter is I have it. And at home, I speak my mind all I'm the most community here's the here's the benefit you will never question what I'm feeling I'll never leave you in a doubt I promise you if I'm unhappy I'll tell you I'm unhappy there's no you don't need to go to bed being like I wonder how I made it I will tell you in the moment as it's happening how what I'm beautiful well I appreciate that but also to be on the receiving end of it you have to be a strong person you just do but then maybe that filters out you know the right and wrong people that are supposed to be learning on my 30s but yes yes for sure yes but my daughter has it and so i'm always like look not everyone is going to be receptive at the age of 10 to how you feel and your opinion you know what we have to work on how we we we structure our opinions and so now i'm teaching her this thing of like i call it a shit sandwich which is not like a new concept but instead of me being like no that's a horrible idea, which is how I used to say things.
18:44People are like, what do you think? And I'm like, no, that's an awful idea. Now I say, I love how much thought you've put into it. I really do. I appreciate the energy that you put into this idea. I don't think that it is in line with what we're doing, but I'd love to explore other ideas that you might have. Wow. Bing, mic drop. That's a much nicer way of being honest.
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20:17I was talking about this earlier today, like this commitment to evolution as a person. And it's such a noble pursuit, right? To be like, okay, this is me and I accept who I am, right? In your case, like I'm a very direct person. I happen to think it's a really fantastic thing. But then you being able to have an observing ego to say like, you know, maybe I could be me, but in a way that was more in community, like in a slightly more positive way. Like I think that's beautiful. I love working on myself more than anything. I have no issues telling you what is wrong with me. the things, my, my, like, like I will set forth being like, here are things that I need to work on.
21:00Like what's wrong with you? Hey, I'll tell you what happened. So out of London, I was like, you know what? I'm not good at right now, right now in this moment, I'm not a really great friend to people. I'm not, I receive friendships, but I'm not giving them. And so maintain, you don't cultivate. I don't, I don't reach out. I don't reach out. I'm leaning on the fact that you will call me and check in on me and that you'll make the date for us to go out and have a fun dinner and that you'll, I'm not the one that I'm like, and I can make a million excuses as to why, right? I can tell you it's because I'm busy.
21:33It's because I have kids. It's because I have all the things. Who cares? They're just excuses. I just never prioritized it. And so this year I was like, I'm going to make it a priority. And the second you make something a priority, your excuses fall by the wayside. Cause then you're, you're, it's just, it's a priority. So, so I was like, I'm going to prioritize my friendships. I'm going to reach out to people that I haven't spoken to in a long time and be like, Hey, would you like to get lunch? Or if I vibe with you, I'm going to go, Hey, let's go like for a hike. Like I'm more open to the idea of friends and less closed on it.
22:08So I feel like that's a beautiful thing to work on. And what would you say has been like the the downstream impact of that? Like, do you notice that nurturing female friendships is doing something additive for you? Expansive? Yes. I mean, I've always had a good set of girlfriends. I've definitely, that's been, my best friends are my girlfriend since I was nine. Yeah. And that's - I have the same kind of thing. So I understand. But that's like my close group of girls. So that's like two, three girlfriends. And that's all I was like, that's all I need. I don't need more than them. And then my girlfriend called me last year and she goes, I need more from you.
22:51And I was like, fair. She goes, I feel like I'm always reaching out and I'm the one who's always setting plans. And I would like, I just need more from you. And I went done and done. And that was like the biggest, like, how lucky am I that I had a girlfriend that was willing enough to be like, do better. And I was like, you're right. How do you, what do you do? Do you have like reminders on your phone to call? No, I just make it a priority. I put on the forethought of my life. I want to be a better friend to these people that I've been friends with for 30 years. I will reach out and be like, hey, they have real jobs is what I like to say, but they do.
23:25They're all like dentists and doctors and things. So it's not like I can be like, do you have an afternoon free when I grab lunch? They can't do that. But what I can do is be like, hey, I know you're not working on a Friday. I'm going to come over and you and I will walk Costco together and chit chat and go grocery shopping for the week. And there's like amazing, but I won't wait for her to call me. I find like, if I didn't have my female relationships, I think I would be really lost. Like I really, really rely on those conversations. I feel like I learned so much about where I am and time and space.
24:04And like, even just learn about like what I actually think about something. Because I have a friend, right? Who's like, what do you think? GP, every day I call a girlfriend of mine and I just rant. And we will have a heated debate. We don't actually care about some of these things, but we will just feel like, what do we actually think about a certain topic? But like, it's just more of just like a connection because if I didn't have that, I don't know who I would talk. I don't know what I would do. Yeah. You know what I think I need to talk it out. Like that's the only way that I actually know.
24:38And I'll call and be like, I need to, I have a question. And then I'll argue with myself in the conversation, but I'll get to a place where I'll actually know the answer. Yeah. And I think the quality of our conversations with our women friends, it's just different than with husbands, right? Husbands are like, probably don't have two hours to sort of hear us talk, you know, circles. I mean, bless his heart. He will. And he does, but he can't do it on a whim on at 11 o 'clock in the afternoon. But sometimes I will call my girlfriend and be like, listen, I need you to listen to me about something.
25:12And she's like, okie dokie, you know, I mean, he will too. Yeah. But I guess we've talked about it. Like he's gotten better. Like, I don't need you to solve my problem. I just need you to listen to my problem. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah that's something I think that right that's well documented that men try to jump in and solve the thing right and yes to his credit he's gotten he goes okay and then he doesn't say anything and I'm like no you can like add a comment and he's like okay but I don't want to fix it and I was like no no you can just add comment like add commentary wait and so how long have you guys been married this will be this 2025 is going to be 10 years wow that's so nice this is a Hollywood marriage success story, guys.
25:54This is the longest running Hollywood marriage, everyone. Meanwhile, my parents are at like 40 years. Whenever they're at, you're like, but you know, what's nice is that, and, and cause Brad and I had the same thing. We were friends before we were a couple, which it's a completely different relationship. Right. Right. You know, I feel it's been so long since I've dated, but like when you're dating, you put on the best version of yourself that's out there you just do subconsciously consciously you put on a persona a version that is that you will never keep up it's it's it's never going to be who you are yeah i didn't have that because i was just myself or entire there he is and there's my husband do you want to come say hi to gp what is that this is for wyatt from her little bus friend for her birthday oh you want to say hi hi bud how's it going i'm so psyched right now i'm interviewing your awesome wife for my podcast oh really is it are you guys in the middle of the podcast how nice it is to marry a friend and the difference between like marrying somebody that you were friends with for years versus is it the dogs agree we gotta argue we gotta argue more vehemently about things on a consistent basis no that's not what i was gonna say i was gonna say that i think that when you're dating somebody and you're putting your you know best face forward it's something that you'll never be able to keep up for five ten years inevitably you will change and become more of who you are but when you're dating somebody that has known you for 20 years on a friendship level there's no other version of you to put forward that's right I think I so okay so I'll say this one when you first start dating someone that you don't know you can kind of bullshit a little bit and like be super romantic and then eventually the person's like that wears off and then you're like but I don't actually just like that person so you're already past that so you know that you like each other like just in general but then the bigger thing is like the longer relationship goes on the more it's just about like hanging out and exploring stuff together.
28:09Yeah, which is friendship, right? You can only like have a fancy dinner so many times. We still have fancy dinners, it's still fun, but there's no woo in that. Once in the blue moon, yeah. I took you to a fancy dinner this week. No, you did, you did, you did, you did. But the thing that you enjoy more is like going on a walk and seeing the world together. Yes, 100%. Exploring life. Yeah, or like seeing a new piece of furniture and being like, wow, that's really interesting because of the way, remember that thing from that 20 years ago? Doesn't that remind you of that? It's like, what was the Inside Out thing that we were watching with the kids?
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28:52When nostalgia kept coming through the door and they kept going like, no, nostalgia, we're not old enough for nostalgia yet. We're old enough for nostalgia. And the longer you've been friends, you get the nostalgia stuff. And that becomes fun. Our old grandma nostalgia lady gets to come out all the time. And also like, I imagine having done a TV show together, that's like going to high school together or something. And you have the same references, right? And memories. And it's like this super indelible life experience that you went through together. Are you wearing a Taylor Swift sweatshirt, Ashton?
29:28Yes. I love you. Girl, dad, girl, dad. Love it. By the way, for sure, girl, dad. Yeah, we went through, I mean, my high school experience was on 70s, right? So I started 70s when I was in ninth grade. And then we both had independent relationships and we were friends with each other through our independent relationships. Incredible. And then we reconnected in my late 20s, his early 30s. And we were both just happened to have been in a place in our life where - How did it like turn? What was the moment where you're like, I could make out with this guy? I'll tell you. Do you remember when we first made out?
30:07What? No, in real life. Oh, yeah. Me too. So, okay. I'll never forget. Okay. You know what? I'll tell you the whole story. So here's what happens. So we reconnect at an award show. And I was doing promo. I was there doing press for another movie, and I was with my male co-star. And we were at, it was at the Golden Globes. And there's a bar in the back before you go on. And we were at the second award up and we were just like, honestly, just hanging out at the bar. And there was this really tall man standing over there. And I was like, that guy, he's tall. I wonder who it is. He looks cute. And my co-star was like, you should go, go like, go say hi.
30:50And I was like, you think? And he's like, yeah, go say hi, go say hi. And I was like, all right. So I mosey on over there. and as I'm walking to go like try to be cool and look to see who it is turns around it's Ashton and I was like whoa not what I expect so I went in already being like oh somebody's tall and cute and all of a sudden I was like oh he's so tall and cute and that was my first thought I was like oh what a weird thought to cross my mind what a weird thought to have crossed my mind and I was like and then we start chit-chatting he's like how's it going I was like good I was like how are you And he was like, I'm good.
31:27He was like, all right. We started texting again. We reconnected. So we're texting after the awards. And he was like, hey, we texted maybe for three, four weeks. And he was like, I'm having a housewarming party. Do you want to go? And I was like, yeah, sure. No problem. And I will give credit to a girlfriend where credit's due. Okay, going back to girlfriends. So my girlfriend, Emmanuel Streaky, okay, and I go out for dinner that night. and I was like, hey, AK invited us over or invited me over us over for a housewarming. Come with me. Let's grab dinner and then you can, I can go and then we'll go out afterwards.
31:59And she was like, okay, great, great idea. And I was driving. So we go get sushi. We go to Ashton's house and long story longer, I didn't leave, but okay. But this is when my girlfriend comes into play. Wait till the next morning? Love it. So then my girlfriend comes to me halfway through the night and goes, I love you. I'm going to take your car. I'm going to drive it home. I'll see you later. And I was like, no, no, no. She goes, I'm going to take your car. I'm going to drive it home. I'll see you later. And I was like, okay. That's a girlfriend for you. So she takes the car, leaves. And I'm not saying anything crazy happened that night.
32:40But here's the first kiss. I just stopped smoking. Okay, guys, spoiler alert. I used to smoke. I don't smoke anymore, but I used to smoke. Same, same. And I probably smoked in probably 20 years at this point. Okay. But anyways, you know, I stopped smoking at 25, 25, 26. So I already stopped smoking. He was still smoking. And I was like, I had a drink and I was watching him smoke. And I was like, blow that smoke in my face. Just blow it in my face. And I'm just going to go, I'm just going to breathe it in. And the truth is he kept getting closer and closer and I kept getting closer and closer. And that's honestly how our first kiss happened.
33:14That is so romantic and so sexy. I love that story so much. Oh my God. That is the, that is the, that is the truth. Yeah. I mean, and, and it's just so nice to see, I don't know. I mean, I guess going back to Jewish values, like this family at the center of things, you know, it's like the commitment that you guys have to each other. Whenever I see, you know, you guys together, the commitment that you have to your kids and your life. And it's just, it's, it's beautiful. It's really, really, and it's an accomplishment, you know, because this business is crazy. And I think it speaks volumes about who you guys both are, that you're constantly reorienting towards one another.
33:59Another girlfriend of mine gave me really great advice when we first got married. No, when I first got pregnant, she was like, here's my advice, take it or leave it. And I was like, yeah. And she goes, put each other first and then put the kids first to the both of you. because if you start putting the kids first, but he's putting you first and everybody's all over the place, it's going to get chaotic and messy. Make sure that you're first to one another and your kids will always come first to the both of you. And that has been very much the way that we live our lives is he and I come first to one another and our kids are first to the both of us.
34:31Oh, that's so sweet.
34:39So like this is something that we're talking about a lot at work right now. kind of like the ways in which as women, we end up neglecting ourselves because we're going to soccer and going to work and flying to London to do a thing and whatever it is like, and also putting our relationships first. And like, so do you feel like there are any ways that now that you're just like in the crux of it with work, you're so successful, you're, you know, you've got these kids, like, are there ways that you feel you're neglecting yourself? So that was like last year, my big office year. So last year, two years ago, where I was like, I can't do this anymore.
35:23Like I have to prioritize myself. Like I would find myself having guilt over taking an hour to go work out. Or I would fight, like I would have guilt over things. well I could pick up the kids from school or I could do Pilates. I'm just going to pick up the kids from school. Right. I could go on a hike with my girlfriends or I can take the kids to this birthday party. I'll take the kids to the birthday party. And the crazy part is I haven't actually a 50-50 partner in life. Like I do. I really, really do. Like I, we are a partnership when it comes to parenting. So it's not like I'm even in a place where I can't rely on my husband or help.
36:01Like I have ways to do it, but I was so guilt-ridden about not doing everything myself that I didn't allow myself to actually do anything for myself. Why do we do that, by the way? What do you think? What's your theory on why we do that? For me, I think I had to stop being so concerned. I think it, okay, my guilt comes from, I want everybody to think that I'm normal. I'm so normal. I'm just so normal. I do all the normal things that all the other moms normally do. I'm so normal. I do the pickups and I do the drop-offs and I take my kids to the dance class. I'm so normal. Look how normal I am. And I love grocery shopping.
36:40Like it's these things that I'm so desperate to prove to others for so long. And I think I had to be like in a place where I'm like, I'm just me and it's the best that I can do. And I'd love to work out and I'm sorry. I'm going to go work out because it makes me feel really good. And I love a massage and I'm going to go get a massage because it makes me feel really good. And so like there's certain, but it took me a really long time to not have the guilt of, of not looking at those things as what's the word? Like not, you know, like frivolous expenses. Right. Right. Right. As a self-care. Yeah.
37:15And I looked at it as like, I was like, oh, I'm so lucky I can work out. Oh, I'm so lucky. Like, I don't know where all this guilt came from. Yeah, I wonder. Well, it's very Jewish. Take it from me to always start with guilt. I mean, it's just in me, right? But I'm working against it. I've gotten so much better. So, so, so, so much better. And Ash, by the way, has been the one who's like, enough. Like, enough. Go and do, you know, like, go grab lunch with your girlfriends. And I can be like, I can grab lunch with my girlfriends. Or I can grab another Zoom. And he's like, go get another lunch with a girlfriend.
37:49Like, yeah, yeah. And I think, I think it's so important that we all start to reprioritize or even begin to prioritize the things within us that give us inner life and space and, and, you know, imagination and whatever that is for you, right? Like for me, if I make a minute to go see art, or if I, you know, connect with a woman that I adore, like it changes my whole day. I feel fed by those things. You do. Me too. And then you're a better mother and a better everything. Yes. Which is where, like, I don't know where this idea of those things being selfish entered my mind. But that's what it was.
38:32Like, if I was going to pinpoint, I think I felt like it was selfish of me to do those things. And I think for me, I was like, look, I want to raise my kids. Like, I want to be present because I have the luxury of being present. Like, I'm, you know, I look at it as very much a luxury of the time. and I don't have to work for the sake of working. Like I'm very lucky in the regard. I love working. That's where I battle myself. But I was like, if I'm going to stay and be with the kids while the kids are in school, I shoot only in LA while the kids are in school. And during summer we travel, whichever one of us gets a project, we travel, right?
39:06That's so cool. That's so cool. But we're all stuck together. So my guilt comes from, if I'm home, I'm going to be with the kids. Yeah. Even though I have company and I have other projects and things, I was like, but the kids, you know? But I've definitely gotten better. To your point, how much better I feel after I go on a hike with a girlfriend and shoot the shit for two hours. It fills my cup of happiness for a very long time. Yeah. I absolutely love going on a hike with a girlfriend. Me too. Oh, it's so good. Okay, I want to ask you about Goodrich, which I just watched. And it was so cute.
39:43And you're so good. So sweet. It's a really, thank you. It's really sweet. And I, I have to admit, I cry, you know, I'm a total daddy's girl, like beyond, like my dad was my soulmate. You know, my dad was the love of my life. And until, you know, I, of course I had my own kids and, and met Brad. And so like, it was really, for me, it was like, I was emotional. I could cry now thinking about him in the end and I won't give it away. But tell me how you got in. So this is Nancy Meyer's daughter? Yeah. Yeah. Hallie. And is this her first movie? Her second movie. Her first one she did with Reese. She did a movie with Reese years ago.
40:35I forgot the title. Very good. And then this one is loosely, loosely, loosely, loosely based on her experience when her father got remarried. So there's like a personal touch to it, but you can tell there's like an autobiographical streak to it. It's like there's some things that are so close to the bone. So I was wondering if that was the case. Yeah. Her father got remarried and she kind of played out this version of life in the script. And what, what was the thing about it that like appealed to you? Aside from working with Michael Keaton, who is just like such a national treasure. I mean, by the way, I have Keaton sign this thing I parked in his parking spot.
41:16I didn't park in his parking spot, but I parked in a parking spot that he claimed was his. And then he printed out this Batman sign, and it was like, never parked in my parking spot, and then signed it Bruce Wayne. I was like, I fucking love this man. Incredible. I love Keaton. What drew me to it? I think I just like movies with dialogue. Yeah. But real, that had just, you know, character relationships. Nothing was blowing up in the background. There was no mystery to solve. There was nothing. There's no like twist or aha in it. It was just like characters, you know, having conversations and people living life and going through aspects of life.
41:51And it was shooting in L.A. And it was shot in L.A. It was Hallie and it was Michael. And it was a really sweet, beautiful story that as lucky as I am to have my parents still be married, although I'm shocked they haven't killed each other. I really do believe a lot of people come from divorced households. And this is not an uncommon factor for your dad or your mom to remarry and have a completely separate life after you that whether you envy or don't envy or resent or whatever those feelings are. So to me, that was just like a really fun character dynamic to play with. Yeah. And also there's what I really liked about the movie is the journey of healing that everybody goes on.
42:33and you know it sort of at the end when can I say your character has a baby I mean it's not like so at the end when your character has a baby and your half siblings come I felt like this relief and this sort of full circle like you know where it's sort of like the order of everything kind of clicked back into place like for your for grace your character I felt like oh I think there's going to be forgiveness here now that she has her own child yes for sure and when Keaton turns and goes, you're my soulmate. Oh, I bawled. I know. I know. It was like the easiest scene to shoot of all time. I was like, oh my God.
43:10So sad. I mean, it broke my heart. He broke my heart in this movie. He's amazing. He's really like, I just love him being on screen. I feel like, did he take a break from acting or something? He did. Yeah. I mean, he went to be with his family. yeah with his son for sure and I think he doesn't live in LA I mean he has a place in LA but he doesn't really live in LA he loves fly fishing and nature and you know he has a whole other life yeah it's amazing well I thought it was great it was really sweet also it's shot in LA I will keep saying this I know but listen that's a that's a real thing when you're trying to you know raise kids and they're in school and it's kind of, you know, I wish they shot more things in LA.
43:58It feels like there's not a whole, a ton of stuff. You know what else I liked about the movie too? I feel like we're in such a weird place with cinema right now, like so different from the nineties when I was making all my movies and there was like budget and appetite and audience for these films with adult themes around adults and dynamics and, you know, and then it's sort of like feels like it just kind of turned into something else for a long time it's it's really nice to see this I don't know this kind of return to the personal feels very personal I think so I hope that people go and see it I mean I know that people see things on streamers and nowadays it's so hard to navigate when movies come out in theaters anymore yeah I mean I myself go like what's the point like I almost throw my hands up in the air and I'm like we should just go on a streamer.
44:48And I have to argue with myself being like, no, it should go in the theaters and it should allow itself to live in the theaters for, you know, what now is just two weeks versus what used to be two months. But nonetheless, it's just, it is a very different time. It's just a very different time to go to the movies. It's very different. I think like there's something, I don't know, almost reverential about getting in the car or walking down and getting on the subway or, you know, walking to the movie theater and sitting down and it's larger than life. It's like, it imbues meaning into the art in a way that like turning on your Netflix, just, you know, it's great.
45:24Don't get me wrong, but it just doesn't, it's not the same thing. You also don't have the shared experience that you once did. Yes. Which is a big factor, like big, big, big, big factor of, I think like this concept of like, what's the biggest pandemic right now? And it's loneliness. Like people are just lonely. And I think like, not to say that if you went to the movie theaters, you wouldn't be lonely anymore, but just that's like a small fraction of like things that no longer happen, which is like, even by yourself, you'd be able to go to the movie theaters and sit in a group of a hundred other people and experience all the emotions all together and feel like you're a part of something larger than just yourself.
45:58You don't really do that anymore. So yeah, it's your point. You go sit at home and you watch a movie or a show by yourself on Netflix or Hulu or whatever it is. And maybe you'll have somebody to talk to about it, but maybe you won't. Yeah, it is. You're right. It is. It's a, a communal experience in the same way at all it needs to be art should be shared it means the whole point of art needs to be communal like it's not meant to be stored in a lockbox somewhere i agree with you i really i really really agree with you because it evokes emotion and and and resonance and and and then you connect and it furthers your thinking about stuff but you need to do that in community with other people like through conversation yeah yeah
46:43So are there things like that you still, do you have any career dreams? Like, God, I'd love to do a movie in this place, or I'd love to play a character like this, or I'd love to do a film in Russian or. My God, that would be the most butchered language film of all time. It would be so cool. Don't you still speak Russian? I do. I speak Russian and to majority of people, my Russian will sound fantastic, except to the Russians. And then they will say, what is wrong with this girl? My Russian is like stunted probably for the age of like eight, nine. My conversation - But don't you think if it was in a movie, you could like, you know, brush it off a little?
47:24Right. Like I get, you know, people keep trying to send me things where like, you know, the Russians, the characters that speaks Russian or it's a Russian film. It hasn't, we haven't, I haven't found the one that if I'm going to do it, how I'm going to do it. But I think as far as like what things I'm looking forward to, I think when I read it, I know like there's, there's certain projects that I have right now that I'm so excited about. And none of them really makes sense. The thing I'll tell you, the truth is working with people I love. Okay. Just work with people I love. That's all I want to do.
47:52I want to go to work and be happy and, and like the people I'm with. And that to me was like, life is too short moment. Probably my mid, I had a moment where I worked on a project and I was like, no I'm done like I'm done I'm not doing this again like I don't want to be in a position where I'm sad every morning and I don't I don't it's a horrible feeling it's a and you try to describe it to people and you're like I get it I get it I live a very fortunate life I'm not like but it is a horrible feeling every day to be in the makeup chair and tracing my makeup artist patting my tears down and being like it's okay you're gonna be okay and I'm like I'm gonna be fine.
48:29It's a horrible feeling. And yeah, I feel like, you know, there's this thing like you, you don't necessarily know when you're in a really good movie, but you know, when you're in a bomb, like, you know, on day three, that the movie is going to suck. And you're, you still like, you're there, you know what I mean? Like, you're like, okay, this is not going to work. But yet here I am. And how am I going to get through this? And it's pretty demoralizing. it is everything about it is it's just it's exhausting it's exhausting and like on every physically exhausting mentally exhausting and so after that it's like i just want to do films with people i like and so i just vet people now i'm much how what's that process like i'll call if i call somebody else that that person was in a project with right i'll just straight up just call call and be like how is that person to work with i'm so i just want to work with people that are kind, that are collaborative, that love the process and not just the end result.
49:30Because if you work with people that are just so concerned about what the final product will look like, then the process itself becomes exhausting for all the wrong reasons. Yeah. I feel like I've never been in something that's really good where the process has been horrendous. I mean, when I did the talented Mr. Ripley, it was a really, really hard time in my life and my grandfather got diagnosed with cancer. And then six weeks later, my dad got diagnosed with cancer. And like, it's like some weird dynamics. Like I was pretty miserable in a certain set, like in a personal sense, making that movie, but it was still artistically a really good experience, you know?
50:10I'm sorry. Yeah. I know what you're saying. Like personally, you can be going through things, but as long as the environment is still a positive environment, then that's a different hurdle. Yeah. You can be going through a shitty time. Yeah. I went through shitty times on projects, but the project itself was a saving grace. Right. Right. Oh my God. We're going to run out of time. Okay. I'm going to end with some, this, by the way, this was so fun. I know this was so lovely. See, I love it. So happy to see you. Okay. I'm going to ask you some quick questions. Rapid fire. Yeah. What is your favorite like junkie snack?
50:46Salt and vinegar chips. Ooh. You were in the home of that in the UK, weren't you? Oh my God, I ate them every day. Every day I had a bag of salt and vinegar chips. I love them. If you get overwhelmed, really stressed out, what's your strategy? Well, first I do one thing and then it always fails me and then I go do another. So I'll tell you how I fail first is I always feel like when I'm super stressed out, I should watch some shitty television. That's always my go-to. I always go like, oh, time for me to watch my Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. You watch that? How dare you? I love that show.
51:27I love that show. I've never seen that show. Can you believe? I'm so sorry for you that you have not had the 10 years of joy that it has brought me. I don't even know how many years this show has been on. I feel like it's been on forever. Oh, my God. I think it's been like 10 years. But I have other guilty pleasures. I feel like I missed the boat on that one. So I just never started, but I watched this nightmare that I cannot turn my eyes away from called love is blind. I love love is blind. What are you talking about? I love love is blind. This, this, this new season is not, I'm not in, I don't know what it is.
52:01I'm not into it. I don't know why. Because everyone's kind of nice. I haven't gotten to the main parts yet. I haven't gotten to the latest episode, but right now. Really good was the UK one that came out recently. Did you see that? No. Oh, girl. That's... It does de-stress you for some reason. I don't know. You're right. Like this sort of disposable TV is very... Mindless, right? Like it's just, there's a show that Ashton and I watch on Netflix. It's not called Love Island. What is it called? I don't remember now. But the premise of the show, I'm obsessed. Every season they get contestants and they're barely clothed.
52:35They're like young, 20 something, barely have clothes on. Beautiful looking people. Okay. From everywhere. and they pretend like they're on a different show. That way these contestants don't know they're about to be bamboozled. And then like 24 hours in, they're like, just kidding, you're on. I forgot what the show's called. Maybe it's called Love Island. I forgot what it's called. No, Too Hot to Handle. The show is called Too Hot to Handle. Hold on, ready for the premise of the show. Gwyneth, I need you to watch this. Here's the whole point. This is the entire premise. You can't kiss. You can't touch each other sexually and you can't have sex.
53:07And so long as you abstain from those things, you will walk away with a quarter of a million dollars. They should put menopausal women in. We'll all win the fucking prize. I prefixed with, they're all 20 year olds. All 20 year olds, half naked. It is such a fun show to watch because they're incapable. They're incapable of not, that is so funny. And they're so mad when they realize they're on the show and they're not on this other show and they're so upset. And they're just these horny 20 year olds. It's so funny. Anyways, that type of stuff. I'm not sure what the ethics of that is, but who's counting?
53:43Oh, yeah. It's fine. It doesn't matter. It's all fine. They're all fine. Okay, so that's your stress relief? It is my stress relief. And then when that ultimately doesn't work, because it doesn't, then I'll wake up the next day and I'll still be like, I do like a hike. I do like a hike. Yeah, you've mentioned that a few times. That's so good. Yeah. Just like walking. I don't need to go on a treacherous hike up a mountain for like 10. No, no, just like a walk. Like sometimes I'll even, like my girlfriend be like, I'll meet you at Target. Let's just walk through Target. And I'm like, yeah, let's just walk through Target.
54:12And we'll just go on a walk around Target. Like I can, when living in London, I would be able to walk from Hempstead Heath all the way to like the, I mean, I'm trying to think of like to Regents Park, no problem all the time. Wow. That's, I know. I'm the same. I love to walk. I, I've told the story before, but I was once in the Pompidou Museum and I had this amazing older French tour guide. And he was asking me if I loved, Oh, do you mind walking from here? And I said, no, I love to walk. And he said, I mean, too. Walking brings the body and the soul together. Yeah, exactly. Right. It brings the body and the soul together.
54:47It also allows me to not like I think, but when I'm thinking and walking, that I'm solving better problems. I find myself that doing the same thing in the car. Like I will, I will drive with no music on and I won't listen to a podcast sometimes. Sometimes I'll just drive in silence. That's good. I think it's good. Let the brain sort of rest. Yeah. What's your favorite city hotel? It could be in Paris. It could be in Rome, New York. Favorite city hotel. Hold on. I'm sure I have one. I'm trying to think. Chicago. I love Chicago. I love Chicago as a city, but my favorite city hotel. You know what?
55:24I will say this. The Mark in New York is a very special place in my heart because of a time in my life that I was in. And it was a great place for me to be. Chic. Yeah. What's your favorite vacation hotel you've ever seen at? What's the place? This is a bougie-ass answer. What's the place in Venice? Not Cipriani's. What is it called? The Amon? No. Oh, I love it. The Cipriani. The Cipriani is there. Is it Cipriani, the hotel? Yeah, yeah. With kids, it's a great hotel. Yeah. There's that big pool. Okay. Wait, going back to the Amon. I love the Amon, but I find the Amon to be like a romantic hotel.
56:04I want to go with my husband, not with the kids. Right. I love the Amon. Yeah. What is your like weekly, your, your kind of go-to if you're making dinner for, for everybody at home or do you not cook? I cook. I cook dinner almost every night. I love it. I love your commitment to the normal. This is something I want to explore with you on our next podcast together. I genuinely love cooking. Okay. So what, what is it? You're, you, you, you know, I'll tell you it came out of, I, my daughter's a pescatarian. She doesn't eat meat. Okay. So she decided the age of five, she's 10 now. She doesn't want to eat meat.
56:42And I was like, no problem. And I was like, great. She'll still eat fish. So, so long as she, I'm like, she's fine. She'll eat fish. It's fine. So out of COVID, I love food. And one of my favorite things to do is to eat food. I travel to eat. I love fussy food. I love food that I'll never make. The larger the course count, the happier I'm going to be. Like if you're taking me to a 19 course, perfect bite meal, that's all I want. I just want to travel and eat fussy food. But I'm never going to make it. So I was like, okay, the kids were getting older. And I was like getting to a place where they're like, I don't want that.
57:21I want this. and I was like, look, I'm not a restaurant. I'm not a restaurant. We're at home. And so what I started doing, and to this day the kids still love it, is I call them like make your own bowl nights. I love that. Yes, so it's pretty straightforward. I'll make either like – I'll make a grain. So it'll be either a quinoa, a rice, couscous, a farro, whatever it is. And then I'll make a ton of veggies, whatever I have. So, you know, broccoli, squash, whatever. It doesn't matter. Sweet potatoes, potato, whatever. It doesn't matter. And then it'll always be a protein, and there'll always be beans.
57:52Yeah. And then you make your own bowl, but I want it to be colorful. Like I want to make sure I see all the colors, but you can pick what's in it, but you can't just be rice. And so from that on the kids have always, and then I'll make a sauce like a tahini base house or something, but like the kids have always had solid ownership over their meals. And so because of these make your bowl nights for the past four years, they now eat everything. Okay. And my last question, what is something that you don't say to yourself that you want to start saying to yourself? Oh, probably some like, you know, like a pat on the back, like more of like a self-acknowledgement of just like, it did good today.
58:31Like I nailed it. Like that's what I want to start saying to myself more. I love you. Thank you. I love you.
58:45Mila, thank you so much for joining us today on the Goot Podcast. I know so many listeners will resonate with your journey and insights on motherhood, self-care, and navigating a long career in the public eye. Don't forget to check out her latest film, Good Rich, which is playing in theaters now. It's one you won't want to miss. And as always, thank you for tuning in to the Goot Podcast. This has been a presentation of Cadence 13 Studios. I hope you'll listen, follow, rate, and review all of our episodes, which are available for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts.
From the publisher
Gwyneth is joined by Mila Kunis who you know from That '70s Show, Black Swan, and her latest project, Goodrich. The two dive into Mila’s journey of balancing motherhood and career, her thoughts on aging, and some of the wellness rituals that keep her grounded.
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