Cassia Clarke - #27 - The Jake Dearden Podcast

0:00Cassia, welcome to the podcast. Thank you Jake. For the people that are listening to this and potentially don't know who you are, obviously you're very into running, you've got an ultra background, you have your own podcast, you've done an amazing transformation, you've taken a year off socials, they're just a couple of things that come to mind. Would you be able to explain who you are? it's a hard question that because who am i uh yeah i'm cassia i discovered running during lockdown like so many other people um and i didn't really know what it was i was just sort of stumbling about in my local park in west london and decided to like move a bit fast between trees and then figured out that was jogging and then that turned into running and before i know it like i've lost like 100 pounds and I'm running 100 pounds yeah I think it's 110 pounds that I lost um although what was the kind of like period that was four years four years yeah so that's insane yeah it's a whole different life like truly um yeah I think that's uh I guess like running really really saved my life and racing and all of that kind of stuff is very secondary to me I think it's just the love of movement but really like yeah that's what running is to me and um before that like you mentioned there you've done this amazing transformation uh what kind of triggered that it was a number of things i think i felt because i was overweight my whole life um and i always felt like was you kind of happy with like how you looked or how you felt no it was difficult you know what it's like at school kids are not nice um and i wanted to be an active person i I loved horse riding and hockey and lacrosse and that had really like gaining weight as much weight as I had gained really took that all away from me and I felt like I was trapped inside my own body and I had no way of kind of being myself anymore so it was that I think my family were worried about me I was worried about me and then when lockdown started and the pubs closed that was a big thing so before did you like went out to the pubs yeah yeah it was just yeah the usual like unhealthy um binge drinking binge eating everything very uk and how old were you at this time 20 i think i was like 26 yeah i'm 32 now so i i do feel like i had like life for me started at like 28 29 i would say oh interesting wow yeah which is cool um but yeah the pub's closed and i kind of felt like i had no other option i remember looking in the mirror and being like i think you've got two choices here i think you lock yourself away and you keep eating and drinking like you do and you stay miserable for the rest of your life or you take this as a chance and a sign and you like lock in and i went for a walk like that day and that was it it was just like the same loop every day until it's i like started running running running running and then here we are how how far was that loop like when you said um you know i'm gonna go out for a walk yeah first walk number one how did it feel and two like how how far was it that was to my local grocery store uh grocery store just been in america my local shop my boss man shop um which was probably like half a kilometer I'd say um because like I was completely sedentary completely so I think I was also very scared of being perceived outside as well which I know is a problem with a lot of people who struggle with their weight and mental health so that was a big hurdle was actually like opening the door being like right you're gonna go outside you're gonna wear a hoodie you're gonna be fine um so that was the first and then every day I challenged myself I wanted to get to my local park but I'd get like a little bit panicky or scared so I'd come back home and then I made it to my local park and then I think that loop of Gunnersbury is probably 5k because I do park run there now which is nice um it's around five kilometers and I just walked it to start and then yeah that's crazy so when like you say when you first started like you was like conscious about like you just being outside yeah public on your own yeah so what did you do like before that so say for example like when you used to go to the pub and stuff would you just like get ubers there or something like that ubers i remember what i used to do is i'd always check my phone for the time sunset was which is so sad but it's a memory i have like my friends would text me and say like hey we're gonna meet at this time on the green i would have never have done that but um you know it's gonna be like 7 p.m on the green and i'd have to check like when does the sun go down because i'd want to be like in the dark to go outside which is crazy thinking about now but But yeah, it would be that or like a hoodie or just like drinking before I went out.

5:02Just to gain that confidence and then go out. Yeah. And like you say, you start off walking. When was the first decision? Oh, like you say, I'm going to run a tree, walk a tree. Did you like download the app like Couch to 5K or something like that? Or were you just literally doing it all? No app. There was a song, a piece of classical music that I used to listen to by Analdi. It's called Experience. experience um and that came on my Spotify shuffle and I remember thinking like gosh this feels like it's it feel to me it sounded like a bird flying and I was like I just like I don't know I never I don't think I ever could run but maybe I could try jogging and I just randomly tried and I think the park was really empty that day so I felt like and it was autumn as well so it was kind of a little bit darker um and then something in my brain just like clicked and suddenly I realized like oh this is what a goal is like this is what a goal is okay I can measure this like that's that tree it's the next tree I didn't have a watch or shoes or anything I didn't know what I was doing at all what was your running in do you remember the shoes yeah they were vans yeah amazing so so you got shin splints on your first run pretty painful but you know i think it's important for people to know that like if you're starting from square one you really don't need the gear like i always say this like running is so expensive now or it looks expensive online but i seriously i had like a metallica hoodie and a pair of bands and that was enough to like really get me going because it's this that's that's the important bit i love that and like you always see them memes while they come up on my feed yeah uh where it's like uh someone running a 5k in a slower time and then like the pros doing it the pros have basically just got a pair of shoes yeah some like really short shorts yeah yeah yeah and then uh the person starting out has got all the gear like i said the sunglasses they've got the latest smartwatch they've got the 300 pound alpha flies or whatever it is and um yeah like you say you don't need all that to start out not at all no no it is fun though yeah no no it is fun and like it sometimes it gives your motivation like definitely feel like you feel good look good yeah you're gonna go out and running it um but yeah so um after that like like you said you started running how long did it take you to be able to run that first 5k do you remember yeah so that was 2020 and i think i probably ran 5k for the first time maybe towards the end of 2020 near christmas time so not that long really so yeah that was like what april we went into lockdown march to december that's how long yeah um and that was very walk run walk run i think continuously it probably would be 2021 do you remember like that that day yeah yeah yeah it was around christmas um and i'd got a watch so i had a watch now just one of those like amazon own brand watches that told me how far i was going or what my heart rate was um and I remember setting off and just thinking like oh I'll just like I'll just see if I can do it like I probably won't be able to do it and I did it um and I probably could have kept going and I think so much of that is like running and distances is so much in our head like I think the first time I ran a half marathon the furthest I'd run was like 10k but it's so in your head you're like of course I can't cover that distance but you can like it's all in your brain um so once you push past that you can kind of go as far as your body will take you I think and that's how the 5k felt to me it was like wow okay this is exhausting but this is a proper proper 5k like that's such that's such a long way I know that sounds crazy nowadays but a 5k is like that's a big run for most people and we really forget that so that was a very proud moment no like I say it is so impressive when when someone comes and they say oh like I ran my first 5k or did my first part run I think I think it's an amazing thing um and there's so many things that you can go to now to help you like achieve that goal let's say couch to 5k I think it's one of the best things that's ever been invented definitely um if you want to kind of like start out running um so you obviously start this uh journey when did you start like gaining that momentum of more confidence i'd say and like feeling comfortable where it wasn't even like a a thought to you anymore like i'm going outside going for a walk did it come quite quick or it took me a long time i think um probably around when i started running more towards 10ks uh and it was it was a lot about like how i felt on the run i remember the first time i ran and i felt like okay I'm not hideously out of breath and no one's looking at me and I'm just in my own world and I'm listening to music and this is just my space it was probably like a year after I started and then I kind of felt like okay I like belong in this world I mean everybody belongs but I belong in the world I want to be in um but with every kilometer and every run it's just naturally that confidence comes and then you realize that actually no one cares about you at all when you're out running like it's no one's looking at you they don't care so yeah I'd say the more you prove to yourself you can do something every single time your confidence will just naturally go along with it it's just about showing yourself you can do the hard thing and yeah it will follow yeah just kind of like showing up every single day yeah and keep doing it what was your family's reaction when you started this whole process like were they buzzing were they made up were they like oh I'll come on a walk with you or I'll do this did you get support from like your family and friends I think I think the reason I knew that this was gonna stick this time is because I didn't tell anyone I was doing it so I used to do this thing where because I started fitness journeys like what three times a year for 10 years you know like I'd always be like I'm gonna lose weight I'm gonna stop drinking I'm gonna be a runner like I'm gonna lift weights or you know but I'd always inevitably fail so this time I I didn't tell anyone I was gonna do it I just did it like quietly on my own and then people noticed they were like wow you you look different you're like holding yourself differently I'd be like yeah I'm kind of doing this thing where I'm trying to run a 5k and you know but yeah my parents were overjoyed and they I think they feel like or felt like they'd really got their daughter back which was lovely because when I was younger I was so active like a little girl so I think for them like I ride bikes with dad and mom and I walk the dog and like that stuff that just did not happen for like 10 years so yeah they're they're very happy yeah that makes me happy that's uh that's pretty sick um so so moving on like when did you uh gain the confidence to start kind of like posting and it was an accident an accident yeah I think a lot of people have the same like origin story but I I made a TikTok of my weight loss journey the two years that I've been sort of on this ride um I made a TikTok for my friends and I meant to post it privately for like friends only but I posted it publicly not knowing that TikTok was what it was this is when it had just come out and I was just messing like literally messing around on the app um and then my mate like sent me a screenshot of it like did you mean to post this publicly it has 500 000 views I was like whoa and every time I refreshed the page it would be like 600k 700k 1 million 2 million it was crazy so I just had that lucky viral moment where it just exploded and it was kind of just a natural progression from there really I I think what spurred me on was um I spoke a lot about mental health and I'd got lovely messages from girls saying you know thank you so much for creating a space where like people aren't you don't feel ashamed for being overweight like because it is out of your control a lot of the time if you're struggling in your head and you know finding ways out finding ways to exercise that are maybe just a little bit different for people who are neurodivergent or find they're lacking in confidence and I was just trying to create like a little pocket of the internet that was talking a little bit more about that and less about like physique and athleticism I can never say that word um so yeah just all the messages and dms and then people started asking questions so I started making content to answer them and then it just it just grew and grew and grew and then I ran the London Marathon in 2023 I think that was my which was my first race first first race first ever marathon or did you run like a marathon on your own before and I ran my first marathon was on my 29th birthday or 28th birthday I woke up at like 6am and I was I'm running a marathon today um so I went and did that and then my mom gave me a chocolate medal at the end in richmond park which is still my favorite medal it means the most to me sorry you've still got this chocolate medal have you yeah it's still you must have eaten it no no i don't want to open it but uh yeah i've still got it still got it yeah saving it for a date yeah yeah um that's that's cool that's cool it's like you say shows how supportive your family are as well yeah but that's pretty hardcore on your birthday yeah it was the best kind of like a Goggins thing yeah that's when I had discovered Goggins that was like you know yeah it was very like stay hard mentality but that was great I loved it um I think I did like it was on the Thames path so I must have done like because you know runner math so I was like right okay 15 15 is 30 then it's just a 10k and then it's 2k so really it's nothing you know yeah that's how i always do it in my brain like marathons are like four 10ks and a bit of change yeah yeah so you're like oh it's fine yeah um it's probably a bit mental but yeah it is a little bit psychotic but i think uh people will get it yeah every runner is a bit like everyone does it yeah it's just uh to that bus stop to that tree to that lamppost just keep running um but uh yeah no that's cool so then you run your first marathon and then fast forward you do you get invited to london or did you just sign up for london or yeah i got invited which was like the coolest moment ever um by flora which flora like the butter butter yeah i was like great butter butter or not butter is it i think it's the margarine is it margarine i don't know is it anyway shout out to flora um they invited me um which was really cool uh and i yeah i was terrified i'd never been or actually considered ever doing a proper race because not that keen on crowds not that keen on noise so it kind of felt like the antithesis of everything I liked but I was like my parents were like you've got to do this like it's the London marathon it's your hometown like you've got to do this so yeah that was April 2023 and yeah it was really difficult it was really hard did you train for that yeah as much as I could have I had uh seven weeks notice so not too long like say if you have a base of running that's it's okay yeah it was all right um it was okay but I definitely you know I was still pretty new to fitness and I think I really I really felt that I didn't have that foundation of fitness to like rely on you know um being an ex-smoker and all that stuff it's definitely more difficult uh than if you've grown up being an athlete your whole life so kind of had to drag myself around it I think my time was like 4.07 or maybe wow I can't even remember what was it what was the aim was it just to kind of like finish to finish it's always been just to finish yeah no that's class yeah but 4.07 that's a great time yeah I think it was that or it was 4.12 or something near the four nice nice so uh after that did you get kind of like a buzz after doing it like is that was that like you like you said that was your first race did it go better than what you thought it'd go yeah I was really proud of the fact that I managed to navigate the entire experience without anxiety and actually felt really comfortable and free around like that many people because if you've grown up overweight and not confident being in situations with a lot of fit people is so terrifying and I still have that where I'm like if I meet like people like you I'm like okay no it's fine you're okay you belong here like it's it's very difficult to like self-actualize in those circumstances so I was more proud of myself that I was like you did so well and like mentally you were fine at the start line I mean not that great it was very scary but um did you have any panic attacks or anything was you stressing never at a race weirdly like it's always been okay which is great what about the night before what you how you feeling yeah I did my flat lay because I found out that was a thing so I was like you know when you put all your stuff on the floor so I was doing that and I was laying out my outfit um and I was just really excited I think the morning of I felt really sick I was like okay I've actually signed I'm gonna do this now um but then it's really funny because you get to the start line and you're like oh it's just running like I'm not it's not you know how you like sometimes you're like you get in your head about oh what do I need what am I doing what have i got to do and then it's like oh you just you run and that's it like you're fine so yeah it was great and then after london oh god it's all a bit of a blur but i did that year was a bit crazy so then i did an ultra was that off the back of london i can't even remember the thames path ultra yeah yeah um because a couple of my mates were doing it and i was just in like full send mode Is that by Centurion Running?

19:12No, it's Let's Do This. Let's Do This, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think. So I decided to do that, which was, for me, really lovely because the Thames Path had been where I'd run my first 10, half and full just on my own. So I was like, oh, it makes sense to do my first ultra. And that kind of gave me a taste for just really what I loved, which was running really for a long time in nature. how did the mindset shift like uh did you the training shift did the mindset kind of like you say you found a love for it yeah I think I find ultras a lot less pressurizing because like I'm never gonna do like a crazy challenge where I like run across Antarctica or anything like that but for my little pocket of fitness never say never I know we never know but it kind of feels like just like a really long picnic with friends like i love that it's so chill long eating competition pretty much though like yeah how much you can eat over a day yeah and if you tell someone you run 100k no one's gonna ask you how fast you did it unless they're also psychotic yeah which some people are but you know i think it was a very emotional thing to carry yourself through something that far um and get to the finish line it was very cool and I kind of knew like okay this is what makes me happy it's like being in nature not running fast I've never been that interested in like running super fast um and just like enjoying it and meet like the people you meet on ultras is my favorite thing because they're all ages and they're lunatics and they are also completely tapped which you know that's fine with me and i've met like some amazing people with amazing stories and i feel like at a marathon there isn't really that like camaraderie because obviously you're so locked in it's like you're not going to be chatting so maybe i just like yapping maybe that's why i like kind of just like when you're running a marathon you probably find someone that's running the similar pace to you and you just run at the side of them not speak yeah 10k and then you'll find someone else they'll go ahead or you'll be up behind or whatever yeah but uh ultra marathons you're running that's all that you can just chat to people yeah sometimes you rely on that as well definitely because you're like oh which way do we go now yeah like i say the tennis path might be a little bit more obvious because yeah it's one path yeah one path but um like when it comes to like navigation and stuff like that like like you say it's crazy the people that you meet i always look at the lineup of like an ultra the ultras that i've done yeah and you're like there's there's like really old women there there's there's men with like big pot bellies and these guys and women or somehow they beat you oh yeah like they're there oh yeah there'll be a bloke chain smoking oh yeah and they'll just come flying past you yeah there's always like a 70 year old german man eating a granola bar that for some reason finishes first that's just like always happened it's just like these people are hardcore and i always think like what do you think is different about them do you think they've just like experience more and like they've they've just mentally tougher i think so yeah from everyone i've met on courses everyone has a real reason why they run ultras whereas i think marathons obviously people have reasons why but an ultra is something that really hurts you like that's a lot of suffering and i think for a lot of people it's a it's like a pill it's like a pilgrimage i think so usually it's through grief or for whatever other reason they feel that they have to do this great journey for themselves or for someone else um and yeah you don't really get that in other races and hearing people their stories like I've met some of the most incredible people along the way who you won't believe some of the reasons they're doing it you know and they just quietly get on with it but it's you know it you you just never know what's going on in someone's life or why they're doing what they're doing even if it is like the local runner or someone literally doing utmb it's it's everyone has their reasons why yeah no it's uh it is crazy and like you say super inspiring um for people running any distance like you know there's people that are doing uh a 5k 10k for charity and and they'll be just as impressive in my mind for someone doing like you say an ultra marathon moving forward now coming back to fitness my goal really is to do like a like a proper ultra like a real big dog okay what are you thinking i'd love to do i'd love to do utmb maybe one of the shorter ones to start yeah ccc is uh that's 100k is it something like that yeah i think that would be that would be yeah yeah yeah that would be amazing um it's just hard to get into when you say utmb obviously utmb has split off now it's actually become a massive business they've got them all over the world yeah but you mean the official one yeah like mont blanc yeah yeah and that starts in chamonix yeah yeah yeah no that'd be cool yeah i'd love to do that um let's say we've just uh for tom's birthday tom the videographer um the man behind the cameras I signed him up to UTS which is Ultra Trail Snowdonia the 78km run in a couple of weeks I give him 6 weeks notice he always bashes on about how he loves to go hiking so I was like why don't you sign up to one of these this is the real deal it's just hiking but faster it's more interesting in my opinion but yeah he's been training for that I think he's been enjoying it in 6 weeks time?

24:56it's actually in 2 weeks now oh okay I signed up on his birthday I was like happy birthday mate you've got this this little challenge cost me a lot of money you've got to do it you've got to do it guilt tripped him he starts at 7pm at night as well so it's not the best I've realised I'm not actually there as well so I can't even come support him I've been kind of like a bad friend here I'm in Barcelona just leaving him in Snowdonia on his own yeah so he's going to be in Snowdonia on his own hopefully I don't find him dead on a trail somewhere no you gotta survive there's there's no wolves or anything i have checked there's nothing that can eat you so you've got no excuse really tom yeah some goats goats on a mountain but um yeah so you want to do the real utmb yeah that'd be sick have you ever thought about doing any of these like crazy like american ones i have yeah i have i was watching obviously we were all watching the bpn you know the go one more oh would that just feel like that too i would love to do a backyard ultra i think i'd do really well at that um yeah i'd love to do something like that obviously there's like hard rock 100 and all of those that look completely insane i think i'd really have to i do feel like the older i get the better ultras i get because you just become more resilient i think then that's just from like the mind toughening definitely as well like the training but like and maybe just being a little bit less reckless and actually being able to like look after yourself a little bit better like because that's really what matters on the course is like not being stupid so I think yeah as I get older I'm like actually I do think sensibly with planning and training I probably could do it um I think like there was like this study I was reading where the age of the best ultra runners or when women peak in ultra running is 32 or 31 and for men it's something older it might even have been 40 I'll need to look it up so you can put the study maybe in the description because it's very interesting but um ultra runners usually are better as they get older which is such a cool thing interesting i i think i read something somewhere i listened to a podcast where they were saying like a woman after like the 12 months after they've given birth are like the best at ultra running then because of like the pain yeah like having birth like kind of like so basically running ultras is nowhere near the pain that having a child i'm sure so yeah apparently like they're uh they're hardcore yeah yeah i don't know if it was caught in the walter or someone that was saying something stuff like that let's say yeah yeah um no so do you feel like have you got a competitive edge so say if we was to do a backyard ultra because i'm not i'm not giving up for this guy next to me or this girl next to me like do you think yeah i've definitely developed that over the last few years i think naturally when you're in like a high-pressure business you do tend to become more competitive um I can't really be competitive with like running fast just because like it's just not I just can't I'm not I'm not gonna say can't I think if I really trained I could but it's not a goal that I personally I'm not interested in it but running far and being insane yes definitely I think I would want to be more insane than the person next to me I think that would be really motivating um and I've got like I've got that streak in me where I do have like not the best risk aversion and I do like to do some crazy things so I think backyard would be really fun what did they end on 300 miles no 300 uh I think it was 60 yeah 305 they hit 300 miles mad it's crazy what's the furthest you've the best I've done is a hundred a hundred mile race so I did Chester 100 wow um but I got lost so I did 116 miles it was the worst thing I've ever done and I was a nightmare right um maybe that's why you don't want to like you say I don't know if I I would do something like that I think having like social presence presence but back then I didn't have a social presence and I was a nightmare to all the staff at aid stations everything I remember getting to like mile 80 I think it was and I'm like I'm done really no no no like you're not done I was like fuck off I'm done and I was just the rudest person ever I was like I'm done I think they're used to it yeah and they might be used to it but uh it's still you shouldn't treat someone like that I after I finished I went and apologized oh nice um I was like I was bang out a lot of them I just wanted had you trained uh I had trained uh no I'd not trained for that but I think a couple of weeks before I did 10 marathons in five days oh fine uh and I was tough up from that I think right yeah so I got like I think I got my buds done my buds were in the bin oh no they weren't actually my bloods were okay and that's what determined whether i did the ultra or not i was like i'll go get my bloods done if they're okay and but i was having i was waking up with like nosebleeds every morning oh god i just wasn't feeling very well i think i'm just a bit of a wimp i feel like i'm very as an athlete i'm very fragile right so like i can't cope with what other people can cope with interesting my opinion but we did 10 marathons in five days managed that then started this ultra and it was 100 miles and i'd already signed up to it before that so like i had to do it uh and i remember getting to the half marathon point so just 21 kilometers in and i was like this is not my day oh god i feel like shit yeah and when you're feeling like that on an ultra and you're not even a marathon in i think that's kind of a bit not a good sign you can't give up yeah and you finished 100 miles finished yeah finished i think it yeah like 28 hours or something like that um yeah it wasn't a good day but um yeah i prefer like the multi-day stuff over where you get like a little bit of sleep yeah rather than just going straight through with no sleep yeah in my opinion mds is actually i forgot but that would probably that's probably top of my bucket list marathon to saba yeah yeah i would say yeah it does look pretty cool yeah i know a couple of people that um have done it over the past couple of years and they say it's yeah and they're they're an amazing company i think because they do so many different ones and it's so accessible for everyone yeah they've kind of commercialized it a little bit yeah they've made a big business out of it yeah so you don't necessarily have to do the legendary which is the one i think you're not allowed i think you have to carry everything with you that's like the whole thing you're not allowed stations bloody hell like would you if you was to do it would you not saying that the other ones aren't yeah i know i know what you're saying the og but like you kind of have to do one in it you kind of have to do yeah it would probably be that yeah i mean i give it a go i think that's what a lot of people forget is like you just give it a go fine like just try but that would take a lot of training i think yeah it's crazy isn't it what the the pressure you build up in your head of what you think other people are going to think if you don't do as well as what you say that you want to do yeah yeah yeah it's crazy i'm like really no one really gives a shit no one cares no one cares no one cares it's also caught up in in their own world yeah to care about like anything so like uh and that's kind of like a good thing you've got to remember that sometimes um like say because i feel like a lot of people like they they bottle it before they even get to the start line because they don't want to fail yeah they'll just like pull out beforehand yeah like it's always worth just giving it a goal and then seeing and failure is so important that's like yeah the only reason why we learn what's been your biggest failure oh god um it's a long list i'd probably say i don't want to call it a failure i think that was a bit mean not failure maybe like learning because like every failure is a learning i'd say just putting a stop to everything like last february um because everything got so crazy to the point so building it up so you obviously socials like blew up yeah how was you mentally not good not good at all and why was that like i don't know if you want to explain like how how it is because it's very hard if you if you've not like experienced it yeah it's difficult to explain I think because like I always I always put it down because I'm like people have real problems like and you're getting upset over pixels on a screen like you need to try to get a grip but I think I had because I was bullied a lot at school and I think I had a lot of those wounds opened when I started socials and you know as your account grows there's like an underbelly of the internet that I was not aware of and all the trolling that happens and I think Like what happened, I started to internalize all of it and I just started to hate myself completely.

33:42Like I couldn't look in the mirror. I was having panic attacks whenever I was like trying to make content. I was like crying in between takes and like it just I wasn't well. And I was ignoring it for so long because I had all these sponsors and I was going to all these events and everything was so great. And I was traveling and, you know, I was like, no, no, no, everything's fine. Like, I don't know why I'm feeling like this. Like you're living the dream. You're literally living the dream. like you just need to keep doing it keep racing keep running keep lifting keep posting like crazy um and the answer was more more more more yeah always do more of it more more more less social life less sleep less less less everything that gives you joy i stopped painting i stopped writing i stopped going to the pub like everything and um i just became completely obsessed with success and I knew that deep down something was really horribly wrong and I kept looking for the answers in everywhere else but work and it just got to a point where yeah my mum was actually like you you you have got to stop like would you say it was like a bit of like you say that you couldn't you got to a point where you couldn't look in the mirror yeah was that like because of like insecurities or was it was it people saying mean stuff or like because like for every 10 comments you get and every 10 nice comments you get you probably get one but it's like mediocre or like offensive yeah that's just how it is but like it's very hard when you don't realize that yeah yeah that's gonna happen like especially at first yeah i think i just hadn't built the resilience yet and because the world the world my following had watched me transform but I'd actually been transforming and I hadn't been present to be the new person yet because I'd just been performing online so I felt like I didn't actually I didn't have a minute to enjoy like my new body being fit feeling free like it was all for the online space and I felt like I just wanted time to just just actually enjoy myself and be happy with my friends and I knew maybe it's just my personality like I'm very all or nothing so I knew that if I had like for example if I had like said okay I'm gonna drop a sponsor or I'm gonna stop the podcast and I'll just focus on something um I knew I would that wouldn't even work because then I'd pick something else up and I'd be like no it's time to write like three books actually like or have this crazy idea or sign up for this so I knew that what needed to happen was an absolute total dead stop um so I disappeared and didn't say goodbye because I couldn't even say goodbye so you're not like I'm done with socials no you just literally just disappeared yeah what what did people say like did you did you still have a phone I assume you still had a phone yeah I didn't look at it I logged out I I didn't look at it for literally you just text like your close mate saying listen listen I've give up social media yeah and you give it up for was the plan when you give it up was it like to give it up forever to give it up for a year to give it up for a couple of months like what was the plan like when you said right this is enough and did you have to like you say you didn't explain to everyone but did you have to explain to like sponsors yeah of course stuff like yeah i did my how did they kind of like take it did they think oh this is great that you've actually like almost like got some balls and done what you wanted to do or was it like hang on a minute like this is not how it works like we're gonna take the sponsorship off you like oh yeah it was kind of half and half like i think at that point i'd i'd made the decision and i knew i was gonna lose like pretty much everything i knew so what what sponsors did you have at the time i had no gymshark pure sport free soul uh shocks and you're making a good living off this yes like you're making very good okay um and i had the podcast as well which i think we had like eight million impressions like it was at the peak um I spoke to them all I spoke to my management you know I spoke to everyone and everyone was like put your health first you know I got a doctor's note I did everything the right way um internally it was all really supportive like I never I didn't expect anyone to like keep me or like because I know how it works it's a treadmill right and then someone new will come along and they'll replace you so I'm not naive to the fact that I would have lost a lot and I did you know I did lose a lot but it nothing is worth your health like nothing is worth your mental health and I just knew that like looking back the happiest I'd been is actually the brokest I'd been and I didn't even have the time to enjoy what I'd built like physically or financially or anything so everyone was pretty understanding you know there were a few people that weren't but I was like well I don't want to work with you then because if you're not gonna like see me as a human being who gets ill and needs to get better then i'm literally just marketing for you and that's not yeah that's not who yeah yeah yeah i have like i'd say a group of girls who listen to the podcast and dm me like kind of every day we chat and i miss them as well and like you know what it's like like we're only in these positions because of the people that follow us and the people that support us and i owed them i owed them something you know and i I knew I'd have to come back and say hello.

39:16And I always said like, we'll just see naturally what happens. And so far it's been really lovely. So what's your life looking like now? I live by the river with my dog and my boyfriend. And I run a little bit, I go to the gym a little bit, hang out with my friends and my parents, do a pub quiz. It's very chill. Yeah, is it a lot more chill than it was before? yeah it's nice like weekends and evenings are very precious and I just say no a lot more and yes to my mates a lot more yeah and in terms of kind of like the fitness side of it what's that looking like now did you and like when you had the year off like did you continue with everything or did you just like no suck it all off yeah I had to stop because I I just over exercised and that really was running way too much and my body just hated it so took a big old break from that um gym as well or did you carry on with the gym stop that as well so stop just walking just walking well and i'm getting back into everything i mean i you know i train here and there to kind of just try and maintain a bit of muscle and and i'd walk the dog a lot but it was such a focus of my life and i was so obsessed with it for so long that i knew I needed to just like completely stop and because it terrified me to stop so I knew I had to like that's you know I was controlling every aspect of my life and I couldn't let go of anything and it was like that's when you just have to I had to drop it all um and yeah now I've started up at the gym with a coach I think my goals are to rebuild a lot of strength first before I start thinking about any races um and we're just doing it sensibly like i go to the gym and i'll train with my coach and a lot of walking less running at the moment um i'd love to run a marathon this year but we'll see i'm not sure which one would that be i'd love to do new york yeah nice november yeah i'd love to do that um early course though it is i know if i know if yeah exactly i love hills i don't know it's just and when people say a marathon is hilly it's not really it's not less like yeah you do a trail marathon trail yeah um so that's kind of the plan is just like make sure to stay happy i think yeah oh that's cool that sounds um i feel like we all need a little bit of that yeah i i hope well at least i've had messages from people and creators saying like dude this is really inspiring like i had no idea that you could actually take a break it's like yeah i took a year dude like a year is a that's quite a long time you know it's a long time people struggle to take like say a week away like i i don't i don't remember the last time i didn't post anything on anything each day yeah right yeah yeah i think i looked at i think i've got like 2 ,400 posts or something on my instagram wow how many years is that like every single day do you ever feel like you need a break um no i'm fully fully addicted to it cool great i just see it as a competition lean in um yeah that was quite toxic but i don't know it's cool man not a competition but it's definitely not but um now we like i always see it as like i just want to um as a team i think collectively i like to surround myself with people that have a passion for whatever they do yeah so like tommy videographer will love to do whatever he wants to well he has a passion for video yeah um emily has a passion for everything that she does and for helping out and doing her best job and uh siobhan the podcast manager like she wants to be the best in what she even down to my barber i always talk about this my barber has a real interest in barbering yeah you don't just barber for no reason yeah and they're the people that i kind of click with and i get on with so like when you're surrounded with them kind of people my coach as well like you all want to do the best so we're all like trying to figure out how can we put out the best stuff and like you say so that just means like we're just looking for inspiration but the problem is that inspiration and looking at all the people or comparing yourself to them all the time can be negative yeah but i think it can be the way that you look at it as well completely i'm not there yet but hopefully one day i'm going to be there rather than i'm not there i'm never going to be as good as them like there's two ways of kind of looking at it yeah um so at the moment i think i absolutely love it yeah um there's definitely you're in your prime yeah for sure but then again like again like this this athlete lifestyle that kind of like we we both live to an extent like it's gonna end someday oh yeah and there is gonna be a downfall like for everyone because when you see it like with uh other people i'm not gonna name names but like people that i used to watch on youtube when i was growing up and you see where they are now and you feel almost like sad for them because like they're not performing like they used to well they're not even they're not performing or that like like you say it's a treadmill someone else has got on that treadmill and kick you off oh yeah yeah and some people like if you don't do if you don't build like potentially a personal brand or if you don't um build other things in your life it might not be fitness but it might be other things and work on other things then you're gonna have a massive hole when that finally goes definitely and that's what we're trying to do now with other things including like you say a podcast can be timeless it can live on for longer hopefully longer than we can run and you get to sit still while you exactly which is so nice exactly so um but um now so at the moment like but there are days where you're like yeah overwhelmed and yeah but it's great you have the right team that's so important yeah that's important do you feel like you said you said that you had a team before do you prefer having like a big team where like because that's a stressor as well i don't know if you found that like like because then you're thinking oh well they make their money because we're making money and if we stop making money then they won't have any money so then you're like oh shit like like you're providing for more people now yeah you like it now where it's like maybe like you know you've got yourself yeah you've got probably a couple of people around you yeah um like how do you think about that yeah it's much nicer like um like having a tighter circle much nicer it's me and my two best girlfriends um sweet we call ourselves the brain cell and that's it that's it like that's the circle of trust and my dad oh does he help out yeah he helps a lot yeah that's pretty sick yeah yeah he's great so there are people that i literally i've known for years and i trust trust is a big thing for me um i need to be able to trust people and uh yeah they're great and they don't ask me or pressure me to do anything um but they make me believe in myself you know because I did do some pretty cool stuff and I have done some cool stuff and I forget that sometimes um and it's it's treading that line between you know because I I want to push people to be extraordinary and to reach new heights and to lock in and you know optimize and I think there's such a space for that but I'm also at the same time still trying to like heal my own relationship with myself so it's just finding a balance between that in the moment but I have no expectations and no rules so it's just happening and I'll see do you find a lot of people that are in your position do a lot of people message you yeah and where they've either been in your position and what kind of like advice do you give to them I think it's difficult because I I obviously had a great privilege in the fact that I was able to stop you know and that's like it's amazing that I was able to live with my parents and like I had the right help and the right support in place and actually towards the end my team were telling me like dude you need to this you need to stop like so so they started coming before yeah yeah i think everyone did um i think more than anything it's giving people permission to i don't want to say give up but like acquiesce is the word i always use just like let it go because social media does drive the narrative nowadays of like more more more and sometimes that can break people especially people who are maybe a little bit more fragile than others because we all we're all different we all need different kinds like modalities of working out mental health everything we all need different kinds of encouragement and a lot of my followers are more of the persuasion of gentle encouragement works better self-forgiveness works better so I've had loads of people message and say oh my god like I was driving myself into the ground and you were at the peak and you stopped and that inspired me to even just take this weekend off my phone or I've deleted Instagram for a month or you know I'm already feeling calmer about things so I'm glad that it's had that effect and I hope that more creators or just more people who are killing themselves and putting so much pressure on themselves that like it is okay to put yourself first you know like everything will be okay it's just it's your health is so important more important than followers or anything will ever be yeah like how do you go about finding the right people because i feel like that's what people struggle with the most is like they say don't they that you're like your result are the five people that you surround yourself with yeah um and you need them people to be good but like how do you go about finding them i think you just maybe going to things places where you can meet like-minded people like run clubs that kind of thing if you're looking for friends but if you're looking for people to trust like in business or socials or whatever I think it's always just good to look at like okay what are their intentions truly and is what they're asking me to do making me feel good about myself you know it's a it's a it's a hard world and um it can feel a bit like there are sharks circling I'm sure you know what that's like but um you've just got to make sure you protect yourself so even if it's just you have one person who who is not a yes man and will actually say like that's not good that's not a good contract that's not a good deal um that could be life-saving genuinely yeah that's i think that's the one the guy that or the girl that is not scared of an awkward conversation with you yeah and i'll call you out on your bullshit yeah and if you're not performing or if you're not doing something right they're the first to say it yeah and they might technically have something wrong with them because like they just say what they think yeah but uh i'd like to say i can i can think of one person in my yeah my little circle that uh that definitely does that and like you say if uh if i perform what bad at a competition he's the first person to say cut this bullshit out that you did that i've seen you doing this week or whatever that didn't work or this and your training didn't work there's nothing really about it but like you say it keeps you humble keeps you grounded and it's definitely the person that a go-to for advice as well same because always you need the truth man who's that in your life then probably my boyfriend now and my dad um yeah sometimes you just need someone to tell you about yourself you know yeah you're like okay yeah better better fix up going back to the running so if someone's like looking into getting into running obviously inspired to start what pieces of advice would you kind of give I would say the most important piece of gear you'll ever have is your mindset and that is like the thing you should start with always is just like building that resilience building that bravery and that endurance in your mind to be able to like open the door and go out and try because I think all of us have the habit of buying things and then saying you're going to do something and not doing it so I'd say like don't look at social media if you're a beginner beginner don't look at social media at least not all the time try to release all of that kind of stuff and remember it is just you and your brain that's going to make you run um I'd say start slow and start really small start walking like I started walking um set a goal of half a kilometer if you can uh or even a quarter of a kilometer um or even in between trees or cars or however you want to measure it uh it's easy to think in miles or kilometers or 5ks or 10ks but your first kilometer run on its own without stopping is massive that's such a huge achievement um i'd say celebrate yourself celebrate your goals that's a big thing how did you celebrate right uh I think probably back then it would have been like probably chocolate or something like that or mum would have yeah I think mum and dad were just like so supportive they would have done something um yeah I remember actually when I I've I've been a qualified PT for five years now when I passed my exams they had like um music playing and like streamers and everything when I came in so they've been like a real just like such a rock for me my dad actually ran 200 meters for Northern Ireland when he was younger oh cool which is a piece of lore he dropped about 10 months ago and I was like oh I thought we didn't have any athletes in the family but that's great kept that from you all the time I was like I knew the calves were doing something um but yeah I think take it slow be kind to yourself be forgiving of yourself um don't compare yourself I know these are all like you know we hear this all the time but really it's just you you versus you you know um and you never know where it could take you ever like you'd be so surprised so i think just give it a go open the door going back to what you said then like you know you we're all guilty of like buying something um maybe it's a new pair of shoes because then you'll go out running instead of like doing that why don't you say to yourself like if i do something for a month straight then i get the shoes the reward yeah rather than because then like the hardest thing is starting oh yeah like it's the hardest thing is getting out the door once you're out the door like yeah it's fine yeah did you find that like even even at the start like you say like the the first thing was oh yeah putting on your shoes yeah yeah yeah i mean i would be panicking about leaving the house for longer than i was out of the house you know i'd be like walking in circles being like procrastinating uh what shoes am i gonna wear like and still sometimes i get stuck in that loop and it's crazy i like people think that like people who run a lot don't procrastinate yeah I feel like we're procrastinating more than anyone.

54:24All the time. But yeah, that's the hardest part. It takes an hour sometimes to get going to do a session. Yeah, and it's like a 45-minute session. Yeah. Every week with intervals for me. Yeah. Oh, I hate intervals. Oh, I'm going to be in pain for this hour. Yeah. But people don't think that happens. Yeah. It definitely does. Oh, yeah, all the time. Like, all the time. Like, you're never going to be perfect. It doesn't exist. so i think as well it's like you know when you make mistakes or you fuck up or you procrastinate like that's all just a part of it and everyone does that so if you stop every time you make a mistake you're never gonna get anywhere what goes through your head when you're doing the ultra marathons so when you're in an ultra i assume there's times where you're like ah like you're going through a low and you're like ah i want to give up is there anything that you think what do you have like any demons that you go through do you have like are you thinking happy thoughts are you thinking like what are you thinking i mean i wish i could i wish i could say i had like a goggins demon fighter monologue here but i do tend to just live in a fantasy world so it will either be like lord of the rings dune whatever i'm feeling at the day usually lord of the rings and i'll put soundtracks on and i'll just be like like a lass for a bit or i'll pretend to be a horse that's another one that works they tend to be a horse can you explain this oh okay yeah i just i loved horses growing up and do you like to start running on all fours yeah that's exactly what happens someone dangles a carrot and i'm like okay i'll finish um no because i just feel like horses can run really far so i'm like i'm a horse i'm gonna run really far so that's what you're thinking like say 50 kilometers in to 100k you're thinking i'm a horse running down the thames path no obviously there's i've had so many amazing poetic moments where i'm thinking about like all the stuff i've been through to get to that point but sometimes no that's class i love it i've never heard anyone say that yeah i think it's like it's well it's because visualization has like that's how i've done everything i've done like especially with like my physique and everything it's all been like if you can see it you can do it kind of thing so when it does come to hard parts of races I usually just visualize the end like seeing my family getting the medal stopping and eating um so it's visualization something you've used throughout throughout yeah yeah what you just think of yeah it's like if I can see it which I usually can because I I learned through looking at things and watching things um and I have quite in active imagination so I've always been able to like like I have goals for this year um for like places I want to live and things I want to do and animals that I want that I can visualize it so clearly in my mind like this farm or whatever that I know I'm going to get it because everything I've ever visualized I've always got it always never never failed so I just think if you can use the power of your mind's eye that's like a future version of you that's already got it so you just got to go do it and it will happen you know so do you visualize every step so you're visualizing the end goal say for example like you say it's running finishing the ultra are you then visualizing every step like the just the end just the end just the end goal yeah because then i kind of trust myself to throw myself into the journey and i'll figure it out because i know i get there okay if that makes any sense no no definitely like say throughout every kind of like i think that I've spoke to like it's very very strong yeah like visualization is like one of the keys yeah I think the secret that I've come across that most people have in common common that are successful is that they just have this confidence yeah and it's however you get that confidence and visualizing you winning yeah are you doing something yeah impressive yeah is a way that you can have confidence and you're like oh I'm gonna attack this yeah you have to be delusional yeah completely delusional i like how you said that yeah i can't really say that yeah i can't say if someone's deluded but uh no it's right though isn't it yeah you have to be delusional about things completely yeah which is interesting because like i feel like people from the uk are like scared of being delusional oh yeah like scared of like saying what they want or saying what they want to achieve and it's kind of like oh you're gonna get outed if you don't achieve what you're going to do yeah um so people like hold back and they're like oh yeah they're aiming for say for example a marathon they're aiming for a time they know full well that they're going to hit a time and they'll say that they're going to try and go for 15 minutes slower than their time yes because they're scared of failing yeah because of what other people think yeah whereas like you go to different countries you go to america they'll go 15 minutes faster yeah exactly and it's just but it's that kind of like self-confidence thing that like let's say it kind of builds that winning mindset definitely yeah it's it's it's it's harder in the uk i notice like people do tend to tear each other down a little bit more there's a bit of like tall poppy syndrome that goes on um and in the states at least the time that i've spent there i've always felt like i can do a bit more because people are just so like you know they really hyped they champion themselves they're like i can do anything you know um probably not great if like you're interviewing someone for a job yeah because they're like fuck i can do everything and you're like oh tell us the truth yeah whereas in the uk they're just like oh i'm all right at this i'm all right at this and really they're a genius yeah yeah yeah we do do ourselves down um no it's it's interesting um in terms of kind of like because i'm really curious about this so obviously you went through this huge transformation what were your eating habits like throughout like the full process did they change at all like your mindset towards food has it always been okay has it always been healthy was it a time where like you you've uh binged on food was the time where like you had to sort that out or and what are you like now yeah i mean it's been up and down for sure um i did struggle with binging when i was younger just with everything like alcohol food all of it um so that took a while to get a handle on what do you think was kind of like the the key thing that kind of like like you say made you kind of like put on weight was it like you say you you might be struggling with like self-confidence or mindset or something going on in your life but like would do you think it was down to you overeating or over drinking or both i'd say the food definitely yeah yeah because it was such a comfort to me i think being bullied so badly growing up it becomes like a self self-fulfilling prophecy where you feel so crap because people make you feel crap that you eat crap and then you feel like you don't deserve it and it's just like a cycle that goes on what were the foods that you'd like snack on oh mate i don't even i can't even remember now yeah i just that's in the basement i don't think about those memories but um yeah i think the only way that i was able to break out of that was setting goals that's the only way um to be able to get yeah to just build the momentum to have other parts of my life that were flourishing and then almost after a while it it just doesn't cross your mind anymore you know and then when you did begin to like this transformation and you start to lose weight was obviously you was exercising more so your output was going up i'm just thinking about the science here like did you restrict heavily or did you kind of like just eat carry on eating what you're eating or was you just eating more whole foods or yeah i first of all i didn't i didn't start exercising i first of all looked at my food all right okay yes that was the first thing i did was i went to therapy so i got help with my eating um do you think that's the for someone potentially in that position that's the easiest way to start yeah like looking at the food yeah because at the end of the day like you're not having to put you are putting effort and obviously it's very hard to restrict yourself but you're not physically doing more yeah yeah yeah it's kind of just stopping yeah i think if you don't have a good and healthy foundation and relationship with food everything else is going to be on like a shaky foundation i think it's so so important in both sides of my life from when i was overweight to now i have like quite a big output and i need to eat properly for it you've got to have a good relationship with it and i think i did it the right way where i wasn't tracking food and it took me a long i think i must have like not started exercising for like a year while I was trying to sort that out like really really sort that out um because like I say I'm an all-or-nothing person so I knew that like if I had a bad relationship with food it was going to get really bad so you know if you imagine how I was with alcohol then how am I going to be if I start restricting it's not good and I know that about myself so I worked really hard on that really mainly it was just trying to get myself to eat whole foods that was the main thing like three meals a day well it was kind of like the typical diet uh usually like overnight oats in the morning or like oatmeal of some kind bagel for lunch protein bars and then like my mom is an amazing cook she is a cook she's a chef so blessings but um it would usually just be like meat to veg super boring super simple and I realized then that it had to be boring to work so I just ate the same thing every day and I I still can't eat the same thing unless we go out to dinner, which love.

1:04:03You all have dinner like as a family? Yeah. Yeah. How important do you think that is? Like, do you think that is? So important. Yeah. So, so important to sit down, especially without the TV. Like family dinners are always my favorite, you know. Yeah. I think having that like shame spiral around food where it was like very secretive to then, you know, I remember like I come home from like running three kilometers, burst through the door and be like, guys guess what I did and it's like you feel proud and they're proud and then you all have dinner together and it's so lovely and yeah I think food is for me at least now it's like something that can be shared and something that doesn't even cross my mind like I don't think about it which I think is a really healthy thing yeah no that's cool I think food should be like part of a celebration yeah yeah yeah it's a cool thing I think that's the only kind of because for for me like my life is quite regimented i get most of my enjoyment out of like sitting down with my the people that i love and eating good food yeah because i don't drink i don't go out and party i don't you know do anything my bedtime's at nine yeah i'm every night like um i don't stay up late so like uh the thing that i love is like food and try new foods as well yeah i think but i think it's much healthier and you can't really binge when a lot of people are about no like because they'd be like what what the hell are you doing yeah so like uh i feel like it's good to yeah it's community like community is everything it's like so important for our health so if you can share food or make sure you've got good people around you do you cook yourself now yeah yeah yeah yeah i love what's your go-to meals um i have like a pesto steak pesto steak yes it's like a you're making me hungry now pesto steak it's like uh go to the book i get one of my meat from the butchers lovely steak fry it medium rare like chop it up bed of rocket um pesto over the top chips very nice now we're talking then i do like a nice lamb uh lamb with pomegranate uh and then i make my own flatbreads out of like yogurt and self-raising and then i have like a nice yogurt sauce gonna have to go to like a lebanese restaurant and then lemon lemon pasta which is my favorite which is like a parmesan lemon lemon rind and then some kind of seafood like a nice prawn spaghetti loads of butter so much butter so that's probably my favorite to cook oh i love that what do you see yourself doing in like five 10 years time i would like to be on a farm far away from people okay in the uk no no no somewhere hot i think okay um with animals i'd like to be more creative in my career so whether like painting or writing uh i'd like that to be a bigger part of my life and i'd like to have done some pretty cool races um i've got lots of really exciting things happening this year um coming up which i'm terrified for but we're gonna just try when you said anywhere else you said somewhere hot is there any kind of like countries that you'd probably spain or portugal spain or portugal yeah yeah yeah and would you ever do any other kind of like sporting events so like you say you you've done ultras you want to do marathon disabled marathon disabled you want to do utmb is there any other kind of like thing that you want to do well i'm sitting here with you and i've just watched you do high rocks so probably the high rocks i think i'd like to try yeah i've never done a sled push or a wall ball well you don't throw it that way you throw it all okay i'll learn what about burpee oh god do you have to do those yeah burpee bra jumps it's probably the the uncoolest thing yeah that's pretty late as well i'm kidding no no no it's true and it's pretty mad really because like when you're doing it as well like you're doing it on this 80 meter length of carpet and everyone has burpied there before you like that's sweaty and then you put your head down and like basically in someone's sweat i remember a friend was like my friend was like this is why everyone gets ill after a high rocks because they're all like putting in the face in this just all the fluids are mixing around when you think about that but um i've not really sold hyroxid ever no doesn't i might stick with the romantic ultra yeah yeah no hyroxid is good i think you should do it once i'd love to try i'd recommend doing it with a friend first doubles yeah yeah doubles it's much more fun see i know the word doubles doubles there we go and then if you if you want a challenge do it on your yeah on your own it's a it's a lot more humbling would you ever do you strike me in someone that potentially might do something like a speed project like oh yeah i'd love to do the speed project yeah yeah that's like yeah i'd love to do that if you had like a who would you want to do it with do you have like a obviously lucy savannah i don't know if you know savannah yeah um sav probably zanna i'd say probably us four would be good yeah sick keep it all girly yeah no that's cool that's cool you'll have to you'll have to arrange it but yeah yeah it's a pretty cool thing yeah that's one of my favorite things yeah it just looks amazing you did it right yeah i've done it twice and then i did we did one on our own as well yeah we just made up one and just went around across iceland yeah yeah oh sick yeah it's pretty cool to be fair wow um but yeah how do you come up with these ideas like of things that you want to do do they come to you in your sleep or are you uh i've got a couple of good ideas hopefully red bull are going to help me with some okay pretty pretty real random ones that i think to be fair we couldn't mention them because no not mention them no we'll keep it not allowed yeah tell me after yeah i'll tell you after but um i don't know that's where i like that's where my eyes lit up like i love competing competing great yeah but like doing like mad shit yeah it's just like yeah yeah yeah yeah it's fun yeah i'm luckily supported by a brand that likes to do magic as well so hopefully uh yeah you'll be able to make it work yeah but thank you for today I really appreciate it it was great to uh have you on yeah and um best of luck with everything that you have going on because like you say it's uh it's super inspiring and you're gonna crush it thank you thank you