1057: Nina Aouilk | Ending Forced Marriage and Honor Killings Part One

21:47Yeah, so as I always say, my life was very normal. I was a happy-go-lucky child, as happy as I could be. But when I got to 14, I'm changing as a young girl. I'm developing. By this time, we've got this gorgeous dog. We had a little doggy in our life, and I describe her as my only friend. She also gave me a lot of warmth in bed on a cold night. And because she was there, sometimes I didn't want to get up. You know, I didn't want to wake up. But my job was to cook and clean for the rest of the family. And I remember my mum coming in the room many a night from the age of probably seven upwards. My dad would come back with multiple friends, eight friends normally.

22:22And, you know, my culture, we don't say names. So if one of them was called Jordan, I would call him Uncle, never Jordan. It's not because he's related, blood related or any way related. We just, out of respect, don't say their names. On this particular night, I was super tired. My hormones were kicking in. I didn't want to get up. And I believe that we have this system that's a little messaging system, little people almost running inside just going, no, no, no, no, no, don't do it. You know, that fight or flight thing. And this particular night, as soon as I woke up, I had it. Almost like a tingling sixth sense that it's not going to be good.

22:56Whatever's going to happen today, something bad will happen. But I knew also there was no way out. I had to go down those grand stairs that we had. I had to cook the food. I had to take it in. And in my childhood, a lot of people have memories of a toy or a car, you know, or I don't know, a duvet or a blankie. In my childhood, I have a very prominent memory of a white, huge oval tray. Like a food tray? Like a food tray. So it was a serving tray and it had like silver handles on the end. And that was my symbolism of childhood, I guess, because I spent so much time holding this tray. And, you know, I remember using the tray to pick up the food, drop off the food.

23:37And, you know, my father was in the front room, which where the guests are, because we always have a guest room and a family room. I remember walking in, looking at the patterns on the carpet, because I was very daydreamy, and I probably still am. I'm walking in to pick up the dishes because he's called me. I remember that night they were awfully drunk because they were continuously making noise, and, you know, it was very loud. Are these all also Indian guys, or is it like white guys in a random collection of your dad's friends? Or were your dad's friends all from the same culture? No, they were all from my father's culture.

24:09and it was like a little meet that they would have because they lived in different areas so they would all get together every Friday or Saturday and go down to the pub and completely get hammered I guess as we call it and come back to my father's because he was the one with the bars so he had the alcohol and I would provide the food because my mum would wake me up and when I did go in on this occasion I remember my father touching me for the very first time he'd never held my hand or brushed my hair or in your life in my life I was 14. I don't even know what to make of that. I can't. How is that possible?

24:43I mean, I guess that speaks for itself. I think that was normality, as I keep saying for me back then. I know now, looking back, it's not right. None of it. At the time, it's just the way it is. You know, it's that my life. I'm picking my daughter up so often she pushes me away because she's sick of me. It's what we tell ourselves, I think, as well. And I was telling myself that was normality. But on this particular night, I was scared. I'll be honest. I was actually scared. and I walked in my head down and I have the tray in my hand and as I said he's the first time he touched me by grabbing my wrist and when he grabbed my wrist with such force the tray fell and yeah it's starting for me too I'm not gonna lie and my father's an ex-professional wrestler so he was very strong you know he's well known for his wrestling at that time he was on tv and all sorts, but he used that force to, and I was only a small child because I was not fed well, I wasn't eating, but he threw me onto a low table like the one we have in front of us.

25:42And he was the first person to rape me. You know, he kept his hand over my mouth. Your father? Kept me pressed down by holding me down. You know, he held my hand for the first time. I couldn't open my eyes and I didn't want to. So I kept them wide shut, But I was passed from person to person. I was thrown around the room, literally. I was spat upon. I was bitten. I was punched. I was kicked. I was almost punished, I feel, for being a girl. But every man had... Can we have tissues, please? I've got mine. Oh, you've got? I've got mine. I was literally thrown around with such a force that I lost consciousness a few times.

26:30I don't know what a normal rape is, and I'll probably get in trouble for saying this, but it didn't feel normal at all for the way I was being gang raped. And, you know, there was a level of aggression they were using with me whereby it was almost like they were frustrated and they were taking it out on me. You know, I remember somebody nearly breaking my arm and I was sure my arm was broken until the next day. But there was not one part of my body that wasn't covered in blood or a cut or a bruise or lots of bite marks. It's truly psychotic. And it's shocking that a group, I mean, I don't even know where to begin.

27:08Your father was involved in this. One of my questions was, where was your dad? But he was there. I mean, he took part in this. And these men all knew you. And they all knew you were a child. And they'd all met you many times before. It's just, I can't wrap my mind around this. I remember on the night wanting to scream. But I think all the screams were internalized. It was almost like I'd lost any hope that I ever had. How did your mother, she must have known this was happening. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people do ask that question. And my brothers and my mother were all upstairs asleep. But I don't think you could have slept through that level of noise.

27:41No. Because they were exceptionally loud. And, you know, there were plates being broken because of the force I was being thrown around. And bottles being thrown around that didn't necessarily break, but the noise was still happening. and it's early hours of the morning so the world's asleep apart from this one room where the sacks are taking place and I just didn't know how to stop it I didn't know what to do I kind of just allowed it I guess because I didn't know what else I could do well what could you have done a 14 year old girl against a bunch of grown men I mean it's you didn't stand a chance how did your mother respond after the attack I mean she I ended up waking up I didn't know when I passed out I have no idea.

28:24I remember that a lot of people left and some people stayed on because they wanted to carry on with this rape, this attack. And the ones that had stayed back were quite violent. I remember that. They were exceptionally violent. My mother woke me up in the morning because she opened and closed the door so many times, such a force. I just woke up by the noise. So I remember my head was facing, I think the right, and I remember seeing the wall. I remember seeing the food on the wall. I remember seeing broken plates. I remember thinking to myself, I'm in so much trouble. How am I going to get out of this now?

28:58I'm going to be punished. I felt I had done something wrong. You feel like you're the cause of everything because you're the bad spirit. You're the person who's brought it upon us. You had some influence, but you don't understand that you are the innocent party, that you're actually a victim. I didn't see that. My mother got me to get up. I got up. I wasn't dressed from my waist down. And she told me to go and wash, which I did. And when I came down, she handed me a bucket and told me to clean the room up. And I cleaned it. And I remember looking back thinking it looks like nothing's ever happened here, but it still is happening within me.

29:34And I slept for days after, but no one really checked on me. No one was really bothered. Wow. I would assume after that, anytime people came over to the house, you were terrified? My legs would shake. I had to carry on the same thing every Friday or Saturday. I would see the same people, not physically, but I knew their presence. I would hear them. My instinct was constantly flinching. I was flinching because I was scared. Scared because I didn't want it to happen again. I almost felt their eyes upon me, even though I wasn't looking up. You ended up pregnant from this assault, correct? Yeah, I got to 15 and I realized I was pregnant.

30:12And, you know, back then at my In my schooling, there wasn't a lot about pregnancies and not a lot. I don't even think we were told about periods. And I went home and told my mother that I was pretty sure my periods had stopped. She was the one who told me I was pregnant and I'd brought it upon myself and that I was disgusting, that I should be ashamed of myself. So I was ashamed because she told me I should be. And that led to an abortion. and it's another real clear memory in my mind because not because of the procedure you know I remember the procedure and the sort of stainless steel looking type of trolley things they put us on made us lie down the gowns I remember it all but what I remember the most is when I'm sitting on a grass verge dressed in a hospital gown with all the other women but I'm not a woman I'm a child I'm a small girl and I'm looking around and thinking how nice the grass felt and how the countryside was really nice because we'd travel to go to this place and maybe that's the reason I love the country I don't know because I found some sort of peace but it was a lady that brought over a cup of tea which you know very British thing but I'd never been given anything in my life not a present not a birthday card nothing and it was the love that she extended just by handing me this cup of tea and it had a biscuit on the side and I remember thinking how evil are you for her to do that but more than that she actually stroked my hair like I really wanted my mother to do my father and she made me think about kindness and I still carry that with me now and I wanted to be like her I wanted to be kind but I also started to question how evil I was inside because she hadn't caught anything she hadn't you know withered and died in front of me because she touched me, she'd made contact.

32:10So that for me was life changing. That's so interesting. That small act of kindness changed your entire perception of yourself. It did. If you have an abortion in a culture like this, does that cause problems later on or is it a big secret? How does that work? It's a huge taboo, you know, getting pregnant, having sex is a huge taboo. If I'm being honest, I was probably one of the most naivest 15, 14 year old girls there was. I didn't really know. I didn't have terminologies. Now you have terminologies for different things, but I didn't have it then. I just knew that it was wrong and I felt wrong.

32:45I didn't like who I was. But my parents on the way home were saying that, you know, now she can't have an arranged marriage. And looking back on it, I couldn't have an arranged marriage because of them. It was never because of the abortion. But I actually thought it was because of the abortion. And my Mother's very upset and almost to a point frustrated with my father and me to say that how can she carry on going to the temple? She loves to go to the temple. People will laugh at her now. It's all about other people. It's not just in my culture. It's in many cultures where it matters about what everyone else thinks and your choices are often influenced by that because you don't think about yourself and you're feeling guilty for thinking about yourself.

33:26So I took it upon myself that I was this problem and that they didn't know what to do with me and I would take my own life because I didn't really want me because they didn't want me. But no one in my life had ever really shown me they wanted me. I was always a hindrance. So I did, after a couple of days, I did take an attempt on my life by an overdose, but it didn't work, obviously, because I'm sat here. But I'd got to a point where I realised, you know, I wasn't happy at all. Life wasn't normal. And I went through a very depressive phase in my life. Understandably. It just baffles me, probably shouldn't, but it baffles me that your father would allow this to happen and then be upset at the consequences that were clearly foreseeable and obvious.

34:14It's not like he didn't. I mean, he must have known this is going to happen as a result of this. And then again, I can't make sense of it at all. You know, like you tell yourself something and you believe it. I feel that's their thing. You know, my father told himself it wasn't him. It was my fault. So he believed it. And I feel that's why the narrative continued in that way. That what will we do? How will we make this? She's brought it upon herself. You know, I believe that's why he said it so many times that he believed it. Even now he says I'm a liar because he believes it. In his eyes, he's done nothing wrong.

34:47But we can't take that away from him. That's what he believes. But we know it's wrong. He's obviously got psychopathy or something. I mean, there's no, nobody rapes their own daughter and then thinks, oh, this is normal. I don't care what culture. It doesn't make any sense. You've read all the holy books. I'm pretty sure that's a taboo in every single one of those books. I could be wrong. Your parents say they're going to, what, send you abroad? So the agreement they made was they would send me to India. So many girls get taken out of school in the UK, in America, in Australia, all over the world, they are taken away at a certain age and sent to India and people get told they've gone to stay with relatives.

35:25No one really questions it, the teachers don't question why. But the purpose of that is either to keep them in, say, Pakistan, for instance, it's a case I've dealt with recently, where the girl will get sent there at the age of 15, impregnated, she'll stay there, she'll be forced to live with her spouse, up to an age where she can come back after 21 they'll bring her back because no one's going to ask questions of what's happened in that meantime she'll come back with children she'll come back with her husband and their job's done you know she's settled now as they call it but with me they were thinking about sending me to India to kill me because I had brought shame you know my whole being was bringing shame but that didn't happen because somebody stepped in to say they would take me and I was 15 and it was one of the men that stayed behind to continuously rape me he said he would have me if my father paid him.

36:14So they came over, I was called down. We have a ceremony where a veil is placed upon your head. And it's an engagement. I didn't know what was going on. I look at the photos now and I'm very upset because I see myself looking down, scared, not knowing what's happening. And I feel for that picture almost, that girl, to know what's coming next for her. But it was all part of my journey, I understand also. But I was traded to one of the men that raped me, my father's friend, and I was traded to him for sexual reasons. My father paid him a lot of money in cash and gold, also appliances for their kitchens, because we didn't really have them back then.

36:59We're talking about the early 80s, late 80s rather. And I went there under the condition that I would marry his son in a sham wedding because his son was similar age to me, but he had a girlfriend already from a white British background, which is taboo. So for the sake of face in the community, it would look like he'd married me and everyone would win from this apart from me, I guess. My mother-in-law wanted me as a domestic servant and my mother was happy with that because it's what I did already. I'd been perfectly trained. So that's what happened. And I got traded at 15 and I was married at 16, turning 17.

37:39And I have to say it was the most horrific four years of my life. If you like this episode of the show, I invite you to do what other smart and considerate listeners do, which is take a moment and support our amazing sponsors. They make the show possible. All the deals, discount codes, and ways to support the show are all searchable and clickable over at jordanharbinger.com slash deals. And if you can't remember the name of a sponsor, you can't find a code, please do email me jordan at jordanharbinger.com. I am more than happy to surface that code for you. It is that important that you support those who support the show.

38:07Now, back to Nina Oak. This is so unbelievable. So this is happening, folks who are listening to this, this is not happening in India. If you are working out and you miss this, this is happening in the United Kingdom. A little girl got traded for a microwave and a toaster. I mean, I don't mean to be flipping about it, but this sounds totally ridiculous. And you were supposed to be married to the son, but really you were essentially a slave for the father. and he was already married. This is an off-the-books wedding, right? I assume it's like just a private transaction. Yeah, it was never legalized.

38:39I didn't have a, I don't know what you call it, but a registry wedding, we call them back home. So it was never registered, but it was all done in the temple and there was a party afterwards. I was sent home because I wasn't part of the party, which was a rare thing as well. Not many people did that. They would allow the bride to sit there. Whether she wanted to be there or not, she would sit there, but I wasn't. and that showed the level of the way my father and mother saw me you know I remember walking into my in-law's house they stripped me in front of everyone which was humiliating so I was a young girl who felt embarrassed but it was to almost shame me in front of her guests say I have control over this person and the room I was given was the downstairs room which was just like a little cupboard hole like a cubby hole thing and there was a tiny little bed the whole house was tiny compared to my parents which I realised how well off my parents were at this point.

39:30There was no grand staircase that I could sit at the bottom of and look at my dog from the top. You know there was none of that. My dog obviously wasn't with me and I felt really alone. I felt very much lost is the only way I can describe it. I was given this little room without the door because my father-in-law had access to me without too much noise so he would come down sometimes four, five o 'clock in the morning. He was probably the most strangest character I've met today. He was very aggressive and controlling, but he would do things like strip me, sit me on the floor and tie me up with a coat hanger and the metal would dig into my skin.

40:07But it was just so that he would leave the house. They would all leave the house and he wanted to see if I'd stayed in the same place. And I was so scared. I wouldn't even cry because they might be able to tell from my eyes I've been crying. But there was no way of me asking for help because in my culture we're taught not to ask for help. We're taught to stay quiet and obedient and there's a shame of saying somebody's done something sexual to me, there's a stigma. It's just something we almost internalise and never allow anyone to know has happened. And that's not just in my culture. I'm learning that a lot of victims do this because they feel they're not good enough.

40:41There's a lot of us out there that think that and I'm here to prove them that they are good enough. One thing that just is sticking to my craw here, you get married in this sham wedding or this off the books wedding in the temple and no one thinks this is a little weird that a 14, 15 year old girl is getting married. I was actually 16. 16. But it's still weird. Even in the 80s, it's weird. People won't speak out. You know, it's that uncomfortable conversation they don't want to have. They'll whisper. There'll be lots of whispers and gossip. Like, isn't she too young for this? Well, maybe Maybe she's pregnant with the boys.

41:13Well, a lot of the gossip was that I had a love marriage at that time because I knew the boy through the family. So a lot of people said it was a love marriage. I remember standing at one time and people behind me saying this. And I thought to myself, is it a love marriage? Because, you know, I was so influenced. I was like, is it a love marriage? And I just sort of catch myself saying, no, it's not silly. You know, you're not wanting to get married. I'm always romanticizing every situation, every thing. And I don't know. I always used to think it can't be that bad until I got there and realized how bad it was.

41:41But my mother-in-law was exceptionally mean to me. She was very cruel. She would stab me with scissors. But my mum would occasionally do that as well. Growing up, she didn't do it as much. I mean, my mum would do it when I would go near her when she was sewing and she would try and push me out of the way so she would use the scissors. But this lady, she was deliberately getting the scissors to poke me. I'd sit there, she would just poke me really hard with them and it hurt. Of course. It was the whole thing of me being in the kitchen as the servant, cooking up the meal, and she would deliberately open the drawers into me, you know, with a force.

42:12But it was more than that, you know, she had a real anger within her that she would project upon me. And it was the whole, I talked about it before, but it's the whole denying me of food. I didn't really have food as a child, but I thought when I got here, I'd be able to plate myself up a meal. and I mistakenly, it's one of the regrets I have in life, I'll be honest, doing this because it lives with me and it's so painful that I'm not sure even how to get rid of it and I'm good at getting rid of everything. But she would wait for me to plate my food and then take the food and the plate and throw it into the dustbin and then she would push my head into the bin and tell me that it's not your father's house that you think you can eat here and she would make me eat out of the dustbin.

43:00You know what? I used to start eating because part of me is hungry, part of me is scared. But you get to the point where you just kind of give up on everything. I got to the point I'd given up wanting to eat or even wanting to be there. This whole situation is so bizarre, right? Because I have no sympathy for somebody who abuses anyone like that. But on the other hand, surely something must have happened. This may be something similar it happened to this woman. I mean, do you ever think about that? Because not to excuse any of her behavior, but normal people don't do that. I feel that she was angry because her husband was raping me.

43:36Well, yeah. I feel that she was angry because I was young. I was younger than her, maybe prettier than her. But a lot of women in my culture hold this kind of anger within them. And anger is normally born out of frustration, as you know. So, I mean, I can't put myself in their shoes because I'm not them. But maybe the way they have been treated, they're frustrated with it and they don't know who else to project it upon apart from the girl that comes into the family or their own daughters because that's what happened to them. So it's that repetitive cycle. It doesn't mean it's okay. It doesn't mean it's condoned behavior.

44:09It just means that if they don't know any different, they're going to carry on this cycle of abuse. Tell me about this bride burnings phenomenon. This is something that I'd never heard of until you remember. Yeah, it's very common. And it's sad to say that it was very common in sort of the early 90s, which is where I'm at now because I was there for four years, whereby brides would be imported. I'm going to use that word deliberately so people don't have a problem understanding what I'm talking about, but they would bring a bride in from Pakistan or India or wherever it would be. And the girl would end up having a daughter.

44:41They used to actually, it's going to be really hard for listeners to hear this, but if a baby girl was born at that time, they used to bag the baby up and suffocate it. Oh my God. And then they would bury the babies. And I know this because my mother was one of the places they would come to have the babies when I was little. Was she a midwife or doula or whatever? No, there would be a collection of them, there'd be lots of them. And I think they would go from houses to houses. So sometimes it would be our house. She would be there and I would be there. Obviously I'd be doing the maid service, you know, the domestic service.

45:12So I'd be told, go and bring this, go and bring that. And I knew what was going on. And that also made me feel very grateful that I was alive. because I knew they were killing the girls, but they would bury them in the gardens. What? So in the backyard for people who are, because we say backyard, I don't know why I say garden, even if there's a garden there, they would bury a plastic bagged baby in the yard. If it's a girl, yeah. Because there were no abortions happening that people really could afford then either. Sure. And there was no way of scanning if it's a boy or a girl. So these girls were having baby girls going back to the Burning Bride.

45:47And because they were having baby girls, they would then think it's a baby making machine formed as a woman that's providing only girls. We need to get rid of her. Not understanding it's the male that makes the decisions on these things. And they would pour petrol over the brides. Sorry. This is so disgusting. I would be walking home from work sometimes and I could smell the smell of human flesh. Oh, my God. And I would often see police cars and policemen, but they never seemed to do anything. And then one day I happened to walk behind two police officers who said, oh, we're just going to call it in as a suicide.

46:25And I thought, well, they would never help me. You know, that thought was completely out of my mind anyway, because in my culture, we're taught, don't go to the police, they don't help us, because you're not white British, they won't help you. So we're almost programmed that certain different cultures and communities won't help us for particular reasons. We have that here too. So we believe that. I would be in the house sometimes hearing the shrieks of women because the houses were so small they were next to each other, the terraces we call them. So you can see into everybody else's back gardens and things.

46:54And I was terrified of fire with reason that it would be my turn because the threat was there. Because I hadn't had a baby. People were talking about why isn't she had a baby. not understanding I'm being raped by my father-in-law not my then husband as was seen and I just felt this ticking time almost that's going to be my time soon it's going to be my time soon so I was living in a form of anxiety 24-7 I really was in a really bad state. Do you think the police knew it wasn't a suicide or were they just not getting any cooperation and they're just like yeah the way these girls commit suicide is they light themselves on fire with gasoline.

47:31The police completely knew. They knew. It seems like they would have to know or investigate a little bit. You know, if it's once, I understand they might not accept it's a murder, that it's a suicide if it's twice. But this was repetitive to the point where it was just continuous. It's a common thing. To say it's a common thing is scary. It's horrifying. And it's also very bizarre to think that in some neighborhoods across England, there are just baby skeletons in the backyard. That's also incredibly creepy and horrifying. I think some were found actually at some point. I remember not correctly where, but there were some baby fetus remains found.

48:08Oh my gosh. And I want to remind everyone, this is the United Kingdom. This is not rural India. This is not ISIS-controlled Syria, where you expect almost to hear this. That's two hours away from London, it happened. It's just crazy. And that's two hours on those windy roads that y 'all have over there. Unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Eventually you get a job, which actually seems like quite a blessing. I was told to get a job as soon as I went into the marriage because they were very greedy for money. I realized afterwards, you know, they didn't have as much wealth as my family, but they expected it was almost like they felt that they should have it.

48:43And I was really lucky because I went into work for a large corporation and I was the first person, again, of color from an ethnic minority that worked for this company because my father placed me in this area of being white british so i spoke really well as i still do and that was different for them because normally the communities would stick together so the accents would stay thick i see so you but on the phone you would not know who i was or where i originated from i just sounded like another white british person so that helped me so you know it was always a positive out of a negative i guess and i became a manager because i was so keen to earn more money you know standing at a coffee machine without any fear because what did I have to lose they said don't go to the executive floor I went to the executive floor you know work I could at least be a little bit of a rebel and I stood there not even knowing which buttons to press a guy came along and said did you want coffee I said I need a job I said can you give me a job he said I'm in marketing I can give you a job but he just liked the fact I stood there and I asked for it and I would say to my children I've taught them since they were little if you don't ask you don't get it's true and i did i i ended up getting a great job i was on a really good wage even by today's standards it's a good wage but that wasn't enough for them they wanted more the family's taking your money the family had all of the money it went straight into their account i never saw a penny of it so i got a second job and the second job was selling kitchens and i love that too because i was on the phone just talking to people it was hi hi we've got somebody in your area and it was never a hard sell i've never done that it was if they needed it they'll say yes that was my philosophy.

50:11You know, if they want it, if I make enough calls, there'll be somebody that needs it. And that was what was happening. They were coming to me almost, you know, it was like, maybe I was calling from the universe, however you want to see it. But I was getting all the sales and I was making a lot of money for them. You mentioned you were the only person of color, but did you ever meet other Indian people and tell them anything about what was going on in your life and have them be like, that is not normal? Yeah. My second job, I met a girl that looked like me. I always say looked like me. But you know, like children, when they see characters on a cartoon, they're like, oh, it's me, because they recognise that in themselves.

50:45And there was another Indian girl, she was dating a Nigerian man. I didn't like him. I always got a bad vibe off him from day one. And I think you have to really trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it's like if you're sitting on a bus or on a train, and you don't feel right sitting next to somebody, just move. Follow your instincts, don't stay there. And I regret that sometimes, but I know it was part of my path too. But she was really lovely. She said to me, you know what, your ankles bleed through your socks. What's going on? And I didn't want to say to her what was happening but I did tell her and she said, you know what, that's wrong.

51:15Go back to your parents. It's been four years. They'll change. My parents don't mind me dating somebody out of our culture. Things have really developed. You need to go back. And I believed what she said to me because I wanted that to be the truth. I didn't think about the fact my father had raped me, that my mother never spoke to me, that my brothers always beat me. I didn't think about that. I was shutting my room day in, day out. I just thought, suddenly romanticizing Nina thought, I'm going to go there. My father's going to give me a big hug, pull me in and love me and look after me forever.

51:46Wow. And I guess I was going to say, look, you have a job. Theoretically, you could just say, stop mailing my paychecks to the horrible family. And you could even live on your own, maybe. I could have. A lot of people want to know why I never thought that. But when you're programmed almost to believe that you can't do it on your own, that you're a nothing, which is what I was told from birth, that you're nothing, you're a nobody, you're just fat and ugly. I didn't think I could do it on my own. How could I? I didn't even have the awareness that I'd got this amazing job by myself. I thought they had got it for me somehow.

52:18They had forced me out to work. They had made this happen. When somebody gave me any sort of well done, you know, or sort of celebration to me, I would take it as, you know, pass it on to somebody else. No, it's not me actually. It's my mum and dad taught me this, or my mother-in-law told me to come and get a job. You know, I'll never accept it and say to myself, thank you so much, it's me, I've done this on my own. And we still have people do that out there, they're still doing it where they don't know how to take a compliment because it's programmed in them from the beginning that it's not on them.

52:45So I didn't do that. I didn't believe I could make it on my own. I didn't believe I had anyone. I felt also I would bring more shame from the culture that people would laugh at my parents if I didn't go back home. At least if I went back home, there'd be a chance. I see, okay. Okay. Had you seen your family while you were in this weird marriage? Was there contact during that time at all? You don't see your family once you're married. They cut you off. So for four years, I'd had no contact. I hadn't seen them and I longed to see them. I longed to see my dog. I wanted to hear the way my brother coughed.

53:16You know, I wanted to be back in that room. So these girls who are imported from Pakistan also just never talk to their family back home again? Well, I mean, my culture is from India, so I had more to do with the Indian culture. But yeah, the girls have been brought in from Pakistan, India, wherever it may be, Greece, even sometimes it happens. Greece. Yeah. They would never see their families. They wouldn't hear from them. Nowadays, you do see your families, but there's still a difference. Once you're married, you're married. And that's the consensus. You've gone. You're no longer our daughter.

53:44You belong to this family now. You're about to hear a preview of the Jordan Harbinger show with Yasmin Muhammad, who grew up under the tyranny of radical Islam. This religion forces people to just get stuck in time. It is the root of so many of the evils that are happening in these countries. This is why we can't progress. We always hear about how the caliphate is coming, how Islam will rule the world, how Muslims will get rid of the infidels, we're going to kill off all the Jews, and Muslims are going to control this whole world. And the whole world will go back to Allah the way it should be, Everybody on the planet will be praying to Allah.

54:27These people are indoctrinated into a belief system that turns them into monsters. It erases their humanity. It tells them your basic humanity and what you believe to be right and wrong, you must ignore and you must follow what you are told to do. This is happening in your backyard. And if you don't care about what's happening in Afghanistan or what's happening in Pakistan, what's happening in Saudi Arabia, then care about what's happening on your own soil, at least. Terrorism is the art of fear. And the only way to defeat terrorism is to not be afraid. In the face of these people that are telling you, you are not allowed to have free expression, you are not allowed to have free speech, you are not allowed to have an opinion, you say, okay, watch this.

55:18Watch my opinion. Watch my free expression. express itself. For more about Yasmin's harrowing story and her escape, check out episode 748 of The Jordan Harbinger Show. All right, that's the end of part one, part two coming out here in just a few days. All things Nina will be in the show notes at jordanharbinger.com. Advertisers, deals, discount codes, and ways to support the show, all at jordanharbinger.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support the show. Also, our newsletter, We Bit Wiser, the idea is to give you something specific, something practical, something that'll have an immediate impact on your decisions, your psychology, your relationships in under a two-minute read.

55:54And if you haven't signed up yet, I invite you to come check it out. It is a great companion to the show. JordanHarbinger.com slash news is where you can find it. Don't forget about 6 Minute Networking as well over at 6MinuteNetworking.com. I'm at JordanHarbinger on Twitter and Instagram. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn. This show is created in association with Podcast One. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogerty, Ian Baird, and Gabriel Mizrahi. Remember, the fee for this show is you share it with friends when you find something useful or interesting. The greatest compliment you can give us is to share the show with those you care about.

56:24So if you know somebody who's interested in topics like this, even heavy discussions like this, definitely share this episode with them. In the meantime, I hope you apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you learn. And we'll see you next time.

56:41This episode is sponsored in part by Everything Everywhere Daily. You've heard the phrase, learn something new every day. Sounds nice, but do you actively do it? That's where Everything Everywhere Daily comes in. This podcast makes it effortless. Just 10 minutes a day, you'll walk away with a fascinating fact, a slice of history, a science gem. It's no wonder the show has climbed up to the top as the number one history podcast. It covers history, science, technology, geography, and stories of remarkable people, always in a way that keeps you hooked. Not sure where to jump in? Start with these favorites.

57:07The eruption of Krakatoa, nature's fury in one of the deadliest volcanic events ever recorded, or the spice trade, how a handful of spices changed the course of global history. If you want to make learning effortless and fun, check out Everything Everywhere Daily. It's quick, fascinating, and a perfect way to stay curious. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.