828: Time to Retire and Chase Closeted Desire? | Feedback Friday

23:39I mean, hell, you could be born into money and that's still, you know, there's still X factors and black holes involved in that. The law, being a lawyer, that was considered super stable until it wasn't. Creative fields, they seem beyond the reach of AI. Now it's coming for lawyers and creatives. It's hard to say. It is true that people always seem to be hiring in certain industries, cybersecurity, medicine, food and beverage. But again, if the economy contracts or an industry goes through a major upheaval, those jobs can be in peril too. And there's no shortage of doctors that are driving a nine-year-old Prius and have two roommates.

24:13Trust me, we get those letters in our inbox. But the fields that seem safest from AI right now, they seem to be the ones that require a real human touch. You know, like mental health, writing, teaching, litigation, police work, managing people, even ironically, the field of AI itself, that is until the machines can design themselves, which is terrifying to think about. That's like the whole plot of Terminator, I think, or at least T2. But even still, aspects of those fields will still be eaten up by AI as it gets better and better. Patients will be partly diagnosed, even operated on, by AI. In fact, that's already happening.

24:52Parts of writing could be done by software. Classes could be designed and delivered by machines. There could conceivably be a point where police departments are staffed almost entirely by friggin Boston Dynamics robots, which is also very terrifying to think about. That feels like a movie Matt Damon would be in or something. Totally. There might even be a point where that same movie is written with the help of ChatGBT. Gabe, you're probably cringing when you hear me say that, but it's true. Oh, and it'd probably be just as bad as most of the stuff coming out these days. But yeah, yay machines.

25:22Yeah. Can't wait. It is hard to get worse than some of the stuff I've seen on Netflix recently, which I think was written by humans. Tell me about it. I'm not saying AI movies will be good. They'll just be possible and possibly at the same level as any Michael Bay flick. But the point is, even the jobs that seem relatively safe from AI, those are still subject to the economy, to poor decisions by management. So looking for stability in this world, it's a bit of a fool's errand. We actually talked about this a couple months ago on episode 804. It was question three on that episode. The guy running in, he was feeling insecure after his company went through layoffs.

26:00I definitely give that a listen. A lot of the same ideas apply to your situation as well. That said, I do think that AI is being hyped a lot right now. It's kind of like blockchain was a few years ago. It doesn't mean it's bullshit like blockchain sort of seems like it might be. It's obviously huge, but it does mean that nobody knows exactly who will win and where the technology is going to go yet. So even if you wanted to, you can't really predict how AI is going to shape your career. As for wishing you were born three years earlier, I get it. But obviously, there's nothing you can do about that.

26:38Even if you had been born three years earlier, you'd still been laid off. You'd just have more experience in the industry before getting canned, which is not always the advantage it seems to be. That can make it harder to pivot. When my entire law firm went under back in 2009 or whatever year it was, the partners who had been there for longer, some of them were forced into retirement because they were just, it was old dog, new trick stuff. And they were too wrapped up in the bankruptcy. You might've dodged one or two rounds of layoffs, but you weren't going to dodge the entire 2008 mess, period.

27:09So there's no point in trying to time your entry like that in a way that's impossible with a time machine. Your best bet, in my view, invest in your skills and your relationships. Dig that well long before you get thirsty. Learn to bounce back. I really do believe that those assets, that resilience, those will serve you better in times of uncertainty versus trying to protect yourself from the uncertainty in the first place. And if you bank on that, you're going to be great. Whatever ends up happening with AI or whatever. I would also check out the interview I did with Dan Pink on the power of regret.

27:46That was episode 635. That'll help you use regret to your advantage rather than beating yourself up for something that you couldn't control in the first place. We're going to link to that in the show notes for you. Really good conversation. Dan Pink always delivers. Good luck. And I'm just waiting for the day that I can replace Gabe with ChatGPT. That's going to be a lot easier. Yeah. Well, good luck trying to get ChatGPT to do the sign-off names. Touche. Might have to keep you around a few years longer until the tech gets a little bit better. Just a few years. You know that's actually going to happen, too.

28:15Like, they'll be able to do puns and limericks and everything. It's terrifying. We're going to do the whole show in, what is it called? Iambic pentameter? Yeah, no problem. Can you imagine just feeding the Feedback Friday script into ChatGPT? Just turn this into a Shakespeare sonnet. Oof. Boom. I don't know how many listeners we'd retain after one of those, but yeah, worth the test. You can reach us Friday at jordanharbinger.com. Keep your emails concise. Please try to use a descriptive subject line. That makes our job a whole lot easier. If there's something you're going through, a big decision that you are wrestling with, or you just need a new perspective on stuff, life, love, work, how to overcome your shoplifting addiction, whatever's got you staying up at night lately, hit us up, friday at jordanharbinger.com.

28:56We're here to help, and we keep every email anonymous. Okay, what's next? Hi, Jordan and Gabe. I've been broken up with my ex for three years, and this whole time we've been sharing custody of my dog, a small Yorkie named Athena. He bought her for me as a Christmas gift early in our relationship, and she's my favorite dog since I was 12. I have clothes for her, I take her everywhere, I have a backpack she sits in while I ride my bike, she goes kayaking with me, I've got multiple big canvas pictures or paintings of her around my house. You get the point, I'm kind of obsessed with her. She went back and forth week to week without much problem for all three years.

29:35He's been in a new relationship for almost two years now and just got engaged. Almost immediately after that, he decided that he's done sharing Athena, and said that he and the new girl are keeping her for good. He said that I could see her to say goodbye, but wouldn't let me be alone with her. I'm truly heartbroken and blindsided. I know it wouldn't be practical to share her forever, but in theory, I would do it because she was loved and cared for by both of us while we were together, and I can't deny that he loves her too. But since he's the one who doesn't want to share her anymore, I think he should be the one to give her up.

30:10He's starting a new life, and to me it only makes sense that they get their own dog together. I'm in Michigan, where there are no pet custody laws, but I have a few things on my side. My name is on her vet records, and I've been paying those bills myself since we broke up. She's also licensed under my name, and she was technically a gift to me. Should I take legal action here? Or should I try to see her and then just snag her back so that he has to go through this whole process? Signed, shaken up and trying not to crack up as I lose my pup after this brutal breakup. This is incredibly sad. Going through a breakup is hard enough, but then losing your dog to your ex and his new fiance is way worse.

30:55It's even worse, I should say. I'm really sorry this is happening. You obviously love this dog a lot. She's like your daughter. She's your little homie, Your little mascot, it's just brutal. It sucks to hear this. And the way your ex is doing it, just announcing unilaterally that he and his new gal are taking Athena, not letting you see her anymore, this feels quite cruel to me, very unnecessarily so, and also cruel to Athena, because I'm guessing, you know, she's got a strong attachment to you too. This is just not cool at all, and again, totally unnecessary, in my opinion. We wanted to run your story by an expert, so we reached out to defense attorney and friend of the show, Corbin Payne.

31:35And the first thing Corbin said is that pet law is weird and it varies state to state. Weird is a technical legal term, I guess. Thanks, Corbin. He said he can't opine on the specific laws in Michigan because he's not a lawyer in Michigan, but he can give you some general pointers. First of all, Corbin thinks that a pet would be considered property. I know kind of a gross term to apply to a pet when you're dressing her up in little tea time sweaters and putting a helmet on her for the bicycle. But the law likes hard and fast black and white categories. And this is where pets fall. And generally speaking, Corbin said you can recover property in a few different ways.

32:09Option one, you can contact law enforcement, show proof the dog is yours, see if they'll recover the dog has stolen property. But Corbin said he'd be surprised if they do this. In his experience, they're probably going to look at this as a question for the courts. Option two, you can hire a lawyer to write a demand letter. Now, this is a letter that briefly explains your rights to ownership of the dog and demands your ex turn her over to you. Again, Corbin said this may or may not work, but it's going to put your ex on notice that a lawyer is involved and that he needs to take this seriously. Option three, yeah, you can probably sue your ex for Athena.

32:47And Corbin also thinks that it's likely to be a much cheaper option than it sounds, which you never hear from lawyers about lawsuits, by the way. You could probably do this through small claims court. That's quicker. It's more informal. It involves far fewer steps. And so it's, of course, cheaper as a result. Also, FYI, based on what we've read, you'd have to represent yourself in small claims court in Michigan and in many other states for that matter. So you wouldn't even need to shell out money for an attorney for that. Now, that would involve going in and proving who the true owner is. In Corbin's view, your ex can and will argue that, hey, he's the one who paid for the dog.

33:23The dog has lived with him too, etc., etc. And Corbin said these points are in his favor, but you have points in your favor as well. Athena was a gift to you. You've paid for her vet visits. She's licensed in your name. All of that. Corbin said your points sound more compelling, but again, he says that without knowing how the law in your state actually works. And if the lawsuit did resolve in your favor, the judge would execute paperwork authorizing law enforcement to go get possession of the dog and turn her over to you. And Gabe, I am just picturing a SWAT team knocking this guy's door right off the hinges and coming out with a Yorkie.

34:00But that's just my fantasy because I'm 100 % on this woman's side. This guy's being a total asshole. Oh, I am too. I hope it doesn't come to any of that. But yes, the legal route might be the only way. And by the way, we found a bunch of resources about pet custody in Michigan. So we're going to link to all of those in the show notes for you. I would just give those a read, see where your options are. But look, before you pull any of these triggers, I just gotta ask, have you done everything in your power to make your ex realize just how unfair the situation is? I wonder if you need to just sit down with him, and maybe even with his fiancée, or write them a letter if they're difficult to talk to, and tell them just how heartbreaking this has been for you, and what a strong bond you have with Athena, what losing her would mean.

34:43I would hope that they would know that already, but maybe they don't fully realize what position they're putting you in by taking her away. I would literally tell them, look, guys, this is incredibly difficult, and I can't imagine that you would want to deliberately hurt me like this. So can we please keep sharing custody? Or if you don't want to have contact with me anymore, that's fine. But can you please consider letting me keep Athena and you guys get your own dog as you start your new life together? Like, let's be reasonable here. Dude, he got engaged. He is a fiance. What she has right now is an adorable dog she takes with her to brunch.

35:19Let her keep the pup. Go rescue a freaking golden retriever together. It just seemed, ugh, I hate this. I hate it. I know. It does seem cruel. Although, you know, to be fair, like she said, he's probably attached to Athena as well. So, yeah, it's tough. Share custody like a normal human being. I'm getting worked up over here. You know, this has occurred to me just now that maybe this is the fiance is doing. Maybe she doesn't love the idea of them still having contact and a mutual thing that they both like. And she's all insecure about it and maybe a lot of other things, which is petty and lame.

35:53But, you know, it happens. There's a world in which he speaks highly of his ex and they share Athena. And the fiance is like, oh, that means that I don't have him fully on lock. and I'm a controlling crazy person and I gotta plug this gap. That's what it seems like to me. I just can't imagine doing this to someone. Well, if that's the case, I would remind them that this arrangement is not going to last forever and it's not anything more than sharing the dog. And sorry, I know that's sad to think about. I don't mean to bring up your dog's inevitable mortality. But the reality is you won't have to be tethered to each other forever.

36:26You'll just have to be, you know, minimally involved in each other's lives as long as you both share Athena. I'm just wondering if maybe that will help. I mean, I guess it's a good thing they didn't adopt a tortoise or a parrot or something. You know, imagine these two sharing custody of a pet in their 70s. Oh, yeah. Those things live forever. I have a friend who has a tortoise in her backyard, and they think it's like somewhere between 60 and 80 years old. And it's going to live until it's, I can't remember how old, 120 or 30? How do they know how old the tortoise in their backyard is? They took it to a vet, and the vet has some way of guessing.

36:59I don't know, based on wrinkles. Yeah, I was going to say count the rings or something. I think it's the shell, something with the shell and how big it is and how many squares it has. I don't know. Anyway, on the bright side, you know, if they do share a pet this long, maybe the fiance will have died by that. That should make things simpler. That does simplify things. That's a good point. But also, maybe you can help them understand that by taking Athena, they're also depriving her of her other parent who she has a strong bond with. I mean, this is not cool either. No. If they can't have compassion for you, maybe you can appeal to their sense of compassion for her.

37:33As for grabbing the dog yourself, we asked Corbin about that, and he said that he would be careful about doing that without consulting an attorney. Because on one hand, he thinks you could argue that the dog is yours and you're just reclaiming property that's been unlawfully withheld from you. But on the other hand, your ex can and likely will argue the exact same thing. And Corbyn would hate for you to get sanctioned for going into their house and grabbing, you know, mutual property. Plus, he did say that there's a slew of other things that could also get you in trouble if you go over there and dog nap your own dog.

38:06A trespassing charge, an assault if this ever somehow turned into a scuffle, you know, stuff like that. So if your ex can't be reasoned with, then you do have all those other legal options. Right. But I'm with Gabe. Gabe, exhaust your diplomatic options first, then escalate if you need to. Gabe, I got to say, if I were being forced to be a dick to my ex because of my current fiance, and then I got served with papers, I would probably just give up the dog. I mean, if I know it's going to cost me 30 frickin K to keep a dog that I'm just trying to keep because my fiance is being insecure about it, I'm going to choose the 30 K over the dog.

38:42Right. And what I'm saying here is, if she ends up suing as a last resort, I wouldn't be surprised if they settle and she ends up with the dog. I'm just hoping her ex and his new fiancé are as cheap as they are petty. Again, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. The thought of you biking alone without her in the backpack, too sad to think about, for real. Seriously, forsooth. Forsooth. We're rooting for you and for your pup. You know what else you won't want to share custody of? The products and services that support this show. We'll be right back. What if this was someone in your family that had a chronic illness that they could not get away from?

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40:05Visit unitedforcures.org slash action to send a letter today. Paid for by United for Cures Action.

40:39really smart dude. He digs into real questions, the kind that most shows avoid because they don't fit neatly into a political lane. He'll challenge the right. He keeps the left honest. He dives into stuff like the New York City mayoral race, that whole cluster and the chaos of sports betting, or even whether talking to your plants actually does anything. He's an award-winning journalist. He's not some schmo like me who's totally unqualified. You've probably seen his work in the Atlantic, the Free Press, the Washington Post. He's got that rare mix of wit, skepticism, and depth that makes even heavy topics fun to listen to.

41:08And he's a great dinner guest, Just saying. So if you want your daily news with more brains and less noise, check out The Gist with Mike Peska every weekday on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. If you like this episode of Feedback Friday and you find our advice valuable, I would love it if you would do what other smart and considerate listeners do. Take a moment, support one of our amazing sponsors. They put it on the line for us here. All the deals and discount codes and ways to support the show are at jordanharbinger.com slash deals. You can always search for any sponsor using the search box, the AI chatbot right there on the website as well.

41:39Thank you so much for supporting those who support the show. Now, back to Feedback Friday. Okay, next up. Hi, Jordan and Gabe. My niece is 12 years old, and due to a nasty divorce, she visits our extended family twice a year for a month at a time. My 10-year-old daughter looks forward to these visits. Recently, though, I discovered that my brother-in-law's ex-wife told my niece to never be alone with me in a room because I might molest her. What? This wasn't a blanket statement. She specifically mentioned me. I spoke with my wife and my sister-in-law to see if I was somehow giving off those creepy uncle vibes, and both said no.

42:20During the divorce, my niece's mom accused my brother-in-law of a wide range of abuses, from sexual to physical, all of which have been proven 100 % false. I also discovered that she set up a YouTube channel for my niece when she was 8, in ways that I found borderline abusive in their own right. So I have no doubt that this woman would coach my niece to say things just for the attention. Since I learned about these statements, I've gone from being an uncle who takes the kids to the zoo and plays board games, to the man who leaves the room when my niece enters. I also won't allow her to spend the night anymore or do any of the fun things we used to do.

42:58I'm a recently retired senior military leader, and I've seen firsthand what accusations like these can do to a man, regardless of plausibility. What should I do here? And how do I stop punishing my daughter and my niece for my brother-in-law's ex's BS? Signed, feeling the gloom of being doomed to stay out of the room. Ugh, this is terrible. This is all kinds of sad. It's sad for your daughter. It's sad for your niece. It's sad for you. It's sad for the whole family, really. Your brother-in-law's ex, ugh, she sounds like a real piece of trash. That's all I can say. I mean, I'm not even sorry about that.

43:34The fact that you checked in with the other ladies in your family and to see if you were, in fact, giving off some kind of creepy uncle vibe. And they're like, no, you're totally normal. Coupled with the whole YouTube. Was it YouTube or Instagram? Some sort of YouTube. Yeah, that's weird. Eight year olds don't need a YouTube managed by their parents unless they're super musically talented or something. I don't know. The whole thing's disturbing. That paints a picture for me of a very troubled and troubling woman. And what's really messed up is that everyone else pays the price for this woman's manipulations.

44:06It's so common with these kinds of people, though. So I can't say that I blame you for putting distance between you and your niece. It must be terrifying to feel like you could be accused of something awful by a person like this, a person who has a track record of making these nonsense accusations. In a way, it's really the most logical thing to do. Just stay far away from these people. But again, the tragic thing here is that your niece and daughter, they're the ones who pay the price. And you, you have to feel like a monster when you haven't done anything at all. Ugh. Gabe, this is so infuriating.

44:43I hate people like this. This is like victim culture plus, I mean, this is sociopathic nonsense. This is crazy. I also hate that the crazy people often win because the normal people like this guy can't out crazy them. It just sucks. Yeah, exactly. This guy wants to look at giraffes and play Dungeons and Dragons and enjoy his retirement. He doesn't want to play 4D chess with friggin' batshit Charlene, the YouTube stage mom who cries child abuse to retaliate against her old family. So what do you even do here? All right. Well, first of all, there's a version of this where you keep doing what you're doing.

45:19You keep your distance. You don't have your niece over anymore. and when she's 17, 18, 19, you explain to her why you guys didn't see her that much, and you and your daughter rebuild your relationship with her when she's a bit older, as best you can. Obviously, unfortunately, it's a huge chunk of time to lose, but it is an option. The upside is, you don't antagonize Charlene, you protect yourself. The downside is, you deprive your daughter of a great friendship. You miss out on being an uncle, which sucks. but there are some other downsides to consider with this option too. One downside is, if you play along with Charlene's BS, if you leave the room every time your niece comes over, I worry that she'll interpret that as a rejection, and she's going to internalize that as anger or shame or just some sort of generally weird feeling, and that'll cause even more damage.

46:11Another downside, and it might send a signal to her mom and everyone else in the family that there really is something creepy going on. Otherwise, why do you act so weird when she comes around and you leave the room? What's the deal there? That's kind of weird. You know, we want to avoid that kind of thing. And finally, if your ex-sister-in-law ever did accuse you of anything, there's nothing going on here. So you avoiding her, not necessarily. I said you're not going to antagonize Charlene before. We don't actually know that, right? If she did accuse you of anything, your relationship with your niece is going to be much weaker, which means it could be easier for her mom to manipulate her memories or get her to turn on you.

46:46and it could be harder for you to set the record straight because you don't have a good relationship with her to set straight in the first place. It's almost like protecting yourself in this very logical way. That might have the unfortunate effect of feeding your ex-sister-in-law's position. So, yeah, I think there's another strategy here. And that strategy is you don't let this woman intimidate you. You still have your niece over. You act normally just like you always have. And the message here is I got nothing to hide. I am not scared of you. And if you want to manufacture some ridiculous-ass claims about me, you're going to have to prove them.

47:21And there's nothing to freaking prove because I've been totally normal and open. Now, if you decide to go this route, I still do think you should take some precautions. For example, maybe you never have your niece over to the house when it's just you and your daughter alone. Maybe you always make it a family gathering so there's at least one or two other people around, people who could vouch for you, who could be witnesses. Maybe you decide to never spend time completely alone with her until she's an adult, to just avoid any pockets where her mom could get in and twist her memories around. Maybe you guys don't do solo outings, just the three of you, for a little while.

47:56But unfortunately, that might be necessary during this weird interim period. But that's not the biggest sacrifice. It's better than denying your daughter the cousin she deserves. In fact, your niece might not even notice that that's happening. It's just something you do to minimize this threat. And you just hope Charlene gets over this crap or goes bother somebody else. I like those strategies a lot, Jordan. While you do all of that, though, I would also protect yourself in one other big way, which is by talking about this with your other family members and just building good relationships with them, which I'm sure you're already doing.

48:30But I mention it because this will probably be your greatest asset if her mom ever did try to turn around and mess up your life. If I were in your shoes, I would literally go to your family members, obviously starting with your wife, your sister-in-law, and then everybody else, but also your brother-in-law, because look, he's your niece's father, right? And he gets it. And tell them what Charlene said. Make them understand that this would never happen, which I'm sure they already know. And tell them how it's impacted you and your daughter. Maybe ask them how they would handle it. You know, get some advice.

49:00What should I do, guys? Maybe ask them if they think you should stop interacting with your niece, or whether they would be willing to hang out with you guys to give you just some more cover. Basically, I would invite them into this problem and create some allies here and get out in front of it and be as transparent as possible. That way, if this woman ever did accuse you of anything, and I don't know, this is such an extreme case, but if the authorities ever did investigate, which I hope never happens, if that ever came to be CPS or the police or whatever, they would come over. I imagine that they would interview you, they would interview your brother-in-law, they would interview your niece, maybe your daughter, maybe your extended family.

49:38And if everybody in this situation is going, look, this guy is not a predator. He's a great uncle. This woman has been saying that you would accuse him of exactly this for years. And we've never, ever seen him do anything like this. In fact, he came to us months ago and he talked to us about this and he said he didn't know what to do. And we were all so comfortable with him being in her life that we told him, of course, be in your niece's life. Like, don't deprive your daughter of her friend. These people could hopefully vouch for you if it ever came to that. And they could provide some very important context about how credible your niece's mom really is, which is not at all.

50:13Right. Yeah, I like that strategy a lot, Gabe. But look, if Charlene ever really gets aggro, if she starts becoming truly unhinged, maybe then you reconsider how much contact you have with your niece. But if she's just making vague threats and literally no one in the family believes her, it might not be worth giving up on being an uncle and making your daughter and your niece pay the price. And regardless, when your niece turns 18, maybe even sooner, depending on her maturity level in her relationship with her mom, which I'm just going to go ahead and guess is not great, especially at that point.

50:46You're going to be able to sit her down, fill her in on what her mom did, and hopefully you guys can repair the relationship then. I hope it doesn't come to that. But kids, as they grow up, they start to realize their parents are freaking crazy, especially if their parents are actually freaking crazy. But man, I am so sorry you're dealing with this. We're sending you, your daughter and your niece, our best thoughts. Her mom, I'm thinking we're going to see her in a creepy stage mom's documentary on Hulu in a couple of years or something like that. I mean, what a train wreck. Someone's going to need therapy in about six years.

51:19Some good old fashioned unsharleening to undo all of that. It's just gross. It sucks, man. She's ruining her kid. She's messed with the extended family. I mean, this is a damaged person that just makes everything about them. She's got issues. It reminds me of the book. Have you heard of this book? I'm glad my mom died. You heard of this book? Oh, is this by the child actor who wrote the book about her mom? Yeah. I was recommended it early and then un-recommended her on the show. I don't want to give away too much information, but it was basically her mom just drove her to, I think, eating disorders and made her really miserable and sort of drove her career to fulfill her mom's unfulfilled ambitions in many ways.

52:01And it was just kind of sick. It was actually sick. Yeah. Really, really gross. Anyway. All right. What's next? Hey, guys. I do therapy over Zoom from home, and I recently started to worry that my neighbors were eavesdropping on my sessions. Then, recently, I heard my neighbors, a man and a woman next door, discussing my therapy session through the thin apartment walls. I was on a Zoom with my therapist discussing sensitive topics when I overheard a female voice say to someone else, Shh, she's doing therapy. Can you hear it? Oh my god. As their voices got louder, I knew that they were getting closer to the wall.

52:39Oh, that's so annoying. This is so weird. Yeah, irritating. So invasive. This discovery has left me deeply disturbed. and I'm concerned about what other personal information they might have heard. I've only seen my neighbors a few times and don't know them personally. How do I approach this situation? Should I let it go, or should I say something? Signed, trying to ball without getting into a brawl with these people who have the gall to listen through the wall. Oh, man, this is super awkward. So awkward. I have to imagine that tons of people deal with this problem just because hashtag apartment life and Zoom therapy.

53:17But man, this is so uncool. Also, these neighbors are the worst eavesdroppers ever. If they can hear you through the wall, why don't they understand that you can hear them talking about you through the wall? Of course, freaking amateurs. The way to eavesdrop on your neighbor's Zoom therapy is to tiptoe to the wall, put your ear against it and shut the hell up, people. God, no respect for the craft. Seriously, this is it's gross. It's an invasion of privacy. It's disrespectful. I mean, look, I get it. We all love hearing our neighbors bullshit. It's weirdly fascinating. I mean, this whole show is that, right?

53:51I mean, I don't know how much room we have to talk, but this is a, it's a bridge too far. So you have a few options here, all pretty straightforward in my humble opinion. Option one, you find somewhere else to do therapy, the car, the closet, the bathroom, wherever you have a little nook. Tons of people already do this, especially with people who have roommates or partners and need a little extra privacy. I mean, the car is pretty common, not always the most comfortable. Option two, you create some privacy somehow. Maybe you drown out the sound in the room, you get a white noise machine, maybe a white noise app on your phone, you turn on a fan, you run the AC, you put acoustic panels up on the wall, that might do the trick.

54:31Or, and I don't love it, you start doing in-person sessions, but I understand that might not be possible for whatever reason, it's largely inconvenient compared to Zoom therapy. Option three, you get a little more assertive here. I know this is daunting, it's uncomfortable, but if you're not getting the privacy you deserve in your own home, I might add, then you are well within your rights to say something to these neighbors. Maybe you just go over there one day and you say, hey, listen, I know this is awkward, but I've gathered that you've listened in on some of my conversations with my therapist, and I would like to ask you not to do that anymore.

55:06I realize the walls are thin, but I need some privacy and I'm sure you can understand. So I'm respectfully asking you to stop. Or maybe, you know, you say between three and four on Mondays, would it be possible for you guys to turn on the TV or go for a walk? Because that's my therapy time and privacy is really important to me. Honestly, that'll probably stop them dead in their tracks because they're going to be so mortified at being caught. They're not going to be able to defend themselves and they're going to maybe back off. Maybe. I hope so. Or they'll keep doing it because they'll be even more interested in her sessions, but they'll just be quieter about it, which is, this is a real problem.

55:43Yeah, I realized as I was saying that this could also be true. And I hate these people. I don't know them, but they need a goddamn hobby. Yeah, she is in a pickle forsooth. Forsooth. Even if they did back off, how would she know for sure, right? She might always be paranoid that they're listening, which means that she might have to do therapy in another part of the apartment or in another location. Yeah, just to have that peace of mind. Right. They've already ruined it, haven't they? They've invaded already. It sucks. It's like when you get broken into, you don't feel safe in your home anymore.

56:13It's a similar vibe. But, you know, this would also be an interesting thing to talk to her therapist about because maybe they have some ideas for how to handle it. And look, if the The idea of confronting your neighbors feels too daunting. Hey, that could be a really interesting topic for you guys to explore because it might get into some interesting stuff about how you manage conflict, how you deal with difficult people, how you draw boundaries when you need to. Totally. Man, it's a fascinating situation because it might speak to aspects of her personality. It reminds me a little bit of Office Space.

56:41Remember that movie where the neighbor can hear him through the wall and he's like, Yes. Hey, Earl, you want to come over? And he's like, no, thanks, man. I don't want you screwed up my life. I forgot about that. Such a good character. Such a good character. I think he's the writer or one of the writers on the show or on the movie. I don't know. Yeah, look it up. I definitely remember hearing that somewhere. Honestly, if this were me, and I'm a little aggro in situations like this. I know not everyone's like this, but if this were me, I'm marching over there and I'm knocking. Or I'm shouting through the wall.

57:12Yeah, you're right. I am doing therapy right now. So can you please stop putting your ear to the wall and go watch Succession? It's the final season. I promise you it's more interesting than what I'm talking about. And just kind of give it right back to them. Although, Gabe, the black hat, dark Jordan version of this is. Let's hear it. I make sure they're listening to my next session. Right. And then I start telling the therapist about I'm struggling. I saw my next door neighbor tonguing down a woman. It's not his girlfriend. And they live together. And I see them. You know, they're right next to me.

57:45I'm just not sure how to handle it. Just make half the session about how you feel so bad for the girl next door. And the guy is he's such a disgusting scumbag and he's groped you in the elevator once or he made passes at you before, et cetera, whatever. And then just switch to another topic and never say anything about it ever again. Dark Jordan is back. Yeah, I love Dark Jordan. Dark Jordan for sooth. I'm just picturing them on the other side of the wall hearing this and just turning to each other like what now we have a problem no it's not me yeah and he's like nah what's not and then and she and just you hear pounding and furniture moving seriously though they'll never know if you're making it up right they would definitely fight about it and they could never confront you about it not really because then they'd have to admit that they listen to your therapy sessions so that's a good point they're gonna lose weeks of sleep over this and i would just relish the shit out of every minute because despite how I come across here on Feedback Friday, I am indeed not that warm and fuzzy and I will destroy you if you mess with me.

58:50But I digress. It's really funny because my closet studio shares a wall with the unit next door, obviously. And I can sometimes I should say this more quietly. Maybe tone it down there if they're listening. I can sometimes hear the couple over there talking. So I assume they can hear me talking. But what they hear is me reading these crazy ass letters every week. But I don't know if they know that they're letters. Oh, yeah. They probably just think that I'm talking to my friends about my life. So for all I know, just like, dude, that guy next door is a mess. Like he wants to leave his wife for younger men in Mykonos.

59:27Like his boyfriend stole 70 grand from him. His ex took his dog. Like, who is this guy? Yeah. And the funny thing is, I've never run into them in the building, just like this woman. We've never talked. So these Feedback Friday letters are really all they have to go on. Oh, my. It's amazing. Like, your kids live with a pedophile. You're worried you might be a pedophile. Your brother-in-law tried to blackmail you for sex. Jesus, dude, what is going on with you? Get your life together. That's exactly it. Good thing you're in therapy. These people have been looking for a new apartment since the week you moved in, for sure.

59:59And it's probably the reason you've never met them. They are avoiding you like the plague. Like, everything this guy touches turns to absolute shit. Don't even look at this guy. Or they're sticking around because it's the most entertaining neighbor they've ever had. They're just keeping their ear to that wall. I don't know. I can't tell you how often I've practiced my little speech for when I finally run into them in the hallway. Like, I got it down. It's like, listen, guys, you probably hear me screaming into the microphone every week. I host a show. They're just they're just letters. You know, I just want you to know in case you were wondering why I talk about pedophilia so much.

1:00:31Yeah. And I hope it goes well. I'm looking forward to the day we get a letter from somebody that's like, so I recently found out that my neighbor is a pedophile. He's constantly talking about it through the wall. What should I do? And we're like, go report it to the police. And a week later, you get a knock at the door and the cops are standing there and they wonder why you have a scream proof closet with acoustic panels on the wall. They're from East Elm. I don't know what to tell you. I'm a podcaster. We've heard it all. Tell it to the judge. Totally. a place like anything you want to tell us.

1:01:03I just lead them into the closet and point at the microphone as I start to cry. I mean, this would be the greatest Feedback Friday story ever, except for the part where you have to spend half your salary bailing you out of jail and we miss three weeks of the show. That's a business expense if I've ever heard one. That's just pure right off. Coming right out of your check. I am not covering that. I hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone who wrote in this week and everybody who listened. Thank you so much. Go back. Especially the neighbors next door. go back and check out the episode we did this week with paul rosalie if you haven't had a chance to yet you can hear about our time in the jungle and if you want to know how i managed to book all these great people and manage relationships using the same software systems and tiny habits that i use every single day i got a course on networking but not the gross kind the not gross kind i guess the clean kind six minute networking the course is free i don't want your credit card number it's actually free.

1:01:56It's on the Thinkific platform at jordanharbinger.com slash course. And don't kick the can down the road, man. Dig the well before you get thirsty. Build relationships before you need them. It'll serve you well in life. Trust me. I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. Once again, free jordanharbinger.com slash course. A link to the show notes for the episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com. Transcripts in the show notes, although, you know, maybe you can just listen through your neighbor's wall and get the gist. Advertisers, deals, discounts, ways to support this show all at jordanharbinger.com slash deals.

1:02:29You can also try the chat bot jordanharbinger.com slash AI and that'll find any promo code or any question we've answered ever on this show, which is pretty dope. I'm at jordanharbinger on both Twitter and Instagram, where you can also connect with me on LinkedIn. You can find Gabe on Instagram at Gabriel Mizrahi or on Twitter at Gabe Mizrahi. This show is created in association with Podcast One. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Emilio Campo, and of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions, they're our own, and I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on this show.

1:03:03Ditto Corbin Payne. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love, and if you found the episode useful, please share it with somebody else who can use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. We've got a trailer of our interview with Jack Barsky, former KGB spy who posed as an American in a truer than life version of a Hollywood movie. This is one of our most popular episodes of the show. Jack not only dodged the FBI for decades, but also defected from the Soviet Union, secretly becoming a real American.

1:03:38We'll learn how spies were recruited and trained during the Cold War and what skills Jack used to assimilate seamlessly into American culture. I was untouchable. I was above the law. I was always bypassing customs and passport control. So a young person, it really feels good because I never liked rules. How did you flip to eventually becoming full American? I know they tried to call you home. Can you take us through that? They called me back as an emergency departure. They've done this in the past. They called back an agent. And as soon as they step on Soviet soil, they are jailed or even executed.

1:04:12I was stalling the Soviets. And then one day they send one of their resident agents and he said to me, you've got to come home or else you're dead. It was a threat. I decided I would defy them and tell them that I'm not returning. I will not betray any secrets and please give the money on my account to my German family. Wow. Tell us how you got caught because the story is just not complete until you, like you said, had to face your past. I was stopped on the other side of Tollgate, it was a state trooper. Just like to check your license and registration. And could you step out of the car? I step out of the car, still not having a clue what was going on.

1:04:53Out of the corner of my eye, somebody approaching me from the back. The fellow introduced himself. He says, Joe Riley, FBI. And he showed me this badge. We would like to talk with you. The first question I asked, am I under arrest? And the answer was no. Then I said, what took you so long? For more from Jack Barsky, including how Jack was finally caught by the FBI and what happened after that, check out episode 285 of The Jordan Harbinger Show.

1:05:39It's no wonder the show has climbed up to the top as the number one history podcast. It covers history, science, technology, geography, and stories of remarkable people, always in a way that keeps you hooked. Not sure where to jump in? Start with these favorites. The eruption of Krakatoa, nature's fury in one of the deadliest volcanic events ever recorded, or the spice trade, how a handful of spices changed the course of global history. If you want to make learning effortless and fun, check out Everything Everywhere Daily. It's quick, fascinating, and a perfect way to stay curious. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.