7 Things to Tell Yourself Every Day

29:56Maybe your shoulders dropped Maybe your face softened Your jaw unclenched The reason why that happened is because This third reminder Is something you and I forget too often Every single person you run into Is carrying something that you can't see The woman checking out in front of you at the grocery store Something's weighing on her Something's on her mind. There's someone in her life that she is so worried about right now. The driver with road rage, something's definitely hurting them. They're really struggling with something if they're taking it out on strangers on the highway. The coworker who's quiet and withdrawn, absolutely there's something keeping them up at night.

30:48Even the person in your family who's dismissive, passive-aggressive, or just rude. underneath the surface, there is a lot of pain. And you're carrying something too. Maybe you're struggling financially right now. You're worried about your job. One of your adult kids is spiraling from a breakup or anxiety. Maybe you're scared about money or your health or your parents who are getting older or your future. I mean, you're going through a lot too. And I want you to know something. I know that. I see you. And that's why I am giving you this reminder. You know who's going through a tough time right now?

31:33Everyone. Be kind. And here's why I feel like this has this sort of interesting effect of not only helping you soften, but it gives you something in return that's very powerful when you soften towards everyone else. You stop feeling so alone in your problems. You also stop feeling like the ways in which people treat you is somehow personal. You stop feeling like the universe is singularly picking on you right now. And you recognize that people, especially the challenging people, especially the rude people, the people who are withdrawn, and yes, even the people that have a smile on their face, they're going through something right now.

32:32Everyone's exhausted. Everyone's overwhelmed. Everyone's doing their best with something heavy on their heart. Everyone's got problems because everyone is human. And here's the really powerful part. When you can still be kind in the middle of your own struggles, you prove something extraordinary to yourself. You prove that, yeah, life is hard right now, but it has not taken my heart. It has not taken my values, and it has not taken me. I can still be kind. I can still have compassion. And you might feel like you got nothing left for yourself, but the moment you hold the door for someone with a bag of groceries, or you compliment the cashier's nails, or you tell somebody, hey, I love your socks, you're sending yourself a signal.

33:33You're waking up and saying, despite all the problems and the things that are weighing me down, I'm still me. I still care. I still have something to give. I am still a person that can make a difference and send positive waves. And you want to know how this works with reminder number one. Remember, that was the one that you can be kind and you can have a good heart. You can still tell people no and F off sometimes because it's boundaries. What I have found is the more I double down on compassion, the more I remind myself other people going through a lot right now. I don't need to be scared of them.

34:08I don't need to manage their emotions. I don't need to worry about disappointing them. I can show up with compassion and be kind, and I can still say no because you can have boundaries and still have compassion. And the more I anchor myself there, the easier it is to draw boundaries because it's in the understanding that everybody's going through a lot right now, that I create the space for somebody to have an emotional reaction. I create the space for somebody to be disappointed or upset when I say no. And that's okay. You wanna know why? Reminder number three. You know who's going through a tough time right now?

34:47Everyone. Be kind. Now, I didn't say say yes to everything. I just said be kind. Be kind to them and be kind to yourself. And when somebody is upset or somebody's emotionally immature or somebody reacts a certain way when you say no or you don't do exactly what they expected you to do, you know who's going through a tough time right now? Everyone. Be kind. So you can say, I'm sorry that you feel that way. And I still don't have the capacity to do it. it's really magical because there are two things happening at once first it makes you see that everyone has this burden that they're carrying and second it pulls you back into your own strength and humanity instead of you dropping into bitterness and resentment and over extending yourself because underneath all the noise and the busyness and the misunderstandings we're all just people.

35:49We all have people in our life that we care about who are struggling. We all have things that are weighing us down in our mind. We all have issues going on in the world that really trouble us. You and I and everyone else that you're going to bump into, they're just trying. You and I and everyone else has areas of our life where we're in pain or we're hurting. You and I and everyone else are on some journey of healing. We're hoping. We have dreams that, you know, we can never find the time to pursue. And kindness, kindness is the glue that can hold us together. And this is the reminder. You know who's going through a tough time right now?

36:29Everyone. Be kind. It reminds you and me that we're the glue. I love this reminder. Alrighty, that's just the first three of these seven powerful reminders that you and I are going to cover today. I want to hit pause right now before we jump into the next four. You're gonna love the next four, so don't go anywhere because I wanna remind you. I wanna remind you to share this episode with people that you care about. Everything we're talking about today is gonna support the people that you love in creating a better life. These episodes are a gift that you can give to somebody else. So thank you, thank you, thank you for texting it or emailing the link to this to people that you care about.

37:11And please don't go anywhere. We are coming back with the fourth powerful reminder. You do not wanna miss this. I will be waiting for you after this short break, so stay with me.

37:30Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robbins. I am so excited that you're here with me. We have covered three of the powerful reminders that you need to hear today, and now we're jumping in to the fourth. And the fourth powerful reminder, It's all about your mindset. The first three, we're talking about your feelings, but now we're gonna jump into a reminder that helps you change the way you look at what's going on in your life. And that fourth reminder is, I'm not everything I wanna be, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago. And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that. Ooh, don't you love that?

38:12I freaking love that. this reminder breaks into your brain. It's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, you've been doing such a great job just surviving and getting through the day, but I want you to take another look at yourself because you're doing way better than you think, and you've come a long way, baby. You have experienced so many incredible things. You have learned so much. You have changed this powerful reminder. I'm not everything I want to be yet, but I am a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago. And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that. It reminds you of the belief I want you to understand.

38:50You've been making progress this whole time. You've outgrown people. That's progress. You've outgrown habits. That's progress. You've outgrown versions of yourself. That's progress. You've learned things. Progress. Survive things. Progress. Build things. Created things. Progress. You have the receipts. You can prove it, but you keep forgetting to look at the progress because you want things to feel perfect. You're chasing that ta-da moment that inspires everyone to stand up and clap. This reminder saying, you're looking in the wrong place. This reminder saying, hey, you might not be at your final form yet, but you're also not the person who had no clue what they were doing two years ago.

39:35That's a win. Please count it. And what I like about it is it shifts your belief from I'm not enough yet to the truth. You're improving. And that matters. I want you to think back two years and just think, huh, what was going on in my life? And if you can't remember, pull out your photos or social media and go back in time and you will immediately be jolted into that time machine and be like, oh, whoa. When I think about two years ago, we had just gotten our studio space in Boston. For the first year of this podcast, we've been doing the Mel Robbins podcast for just over three years. The first almost year to 18 months, we did this out of my house and on the road.

40:25Wherever we were was where we were recording. And about two years ago, my sister-in-law, she is the one that planted the seed. She said, we have to have office space. We have a growing team. The team is in Boston. I realize you live in Vermont, but we need a place for people to work. And so two years ago, we were just opening up our first ever office space. When I think now, 55 employees, we have world-renowned experts coming into Boston. since so much has changed in the last few years, I don't give myself any credit for that because I'm now in the reality now. I'll give you another example. Two years ago, I had this kind of aha moment in my head that I wanted to start a company.

41:11I wanted to develop a product. I kept telling my sister-in-law, who's also my business partner, Christine, I said to her, I'd really love to take on the challenge of launching a product. I'd love to do something that has a positive impact on people's health. I'd love to create something simple that's backed by science, that's super innovative, that's never been out there before, that really solves a problem. Now, here's the thing that's interesting. I didn't know what it was. No idea. I just knew I wanted to do something. And I started saying it out loud. And it felt ridiculous because my schedule was already insane.

41:47I was already stretched too thin. I had no idea how to launch some kind of consumer product. I had no idea what I was going to do. But this idea just kept on tapping me on the shoulder two years ago, going, hey, hey, remember me? And all of a sudden, it's like one little thing after another started to appear. And here I am two years later, almost to the date. This is really eerie. Almost to the date two years ago on the podcast, I told you during an episode where we were talking about goals and I just had the courage to say it. I'm not there yet, but I'm going to say, I think I want to launch some kind of product.

42:34Over the last two years, I have just leaned into this. I have learned. I have explored. I have looked at all kinds of things. I've become a student of what I wanted to become. and I am now the co-founder of a brand new company in the protein space. And we have created the coolest thing in the world. I cannot wait for you to see it. It's called Pure Genius. You can go to puregeniusprotein.com. And this is physical evidence of something I'm trying to teach you. You're not everything you wanna be yet, but you're a lot of things you wanted to be two years ago and what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.

43:13You're not giving yourself enough credit for how far you've come in two years. You're not. You're a lot of things you weren't two years ago. And here's why this reminder is also important. So yes, I'm now two years later, the co-founder of Pure Genius. I'm so excited about it. I'm so proud of it. And I'm not where I wanna be because we don't have the supply chain nailed down yet. We are in a constant state of release product, Boom, it's all sold out. Then everybody's upset because then they're on a wait list. Why are we in this situation? Because we're figuring it out. Now I'm realizing this is what happens when you launch something new that people really like.

43:54You've gotta give it time to learn and iron out the kinks. It's easy in life to get out over the tips of your skis and go, well, I haven't lost all the weight yet. I haven't met the person yet. I haven't landed my dream job yet. And start invalidating yourself for where you are. and then you lose sight of this like amazing truth that you've been making progress all along. And the secret about life, you're gonna have to continue to make progress all along because I think the cruel joke about life is you never get there, by the way. You're always trying to get there, but you're not there yet. And this reminder, this reminder, I'm not everything I wanna be yet, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago and what a wonderful thing it is to realize that, that's genius.

44:44It's genius because it helps you double down on progress, both the progress that you've made and the progress that you're going to have to continue to make in order to keep growing and learning and making your life and the things that you're working on better. I'm no different than you and this reminder is helping me to not get too far ahead, to not invalidate how far I've come. And that's why you need this reminder. Let's say this out loud together. I'm not everything I want to be yet, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago. And then let this part land. And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.

45:29You have lost weight. You are putting yourself out there. You have been writing. You did meditate over the last couple years. You have leaned into AI a little bit. You've been updating your resume. You are doing a lot of things. You are in a different place than you were two years ago. And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that. All right, we're ready for number five. This one's one of my all-time favorites. It's about one of the healthiest habits you can have. You're going to love this reminder. And I'm going to tell you after this short break. But I'm also going to remind you, while you're listening to our amazing sponsors, please share this episode with people that you care about.

46:12If somebody in your life is feeling overwhelmed, if they're down on themselves, if you just want to see them winning, and I know you want to see the people in your life winning, text it to them. Email it to them. I am sending this to my three adult kids. This is going to my walking group of all my girlfriends in Vermont. We all need this. We need this not only for ourselves, but when you share this with somebody else, it not only helps them feel better and do better, you just gave them a gift they can give to people in their life who need these reminders too. I just think that's so cool, the positive force for good that we're spreading around the world together.

46:45So thank you for being here. Do not go anywhere. Wait till you hear this fifth reminder about the most powerful habit you need to create. That reminder is coming next. So stay with me.

47:06Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are talking about seven powerful reminders. These are emotional jumper cables. Zip, zap you right back into your power. You need this. I need this. We all need this. So thank you for sharing this. Let's just jump right into reminder number five. I love this one. One of the healthiest habits to learn, take nothing personally. I first learned about this in the blockbuster international book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It was first published in 1997. The Four Agreements has sold over 15 million copies worldwide. It has been on the New York Times bestseller list for over a decade.

47:50It's been published in 52 languages. And this reminder is very close to the second agreement that he writes about in this book, which is don't take anything personally. And that's an agreement you need to make with yourself so you can feel more connected to yourself. And more importantly, stop obsessing over what everyone else is doing, thinking, what their expectations are, their opinions, enough. This reminder is for all of you who are very, very sensitive, okay? This is one of the most healthy habits you can develop. Take nothing personally. Because if you're sensitive, number one, I love you.

48:39Your sensitivity is a gift. But number two, you gotta listen up because that gift also ricochets back and hits you in the forehead, okay? Because if you're someone who gets hurt easily because you're reading into the tone of a text or you read into how long it takes somebody to respond or whether or not they showed up or didn't show up or canceled or said no or what is their emotional state or what is their face looking like, this is a reminder that is gonna bring you a lot of peace, especially in those moments where you start to think the world is against you. I want you to remember this fifth reminder.

49:17One of the healthiest habits to learn, take nothing personally. That was me. That was me. Super emotional, deep feelings, reading into the moods of everybody. And if you've ever heard me talk about the let them theory, the let them theory is how you learn the habit, take nothing personally. Because when you say let them, you are forcing yourself to give people the dignity of their own emotions, their own thoughts, their own opinions. And when you say, let them, you're cuing yourself, say, okay, let them, let them think, feel, and do whatever they want. Now let me remind myself, I get to choose whether or not I take this personally.

50:04When you say, let them think what they want, let them not invite you, Let them be who they are. Let them be who they're not. Let them be in a bad mood. Let them misunderstand you. Let them try to give you a guilt trip. Let them, let them, let them, let them. Because your power is not in becoming a mind reader or a parent to other adults. Your power is in this habit. Take nothing personally. When someone disagrees with you, do not allow yourself to start questioning your capabilities. Let them disagree with you and let me remind myself, their disagreeing with me doesn't mean anything about me. You know, one of the things that I struggled with when it comes to being very, I'll just call myself hypersensitive and overreacting, is that you make it all about you.

50:59You think what everybody else is doing is somehow a reflection on you. It is not. Here's what the let them theory taught me. It taught me the truth. People project their own stress. They project their overwhelm. They project their insecurities. They project their expectations. They try to control you and change you so that they can feel how they want to feel and so that they can be right. And most of what people are doing has nothing to do with you at all. and learning how to take nothing personally will change your life. Someone else's bad mood is not a report card on your existence. Their silence does not have to be some sort of criminal sentence to what you're supposed to do for the rest of the day.

51:46Their behavior is not a vote on your value and you're gonna feel so much freer when you let this reminder land. One of the healthiest habits to learn, Take nothing personally. Stop auditioning for approval from people who are stressed out, distracted, overwhelmed, emotionally immature, and constantly projecting on you. Stop letting somebody else's nervous system run your day. Let their mood be theirs. Your life is yours. Take nothing personally, and you get your power back. Now let's move on to powerful reminder number six. And I'm going to warn you, this one's a gut check. Are you ready? Here it is.

52:34Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes.

52:42Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes. Because if you want a different life, if you want life to feel different, You cannot keep dragging the old life around like some sort of busted suitcase with a wheel that's stuck. This reminder will give you the courage to drop the parts of your life that are weighing you down, whether that's your mindset, your habits, the people you hang out with. creating a better life means saying goodbye to a lot of things one goodbye at a time. You got to say goodbye to the habits that drain you. Goodbye to the people who don't treat you that well.

53:29Goodbye to the situations you've outgrown and the job that you feel disrespected in. Goodbye to the versions of yourself that kept you small. And I want to be really clear about something here. Because I think most people, when they hear this, they actually get it wrong. Because when you hear, becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes. Most people hear this quote and assume it means, okay, I guess I have to cut people off. No, no, you don't. This isn't just about who you're saying goodbye to. It's about what you keep doing. You know, you're saying goodbye to being a doormat because you got to say hello to boundaries.

54:10You know you can be kind and still say no. You got to say goodbye to the self-criticism in order to say hello to self-confidence. You got to say goodbye to the relentless pursuit of trying to get it perfect and perfectionism. if you want to say hello to making progress and feeling a sense of momentum in your life. And so let me just say this to you because you need a friend to say it to you. You're not doing anything wrong. You're not behind. You're not broken. You're evolving. You're growing. You're learning. You're making forward progress. And every evolution comes with needing to shed things that no longer work.

55:03Every time you say goodbye to what's dragging you down, you are creating space for what's going to lift you up. You're creating space for the new. That's why you got to get rid of the old. That's what this reminder is. It's a reminder and permission to release what no longer fits so you can create space for what does. When you frame it this way, it's growth. It's not like you being heartless. Suddenly the goodbye doesn't feel like a loss. It feels like something you need to do. It feels like relief. It feels like clarity. It's obvious. I mean, obviously, if you want to create room for something new, you got to get rid of some old stuff.

55:41It's like clearing out the closet, only you're doing it with habits. You're doing it with your mindset. You're doing it with your time. You know, you don't have to think about like, oh, I got to get rid of my friends. You could just spend a little less time with them. and that creates more time to go and find people that are up to some of the things that you're up to now. That's why this powerful reminder works. It's helping your brain focus on the things that you need to do instead of clinging to the familiar things that hurt you and calling it loyalty. The reminder is simple. Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes and most of the goodbyes that you need to make are the ones that you make when you're looking in the mirror.

56:27And that is a great reminder that will help you move forward and create space for what's new. And this next one, number seven, is a beautiful sentence that will really focus your attention on what matters. And here it is. Keep in mind, there's a clock ticking that you can't see. So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life. That one hits me every single time. Because if you're anything like me, and I think most people, you spend a lot of time thinking about later. Oh, I'll call my mom later. I'll apologize this weekend. I'll take that trip next year. I'll start working out in the new year. I'll write that book when I have some time.

57:16I'll say I love you when it feels right. I'll do the thing that would make my life better tomorrow. But later is not a real day on the calendar. This powerful reminder snaps you, boom, right into the truth. Time is passing, whether you use the time or not. And instead of making that scary, this reminder, keep in mind, there's a clock ticking that you can't see. So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life. It makes your life feel more urgent in a beautiful way. It reminds you to hold the people you love closer, to stop wasting time being annoyed about the things that honestly, they don't matter in a large scheme of things.

58:08To say the things you've been meaning to say while you still have the time to say them, to live the life that's happening right in front of you, not the future one that you imagine coming around when you're retired or when the kids are a little older or when this happens or when that happens. It's like a friendly tap on the shoulder saying, hey, don't miss your own life. And there's this incredible psychology behind why this reminder motivates action. See, we have this thing that we do as human beings called temporal discounting. It means we just naturally assume we're going to have more time, more energy, and more motivation later, and so we delay the things that really matter.

58:51I learned that from Dr. Carl Pillemer. He is a professor at Cornell University and the creator and director of the Cornell Legacy Project, the largest archive of life wisdom ever collected from older Americans. He's also a nationally recognized psychologist with over 150 scientific publications, more than 26 ,000 citations, and is a best-selling author of books that translate this real research and wisdom into practical life advice. And one of the reasons why I love Professor Pellemer's research is he's taken these interviews with thousands of people in their 80s, 90s, and 100s talking about their biggest regrets in life.

59:38And his research shows the same thing over and over again. When people are on their deathbed, they don't wish they bought a bigger house. They regret not asking for forgiveness. They regret not saying, I love you more. They regret letting their relationships fall apart. So when you remember there's a clock ticking that you can't see, this choice appears. You can waste the next 10 holidays trying to fix your family, or you can learn to let them be who they are and who they're not, and use your energy to love whoever loves you. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is a choice to learn how to love people in spite of themselves and in spite of who they are.

1:00:25And one of the most powerful ideas in his work is this. When you don't have 50 years left to live, everything that really matters about life comes into focus. And that's what this reminder does for you. Keep in mind there's a clock ticking that you can't see. So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life. As you really contemplate the truth of that, There is a clock that's ticking that you can't see. I mean, you never know when your time's up. You never know when your parents are going to be gone. You don't know when your friends are no longer going to be here. Your priorities instantly shift.

1:01:06And at an even deeper level, your brain activates what psychologists call meaning motivation. It's this drive to focus on what's important. That's why reminders about time make you pick up the phone or hug your kids a little tighter or let go of petty arguments or start that project. Savor the moment. Stop talking yourself out of the things that you want to do. Allow yourself to live your life in a way that you want to live your life while you still have time. Say, I love you over and over instead of just assuming they know that you love them. this reminder wakes up that part of your brain. It pushes you from just assuming into intention from someday to today.

1:01:56It reminds me of that incredible quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward. That's what this reminder is really about. Keep moving forward with the people you love in the one life that you've got. These seven reminders aren't just words. They're weapons against playing small. And I want you to have all of these seven reminders right at your fingertips. I want them encoded into your brain. I want you to write them out and stick them on your fridge or stick them on your desk because they are the truth and they work and they are these emotional jumper cables that'll snap you out of that bad day, woe is me, kicking the can down the field, waiting for tomorrow.

1:02:56No, no, no, no, no. That's not what you're doing. You need these reminders. So here they are. You can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to fuck off when needed. It's called boundaries. The best thing a therapist ever told me is, you're not lazy. You only have a certain amount of energy right now, and you're using it all to survive. You know who's going through a tough time right now? Everyone. Be kind. I'm not everything I want to be yet, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago. And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that. One of the healthiest habits to learn, take nothing personally.

1:03:39Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes. Keep in mind, there's a clock ticking that you can't see. So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life. I want you to use these reminders. Write them down, say them out loud, share them with people you love. Come back to them, come back to this episode. Anytime you need to get your head, your heart, your mojo back in the right place, because that's what those reminders do. They remind you of who you are, what you're capable of, and what's truly important in life. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to make sure to tell you as your friend.

1:04:28I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And these seven powerful reminders will help you do exactly that. Alrighty. I'll see you in the very next episode. I'll be waiting for you the moment you hit play. I'll welcome you in.

1:04:49Okay. Ready? Can I have the eyeglass cleaner, David. Hold on a second. Okay. Sorry. I want to say one other thing. Are they plowing? I love that. Please, please, please. Perfect. Perfect. Nope. Perfect. Perfect. I love that. Okay. Great. So don't preview that. Okay. Great. Great. Okay. Ooh, I love this one. Here we go. Is this what you don't want? Okay. Keep going. What was the last line that I said? You know, who's going through a tough run? Keep going up, like down. I mean, there we go. You're probably going to be like, I knew we didn't need this, but here we go. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know, while you're getting through the day, I want you to just take a moment and hold on.

1:05:29I also want you to share these reminders with people that you care about. Every single buddy. Hold on a second. Jesus. Let me start over. There we go. Boom. Great coaching. And we're done. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

1:06:13Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.