Feeling Lost or Behind in Life? The #1 Happiness Expert Explains How to Find Your Purpose

22:30Mel Robbins:You know, it's magical that you're sitting here because as we were driving over this morning, my sister-in-law, Christine, who's also our chief operating officer. We were just kind of chatting about what we were doing this weekend because I live in Vermont. She lives outside of Chicago. And she was saying, I went to church and I just love going to church. And she said, I love going because it just gives me a chance to step out of the busyness of life and to sit quietly and to contemplate bigger themes and to be reminded that there is something much larger in life than the things that are going on in my life.

23:12Mel Robbins:She said, you know, it makes me very sad that so many people have left places of worship for good reason. You know, a lot of people leave and don't have the ritual of being in contemplation and being in community and really reflecting on larger themes about life that remind you that it's not about you. That there's something bigger going on that connects us all. And I know we're going to get into the research around this, but you do keep bringing up church. But I know that you're not bringing it up to say that you need to go to church. You're basically saying there are places and structures that used to be in our day-to-day life that got weeded out because of productivity and work and travel sports and disenfranchisement with what was happening in the leadership in some of these places.

24:13Mel Robbins:But we've lost something. So if you take the church or the synagogue or the mosque or the actual kind of secular nature out of it, what is it that we've lost that you want the person listening to really get purposeful about. Oh, Mel, what a wonderful summary. And every now and then you're just awestruck by an observation or an insight. And Jane Goodall, who's one of my heroes, you know, who studied the chimpanzees and fought for their protection. And she really felt, as Charles Darwin did, that chimps had a sense of wonder and awe. And she even said spirituality. She said, which is really very simply being amazed at things outside of yourself.

24:56And that's where purpose comes from, is I have this self and I'm going to navigate the world and meet my needs. But as humans and as mammals, I am able to connect to things in a service-filled way that are outside of me, right? And we used to find that in church. And that is one of the fundamental strengths and forms of empowerment in church. And now we're adrift of that. And like you said, the productivity emphasis and the emphasis on writing code as opposed to reading a novel and thinking about what does it mean to fall in love? Or how do I think about life and death? We've lost it. And I think it'll return.

25:38I think people are starting to wonder about that. And I don't bring up the yoga example as a silly example. It's very serious, which is it has this structure that you talked about of I'm with people. We're breathing together. We're quiet together. We're reflecting together. We're doing these ancient practices. And there's a lot of that that we can find in our lives. Hmm.

26:01Mel Robbins:So Dr. Keltner, I can tell, especially given that you've been a professor for decades, that you're very worried about the state of the world and you're worried in what you're seeing and what the research shows, which is, you know, when I think back, I'm 57. When I think back, however many decades that I was in college, you were like a little acorn ready to crack open and grow into a mighty oak and full of wonder and oh my gosh. And it's discouraging to hear your observation that you're not seeing that. So what is it that you think every 20-something needs to hear? What I really started to emphasize in my teaching, I teach happiness to 500 students each year, is the most important thing that I want you to get out of this class is for you to inquire, figure out what's meaningful to you and start to develop a philosophy of living.

26:55Like, what do you care about? What's your sense of ethics? What are your core moral passions in you that you want to be alive at every step of the way in life? When you're at the end of life, what do you want to have given to the world? What will that look like? Those are all questions about what's a philosophy of life. We have had millennia of efforts to teach this. This used to be the core of an education. Who are you and what do you want to give to the world? And we've lost it. I also use the word soul a lot. I'm a scientist. I couldn't measure the soul. I don't know what it is, but it's intuitive.

27:29It's like there's something sacred in me that is what life is about for me here on earth. And they should feel that in their youth and find it. And that's what I asked them to do. And then the rest is easier, right? Once you figure out, like, I love serving young kids, then your job's going to come. You know, you'll know how to sort of volunteer. Things come more easily once you ask those big questions.

27:59Mel Robbins:What is your definition of happiness? Happiness is if you feel like you're doing the things in the world that you're supposed to do. They give you a sense of purpose, give you the goosebumps as you're approaching the day. If you see it in other people and they're doing it with you, you tear up. That's why I'm here. And within the scientific literature on happiness, we call that meaning. Right now, I think we're in an era of meaning that you've been pushing me on, Mel. Like, hey, put aside this pleasure and ease and stuff. How do we really handle the exhaustion and purposelessness of our times?

28:37And it really is finding meaning. And that's when you feel like I'm doing what I'm here on earth to do.

28:43Mel Robbins:I want to make sure as you're listening, you're picking up on this in what Dr. Keltner is teaching us. You have not attached career, job, and money to the thing that is your calling or your meaning. Yeah. Yeah. And you just gave me goosebumps. Thank you for saying that. Goosebumps are a source of awe and a recognition of what's important in an idea, a big idea that you just floated. Yeah, you know, we're, there is no doubt, you know, it's harder to pay bills for young people. They're looking at affordability issues, new kinds of salary structure. We know AI now is going to hurt younger jobs, right?

29:22Which is not a surprise. So it's stressful, no doubt. But I think we're going to be in this era and the upside to AI is it could enable this, which is to find your calling, your purpose, what you care about, and express it out there. And I think we're going to move out of this era of perfectionism that you may have seen it around you, you know. And man, it's tough. And like allow young people, if they want to be a struggling actress, that's a good thing. That's where their purpose is. If they want to be a carpenter, like my dad was, that's a wonderful career, right? We want to encourage all of the kinds of work and not just the perfectionistic type work.

30:03And then to really broaden out and think about what's your service, what's your form of creativity, and see if we can cultivate that.

30:10Mel Robbins:Dr. Kellner, thank you for explaining it that way. I need to take a quick break to give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. And I also want to give you a chance to share this episode with someone in your life who really deserves the gift of Dr. Keltner's research and this perspective shift of being more purposeful in your day-to-day life. Stay with me. We'll be right back.

30:39Mel Robbins:Our listeners love puzzles, paradoxes, and hidden patterns almost as much as we do. On TikTok, those fascinations come to life. People are breaking down physics, exploring geology, and explaining why the world works the way it does. You'll see impressive experiments, explanations that finally make sense, and connections you didn't expect. It's like having a lab, a lecture hall, and science museum in your pocket. TikTok is where wonder is shared, where curiosity turns into discovery, and where millions learn something new every day. Considering a college degree, but haven't started yet? Remember this, confidence is the willingness to try.

31:22Mel Robbins:And Southern New Hampshire University can help. They have over 200 online programs so you can study where it's convenient. And there are no set class times so you can study when it's convenient too. It's truly a college that lets you balance learning with your busy life. Visit snhu.edu slash mel to explore everything Southern New Hampshire University has to offer. I am so thrilled that everyone is talking about menopause and perimenopause. The hot flashes, the brain fog, the changes to your skin, your mood, your hair, frozen shoulder, all of it. I mean, the fact that we're finally having conversations based on research and science and women are getting the attention they deserve, holy cow.

32:09Mel Robbins:But here's the part that we also need to talk about. Where do you go for care and when? That's where our sponsor Midi Health comes in. Midi is the largest virtual clinic for women in midlife, founded by two incredible women whose vision was to change the way women are treated, particularly during perimenopause and menopause. Midi's clinicians are specially trained in menopause and perimenopause care and will work with you to build a customized plan personalized to your specific symptoms. That includes safe, effective medications and supplements, both hormonal and non-hormonal. And visits are covered by insurance.

32:45Mel Robbins:Talk to the experts at MIDI, where no question is taboo. Book your first virtual visit today at joinmidi.com. That's joinmidi.com.

33:01Mel Robbins:welcome back it's your friend mel robbins today you and i are learning from dr keltner we're hearing all about the science of awe 40 years of research on meaning and purpose and how to start living more purposefully today i love this conversation so much dr keltner i want to just stay right where we were if you're feeling a lack of purpose and meaning right now what's the first step you can take. It begins with asking yourself questions like, what really inspired me as a child? And for me, it was like encountering dinosaurs when I was five. I was like, I love evolution and dinosaurs. What inspired you as a child?

33:37Who inspired you in your life? And you think about those people. And Mel, what those questions get to is, what's inside of you? What are your core strengths. And we know from this really interesting, inspiring science and practice of virtue that's age old is, you know, there's six or seven core strengths that we can be thinking about. Each of us is different and they speak to us in different ways. So it might be knowledge, right? You might love crossword puzzles and, you know, studying things and learning about music or birding or the like. It might be courage. You might just find great inspiration and sort of a sense of purpose in doing courageous things and getting out and taking chances.

34:21Kindness is just a universal, like tending to people, volunteering who need help. There are a lot of people today, you know, who could use, you're 90 years old and you could use that drive to the supermarket. They're the justice people and they're around us, you know, and man, they will find their purpose if they get a chance to fight for what they think is fair. There's a kind of strength that's more transcendent, like meditation and spirituality and just finding the questions about divinity or whatever form it takes. And one of my favorites is the creativity types. They love humor and stand-up comedy, and they're going to do spoken word or write their short story or join the book club or whatever.

35:06And there it's just like creating. And what I love about these ideas is this isn't about your career or how you make money. This is just what you're going to enjoy on the weekend and what you should prioritize in your life to find a little bit more purpose during these times.

35:21Mel Robbins:What I love about those core strengths that you just listed off, and you said knowledge, courage, kindness, justice, transcendence, which to me felt like just seeking deeper connection and creativity, is as you were talking, Dr. Keltner, and I'm glad you said, this isn't like what you do for a job. I almost thought to myself, you know, if this is your core strength, it doesn't mean you're good at it. What it means is you come alive. You cannot help but feel like yourself when you are either doing something that's creative or you get lost in some sort of poem you're reading or you are arguing with people because fairness is just something that just you just get.

36:16Mel Robbins:It's almost like this is so core to who you are that you are the only one that can block yourself from this. Yeah. Is that a fair thing to say? Yeah. And you just gave me goosebumps because what you said is so important. You know, this isn't about your career. This isn't about what you do. This isn't about how you label yourself. This is where you come alive. This may not even be the thing you do most of the time, but it gives you so much meaning. Your wonderful description made me think about my own life. Personally, I was raised by my mom taught literature. My dad was a visual artist. And I was no good at the arts.

36:55And I couldn't write fiction to save my life, even though I wanted to. But I will tell you, Mel, being in a museum, seeing plays, reading fiction, hearing fiction, I am most alive in the arts, creativity, and beauty. and yet it's not how I make my living. It's not what I'm necessarily great at, but wow, do I come alive for reasons I can't describe to you. And just knowing that, it's like if I want a sense of purpose, I go see a movie. If I want a sense of purpose, I will go to a play and just take it in. It'll give me all this insight about life as art does because that's something core to me that is what really matters.

37:39Mel Robbins:You also, Dr. Keltner, talked about two questions. You were talking about, you know, whether thinking about childhood or any moment in your life where you're inspired. And then the second question was, who are the people or the people in history that have inspired you? As you answer those questions for yourself and you think about your core values, what do you then do with those insights? Because it gives you data about what makes you come alive, but how do I then apply it in my life right now? Yeah. And, you know, this is merging a couple of really rich literatures, Mel. You know, the narrative psychology of, like, we are stories.

38:20We're almost like books. Dacker is a novel in some sense. So there are these early inspirations and people who move me. And those forms of inspiration point to like, this is what I care about. And I remember when I was on a panel with the Dalai Lama in 2003, he said, kindness is a basic state of human nature. And I was blown away. I was like, wow, that's so rich as an idea as a scientist. And it's also rich as an idea how to live life. It's like, it's so basic. That's all we have to do, practice kindness. His quote, if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

39:04That insight coming out of someone who inspires me taught me a lot. And then you start to take these insights through this inquiry, to use your word, and like, okay, I have a free weekend. What should I do? Well, maybe I'd like to volunteer inside a prison, which I did. Maybe I should volunteer in the parks and help with tracking what bird species are. Maybe I should volunteer in a school. So from the inquiry, and once you get a sense of like, I care about justice, you know, well, this is the book I'll read. I'll read To Kill a Mockingbird, you know, and then I'll have this conversation with people.

39:41So they're just guides. They're good compasses to friendships and to volunteer work, to what we want to pursue, what we want to enjoy as a film. So they're good ways to go about the life.

39:54Mel Robbins:And I want to make sure, as you were listening to Dr. Keltner, you heard the genius of the instruction. He didn't say quit your job and pursue something else. He didn't say you need to have some 17-step morning routine. He said once you ask yourself these questions, when have I been inspired? Who inspires me? What is my core value here? he's instructing us to insert something that feels like that this weekend into your life. And that's how you start to remind yourself of who you are. That's how you start to reconnect with the parts of yourself that you have forgotten or that have been buried under the to-dos and the busyness and the headlines.

40:37It's by remembering what made you come alive and remembering what

40:42Mel Robbins:matters and then finding small ways where you are right now to do something. It's so important, and you make it sound so simple. Dr. Keltner, I'd love to dig into your incredible research around awe. What is awe, and why did you decide you were going to study it and write a blockbuster bestseller about it? We've been talking about brief moments of really important meaning and purpose. And awe is an emotion you feel when you encounter things that are most typically vast and you don't understand. So you see a lightning storm or you're at the U2 concert and it's incomprehensible how music could be so powerful.

41:28Or you are witnessing somebody who is giving away all their resources to a stranger, right? And you're awestruck, vast and mysterious. As an emotion, it moves into our body and we tear up and we get goosebumps and our heart feels warm, right? It changes our neurophysiology. And then awe really is, as Jane Goodall said, when you're amazed at things outside of yourself. You want to give to it. You want to promote it. You want to create community. It really brings out the better angels of our nature. And as I got interested in awe, I was raised in kind of a wild context of the late 60s and by an artist and a literature professor in Laurel Canyon.

42:12You know, crazy times. Very awe-inspiring times. And I was lucky enough to develop scientific tools to study it. How do you study awe?

42:23Mel Robbins:Like, what do you do? You have people listen to music. We take people outside and they look at big trees. We have people think about someone who inspires them in a really life-altering way. We've studied people in national parks. We've studied people at the Great Wall in China. We've had them look at big views. You know, there are other scientists who've gone to mosh pits at concerts, you know. So it's actually a pretty easy emotion to study. We've done research in art museums, you know, and you can get people to feel awe if they slow down and look at a painting in a really powerful way. And then you measure it.

42:57You ask people how you feel. You measure the brain. You measure the goosebumps. You measure activation of the vagus nerve. Turns out, even though people think you couldn't study it, it's actually pretty tractable or easy to study in the lab.

43:09Mel Robbins:Dr. Keltner, I am so happy that you're here. Thank you for being here with us. And I just hate to do this, but I got to hit the pause button so we can give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words. But while you're listening to our sponsors, don't go anywhere because a little bit later, Dr. Keltner is going to teach you this one-minute habit that based on 40 years of research will reduce depression, anxiety, daily stress. It makes you feel more purposeful. It's free, and you can practice it tonight. Trust me, you're going to want to know what this is. Don't go anywhere. We're going to be right back.

43:49Mel Robbins:One of the best things about summer is that it just feels easier, doesn't it? And that's how your summer clothing should feel. Easy. Things you wear on repeat. Comfortable, versatile, breathable. Somehow perfect for summer. And our sponsor, Quince, makes it so easy to have clothes you love wearing in the summer, on the hot days, on the breezy nights. From 100 % European linen pants, dresses, and tops, they are perfect for all summer long. And it's not just apparel. They also offer essentials for your home, from bedding to bath, kitchen essentials, and furniture. One of my favorite things from Quince?

44:26Mel Robbins:These stylish, amazing sandals that look way more expensive than they were. Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com slash Mel for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Quince.com slash Mel for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash Mel. Here on this podcast, we talk a lot about tools. Tools for solving things that are expected or maybe things that aren't. Here's a tool to keep your schedule together. Take 5 Oil Change. The moment your oil light comes on, head to Take 5. They check everything, explain what you need, what you don't, and you're done in about 10 minutes.

45:07Mel Robbins:Don't let an oil change interrupt your schedule. Visit take5.com slash podcast and save up to 30%. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. I'm always going to tell you, you deserve to have support. And one of the things that stops people from reaching out for the support that they deserve is the stigma. The sense that if I'm asking for help, people are going to judge me. Maybe you've encouraged friends to consider therapy while avoiding taking that first step yourself because you're worried that people will think that if you're going to therapy, it means you're weak. As your friend, I'm going to tell you, no, no, no, no.

45:41Mel Robbins:When you seek support, that to me is a sign that you're strong. All you do is take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences, and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Their industry-leading match rate means BetterHelp typically gets it right the first time. And you can feel confident knowing BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully qualified. Don't let hesitation hold you back. Find support with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash Mel Robbins. That's betterhelp.com slash Mel Robbins.

46:20Mel Robbins:Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today you and I are getting to learn from Dr. Keltner, and we're talking all about how to find your purpose and live a meaningful life based on 40 years of research. Okay. Dr. Keltner, I want to stay right where we were. I'd love to have you walk me through what is happening in my brain and body when I have a moment of awe. And I'm thinking about this because I'm taking a bucket list trip three days from now, going rafting through the Grand Canyon, something I've always wanted to do. This is like three years in the planning. And I know every time we come around to Ben, I'm going to be like, oh.

47:03You just did part of it.

47:04Mel Robbins:And so what happens? I even feel all like I'm that crazy person in our family that around dusk, I'm like, shh, can you hear the barred owl? Can you hear the barred owl? Because they're now, you know, doing their, who cooks for you? Who cooks for you? Like they're calling right now to each other. And so what is happening in you in a moment of awe? Yeah. What wonderful descriptions. So when you encounter things that are way beyond your frame of reference, like the river and the Grand Canyon, or a symphony of birdsong that you hear. Or sunset. Sunsets, the colors and the changing colors and time.

47:46Suddenly it's like, wow, this is different how I ordinarily perceive reality. It's beyond my frame of reference, and I can't classify it. And then what happens is part of your brain, called the default mode network, quiets down. It deactivates. and the default mode network or DMN is where the ego and the self-relevant processes take place. My checklists and my to-do lists and my goals and ambitions, that quiets down. And that's very much akin to when people are out at nature at the U2 concert or wherever, they feel like their ego is no longer hassling them. They feel like I'm free of my ego. So that part of your brain deactivates.

48:26Then these regions of your nervous system, the vagus nerve, this big bundle of nerves wandering through your chest, calms your heart rate, opens your chest, makes you feel connected to other people. That's activated. A little bit of evidence showing oxytocin is released, this kind of like, we're all one being, you know, your immune system is functioning better. And then very importantly, you get quiet. Your mind opens and expands. You see how you, as Mel or Dak or our listener out there, are part of larger things, right? And suddenly when you're feeling awe, you're like, wow, I'm part of everybody who's listening to this podcast or I'm part of these people quietly meditating or I'm part of an ecosystem.

49:11I'm listening to bird call and bird song and it sounds like human song and music. Wow. And part of this big thing, right? And then you have this sense of deep meaning and purpose. And that's so central to our conversation. Like, you know, when I have awe out backpacking, which, you know, which I do every summer, it's just with my daughter, Natalie and friends, and it's just so reliable. And it's like, you know, I am this small species and a member of a big species, but we're just part of this ecosystem. I'm part of the trees and the rivers and the fish I see in the rivers and the changing light of the day.

49:51I'm just part of, this is life, right? I'm part of life. Darwin called it endless forms most beautiful is what life is. And that's transcendent, right? That's when you're like, all these individual concerns I have, the stresses, the exhaustion I feel fade away, and you find something to devote yourself to.

50:09Mel Robbins:I think you just explained why I am an absolute sucker for a documentary about wildlife. I watch all the Earth series and I sit there. I'm like, oh my gosh, look at those penguins. Oh wow, look at the magic of the seals swimming through the sea kelp. And you're right. You just feel connected to something outside of yourself and magical that has nothing to do with your to-do list or your self-criticism. What have you found in the research, Dr. Keltner, in terms of how making it a habit to purposefully have moments of daily awe, how does that improve your health? Yeah, you know, Mel, as I was doing this work in big lab, like lots of people working on this, we're heading into the mental health crises, the loneliness epidemic.

51:02Vivek Murthy had called our attention to. And I faced a lot of skeptics, like, wait a minute, if depression's rising out of COVID, you think awe is the answer? And we actually found, like, if you practice a minute of awe a day, you feel less depressed. And so what we've found makes me feel bullish. And when I'm in front of a thousand doctors and giving a talk, which I do routinely to MDs and nurses and healthcare providers, other healthcare providers, I say there's nothing better for your mind and body than a minute of awe a day. And what we know is a minute of awe a day reduces depression, reduces anxiety, reduces the daily stresses, makes you feel less exhausted and more energetic, makes you feel more connected, less lonely, more purposeful, is good for your heart, is good for your immune system, reduces inflammation in the body.

51:56That's a few minutes of awe a day. You step outside and you look at the sunset and you pause and you watch the colors change and your body starts to feel, as Emerson said, like there's nothing nature cannot repair. So, yeah, it's a battle cry in some sense for me, which is that we have data showing money gets in the way of all. You don't need any money to find this. What we need to do is just look around us, think about an opportunity for all and go get it. So Dr.

52:27Mel Robbins:Kellner, can you walk us through how you do one minute of awe? Because after you gave that long list, I want that. And I know the person who's listening wants that. So how do we do it? After we started to document these health benefits of awe, we started to test it. Like, can this benefit people in systematic ways? And we've got good evidence for that. What I tell people is really simple, which is pause, put away your devices, open your mind, take a deep breath. And then, you know, Mel, in our research from around the world, we found these eight wonders, right, that really help us put on a practice.

53:04So find it in nature, right? So go outside and look at the sky. I do this with my undergrads. They're like, oh, my God, look at the clouds. So take a minute to look at the sky. Moral beauty. Think of somebody who inspires you, right? And just feel that in your body. Think about collective movement. Is that what you're doing in your yoga studio or at the Red Sox game or at a concert? Think about a visual opportunity for all. Some people love paintings or visual patterns. Think about music. Music's one of my favorite. You know, Mel, we forget how powerful it is, how much it can give to us. So find a piece of music that gives you some tears and just listen to it for a minute.

53:48And then a couple of the other wonders are, you know, think about ideas you care about. And really provocatively is the life cycle. Just think about this cycle of life. We only have a little time here on earth, right? It's just a fundamental truth. The people we love have this sense of cycle and just reflect on what that means to you.

54:10Mel Robbins:Hmm. So I want you to help me and the person who's listening to experience awe right now. And my team has this extraordinary bouquet of flowers. And it has been sitting next to me this entire time kind of under the table. And so I'm going to grab it and put it on the table in front of me, and then I'm going to have you walk me and the person who's with us through an experience of how we can feel awe. Wonderful. Oh, those are beautiful. These are stunners. Yeah. To my right is a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in this cool glass jar. And imagine jewel tones. Like, it's an explosion of spring. And if you love flowers like I do, we have a tree peony and an anemone and garden roses and snapdragons and lianthus and Queen Anne's lace and some greens.

55:17Mel Robbins:And it's like a very English garden style bouquet. They're incredible. You ready? Yes. You're going to be a subject in an experiment? Yes. Let's do it. All right. For the listeners out there, I'd really encourage you to either at this moment, orient to the sky, or if you're outside, orient to some trees, or when you have a chance to pick a place in nature that really speaks to you. The important point is either take a moment to just take in some of the sensory experiences of nature, whatever it may be. It could be flowers. It could be trees around you, a forest, the sound of rain, et cetera. There's all research on this.

55:59If you are inside an office where there's no nature, pause for a moment and think of a place in nature that really means a lot to you, right? It could be a campsite that your family goes to or a place you like to backpack or a garden that you may be growing things in. Most of us have that thing. So we're going to do that. And Mel, what I'm going to have you do is I'm going to have you kind of slow down and focus on this bouquet. And we're going to walk through the senses. And then I'm going to ask you some awe-related questions. So what I'd like you to do, and this is good for any awe practice, is just to let your gaze move through the flowers, zero in on the really fine details of flowers, and then move out and look at the broader patterns of the flowers.

56:56go from small to vast and let your powerful eyes see all the miracles of the flowers patterns i want you to let your gaze move around the bouquet and just look at the different colors and the hues of the different colors what comes to mind when you look at the shapes of the flowers There's smallness in the vastness and then the colors. Where does your mind go?

57:25Mel Robbins:Well, the first thing is just how shocking it is that something so intricate and beautiful could come from what was once either a tiny bulb or a seed. And the diversity of the shapes, like the flat open petals of the anemone versus the layers and layers and layers and layers of petals in these garden roses and how different that is from the teeny tiny little blue. I don't know if those are cornflowers or what they are. And then the snapdragon, the snapdragon are like these puffs of popcorn up a stem. And then you look at the Queen Anne's lace and it's so crazy fine that you would almost miss the fact that it looks like a piece of lace, but it's made up of these tiny little flat things that are like the size of a dime that each have another 25 tiny little flowers on them.

58:39Incredible.

58:39Mel Robbins:And so when you see them in a field, they're like four or five feet tall and that's like a white blanket. But up close, you realize how intricate and delicate it looks. You ready for the next step? That was awesome. I think we have 12 million receptors in the nose that take in fragrances and tell us what things are. We navigate the world through our sense of smell. So if you can, just move over and smell a few of the flowers, whatever ones you like. And Mel, I want you to engage in a stream of consciousness. Like, where does your mind go? Okay, I'm going to bring this close. When you smell things, what comes to mind?

59:17Mel Robbins:Okay, so I just smelled a rose, and it just reminds me of weddings. Like, there's something about the rose smell that just is wedding, wedding, wedding. Okay, that peony does not have a smell. Let's go over to this one. lianthus doesn't have much of a smell but it reminds me of cut grass that's a nice smell yes that's a cut grass for me is a big one what's it make you think of my dad because he was always out mowing the lawn oh this one's really good this rose is a different variety it reminds me of my grandmother and what about your grandmother um like just hugs smells warm familiar smells like summer too.

1:00:02Mel Robbins:Beautiful. Yeah. Scent is awesome, you know, just that it can transport us in time like that. All right. Close your eyes. Final awe prompt in our awe experiment here on the Mill Robin show. You know, we have all these incredible receptors in our hands that help us understand what things are through touch. Just sort of move your hand over the flowers and just touch. And what do they remind you of? What's the touch feel like to you? There's lots of different textures. It feels, oh my God, it reminds me of being a kid. I grew up in Western Michigan and tiny town, and I spent so much time laying in my front yard, staring up at the sky.

1:00:42Mel Robbins:And it reminds me of just touching grass as a kid. All right. So that has just been a couple of minutes and what we've done are three different sensory accesses, if you will, to awe, which is, you know, scent and vision and then tactile contact. Nature is one of the most powerful sources of awe around the world, no matter where you are, just trees and rivers and sounds and birdsong and skies and flowers and the natural world, mountains, etc. And I think that the key and what we do in all of our research is like, pause, put things away, calm down, and then take in this whole miracle in some sense of the small intricacy of the design, the vastness, and then where does your mind go as you appreciate it?

1:01:31So as you look at the bouquet now, what comes to mind?

1:01:35Mel Robbins:The anemones are insane. There's like these teeny tiny little, like I don't know what the word's called, of the little petally things around the center that the bees come to. And they're like purpley blue. And I'm focusing on that because like the actual crazy amount of detail, the variegation on the leaves, the difference of all the petals, it's right in front of you. And even forget nature, if you had a minute when you were going through the grocery store and you stopped for a second to just be present with a bouquet and notice all the difference, you could tap into this inside. And it also, on a deeper level, just makes me think about my parents because my parents are massive gardeners and my love of gardening comes from them.

1:02:30Mel Robbins:And I think about my husband, Chris, who four years ago built me some raised flower beds, boxes for Mother's Day because those damn voles kept eating all my tulip bulbs. So, you know, now I go out in the garden every night and I cut flowers and I inspect what's coming up. And there's so much around you that you're missing that you could slow down and drop into everywhere. Yeah. And that's the lesson of all, right? Is there are these incredible systems that we're not aware of. And once you listen to a piece of music and then you take the time just to think about where it came from and what it means, suddenly it becomes richer.

1:03:17You know, for me, because I've studied so much emotional behavior and expression in the face and the voice, if I just slow down and look at all the ways in which people are cooperating with each other on a daily basis, on a street corner, at a daycare center, you know, on a university campus, it just almost makes me cry. And it's the same thing. You're seeing the miracle that is always there. And that's what all is. And I love your parents and your grandmother's recollection because it reveals what we've been talking about, which is it's part of your bigger story of life.

1:03:52Mel Robbins:I'm going to move that down. Otherwise, I'm going to be so distracted by the flowers. I'm not going to be able to ask you any additional questions. Dr. Kelter, what is an awe walk? Humans are a walking species. We walk on our two legs, our two feet. Chimpanzees don't. We have meandered to all the continents on the earth. We are an itinerant species. It's just part of what we do. And walking is great. There are all these great traditions of walking. There are often in spiritual traditions forms of pilgrimages where you walk. And most people who are probably listening to this have a walking tradition.

1:04:31And that's good news. It's very good for your body and your mind. And so what we decided to do, Mel, when this was a Virginia Sturm, is we added a little awe to your regular walk. And it was exactly like what you did with the flowers. We asked people, take a walk once a week. And in our control condition, go out and enjoy your walk. In our all-walk condition, look around to the small and the vast, the little bark on the tree and the full bark patterns on the tree, the cloud, the patterns of clouds, the raindrop, the full storm. Go from vast to small. go to places that are filled with childlike wonder, which we've been talking about.

1:05:11Like, whoa, the swing sets my daughters used to swing on, et cetera. And just do that. You can do that anywhere. Go on your walk, slow it down, just look around you and look for small things, you know, vast things. And then go to places where you might feel a little curiosity and wonder. And what we found is in that study, it made elderly people who are 75 years old or older feel less pain in their bodies. And more recently, we have a paper under review showing greater brain health six years later, which is amazing. And what's interesting, Mel, I love how your mind went on a journey with the flowers, which you were like, suddenly you got a bigger picture of your relationship to flowers.

1:05:57My husband, Chris, and the flower beds, and my clipping them each night, and the foals, and my grandmother, and my parents. Suddenly, you had a map on where to go. And that's what the all-walk did as well. Once you start doing it, you start practicing all-walks wherever you go. I do all-walks in the airport. I'll be like, okay, I'm really tense. I have flight anxiety. Let's look at the moments of goodness here. And it can work.

1:06:20Mel Robbins:You know, I have a little twist on this. Okay. Because every time I walk, I'm doing an all-walk. because the thing I'm purposeful about is I play a game to see if I can just see a naturally occurring heart shape in the vast clouds or in a oil stain in the concrete or a leaf. And then when I see it, because I now always see them everywhere. That's awesome. I just take a moment and really kind of savor that that was put there for me. Oh, that is nice. And it's killer. And so now our family group chat is full of heart-shaped random objects that people see on walks. But it's a way that I've applied your research and added a little twist to it.

1:07:10That's a wonderful twist.

1:07:11Mel Robbins:You know, Dr. Keltner, I see this quote floating around, that the amount of good in your life depends on your ability to see it. Yeah, I love Thich Nhat Hanh, this Buddhist practitioner who said, so much of our life is oriented towards fear. And of course, you know, there's a lot to be fearful of. You know, there's climate crises and economic issues and war and of course, but that's part of the story. That is always part of the story. And if you just pause and open your mind, you have the chance to see the miracles of life, in his words. You can smell the flowers. You can hear young children laughing.

1:07:49You can see the light in somebody's eyes. Just a little instant. So that is always true. And for skeptics out there, this is a hard time. But time and time again, people who are facing the hardest times, I learned this from prisoners inside prison. You talk to veterans, like the toughest times in combat, they return to these fundamental truths that there's also beauty and there's also awe. And I think we just have to take the time, like this podcast and conversation with you, Mel. Like, let's remind ourselves of these beauties because they are powerful and they're there to guide us.

1:08:27Mel Robbins:You know, Dr. Keltner, if you had to distill everything that you shared with us today, so the most important thing for the person listening to do as soon as the episode is finished, what do you think that is? I hope your audience appreciates. I was genetically wired to feel a lot of anxiety. Panic is everywhere in my mom's side of the family. Losing my brother, really deep grief. And I had to find my way through answering the question you asked. And for me, Eleanor Roosevelt, every night when she went to bed, she had this prayer where she said, I want to see the simple beauties all around me and be aware of the hidden loveliness of people that they ordinarily hide.

1:09:18And for me, those two words, simple beauties. And I believe that. I believe that anywhere there are beauties in the people around you, in the natural world, in the music you hear, in the things that bring us all, you know, the eight wonders that we've talked about. And so to me, this is one of our great strengths as a species is to be able to notice the beauty in the glass of water or a conversation or the eyes of somebody or memories of the past, right? And we always have that capacity no matter where we are. It doesn't cost a dime. You don't have to move a step. And the simple beauties are there to access.

1:09:58And I think that's why Eleanor Roosevelt said it. And it's meant a lot to me.

1:10:03Mel Robbins:Well, Dr. Keltner, you mean a lot to me. Oh. And I know you mean a lot to the person who's listening. And your research and your work is a treasure for all of us. So thank you for what you do. Thank you for hopping on a plane, even though you're anxious about flying and flying across country. I've got my tricks. To share all of this research and wisdom with us. and I am forever a fan and grateful. Thank you, Mel. I've had many goosebumps during our conversation for good reason. It's been wonderful. Me too. And I also want to thank you. Thank you for taking the time to listen to something that will not only help you find awe and beauty in your day-to-day life, I truly believe that if you apply everything that Dr.

1:10:52Mel Robbins:Keltner taught you today, it will help you find your calling and a deeper sense of meaning in this one incredibly amazing life that you get to live. Alrighty, in case nobody else tells you today, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And creating a life that has a deeper sense of meaning and being more purposeful is clearly the secret to doing that. So go do it. Alrighty, I'll see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

1:11:25Mel Robbins:What are they called? Stanim? What are those things called that the bees land on? Do you know what they're called, Em? And this is called lianthus. Lithianthus? It's called something like that. I mean, look at this bad boy. This is almost like giving birth. It's kind of erotic. I don't know. It's kind of... We don't need to feel... Finger the flowers. I'm forgetting that I'm supposed to ask you a question because I'm hanging out everywhere. work. And so I forget, like, because I'm just so busy listening and taking it all in. I'm like, oh, I got to ask you another question. You caught me off guard, Mel.

1:12:02Mel Robbins:That's okay. You're absolutely destroying it. And besides, the timing's perfect, right, Jasmine, with the helicopter going by. See how that works? I'm in awe. That's it. Great job, everybody.

1:12:16Oh, and one more thing.

1:12:18Mel Robbins:And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

1:12:51Sirius XM Podcasts.

1:12:58Mel Robbins:This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is 0.39 % in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it doesn't have to be that way. But with SoFi's high yield checking and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No account or overdraft fees. We love transparency. You can get your paycheck up to two days early. Plus, get up to a$300 welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit.

1:13:43Mel Robbins:Sign up for SoFi Checking and Savings at SoFi.com slash Mel. SoFi Checking and Savings is offered through SoFi Bank and a member FDIC. Terms apply. The Mel Robbins Podcast is brought to you by Home Instead. Home Instead provides in-home care to help older adults stay safe, comfortable, and independent in the place they love. It's not about taking anything away. It's about adding support, companionship, and peace of mind for families navigating what's next. Home Instead is an approachable home care partner that helps make this transition feel more manageable so families don't have to figure it out alone.

1:14:20Mel Robbins:Contact Home Instead today at homeinstead.com and begin your A Better What's Next.