Get Your Sh*t Together: This 85-Year-Old Badass Does More Than You & Me (Steal Her 7 Amazing Secrets to Life)

0:00Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

0:08I am so excited for today's conversation because we're going to talk about longevity. And by longevity, I don't mean how do you live forever? I mean, how do you live a long, vibrant, connected, happy, healthy, and purpose-driven life? How do you do that? What are the guidelines, the keys, the secrets? What are the mistakes that people make that prevent them from doing that? And in order for us to really dig into this topic in a fun and entertaining and helpful way, I thought, why don't I just track down the most badass woman that I know in terms of somebody who's in their 80s? Who am I talking about?

0:48I'm talking about my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. Every single time I post some photo with her or some video with her on social media, you guys hammer me with questions. How does she have biceps in a six pack at the age of 82? How can she hold a plank for two minutes and 30 seconds? That is true. In fact, we were in bar class the other day and we walk in and I go and grab the five pound weights. She freaking grabs the eight pound weights. Show off. No, I'm joking, but seriously, I have been so impressed because she has been a widow since she was 69 years old. And she lives her life in a way that makes me want to be as connected and happy and optimistic and vibrant as she is at the age of 85.

1:36she inspires me and you guys ask a lot of questions about her secrets every time you see her in fact I posted a photo of my family holding her up like a little doll she's so petite at our daughter's graduation and she had just taken a gummy and was dancing with us at a graduation party I mean she's just an absolute hoot and I'm not the only one who feels that way Her friends feel that way about her. And everywhere we go, people are stunned that she is as old as she is because she doesn't act that way and she doesn't look like it. And so I thought, you know what? Let's get her on the podcast. Let's answer your questions and let's dig into what she believes are the habits, the mindset tricks and the values and priorities in her life that have led to living such an incredible life.

2:29in the last chapter of her life. I mean, how amazing would it be for us all to wake up at the age of 85 and truly authentically feel like the best days are in front of us? Because you know what? With small changes, they can and they should be. And that's what we're going to dig in today. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, meet my friend and my mother-in-law, Judy Jenks-Robbins. Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. So there's a lot to cover, but I just have to have some highlights here. So how old were you when you ran your first marathon with me? 70. How old were you when you jumped out of an airplane for the first time?

3:1181. You're over 31 years older than me, Judy. And the woman rocks a bikini. She has a six pack. She's got just ridiculously cut biceps. She exercises every day. She has more fun than anybody that I know. And she has an enormous group of friends. And I want to know, like, what is it? Where do we even want to start? Like, to me, you are a complete badass. So maybe what we should do is divide this into a bunch of questions. Okay. Hold on. I'm starting to get hot. I got to try on the A's. see i'm having a hot flash that stage thank god i'm past that well let's boil it down to what you do every morning what's a day in the life of judy robbins look like you want to know specifically yeah what time do you wake up i wake up very early because i'm old and you do when you're when you're when you get old, you wake up too early.

4:14I have a sauna in my house. So I go downstairs, I turn my sauna on. Then I make myself water and the orange, you know, 1000, you know, those packets. Oh, you have an emergency? Yeah. I have an emergency in water. Okay. Vitamin C, blast. And I make myself a nice latte. Yeah. I get back in bed. Oh, God. Okay. I can do that now, you know. I don't have kids running around. And then I go through my mail. In bed? Yeah, on my phone. You go through your mail on your phone? Yeah. Oh, you mean your email? Yeah. You are doing the exact opposite of what I tell people to do, by the way. Keep going. And I play one hand a bridge.

5:05On your phone? Yeah, on my phone. It's a practice hand. Okay. I never seem to win, but I play it every morning. Then I go downstairs. I get in the sauna. I have a mantra that I've, actually, it's a fairly new mantra that I've learned from a woman up here, which is mind blowing. Now, hold on a second. When you go in the sauna, are you wearing a towel? Are you completely nude? You're completely nude. Yeah. Okay. Now, do you wax at your age? You just let the hair grow? Do you shave? Do you grow hair at your age down there? You lose hair. You do down there? I have no hair under my arms. Really? And not much between my legs.

5:43Okay. So I don't need to have a Brazilian. Yes. No, you don't. I'll never forget when we had our kids up here visiting you one summer. Kendall was here with a couple of her friends. I think they must have been 11 years old, right? Do you remember the memory I'm talking about? You guys were all at the pond and they were skinny dipping in the middle of the day, in the sun in the pond here in Vermont, and you stripped right down in front of them. And they've stared at you because they saw that your pubic hair was gray. And they were like,

6:22I've always admired that about you, how you are such a free spirit. Well, you know, why not? I mean, what am I, I have nothing to hide. That's true. You know, and I think, don't we all want to be with people that are real? You know, there's so many people that you can spend time with and you just say to yourself, just be honest with me. Right. You know? Yeah. Tell me what you're really thinking, not what you're talking about. Yeah. True. Anyway. So we're back in the sauna. Okay. So I meditate in the sauna for like 15, 20 minutes. And what's your new mantra? Are you allowed to share it? Sure. It's called Sa-Ta-Ma-Na.

7:07And they sing it first. They go, Sa-Ta-Ma-Na, Sa-Ta-Ma-Na. And they do that for probably 25 times and then they whisper it, Sa-Ta-Ma-Na. And then they do it silently in your head. And while you're doing it, you use your hands. What do you do with your hands? Sata ma na. Oh, so you do the fingertips. Sata ma na. And you touch your first finger and the second to your thumb. Now, the woman that teaches it here in Manchester, she's a yoga teacher, but she has taught this all over the world to people with Alzheimer's and dementia. and has actually proven that she can stimulate your brain if you continually do that every single day.

8:04Well, I don't doubt it. I mean, if you listen to some of the brain experts, you're basically talking about what I believe is called, I'm going to forget the name, it's neurobics, where you are combining a intentional thought with a physical movement. Oh, okay. And it's one of the fastest ways to create new neural pathways. It's a whole field of study called neurobics. And that's what you're doing. You're basically pairing intentional thought with a physical movement of touching your, each one of your fingers to your thumb. And I had my group, I have a group called the Vermont Chicks, which are my old, old friends from many, many years.

8:47And we were up here in your gym. Yeah. And we had her over here for a private class. And now every one of my friends is doing it. Wow. Every morning. Wow. And what do you notice when you do it for yourself personally? I don't know. I think I'm convincing myself that I'm remembering more things.

9:09I don't know. It's all in your mind, right? It is true. Or it's not in your mind. Okay. Okay, so then after the sauna, what do you do? Then I come upstairs and I make myself a kombucha, apple cider vinegar, and a fresh squeezed orange juice. Okay, like all together. Yeah, drink that. That's one thing. That's similar to the farmer's switzel, swishel, something switzel, switcher, something like that, that my grandmother used to drink and my mom drinks, which is hot water, apple cider vinegar, a little bit of honey, and some lemon. Well, you have to mix apple cider vinegar with something because it tastes terrible.

9:45Yes. Okay, so now we've got our day done. And no, then I go and walk for five miles. Okay, now this I think is really important. How long have you walked five miles a day? Well, I used to run. I used to be a runner. Yeah. And I think I stopped running, I don't know, when I was like 75. And then I started walking. Okay. When did you start running? A lot of the questions that we get because you were so physically fit and you look so young. I mean, you're going to be 86 and most people peg you in your early 70s. And have you ever had any like facelifts? Every now and then I'll have, you know, a shot here and there, but not very often.

10:32I have been lucky that way. I've never had a facelift, no. Wow. So you walk five miles and you have walked five miles a day since I've known you. And we've known each other almost 30 years. And you get really grouchy if you don't get your walk-in. If I don't exercise, I do get grouchy. But don't you? Well, some days.

11:01Well, when things become a habit and you can't do it, it makes you kind of, you know, upset. Yes. Because it's something that you want to do and it's part of your routine. It's what makes you feel like yourself. Yeah, exactly. So I think this is a really important thing because you have walked or run five miles a day since I've known you. And that is a core habit. And what do you notice about people that you know your age who have continued or who are mobile versus people who are more sedentary? well i think people that are more sedentary at my age yep i think they're depressed i i mean i have a lot of older friends that would not even admit that they're depressed but they they don't go out or they don't you know there's always something wrong you know i would have done so and so today but look at the day it's raining Yep.

12:03As if raining has anything to do with their day. Yeah, it's true. But I have a lot of younger friends. And that's very important as you get older to have a lot of younger friends. I have a lot of friends. That's also very important. I think being social is almost more important than exercise. Why? Why? Because it makes you feel loved. And if you can wake up every day and know that you've got people that love you, you feel good about yourself. We have a lot of people that write into this show who say they have no one.

12:45And if you were to talk directly to somebody who feels like they don't have anyone who loves them in their life, because I'm always surprised by the number of people who write in about this. What would your advice be about how to get started? Without skipping a beat, I would start by taking the hospice training and go and take care of somebody. Because who you take care of is going to give you love and is going to make you feel so good about yourself. Even if you don't have your neighbor or your friend, if they don't love you, the person that you are taking care of will love you. It makes a very big difference.

13:31I've been doing hospice for over 40 years. And, you know, people say, I don't know how you do that. You know, these people are dying. It is the most rewarding thing that you can do. And, you know, your husband does it. Yeah. What do you get out of it? A tremendous feeling of satisfaction that I've contributed to somebody's life. You know, like Judy. Like I went and saw her this morning. and even if I only spend an hour, this is a very good friend, as you know, of mine who has Parkinson's. You know, if I only came in for 15 minutes, she's grateful, you know? You just have to make the time. You can't say that you're too busy.

14:16And so for the people that feel very lonely that don't have anybody that love them, they can create love by taking care of somebody else. That is... Such beautiful advice because we do start to look outside ourselves and look for other people to fill a need. And what you're saying is the truth. Fill it for yourself first. And the way to bring more love into your life is to give it to a perfect stranger and being part of the hospice community. That's an incredible piece of advice. You know, Mel, why don't we pause right now? Okay. And then we can hear from your sponsor. That's a good idea. Your awesome sponsor.

14:56That's right. We'll be right back, everybody. Stay with us.

15:07Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and I am here with my 85-year-old mother-in-law, Judy. And by the way, she's here because you wanted her here. You had so many questions about how an 85-year-old woman could be walking five miles a day and still have biceps. And so she is spilling her secrets for living a long, vibrant and meaningful life. So, Judy, tell me more about your day. Well, I'm active, obviously. I play golf a little bit. In fact, you played 18 holes today. And I walk. I don't take a cart. So did you walk your five miles and then go play? No, I didn't. Okay. Because the walking 18 holes.

15:49Serves it. Yes. Okay. So you play golf. What else do you do during the day? I play bridge. Yeah. Which I think is good for the mind. Yep. I have an organized group that plays at my house. Yeah. I have like 40 women on the list, but I can only take 16. So I arrange them. So you have 16 women that come and play bridge once a week at your house? Yep. Wow. Yeah. Okay. And I do hospice. I go see Judy. And I try and keep in touch with my grandchildren. And it's an interesting concept because I think that older people, and believe me, I've thought about this. Why don't they call me? I'm old. Why don't my kids call me?

16:42Why don't they pick up the phone and say, you know, JJ, how are you? But because I am healthy and I have my own social life, they wait for me to call them. How are you? And in some ways, that's a good feeling. Rather than feeling sorry for myself that my kids don't call me, once they start calling me, I know it's because they're worried about me. And if they're starting to worry about me, then they know something I don't. Right. Well, I think there's a bigger takeaway for everybody, which is that so many people sit around and waste time and build up resentment and stress for themselves by wishing things were different or wishing more people would care.

17:33And you don't sit around and do that. you I have witnessed are someone who is focused on her life and as hard as it may be as a grandparent or as a mother to sit back and go oh well they're busy they have busy lives I'm not the center of their lives they don't have to call me exactly if I want to have a closer connection I have to create it. And so I see you in every area of your life creating what you want and that you don't sit around and get angry about the fact that the grandkids might not call as much as they should or your sons might not call or your daughter-in-laws might not call as much as you wish that they would.

18:22you've created this ability to basically give people the freedom to live their lives to just pour the love out and if it doesn't come back in the way that you want it to come back in terms of the frequency of phone calls you don't get your knickers in a pinch about it i don't ever call you and have you go haven't heard from you in a while i don't and we don't talk all that often right ever really on the phone no we don't i never call you. No, you don't. But I understand that. Yeah. I mean, I get that. You're a busy woman. We text. Yeah. You know, you'll say, come on over and I come. Yeah. You know, everybody has their busy life.

19:07You just have to understand that, you know, it doesn't center around you. Right. That's true. It's important. I noticed you're a big reader. Yes. Do you read every single day? Yes. I listen to a book when I walk. Okay. So I'm always got a book on Audible. And why do you think that matters? Because I don't want to be in my head for all that time without something to listen to. I tried that when we practiced for the marathon, remember? Oh, God. Oh, my God. 16 miles. I was like, no, I have to listen to a book. And it gets me going. Yeah. You know, I want to know what's happening. So as soon as I get out of the house and I start my book, I'm on my way.

19:54Well, what's also nice about that, especially for those of you that feel like you don't have a lot of friends in your life, is that if you're listening to a book while you're out, you actually are with somebody. You're listening to the narrator. You are learning something. You're having input, which is very, very important when you're lonely. And it's active input. It's not you sitting on the couch mainlining a series alone in your house. You're out and about and moving. And it's true. You are always listening to a book. Ever since I've known you, you've had books on tape in the car. Yeah. Now you've got books in your ears as you walk.

20:30I try and read every afternoon for an hour or two if I can. Wow. I want to just kind of hit some topics because I remember I took you to a bar class at this place where we rent a beach house every summer in Rhode Island. And every time we walk into a bar class, you're lifting heavier weights than me. You are super bendy and stretchy and you're sitting there pumping the iron and your biceps are bigger than mine and everybody is floored that you're as old as you are. You and I once did a plank challenge. You held a plank at the age of 82 for two and a half minutes. That's incredible. And so I've got questions from listeners.

21:17And people want to know, have you always worked out or did you start later in life? No, I definitely started later in life, in my 30s. You started exercising in your 30s. I mean, I had children. I didn't have, but that's exercise in itself. Three kids, you know. Yes. But no, I never had a routine. My husband and I started running in our 30s. How do you maintain the motivation to do it every day?

21:47Guilt. What? Yeah. What do you mean? You know how everybody talks about 10 ,000 steps? Yes. I look at my freaking phone to see whether I've done 10 ,000 steps. And if I haven't, I feel guilty. Why do you, well, this is what psychologists call good guilt. Good guilt motivates you. Yes. Why do you think 10 ,000 is the magic number? I don't know. They write about that. And I believe all that stuff I write. And what's your favorite? I believe that's true. You read the New York Times. I do. Yes. What's your favorite way to stay active? Well, getting up, like you say, right away and moving, just moving.

22:27I have stairs. I have three floors. And a lot of my older friends say, well, you know, why would you get a condo with three floors? Well, it's the best thing you can do. I will always walk the stairs, always. My laundry is down the lower level and my bedroom's up above. What do you think is the biggest challenge to staying active as you age?

22:54Just making it a routine. I would think that's a challenge not to say, okay, well, I think I'll take a week off. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't either. You take a week off, then you can take 10 days off. so I don't take days off. What is your secret to staying young at heart and young in your mind? Staying connected. Staying connected to your friends, old friends.

23:34I've always had a man in my life. I've been very lucky about that. What does that mean? I've always had a man in my life. Because how long were you married? 45 years. He died of cancer. How old were you? 68. Okay. And about a year and a half later, I met a man. And I thought I'd fallen in love. And my children thought it was way too early for me to have a man in my life. I didn't feel that way. Well, you're not one of my boys. I don't think Chris felt that way either. Well, the other two did. But I don't think they remembered that Ken was sick for two years. That's true. So I was alone for two years as far as having someone loving me.

24:24Yeah. So I was with Bill for a while, and we had our differences. And after two years, we went our separate ways. and soon after that I met another guy who is local and you know Hans and I were together for 10 years. 10 years? Yeah can you believe that? No. Yeah we were. Wow. But he's the nicest sweetest man as you know but he just doesn't have the energy that I have. Yeah. And I was constantly you know, arranging all our social life and all our trips. We did a lot of traveling, but it was, I was the one that was doing it. And so I eventually got him to move back into his own house and then down the line into a retirement community, which he's very happy and I still see him and we're very good friends.

25:24Yes. I love him. Very good friends. We love Hans. And then I met another guy who's in town and actually it was me who met John. Yeah. I mean, I knew John, but I saw him at, I saw him at this artist thing. You were there. Oh, this is when I first moved here and I was having constant anxiety and hating my life and thinking I've, I have, I'm now going to a place where people live when they're about to die. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't realize that's where you met him. Yeah. Okay. Well, I didn't meet him. I already knew him. Okay. But something else was happening later in the week. I don't know, some concert or something.

26:06And so I just went up to John and I said, would you like to go? And he said, yeah. But he also had a girlfriend in Canada. So that went on for a while. And then he gave her up. And he picked you up. Yeah. And so we're together and he makes me very happy and he has a lot of energy. And he organizes everything. Amazing. Like going to a dude ranch. We just got back from a dude ranch, as you know. Yes. So 85 years old, the two of you go off on your first trip together and you go to a dude ranch in Montana, where I understand you are learning how to herd cattle on horseback. Yeah, we did. We did a cattle drive.

26:51It was awesome. And you're not like a horse person. Well, how long had it been since you had truly been on a horse? I don't know. 40 years. All right. So staying connected. But this goes, but you went for long periods of time, not in relationships, though. No, I actually, I probably started seeing Hans about a month after I broke up with Bill. Jesus, Judy. Wow. So you see, I haven't been alone. Okay.

27:23Oh, you're funny. Yeah, no, I'm fortunate. I'm very fortunate that way. Yeah. Well, you create what you want. Yeah. And you put yourself out there. And I also notice that connection to friends is very important. Extremely important. Hey, Jude, we need to take a quick break and hear a word from our sponsors. But when we come back, I want you to share with us how you've stayed connected to your friends over the years, even though you guys all live in different parts of the world. I want you to spill those secrets, Judy, when we come back.