Oprah Winfrey: How to Find Your Unique Purpose, Authentic Power, and Calling In Life

26:01because we all have a design for our lives. One of the things that impressed me so much to be able to find peace within my own family because I grew up, as I said, not feeling loved, but once I became Oprah Winfrey, everybody loved me. Everybody. I was driving in Chicago and my mother was in the car And she goes, we didn't have much, but we sure had love. I almost wrecked the car. Like, what are you talking about? Who are you talking to? I said, what did you just say? She goes, well, we didn't have much, but we sure had love. When? So I know that I never felt it. I know that I was never shown it.

26:54I don't remember one moment ever. when my mother ever complimented me or said, I'm proud of you. I do remember being young and reading in the house, and it was summer and it was hot, and I was sitting in a corner reading, and my mother goes, what you doing in here, sitting up in here reading in the house? You need to get out there with all these mother kids. You think you better than everybody else just sitting up in this house reading. So I remember being punished for wanting to read. I don't ever remember. But I made peace with my mother. I made peace. Long before she died, I made peace.

27:30Mel Robbins:Well, this is one of the pivotal things that I learned from you. And it was the life class that you did with T.D. Jakes. And I would love for you to share what he taught you, because it forever changed my ability to see people in my life very differently. Could you explain? Because that was— Oh, that was a fantastic life class that I did with him. And it actually struck me, too, because I remember crying, like tears just shot out, flowing, when he said that, because it was so affirming for me. He said that, you're a 10-gallon person. I'm a 10-gallon person. A lot of you are 10-gallon people trying to get 10 gallons worth of love from pint-sized people who cannot carry the 10 gallons.

28:29They can't even carry the gallon. You're looking for 10-gallon love, 10-gallon responses, 10-gallon reception, 10-gallon acceptance from people who have a pint-sized ability. So what I learned from that is that expecting people to offer you or give you the love, the attention that you need, who do not have the capacity to do it, they don't have it. And you have to recognize they don't have it. So what do they have? Can I accept you exactly where you are with what you do have? And so my mother could cook. She made some incredible collard greens and could make cornbread like nobody else. And that was the way she offered love.

29:28And her idea, just like I know a lot of you have grown up with parents, especially if you're my generation or below my generation, you have parents who thought, because I provided for you, that was love. you had food on the table, you had shelter, you weren't on the streets. That was all I had. That was all I had. And I realize now my mother was a maid her entire life until I retired her. My grandmother was a maid, a domestic worker. And taking care of other people's kids, you're giving all of your energy to taking care of other people's kids, putting on the face for them, wearing the mask for them.

30:11And by the time you came home, you had nothing left for me. I recognize that now. And I forgive that. And you know my favorite definition?

30:22Mel Robbins:Oh, well, I'm going to let you say it because this changed my life too. Your definition of forgiveness. Yes. Is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. If you are still wishing, hoping, wanting what happened to you to be something different than what it was, that will leave you so stuck. So you forgive for yourself. You forgive to say, I am going to release this thing that happened to me and, first of all, get to the stage that requires all of us to move forward, and that is acceptance. You know, Elizabeth Kugler-Ross in her famous, you know, five stages of grief, you know, you go through denial and you go through anger about it and you go through telling yourself it could be different.

31:21And then you get to acceptance. When you get to acceptance, when you've lost someone or any other job or relationship, when you get to acceptance, acceptance leads you to freedom. And until you get there, you're still just living in the past. You're hoping that it could be different. That is the best definition I have ever known.

31:42Mel Robbins:Now, at the beginning of our conversation, Oprah, you talked about how each one of us has this internal GPS and this guiding light inside us. Now, I have to take a quick break so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors, but don't go anywhere. Because when we return, Oprah's gonna talk all about the power of intention, how it changed her life, and how it will fundamentally change yours. Stay with us.

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32:56Mel Robbins:Then I remembered, wait, DoorDash is there for us. Couldn't be easier. You just pull up the DoorDash app on your phone, even when you're sick, order your cold medicine, your tissues, even soup from your favorite restaurant straight to the house. When life gets crazy, DoorDash helps bring some order to it. Order now. Here's something you might find encouraging. The best version of your life isn't always down the road. Sometimes it's right here in front of you. That's why Buick is here to help you show up at your best, live with intention, and remember that now is exceptional. Whether you're showing up in style with the Buick Invista, with its head-turning design and quiet-tuning technology with active noise cancellation, or you're embarking on a night out in the three-row Buick Enclave, where a tech-forward, spacious interior keeps you connected to your drive and your crew.

33:51Mel Robbins:Every Buick SUV is designed to reward the road you're on and the moment you're in. So keep pushing yourself forward. But remember to enjoy the ride today. Visit Buick.com to discover premium design that amplifies every day. That's Buick.com. Buick, exceptional by design. Have you noticed that these days there's a holiday for everything? So Ollie went ahead and declared August National Dog Poop Month. Have you ever gone through a phase where you analyze your dog's poops? You know, that one looks healthy. Ooh, that one, not so much. If anyone gets being this invested in the quality of their dog's poop, it's Ollie.

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35:52within each of us is this internal GPS. Within you, mine is no different than yours. The difference is I'm obedient to mine. Everybody has it. I just listened and obedient to mine. But every single person that comes to the planet comes to the planet with the ability to have that light with inside themselves and to be guided by that light.

36:27Mel Robbins:That's Oprah Winfrey. I am dying. She is here right now in our Boston studios. And we're going to talk all about the power of intention. Now, Oprah, you talked about how you had a job in the beginning hosting your show. Yeah. But then you had this awakening. When you realized through the power of intention, You could use it as a platform, as a force for good. Yeah. You know, in the beginning, I was just doing a job, just like so many people that are listening to us and watching us right now. I was just working at a job. But that decision to change my job and my work into a force for good, to actually use it as not just a show, to recognize it's not just a show, but you have a platform here and you can use this to help other people see themselves.

37:22But, you know, I had got caught up into the whole, you know, confrontational television. And my producers were so proud of themselves because they had gotten a guy to come on with his mistress and his wife, which unheard of that you can get the three of them together on national television. So they were on the show. And I had no idea. I mean, I'd read the background and he was having an affair and she was, he, this was not in our, you know, in our preview. And so he says to her on the air, to his wife, he turns to his wife and he says, well, what you don't know is that she's pregnant. and I'm telling you the audience gasped I gasped and I looked at her face and I said never again will that happen to me never again I was so angry with myself and angry upset with the producers who were so proud of themselves and they go we didn't know he was going to say that we didn't know he was going to say because her humiliation still abides with me, but was a great teacher for me because I thought the worst thing you can ever do, if y 'all are listening, if you're listening right now, the worst thing you can ever do to anybody is to cause them to be humiliated.

38:56That's why if you've got to criticize somebody, if you have something to say to somebody that's going to be hurtful or is going to put them in a position where they feel devastated, you never, ever, ever do that in front of other people. Because then they have the humiliation and then the shame of it. So I said to myself, I cannot live with myself doing that to somebody. And I apologized to her afterwards and him afterwards. We're on live television, though. We're on live television. I know she never got over it because I have still to this day never gotten over it. And I said to my producers, never again will that happen.

39:39We're not doing that anymore. Because around this time, in the late 1980s, I was reading Gary Zukav's book, Seat of the Soul. And in that book, one of the best books of my life, actually. and he has two chapters on intention and he talks about intention being one with cause and effect and you all know that cause and effect is the first is the law of karma it is what you put out is coming back and when I got that I got it it changed everything for me because I used to be such a huge people pleaser. I didn't know how to say no. And what I learned from the principle of intention is that if you're saying yes, because you want to please the person, that is what they feel.

40:34They feel your pleasure. They feel your acquiescence. They feel your desire to make them feel okay. They don't know that behind it, you are resentful. You don't know, they don't recognize it behind it, you really didn't want to do it because you said you wanted to, you said yes. So as soon as I got clear on, oh, the reason why people keep coming back is because they are feeling my intention of wanting to please them and not wanting to hurt their feelings. So I don't hurt their feelings. Not only do I not hurt their feelings, I make them feel pretty good. That's why when you loan money or you give something or you're the person who's carpooling and they always ask you to be the carpooler, it's because they know when they come to you, you're going to say yes.

41:20And so when I learned to say no, when I learned to say no, that for myself, I then carried that principle of intention. I sat down with all the producers and said, we're no longer going to do a show unless we come from the point of view of intention. So when you present me the ideas, I want the intention for the idea alongside the idea. And so every show then after 1989 became designed around the intention of how are we going to let people be enlightened, uplift them, see something today, hear something today that's an aha moment for them, that changes the direction for them.

42:01Mel Robbins:And so, yes, you as you're listening or watching right now, you have a platform right in front of your face. It's your family. It's your community. And through the power of your intention, you can start to be a force for good exactly where you are and i would say let me just say to you if you're just at a job right now shift the paradigm in your mind about the why you're doing that job even if you say well i'm just doing this job uh to make money for my family because i've got to make ends meet then let every single step you take in that job, every single move you make in that job, even though that job may be boring and even though that job may be irritating to you, let it be for the love of your family.

42:52Never, ever, ever lose sight every day you're walking out of the door. This I do for the love of my family. This I do to show that I am a provider and one who can offer to my family a sense of safety, a sense of comfort. Just that little shift makes a difference in the way the work day moves. And whatever the job or the work is, to be able to shift it to how do I use this thing that I'm doing that is born the hell out of me or that is irritating to me and I've got a boss, how do I use this in service to something greater than myself? How do I use this to serve? and you know I've had these conversations with people who have supposedly you know you know dull jobs and whatever and I sat down with a guy one day and by the end of the our little conversation he was crying I was saying so why do you do this work and what are you doing it for and what does he goes well I'm just just you know I got to pay the bills and so you're paying the bills for what I'm paying the bills so my family can eat and you're paying the bill so your family can eat and who is your family and tell me about your daughter yeah so when you change the paradigm of what you're doing and shift why you're doing it to an intention behind doing it, it lightens it.

44:16It lightens it.

44:17Mel Robbins:Because if we go back to some of your teaching, the energy you put out is the energy you get back. So if you are bargaining with life and not able to accept it, the energy is resistance. Absolutely. And if you're in the energy of resistance, you're going to be stuck in resistance. And so I often ask myself, if something's not going the way I want. What is it I'm resisting? Oh, okay. So if you're in a, like, can you, give me an example. Something's not going the way you want and you're starting to feel bothered by it or upset or stuck. Yeah. You ask yourself, what am I resisting? What am I resisting?

44:49For every, every person who is listening to us right now, you are listening to us right now. You know whether or not your life is in flow or not. It can't flow unless you're in flow. And so if you're out of order, your house is out of order, your closets, your car. I was just sharing with someone the other day that I used to drive this little Chevy Chevette, and I would do my hair on the way to work, and I'd take the rollers out, and I'd throw the rollers in the back and change at the stop signs. And then at one point, if you do that every day, after a while, you look in your car, and your car is like a wreck.

45:27And I was like coming to my car one day, and I looked in the car, and I was like, whoa. My life is like that right now. This car represents my life right now. And so I started taking them out one roller at a time, one roller at a time, find 25 cents under the car seat, all that stuff. But I have learned that getting out of flow with myself, getting off center, not listening to this inner GPS is what causes disruption in all the areas of my life.

45:59Mel Robbins:I've heard you say that one of the most important questions that you can ask yourself is, what do I really want? Want, yeah. Why is that such a hard question for so many people to answer? Because most people that I have encountered, you know, in my life experience of talking to thousands and thousands of people, and I used to sit after the show, you know, with everybody and literally talk to the audiences about where you're from and what you want and what you wanted to. And I'd ask that question, tell me what do you want? And women would stand up and say, well, I just want to be happy, Oprah. I just want to be happy.

46:36And I'd say, well, what would make you happy? They'd say, well, my children. And what's going to make you happy when your children are no longer in the home? What makes you happy other than your children being happy? What makes you happy? Most people could not identify that. And what does that happiness look like for you? So are you going to live your dream? Or are you going to live the dream that the world has decided, that Instagram has decided, that X has decided, that threads have decided that you should live. What is the dream you hold in your heart? And the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this is because you and your audience understand that there's more.

47:24And I started to listen to my audience back in the, when did this happen? Late 80s, early 90s. And women started to actually say out loud to me, mail. You know, I've done everything. When I say, what do you want? They say, I've done everything. I've got the college degree. I'm married. I have the house. I have all the things. I have the Le Couset pots. I have the whole, I have the things. But it just feels like there's got to be more than this. There's something more. There's something more. And I said to my producers, people keep saying the same thing that they realize that there's more and I believe we know what it is and we got to show them what it is.

48:09What they're missing is the connection to the spiritual core within themselves. Not a religion, which I got accused of

48:18Mel Robbins:trying to create our own church. No, they're missing the essence within themselves. are missing being centered in that GPS guidance for themselves. So how do we give them that? And we started, Mel, doing these little clips called Remembering Your Spirit. And I remember doing a show where Carolyn Mays was on with her book, Anatomy of Spirit, and the audience was watching. But I could see they had gone somewhere else. And I stopped the show and I said, hey, are you all not tracking? And they said, well, what is she talking about, spirit? This was in 92. In 1992. In 1992, people didn't know, weren't familiar.

49:03They said, are you talking about Jesus? Are you talking about Moses? What are you talking about? I said, no, I'm talking about you have a mind, right? You have a body. You have a soul or you have a spirit. That's what she's talking about, the soul of yourself. there's something deeper than just your mind that you feel in the most quiet still moments of your being with yourself and that's the something more that you're talking about that you're looking for and if you stay connected to that thing you will never be guided wrong now I can talk the talk and most days I live it but oh my god when it came time to end the show

49:46I made one of the biggest mistakes actually of my life and that is I didn't listen to that GPS and I struggle I mean 2012 was one of the worst like the worst years of my life every single story headline about me was Oprah and the struggling own network Oprah and the struggling own network. And it was hurtful and painful to me because it was the truth. I was struggling, I was hurting, and I was so angry with myself.

50:19Mel Robbins:What did you not listen to? I did not listen to. The voice inside myself was so strong telling me not to do it that I would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't breathe. And I'd say, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it don't do it don't do it then i'd say but i already signed already signed already said i was going to do it you dummy

50:49you're human yeah how dare you i know i know oh but i already said i was going to do it and now i gotta be my word i gotta keep my word but here's what's interesting let's i let's pull

51:00Mel Robbins:this apart because i want to learn from you because i don't want to wake up yeah five years from now. When you say, I have to keep my word. Yeah. We must, from this point forward, Oprah, add to who or whom? To whom? To whom? Yeah. Am I keeping my word to the outside life? Yeah. Or am I keeping my word to the inside? And what I ultimately understand now that that decision was because I was keeping my word, not because I wanted to keep my word. This is the real truth. I've never said this before. I was keeping my word because I was trying to please the people on the other side. I was trying to please.

51:43I was thinking, what are they going to think of me for changing my mind? And this is what I want you all to learn from the lesson I knew but didn't pay attention to. You always have the right to change your mind. if the people are in the church sitting in the pews and you're getting ready to walk down the aisle and you know inside yourself, I should not be marrying this person. You always have the right. If, you know, I talked to someone a long time ago, why are you getting married? You don't even know how you're getting married. But the invitations have gone out. you always have the right to change your mind.

52:34And so I didn't take my own lesson from that. And I struggled. I struggled. I struggled.

52:39Mel Robbins:You know, that's the thing about the irrefutable laws of the universe. You don't just learn them once. You don't learn them once. You have to learn them over and over. But why did I have to learn that again? I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. And that's why I was so angry with myself. Why do you think it was happening for you? Yeah, it was happening for me. So if you zoom out and say, I needed that because of why? What was the lesson in that? The lesson in it was that you didn't take it the first time because I'd already made that mistake. And this is what I also know, that if you don't get the lesson, it comes around wearing a different pair of pants.

53:18What does it feel like in your body when you're out of alignment? Oh, I was sick. I was like behind a wall. I wasn't clinically depressed, but I became numb. And numb to receiving, numb to giving, numb to just trying to fix it. How do we fix it? How do we fix it? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

53:46And if you've ever made a mistake and you knew before making the mistake,

53:52Mel Robbins:it was a mistake, there's nothing worse than being mad at yourself. Is it where you say, I knew that. I knew that. I knew, knew, knew, knew, knew, knew that. I knew that and I still did it. But I also understand that it was not being guided. I mean, you can't do better than, the universe can't do any better for you than you waking up in the middle of the night and you can't breathe. Okay. Did you hear that? If you're waking up in the middle of the night, and you can't breathe, if you're pulling into a job that you hate going into, if you see the text message from the person and you go, ugh, yeah, that is a huge sledgehammer from the universe that we ignore and ignore and ignore and ignore.

54:34Mel Robbins:But I really hope now that you've heard Oprah tell you that story, you're not going to ignore it anymore. Well, here's something I can't ignore. Our extraordinary sponsors. I got to take a quick break so they can share a few words with you, but do not go anywhere because Oprah and I are going to be waiting for you. And she's going to share a couple things that I know you will love learning. Number one, she's going to dig into purpose. And number two, she's going to put you right at the scene of one of the biggest mistakes she's ever made. And right after the break, I'm going to ask for her advice on how you make decisions when you're afraid.

55:11Mel Robbins:You don't want to miss this. So stay with us.

55:19Mel Robbins:Oh, anyone who's a parent knows there is never enough time in the day. And even when your kids are in their 20s like ours are, they still find ways to need you. DoorDash may not solve all the chaos of parent life, but it can help you get a little bit of your time back. That's because DoorDash shows up when you need help most. You can get essentials delivered quickly, like medicine, diapers, groceries, even school supplies. And if you've had one of those weeks that's been a lot, you can order yourself a little self-care too. Face mask, bath salts, a candle, whatever helps you unwind. I remember when Chris Oakley and I were knocked out sick, zero chance any of us could make it to the store.

56:03Mel Robbins:Then I remembered, wait, DoorDash is there for us. Couldn't be easier. You just pull up the DoorDash app on your phone, even when you're sick, order your cold medicine, your tissues, even soup from your favorite restaurant straight to the house. When life gets crazy, DoorDash helps bring some order to it. Order now. What's your favorite kind of vacation? Do you like to do physical stuff and see a bunch of sites or do you just, oh my God, just let me lounge by a pool and don't talk to me? Scottsdale, Arizona will let you do it all. And fall is one of the most beautiful times to visit Scottsdale, with warm days, cool desert evenings, and endless sunshine.

56:44Mel Robbins:Here are just some of the things you can do in Scottsdale. Visit legendary old town Scottsdale with over 100 restaurants, dozens of art galleries, and boutique shopping. Stay at award-winning luxury resorts designed for relaxation. Spend a day at one of Scottsdale's world-class spas. Eat at an award-winning restaurant with unmatched sunsets. play championship golf courses surrounded by stunning Sonoran desert landscapes, and top it all off with beautiful desert scenery that instantly helps you disconnect. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else. Scottsdale is where you can finally take care of yourself.

57:21Mel Robbins:Visit unwindinscottsdale.com to plan your trip this fall. Here's something you might find encouraging. The best version of your life isn't always down the road. Sometimes it's right here in front of you. That's why Buick is here to help you show up at your best, live with intention, and remember that now is exceptional. Whether you're showing up in style with the Buick and Vista, with its head-turning design and quiet-tuning technology with active noise cancellation, or you're embarking on a night out in the three-row Buick Enclave, where a tech-forward, spacious interior keeps you connected to your drive and your crew.

58:01Mel Robbins:Every Buick SUV is designed to reward the road you're on and the moment you're in. So keep pushing yourself forward, but remember to enjoy the ride today. Visit Buick.com to discover premium design that amplifies every day. That's Buick.com. Buick, exceptional by design.

58:25You always have the right to change your mind.

58:34Mel Robbins:That's Oprah Winfrey. She is here with you and me live in our Boston studios. I have goosebumps just looking across this table and seeing Oprah Winfrey. And we're going to jump right into the topic of fear and how to make decisions. I want to read to you this passage in your blockbuster bestsellers. This is the 10th anniversary edition, what I know for sure. What I love about this book is that it's all essays from O Magazine that you wrote. And as I read each one, I can remember reading it. Oh, really? Because you read every magazine. Oh, did I ever? I was a student. I was As a student, I love this.

59:15Mel Robbins:This is on page 39. Whenever I'm faced with a difficult decision, I ask myself, what would I do if I weren't afraid of making a mistake, feeling rejected, looking foolish, or being alone? I know for sure that when you remove the fear, the answer you've been searching for comes into focus. And as you walk into what you fear, you should know for sure that your deepest struggle can, and if you're willing and open, produce your greatest strength. For the person who's listening right now, and like in those moments when you're afraid and you start to question everything, how do you find the truth when the fear is so loud?

1:00:01Because the truth can feel quiet or scary. This reminds me of moving from Baltimore to Chicago and everybody around me telling me that the move to Chicago was going to destroy me and that I was living in Baltimore and you're doing well and you're an anchor woman and you should just keep this job. And my father, my own father was like, well, you're not going to ever find a job like this again. And it was safe. but this is this is the most important thing

1:00:44understanding that the source whatever you call it from which you've come has put you here for a greater reason than whatever the small thing in front of you is Whatever you're looking at is only a piece of the picture of your whole life. So one of the reasons why I've been able to maintain the center of myself is because even in that moment of struggle with own in the beginning of building that network, I was sad. I was numbed. I was depressed. I was angry with myself. But I knew trouble don't last always. I knew that that too would eventually pass. I didn't know how. Because I live in the center of knowing that there's a bigger reason why I'm here.

1:01:39And I have always understood that. I've always understood that I am a child of the universe. I am God's child. I am born to Vernon and Vernita Lee. but my coming here is such a freaking miracle. My parents were only together one time. One time. They never, it was literally a one afternoon delight stand. It wasn't even a one night stand. One time. And I, born colored. We weren't even black then. Colored. In Mississippi, were the dream for a colored girl. The dream for a colored girl did not exist. So this miracle that has become my life, I know, exists for everybody who is willing to tap into the source of themselves.

1:02:47And that's what has eliminated my ultimate fears. I mean, I've been anxious about things, but I know that ultimately I belong to something bigger than myself and that my reason for being here is bigger than a job or bigger than what I could even know. And so my message and my offering to your audience is to ask the life force to use you for its highest good. Not you just tell it what you want. To use you for its highest good. I will share this story. there was a producer of mine in Baltimore who was the richest person I'd ever seen or known. Her name was Arlene Wiener. Her husband's a famous attorney there.

1:03:44And I went to her house when I was 28, 29 years old. And she had us all over.

1:03:51Mel Robbins:And I was like, wow, Arlene is rich. And I went into her home. And there he's looking out the window, all these trees in the front yard, just like I counted six trees out of her window. I thought, wow, if I ever get some money, I'm going to have me some trees. I don't care about the cars, but I'm going to have me some trees. And one morning I was sitting in the kitchen waiting on the water to boil, making tea. and I looked out the window and there were the six trees. I went, whoa, there were those trees that I'd seen in Arlene's yard. And I walked out around to the porch and I counted the trees, but I couldn't even count all of the trees.

1:04:49I could see the six from the window, but I couldn't see the hundreds beyond the six through the window. So I literally, you've been to my home.

1:04:59Mel Robbins:I live in a forest. I had a dream for six trees. My dream was six trees. The life force that I call God had a bigger dream for me. And that is my message. Whatever dream you're dreaming, surrender that dream to the force that brought you here, regardless of what name you give that force. Because what I know is the force by all the names that we call God ain't jealous about the name. You know, ain't going to be jealous about the name. It's not going to say, oh, you didn't call me Allah. You didn't call me Jehovah. You didn't call me God. Okay, whatever you call that, whatever that is, the life force that brought you here, lean into that dream for you.

1:05:54Because there is a dream for your life, for your life, for my life.

1:06:00Mel Robbins:Don't live in your little small six-tree dream. Don't live it. Live in the forest of dreams for yourself. Lean into that. And I think the reason why people are so stuck, because they can't see their connection to the thing that's greater than themselves. Your life isn't this small. It belongs to the world. It belongs to the world. The reason why we're all here is to give to the world. To give to myself, to feed myself, to take the lessons that I have learned, to go forward, to understand what happened to me, happened to me so that I can use it. I was raped so that I could help other women who were raped.

1:06:40I was not seen so that I could see other people. All the things that I didn't get, I now can give to other people. As can you. As can you, as you are doing. That's what it's for when you say it's all happening for a reason. And, oh, my goodness, it's happening so that it feeds and fuels you in a way that you have more to give. That's the lesson that we're missing. And we're missing it because we're so narrowly tracked. We're, like, in our phones and you think your life is this big. You think your life is this big. But it belongs to the world. Belongs to the world.

1:07:22Mel Robbins:Yeah, and I want you to really pay attention because I remember moments in my life where my life felt so small. The job I hated, the relationship I didn't have the courage to get out of, the debt that I was in, the anxiety I was feeling. I've been there too. I've been there. And here's the thing that is hard to believe, but I'm going to say it anyway. Yeah. If you can get yourself out of bed and if you can get yourself out the door, you can do a little experiment where you can prove to yourself that you are powerful beyond measure. In fact, I just did it this morning. It was 5.55 and I had come out of the hotel and I was walking across a crosswalk.

1:08:03Mel Robbins:and there was a woman that was walking that had her shoulders down and was looking at the ground and was like frowny face and walking and you know it's 555 and as I walked up to her I smiled and just said good morning and she perked right up and said well good morning and we just smiled and had this positive energy exchange and that tiny little thing that you mist that's right in front of your face is this enormous power that you have through your energy and your attitude to flip a switch inside somebody else. I know. And when you do that, you are being of service. And the energy that you're putting out, despite how horrible things may be that are going on in your life right now, it shows you.

1:08:56Mel Robbins:And it shifts. Yes. Yeah. It doesn't pay the bills. It doesn't pay the bills. But it shifts something in you to know that you still have the power to positively impact somebody else. And I think that's how it begins. At least that's how it began for me. Yeah. Is to notice, and you already said it, every person, yes, you're listening. You have a platform. Your platform is your family, your roommate, the people that you work with. It's the person that you meet or you pass and don't smile to. Yeah. And recognizing the power that you have to impact people positively is how you start to center yourself in a deeper source.

1:09:37That is number one, certainly recognizing that. And the other really crucial thing is the religion that I practice, which is gratitude. I will tell you beyond a shadow of any doubt that I have for any human being who's listening to us right now, that if you start a sincere, consistent practice of gratitude, your life will shift. because it is energetically, vibrationally, it causes your energy to change and the vibration to change and also what you then begin to attract into your life to change. It's the single greatest thing anybody can do from where you are, no matter how down you are, how stuck you are, is you start looking at what you have instead of what you haven't.

1:10:28And you just practice it. You just do five things. If you can't do five, do three. And if you can't get to three, look at your breath. Breathe, breathe, breathe. You're still breathing. And I'm thinking for myself, when I'm in flow is when I'm in my period of gratitude. I am most in flow and my life most works most perfectly when I am in the gratitude state. This is the thing I know people listening to this think, well, okay, easy to do because you're Oprah. I got to be Oprah by doing that. That's how I got to be where I am by doing that. I, you know, I have had a practice of honoring that source that's greater than myself since I was a little girl.

1:11:20I mean, I grew up speaking in the church and having people say to my grandmother, Hattie Mae, this here is a talking child. You got yourself a talking child here. And so talking and using my voice and being able to express to other people, and I realize now, so people talk about what is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? How do you find your purpose? no matter who you are listening, if you were to pass away today, the people who eulogize you

1:11:52Mel Robbins:would connect the docks of your life and at your funeral or memorial service would talk about what you offered, what you brought to them. And wherever you are in the journey, you are already creating a thread of purpose that flows through everything that you've done. And mine is inspiration and has been since I was four years old speaking in the Kosciuszko Church, standing on a stage reciting and people saying, my, my, my, my, my, this little child can talk. and then being an orator and winning all of the oratory contests when I was in school. That thread of speaking is what prepared me for the first audition when I sat down to do the radio show.

1:12:48And then being recognized and brought into television, that thread has led me to sitting the Mel Robbins podcast. Okay? That thread has brought me here today. And everyone listening to us has a thread. What's your thread? What is carried through? What is the thing or theme that has been through the course of your life? Mine is inspiration. What's yours?

1:13:13Mel Robbins:Encouragement. There you go. Yeah. Encouragement. Encouragement. Yes. That's exactly what you do. Yeah. Because I think it's easy to have the information or to get it. Yeah. But if you believe and convince yourself it won't work for you, you won't do the things that change your life. That's the difference. That's what you do. And so I weave encouragement through everything because I know it's what I've always needed. Yeah. Because when you don't believe in yourself, being able to borrow somebody else's belief in your ability can really help. And that's what encouragement does. That's what you do.

1:13:50Mel Robbins:Yeah. Girl, you're on it. You know, as you were talking about purpose, it reminded me of one of my favorite ways to think about purpose, which is that purpose is not the thing that you do. Purpose is the thing that happens in others when you do the thing you do. Ooh, I like that one. I need to write that down. Purpose is not the thing that you do. Purpose is not the thing that you do. Yeah. purpose is the thing that happens in others when you do the thing that you do i love that miss mel because it really weaves together what you were saying about how purpose doesn't have to be this big thing that you put on instagram it's actually something very quiet that you practice every day yeah and it also ties in what maya said to you about it's it's how you make people feel.

1:14:45Mel Robbins:Yeah. And as you start doing the small thing, the small thing leads. I think the problem, one of the, I actually do think it's a problem with the way social media works is that I think a lot of people are just constantly bombarded with the lives of other people and trying to keep up with that. And so you think your life is supposed to look like that. And it's just coming from every direction. Every direction is telling you. And you haven't gotten still enough with yourself. The answers are not out there. They just are not out there. You know, the voice of God, silence is the language of God. Silence is the language of God.

1:15:38and you can't hear it unless you are still enough, quiet enough within yourself. The moment you're asking out there and asking everybody and what should I do and what should I do and what should I do, that's the moment that you get still. And even if still is just sitting on the toilet seat with the door closed, with the door closed.

1:16:01Mel Robbins:Well, for some of us, that's the only place that we can escape everybody. Just to be still, to be able to feel what that thing is. It's trying to get through. There's nobody born that doesn't have it. You know, I have a very good friend who was giving advice to one of my daughters, funny enough. And he was saying to her, listen, you got a lot of gifts to give. Don't you dare show up in heaven with your pockets full. That song you didn't sing or that book you didn't write or that smile you didn't share. Is there anything left that you're still wanting to share or teach?

1:16:43I was standing in the sphere in Las Vegas after the Bono concert, and I'd gone with friends, and we'd had the Bono. And when it was all over, I walked to the edge of where we'd been seating, and they were all behind me, and everybody was all to the side, and they were all cheering each other because it was the first performance of you two, Bono, at the Sphere. But I was standing alone on the side, and I had that feeling. The same one I felt when I was five years old on the back porch. And it was as clear to me, it said, wow, what just happened here? you could take people to the edge of the universe you could use this stage this screen this window into the universe to allow people to connect to themselves in a way that they have never experienced before you could connect them to the universe and to themselves and to each other That is what that feeling said to me.

1:17:59It was a voice and it was a feeling. And it was exactly the same as when I was five years old. It said, huh, this is an incredible arena, an incredible venue. I didn't even know what I had just seen. But it's not being used to its maximum potential. You could use it to its maximum potential. How do you do that and share the experience of what it means to be fully alive with people? How do you connect people to the light within themselves using the tools of this space? That's what the voice said to me. This is 2023. Wow. 2023. So almost three years ago. It's almost three years ago. And in the beginning, everybody thought, was thinking of it as a show.

1:18:51And I was like, it's not a show. It's an experience. It's to be felt, not just seen. How do we bring the team together that can create feelings for people? And so now, three years later, this dream is being scored by one of the greatest musical composers on earth, Max Richter. So it's an immersive musical light experience of people coming together to ignite the light within ourselves.

1:19:26Mel Robbins:You know what I think is so amazing about this? And I want you to really consider everything that Oprah has poured into you and shared with you today. I think it's easy when you're standing in a moment and you look backwards to see how all the dots connect. And it requires deep faith to stand in the present moment and believe that where you are is leading you somewhere. And it is much larger and grander than anything you could possibly imagine for yourself if you keep walking in that faith, if you keep telling the truth, if you keep staying centered and grounded in your intention. and you follow these fundamental laws that you have taught us, the energy you put out is the energy you get back.

1:20:16Mel Robbins:I think it's really cool that even for somebody like you who has achieved things that are beyond our wildest imaginations, that here you are doing something that even five years ago was not even on your radar. Wasn't on my radar. Was not something you would have possibly imagined was a thing. And so it proves yet again how when you're clear about the way you're showing up and serving the world and you're clear about the reason why you're here, which is inspiration, that life does rise up. Yeah. And my prayer has always been, use me, show me how, show me, show me, show me, show me. What is the next?

1:21:02Is there a next? Oh, You just want me to rest? I'll do that too.

1:21:08By actually being in conversation with the life force within me has led me to the highest grounds possible for myself. And I've been asking that. How can I be used? I mean, I am 72 and very much aware of the urgency of time. Very much aware that I have one solid good decade left. Very much aware. So I'm looking at my life as though I have one solid decade left to give and offer the message that I came to give. and to do it with clarity and do it with love and do it without ego and to do it as an offering to say, this is why I came. I think we should all steal what you said when you said, I believe I have a decade to do what I came to do.

1:22:12Mel Robbins:And I don't care how young or old you are. Imagine if you started living as if you had a decade to do what you came here to do and how that focus shifts your intention. You know, the big dream for me right now is the sphere, but I also realize in every day, in my everyday life, that every encounter, that people are seeing me and that I feel like it is my responsibility to actually also see them as well. It's beautiful. Yeah. I want to read to you page 79, what I know for sure. Okay, what did I know then? When you make loving others the story of your life, there's never a final chapter because the legacy continues.

1:23:07Mel Robbins:You lend your light to one person, and he or she shines it on another and another and another. And I know for sure that in the final analysis of our lives, when the to-do lists are no more, when the frenzy is finished, when our email boxes are empty, the only thing that will have any lasting value is whether we've loved others and whether they've loved us and i can tell you for sure that i know for sure that you loved us and we all love you thank you thank you thank you thank you oprah winfrey what are your parting words

1:23:58my parting words are you were born to fulfill the dream of your life here on earth you were born into this planet into the density of this gravitational pull to fulfill the dream of your life and of the creator's dream of your life here on earth. Get about the business of doing that.

1:24:36Mel Robbins:You heard her. Get about the business of doing that. That's right. Get about the business of doing that. I love you, Oprah Winfrey. I love you too, Mel. Thank you for having me here. Oh my gosh, thank you. And thank you. Thank you for making the time. Thank you for spending it with me and Oprah. And thank you for being generous with this conversation with the people in your life. It is a gift that you can give to other people that will inspire them, awaken them, remind them. And in case no one else tells you today as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you. I believe in you.

1:25:08Mel Robbins:And I believe in your ability to create a better life. Now get about the business of freaking doing it. Freaking doing it.

1:25:20Yes.

1:25:20Mel Robbins:Do you want the chair out of the way? Oh, oopsie. Oh, well. Now we're breaking stuff. It's okay. Mel, you look so good. This is the first time I've had makeup done for my own show. Because I was not going to look bad. We're nowhere without our hairdresser, honey child. Yes, that's right. And action. Oprah Winfrey. Woo! Woo! Oh, my gosh. Oprah Winfrey. Okay, now you're pushing in? Okay. And action. Oprah Winfrey.

1:25:53Mel Robbins:Oh, my God. Let's get the coffee up before it stays in support. Oh, don't worry. No, don't worry. Don't worry about that. I'll clean that up. I knocked it over. I'll clean it up. It's going to be the ultimate aha. Are you going to come out in like a bedazzled bathing suit with high boots on? No, no, no. I want to see this. No. I'm still freaked out about the glasses. Wait till you see what we ordered. Oh my gosh. For all the practice shots. For all the practice shots. No, you didn't. Yes, we did. And so if you need an extra pair, you can have them. I actually. There you go. What? Got it, got it, got it, got it.

1:26:27Mel Robbins:Got it, got it, got it. Okay, got it. So good, girl. You got the goods.

1:26:35Mel Robbins:Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. this is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Sirius XM Podcasts.

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