This One Episode Will Motivate You to Change Your Entire Life

24:24Mel Robbins:Whether it's people who have what you want or people that had a lot more privilege and had a better start than you did, or it's your parents for the things that they didn't do or that they did do, or it's your spouse because they're not showing up a certain way, and you're missing the single most important factor in your life that changes everything, which is you. instead of like, like envy and jealousy is driving me crazy. Why have you chosen, friends, to look at the three people on earth that are in their 20s that are trillionaires or who've spent a million dollars on plastic surgery to look incredible?

25:00Why are you choosing to shape yourself up to them? Don't you know there's 8.3 billion other people that you could shape yourself up to? And I'm going to say something nice and slow. If you are capable to be listening to the Mel Robbins podcast. If you are right now capable of having the time, whether you're on a treadmill walking the damn dog, driving to work, if you are a human, by the way, that is maybe potentially doing it on a phone that costs several hundred dollars. If you're even a human that is hearing these words, you have it much better than most of the entire world. So how about that?

25:40how about not I'm not Timothee Chalamet like how about 8.3 billion people how about 800 million people can't get clean water how about all the truth of the world how about you do have it better than your grandma had it how about real shit how about gratitude enough of this envy there's been so much envy so much jealousy as if anyone else's life has anything to do with you and comma you know anything about their actual real life. So true. We put all these people on a pedestal and meanwhile, that person is drinking a bottle of bourbon tonight because they can't deal with the pressure of the world's judgment because their emotional foundation isn't good enough.

26:23When are we going to lead into gratitude?

26:26Mel Robbins:Do you think gratitude is the way you flip from blame? Yes. Because I think a lot of people are probably leaning in going, boy, okay, like if you were to just calculate, okay, what are all the things I'm blaming on my childhood. And it's holding me back because you're dragging it with you if you're still looking backward. Or blaming your spouse or blaming your boss or blaming your daughter who's living the life you wish you were living and you feel like you're doing it for her and no one did it for you. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blah, blah, blah, blah. Gratitude. And here's a big one.

26:59How about some humility? Can we get humility back into the game? Why do people think humility is weak? I don't know. I think people think kindness is weak. I don't get that. No shit, neither do I. Like in this nanosecond, like taking myself out of the podcast, I'm so happy right now because I'm happy people listen to you. I'm happy people listen to me. I'm happy, you know, people are focusing on all the bad that's out there. There are so many outlets to get good now. Yes. There's so many. And this is the point. First of all, kudos to everyone who's listening. you chose to consume some positivity.

27:38You chose to consume some accountability. You may not know why you like Mel, but I do. Why do they like me? Because they're on the cusp of change. They're in the pregame. I'm excited. Like literally, I don't know if you can see these. I'm pumped for them. They're close. Right? Yes. They're consuming you because they're close.

27:58Mel Robbins:Yes, and you listen because you sense something that Gary and I know is true. That you are capable of bananas, extraordinary things. And let me say that real quick. If you can shift your mindset. Let me say something about that. For extraordinary things, not tens of millions of listeners to your podcast or 33 businesses that you're juggling. the number one thing I have is not all the things you think I have. The number one thing I have is peace of mind. Do you know what I want for everyone? I don't want them to have a blue checkmark, Mel. I don't want them to have a million fucking followers. I don't need them to have a top five podcast or big businesses.

28:47I need them to have peace of mind. Do you know how many people listening right now should make a lot less money? They're making$240, but they don't like their job. They're living above their means so they need their job to continue to pay for their lifestyle of things that bring them no actual joy and you know what they need to do? They need to simplify their life. We must get out of this materialistic keeping up with the Joneses. Now listen, I need action. Like there's plenty of people listening right now that don't need simplicity. I need action. I need people because I love them too much. I need the game.

29:21I'm too creative. It's like too fun. I'm a city boy. I'm a people person. I love everyone regardless of what their intent is towards me. I need it, right? But if I didn't, no one on earth would know me. I would live in the middle of absolutely nowhere and I would do simple things because I'm comfortable in being who I actually am. That is the secret to life.

29:44Mel Robbins:Period. Are you comfortable with yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Peace of mind means you're not questioning who am I? What should I be doing today? What does this person think of me? That you know who you are. You know your intention. And I think this is really, really important because you chase the material thing because you think that if you have the right purse or the right car or the right outfit on or the right house in the right neighborhood or you belong to the right club or you have your nails done the right way, that other people are going to think you are a certain person. And that is going to give you the confidence and peace of mind.

30:23Mel Robbins:That's right. It doesn't. Nope. It anchors your self-worth in someone else's opinion, which you will never control, which means you will always be chasing other people's opinions in order to get the validation that you can give to yourself. Yes. You know what my great hope is for 2050 to 2060? Is that the advancements of technology actually bring us back to simplicity. I believe this, by the way. This is one of my theses of how it could go. and yeah you might not have the same car your friends with husband might be just much more attractive than yours or whatever it might be you might be a director and not an svp in your company but i can tell you about me mel i the way i view people is 100 percent based on their humanity the way i view do i like someone do i not are like mel this may interest you this you may not know about me.

31:18I am wildly unimpressed, including myself, in people's business accomplishments.

31:25Mel Robbins:That does not surprise me in the least. I want to keep going, going, going, but you know the deal. I got to hit the pause button so we can give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. And I know you're thinking of people in your life because everything Gary is saying is hitting you as the truth. It is practical. It is tactical. And so while you listen to our sponsors, I want you to copy and paste and dump this in the family group chat. I want you to share this with your friends because there are people in your life who need to hear everything that Gary is pouring into you today. And don't go anywhere because when we come back, Gary and I are going to unpack the topic of time, regrets, and the three words that are keeping you feeling stuck and unhappy right now.

32:07Mel Robbins:Trust me, the next part of this conversation is going to wake you up and change the way you think about how you're living your life. Don't go anywhere. Gary Vaynerchuk and I are going to be right back.

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35:38Mel Robbins:Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are here with Gary Vaynerchuk, and he's teaching you how to stop making excuses. Change your life right now. All right, Gary, let's just jump right back in. I really, truly believe, and I'm glad we're lasering in on this, that the measure of a person is not what they have. It's how they treat other people. The only thing I actually live my life for is my funeral. Let's go here because one of my most favorite things that I have ever seen you do or say, it is a video. You're going to know exactly which one it is as I start to speak. You are in a cab, I believe, and the window is down and you're at a stoplight and a woman runs over and is like, Gary, Gary, oh my God, Gary, I love you.

36:31Mel Robbins:You know, I need some motivation today. Give me some motivation. And you look out the window and you look at her and you say, you're going to die. And she's kind of startled. And I don't remember the exact words, but it was, you're going to die. We're all going to die. What really matters is, how do you want to live? How do you want to live? And while you're here and while you're still on this side of the dirt and while people that you still love can still walk into the room, how are you going to live? Because you do not want to get to your funeral and go, God, I wish I had. Boy, I wish I would as a better person.

37:08Mel Robbins:See, I am like you. I constantly think about that moment. I want to reflect back and go, I was a good mom. I was like a good friend, you know? Gave a good run. I gave a good run. I gave more than I took. I scratched the itches. You know, I'm very passionate about what I'm about to say. I think we've lost our way with the elderly. I think the last 30-40 years of technology advancements have made us make fun of grandparents because they don't know how to use OpenClaw or you know instant messenger or snapchat and I think we've really done a disservice to ourselves by misunderstanding what true wisdom is.

37:53A hundred years ago the thought of disrespecting an elder was as foreign as you can imagine. I like tactics sometimes. I got a weird one, everyone. This is a big one, actually. It's a very left field one. I promise you, I've literally never heard anyone else get hot on this one. So I like bringing it up. If you can volunteer five hours to a retirement home in your general area, like literally call them, email them. Be like, hey, was listening to Mel's podcast like super weird, you might think, but like, is there any way for me to like give five hours so much good will happen in that five hours first of all a lot of people in those places are quite lonely unfortunately and really right like I see like even saying it like coming out of my mouth I was like and then you're and I know a lot of people just went right it's just the way it is it's really tough so that breaks my heart and you would be doing a real mitzvah a real gift a real nice thing like talking to a 91 year old woman about her life will bring her incredible joy of just companionship.

38:56But here's a little secret. It's going to do a lot more for you. And let me tell you as someone who has gone out of his way to sit with people in their 80s on planes and at airports and in random moments in my life, the number one thing everyone listening to this podcast wants to avoid is regret. If anything comes out of this podcast, if one person, if one of you, if one of you decide to do something tomorrow, jump out of a plane skydiving, quit your job and become a dog walker and live more humbly, get out of a toxic relationship.

39:36Mel Robbins:Yeah. Get out of regret. Do something tomorrow. Tomorrow. Do something tomorrow. This is probably, you're probably consuming this right as the fall. Yes. The seasons change, right? everyone in your life and in real life we're coming out of summer like we're in the go time it's September energy it's football season tomorrow tomorrow do something that's been sitting in your tummy for a day a year and most likely a decade Mel and just do it actually I promise you whatever you're scared of is far less scary than 30 years from now telling some random stranger that looks like Gary, that you, the worst sentence, Mel, is three words.

40:22I wish I dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And my great joy is that I don't live that way. 400 trillion to one, Mel. Yep. 400 trillion to one. My friends, the current scientific, I'm no scientist. I got F's in science, so here he goes but what I've been able to consume modern scientists that are way above my pay grade currently have the likelihood of becoming a human being at 400 trillion to one that you are you that you are born mom could have went for another glass of wine before it went down and the whole game would have been different and you would not be you like it is a it is miracle is disrespectful to how impossible it is to have a life so you're gonna mope around your whole life Let me get this straight.

41:15You've won the ultimate lottery of the universe, of the actual universe. And we've decided we're going to mope and cry about dumb shit. And here's the best part. You don't like it? Go change the room. Right? Yes. You don't like it? Change the room. You don't like your relationship? Change the house. You don't like your boss? Change the office.

41:34Mel Robbins:You don't like your mindset? Change it. Consume shit like this. Yeah, you don't like what's showing up on social media? Change what you follow. The algorithm is exposing who you actually are. It's so true. And, you know, listen, friends, the number one thing that's holding so many of you back is your lack of humility. I'm telling you, my friends, I'm begging you. I'm like nose to mic. I'm begging you. Lean into these old school values. Humility, civility, like kindness towards strength. Like open the door for someone. Smile. Do you know how many people I smile at, Mel? Everybody. You should see me in an airport.

42:10I'm like, it's like a joke. I don't even know, like, you know, and now people know who I am. So it was a lot more fun back in the day because, you know, like, no one knew who I was. You're just a goofy guy with a big smile. Right, and like, and by the way, a lot of people smile back and they need it. And then I would say this. I think people like myself, like you, I believe happiness has done a bad job. Let me explain. I think the last decade, unhappiness has been amazing at marketing. That the people that are unhappy are doing a great job. They're taking time to go around the internet, look at people's clips, allow themselves to get triggered, and then leave nasty comments.

42:55They're working.

42:56Mel Robbins:It is a full-time job to leave negative comments. I believe happiness is doing a bad job. I believe there are not enough of us. And Mel, I'm going to say something right now that's really powerful there's a lot of us but they're quiet they are quiet because they're not at the full place yet where they're willing to deal with the ridicule and the judgment for the bigger purpose i didn't deal with any issues in high school or junior high around trying to fit in like i was incredibly well liked because of how you know my personality is my personality Peer pressure was non-existent. I never compromised my morals of who I was in junior high or high school.

43:39I'm definitely not going to fucking do it as an adult.

43:42Mel Robbins:So for somebody, though, who is crippled by other people's opinions, and I remember when I first started putting myself out there online, I was absolutely terrified of what my friends were going to think. I was, I felt cringy as hell. and it is human nature to post, then to check how many people, then to question what you post, then to go down and you've got a couple likes and then see who's not liking it and then look at the one comment that is the weird emoji and then you wonder what they were actually thinking when they put the weird emoji and then laser focus on the thing that's negative instead of focusing on the thing that's positive.

44:21Mel Robbins:And I think that habit and instinct to go to what's wrong keeps so many people from leaning in and experimenting? Because you say, Gary, life shrinks and expands in proportion to your willingness to take risks and try new things. And for most people, putting yourself out there, whether it's posting online or changing your career or starting to exercise or starting that Etsy shop is freaking terrifying. Yes, because their entire framework of how they see life is predicated on other people's opinions, everybody but their own selves. So how do you stop caring about what other people think? Practice.

45:01How do I practice? By doing it. You're looking at a boy who literally was scared shitless to swim and ride a bike. Like, there was a lot of things I was scared of that I think I just got it all out of the system by the time I was 15, 16, 17, 18, somewhere in that range.

45:21Mel Robbins:Okay, so for the 57-year-old, or the 27-year-old or the 37-year-old. Let me give you the big one. Parents, if you have a child that gets bad grades, I'm going to say something weird that I don't even know if I'm right, wrong, left, right, but I'm telling you, there's some real value. I see so many people, so many people now that are scared right now were too good of students. They drew too much in the line. They get validation from outside. every 90 days from a teacher, A plus, B plus, A minus. I think there's a lot there. And so to answer your question, practice. You've got to get used to it.

46:05Get ridiculed so much. Get judged so much. Get pushed back so much that you can't hear it anymore. What's interesting is that if you really think about

46:17Mel Robbins:the stepping up to the line, Like, I feel like you and I, our philosophy in life could be explained by the Nike tagline, just do it. And most people don't understand the most powerful word of those three words. It's just. because if their tagline had been, do it, that's not that inspiring. The just is so powerful because it honors this very human and universal moment of hesitation. You said that the person that's listening right now is on the cusp of something. You have gotten up out of the stands. You've been watching a game. You're now standing there on the sideline of the pickup basketball court.

47:06Mel Robbins:And you are hesitating. That just is an acknowledgement that the hesitation is normal. The hesitation is what you feel right before you push through. Can I use that analogy? Please. This is very important, everyone. I feel like I'm onto one here, so lock in. If I went on a basketball court right now, and I'm a decent little player, but let's say this was just a really high-level game, and I sucked and the other nine people really went there of trying to make me feel bad about it there's something in me that asks them in return a very simple question which is like you are correct you nine are better at basketball than I am but now I have a question for you are you a nicer boy than I am are you as good at making money as I am do you know how to make social media content as well as I do?

48:04Do you understand what live shopping is and how much that can change your nine person's lives today, today? Why have we gotten into a place where one or two or three things that you're not as good at are eating up all the oxygen? My friends, every one of you is great at something. It's true. I have a great friend, Nate, who was my admin for a long time, my co-founder in Empathy Wines, now works in the golfing in the stream. He was my admin when I had my son. And we got to play tennis a bunch because I had a couple weeks off. You're a tennis player? Yeah, I hack a little. I kind of see you in whites.

48:36Okay. So we would play one set because I'd want to go home back to the boy and like da-da-da. And twice in that summer, he was up 5-1 and I won. Came back and won 7-5 and 7-6. couple things one it's because when i was down 5-1 i started to change the energy of the court i started to verbalize towards him and to myself what did you say the first time i just started talking of like nate i have a feeling i'm gonna come back like it's crazy what verbalization does yes it and then sports is wild life is sports it's momentum right now people there's a 39 year old woman right now listening to this and it's just not been going well and literally one point aka one action she takes tomorrow changes the whole calculus of the game and her next 50 years are epic do you know how intoxicating that is to me

49:30Mel Robbins:oh i love this too i love that you're one decision away one action away from a completely different life so anyway i beat him okay and then the second time i'm just like nate you know this is about to happen again and it did for years when we would be together i would bring up these two comebacks to razz him a little bit and like boy talk in business settings and different things. And he would always eat it. And finally I turned to him and said, Nate, like after nine times using this on him, I looked at him and said, Nate, the next time I fucking say that, you look me dead in the face and ask me what my handicap is because he's a remarkable golfer, scratch.

50:08And I've played nine times in my life. Everybody's good at something. And that something might be, you're just a nice person. And I would argue in Gary Vaynerchuk's scale of life, being a good human is way ahead of 10 million followers and$10 million in cash. And you may not believe me because you don't know me, but that's because you just don't know me.

50:32Mel Robbins:Gary, you and I are going to talk for five hours if I don't stop us right now so I can take a break and let our sponsors share a few words. Do not go anywhere. I know you're loving the conversation, but hang with us because when we return, Gary is going to give some career advice, especially right now if you're looking for a job. He's also going to tell you one word to never say again. He also has advice for you if you think you want to start a business. And this is going to be coming from one of the most successful and respected entrepreneurs on the planet. You don't want to miss what's coming next.

51:05Mel Robbins:Gary and I are going to be right back.

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51:40Mel Robbins:One less thing to remember, one less thing to worry about, Walmart for the win. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply. This episode is brought to you by PNC Bank. If listening to this podcast can teach you anything, it's that the most boring life changes can have a big impact in your personal life, your career, and your finances, thanks to PNC Bank. Because for them, the right money moves are the most unexciting ones. So if you take away anything from the pod today, it's this. When it comes to your money, start thinking boring.

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53:10Mel Robbins:Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are here with Gary Vaynerchuk, and he's teaching you how to stop making excuses. Change your life right now. All right, Gary, let's just jump right back in. I want to circle back because you told that story for a reason. And the reason why you told that story is because you just gave the tool and the tactic that gets you off the sideline. That's right. Because as you're standing there, whether the sideline for you is, I'm taking the real estate exam. I'm quitting this job. I'm leaving this relationship. I am going to learn how to make money online and do live shopping.

53:46Mel Robbins:Yes, I am. When you're standing on that line and the just do it and the hesitation is building, the only one criticizing you is you. And when you start to smack talk yourself, I'm doing the damn thing. I know I'm scared. I know it feels weird. Watch me make a comeback. Watch me change my life. It changes the trajectory of your life because now instead of arguing against yourself, which is what's creating the hesitation, by the way, nobody else in your life is going, don't you dare do that thing. Of course. It's you. It's heartbreaking. Don't you think it's heartbreaking? Yes. And let me paint another picture if you allow me.

54:25Live shopping. Of course. Live shopping. I'm obsessed.

54:28Mel Robbins:I know you're obsessed. So explain what live shopping is. It's QVC on social media. That's right. Not complicated. Yes. It is go on TikTok right now and scroll for a while. Inevitably within your first 15 scrolls, somebody is literally instead of a piece of content, there's somebody who's actually live selling normally some chachkas that you don't need. Okay. But it is, but Mel, exactly where social media was. You know, you said you stumbled on me 14 years ago. So we're talking 12, 2012. Yes, 2012. I had already been making content about social for five full years every day. No kidding. Social, social, social.

55:03Wine, library, TV. Yes. Yeah. Wine Library TV was 06. By 07, I'm making content of like, you can change your life on social. Everyone can do this. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook. Then a year later, I write this book. It comes out a year later. 09. That really puts me on. Where live shopping is right this second is exactly where social was in 2014. Okay. People know it. We've accepted that it's out there. Yep. You've heard of it. People know what TikTok shop is. People maybe have heard of whatnot. not people have seen the headlines. It's not like everyone who's listening is like, what is that? Like, they might be like, what is that?

55:38But also a lot of people listening right now, like, oh, I know what that is.

55:40Mel Robbins:Oh, I know what that is. It's the shop now button. It's the this button. And a lot of people think they've already missed it. Like, oh, darn. Or like, I don't get it. Okay, this is a big theme. Now, as you're listening to Gary right now, I want you to pay attention because he may be talking about live shopping. This is what's meant for you. This notion of I missed it. I'm too late. I missed the window. Somebody else is doing it. now I can't do it. This timeline. There's too many people selling purses already on shopping. I can't. Crazy. Yes, that because of out there, your internal dialogue goes, not me.

56:13Mel Robbins:And a lot of times this sounds like I'm too old. I'm too late. There's too many other people. And you're about to say you're wrong. Not only are you wrong, we represent it. I, I've been podcasting since 2007. From 2000, when was COVID-19? From 2014 to 19, I had a top 100 podcast. Mine was different. It was ripping audio out of things that I were doing. And in two seconds, because you did it better, it didn't matter how many years of a head start. Do you want to know something crazy though, Terry? In 2018, I remember seeing your podcast. I remember seeing other people's podcasts. I wanted to do a podcast because I had gotten my start in the media business by hosting a local radio show Saturday mornings here in Boston.

57:03Mel Robbins:You know what I told myself as I'm standing on the sideline watching your ass do your podcast and I'm feeling the just do it hesitation. Oh my God. I said, well, Gary's already done it. So the motivation and the, you know, that kind of thing that I want to do, it's already taken. It would be another six years before I stopped talking myself out of it and actually did it. How about this? How about in this podcast, I said very clearly, there are 10 ,000 listeners that are nice people too and want good for others that actually can do it. Of course. Do you know how crazy that is? Just this listener group, there's 10 ,000 people that can start right now.

57:48They're in dead zero. Well, everybody starts at dead zero. No shit, Sherlock. But in a year, they could have a totally different life.

57:57Mel Robbins:The actual message to the person listening is there is something that you are on the cusp of. There is something you are amazing at. And the more you sit around and watch everybody else do it, the more you are going to rot inside because you're not doing anything about it. you get your two index fingers and put them in your ears and you can't hear others and you take these risks and do things, the more likely your life will be joyful. You are literally, I'm thinking about this woman right now. I could just see her. You're not going to do this because when you go on TikTok and you sell something, you're concerned about the looks of the fellow moms when you drop off your junior high daughter because you, for some reason, value if they think that you're doing it because you don't have enough money or all these.

58:46Mel Robbins:Or you're trying to be an influencer. You're stuck in sixth grade. And my thing is when the alpha of your group, because you're not, comes up to you and says, Hey, Mel, saw your little TikTok thing. Like, what's going on? Is John not bringing enough money home? You guys need a couple bucks? We're happy to give you a couple of dollars. When she goes there, my brain goes to that basketball game and you say to Susan or Sally McGee or Jocelyn. Hey, Joss, how about X, Y, and Z? Because the thought that Jocelyn, the alpha that's going to razz you, has everything perfect is insanity. Well, the other thing that's insanity is that you're allowing another person's opinion to stop you from living your life.

59:33Mel Robbins:And this goes to regret, Mel. And it goes to, you're going to die. That's right. And is the eulogies at your funeral going to be, well, she had all these dreams in her heart, but she was afraid of Jocelyn. That's right. And so instead, she kind of lived a small thing and didn't take any risks and lived with a lot of regret. That's right. And really, you know, at the end, Jocelyn moved on to a different friend group. That's right. But she thought a lot about how she should have done it, and then she beat herself up about regret. That's right. And so if we've learned anything in this podcast, it's fuck Jocelyn.

1:00:06I mean like really though like friends and again this is what intoxicates me about being here you are not choosing as a human being to listen to this podcast over tuning into CNN and Fox and scaring yourself or celebrity

1:00:21Mel Robbins:like interviews or whatever or the reunion show of like and by the way oh that's fine like I watch sports like that doesn't mean anything it's an escapism it brings me joy it's a balance to all the other stuff. But I know this. If you've decided to listen to this podcast, you're close. I can't get over this. This is what keeps running in my head. I know they're close. I know it. Yes. Because I've lived it my whole life. Also, the last 20 years, people that consume my stuff are close to action. And you want it. Like you don't pass time listening to this. You make it because there is something in you that you know needs to be unearthed.

1:01:04Mel Robbins:And you listen to this because you're looking for the encouragement. You're looking for somebody like Gary, who has been there and who does this every day to say, you can do this, but you have to stop listening to everybody else's opinion. You have to stop letting fear stand in your way. It is about action. Talk is so cheap. And it's hard, by the way. By the way, listen, friends, I know Mel and I have been like really jamming like a rock band in our garage for an hour on this one thing listen to me friends it is not lost on me on how hard this is when you are fully bought into other people's opinions you've probably been there for 20 to 30 years to just be like oh yay gary and mel like like a ranting now and i'm gonna do it it's not quote unquote that easy and yet it is and i will say it like I can speak from personal experience at some point I just jumped in the pool you know at some point you're just gonna jump you just are and I here's my big one here's my big one tactically you need to start surrounding yourself with people that are cheering for you to jump in the pool not making fun of you for not being in the pool how do you do that when in the physical world they're not around you because I get we get a lot of questions about this I bet you do so how do you build the cheering group online?

1:02:22Ready? Ready? When Mel posts on Instagram, reply to other people's replies to her post and start becoming friends, all of you. Mel Mafia, start becoming friends with each other in Mel's comments. Here's what's gonna happen, Mel. Sally reads all the comments from your post. She finds Kristen's comment that she associates with. She replies, Kristen, I couldn't agree with you more. She also clicks Kristen's profile and looks at her profile and says, P.S. your dog is so cute. Got it? We're putting a little effort into positivity. Kristen is just a regular good old Kristen. She's not accustomed to people liking her comment and replying to it.

1:03:03She sees it in her notification. She then goes looks. She's on the receiving end of love and warmth. She reads that comment. She looks at the first person's comment and says oh my god, I love your backyard. You know what happens next? One of them DMs each other. You know what happens next? That goes on for a couple of weeks. You know what happens next? A phone call, a Zoom. You know what happens next? They actually meet in person. I love this. Our slogan in Be Friends is strangers become acquaintances, acquaintances become friends, and friends become family. I'm obsessed with this. Do you know why I love collectibles and believe it's a huge trend and that it's about to join fashion and sports and music as a lifestyle genre?

1:03:45because collectibles, you don't need the cardboard of a baseball card that's worth$2 million. It's worth nothing. You don't need the pieces of paper of a comic book that ends up being worth$10 ,000. The actual intrinsic value is nothing. You definitely don't need collectibles. It is not a necessity. The only necessity about collectibles is community. Do you know why sports works? It's something that's not the most important thing in the world that brings everyone together and we're talking about the same thing. Do you know why music works? It's tribalism on something that's positive. Do you know what Comic-Con looks like?

1:04:25Oh my God, if you wear a Spider-Man outfit and someone else loves Spider-Man, these are two strangers that hug it out like they're long lost best friends. It's collectibles are important because when I go to the trade show in Chicago for four days, hundreds of thousands of people, we just all like cardboard with athletes on it. Right.

1:04:43Mel Robbins:I want to take this because there is something about your life that you love. Needle pointing, gardening, like it could be tractor pulling. It could be anything. Yes. People around you misunderstand you. You can find a community of people that are in it. And if you put yourself intentionally in it, get up to the line, just do it, hesitate, hesitate, I'm doing it, and you jump into that community, you now feel lifted up. Mel, this whole little rant is why I believe social media is the greatest, not the worst. Everybody has become infatuated with talking about all the bad of social. You said something very important earlier.

1:05:19You said for the people here who can't physically find it around them. Yes. They were in a neighborhood, all their family members, negative Nellies. all their friend group cynical cats the fact that they can open their phone and comment in Mel's Instagram posts and find her people friends all of you that love this podcast the biggest mistake you're doing is not interacting with each other in Mel's comments

1:05:44Mel Robbins:that is a huge gift me and the person listening right now it's actually the number one thing that I want to happen with content I want one of the things that's not happening is I want everyone to start using the comments like Facebook groups Yes. Rather than talking to me and commenting to me, comment to each other. Yes, because it's bigger than us. Yes. What we do for a living is so uncomfortably bigger than us. I don't think it's about me at all. Nor do I. I want to ask you some rapid fire questions. Please. Because this is what people, when people are looking for advice from you online, these are the top things people ask you.

1:06:20Mel Robbins:Okay. What's one thing the person listening can do today to build self-confidence? make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings what mel everything is the last scene of eight mile m &m's movie m &m's movie eight mile the last scene is a battle rap m &m goes first which is actually a disadvantage in battle rap so what does he do he flips the script he makes fun of himself the entire time and then at the tail end he goes but i know something about you to Clarence. I believe the number one thing that most people watching or listening to this podcast should do is make a video and tell the world what they suck at.

1:07:03Wow. It is the great liberating piece of content that is sitting on the fingertips of society that no one's doing. Because once you take control of it, they don't have control of it.

1:07:15Mel Robbins:Oh, the thing you're afraid to say actually owns you. owns your fucking ass. It's your jail. Almost everyone is not posting because of something like that. And almost everybody is not posting because they think there's a perfect thing to post. Correct. And the only thing to post is the thing you're afraid to say. And the reason I'm brand new at posting music videos and I'm scared to death to do this. And some of you may think this sucks and I've been talking myself out of it for 17 months but here goes and everybody's not posting and I mean everybody almost no one's actually posting and they're all not posting you know why they like their little facade they're safe in their fakeness they want everyone to think it's awesome Johnny and me are doing great my kids are perfect everyone's fucking great no one's great.

1:08:10And that's what's great.

1:08:13Mel Robbins:Everyone's got something. Jeez. What's the piece of advice you would give to somebody who wants to start a business? And what's the worst? The best advice is, are you actually capable? You know, one of the proud things I am is I definitely feel like I'm in a very small group of people that made being a business person or entrepreneur cool 20 years ago. It feels really neat. You know, like you inspired. So what does it feel like to know that you've inspired millions and millions and millions of people around the world to lean in, start, change your life, start a business? Well, you know, it's so funny.

1:08:46You represent something even cooler, which is I got to do it so early that so many people came along were inspired by me that have inspired more people than even I did. It feels so good. All I want is the world to wake up. That's all I want. And what? And realize it's awesome. Like it is. now it might not be awesome right now because you're$80 ,000 in debt your marriage is falling apart like your kid is struggling it's but it is like this is the brain fuck it's awesome because you have a chance to change it I think the big mistake that people make is thinking

1:09:22Mel Robbins:that there is some perfect life there is some life where you're going to be happy all the time and that that's the point of life and the goal is not perfection or happiness perfect it's aliveness What's perfect? By whose fucking definition? So when you say awesome, life is awesome, I think what you're saying is you don't actually have to feel like it's awesome for you to call your life beautiful and good. Mel, the New York Knicks. Do you know how much joy I still feel and most of New York City feels about what happened a couple months ago? Do you understand that the Knicks were losing by 29 points late in an NBA finals and no team had ever done it before?

1:10:04And guess what? We did. There is someone right now who's down 29 points. Down 29 points in the fourth quarter. And can win. Do you know how cool that is? Do you know how awesome that is? Everything's gone wrong. and one smart decision. But it starts with, this is on me. And this is where the politicians have been brilliant. This is where the bosses have been brilliant. And this is where the parents have been brilliant. They've weaponized and manipulated their subjects into thinking they can help them. Mel, do you know what's really cool? Tell me. I don't think I can help anyone. I do not believe that Gary V content or me, the human, can help anyone.

1:10:46but I can help them realize that they can help themselves. Correct.

1:10:50Mel Robbins:So if someone's looking for a job right now, whether they lost it or they're in a new grad in this market, Gary, what is the number one skill that you think they should be focusing on? Making content on LinkedIn. Making content on LinkedIn? How about that one? You know why? I'm obsessed with optionality. What does that mean? Let me explain. If you lost your job and you're like debating, do I want another job similar or do I want to do something on my own? If everyone understood what I understood, which is LinkedIn is exactly the same thing as Facebook and Instagram, except the audience perspective and mentality when they're on it is different.

1:11:26If you put out content on LinkedIn, whether it's about the things you think about your industry, so you're an executive assistant. Yep. And so you're making content on LinkedIn about five rules. Hey, everyone, it's Susan. I'm in between gigs. I've been doing executive assistant work for the last nine years. Just gonna make this video. Five things every executive assistant or someone getting into it should know about the game.

1:11:48Mel Robbins:Now, I want to point something out. Notice he said, I'm in between gigs. Most people wouldn't say that because you don't want people to know that. And Gary is telling you, saying the thing you don't want to say is not a sign that you're a loser. It's a sign that you're a winner and that you're secure in yourself and you're still showing up. Mel, your embarrassment is your advantage. What do you mean? I mean, your embarrassment is your uniqueness. It's your nuance. It's your snowflake. I just don't know how people can't see this. Your unique situation is your biggest advantage, regardless if the world currently thinks it's right.

1:12:28Let me give you a big one for me. Yes. I pounded against college for a decade in my content in the early 2000s and got completely shit on by everyone.

1:12:38Mel Robbins:Like what he's talking about is that for a decade, Gary was questioning. 2005, 7, 9, 11 College is a waste for a lot of people Do you need to go to college? You do not need to go to college The world is changing 2007, I'm making a video saying college isn't right And I always was nuanced If you're creative or entrepreneurial And your parents can't afford to pay for it I do not think you should go take$120 ,000 in debt To have a piece of paper that I'm projecting in 20 years won't matter Yep and Mel I got destroyed well no really Mel like it was probably the subject matter that I most got the most private and public comment heat of for a decade wow Gary you're saying this because you were a bad student you suck you're not smart you curse and you're bad at school you don't have intellect blah blah blah and then miraculously 15 years later people are like wait a minute and so what I'm saying is if it's your truth my truth was I thought a lot of kids were getting screwed by college.

1:13:43Yes. I agree with you. But man, was I on an island in 2007. I'm telling you, I was in a really lonely place. And I would not stop because I believed in my soul. And you think I want to tell the world that I sucked at candor for 20 years and was horrible at firing? And that there's people out there that are still mad at me because I pulled the rug from out? I'm embarrassed. Mel? I don't think all my other success... What do you do with those failures? Adjust. Own and adjust. And then by the way, my friends, pay attention to your relationship with should. My relationship with should is remarkable.

1:14:22I don't use it. I don't think I should have anything. In fact, I think if I'm working 15 hours a day, let me say this slow, and for three years straight, I don't think I should have anything. Because if I'm not working effectively or something that's bringing value to someone, I should get nothing. Cause and effect. That's a tough one. You know, like, okay, Gary and Mel, I've been working on my podcast for nine years, 12 hours a day. Like, what's up? What's up is you stink. I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know. Like, it's okay. Like, by the way, like, I stink a lot. There's a lot of things I've done that stink, which is why I don't do them anymore.

1:14:58Correct. Now we're getting into like, like, are you navigating? How self-aware are you? Where's your humility? But I'm going to say it again. There's a lot of people exhausted because they are not realizing how much envy and jealousy is eating up their soul. I'm going to say it nice and slow. As of this moment that most people are listening, obviously people will listen to this years from now, but knowing when this is going to air, they just went through June, July, and August, and they got triggered by someone else's happiness. We need to talk about this more.

1:15:29Mel Robbins:I had a moment in my life where I just got tired of myself. That. I got so sick of being a person that thought life should be different, that thought I should have the things other people did, that was jealous of people I wanted to be happy for. And I realized, wait, if I don't like the person I am and if I don't like how I feel, I'm not stuck as this version of myself. In the realist way. I need to change this if I don't like the way my life feels. Even in the most competitive place I am as a professional. Yes. Like I do business the way like athletes do athlete. I know. I love that about you.

1:16:08You know, like they're like in real life, they're very sweet. But when they get on the field, they want to crush. Yes. Even in my most competitive domain, my professional career, if you knew how much joy I have for people that are seemingly on paper competing with me when they are winning what many of my contemporaries view as coming out of them, it does not even register. I could not be happier for people that pass me in following count pass me in financial status Pass me in listener count. I could not be more happy for all of you Why? Because the world is abundant and your joy has nothing to do with me My joy is my joy and your joy is your joy and friends there's unlimited stuff There's unlimited happiness.

1:16:54There's unlimited love. There's unlimited joy. There's unlimited materialistic things and just like no one's taking out of you. You're taking out of you.

1:17:04Mel Robbins:If this were the last thing that you could share with somebody, the one message that you wanted the person who's been listening to this to remember, what would it be? That nothing in the end, in the end, none of the shit that you're worried about is going to actually matter. So if that is true, and guess what? I know everyone knows I'm right. Then why not start living your life that way right this second. What are your parting words? That life can be so much better than the way it is right now. I think there's a confusion in the system. I really, really love you. And it's time you love yourself.

1:17:41Mel Robbins:Gary, I really love you. I do. And I know you don't do a lot of interviews. And so the fact that you wanted to be here, that you made the time to be here, that you did that both for me as somebody who I truly, when I tell you this, I am where I am in my life because of the content that you put out and the message that you put out and the way that you've changed the way that I think. And I really have always felt in everything that you've done that there is this incredible combination of ambition and confidence and fun and business and go and build and chase and how fucking cool is this? And at the same time, this humble, connected, profound understanding of what is true in life.

1:18:39Mel Robbins:and I feel like you are a twin flame and a huge bright light. And I just want to thank you for truly changing my life and inspiring me. That is incredibly humbling. And, you know, to me it honors what I most believe in the world that is so much bigger than me, which is like, this is real. There is so much. Right now the world is very confused that hate is winning. My friends, hate's in trouble. Love is always lurking. And I'm really just uncomfortably proud of you. And more importantly, in this moment, there's just a lot of people listening that are on the cusp. I am so proud and pumped for you, but I am here strictly because I know one person's ready to tip, and I know our combination today will do that.

1:19:36Mel Robbins:Well, Gary V, I love you. I love you back. Thank you for coming here and partnering with me on behalf of the person who spent all this time with us. And I just want to say to you, thank you for making the time to be with me and Gary. Go follow him. Go comment with the other people in the comments, for God's sakes, and get off the damn line and get into the game. Your life depends on it, in case nobody else tells you. As your friend, I'm going to be sure to remind you that I love you. I know Gary loves you. And we both believe in your ability to create a better life. Now go fucking do it.

1:20:37Mel Robbins:particularly love the series A Court of Thorn and Roses. Love ACOTAR. Now go fucking do it. Forever grateful you're going to be listening to this sucker on repeat. No, you're the best. Thank you. I really...

1:21:01Mel Robbins:Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

1:21:36Sirius XM Podcasts.

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