Do This To Not Die With Regret!

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and improve yourself so you can grow, so you can make your life better. Because ultimately, if you're listening to this, you understand that in order for your life to be better, you have to be better. And this podcast is designed to help you become better. So hit that subscribe button. Today, I'm going to be talking about things that you need to do in order to not die with regret.

0:36I don't know about you, but one of my, actually, probably my biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and having regret. You know, like I've been there, uh, and the first person that I ever knew that passed away was my father when I was 15. And I remember seeing him when he was in his casket and thinking, man, he had so much, he always wanted, he always said, there's so many things he wanted to do. And he was such a dreamer, but he never did anything. I was also in the room, uh, when my grandfather died and, um, I've been at those moments where somebody's at the end of their life, and it is very humbling.

1:10And at the same time, it really makes you start to think about your own life. And when you have someone that's close to you die, you really do start to think about your own life and what it is that you're doing. But then it kind of fades away. And so today we're going to be talking about how other people die with regret so that you don't have to. And in the past, I've talked about the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying. And I'm not going to dive into all of them today, but I'm going to talk about the number one regret. And we're going to really take it and break it down so that you can make sure that you are not the same as other people who die with regret.

1:46And so the same way that Tony Robbins says success leaves clues, I think that failure leaves clues. And if somebody gets to the end of their life and they have a massive regret, that in a sense is a little bit of a failure in their life. At least they feel like it is. And so the number one regret of people who are on their deathbed is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me. Now, when you go into this, there's two different things that we can break out of this and what we really need to learn about ourselves in order to work through. Number one is our need for acceptance, people's need for acceptance from other people.

2:24And the number two is people don't know who they truly are and what it is they truly want. And so we're going to break down both of those two things to hopefully make sure that you don't get to the end of your life and have the number one regret that the average person dies with, that dies with regrets, be yours. Okay, and so the first thing is our need for acceptance. We all have a need for acceptance in some way, and we can pretend that we don't, but we all want to be accepted. Some of us become okay with not being accepted, but we would prefer that everybody accept us, right? And so some of you might have very strong desire to be accepted by other people.

3:02Some of you might not necessarily care as much, but you'd still prefer that people accept you. And from a young age, we develop or start developing our personality. And if you've been listening to podcasts for a while, when you look at the word personality, the Greek word for personality is persona, which is the Greek mask that people would wear on stage. And so what we do is in order to be as specific as possible, most of the time, in order to get our parents' love from the beginning, we make ourselves into a character of what we think other people want us to be. I did an episode a couple of weeks ago talking about how we develop this feeling of, I need to be this way for my parents.

3:47We unconsciously think this, but I need to be this way for my parents so that therefore they accept me. and a lot of parents don't realize that they retract their love from children in order to, you know, have them do what they want them to do. And so our parents, what it is that they do, and they want us to do, and what, you know, what is it we do and we can't do, all of that stuff is kind of built into our system. And so we start developing, like if you look at a one-year-old or two-year-old, they don't really care about anybody's perception of them. And then we start to look at three, four, five, people start to care, children start to care about other people's perception of them.

4:27They're able to kind of take themselves out of their own head and see themselves from a different perspective. And unconsciously, they're thinking, okay, when I do this, my mom gets mad at me. When I do this, my mom loves me. So I want my mom's love as much as possible. So therefore I'm going to do this. Even though I want to do this, that gets her to be mad at me. I'm not going to do that anymore. And so, you know, when we're younger, we start to develop this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. And we start to develop ourselves into, well, I want my parents to love as much as possible.

5:01I'm going to do what it is that they want me to do. Then we start to get older and we act a certain way to fit in with other kids. You know, I've told this story many times. I still feel bad about calling a girl a name in middle school because I thought that the other kids, I was on the bus, I thought that other kids were going to think it was funny. And that's not who I am. And I still feel bad about it. Now, 25, 28 years later, whatever it is, I still feel bad about it because that's not just who I am. But I thought I needed to be that way in order to be accepted. And so some people become bullies and some people become victims.

5:39You know, some people become bullies because they learn bullying from their parents, so they learn bullying from their older brother, and they just start doing it and taking their anger out on other children. Some people become victims where they become a child who's bullied or treated certain ways by other children. And so it starts off in our childhood from very, very young, as we learn after a while, like, quote unquote, what we can do versus quote unquote, what we can't do. And in turn, we start to build ourselves into someone that we kind of are, but mostly are not. And then as we get older, we start acting a certain way so we can fit in with children.

6:18Then we get a little bit older, we start acting a certain way. We want to wear certain clothes when we're younger so that we can fit in. Some kids make fun of kids that aren't wearing certain clothes. Like I never was able to, we were never able to afford like the Tommy Hilfiger and all of that expensive stuff, which was like, what was the hot thing back in the nineties. And so, you know, there were kids who were like, Oh, they're wearing this. They're not wearing this. He's wearing this. They're not wearing this. And so it's really convoluted when you start to think about how we develop a personality and how we start to figure out who, quote unquote, who we are.

6:49We start to build ourself into a character. And then, you know, a lot of people that I talk to, they go to a college because their mom, their dad, their parents wanted them to go to college. They get a degree because of the degree that they wanted them to get. They get a job and they start to work there. And then they think to themselves like, okay, well, this is what I went to school for, so I've got to do this thing. And at some point, a lot of people wake up and they're like, the hell am I doing with my life? Like I have this house, I have this job, I have this degree, and I don't even really want to be a doctor or an accountant or whatever it is that they might be.

7:27I don't want to be a lawyer. But they went that way because they thought like either their parents wanted to do that or society wanted them to do that or they needed to make a certain amount of money. But now they're just realizing that after being 40, 35, 45 years old, that damn, like maybe I've gone down the wrong path, but then they start to think to themselves, well, I'm too far down the road. Now I can't really turn back. I have too much time invested into it. And you know, like I talked to people that are 42 years old and they're like, I don't know. I have so much time invested in this. I went to school and I've been at this, you know, this job now in this, this industry for 20 years, I can't change and I'm like well if you think about if you live to 85 years old you're telling me that you're just going to stay on this path for the next what is that 43 more years more than your entire life that you've already been alive because you already decided to go down this road you feel like you're too far behind and so then they get stuck and they feel stuck in the position that they're in and it all started because there was this beginning of need for acceptance and when you look at, I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not what other people expected of me, it starts with people's need for acceptance.

8:41And so I really want you to think about that is how much does your need for acceptance come into play when you're starting to think about making a big life change? Oh, I want to go and open my own business. But I mean, the amount of times I hear people say, I want to open my own business, but my mom's going to say that's ridiculous. I'm I'm like, does your mom pay your bills? You're 40 years old. And it's like, no, but she doesn't. But I also really care about my mom's opinion. It's like, has your mom ever run a business? No. Okay, well, how can she tell you this is a crazy idea? You have this thing that's on your heart that you really want to do, but you're not doing it simply because you're worried about other people's perceptions of you.

9:19That's crazy. So you're going to live the rest of your life the way that other people want you to live and not do what you truly want to do because you're worried about other people's lack of acceptance for what it is that you want to do. Eventually, people adjust. Maybe they don't accept right away. Maybe they do have opinions right away. But in 10 years, when it's a success, they ain't going to say shit. They're going to be like, oh, I knew it was so smart for you to go and start that business. And so that's the first thing is you really need to start asking yourself, do I have a need for acceptance that's holding me back from changing my life, from doing what it is that I want to do?

9:57Do I think to myself, my wife won't like it if I go for this job instead of that job? Is your need for acceptance holding you back? It's like Jim Carey's famous quote. He says, your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world. You're just trying to fit in with everybody else. And so that's the first thing is your need for acceptance. And the second reason why this regret is so important for us to look at is because people don't know what they truly want. They don't know who they truly are. They don't know what they truly want. And so when you look at the number one regret of the dying, I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not what others expected of me, there's definitely the need for acceptance of there.

10:39And there's also a thing of like, what do I want? A lot of people that I speak to are full-on adults and they've been adults for years. And I ask them what they want. They're like, I don't know. I've never asked myself that. I'm like, you have to ask yourself, what is it you want? We rarely stop and ask ourselves, what do I want? And when we do, we still don't go for it a lot of times, right? We live a life based on what we think other people want from us and what we think that we should be based off of other people's perceptions of us. and in I'm not uh underestimating how scary it is to make a massive life change one of the scariest moments of my life was leaving my job to start my coaching business to really go full force of this you know I started this podcast in um April I'm sorry August of 2015 and uh about November of 2015, I was like, this isn't it for me.

11:38Like this is, I could stay here forever and be fine. I was getting over six figures base salary. I was getting commission and you know, I was 28 years old at the time. I was doing great, but I was like, I feel so fucking unfulfilled. And I started looking ahead and this is what people don't tend to do enough. Look ahead. Don't look at your past. Don't look right now, look ahead five more years, 10 more years and ask yourself, do I want to still be doing this? What would I feel about myself if I was still on this path that I'm on right now? Would I be happy with where my life is at? Or would it be even less fulfilled and more depressed and more anxious if I was still doing the same thing?

12:20And so at 28-ish years old, I looked at my manager and I said, I don't want her job. Like if I get promoted, I would get her job next. She would get promoted to something else. Do I want her job? And I was like, no, I don't want that job. I don't, I just don't want that. And so I remember how scary it was for me to the point where literally I quit my job. I left there. And then I was like, I, about a month into it was like, I don't know if I could do this. I'm terrified. I'm just so used to making money from other people and just salary coming in every two weeks that I don't know if I can do this.

12:55But I just kept forcing myself, just keep showing up, keep showing up. And so I had to leave because I could feel my soul slowly dying. And when I fast forwarded five more years, I was like, my soul will be more dead at that time. I could feel myself starting to slip into like a depression, starting to slip into bad habits that I didn't want. I was going out on the weekends because I was trying to numb myself with alcohol, with how much I didn't want to feel, how unhappy I was with my life. And luckily, I saw how painful the future was going to be, that change was not as painful as what the future will be.

13:37But what do you want is the question. You know, if money were no object, what would you be doing? What would the thing that would make you feel the most alive be? Like what makes you smile to think about? Do you know? If you do know, then make a transition plan. Figure out how you can stop doing what you are doing now and start doing the thing that you truly love and want to do. It doesn't have to happen like overnight. Some people are like, I have a mortgage. I have children. I have that. I'm like, I completely understand. But if you gave yourself a two-year runway, if you started saving up money, if you started building that business now on the weekends, could you be able to transition in two years?

14:11And so give yourself a transition time to be able to switch over to what it is that you truly do want to do. Now, if you don't know what it is that you want to do, that's where you're really going to have to start doing some soul searching. What do you want in your life? Don't underestimate the fact that you're going to die one day. And if you get to the end of your life and you take the actions that you want, you're going to probably be satisfied with what it is that you did while you're alive. If you don't do the things that you want, if you don't ask yourself the hard question, if you don't take the hard actions, then you're probably going to get to the end of your life and you're going to regret it.

14:45If you don't know what it is that you want to do, you need to search for it. As I always say, if you don't know your true purpose, that's okay right now. But it's not okay if you don't know your true purpose. It's not okay to wake up every single morning and not ask yourself that question. If you don't know what it is that you want, the first question you should ask yourself with coffee and a pen and paper is, what do I want in my life? What is something that I want to be passionate about? What is my purpose? You might not find it today or a month from now or two months from now or five months from now.

15:20Eventually, though, whatever you're looking for, you'll eventually find. And so you need to ask yourself until you figure out what that thing is that you want. What you need to do is you need to put yourself out there and do new things. Maybe you haven't found your passion yet because you've been doing the same things, same habits day in, day out for the past 10 years. Maybe you need to go try new things. Maybe you need to go new places. Maybe you go to, you know, travel to a new place. You need to go to networking events and meet different types of people. Maybe you should ask yourself, like, what are the things that I don't know a whole lot about but are kind of interesting to me?

15:50Like for me, I know that if I was not doing what I am doing now, and I was not in self-development, I was not in, which is my biggest passion and all this, I would probably be somebody who buys and resells watches because I just loved watches my entire life. Just do. I don't know why. It's a weird thing, but it's just a thing that I'm interested in. And so I would go to, you know, I'd go on a different websites and figure out what it is and research other people who are buying and reselling watches. And I would go over to, you know, watches and wonders that happens over in Geneva. And I would start to meet other people who are in the industry, because as you start to kind of jump in a little bit more, what seems like kind of a small sphere of the world ends up becoming this huge thing.

16:34And you meet new people and you find out about different things that you can do. Like when I first started to grow my business online, I knew nothing about how to make money online. No idea. So I researched it and I looked at articles online and I I started reading how other people were doing it. And then I started looking for networking groups inside of Austin that had to deal with it. Is there any networking groups in Austin where people make money online? And then I found a networking group in Austin and they had been around for like 10 years. And I went there and started meeting other people.

17:04And it was like this whole new world opened up to me because I put myself into a completely different environment. Completely different. I started meeting people and I was like, hold on. I remember, I remember one of the very first networking events that I went to with, with them. Um, it's called the internet marketing party. If you're in Austin, it's great. One of my friends, David owns it. I didn't know him at all, but he became a really good friend of mine. And David Gonzalez is a great guy. And, uh, I went there and I remember I was talking with this guy and I was for, I don't like going to networking events, but I was forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone.

17:37And I was talking to this guy, super shy, could barely make eye contact with me. and I started talking to him, see what he does. And he was running Facebook ads for, uh, for other people and getting a commission based off of how much money he brought in. And I was like, so, you know, like, what do you, what do you typically bring in, uh, per year? And he was like, oh yeah, I usually bring in about 300 ,000 a month. And I was like, I'm sorry, what this guy like could barely hold eye contact with me. Nice guy, but he could barely hold any eye contact with me. and he was making$3.6 million a year.

18:10And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And so a whole other world opened up again where I was like, wait, I thought you could only make like$5 ,000 a month. And this guy's making$300 ,000 a month. And so I want you to understand that once you start figuring out what it is that you want, whether it's a business, whether it's being home with your kids, it could be any of those things, start to dip your toes more into it, start to get more into what that world is. So same thing with me where I went to internet marketing parts, started meeting new people, I started reading articles, I started asking people if they want to go to coffee.

18:39I started making friends and then figure out what they were doing and birds of a feather flock together. So then you're the average of five people that you spend the most time with. I started spending more time with them so I could get more around them. And then I met a guy who was at, actually David introduced me to him, but we were in Orlando at an event. He sat down next to me. We started talking about watches because he was wearing a Hublot and we started talking about it. And I love watches. I'm like, so what do you do? And he explains what he does. And he's like a coach as well. and at that point in time my business was doing like four hundred thousand dollars a month and his was doing eight million dollars a month i'm sorry eight million dollars total so i was at sorry my business was at four hundred thousand dollars a year his is at eight million dollars a year and i was like hold on what the hell are you doing that i'm not doing and he became a mentor of mine and i started i went to started paying to be part of his mastermind i started learning from him and then we became friends and and all of that and traveled to different countries with I ended up going to his wedding down in Guatemala.

19:32And so all of these things started opening up as it's like, you get deeper, world opens up more. You get deeper, world opens up more. But the key part of this, and the reason why I'm going so in depth on this is because if you don't know what you want, you're never going to find it. And so you've got to start putting yourself out there and start doing new things. Now, if I had just stayed at home when I decided to start opening my business online, I wouldn't have met new people. I wouldn't have had new worlds open up to me. I wouldn't have met person after person after person after person that have all become mentors of my life in some sort of way.

20:00And I probably would have one 10th of the business if I was lucky that I currently have. And so it's like, it's not all about business. I don't want this podcast to be thinking about that. But what it really comes down to is like, what the fuck do you want in your life? What do you want it to be? What do you want to become of it? And you have to have the courage to follow it. You have to understand that you're not always going to be accepted. Like we talked about in the first bullet point, you're not always going to be accepted. That's okay. People will eventually catch up. When I first started this podcast, all of my friends made fun of me.

20:31You know, and now they're like, no, that was a good decision a long time ago. I'm like, yeah, back to 2015. And so I want you to understand, you're going to die. I'm going to die. I don't want to be morbid about it. But if it's going to happen, you might as well live a life that you love and not a life that is restricted because you wanted to do stuff that was expected of you from other people and not a life that is true to yourself. And so you need to get past your need for acceptance from other people. And number two, you need to find out what is it you truly want and who you truly want to be in this world.

21:05And if you do that, you're probably going to live a life that you love, which ultimately is all I really want for you. So if you love this podcast, I am excited to announce, if you haven't heard the previous episodes, I'm about to launch something that's called Mindset Mentor Plus. And it's going to be coming out very soon in the next couple of weeks. And it's really going to be, I've been just thinking about in my head for years, how do I help every single person who listens to this podcast become better in their own lives and to take each episode and go deeper in their own lives. And so each and every single episode of this podcast in Mindset Mentor Plus will come with detailed worksheets.

21:42And it's going to be coming with journal prompts. It's going to be coming with targeted assignments. It's going to help you dive deeper into every single episode so that therefore you're not just passively listening, but instead of being a listener, you're actually a participant in this podcast so that you can integrate every single thing that we talk about. So you not only hear it, but you actually implement it into your life. There's also going to be exclusive Q &A sessions with me. There's going to be a ton of other bonuses that come with it. There's a huge community of people that are Mindset Mentor listeners that you can actually connect with.

22:11You can find them, talk to them online through our platform that we have, or you could go meet up with them if they're local to you. and all of this is going to be less than you spend on coffee every single month, most likely. It's going to be way less than some of you guys who are addicted to coffee. People who are founding members get a 25 % discount. And so if you want to actually sign up to learn about it so you can get a discount and be one of the first to join, go to mindsetwaitlist.com and we will email you before it's announced in the podcast that you could join in and be a founding member.

22:39So once again, it is mindsetwaitlist.com and I'm excited about it when I get to announce it to you guys. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.