Don’t Die With Regret

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the mindset mentor podcast the number one mindset podcast in the entire world. Thanks to you guys. I'm your host Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so hit that subscribe button since you never miss another episode. And if you're out there, you're looking to get better at improving yourself and you want to do that through the act of journaling. I just created a free training. If you go to mindsetmentorjournal.com, it's absolutely free. And then part of that is I will send you daily emails for two weeks that are journaling questions to have you wake up in the morning and journal to see if you can start to discover yourself a bit more.

0:39So once again, if you want that for free, it's mindsetmentorjournal.com. Today, I'm going to be talking to you about getting to the end of your life and maybe having some regret. If you've been listening to this podcast long enough, you know that I think about death quite often and not in a morbid way, but I use death as a way to motivate me to get the most out of my life, to enjoy it more, to do more, to achieve more, to have more fun, to have more love, All of that. And so it's really important, I think, to look at what people are doing when they're at the end of their life and think like, hey, what did they do well?

1:16What did they think was good? What did they think was bad? And how can I learn from that? Because just as Tony Robbins always says, success leaves clues, I think that failure also leaves clues. I think that regret leaves clues as well. And so there was a book that was written years ago called The Five Regrets of the Dying. and I've brought this book up many times in this podcast, but over an eight-year period, there was a lady who worked in hospice care. And hospice is basically when someone's terminally ill. They're going to die. They know that they're going to die. And over eight years, this nurse worked with people and she got really close relationships with some of them.

1:52And as they were towards the end of their life, they started sharing some secrets with her and they started sharing happiness and love stories and amazing things, but they also shared a lot of regrets. and so she wrote a book on the five regrets that she heard the most and I think it's really important for us to know because if we can if success leaves clues then regret and failure also leaves clues so why don't we listen to these people who went through their entire life and were at their deathbeds and went I wish I would have done something different so that we can make sure that we don't do the same things that they did and so the first one and the most common one was that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me.

2:28This is the most common one is that I wished I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. Isn't that crazy? Most people live lives that allows them just to fit in. They don't follow their passions because they're too afraid of what other people might think or say. When I ask people what their biggest fears are, one of the biggest fears that almost always comes up is a fear of rejection. And so a lot of times what people will do is they will do what society or what their parents or what other people think that they should be doing and not actually follow their passions.

3:04They want to be an artist or they want to be a musician, but their mom thinks that they should be an accountant because you can't make any money as an artist. So then they become an accountant and their dreams slowly die. And so the main regret is not having lived a life that was true to themselves. Isn't that crazy to, isn't it crazy that we allow what other people think of us to come in the way of what we truly want. And it's like, we just kind of fit in a lot of times. And, you know, it's like that, that Jim Carrey quote that says, your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world.

3:38And so how can you look at this and be like, what is it that I want? Not what my mom wants, not what my father wants, not what society wants, not what my spouse swans, like, what do I want to do with my life? You know, we have one life, at least, you know, maybe there's a heaven, maybe there's a hell, maybe there's reincarnation, maybe there's not, I don't know. I've never been through any of those things. But I do know that I am here and I am Rob Dial in this moment. And I know that I have this one shot in this life. And so we have one life and we're floating on this tiny little rock through infinite amounts of space, through trillions and trillions and trillions of stars and planets and all kinds of other stuff.

4:19And we let some other people's opinions or thoughts of us stop us from doing the one thing that we want to do in this life. Isn't that fucking crazy? If you think about it, not even, and usually the people who you're, you're, whose opinions you're worried about, if you look at their life, you're like, yeah, their life isn't even that great. Right? So like, if you didn't want to trade places with them, Why are you going to take their advice? You know, and there was a lady that was named Grace that she was talking about. And the lady was one of the ones that regretted of not living a life that was true to herself.

4:52And she said to the author, she said, live true to your own heart. Don't ever worry about what other people think. Promise me that before I die. And so when we look at this, what can we learn from it? Knowing that if you're listening to this and I'm speaking this, that we're currently still alive. We need to figure out what it is that we want in our lives. We need to figure out, first off, what is it we want, and then we need to actually live life on our terms. Not hurt people or push people away or do any of that type of stuff, but it's like, hey, we want to live a life that's on our terms. If people don't like it, hell with them.

5:22That's just the way that it goes. This is your one shot at life. Do what you're passionate about. Do what you want to do. What is in the back of your mind that you've been thinking about for so long, but you just haven't had the courage to do? If you can't stop thinking about it, don't stop working for it. Figure out what is the thing? You're 50 years old and you had this passion when you were 23 years old and you gave it up for whatever reason. Can you start to rediscover it? And so that's the first thing is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me.

5:54Second one is that I wish I wouldn't have worked so hard. You know, and this is a, she said in the book that a lot of, this is what she heard from a lot of men. And although, you know, I do really speak about working hard, I do love the fact that you can work hard and create your dreams and everything. There does need to be balance at some point in time. You know, I did an episode a little while ago where I was talking about how, yeah, I worked 110 hours a week for three years. And I realized that's not life because life is what is outside of work. And so what was really sad is she talks about a man who worked really hard for 15 years with a company so that he could save for retirement so that him and his wife could go travel.

6:35And then when he was supposed to retire, he decided to stay one more year just to make sure that they had enough money saved. He figured, hey, I've worked for 15 years. What's one more year? My wife and I, we still got years left. I'm going to go and get one more year, and then I'm going to retire, and then my wife and I are going to go travel. And she waited his whole time that he was working when he was finally going to retire. And then three months before that final year that was the extra bonus final year, three months before the final year was over, she died. And him and his wife never got to travel.

7:13And he was filled with so much grief because all she wanted to do was travel with him and to experience life with him. and they should have done it for nine months, but he decided to delay it an extra year and they never got their traveling and she died three months before. And so he was, when he was at the end of his life, he was really sad because he said, man, I have this, I had this woman that was just waiting for me to travel and she was so excited and she wanted to experience life with me and she didn't because I wanted to work harder. I wanted to make more money. I wanted to feel like I achieved more.

7:47And so he's talking about how he had this wonderful woman that waited so patiently for him to retire. And then he was sitting there dying by himself. And so it's just something to think about where it's like, work hard when you're supposed to work hard, sure. But also don't make your work your life. So what can we learn from this? It's okay to love what you do. It's okay to work hard. It's okay to be really passionate about something. But you also have to just know that you have to have balance. Your work is not your life. Your life is what happens outside of your work. Also, don't work hard just for material things.

8:17Like Never let buying a material thing be a driver in your life. Don't be like, you know what? I'm gonna spend less time with my family so I can get a nicer car or so I can get a nicer house. It's like Fight Club, that phrase. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes and working jobs that we hate so we can buy stuff that we don't need. And so that's how we can learn from it. A little bit of balance, yeah, sure, work hard, but also make sure that you live your life. So that's the second one. Number three was that I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. And in this, she actually gives an example of a man who she took care of who was a Holocaust survivor.

8:53And he went through so much in the Holocaust that what he learned was to put up walls and to not fully let people in. And he realized at the end of his life, he was really sad because he felt like he never really let anybody in. He just kept his armor up all the time. And he was really regretting because he felt like his wife and his children never really knew who he was. and in turn he also felt like he didn't really know who he was and so he's at the end of his life and he saw yeah the holocaust was a terrible thing that he had to go through but then he actually carried it with him and what he learned from the holocaust and put up these walls in this armor and didn't fully let people in and that was a really big regret of his of like you know what i wish i would have let my wife know who i am i wish i let my children know who i really am and so he regretted not being vulnerable with them and letting his true self out and so what can we learn from this when we look at it?

9:44Well, you know, we live in a society, especially speaking as a man, where a lot of times we're told our feelings aren't valid. This isn't just from a man's perspective. It also happens with women as well. But, you know, we're taught our feelings aren't valid. We're taught that we're supposed to shut up and just get stuff done and not pay attention to it. But what happens is we end up, you know, going through life and getting scars. And a lot of times when we get scars, we put up armor to protect ourselves. And the word vulnerability actually means to, when you look at the root word in Greek, actually means the ability to be wounded.

10:16And so we have to understand that, yeah, we need to open ourselves up. We have to open ourselves up to everybody and be vulnerable to everybody. But are there some people who you trust, who you know, have your best intentions in life that, that really want the best for you, that you can show your true self to, that you can fully express and not hold it all in. And so that was number three is that I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Number four is that I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. And so the author had all of these people that were at the end of their lives. And as they were at the end of their lives, they started thinking about how many people that they knew that they haven't seen in so long that weren't showing up to say goodbye to them.

10:53And they thought, man, I wish I would have stayed in touch with my friends. And a lot of them said that they worked so hard that they actually lost touch with the friends who mattered the most. And they were lonely at the end of their lives because they let those friendships slip away and they gave up the friendships to work. You know, they got busy with work. They got busy with family, raising children, and they regretted not keeping in touch with some of their friends and letting everyday life come ahead of some of those friendships. So it's not like you don't have to have a list of 30 people that you need to stay in touch with, but do you have like a core group of people who actually you want to stay in touch with that maybe you've lost touch with?

11:31Like I know that a lot of you listening right now, you're going, damn, there's this one person And I haven't talked, we've sent some text messages, we've sent some funny memes to each other over the past couple of years, but we haven't really like had face-to-face time. And I'd really like to rebuild that relationship. Can you reach out to them today? And so when we look at this, what can we learn from it? Let's stay in touch with the people who matter the most. You know, when you get all of the money in the world, you won't be able to buy those people back if those people are out of your lives.

12:01If they die, you won't be able to pull them back with all of the money, all the billions of dollars you can make. You know, and so let's not let everyday life and working and family get so busy that it gets in the way of other relationships, right? So who's a friend that you miss that you haven't seen in a while? Reach out to them today. Do it. Do it right now. Take your phone out. Send them a text. Hey, how's everything going? We're just thinking about you. We should talk soon. Go get some coffee if they're local or we should do FaceTime if they live in another city. So reach out to them today.

12:28Actually, reach out to them right now as you're listening to me. Find some time to talk and work on becoming close again. And then the fifth one, which is really just a sad one and interesting one, is that I wish I let myself be happier. This one's really challenging because, you know, with advertisements constantly telling us that we're not good enough, we're not smart enough, we're not thin enough, we're not pretty enough. We don't have the right cars and clothes and houses and we're not enough until we buy all the shit that they have. It's easy to think that we're not enough and not allow ourselves to be happy.

12:58The great thing about happiness, and I've really been focusing a lot, me personally, as of recently, on my happiness. And the great thing about it is that happiness is a choice. And this isn't some bullshit, lofty, fairy dust sprinkling phrase that I'm using. Happiness is really a choice. Like there's some moments where I can find myself getting like deep, dark into thoughts and like, oh my God, I got so much shit and this thing's wrong in the business and this thing's wrong here and all this stuff. and then take a step back and I can notice some stress and I'm like, yeah, but life's fucking amazing.

13:31Like, and I'll go outside and it's not based off of how much money is in my bank account or the people around me. I just look and I'm like, man, it's beautiful. It's a sunny day. I have food in my stomach. I have water. I have a couple of people who love me. And it's like, when you take yourself out of it, it's like, oh yeah, you know what? Things are really good. And as we try to, we, we, we achieve, we, we strive to achieve and achieve and achieve. A lot of times the achievement, because the thing that we're working towards, we're not there yet. We feel like I'm not good enough yet because I'm not there yet.

14:02And so we can allow ourselves to be happy and grateful at any moment and realize that what we currently have is enough. And we can learn to be grateful for all those things. We can learn to love ourselves through self-talk and learn to let go of the past and forgive ourselves for things that have happened. and forgive other people so that we can let go of that anger that's still inside of us. Because we can't change anything that's from the past, but we can learn from it. And we can't decide to be grateful and be happy where we currently are. And there's so many people that get to the end of their lives and wish that they would have let themselves be happier.

14:36That's the actual phrase in the book is that I wish I had let myself be happier. Not I wish I was happier. I wish I let myself have been happier. You know, and I've always heard Ram Dass say it, but like he always says, death is like taking off a tight shoe, which is like, we're so, we're so just, you know, white knuckling our way through life sometimes when sometimes we just need to take a deep breath, just kind of chill a little bit. And so what can we learn from this? Make a list of things that make you happy. You know, I've said this many times in the podcast, I had a friend that was in really deep depression and years after I met him, he was already out of the depression and he had built a successful business and he's just got done writing a book, all these cool things.

15:19And he had said a phrase that I don't think I'll ever forget. And he says, I will not let my happiness or my depression be left up to chance. And so what he did is he made this thing called a happy list and all these things that make him happy, the biggest things or smallest things. And he would look at his happy list every single morning and he would look at his schedule and he would say, how can I schedule in some of these things to make me happy? And then he just became happier as he started doing it. So it's a choice. So what can we do to start bringing more things that make us happy? And so these are the five things that people die with, with regrets.

15:50If we really want to be smart, why don't we try to avoid these things? Why don't we try to make our life be better by knowing, you know, this is what people have died with and have regrets. So the first one is I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. Number two is that I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Number three is that I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Number four is that I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. And number five is that I wish I had let myself be happier. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.

16:19If you love this episode, please do me a favor right now. Take out your phone. Share this on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that this podcast grows, the only way that we impact more people's lives is from you guys actually sharing it from grassroots. So if you'd share it on your Instagram anytime that you hear an episode that you like, it allows more people to be able to find this podcast. and so I would greatly greatly appreciate if you do that so with that I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode make it your mission make someone else's day better I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day