How to Command Respect

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you would definitely love getting some text messages from me throughout the week. I text mindset tips and tricks to people who live in the United States or Canada because that's what I'm allowed to text to. So if you want some text messages, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm going to talk about how to command respect from other people because we all want to be respected, but respect is not something that you just get because you exist.

0:50I wish that it was, but it's not. It's actually something that you command by every action that you take. You need to know with every action that you take, you're teaching people how to treat you and how to talk to you every single day through your energy, through your boundaries, through your follow through by how you show up as a human. And I promise you this, fixing this one piece, this one thing will change so many things in your life. And so today I'm going to give you the exact mindset, but also the behavior shifts that create an unshakable self-respect and a presence that feels magnetic to other people.

1:28And it's not just about becoming somebody else. It's about finally acting like you matter and standing in your truth more than anything else. And when you do that, people will feel it. And so I want you to think about someone in your life who you deeply respect. Like just think about it. What's someone who you deeply respect? They're probably not the loudest person. They're probably not loud at all. They're probably not the most agreeable person. They're not a pushover. They're not a people pleaser. They might not be the nicest person, but they are probably the most centered person. They're probably the most clear on who they are.

2:07And they're probably the most grounded person in who they are as well. It's a person that holds themselves to a standard. They know who they are. They're going to hold themselves to a standard and they know what their boundaries are. They're somebody who's kind, but they're not weak in any sort of way. They might be direct in how they communicate with you and what they say, but they're not harsh in the way they do it. You know, and they're firm in their boundaries, but they're not closed off at all, right? And so they probably don't chase approval of other people. They probably are rooted deeply in who they are.

2:44And that might be one of the reasons why you really respect them the most. And so the truth is, you don't get respect from other people by asking for it. You don't get respect from other people by forcing them to respect you. You get respect from other people by knowing who you are, knowing what's important to you, knowing what your boundaries are, and then embodying that version of you. You become the kind of person that you will look up to once you start to do that. And so a really important part of this conversation is to talk about the difference between nice versus kind. You really need to know the difference between the two.

3:24And so let's clear it up. When I say nice, being nice is not the same thing as being kind. They're very, very different. Nice is often about appeasing other people. Being nice is a lot of times avoiding discomfort. It is keeping the peace even when something needs to be said. It is, you know, I need to act a certain way. So I'm going to push down my truth so that I make other people feel comfortable. You know, nice says something like, you know, I'll just say yes, even though I want to say no. So you don't feel bad. You know, I'll shrink a little bit just so you're comfortable around me. Or I won't speak up.

4:07I won't speak my truth because I don't want to seem like I'm rude in any sort of way. But do you know what that builds within yourself? Resentment. You start resenting yourself for how you're acting. Confusion, because you're not really sure, like, who am I? I said I wanted to be this way, and now I'm acting this way in front of other people. It also builds a lack of respect from other people and a lack of self-respect from yourself because you're giving away your power to other people. like people do not respect someone who constantly betrays themselves so that they don't ruffle anybody else's feathers so that's what being nice is like being kind on the other side is rooted in strength kindness is clear kindness is direct kindness is honest kindness you know says, I love you enough to tell you the truth.

5:03I care about you and I care about myself, but I'm going to call you out on your bullshit. This matters, so I'm going to speak up. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself anymore. Or I won't let you overstep my boundaries because my own self-respect is one of the most important things in my life. Here's how I like to think about it. Nice is kind of like the pushover and kind is kind of like the tough uncle energy. Like you probably have like somebody in your life like this, like that you've seen before. It's like a tough uncle or maybe a grandpa or maybe your grandma is like this. Maybe your dad, your mom, I don't know who it is, but it's like, I always think of like the tough uncle energy.

5:43Like, you know, he loves you. You know, he loves you deeply, cares about you, but you also know that he is going to call you out on your bullshit when you're out of alignment. He is the one who will tell you the truth and he won't let you sabotage your life on his watch. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. The thing that's important about that is that you need to understand, like I'll give you a good example that pops up in my life. I remember somebody in my life who has tough uncle energy is my cousin Jason, right? He's 18 years older than I am. And I remember back in 2011, I had just started a job like six months ago and we were at a family event.

6:28We're catching up and he's like, how's life? He's like, how's your new job? I was like, that's pretty good. He's like, do you love it? And I go, I don't know if I necessarily love it. He goes, you should quit. I was like, what? He's like, yeah, you should quit and like go backpack Europe for a few months. Like just be by yourself. And I was like, something about that resonated. I was like, oh my God, that feels like something I should do. And so for the next year. I saved up all my money. And then the summer of 2012, I went and backpacked Europe for three months, quit my job, backpacked Europe for three months by myself.

6:58And it was like, it wasn't like he was sugarcoating it. He was telling me what I should do to change my life. And I respected that. Right. And so that's what I want you to understand is like kindness commands respect. Like nobody think about it. Nobody really respects somebody that just lays down for other people. Nobody respects somebody who doesn't have a backbone. Nobody respects somebody who's just constantly people-pleasing. People respect somebody who is themselves, someone who is powerful, not because they force other people to do what they want, but because they know who they are and they are very clear on what's important to them and they are not willing to bend on that for anybody.

7:42That type of person is a type of person that people respect. The other thing that's important you have to understand to be really respected by other people is you have to teach people how to treat you. You have to teach people how to talk to you. You don't realize it with people in your life, especially people that have been there for a long time, like your parents, everything that you do is you're teaching people how to talk to you. If you're letting people overstep your boundaries or say stuff to you and not saying something back in a kind but firm way, you're teaching them how to talk to you.

8:17You're teaching them how to treat you. And so this is a truth that most people really miss is you have to understand people are unconsciously taking notes on how you show up all the time. If you apologize just for existing, then they're going to believe that you're not worth very much. Not consciously, but unconsciously, it's just going to kind of be like that because you don't even really think you're worth very much, right? If you bend every time somebody applies pressure to you and they see you as somebody who's easy to sway, they probably won't respect that. If you like over give or over explain or over apologize or overextend yourself, they will expect that from you and they will always ask for more.

9:03And so the way that you show up, your energy is teaching them Your response to everything that you do is teaching them. How you show up is teaching other people. Like you don't, this is a, I kind of was curious if I should like actually use the word command when I said command respect, because people think like commanding is like, you need to respect me. That's not what I'm trying to say. Like you don't need a loud voice to command respect from other people. What you need is to be grounded in yourself and your self-respect. People, you have to understand this, will not treat you better than you treat yourself.

9:48Ultimately, in the long run, they will not. They will not treat you better than you treat yourself. So, how do you treat yourself? Like, if you don't believe that you're worth protecting and your time is worth protecting, why should somebody else? If you don't think your time matters, like why would they honor it? If you don't respect yourself at a deep level, why the hell would anybody else respect you? So people treat you based on the standards that you set. Like, do you know what your standards are of yourself, of your life, of your relationships, of everything? Or are you just kind of coasting through life?

10:30Like, who are you? Like, have you really thought about like, who are you? Who do you want to be? What is acceptable? What is unacceptable in your life? What are the standards that you're going to hold yourself to? Like, you need to sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself some really tough questions. Who do I want to be? What do I believe? What is the hill that I'm willing to die on? You need to discover who you are, who you want to be, and be extremely firm in that. People respect people, not because they agree with them, but because they can see that that other person is grounded deeply in themselves and what they believe.

11:10And they learn, I'm not going to overstep that. That is what respect looks like. Also, another really big piece of this is discovering your boundaries. Like your boundaries are also another way that you really train people how to act around you and how you really start to command respect from other people. So many people have no boundaries. Like they don't know what their boundaries are. They are not clear on their boundaries. They're like, ah, that person pisses me off. They don't know why it pisses them off. Like if you're not very, very clear on what your boundaries are, people will overstep them all the time.

11:46And you won't really feel like they respect you because they're overstepping your boundaries. But think about it for a second. You cannot blame them for overstepping your boundaries because they have no idea what your boundaries are because they haven't been communicated to them. Why? Because you have no idea what your boundaries are. Like, do you see the insanity of that? And so boundaries are really simple. Boundaries are just instructions for how to be in a relationship with you. That's it. And a relationship is just two people relating to each other. That's all it comes down to. They're not walls.

12:23They're not ultimatums. They're not drama. They're not forcing other people to be a certain way. They're just saying, hey, this is what I believe in. This is what I'm available for. Here's what works for me. Here's what doesn't work for me. And standing firm in that. And when you say it clearly and you say it calmly, people will feel your clarity. And you have to understand, this is the interesting thing about it. Like you have to, number one, get really, really clear on what your boundaries are. Number two, you need to communicate them clearly to the other person as clearly as you possibly can, like the least amount of words.

12:59And number three, you have to understand that people will overstep your boundaries over and over again. So you have to stay firm in those boundaries and you will start to treat like teach people how to treat you and how to talk to you. And once you start to, they start to see like this person has a backbone, people respect that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not okay with that. Saying no is important. And you know what else? Saying no is magnetic. Like people think other people want them to always say yes to them. People don't want you to always say yes to you. Like they want you to say yes to them.

13:30No one respects someone who is just a yes man. Someone who doesn't respect themselves. Someone who has no backbone. People respect somebody who's okay with saying no. Like when someone sees you protect your time, your peace, your energy, they start to value it more and they respect it more. When you protect those things that I'm talking about, it's showing other people I respect myself. And people respect people who respect themselves. And it's not about being rigid. It's just about being rooted. That's really what it comes down to, rooted in who you are. Like the person who can say no with love or the person who respects their own time or doesn't need to convince anybody else of their worth or like the person who doesn't gossip, the person who doesn't flinch when they're challenged, like that person gets respect, right?

14:21And respect is really built, and a lot of times in small moments. Everybody wants respect. I get it. Everybody wants it. But respect isn't given. Respect is earned in the tiny, almost invisible moments in your life. Showing up on time. People respect that. When you stop showing up on time and you're 15 minutes late every time you go somewhere, people lose respect for you. So you show up on time when you keep your word to yourself, when you keep your word to other people, when you do the right thing, even when it's hard, when you sit around and you're the type of person who will not gossip about other people, when you're doing what you said you would do, even when no one else is watching.

15:01People respect that. And those are good habits, of course. Yeah. But they're not just good habits. They're not just good habits. they're how you become someone that you trust and then others trust as well and so here's the real deal consistency in who you are like if you show up like you guys all know somebody who shows up one way one day and shows up another way and today they're happy today they're emotional today they're they're pissed off today they're angry it's like you don't know who you're gonna see the next day. That's hard. But when you show up as the rooted trust, like the trustable person, people connect to that.

15:45So consistency in who you are is what makes people feel safe around you. And that safety creates trust. And that trust is the root of respect. And so it's like, you don't need to be perfect. I want you to understand. You don't have to be perfect and everything. But if you say you're going to do something, just do it. If you mess up, don't blame other people. Just own it. Yeah, I messed up. That was my mistake. If you can't do something that you said you're going to do, communicate it early. If, hey, how about this? If you don't know, just say you don't know. People don't respect people to just make stuff up.

16:21People respect people like, hey, honestly, I don't know. That level of integrity, like real integrity, is what makes people trust you. That's what makes people respect you. And that level of integrity is, especially nowadays, is extremely, extremely rare in this world. And trust me, people notice it. And so you have to ask yourself, like, get out a pen and paper and do a full audit on yourself. Like, where am I? Who am I? Who do I want to be? What are my boundaries? Get really clear on who you are. And then ask yourself questions like, where am I teaching people to dismiss me? Like, where do I need to clean up certain areas of my life?

17:02Where am I being nice instead of kind? What would kind me look like? Where have I been inconsistent with my word? Where are my standards too low and I need to raise them? And then what you want to do is just find one thing that you can change this week. You don't have to overhaul every single thing, but if you can get one solid change and keep it, that's the foundation of commanding respect. And so when I say command, Once again, I almost didn't put that word in here because it's not loud. It's not desperate. It doesn't beg. It just starts with how you view yourself, what's important to you, and how you communicate with other people and who you actually decide that you're going to be and not be in this world.

17:43So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you wanna learn more about coaching with me outside the podcast, go to coachwithrob.com. Once again, coachwithrob.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.