How to Eliminate Your Self-Sabotage

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1:36Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. And if you want to finish 2026 strong and make 2027 the absolute best that you can, I created a full 120-day roadmap to help you finish this year strong and hit the ground running for 2027. It's a 23-page workbook with exercises, journaling prompts, weekly check-ins, and a daily tracker to keep you accountable. I'm giving you the plan. I'm giving you the system. All you have to do is actually do it. If you want to get it absolutely free, go to the120plan.com.

2:14Once again, the120plan.com. Download it for free and let's crush the end of this year. Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to become the person that takes action and creates a life that they want. So give me a few minutes and I'm going to show you how to eliminate your self-sabotage because we all do it in some way. You start to take action. You start to make some sort of progress. Things are actually working and then you suddenly procrastinate. You overthink. You lose motivation and somehow you find a way to mess it all up and end up right back where you started, right? And you think to yourself like, what the hell is wrong with me?

2:51But I actually want you to know nothing is wrong with you. Your brain is intentionally pulling you backwards because the person that you are becoming is starting to threaten the person you've always believed yourself to be. So today we're going to uncover three different things. Number one, why self-sabotage exists in the first place, because the actual mechanism, if you can understand the actual mechanism of self-sabotage, then you can better understand how to beat it. Number two, we're going to talk about the thing that actually kills self-sabotage. And number three, the exact playbook that your mind uses against you and how to catch it in real time.

3:26So let's get into it. Here's the first thing that you need to understand about why self-sabotage exists in the first place. Self-sabotage is not some character flaw. We all have it. It's not a defect. It's just basically a strategy that your brain uses to protect you. Let me explain what I mean by that. It is protecting your identity. And your identity is just a collection of beliefs that you have about yourself and who you think you are. And it has one job to just basically keep consistent with itself and to keep you exactly where you are. and any change to that is threatening to your identity.

4:06And so back in 1957, a psychologist at Stanford named Leon Festinger gave us the idea of this thing in psychology called cognitive dissonance. And here's basically what he found. When your actions and your beliefs about yourself don't match, your brain registers that as a threat and it creates internal discomfort and it will do whatever it has to do to resolve that discomfort. For some reason, it feels really uncomfortable to do something that is outside of what you believe about yourself. And that is causing cognitive dissonance. Your brain registers it as a threat and it creates that discomfort to try to make you stop doing what you're doing so you go back to normal.

4:55And there's basically only two ways to resolve it, okay? Number one is to change the belief about who you are. Or number two is to change the behavior that you're taking right now. Which one do you think is easier? To change a belief or to change a behavior? Because changing a belief is extremely hard. It's slow. It's uncomfortable. It takes years to change a belief about yourself. We're talking about changing the foundation of who you think you are. Does that sound easy to do? No. So your brain does the easy thing. It just changes the behavior and it pulls you back to normal. Stop doing the thing that's making you better and come back to who you've always been.

5:33It's like a thermostat in your house. If it gets too hot in your house, it eventually clicks on in the system and it just drags it back to where it was set to. And so when you realize that this is the way that you do this, that you didn't do anything wrong, that you just never actually change the setting. Oh, well then now I know the reason why self-sabotage exists. And so here's like the line I really want you to get into your bones. You don't self-sabotage because you don't want it. You self-sabotage because you got close enough to threaten who you think you are. You self-sabotage because you're actually close to real legitimate change in your life.

6:18Holy shit. Like that'll make you think about self-sabotage differently, won't it? And so what is it that kills self-sabotage? It's discipline. Self-sabotage does not stand a chance against a disciplined person. And so let me dive into a couple different things that you need to understand about discipline in self-sabotage and how they relate to each other, okay? Discipline is the highest form of self-love. Discipline has a bad connotation. You got disciplined when you did something wrong. You broke a rule, you got disciplined. You messed up at school, you got disciplined. But I want you to think about something, okay?

6:54You have never in your life needed discipline to do something that was bad for you. Nobody has to talk themselves into scrolling for two hours. No one sets an alarm to sleep in, right? Nobody needs an accountability partner to skip the gym. All that stuff happens by itself. Discipline is only ever required to do things that are good for you. And so think about what that actually means. Discipline is not punishment, which is kind of the feeling that that word has behind it, right? Discipline is the mechanism that you use to give yourself a better life. So in that case, discipline is the highest form of self-love.

7:44Honestly, I don't think we should use the word discipline anymore. That's just the common word that we use. We should really call it self-accountability. Think about it for a second. How would you treat somebody you actually love? You would make sure that they're taking care of themselves. You would make sure that they ate well. You would make sure that they didn't just sit in a life that's slowly killing them, right? You'd push them a little bit because you know that they're capable of more and you want to help them live to their potential. You'd give them words of affirmation to live up to their potential and not waste it.

8:16All of that is care. And that's exactly what self-discipline looks like when you point it at yourself instead of somebody else. So do it for you because it's good for you, even if it's not easy, right? The next thing you got to understand is like discipline creates temporary restriction that gets you permanent freedom. So like a lot of people I know look at discipline, they're like, oh, but discipline creates so much restriction. It creates restriction in the now to create freedom later on in life. And we will be right back. Now that school is underway, families have a better sense of where kids are thriving and where they may need a little extra support.

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11:56There is restriction in that. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it doesn't. You know, saying no to the thing that you want right now is a restriction. Getting up when it's dark and cold outside is a restriction. You know, not eating a A pint of ice cream before bed is a restriction, but it's temporary. And every single piece of freedom that you will ever have later on in life will come from temporary restrictions that you place on yourself today. Financial freedom comes from being disciplined with money that you wanted to spend. Physical freedom is moving without pain in your 50s and 60s and 70s comes from being disciplined to move your body in your 20s and 30s and 40s.

12:41Freedom in your business in five years comes from being disciplined to lock in and do the things that are challenging right now in your business today. That's the whole thing. Temporary restriction creates freedom in the future. Life is either easy now and hard later or hard now and easy later. You're gonna pay either way, but I think you should probably pay now with a little bit of discomfort or pay later with a life that you didn't choose. Now, when you look at how this relates to self-sabotage, the thing I want you to understand, like the problem is that the second you decide to become disciplined, your identity is going to fight you, right?

13:23It's not going to just walk up to you and say like, hey, I don't want you to change. Like it's way smarter than that. And it uses strategies. And so you've got to understand the strategies of your identity that is self-sabotage to keep you in the exact same place when you start to become more disciplined, right? So like I'll list them out for you because I want you to recognize them by name. These are strategies of your old identity to keep you stuck, ready? Overthinking, overwhelm, procrastination, negative self-talk, self-doubt, perfectionism, comparison, distraction, busy work, where you do all of the little things, but you never actually do the big thing.

14:06Endless research and consumption, right? Like reading another book, listening to another podcast, doing another course and not actually taking real action in your life. Like waiting for the perfect time. If you say like, oh, I'll start on Monday or I'll start on January 1st or I'll start when things calm down in my life, right? Now, when you look at all of those things, what do they have in common? Every single one of them fills your mind right now. Every single one of them keeps you busy right now inside your own head. None of them require you to take action. And that's the whole trick. This is how self-sabotage runs your life.

14:47That's the secret. That's the whole entire thing. It makes your mind so preoccupied that you can't move. And when you can't move, nothing changes. And when nothing changes, you stay exactly where you are, which is exactly what your identity wanted you to do the entire time. Gotcha. Self-sabotage. And so when you're overwhelmed, because a lot of people are like, oh, I'm so overwhelmed. That's not a scheduling problem. When you're overthinking, that's not an intelligence problem. When you're procrastinating, it's not like a personality defect or something. They are strategies of the identity to keep you stuck.

15:27There's a researcher in Carleton University named Tim Pritchard who spent his entire career studying procrastination. And what he found is that procrastination is an emotional regulation problem. Okay, what does that mean in plain English? You're not putting it off and procrastinating because you don't know how to plan your day. That's not why you're procrastinating. You're putting it off and procrastinating because doing the thing makes you feel something that you don't want to feel. It is the discomfort from the cognitive dissonance. You're trying not to feel that discomfort that your brain and body are making you feel and procrastinating makes that feeling go away right now.

16:15Whoa, like do you really get that? If you need to rewind and listen to that whole thing again. So you have to understand the procrastination, the not doing what you need to do, all of that stuff, it's the system. It's working exactly how it's designed to do to keep you safe. And safe means in the exact same position that you currently are. And once you understand that this is how it works, that these are the strategies of the identity to keep you stuck, aka self-sabotage, then you can stop identifying with them. You can see them as strategies that keep you stuck, and then you can separate yourself from them and start working past them.

16:50And so when you notice, oh my gosh, I am procrastinating, or I'm doing some sort of strategy of the ego, what do you do? You name it. Out loud, if you can. Write it down with a pen and paper to make it even more powerful. When you notice that one of these strategies is running, say what is happening when it is happening. Oh, I am procrastinating. This is a strategy of the identity. Now it's not I'm a procrastinator. It's just a behavior that I'm noticing. I'm noticing the strategy. Oh, I'm talking to myself like garbage right now. This is a strategy of the identity to keep me stuck. Oh, I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now.

17:29This is a strategy of the identity to keep me stuck. Oh, I'm about to open four more tabs to research something that I already know how to do. All right. This is a strategy of the identity to keep me stuck. And it sounds simple, but I want you to understand why this is important, right? Because you cannot fight a thought when you're inside of that thought. You have to disconnect yourself. You need distance from that thought. Like for instance, right now, most people don't think like, oh, I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough. No, they actually think I'm not good enough. There's no space in there when it's an identity and it's not just a strategy and a behavior I'm noticing.

18:09There's no space to remove yourself from it. They're not watching the thought. They think they are the thought. And so the second that you name it, you create this separation between you and it. You go from being like in the storm to being the person that's watching the storm. That tiny little gap, that's where your power lies. Because in that gap, you get to choose what you want to do next. And if it is you, then you don't get to choose. You cannot be different. But if it's not you, then you can choose to be different. Do you get that? Like the feeling is still going to be there. The overwhelm doesn't magically evaporate because you named it, but it stops being the truth and it starts being like weather.

18:51There's just kind of like passing through, right? And then the next thing that you do in order to get past this self-sabotage and start working past it is very simple. Take the next step to being disciplined. Okay. Right after you name it, you have to move because naming it without action doesn't free you at all. So you have to name it. Oh, I'm noticing myself procrastinating right now. This is a strategy of the identity to keep me stuck. And then what you do now that you've separated yourself from it, instead of saying I'm a procrastinator or I'm procrastinating, you notice the behavior, you notice the strategy, you do the smallest possible version of the thing to get you free.

19:32And you ask yourself one question, What does my identity not want me to do right now? And just find what that is. What does my identity not want me to do right now? And then you do it. You just take a tiny step in the right direction and start giving yourself a little bit of momentum. And what you do is as you start taking action in a direction that's not normal for you, you start collecting data and evidence of the new identity that you're creating. So you just take small steps in a direction that threatens your old identity. and strengthens the new identity of who you need to become to create the life that you want.

20:09And if you do this day in, day out, day in, day out, you notice your old version of yourself, you name it, you work past it. You notice the old version of yourself, you name it, you work past it. You see the self-sabotage for what it is, which is just a strategy of the identity, and you take different actions long enough, your identity has to shift. And don't get me wrong, it's going to take some time. But if you can start to shift your identity little by little by little by little, then the internal self-sabotage will not happen anymore. Why? The reason why it won't happen is because self-sabotage only occurs when your old identity is trying to pull you back.

20:46If you're gaining enough evidence for the new identity, the old identity starts to fall away. And so the real true way that you overcome procrastination, discipline, naming it, and just working past the strategies of the identity to start building the new identity, the old identity has to fall off and then self-sabotage naturally starts to disappear. So that's what I got for you for today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. If you're ready to finish 2026 strong, once again, download my free 23-page workbook with exercises, journaling prompts, weekly check-ins, and a daily tracker to keep you accountable to finishing this year strong to make 2027 the best year of your life.

21:29You can get it for free at the120plan.com. Once again, the120plan.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day. This podcast is supported by NERTECH ODT. Remedipant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take NERTEK. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults.

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