How to Learn from Pain

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're gonna be talking about how to make sure that you not only get through the hard times in your life, but how you actually grow and make sure that you get better every single time you go through a hard time. Because I don't know if you're starting to feel this way, but the older that I get, the more I realize that life is beautiful, life is hard, life is a shit show, life is up and down it's terrible sometimes and it's just absolute hell and then sometimes it's absolute pure bliss it's like hell sometimes it's heaven other times and one thing that is absolutely for sure is no matter what if you're going to continue on and do this human thing for a little bit longer you're gonna have to go through some hard times you're gonna have to go through some pain.

1:04And when I was young, I remember thinking to myself, I always played this victim card of why is this happening to me? And then I would complain and I would think about the situation that I was in and I would think, well, why is it not this way? I want it to be different. I want everything to be different. And it was always this kind of, even if I didn't necessarily specifically say it or think it was this feeling of why is this happening to me? And basically, without knowing what I was doing was I was making myself into this little victim, like a child. And I was like, why is this happening to me as if I wasn't in control of my reality in some sort of way, as if, you know, somebody was coming to save me and hopefully one day they'll come and I'll just kind of sit here and wait for it to happen.

1:52But as I got older, I started to realize, looking back through, through many different chapters of my life, I realized that the most important moments of my life, the most important growth moments of my life were always without fail, the hardest moments of my life. Now, I would never want to go back to those moments ever again. But when I look back at them and I'm like, damn, like those are the moments where I learned the most. I learned the most about myself. I learned the most about life. I learned the most about other people. And as I look back at them, I would never want to go back to those moments ever.

2:30Like you could not pay me to go back to those moments. but you also couldn't pay me to steal the lessons that I learned from life in those moments as well. And so it's really important to start thinking of life this way and reminding yourself that when you are going through hell, just keep going. Don't stay there, just keep going because on the other side of that, inside of that as well, is all of the lessons that you need to grow and get better. I did not learn as much in the easy, great moments of my life. Now, I loved having great moments in my life. But where I learned the most about life and everything was at the really hard moments.

3:09You know, growing up with an alcoholic father, I learned a lot. I learned a lot about human psychology when I was six, seven, eight, nine years old. I learned humans real soon. I learned what, you know, I was watching what was going on with my father. I was watching what was going on with my mother. I was watching what was going on with my sister. I was watching what was going on with myself. And as a kid, I was just really quiet. I was really silent. I was always thinking a lot. I was never one of the kids that blamed my parents' divorce on myself. I was always like, yeah, I mean, that makes sense.

3:39This guy's an alcoholic. He's doing this to our family. And so I learned a lot about human psychology. I learned a lot about life. I would not be doing what I do now had I not gone through all of that stuff. So having an alcoholic father, I learned a lot. Going through my father's death with him being the very first person that I ever knew that passed away. Going through that, I learned a lot. Going through both of my grandparents' deaths, their deaths within 17 days of each other, and watching that whole process and being in the room when my grandfather passed away and took his last breath, I learned a lot through all of that shit.

4:16Going through breakups, I learned a lot. Going through multiple failed businesses, I learned a lot. Going through moving to a completely different state that I had never lived in in my entire life, I learned a lot. All of those moments were really freaking hard. And I mean like really hard, very hard. But that's where the juice is. That's where you learn about life. That's where I learned more about life than I did in any other moment. And I've had great moments of my life. And I've traveled to amazing places. If I go and travel to Italy and I'm going to look into views and sipping great wine and eating cheese and eating pizza and pasta and all of that and experiencing it, it's beautiful.

4:59It's amazing. But I definitely don't learn as much about life as when I'm going through hard moments. And I have found that life, that your life, that my life is the perfectly crafted curriculum for whatever it is that you need to learn, whatever your soul needs to learn while it's here. It is the perfect, perfectly crafted curriculum. It could not be more perfectly crafted. And I think we're just not looking at it the right way. That's the problem. And when you're sitting around and you're complaining about wanting to things be different, you're missing the magic. You're missing everything that you're supposed to learn.

5:34It's like when you get to those hard moments in life, those are the tests. Those are the studying for the test. That's where you're supposed to learn the most. It's not just the field trips where you learn about life. And one of the biggest shifts that I ever made in my life that I hope you can start to adopt this mindset in some sort of way. But one of the biggest shifts that I ever made in my life was switching from the thought of why is this happening to me? And just being a complete victim of my circumstance to switching it to what can I learn from this? if my soul came here to earth to learn something and I'm going through this thing what am I supposed to get from it because if I'm going to go through it it's going to be as hard as it is I'm for damn sure going to get whatever lesson I'm supposed to get right so what am I supposed to learn from this what's the gift in this thing why is God or the universe giving me this lesson why does this more powerful thing than I can understand, having me go through this, what am I supposed to get from it?

6:36Because you only actually see life through the lens of what you're thinking. You know, there's a video that I made that actually I talked about on a podcast and we made it into a video and it went crazy viral on TikTok. And I was talking about how if you go to Google and you type in, is coffee bad for your eyesight? You will come up with tons of articles that show you how coffee is bad for your eyesight. But if you also go to Google and type in, is coffee good for your eyesight? You will get tons and tons of articles showing you how coffee is amazing for your eyesight. What does that show you?

7:11Whatever you type into Google is what you're going to find. Your brain works the exact same way. Your brain is like cosmic Google. Whatever you ask of it, you will find the answers. Why is this happening to me? Oh, it's happening to you and your brain will find all the answers why it's happening to you. It's happening to you because you're a bad person. It's happening to you because you're unlovable. It's happening to you because you're a failure. You'll never amount to anything. And that's only because you're asking the questions that are going to get those answers, which means you're perpetuating your fears and your limiting beliefs.

7:43And we will be right back. And now back to the show. So what if we just change our questions that we ask ourself? How could that change our perspective when we're going through the hardest moments of our lives? What am I supposed to learn from this? Well, you're supposed to learn how to not make that mistake again in the future. You're supposed to learn the red flags in a relationship. You're supposed to learn how to challenge yourself to think different. That's what you're supposed to learn. Whatever you ask of yourself, whatever you ask your brain, your brain will find the answers to. It is the exact same as going to Google.

8:18I know you can go to Google and type anything that you want to, and you're going to come back with some sort of answers. It's the craziest thing I always say to my wife. I'm like, there's almost, I don't think there's anything that hasn't been Google before with billions of people using Google every single day. They've thought the same thing and they've had the same questions that I have. And so you've got to start thinking of a different, you know, when you think of those questions, I want to go through it again for you to really understand when you sit there and you ask yourself, you ask your brain, you ask your cosmic Google, why is this happening to me?

8:49It is only going to find the answers that make you more of a victim and perpetuate that. because you're not lovable. That's why she cheated on you because you're a bad person. That's why you got fired because you're a failure. That's why your business isn't succeeding. You'll never amount to anything, right? And so it's going to find that it's going to perpetuate these fears and these limiting beliefs that you're trying to get past. So if you want to change your perspective and change your life, you've got to change the questions that you ask yourself, man, I'm going through a really hard moment right now.

9:21Instead of that, why is this happening to me when you're going through it. Hey, if there was like some chance that this Rob Dial guy was right, and there is something I'm supposed to learn from it, what am I supposed to learn from this? See what comes up. Grab a pen and paper, journal it, write it down. What am I supposed to learn from this breakout? What am I supposed to learn from this person dying? What am I supposed to learn from getting fired? What am I supposed to learn from this business failing? What am I supposed to learn from this health issue? There's always a lesson that's there for you.

9:53The problem is you're just not looking for it. And it really gives you an opportunity to get yourself out of your normal thinking and create new pathways in the brain to challenge yourself to think differently, to not be the same person. How can you think differently about what's going on? What if everything that has happened to you all the time is not happening to you? it's happening for you. What if? I mean, what if? What if? And I know it sounds corny. I know it sounds cliche to be, you know, like a motivational speaker and be like, there's a silver lining. Just search for the silver lining.

10:31And it's super corny and cliche and I get it. But it kind of is true. You have to get yourself out of this victim mindset of why? Why me? Why is this always happen to me? Why do people always do this to me and make yourself such a little victim and start saying like, why is this happening for me? What is this supposed to, what am I supposed to be learning? What am I supposed to be growing from this? What if everything that was happening was happening for you? What if everything that's ever happened to you was happening for you? What if, you know, whether you believe in anything or whether you don't, whether you're believing God, whether you're an atheist, whether you're anything, you don't know what to think.

11:07What if, just think about this for a second. What if there was an unseen force that was always looking out for your best interest? but you've just been missing it. How would that change your perspective on your life? And it really comes to the point where like, Hey, all right, I'm going through this thing. I'm going to keep on going through it. You're going through how keep on going. And it's really important to understand that before a breakthrough in life, there is almost always a breakdown. And so what do you do when you're going through these moments? Well, if you've got emotion that you need to process, process the emotion.

11:37I'm not saying, don't cry. Don't get mad. Don't punch a pillow, any of that. I'm saying do all of that process your emotion. But after you get through the emotion, grab a pen and paper and just ask yourself questions. Instead of asking yourself the victim questions of why this is happening to me, ask yourself questions where you can learn from the question that you ask yourself. So when you're going through something really tough, you're going through a really tough moment in your life, ask yourself the question, write it down, pen and paper. What am I supposed to learn from this? And then come up with all of the answers.

12:08Oh, you know what I'm supposed to learn? how to know what red flags look like in a relationship so I can avoid them in the future. How to make sure that I don't get back into a relationship with someone who we've broken up four times. There's always lessons to something, especially in relationships with yourself, with relationships with other people. What am I supposed to be learning from this? That's a really good question to ask yourself. What's another really good question? How is this going to help me grow? How is this thing that I'm going through going to help me grow? another good question how will it make me more resilient another good question how is this a gift another good question what do I want to never forget about this what is that what am I supposed to be getting from this thing and then what you do is you start to find the lessons that you're supposed to get from these moments and so what do you do as a human you take these lessons so instead of everything just living in your head you take it from your head you put on a piece of paper.

13:06And then what do you do? You integrate the lessons in your life. You went through hell to learn the lesson. Don't forget the lesson. And then once you've identified the lesson, it's time to integrate it into your daily life so that when you, let's say that the whole thing that we've been talking about is you're going through a breakup and you had red flags. That's what you're supposed to learn. Red flags, how you were supposed to act in a relationship, how they were, what you want in a relationship. Those are things that you've learned. Well, now when you go and you actually have a conversation with somebody that you're interested in, you start thinking to yourself, okay, I remember what happened the last time I got into a relationship.

13:41Let me go ahead and just search through my journal and see, you know, compare my notes of this new person with what I learned when I went through the really hard time the last time. And what you do is you start to integrate these into your life. And then when you notice the red flags pop up again, oh, hold on, I'm starting to notice some patterns here. Maybe I should remove myself from this relationship or have a conversation with this person and let them know what I'm seeing and seeing if they're seeing the same thing. And really, it might mean that you need to change thought patterns. That's a good thing.

14:13It might mean that you need to change behaviors. That's a good thing. It might mean that you need to take different actions in your life that align with the lesson that you learned. That's a good thing. You need to take different actions in your life that align with the future that you're trying to create. That's a good thing. And what I want you to understand, like what if from the only thing I want you to take from this episode, what if whenever anything happens to you, good, bad, neutral, you just start thinking, you know what? This is perfect. This is absolutely perfect. This is perfect. This is what I need.

14:48This is what I want. This is going to help me grow in some sort of way. There is some unseen force that is on my side that just fucking wants me to win. And what if you started, how would your life change? How would your perspective of every single thing that you do change if you started looking at the world through that lens versus looking through the lens of why is this happening to me so that's what i got for you for today's episode if you love this episode uh please share it on instagram stories tag me in at rob dial jr r-o-b-d-i-a-l-j-r and with that i'm gonna leave it the same way i leave every single episode make it your mission to make someone else's day better i appreciate you and i hope that you have an amazing day