How To Let Go Of Stress And Live In The Moment

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and improve yourself so that you can improve your life. So if you're interested in that, hit that subscribe button. Today, I'm gonna talk about how to let go of stress and how to live in the moment as much as you possibly can. You ever like sit back and wonder, why am I here? Like, what is the point of all of this? What's the point of doing what we do? What's the point of going to work?

0:43What's the point of being alive? What's the point of having a family? What's the point of all of these things that I do? Is there any point behind all of it? And we live in a world where everything is constantly moving forward. We're driven by goals. We have ambition. We have this relentless pursuit of success. We have achievement that we're going for, fame that some people are going for, recognition that some people are going for. but you ever take a step back and look at all of it and be like what's the actual point not in a morbid sense of like what's the point of being here versus not being here but like I'm actually just curious like what is the point of all of it you know and we have we have constantly trained ourselves to feel like we need to be constantly chasing something and then when we get that something what do we do what happens when we get that something do we sit back and do we enjoy oh oh my gosh, this accomplishment, this thing that I've been working so hard for.

1:38Do we enjoy it? No, we immediately go to the next thing. And we don't even actually enjoy the accomplishment because we have trained ourselves to always be somewhere else. Our mind is always in the future or always in the past. And so when we get to the moment that we've been wanting to get to for so long, do we feel good about it? No. Do we focus on feeling good about it? No, we're focusing on like, what's the next thing? We can't even be present because we have unconsciously trained our minds to always be somewhere else. And I want you to understand this took me a long time, years and years, probably 35 years of my life to understand.

2:15The purpose of your life is right now. It is to be as present as possible, as often as possible. Now, I understand. We're not going to be present every single moment of every single day. but just like you train a dog to sit you need to be able to train your your mind to sit to be here and will it run off every once in a while of course and then when it does you bring it back the same way that you train a dog you have to train your mind to sit here to be present and to be present as often as we possibly can now when you first train a dog are they terrible at sitting absolutely absolutely terrible are you going to be terrible at being present when you're first training yourself?

2:56Of course you are. Are you going to get better? Of course you will. And so I want you to understand this and I want you to really, I want to put it in perspective of how important the present moment is to you. If you fast forward 30 years from today and you were to see yourself and you've accomplished everything you've ever wanted, all the money, all the fame, all the achievement, all the joy, the happiness, the success, whatever it is that you want, you've achieved everything that you wanted 30 years from today. I guarantee you that you would give everything that you own every bit of money all the clothes and cars and houses and achievements and everything you would trade everything that you own to be right back in this moment if you achieved every single thing you've ever wanted 30 years from today you would trade all of that to be right back in this moment no matter how bad you think this moment is you would trade it to come back here or how boring you think it is you would trade it all back to be right back in your car, driving to your shitty job that you hate, or to be right back in this moment, listening to the podcast where there's a messy house and a screaming baby.

4:05You would trade all of it to be right back in this moment. So what does that show you? That the moment is actually the most important thing. You know, if I, if I offered to give you a hundred million dollars, would you take it? Of course you would, but there's only one condition. I'm going to give you a hundred million dollars right now, but you don't get to wake up tomorrow. Would you take it? No, you wouldn't. Which means this life that you currently have right now, as it is, no matter how great or how okay or how shitty or how bad it seems like it is, is worth more than a hundred million dollars.

4:42But are you constantly acting as if it's not good enough? Are you constantly trying to escape the moment? Which shows you 30 years from now, you trade it all to be here. If I give you$100 million and I wake up tomorrow, you would say no. You know, there was 150 ,000 people that died yesterday. Every single one of them would gladly trade places with you if they were given the choice. So I do think, obviously, that it is very important to grow, to achieve, to do things, to experience life as much as you possibly can. All of that is extremely important. But don't forget that the purpose of life, the purpose of your life is to enjoy the passage of time.

5:21That's it. In the 70s, James Taylor created a song and there's a line in it and says, the purpose of life is to enjoy the passage of time. But how many times are all of us so busy that we don't even think about the present moment? Or we're so mean to ourselves or we're so mean to others and we're always wanting more and we're always resisting the way that the world is. and we don't just sit here and realize that there's so much in this moment. There's so much in just the second that you're in. You know, it's really interesting. As you start to try to work on mindfulness, when you first try to be more mindful and be more present, it's boring as hell.

6:04And you're like, I should be doing something. There's something else I should be doing. And now you start to work on a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. You really start to realize why all of the gurus and the Indian gurus and the spiritual gurus talk about how rich each moment actually is. Because when you're fully present in a moment, there's so much that you can get from it. If you go outside right now and you just sit there for a few minutes and you notice the sun that's out there and you look at the trees and you can hear the birds chirping in the background and you really try to make yourself present, there's a lot that there really is to enjoy in the present moment.

6:37But there's only one place to enjoy the passage of time, and that is in the present moment. You can't enjoy the passage of time in the past, You can't enjoy the passage of time in the future. Presence is what is behind all of it. Presence is what is behind your stress, your anxiety, your working to be better, your negative self-talk, all of those things. When you remove all of those things, all of those constructs of the mind, presence is what's behind all of it. So what's getting in the way of you enjoying each present moment? Ask yourself that question, journal on it. What is getting in the way of me enjoying every present moment?

7:17Is it self-judgment? Is it fear? Is it self-limiting beliefs? Is it me resisting the way the world is? Is it me wanting something that I used to have? Is it me wanting something that I've never had before? When you look at all of the things that you love or you love to do, they're almost always something that make you feel present. Like, for instance, dogs. One of the reasons why humans love dogs so much, whether we realize it or not, is because they are so present. Like, they show us what we could be. Now, obviously, they're completely full of love, and there's all of that that's in it as well.

7:52But like, dogs are present. Dogs are not thinking about something else. They're not worrying about something else. They are fully here. They are fully present. That's one of the reasons why I love dogs. What about babies? Babies, fully here, fully present. They bring us to the present moment to be present with them. What about like, you know, going to a big sporting event? If you love going to sporting events, why do you love it? Because it can get so exciting that you're so into the game that everything else disappears. You are so present with what's going on. What about traveling to a beautiful place, seeing a sunset in Greece?

8:28Why do you love that? Why is it so amazing? Because everything else disappears and you can get yourself to be present in this moment. Going to the movies. Why do people love going to the movies? Because you get there for a little while and you forget about everything that you have to do later. Or you forget about what you're worried about. You forget about your past. You forget about your fears, your limiting beliefs, your negative self-talk. Going to the movies will do that. What about playing an instrument? Playing an instrument can get you there. And so the things that we really love are the things that bring us to the present moment.

8:57All of them, what do they have in common? They bring us here. you know our con our minds are constantly trapped in a time warp it's oscillating between like regrets of the past and anxieties of the future and the the mental time travel keeps us from what really matters which is being here enjoying the passage of time the only moment that you truly have because you could worry about tomorrow and you'd be get get run over by a truck today There's no point. The only moment that we truly have is this moment. You know, one of my favorite philosophers, you've heard me probably quote him a lot on the podcast, is Alan Watts.

9:34And he says, the meaning of life is just to be alive. It's so plain and so obvious and so simple, yet everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves. You know, if we're constantly trying to strive for future achievements or dwell in the past, we will be in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction. And trust me when I tell you this, I have done it. I have stressed myself out and stressed myself out in order to achieve, in order to succeed. That was like the first 35 years of my life to get to a certain place, get to a certain place, get to a certain place.

10:10And when I got to the place where I feel like I got everything I ever wanted, all of the shit I ever wanted, all of the stuff, guess what? Still didn't feel good. I didn't feel any different. It did nothing to me. and that's how we become these as the Buddhists say hungry ghosts right you're trying to fill yourself up with something that can never make you full and so it's just like a ghost eating it's just going to fall through because they don't have a stomach it's going to land on the ground they're going to constantly want more and more and more you know Bob Marley has a quote that talks about money he says money is just numbers and numbers never end and if it takes money to be happy your search for happiness will never end you know we tell ourselves stuff like oh I'll be happy when I get that next promotion.

10:52Oh, if, or if only I hadn't made that mistake in the past, maybe she wouldn't have broken up with me. And we're in the, we're in the future. Oh my gosh, forget that, that, that promotion. We're in the past. Oh my gosh, if I wouldn't have said that thing. And what's actually happening is it's our, just our brain robbing us of the current moment, the current joy that we could be in. And we're constantly for our entire lifetime. And let's become aware of this, become present, chasing happiness. And it remains perpetually out of reach. Like it's like the, the, the closer we get to our goal, it's like the horizon, the closer we get to our goals, the further they get from us.

11:27You'll never catch the horizon, but you can enjoy the boat ride. If you think about it. So if we have to, you know, what we have to learn to really try to do is to try to enjoy the present moment and to be as present as possible. And studies show, this isn't just some woo-woo bullshit. Studies show that as we become more present, we become happier. As we train ourselves and train our brains to be more present, we become happier. By nothing changing except for just being here. Studies show that meditation and mindfulness practices are directly linked to increase happiness. Directly linked. And when you do meditation, you do mindfulness practices, there's a few parts of your brain that really turn on.

12:10And I wanted to do research to actually show you guys that are out there like, Oh my God, I'm too busy to meditate, right? If you feel like you're too busy to meditate, you need more time to meditate. So a couple of parts of your brain that really start to change as you meditate more and more. It's the anterior. The first one is the anterior cingulate cortex. And so the function of it is involved with functions like emotional regulation, your impulse control, and error detection. And so when you meditate in the ACC, what it does is it helps you improve your emotional regulation. It reduces the tendency for your mind to wander and go somewhere else.

12:46So it helps you be more present. And it really contributes to a more stable and present-focused mindset. So another part of your brain that's called the insula, and the insula plays a role in consciousness and the perception of all of your bodily sensations, how you can actually feel what's going on. And so when you meditate, it enhances your body awareness and introception, which is the ability to perceive internal bodily states. And it promotes a sense of presence and grounding in the current moment. There's also another part of your brain. It's called the hippocampus. The hippocampus is really crucial for memory formation and emotional regulation as well.

13:20Notice there's a lot of emotional regulation here. And when you meditate, the hippocampus, what it does is it improves your emotional stability. It reduces stress. and with neuroplasticity, it actually changes the meditator's brain to help them remain calm and composed even when they're in stressful situations. And then the other really important thing that meditation does and mindfulness does is it changes your amygdala. Your amygdala is your brain's fear center and it's involved with processing emotions like fear and anxiety. And people who are experienced meditators, that when you start to meditate, it reduces the size and the reactivity of your amygdala, which means that you're going to have decrease in stress and anxiety and a down regulation really helps individuals start to stay calm and less reactive and in things that they have that would be emotional triggers to them.

14:08So for those of you guys like, I don't have time. It's BS. If you think you don't have time, like I remember, uh, there's a, a meditator I heard one time and he said, uh, if you don't think you have 30 minutes to meditate, you need three hours. You need more time. And so when we look at it, how do we become more present? If we're really looking to try to get the most out of life and try to be as present as possible, how do we become present? Well, the thing that I have found over really working at this, being somebody who is very analytical, very stressed out, always searching for the future, always trying to do more, always trying to achieve more, never being satisfied.

14:42What I have found is that the body is the most important aspect of it because your mind is almost always somewhere else. Your mind is almost always somewhere else. It's almost always in the future or the past, but your body is always here. It's always in the present moment. And so I'm going to give you a couple of tips to kind of help you with this. The first thing is to use the body to sit in a chair. And if you notice yourself anxious, if you notice yourself stress, if you notice yourself constantly worrying about the future, whatever it is, you're getting that to that moment. What you want to do is you want to go through all five of your senses for 30 seconds each and just ask yourself, what do I see?

15:17And for 30 seconds, just look around and see everything that you can see and just become aware of everything that you see. The next thing is, what do I hear? What do I hear? I can hear the air conditioning. I can hear a car in the distance. And you just start listening to all the things you can hear. Then you ask yourself, what do I feel? Well, I feel my butt on the chair. I feel my shirt on my skin. I feel the air condition's kind of cold. It's blowing directly on me. What do I feel? You start to pay attention to what you feel. What do I smell? What do you smell? See if there's some smells. I could smell it.

15:48You know, the cleaning people came last week, so I can smell a little bit of their cleaning supplies. I can smell the dogs a little bit in the distance. I can smell the dog. Whatever it is, you start to see what you can smell. What can I taste? I can taste my coffee that I had a little while ago. What else do you taste? And you just pay attention to the five senses that you have. It only takes three minutes. That's it, because it's 30 seconds, you know, each one of them. So it's about two and a half to three minutes. but it brings you to the present moment. And you do this over and over and over and over again.

16:17And so then what you try to do is you try to learn to challenge yourself to be present when you're doing the most boring things, the most mundane things. Like if you're doing the laundry, go through and think about, try to bring yourself to the present moment and focus on all of the stuff that your body can, what you can see, what you can smell, what you can feel, and actually pay attention to those things. Bring yourself to the present moment. When you're washing your hands, what do you feel? You feel the warm water? What do you smell? You can smell the, hopefully you don't smell the smell of the bathroom.

16:47Hopefully what you smell is you can sit there and you can smell the soap, right? What do you notice when you're washing your hands? What about when you're walking through the house without your shoes on? You can feel the carpet. You can feel the wood floor. And you try to bring yourself and try to challenge yourself to be present when you're doing like the most mundane things. So that's the first thing is to use your body. Second thing, I mean, I don't know how many times I have to say it on the podcast before people start doing it. is do breath work followed by meditation. You can go on YouTube, you can do breath work, literally, and there's people out there that'll breathe with you, you just breathe it.

17:20And give yourself time to sit down and do it. And I would recommend this, give yourself more time than you want to. You know, so like this morning I did a 15 minute, it was actually an 18 minute breath work, followed by 30 minutes of meditation. So it was like, I gave myself 45 minutes of like, I'm not doing anything else. Because what I'm personally, just to give you an idea, What I'm working on is the past six months, I've been training my nervous system to calm down so that I can be more calm, so that I can be more centered. Because I was just, I've trained myself from childhood with all of the stress that was happening in childhood into being an adult.

17:54I've trained myself to be stressed. So I've done the exact opposite the past six months where I'm meditating and training myself to bring my nervous system to calm down, to be calm. And if your mind wanders during meditation, as it will over and over and over again, don't guilt yourself. Don't shame yourself. Just bring it back. And over and over and over again, when it leaves, you bring it back. When it leaves, you bring it back. When it leaves, you bring it back. And you just continue to keep bringing it back. And you will get better at being present the more that you do it. The third thing that I would recommend doing is to journal the question, what's getting in the way of me being present?

18:27Is it fear? Is it limiting beliefs? Is it other people? Is it you not scheduling time for yourself? What is getting in the way of me being present? And to really journal through that question and see what comes up. And then the fourth thing, which I think is probably one of the most important with how the world is right now is disconnect from technology. Stop being on your fucking phones all day long. Stop being in front of the computer all day long. Stop watching TV all day long. Like go outside, read a book, you know, sit there and enjoy the passage of time. Watch the clouds go by and try to train your mind not to always have to be stimulated every single second of the day because that is going to lead you to more stress, more anxiety, and it's going to take you away from being in the present moment, which is ultimately the only thing that we currently have.

19:11The only thing we really ever will have. Every moment of your life is a different present moment. So how present can you actually be? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories. Tag me at Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.