How to “Overcome” Your Fear

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you'll probably love my new book that just came out. It is called Level Up, How to Get Focused, Stop Procrastinating, and Upgrade Your Life. If you've ever gotten anything of value from anything I've ever put out, it would do me a massive favor and mean the world to me if you would buy a copy of Level Up. So let's go ahead and dive into it today. Today, we're going to be talking about how to overcome your fears.

0:37And I say overcome with quotation marks for those of you guys that can't see me, because it's going to be kind of interesting as I talk about overcoming your fears and we dive into today. The thing I've come to realize, you know, I started coaching people when I was 20 years old. And by the time I was 24, I had trained over 2000 sales reps. And, you know, I'm 37 now. So 17 years of training people, working with people, is that what I've come to realize is that everybody knows what we need to do to be successful. We know what we need to do to create the life that we want. We know what we need to do to lose the weight, to gain the muscle.

1:10We know what we need to do to make money. We know what we need to do to be happier. But a lot of times we just aren't doing it. And it used to drive me crazy when I was younger and I was first starting to train people because I would give them all of the tools to be successful in the business that they were in, but very few people would do it. I remember asking my manager, Jeff, I was like, Jeff, like, how do I just help people take action? And he said to me something that I'll never forget the day I die. He said, listen, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can lead these people to success and give them all of the tools and tricks to get to where they want to go, but whether or not they actually do it is fully up to them.

1:49And there's a quote from Les Brown that I think is really important to talk about this. And he says, the graveyard is the richest place on earth because it is here you will find all of the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determine enough to carry out their dream. And so that's what I think is important is that we have to understand that we will fear fear no matter what it is that we do, no matter what it is that we want to do.

2:24What it really breaks down to is, are we going to work past those fears to create the life that we want, or are we we going to allow the fears to hold us back? And so what I'm going to share with you is actually the very first chapter of my book, which is your fears and how to actually work through your fears. The whole book, Level Up, is how to take action. The original title of the book was Take Action, then we switched it to Level Up. In part one of the book, the first four chapters is why you're not taking action. Because I could teach you all the tips and tricks in part two, but it really doesn't matter if you're not taking any action in the first place because the fact that you're afraid of something.

2:58And so there's three reasons why someone doesn't take action. Number one is the fears that they have. Number two is the identity and what you think of yourself. And number three is your lack of purpose. And so we're going to go over today the fears that you have. And so one of the things that I remember is when I was a child, I developed this fear of spiders. And I know exactly the moment where I developed the fear of spiders. And the moment where I developed the fear of spiders is when I was five years old, my sister, who is six and a half years older than me, came home from watching a movie called Arachnophobia.

3:32And I don't know if you've ever seen it, but I've never seen it. But she told me stories from the book that were absolutely terrible stories from the movie that were absolutely terrifying. And so I remember one specific story is she was talking about how there was a there's a scene where a spider crawls into the toilet moments before someone sits on the toilet. And I remember being five years old. And for like the next three or four years, I remember checking the toilet to make sure that there were no spiders in it, which means that the fear of spiders were not my fear. It was a fear that was spoken into me on accident from my 11 year old sister.

4:09But when you look at fears, this is one of the things that I talk about in level up. There's only two real fears that are built into the human circuitry. One of them is the fear of falling, and the other one is the fear of loud noises. So if you have a baby and you have a quick movement where there's a little bit of a drop, I'm not saying drop babies, what I'm saying is that there's a little bit of a movement where they feel like they're falling, their arms will naturally go back to kind of almost catch themselves. And then if you have a baby as well, and there's a loud bang in the distance, the baby will start crying.

4:38Those are the only two fears that are built into the human circuitry, which means that every other fear that you have that's holding you back from creating the life that you want is learned. Somehow you learned the fear that's holding you back. And so I want you to think about this for a second. I want you to really think, what's the biggest fear that's holding you back from achieving the life that you want, from taking the action that you want, from doing what it is that you want to do, from following your purpose, following your passion, helping people? What's your biggest fear? Not like the fear of spiders, not the fear of, heights, but what's your biggest fear that's holding you back from creating the life that you want?

5:17Is it rejection? Is it failure? Is it success? Is it not being loved? Is it being abandoned? Is it not being good enough? What's your fear? Identify it real quick before I go any further. What is the fear that's holding you back the most? Okay. Have you found it? Now, the next question I have for you is where did you learn that fear? Where did you learn the fear of rejection? Where did you learn the fear of failure? Where did you learn the fear of success? Where did you learn the fear of not being loved? Where did you learn the fear of not being good enough? Where'd you learn the fear of being abandoned?

5:50And when you look at fears, the way that I break it down in the book is there's only two categories of fears. And I got this from a friend of mine and we started talking about it. My friend Chad went and he went to Brazil and he lived with a native Brazilian tribe really far into Brazil, like into the sticks, right? And to the point where he had to fly into a city, he had to take an entire day to drive to another city, and then he had to hop on a boat, and he had to take a two-day trip on a boat to get to this little village where these people were. And the thing that he told me is that the primal fears that they had were so omnipresent that nobody had any fear of rejection or fear of failure or any of that stuff.

6:32The reason why was because the primal fears. The primal fears are what really took hold. And so there's primal fears. The two categories are primal fears. And on the other side, it's intellectual fears is the way that I've categorized them. And so how do you identify which fear is yours? Like if you have this fear, is it a primal fear or is it intellectual fear? Well, the primal fear, which was omnipresent with these people who are in Brazil, he said, you know, he had to walk through the forest. And when he walked through the forest, you always had to have a machete with you because you don't know if there's going to be a snake.

7:04You don't know if there's going to be a tiger. You don't know if there's going to be a jaguar. like you need to have protection on you and you need to just be just be weary of there might be something out there and that primal fear was always kicked on and so how do you identify a primal fear is that there is physical pain or potential death attached to that fear so when you're walking through a forest and you're seeing a jaguar in the distance that's physical pain or potential death attached to it that is a primal fear when you come across that animal and it's very important to have this is why our species survived but when you look at the fears that you have, the fear of rejection, failure, success, not being loved, abandon, all of that stuff.

7:41Are those primal fears? No. What are they? They're intellectual fears. They are made up in your head. They don't physically exist in this universe, like the fear of rejection. And if we were to dive deeper into it, I'd be like, what is rejection? What is not being good enough? What is abandon? And you start to really go through them and you realize it's all just a fabrication of our own mind. And so we say, okay, I've got this fear of rejection. I've got this fear of failure. I've got this fear of success. I've identified it, Rob. How do I overcome it? And this is one of the key parts, probably one of my favorite parts of the book to read to people, because I think it really has been hitting home when I've been saying it on podcasts where I've been interviewed.

8:23If you have identified your fear and you've identified that it's an intellectual fear and now you're saying, how do I overcome it? The key is this. You cannot overcome something that does not exist. You can't because it does not exist. So how would you overcome it? It doesn't exist. You cannot overcome it. And this is like, I really want this to get into your bones. I want you to like really get this into you is the fear that's holding you back from creating the life that you want doesn't actually really exist in reality. It is all created in your mind. And so basically what you're doing is you're creating the boogeyman, this fear, and then you're fighting the boogeyman all day long.

9:07And you're blaming the boogeyman for the reason why you're not, you don't have the life that you want. And so instead of actually taking the action to create the life that you want, you're literally creating the boogeyman and fighting the boogeyman all day long, and then taking no action. It's the craziest thing. If you actually can really get this in your bones. And inside of the book, I have a quote from a guy named Carl Albrecht, and he describes fear as this, and it's the best quote that I found, an description I found among fear. He says, fear is an anxious feeling that is caused by our anticipation of some imagined event or experience.

9:43The key word in that definition is imagined. The fear that you're feeling in your body, when you think of the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, it is a biological reaction to what you're thinking, not what is actually happening in reality. Let me say this one more time. I'm just going to go over so you can really get it. The quote is, in the description of fear, is an anxious feeling caused by our anticipation of some imagined event or experience. The key word in that definition is imagined. The feeling of fear that you feel inside of your body is a biological reaction to what you're thinking in your head, not what is actually happening in reality.

10:23We're creating the boogeyman and then we're fighting the boogeyman all day long instead of just actually taking the action we need to to create the life we want. Every fear is about the brain trying to avoid some form of future pain. It's beautiful. It's a defense mechanism. Fear is a defense mechanism to protect you. And so if you're imagining these fears and you're creating these fears, the real question is, what are you trying to protect yourself from with that fear? If you have the fear of rejection, what are you trying to protect yourself from? What pain are you trying to protect yourself from?

10:54If you have the fear of failure, what pain are you trying to protect yourself from? What's the pain that you're trying to protect yourself from? And you have to really dive into it and you start to realize, oh my God, the reason why I have the fear of failure is because when I was younger, I remember the time that I screwed up in the spelling bee and all of the kids made fun of me and I felt stupid. And so maybe you have this fear of failure because you don't want to feel stupid. Maybe you have this insecurity that you're trying to hide away, and that's the pain that you're trying to protect yourself from.

11:23But once again, the pain, it's not a physical pain. You're not going to actually physically get hurt. It's not potential death attaches, so it's not primal. It's an emotional pain that you are holding inside of your body and inside of your mind. It's not based off of what is really happening in reality. It's based off of what you're thinking. How crazy is that to actually think about? Is that we're holding ourselves back from all of the amazing things that could be from our life simply because we have this fear that doesn't actually truly exist in reality. And the thing about when you're thinking about these feelings, when I say it's a biological reaction in your body, is your body feels the future that you're imagining.

12:06Your brain will produce the chemicals necessary to trick your body into believing that that future success or that future failure or whatever it is that you have coming, that future rejection is actually happening in this moment. That's what's amazing and also scary about the brain and body connection is that you feel the feeling of the future that you are imagining right now in this moment, which is important, super important because then you realize, well, if I'm imagining failure and I'm imagining rejection all day long, I'm making my body feel as if I'm currently failing or if I'm currently being rejected right now.

12:48My brain is imagining a future and my body is getting beat up all day long. I'm putting my body through so much stress, so much anxiousness because I'm imagining a future that doesn't actually truly exist. And if we're going to imagine a future that we can fear, like, have you ever feared the future before? Of course. And you can feel it in your body, right? You can feel the physical feelings of fear. If we can fear the future, can we feel grateful for the future? Can we feel happy about the future that's coming for us? Can we get rid of the fear and realize that the fear is just something that is just a part of us?

13:24You know, there's different parts of you. There's some parts that are fearful. There's some parts that are scared. There's some parts that don't want to be rejected. There's some parts of you that are courageous. There's some parts of you that are happy. There's some parts of you that are joyful. Which one do you want to listen to? And you've got to really start to develop a relationship with your fear. You can't overcome your fears. You probably will never get rid of them. They are kind of built into your human circuitry. They're kind of built in there now at this point. You weren't born with it, but over years you've developed this really strong muscle to fear that rejection, to fear that failure.

13:57And you may have it for the rest of your life. So it's not about overcoming it. It's about recognizing those feelings of fear when they came up and learning to dance with your fears and going, you know what? I'm feeling the fear. Like successful people don't fear less than unsuccessful people. What they've done is they've just learned to feel it and then take action anyways. There's no one that says that in order to be successful, you don't have to fear, have any fear in the world. It's just, you can feel the fear and go, okay, I'm noticing it. yep, I'm definitely scared shitless right now. But you know what?

14:31I'm going to take action anyways, because it's important to me. It's important to my family. It's important to the world that I take the action I need to create the life that I want. And so fear is a beautiful thing if you actually start to use the fear and you start to work with the fear, because fear is showing you the edge of your comfort zone. And so we know that in order for you to create a life that's different than the life that you currently have, you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone, right? You are. And so fear is the physical manifestation of your comfort zone. It is showing you inside of your body that feeling, okay, I'm at the edge of my comfort zone.

15:03So instead of backing away and being afraid, we remind ourselves, this fear isn't real. This is just an intellectual fear. It doesn't exist in reality. I'm meeting the edge of my comfort zone. I know that in order to grow and to be better, I'm going to have to push past this comfort zone. So instead of backing away, when I feel fear, what am I going to do? I'm going to lean forward just a little bit more. I'm going to lean forward a tiny bit more. And so really what it comes down to is not trying to get rid of your fears. It's not trying to do any of that. That's why in the title, the quotation marks are around overcome.

15:35It's not about overcoming the fears. It's about learning how to work with your fears and use them to your benefit. And so my question to you, and one thing I want you to journal through as you get done with this episode, is what is my biggest fear? Identify it, find it, And then ask yourself, is it a primal fear? Is there physical pain or death attached to it? Or is it just I'm creating emotional pain from it? And then ask yourself, what is that fear trying to protect me from? What is it that it's trying to protect me from? And then if I can imagine a future that scares the hell out of me, I can also imagine a future that seems amazing, that excites me, that makes me want to create the life that I want, that makes me want to go out and do some amazing things and start to change the world.

16:14And so it's really about what frequency do I want to tune into? It's like a FM AM radio station. Do I want to be tuned into the fear frequency and have that hold me back? Or do I want to be turned into the courageous frequency, the frequency of love, the frequency of happiness, joy? Which frequency do you want to be tuned into? Because the important thing is it's all created in your mind. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr. And also, if you want to learn more about your fears and learn more about how to take action.

16:45This is just a portion of my book that I just taught for you guys today, which is chapter one. The book is called Level Up, How to Get Focus, Stop Procrastinating, and Upgrade Your Life. It's available all over the internet. It's available in many countries and many translations at this point, but if for some reason it's not available in your country, you should be able to buy it on Kindle and be able to get the digital copy. If you would buy a copy, I would appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I'm trying to get this out to as many people as possible. I've never been more proud of anything that I've ever created in my entire life.

17:12I put three years of so much work into this. And I wanted a step-by-step process to understand that you are given the most complex piece of machinery in the entire universe in between your ears, but we just don't know how to use it. And I wanted this book, Level Up, to be the manual for your mind. So if you want to get it, once again, it's called Level Up. You can search Level Up Rob Dial anywhere. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.