How To Set Yourself Free

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself so that hopefully you can learn a little bit in these episodes so that you can take it into your life and make massive changes in your life. Today, I'm going to be talking about words. I'm going to be talking about other people. I'm going to be talking about other people's opinions. I'm going to talk about how to not be triggered by other people, other people's opinions, other people's words, any of that stuff.

0:42Now, let me take a step back before we dive into it. When you look at words, the interesting thing about words is this. It's kind of a paradox. Words can have so much power, but words can also have absolutely no power. And, you know, somebody could come up to you and call you a name and it could completely set you off. They called me this thing and it set me off. A person could come up to you and say something else and it doesn't set you off. And then they go say the exact same thing to somebody else and it sets them off. A person, interestingly enough, could come and say the same thing to you that sets you off, but in a different language and it would have no power of you.

1:32It would do nothing to you. And so really what it comes down to is, is it the words? Is it the other person? Or is it me? Think about that for a second. I get messages all of the time on Instagram. And one of the, the, one of the ones that I get the most is how can I not let others ruin my mindset? How can I stop caring about other people's opinions? How can I not worry about what other people are going to think of me. How can I not let somebody ruin my mindset? Think about that for a second. Does the other person actually ruin your mindset? No, the other person does not ruin your mindset. You ruined your mindset.

2:16What that person said to you didn't ruin your day. What you perceived is what ruined your day. What you think about what the other person said to you is what ruined your day. The story that you have built up in your head about what the other person said to you has ruined your day. If the person who came up to you and said something completely different in different language, the exact same thing in different language, you would have no reaction. So it's not the words. It's what you think of the words. And this is incredibly important because words can only hurt you to the degree in which you already believe them.

2:52And so like, for instance, I'll give you a couple of examples. One of the things, you know, we're right over a ton of episodes, over 1 ,400, 1 ,500 episodes of this podcast so far, right? And when you look at it, the first about 650 episodes, I didn't cuss at all. And then I realized that that wasn't actually me. Like I love to cuss. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Now, was I raised to think that there was something wrong with cussing? Absolutely. I was raised to think that something was wrong with cussing. It was bad to say certain words. And then I grew up and I realized that I was just trained to believe something.

3:28I was trained to believe a set of beliefs and patterns. And I took a step back and I was like, is that actually what I believe? Do I really think that a word is quote unquote bad? No. Words only hurt to the degree of which you already believe. I'm like, I'm not going to go cuss at somebody directly in their face. I'm not going to do that. But if I'm not speaking to my full expression, what am I doing? I'm holding myself back in some sort of way. And so I get messages. It just happens all the time. Hey, Rob, I love your message, but could you stop cussing? No, because what you're asking me to do is change myself so that therefore it doesn't offend you, right?

4:04And it's very important for you to understand, like, are you changing yourself for other people? Are you not being true to yourself for other people? Am I going to lose followers because of it? Sure. Less listeners? Sure. But I'm okay because of the fact that I'm being my full, true, authentic self. And so, you know, if you're out there and you're like, I don't like cussing, the first question to ask yourself is why? And then the next question to ask yourself is, where did I learn it? And then you start to realize as you, and the thing I really want you to, to start to get from this podcast is to be very curious as to why you are the way that you are, why you believe what you believe.

4:44Is that actually your full on belief or is that a belief that was given to you and it was somebody else's belief that you just took on? Right? Just something to think about and just be very curious as to why you are the way that you are. Because I used to not cuss because I thought there was something wrong with that. I thought it was bad. And I started thinking to myself, is it true that this is bad? Or is it that somebody else that was probably no smarter than you and I decided one day, this is bad. People can't say this. Now, when you start to think about that, you really start to kind of take a step back and be like, well, damn, if I think about that, if words can only hurt to the degree which which you already believe them, if somebody says a cuss word and you believe that it's bad, well, then you are giving up all of your sovereignty as a human being to not feel, to maybe get mad or to get emotional about what somebody said.

5:36You're giving up all of your sovereignty as a completely sovereign being to what somebody else says. And this really started hitting home for me. I've given this example many times in the podcast, but it really, and the reason why I've given it so many times because it really clicked for me at this point I have a friend Ryan and he was talking at an event probably seven eight years ago and he was talking about his business and he was talking about he was in his 20s his business doing millions of dollars a year he was incredibly successful from the outside looking in and he was on a walk with his mentor and his mentor was like man business is going so well how do you feel and he's like I don't know man I'm just not liking it anymore he's like what do you mean he's like every time I get a a message from a customer service message saying your product sucks, you suck, whatever it might be.

6:19He's like, I just want to shut it all down. And his mentor said, yeah, it's because you're insecure. And he's like, what do you mean? He's like, you're insecure. He's like, if somebody walked up to you right now, a lady walked up to you and she said, Hey, you have pink hair. What would you think? He's like, I think that'd be crazy. And he said, why? He said, cause I don't have pink hair. He said, so when somebody says something to you that you don't believe, it doesn't offend you, right? He's like, no. He goes, but if somebody says something to you that you do believe, it offends you and brings up your insecurity.

6:52So maybe you do feel like your product is inferior. Maybe you do feel like you're inferior. And maybe when somebody says that to you, it brings up that insecurity of being inferior, not being good enough or not being smart enough or not being accepted. You know, if someone comes up to you and they call you fat, what would you think? He's like, I would laugh because I don't view myself as fat. He's like, yeah, but if somebody else gets highly offended by it, it's because they are probably already believing those words about themselves. And this right here is the definition of being triggered. And I've said it over and over and over and over and over again.

7:28But being triggered is a gift. It doesn't feel good in the moment. You want to go up to that person and smack the hell out of them. but if somebody triggers you they are showing you where you are not free so instead of slapping the hell out of them they actually deserve a high five they deserve a hug because that person is showing you where you are not free where you are stuck at some place in time with some belief that's probably not serving you you know so going back to to the whole thing of of talking about Ryan and him feeling like he was inferior and his product being inferior, he was being triggered at that moment because he felt like he wasn't good enough.

8:09Like he didn't deserve to be at the place that he was at. And because he didn't feel like he deserved to be at the place that he was at, he was unconsciously finding all the places to prove that he was not worthy of that. When you're triggered, they are showing you a place where you are stuck in your own head, where you're stuck in time, where you're stuck in the past. They're showing you a place where you have been giving up your sovereignty in some sort of way. Because words are just words. That's it. They can have so much meaning or they can have no meaning. And when they have so much meaning, like, I love you.

8:47What's my belief around love? That's a great thing that I feel that way. But if someone says, I hate you, I really start to feel, not to feel good enough and not feel accepted and it triggers me in some sort of way, it's relating back to some place in your childhood where you probably are still stuck there and it's something that you need to work through. And so what you would do is take a step back and be like, why am I triggered by this thing? Why do I feel this way? Where did I learn this? Where did it come from? And a lot of times you're going to realize that you are a set of patterns and beliefs that you learned from other people.

9:26and sometimes you need to take a step back and say do I still want to be that way you know there are great parts about you maybe the things that you love from your parents and the love that you give and accepting and such a good person all of those things exist and you learn a lot of great stuff from your parents and from your childhood but there are some things that we pick up along the way that are no longer serving us and if we're triggered by somebody we are not free in that moment. And probably my favorite quote, one of my top three favorite quotes is Eleanor Roosevelt. And I've said this over and over and over again on the podcast is she says, no one could make you feel inferior without your consent.

10:05Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. So you could be mad because somebody said something to you, but you're consenting to being mad. And you have Viktor Frankl who went through probably one of the worst of the worst of human experiences. He was a psychologist that went through Auschwitz in Nazi prison camps, said in one of his books, one of his most famous quotes is, between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response, to choose our response, he says. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom. So between stimulus and response, between somebody saying something to you and you reacting, There's a space.

10:48It might be a millisecond. But in that space, you have the power to choose what your response is going to be. Are you going to be offended? Are you going to be mad? Are you going to be sad? Or are you going to choose something different? And in our response lies our growth and lies our freedom. So what are both of those quotes showing you? That you are the gatekeeper to your freedom. You are the one that's in control of how you feel. And it's never what happened to you. It's always how you're perceiving what happened to you. And when you can really start to understand that, you really start to understand the importance of working on yourself, working on your mindset, working on the ways that you're triggered, working on your nervous system, working on your presence, all of that.

11:33You cannot give your control away to someone else based off of what they do or what they say. You can't. You can't give it away. They're not in control. you're deciding to give it away. Oh yeah, go ahead and take it. You know, you said this thing to me, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to just decide. You can, yeah, piss me off. It's okay. Right. Another thing that the Viktor Frankl says that I, that I really love is he says, everything can be taken from a man, but one thing, the last of human freedoms and not human freedom is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances to choose one's own way.

12:11And so this is a man, once again, went through Nazi prison camps. And he says the quote, everything can be taken from a man, but one thing, the last of all human freedoms, which is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances to choose one's own way. So we have to choose how do we want to be? For me, I used to not be super short tempered, but I used to get pissed off pretty easily. And now it's just like, I've worked on that. I would notice the feeling start to bubble up inside of my body of like, oh, here's the feeling of getting pissed off. And instead of going through and following through on what I used to do, it was, I'm feeling this feeling.

12:54I'm aware of this pattern that I want to interrupt. I need to do something different. So what did it turn to? It turned into breath work. It turned into calming myself down. Deep breaths.

13:06I'm not going to allow this to piss me off. I'm going to be the one that's in control. I'm going to be the one that's in control of how I feel. But once again, the words only hurt to the degree that we already believe them. And so that person is showing me, I like to view everything like this entire life that we're living as a game. It's just the game of life. And if I am the player of the game, then the universe in my belief is always coming to me with new challenges to help me grow and help me improve. And so when I look at someone who pissed me off or is in the process of about to piss me off, I can look at it and I can say, okay, thank you universe for coming through this person to me to show me where I'm not free and how I need to improve.

13:57Let me choose how I actually want to react in this moment. And we get to choose our reactions in every single moment. I recently, if you haven't been following me, my Facebook got hacked and we lost over 300 ,000 followers in a five-day period because the person who hacked my Facebook was posting inappropriate stuff on my Facebook stories and people started unfollowing me. Now, if this was robbed seven years ago, I would have been fucking livid because I would have just thought about, you know, this person's doing this to me, all of this stuff. And I started noticing, hey, this is bubbling up.

14:35The anger is bubbling up. How do I want to react in this? I'm going to do everything that I can to try to get it back. And we did get it back. But I'm going to do everything that I can to try to get it back. but I am going to be in control of how I feel and how I act and how I react in this moment. Am I going to react the best version of myself for myself, for my team, for everybody? If I'm just livid throughout the entire thing? No, of course not. Do I know that when emotions are high, logic is low? Yes, I do know that. So if I'm livid, am I going to make the best decisions? No, of course not.

15:12But if I can sit there and I can And allow, and I'm not saying just ignore your feelings. I'm not saying that. But allow my body to process those feelings, to breathe it out, to move it. If I got to move my body, shake it, do some pushups, whatever it is, go for a run to get that energy out. I'm going to then choose how I want to react. So we need to understand that we are the ones that are completely in control of how we feel at every single moment. And we need to be there to be the person who's consciously there sitting and thinking. and we need to release our attachments to those triggers because we do want to be free.

15:44You're listening to this podcast because you do want to be free. All humans want freedom more than anything else. Freedom in their reality, freedom in their external reality, but also more than anything else, freedom within their internal reality, which I don't think a lot of people think of. Try to tell a two-year-old that they can't do something. How does that work out? All they want is to be free to do what they want to do. We all want that. It's built into us. We think we want money and sure, you can have money, but what we want is the freedom that we think comes from having money. But more than anything else, what we really truly want and what I think we desire is freedom in our own minds.

16:18That's why you're here. That's why you're listening to this. You want freedom in your own mind. So the next time that you find yourself triggered, you find the feelings of whether it's rage or whether it's sadness or whether it's just anxiety, whatever it is starting to flood into your body, take a step back. breathe for a few seconds and then take a pen and paper out and put your thoughts down on a piece of paper. Why am I triggered right now? Where did I learn this from? What's the story going on in my head? A lot of times we get triggered, then we build an entire story around it, which could be true.

16:55It could be false, but most of the time it's false. And then what you're doing is you're starting to build awareness within yourself versus allowing yourself to go down a old set of patterns that you probably want to let go of. So going back to what I originally said, words have so much power. They do, but they also have no power. And you're the one that's in control of what you give power to and what you don't give power to. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. And so I want you to understand this is your next level to master in some sort of way to try to get better and to try to improve because you are the one who's in control of the ship.

17:36So try not to be triggered. And when you are triggered, thank that person in your head. Thank the universe for saying, hey, thank you for showing me where I'm not free. 10-4, I'm going to work on this. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. We only grow from you guys sharing this podcast. So if you've ever gotten value from anything I've ever shared, please just help us grow. Ultimately, we just want to help impact more people's lives. and to have more people learn about the podcast and hopefully change the world a little bit more.

18:10And so with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.