How to Shift Your Identity to Succeed

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1:47Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. Today, I'm going to talk about how to actually shift your identity so that you can succeed. Because your life, your health, your finances, your relationships, your confidence, your habits, they're not random, like they don't just randomly happen. They're all evidence of the person you currently believe yourself to be. The life that you have right now is the result of who you think you are. And that might be a little bit hard to hear because most people spend years, I've done this, trying to change their external circumstances without ever changing the identity of the person who's creating those circumstances.

2:41And if you don't change the story that you believe about yourself, you will keep recreating the same life over and over again in different ways. It's basically like banging your head against the same wall until you either die or you decide to change your identity. And so today I'm going to show you how to change that story at its source because your identity, it's kind of like a thermostat. the temperature inside of the house might heat up for a little while but eventually unless you change the thermostat itself everything eventually will click on turn the ac on and bring the temperature back to where it was before that is what we call self-sabotage in the industry of self-development and so once you understand what i'm going to be talking about today success is going to stop feeling like something that you have to force and you have to chase and it starts becoming a byproduct of your new identity.

3:37So let's dive in. I want to ask you a simple question, but a extremely deep question, maybe the deepest question I can ask you, that most people really only answer at a surface level. The question is, who are you? Most people are going to answer that with, I'm a parent, I'm a business owner, I'm a homeowner, I'm a CEO, I am a marketing manager. Those are not who you are. Those are labels. Like, did you come into this world as a CEO? Did you come into this world as a parent? Did you come into this world as a business owner? No. So if you didn't come into this world that way, it cannot be who you truly are at your core.

4:16And then if I ask people to tell me more about themselves, they start describing their behaviors that they repeat. And they repeat them so much that they actually believe that's who they are. Like they think that is them to their core. So like if I ask people to tell me more, they'll be like, well, I'm shy or I'm anxious or I'm successful or I am bad with money or I am an extrovert or I'm overweight or I'm an entrepreneur or I'm an introvert. But those are all just behaviors. And I want you to realize those are not facts. Like that's the crazy part about identity is you think you're the only person in this world that believes that's exactly who you are.

4:58Those aren't facts. They're just stories. They are labels of yourself and they are basically behaviors. And you take those behaviors that you've done over and over and you say, oh, this is who I am. Identity is this. It is simply a collection of beliefs that you have about yourself. It is my favorite thing in the world to talk about. and it is probably the most important thing that you need to understand and change if your life is going to change. Because your identity is based off of what you think of yourself and what you've seen yourself do in the past. So it's what you think of yourself and the actions that you've taken.

5:37And then from there, we unconsciously put this weak assumption together as to who we are. And then we truly believe that's who we are. And if we never change it, then we will get the exact same results forever because we will never outgrow who we think we are. And your brain is not going to challenge your beliefs about yourself. It is only constantly looking for evidence that those beliefs are actually true. Like if you believe that you're always late, then you will notice every single time that you're late and you will not pay attention to any time that you're early. If you believe that you're awkward, then you will remember that one awkward conversation that you had and you'll forget all of the normal everyday conversations that went well.

6:22If you believe that you're bad with money, then every financial mistake becomes proof of who you actually think you are. And so your identity is constantly being reinforced because your brain is collecting evidence for the story that it already believes. And it's throwing away all of the evidence that contradicts your beliefs. And this is so ridiculously important to know. If you do not change your identity, nothing in your life will ever change long term. It might change for a little while, but it will always snap back to who you truly believe that you are. That's why people will lose. I think it's about 90 % of people who lose 20 pounds or more gain it all back within three to five years.

7:09That's why people who think it's about 75 % of people who win the lottery are broke within five to ten years. it's because their external changed but their internal did not and their internal will always snap their external back to where it thinks that it should be so if you really truly want to change your life it starts with your identity before anything else and so how do we change our identity like my perspective has really changed on this over the past 20 years of really focusing on this your identity just so you know it's it's not built by affirmations like don't get me wrong What you say to yourself is extremely, extremely important.

7:50It is part of changing your identity. Don't get me wrong, but it is not even close to as important as the actions that you take. Because your identity is built by evidence. You don't become confident because you look in the mirror and repeat to yourself, I am confident. Your bullshit meter will immediately go off. You become confident because you've collected enough proof that you're someone who can handle difficult things. You've collected enough proof that you do what you say you're going to do. You've collected enough proof that you show up regardless of how you feel. And you've collected enough proof that you are someone that you can trust.

8:33And because of all that, now you have confidence in yourself. Confidence comes from evidence. Discipline comes from evidence. Self-worth comes from evidence. And we will be right back. I struggled with staying consistent until I took James Clear's habit building class on Masterclass. Focusing on small daily actions made a huge difference. Unlike other learning platforms, Masterclass puts you in the room with the people who define their fields, not just experts, but the best in the world. There are more than 200 classes available across 13 categories such as business, writing, cooking, creativity, wellness, and more.

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11:58Because as I create these actions, it's turning me into a person. You understand like one workout's not going to change your life, but one workout starts to change your story a little bit. Two workouts, three workouts, 400 workouts completely change your story one difficult conversation is not going to change the entire course of your life but it starts to change your story about yourself it starts to change if you have a difficult conversation you're a people pleaser it starts to change that story if you're someone who procrastinates one day of following through is not going to change your life completely but it starts to change the story and so individually they each kind of seem insignificant but collectively and to do them over and over and over again, they will start to build a new identity.

12:45You cannot just do something one time and expect that your identity will shift. In fact, it's going to take you longer than you want. I promise you that, right? Everybody wants it to happen today, but it takes between 21 to 100 days to change a habit. It takes between 12 to 18 months to change your lifestyle. And it takes between three to four years to completely change an identity. Like, can you start to change an identity over a few days and over a few like intense immersive days? Sure. Of course you can, but to really lock it in, it's going to take a few years. The question is, are you willing to dedicate a few years of your life to changing your identity so that the entire course of the rest of your life can change?

13:30If not, this ain't going to work out for you very well. If you change the entire course of your life, you're going to change the entire course of your children's life and your children's children's lives. Everyone wants it like right now, but I'm sorry, it ain't going to happen that way. So you need to decide if you're willing to dedicate yourself for a couple of years. If you do, then the next 40, 50 years of your life could be amazing. Now, when people start to hear this, they kind of like get overwhelmed and they start overcomplicating things. Like people think like, oh my God, I have to, I have to become a completely different person.

14:04And then they think about all of the actions that they need to take over the next 10 years, they get overwhelmed and then they do nothing. No, no, no. I don't even want you to think about that. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and become a different person. I want you to wake up tomorrow and ask yourself, if you want to become more disciplined, ask yourself the question, what would a disciplined person do today? When you find yourself at the moment of, should I work out or should I not work out? What would a disciplined person do right now? When you need to knock on doors for your business to grow, what would a disciplined person do right now?

14:40And you filter all of your decisions and all of your actions through that. Then you do that. Not forever. Like, don't worry about forever. Don't worry about the next 10 years. Just one time. If you're overwhelmed, it's because you're thinking about too much at one time. Forever, that's overwhelming. No, just once. Doing something once is not overwhelming. So what's the thing that I need to do? Like, what would a disciplined person do right now? What would a loving father do right now? What would a great leader do right now? Whatever it is that you're trying to filter your new identity through and find those actions, that's how you find it, right?

15:17Because your brain only needs another piece of evidence and then another piece of evidence. So how can I give my brain a couple pieces of evidence throughout today? That's it. And then the next day, you collect another piece and another piece of evidence and another. and eventually something strange starts to happen. The things that once felt difficult for you start to become normal. They start to become second nature. They start to feel like they're simply part of who you are now. And you have to understand, if you collect enough evidence of, you know, becoming a different person and taking different actions over a long period of time, eventually the identity that you have of yourself has no other option but to update it.

15:58It's got to update itself. But once again, I'm talking about years here. I'm not talking about weeks. I'm not talking about months. I'm talking about years, right? And then once you start creating this new identity, you have to protect it like your life depends on it. Like protect it. Stop allowing yourself to have the old identity come in and believe it. Stop allowing yourself to negate yourself when you do something well. Because whenever you say something like, oh, I'm terrible with money, or I'm just procrastinator, or I've never been disciplined or I'm an anxious person or whatever it might be.

16:33You're reinforcing the old story, which is what we're trying not to do. So you have to constantly ask yourself, what story am I reinforcing? Is it the old story that's keeping me stuck in the exact same place? Or am I reinforcing the new story that I'm intentionally choosing? So instead you start saying things like, I'm becoming someone who follows through. I'm learning to trust myself. I am becoming healthier. I'm becoming more disciplined. Do you notice that? Becoming, learning, becoming, becoming. Those are all present tense actions. Not like I am somebody who is disciplined because you're like, ah, that's bullshit.

17:13I'm not, but I'm becoming more disciplined. Okay, that feels kind of true because I'm working on myself to become more disciplined, right? You have to understand, I'm not telling you to lie to yourself. I'm telling you to find these tiny pieces of evidence to prove that you're becoming somebody different and actually start to say them out loud to yourself because that's your evidence that is pointing you each time that you're taking a small step in the right direction. And so I really want you to understand. It's like, I really, really, really want you to remember something. When it comes to your identity, you will always fall back to the identity that you believe about yourself.

17:52You will never create a life better than you think that you can. You will never outgrow who you think you are. If you're a business owner, your business will never outgrow who you think you are. And that can feel overwhelming. I get it. But when you make it simple and you stop obsessing over changing the entire course of your life, but instead you just chunk it down to like this moment that we're in and you ask yourself like, who is the person that I want to become? And you get really clear on the person that you want to become. And then you ask yourself, what would that person do right now? Or when you wake up in the morning, you ask yourself, what's one thing that that person would do today?

18:34And you start taking these small actions one after another, after another, and you actually start becoming that person. So it's like the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I don't need you to think about the next thousand miles. You don't need to plan out the next thousand miles. You just need to make sure that the next step that you take is in the right direction of where you're trying to go. And you do it. And then the next time you take a step, you take a step in the right direction. And the next time you take a step, you take a step in the right direction. Because every action is another vote for who you're becoming.

19:08And every decision that you make and every action that you take is just another little piece of evidence for your brain and your identity to update itself as to who you are becoming. And you do this over and over and over again. And a couple years from now, you will wake up and you'll realize that you didn't force yourself to become somebody new. You simply practice becoming that person long enough that you actually became that person. And that is how your identity actually changes. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. And with that, I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode.

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