If You Struggle With Anxiety, This Mind Trick Will Change Your Life

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, do me a favor, share it with somebody that you love. Hopefully we could change another person's life today. So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're gonna be diving really, really deep into anxiety. I do not wanna stay surface level with you. By the time that you're done with this episode, I want you to have a really, really good understanding of what anxiety is, why it exists, and have actual tactics of how to get rid of anxiety in the moment so that you can actually take action towards the life that you want.

0:49Because you don't have anxiety for things that will not make your life better. You always have anxiety for something in your relationship that will make your relationship better, or starting a business and that'll make your life better, or having a tough conversation. Those are the moments when anxiety comes up. And if you listen to your anxiety, you won't have the life that you want. But if you can get past your anxiety, you can start to get out of your comfort zone and create the life that you actually want to create. And anxiety, when I look at it, it's not just like nervousness. It's not you worrying too much.

1:22It is a full body, full brain hijacking that makes you question yourself and your safety and your value. and sometimes your entire reality. And if you've been looking for a fix for a while, you've probably heard like, take deep breaths or write it down or go for a walk and listen to calming music. And like, yeah, those things can help. I do think that they're really good, but they don't solve the root of the issue. And for me, I'm never really concerned with the symptom, which is what we're seeing. I'm always trying to find and destroy the root cause of something. Like, for instance, the thing I always think about when I think of a root cause.

2:05Years ago, when my wife and I first started dating, she had eczema for years that would pop up on one of her arms. And so she got steroid creams and did all the stuff that doctors told her to do. And then we realized that eczema usually just comes from your gut. There's toxins that are in your body. They leak out into your body from your gut, and then they come out through your skin. So for years, she tried to heal her eczema by putting on creams and stuff that doctors recommended. when she healed her gut, she never got eczema again. And so that's the way that I look at this, where it's like the eczema, the thing that we see is the anxiety.

2:40But I really care about the thing that's before the anxiety, what comes up before all of this. And that's the root cause. That's what I really want to work with you through. And I'm going to show you how to get rid of that root anxiety as well. And I'm going to give you a psychological framing trick. And once you get it, like you completely get it, it could completely change how you experience anxiety for the rest rest of your life. Okay? The first thing I want you to understand is that anxiety, though, is not the enemy. Anxiety, believe it or not, is a good thing. It's a very good thing. It's trying to protect you.

3:13It's trying to sound the alarm sometimes. You know, if you're walking in a dark alley and you get anxiety, that's a good thing. You want that anxiety. But if you're sitting inside of your house thinking about posting something on Instagram for your business, that anxiety is not going to help you. So in today's life, it's usually for most of us, like 99 % of the time, a mistranslation in your body's ancient intelligence. And I know it might sound crazy, but if you hang with me, it'll make sense because anxiety is not a character flaw. It's not a weakness. It's not a broken part of your brain. It's a survival mechanism that's just gone off track in the moment.

3:52And it's your nervous system doing its job, you know, but it happens to be at the wrong time or the wrong situation or maybe even the wrong interpretation. And so what really, you know, is happening when anxiety hits you? So anxiety is your brain trying to predict danger before that danger actually arrives in front of you. And the crazy part is that your brain doesn't need real evidence in front of you to do this. It just needs a memory of something that felt threatening, a thought about what could go wrong, or even just a lack of uncertainty. Because uncertainty is seen as danger. It's seen as a threat.

4:33And so it's like, I'm getting a little bit of uncertainty. Boom. Your brain yanks the fire alarm, even if there's no fire and you're just opening an email. And even when you're about to walk into a party where you know people that are in that party. So it is your brain and your nervous system screaming, danger, danger, danger. Even if there's nothing dangerous. Most of the time there's nothing dangerous. So it's not you being irrational. It's your survival wiring in your brain and your nervous system that's misfiring. And you have to understand that your nervous system is ancient. Your nervous system is around 300 ,000 years old.

5:12And the structure and wiring of your nervous system hasn't really changed much in the last 300 ,000 years, even though the world around us has changed dramatically. Like if you think about the world today versus the world and what our ancestors went through 300 ,000 years ago, you know, it was designed, your nervous system was designed for saber-toothed tigers, not an email from your boss popping up in your inbox. So in order to create the life that you want, it's you versus all of your outdated wiring. And so the question is, how do we stop reacting like we're trying to avoid death when there's no actual real danger?

5:52Well, it's a simple reframe, okay? Is to realize that your anxiety is not an authority over you. It's not. It's kind of like an assistant that's helping you out in some sort of way. And in this shift, when you really understand this, what I'm about to share with you, we'll change everything for you. It's helped so many of my coaching clients that I've worked with. And this is what it is. Start seeing anxiety as a cue and not a command. It's like the check engine light in your car. Just because the check engine light turns on in your car doesn't mean that you need to slam it into the next tree.

6:27It's you saying, hey, you might want to check this out. Like you might want to check and see what's going on here. Like my car, my check engine light has been on for over a year. And the reason why is because I took it in three times and the same thing keeps popping up. It says that the cylinders are misfiring. And then they check the cylinders. They do a whole exam, big, huge thing. They're like, I take it back to the dealership. They're like, no, everything's perfectly fine. And it's out of warranty. And they're like, well, it's not even the actual engine that's the problem. It's the sensor.

6:58And the sensor is going to be like a few thousand bucks. And I was like, who cares? I'll just drive around with the check engine light on. Doesn't matter to me. So the check engine light is a cue. Anxiety is a cue. It's saying like, hey, you might want to check this out. Just check it out. Maybe there's something to worry about. Maybe there's not. Your brain is like, oh my God, this is unsafe. Then that's where most people go, oh shit, I'm in danger. Abort mission. Don't do this. There's something wrong. Fear, fear, fear. I'm going to die. But what if instead of feeling that way, you went up, the check engine light popped on.

7:29and I go, hmm, what could be going on here? And get out of the actual old pattern of fear in aborting the mission and get into your awareness. Like stop being swept up in all of your old patterns. Oh, hold on. My nervous system thinks that I'm in danger. This is interesting. Let me just look around for a little while. Let me start to peer into the depths of my mind and see if I'm actually in danger. So what do we do? Same exact thing that you do when the check engine light is on. You pop the hood and you look around for a little bit and see if you can figure it out. The key here is when you feel anxiety is to get curious.

8:10Like get very curious. If you really want to change yourself and change your life, ask yourself more questions. Because we're stuck in so many patterns from two, three, five years old, seven years old that we're just stuck in them. We just, it's just the way that it is that we don't even, we don't even question them because we just think that they're truth. And when you question them, you actually start to dissolve them. You dissolve the anxiety. You know, you sit there and you're like, what is, what's this trying to protect me from right now? Is there any real danger? No. Okay. Look around. What am I afraid of?

8:46Is this real? Or is this just me stuck in an old pattern that's trying to run the show? And the switch is from you being reactive to you like being curious. Reaction to inquiry, right? This is how you take your power back. And so if we go deeper, the thing that you should know is that most anxiety is not about what's happening right now. It's about what's happened before in your past. And your brain is trying to make you never feel whatever pain you felt in the past again. And so it's protecting you in some sort of way. You were hurt in the past. And that anxiety is trying to fill you with fear so that you don't make the same mistake twice or what it thinks will be the same mistake.

9:32And therefore, you don't feel that pain again. So like if you were in a relationship with someone, you fell in love with them and they cheated on you. Well, then the next time that you feel some sort of connection with somebody and they start falling in love with the next person, you're going to feel some anxiety around it. And the reason why is because your body is saying, hey, do you remember last time that you started feeling those feelings? Do you remember how bad it hurt? And it wasn't physical hurt. I get it. It was an emotional hurt. Sometimes that could be worse. So your body's going, hey, the last relationship destroyed you.

10:06You're starting to get into this relationship. I'm noticing some commonalities. Let me sound the alarm and try to screw all this up so that you don't have to go through that pain again. I'm trying to protect you. That's where the anxiety pops up. Or if you're starting a business and you remember, you know, seeing your uncle work his ass off and he never was around for his children. And then his children resented him for never being around because he worked so hard in his business. And now you want to start your business and you're starting to feel anxiety around that. You might unconsciously be taking your story and putting it with your uncle's story and saying, well, I don't want my kids to hate me.

10:45And so you're seeing these things and your brain's making all of these predictions. You don't want to hurt your children. You don't want to have that sort of pain that your children had the same way, the pain that your children will have the same way that your cousins had. You don't want to feel aborted by your entire family and pushed out by your entire family the same way it was with your uncle after the children left the house and never wanted to talk to him again. And so you've got to start really going through this and starting to think about what's going on. Because if you really, like if you get really curious, you'll start to notice that anxiety is like, it's weirdly specific sometimes if you go deep enough.

11:23It's not like, oh, I'm anxious. It's like, I'm anxious because this person's not texting me back. All right, well, what does that remind me of? Oh, it reminds me of this person ever texting me back. And what I found out was that, you know, he was at another girl's house when he wasn't texting me back, right? So that's the anxiety. It's like weirdly specific. It's not like, oh, I feel unsafe. It's like, well, you know, if I screw up this presentation, everyone will think that I'm stupid in the office or I'll get fired and I won't be able to pay my bills. Or it's not like I'm nervous. It's like if I if I say the wrong thing, they're going to think I'm stupid and then they're going to want to leave me.

11:57So, you know, you have to realize that those aren't just thoughts. What they are is they're warnings from old past experiences from, you know, childhood rejection or bullying or social humiliation or, you know, getting only conditional love from your parents or being a child who was raised in unstable environments. So your nervous system stores memory and sensation, not logic. So when it starts to feel the same way as it did before, it goes off and sounds the alarm, which is why you can know like logically that you are safe, but still feel like you're under attack in some way. Like you can sit there and be like, oh my god, I know I'm okay.

12:35Everything's all right right now, but why is my heart beating so fast? Why am I so nervous? It's because your nervous system is preparing for the attack. And so here's what you want to do. This is the reframe that will help you out, right? When anxiety strikes, take a deep breath and then ask questions. When you feel anxiety, ask questions. The questions will start to dissolve the anxiety. So here's like a series of questions in the way I would ask him if I was in a situation of feeling anxiety. So you can jot him down if you like, right? Number one, what is my anxiety trying to protect me from?

13:10So I feel anxiety and I'm aware of it. Okay, let me take like 60 breaths.

13:18What's my anxiety trying to protect me from? And you start to get curious. And it's like, oh, it's not trying to sabotage me. It's trying to protect me. It's trying to protect me from this thing. Okay, where did I learn that this is dangerous? You know, was I ignored when I was younger? Was I mocked? Was I bullied? Was I rejected? Was I pressured in some sort of like, when did I realize the first few times that this was dangerous? This thing that's going on with me right now, this thing that I'm afraid of. Okay, that's the second question. Third question is, is this threat real? Like right now, is it real or is it remembered?

13:55So like, am I in danger right now? Or am I just like in discomfort? Okay. Question number four, is this an old pattern? And if so, what truth can I install instead? So it's like, I'm not in danger. I'm at the edge of my comfort zone. So this is a moment for me to get past my comfort zone and start expanding myself. You know, it's an old pattern. So what new truth can I install? Okay. You know, I'm on the edge of my comfort zone. This is safe. There's no danger. This is my expansion. and this is where everything starts to begin to shift, and the reason why is because it will start to, if you ask enough questions, and this really has blown a lot of my clients' minds over time, is if you ask enough questions, you will dissolve the anxiety, and that's where you can start to regain your power because anxiety, it thrives in the dark.

14:44It thrives in obscurity, and most people don't take their anxiety and actually start to question and shine light all over the place, and it dissolves in the light. when you try to question the validity of it, when you go through. And so like, let's say that you get, I'll give you a real life example. Let's say that you get social anxiety, right? Let's say that you're about to go to a networking event. You need to go to a networking event because you have a new business. You want to meet some new people. You want to get your message out there. And you get hit with this flood of anxiety before you leave, right?

15:14Okay, you're breathing faster. You're starting to notice that. Boom, boom, boom. Your heart's starting to race. Your brain is shouting, don't do it. Don't go. You're going to look like an idiot. and so the old you might have canceled and then you feel relief oh my god I don't feel that anxiety anymore and then an hour later you feel regret or the next day you're like damn it I should have gone I heard there were some good people I could have connected with so that's the old you the new you okay I'm feeling anxiety I'm going to pause for a second I'm not going to let this old pattern run the show anymore and I'm just going to get really curious let me pop the hood and see what this check engine light is.

15:50What am I feeling right now? You know, I'm feeling kind of anxious right now. Okay, cool. No worries. What is my anxiety trying to protect me from? Maybe it's other people's opinions. Maybe it's judgment. Maybe it's being seen. Maybe it's being rejected in some sort of way. Maybe it's going to the networking event and sitting alone and looking like an idiot because no one's going to be talking to me. Okay, cool. Well, where did I learn that this is dangerous. Maybe it was in middle school when you tried to make some friends at a new school and couldn't make any friends. Maybe it was a really critical parent.

16:23Maybe it was some past social trauma where you were bullied in high school or whatever it might be. Okay, cool. Is this threat real like right now or is it remembered? Well, yeah, I'm thinking of things that happened to me in my past so clearly it's remembered. So I'm not, okay, I'm not really in danger right now. Okay, well, what truth can I install instead? Well, discomfort is the edge of my comfort zone, which means that I'm expanding. And I can do brave things in small doses. So, you know, I know I need to get out of my comfort zone to grow my business. So I'm going to go to this networking event to prove to my nervous system that it's safe.

17:02Now, will you still feel nervous walking in? Of course you will. Are you still going to be nervous the entire time that you're there? Probably. But you can, as you're walking around, as you're there, you can repeat a mantra to yourself. Like if you felt like walking in might be unsafe, hey, I'm safe. I'm safe. As you're inside of it, I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. Instead of like, oh my God, am I being judged? People think I'm an idiot. I'm safe. Or you can say something like, I'm getting out of my comfort zone, but everything's okay. I'm getting in my comfort zone, but everything's okay. And you just repeat to yourself whatever it is that makes you feel better.

17:34Hey, I'm going to figure out a a way to make this fun. I'm going to figure out a way to make this fun. I'm going to meet some good people tonight. I'm going to meet one really good person tonight. This is going to be fun. I'm going to meet one really good person tonight. And you start actually repeating the mantra that you feel will help you reframe the situation. And the reason why this works is because naming your anxiety puts you back in the driver's seat. You know, when you see anxiety as a cue, as the check engine light, you interrupt the automatic fear loop. And then you give yourself a choice in that moment.

18:01You don't suppress it. You don't obey it. You question it. And when you question it, you dissolve it. And if you do this enough times, you'll actually start to rewrite the wiring itself. And so you're no longer that scared kid that's inside of the haunted house. Like you're a grown up. You're 35 years old holding the flashlight going, well, let's see what's around here. And so if you follow this, if you follow anxiety to its root, it will show you the exact places where you're stuck in life. That's the amazing part about it. It will show you where you still need some healing, what's keeping you small, what you believe about your worth or your voice or your value about how lovable you are.

18:40Every anxious thought is a doorway to the next version of you. And you can use anxiety for your own healing when you ask the right questions. When you stop running from it and you start walking with it, it will lead you in places that you never dared to go before. And then from there, you don't have to manage anxiety. you master anxiety and you can become the person who can feel discomfort in some sort of way and then still move anyways. And then you can, you know, be uncertain and not collapse. You can feel fear and say, you know what? I see you, but I'm going to keep going. And that is your real true path to freedom.

19:14So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, millions and millions and hundreds of millions of people are dealing with anxiety right now, do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in it, RobDowJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J. are. And if you want to learn a little bit about, you know, coaching with me outside of the podcast, you can go to coachwithrob.com. Once again, coachwithrob.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.