I've Lived More In My Head Than I've Lived In Real Life

0:00You're in back-to-back meetings all day. You're trying to stay present, but you're worried that you're going to forget the next important step. Granola is an AI-powered notepad for meetings. You just jot down rough notes, and in the background, Granola transcribes and turns them into clear, useful notes when the meeting ends. No bots joining your calls, just a clean notepad that helps you focus. I've been using Granola for my back-to-back meetings, and it just makes it so easy to make my notes as clear as they possibly can and for me to understand next steps for each meeting. Head to granola.ai slash mindset mentor and get three months free with the code mindset mentor.

0:32That's granola.ai slash mindset mentor and get three months free with the

0:36The Mindset Mentor:code mindset mentor. Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why drivers have trusted Progressive's name Your Price Tool for years. Just tell Progressive what you want to pay and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Visit progressive.com to find a car insurance rate that works for you. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey, a bad hire can really cost your business and a great hire can really accelerate your business. Running a small business means every hire really matters. A bad hire can cost you time and money and momentum and a good hire can help grow your business immensely.

1:16Finding great talent isn't easy when you don't have the time or resources to sift through resumes. LinkedIn's new hiring pro screens candidates for you, so instead of sorting through applicants, you can spend time talking to only the right ones. Get started by posting your job for free at linkedin.com slash dial. Terms and conditions apply.

1:41Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not you done so hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode and before we get into today's episode I want to tell you about a live zoom lesson that I'm going to be doing on June 10th at 7 p.m eastern it's called break the ceiling if you've ever felt like you were the one holding yourself back in your income your relationships your health your happiness every area of your life this is for you I'm going to show you exactly what that ceiling is made of and what it takes to break through it for good grab your free spot right now at break the ceiling 2026.com once again break the ceiling 2026.com and i'll see you live on that session today i'm going to be talking about something that honestly scares the shit out of me and i don't say that lightly like there's this fear that's kind of lived inside of me for a few years now it's the fear that one day i'm going to get to the end of my life and realize that i was never actually here Like physically, my body showed up.

2:44I sat at dinners. I went on vacations. I hugged people I love. I built businesses. I walked through airports. I drank coffee. I listened to music. But like mentally, I was somewhere else throughout my entire life. Thinking about the future, replaying the past, analyzing conversations that I had had a couple days before or preparing for problems that never actually even came or, you know, trying to optimize every moment of my life instead of actually inhabiting my life. And so I started realizing something a couple years ago and it really, really woke me up. Most people, including myself, don't live in reality.

3:28Most people live in psychological time. Your body exists in the present moment, but your mind is either in memory or it's in imagination. And it's not like the memory is only thinking about the best moments of your life or when you went to Disney for the first time as a child. It's not like your imagination is always imagining all of the amazing things that could happen today. No, it's usually the exact opposite of that. Your fears, your worries, your limiting beliefs, your regrets, doom and gloom. and there's this hidden cost to living entirely in your mind. You slowly lose contact with life itself.

4:11You stop hearing your partner, even though they're speaking to you right there. You stop noticing all of the details and the colors of a beautiful sunset. You stop feeling fully in your body. You stop inhabiting your own existence and you basically become like this floating head dragging a meat suit around. And I realized at some point, I don't want to die having spent my entire life mentally absent from the only thing that I actually ever had, which is this present moment right here. So over the past year, I've become obsessive about learning how to come back to reality. And I've been practicing presence.

4:50In fact, I've said this a couple times in the podcast, but I have a tattoo right here on my right wrist that I see all day long. And the tattoo says, be here now. I probably see it 30, 40 times a day. I didn't get it because it looks cool. I didn't get it because it's all spiritual and that's something that Ram Dass says or any of that, even though I love Ram Dass. It's because I genuinely need a reminder. I had to get it tattooed on myself because I need a reminder because my mind wanders constantly and I'm sure yours does too. And so I want you to know your brain was designed to leave the present moment.

5:23There's a network in your brain that's called the default mode network. Neuroscientists discovered that when you're not fully engaged in this present moment, this network lights up. And so it replays the past, it simulates the future, it thinks about yourself, it creates narratives and fears and worries and compares and it judges things and it mentally time travels. And researchers at Harvard found that human beings spend about 47 % of their waking life thinking about something other than what they're currently doing. 47%, almost half of our lives are just full of basically like mental masturbation.

6:01And the scary part about it is the same study found that wandering minds are associated with lower happiness levels than anything else. Meaning the more that you are in your head, the less happier you are. Or if you wanna flip it another way, if you want to be happier, be present. So it's our inability to stay connected to reality while we're in it. And when I first read this study, I sat here thinking like, holy shit, this is crazy. Like people are missing their entire lives while trying to think their way into a better life. And so over the past couple of years, I started noticing kind of profound.

6:41The only thing that actually is ever really in this present moment, like right now, a lot of times is our body. That's it. Like your mind can leave, your thoughts can leave, your imagination, all of that can leave, but your body is always here. Your breath is always here. Your heartbeat is always here. The feeling in your hands is here. Like the sensation of the bottom of your left foot right now is here. And so if your mind is always wandering, the portal to come back to reality is getting into your body. Anxiety lives in the mind. Peace is accessed through the body. and this is where a lot of self-development people accidentally get trapped they stay in cognition forever the brain forever more podcasts more books more learning more journaling more analyzing more understanding believe me i've done this i've got i've got a freaking podcast called the mindset mentor right so don't get me wrong i understand i understand all of that that it is important.

7:44Like it is very, very important to understand yourself intellectually, but healing and experiencing life requires sometimes you getting out of the mind and being like fully present in this moment. You cannot think your way into being present. You have to embody your way to being present. And that is embody through the body. And so I want to go a little bit deeper than just the surface level here. Like not just like, Hey, meditate and become present, bro. Like that's not what I want. Presence can feel uncomfortable for a lot of us. And the reason why is because thinking, whether we realize it or not, is often an avoidance strategy.

8:24Like your mind keeps moving because stillness and boredom forces you to feel. And many people have spent their entire lives unconsciously avoiding feeling. When you stop scrolling, when you stop distracting yourself, when you stop thinking so much, suddenly there's like uncomfortable feelings that can come up. And we will be right back. Hey, showing up for yourself day in and day out and doing the hard things is what creates a better life. And noon hydration helps you stay moving with the real deal, activated hydration built to support you through those moments that challenge you. Noon hydration tablets deliver clean ingredients and optimize electrolytes that hydrate better than water alone, especially when you're sweating or on the go.

9:13The tablets dissolve quickly, taste great, and come in a single, no-mess tube that you can take anywhere. Noon is designed for people who value whole self-growth, community, and the joy of showing up for themselves through movement, exploration, and effort. And at less than$1 per serving, it's easy to make part of your routine. Shop Noon Hydration at NoonLife.com That's N-U-U-N Life.com and fuel your next hard thing.

10:04The Mindset Mentor:used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. And studies show kids who use IXL score higher on tests, proven in all 50 states. I've been thinking a lot about what kids actually need right now. And it's not more pressure, it's the right kind of support. As we're finishing the school year, this is the moment to lock in the fundamentals, build confidence in the areas they've struggled with, and make sure they don't lose momentum over the summer. Because the truth is, when kids stay sharp, they don't just keep up. They get ahead. That's why I love tools that give instant feedback with clear explanations are organized by grade level and skill and make it super easy to track progress.

10:37The Mindset Mentor:And the best part, it's flexible enough to fit into real life, whether you're traveling, dealing with camps, or just trying to enjoy summer without falling behind. Because confidence doesn't come from cramming. It comes from consistent, simple progress every single day. Have you ever been late night shopping, finally found exactly what you've been looking for, added it to your cart, and then realized your card's nowhere in sight? And just when you're about to give up, you see that purple pay button, one tap, and you're checked out in seconds. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all e-commerce in the US, from household names to brands just getting started.

11:15The Mindset Mentor:Tackle all those important tasks in one place, from inventory to payments to analytics and more. Their shop pay button is used by millions of businesses, and it's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts going abandoned and more sales for you. See less carts go abandoned and more sales with Shopify and their ShopPay button. Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash dial. Go to shopify.com slash dial. That's shopify.com slash dial. And now back to the show. Like feelings that we've been like kind of trying to push under the rug and act like are not there.

11:54So it could be like sadness that you haven't felt in a while. It could be grief. It could be loneliness. It could be these fears and worries. It could be emptiness. It could be restlessness. And so those are so uncomfortable, the brain goes, nope, let's go ahead and plan next Tuesday. Because it is an avoidance strategy more than anything else. Overthinking is often emotional avoidance, like wearing an intellectual disguise. like let that one land for a second we all tend to overthink but a lot of times overthinking is emotional avoidance not wanting to feel something wearing an intellectual disguise and smart people are especially good at this so if you're smart you're good at this because you can philosophize your pain instead of actually feeling your pain and they can explain their trauma beautifully while still being fully disconnected from their body.

12:56Like you can understand your nervous system and still never inhabit your nervous system in your life. And so how do we get out of our own heads? Like let's put it into a step-by-step process. Like I want to give you some real practices, not just surface level stuff. These are things that genuinely changed my life over the past couple years. Okay. Number one is you need to interrupt thought with sensation. Okay. Most people try to fight their thoughts with thoughts. That's like trying to get out of a hole by digging. You're just going to make yourself deeper and deeper. It does not work. Your thoughts are infinite.

13:31You can think about like thoughts never end, right? So instead train yourself to shift from like your brain and your thoughts into what you feel. Here's what I mean. The moment that you notice yourself spiraling mentally, don't ask yourself, how do I stop thinking, ask yourself, what can I physically feel right now? Like anything. You can feel like, even right now, listen to my voice, right? You can feel your feet. You can feel your breathing. You can feel the temperature of the room. You can feel, if you really pay attention, your heartbeat. That's how you know you're really present. You can feel the tension that might be in your jaw.

14:10You can feel the palm of both of your hands. You can feel your body on your chair if you're sitting down right now. This works because sensation anchors you into the present moment. Sensation pulls you into this moment when your mind is somewhere else. Okay, so that's number one. Number two, try to stop narrating your entire life. Most people are not really experiencing life, they're narrating life. Let me tell you what I mean, right? Something happens and then your brain creates a story as if you're watching a movie and there's a narrator explaining the movie. And so something might happen to you and you might say, well, this means that I'm not good enough.

14:53Or what if they don't call me back? Or I should have probably done this instead. Or why didn't they call me back like they were supposed to? Or why did they say that to me? And it's like, we're constantly narrating and trying to make meaning out of every single moment. And so your inner narrator never shuts up unless you interrupt it. And so what I started practicing in It Is Not Easy To Do was moments of intentional non-narration, right? Meaning when I sit down in the morning, can I drink my coffee without mentally commenting on the coffee or by thinking of something else. And so I use drinking coffee as my first anchor in the morning to try to like really pull myself into the present moment.

15:45Can I walk from one place to another in my house without mentally rehearsing what I'm going to be doing later on today? Can I sit in silence without thinking about all of the stuff on my to-do list, without needing some interpretation of something else. This is so freaking hard. I'm telling you it is. Everyone is bad at this first. Please understand this. The first few times you try this, you're probably going to get anxious because it's just so hard to do and it might piss you off, right? But reality, when you really work at this, reality becomes so unbelievably vivid when you stop narrating it.

16:30And it's real weird

16:31The Mindset Mentor:because I always heard people talk about how vivid reality can be like this present moment. And I was like, what in the fuck does that even mean? I was like, I don't, I don't get it. And then the more you work at being present, the more you realize like every moment can be so rich, but our brain is usually just somewhere else, right? And our brain's trying to create meaning in every moment, trying to predict the next. And so I want you to really stop trying to narrate your entire life. Okay, next thing is to create something that I call arrival rituals. An arrival ritual, like most people physically arrive somewhere long before they mentally arrive there.

17:09Like you walk into your house, but mentally you're still at work for the next two hours, right? You can sit down with your spouse, but mentally you're thinking about your inbox, right? So I started practicing what I call arrival rituals. They're like these tiny little resets between environments. so before walking into my house i'll sit in the car i'll take a really deep breath i'll grab the wheel and i'll try to feel the wheel under my hands inside of the car before i go in i'll try to feel my feet and i just remind myself like hey just be here for just be here for a moment right i'm trying to anchor myself in the present moment instead of allowing my mind to be somewhere else so before a conversation or like as somebody starts talking i don't just like think about the thing I want to say next, I look at them and I try to look deeply at the person's face and be like, I say to myself, be with this person.

18:01Like just notice the lines on their face. Notice their eye color, right? Before eating, I'll sit down and I'll be like, all right, actually taste this. Like these little tiny micro transitions, retrain your brain to stop disappearing from present moments. Okay. The next one is try to learn to notice the moment that you leave yourself, like build awareness, become aware of the exact moment when you disappear from the present moment. For me, it usually looks like I would grab my phone unconsciously, or I would be planning what I'd be doing in like future rehearsing, right? Or like replaying old conversations or trying to optimize imaginary scenarios that haven't even happened yet or like mentally escaping discomfort.

18:51Awareness is everything. It's not about fixing it in this moment. It's just about becoming aware because you cannot change unconscious patterns. So the goal isn't perfection. The goal is just catching yourself faster. And the more that you do it, the better you will become at noticing when your mind actually leaves this present moment, right? So it's just about building the awareness first. The next thing, you've heard me say this on the podcast so many times, number five is to spend time in silence. What a novel thought. You've never heard me say that before, right? Modern humans are terrified of silence because silence removes distraction.

19:26And when distraction disappears, you meet yourself. And I genuinely believe that overstimulation is the number one reason why people feel so disconnected from life. They have notifications and podcasts are constantly coming out and scrolling and emails and music all day and content all day and scroll. Oh God, it's just so much shit being bashed into our brains all day long. And your nervous system never really settles. And so I started doing this really radical thing. Nothing. It was so hard for me being somebody who's so obsessed with productivity my entire life, the past 20 something years of running businesses.

20:08I did nothing. No phone, no podcast, no stimulation, just sitting. And I thought I wanted to run my head through a wall, right? First, it is an uncomfortable as hell. Then eventually, once again, life started to become more vivid. Like I could feel the wind on my face when I wasn't even noticing it before. like my coffee just kind of like tasted better like music i started like noticing parts of it was kind of weird especially like listening to pink floyd like i noticed like holy shit that guitar sound i've never heard that guitar sound in my life and i'm like i've heard this song 4 000 times and i've never heard that part and i was like oh my god i think i'm actually here like i'm really here in this moment like conversations felt like they were more productive and like richer and deeper for me.

20:58Presence restores like the texture to our existence, right? And so the thing I want you to think about, I think one of the greatest tragedies in our life would be arriving at death having never fully inhabited our own existence. Having memories of your life without fully being there. And I think that's what millions if not billions of people are doing right now. Their body is at dinner, but their mind is at work. Their body is with their child, but their mind is in anxiety. Their body is on vacation, but their mind is mentally freaking out about needing to check email. And the truth is your life is not happening someday.

21:35It's happening right now. Like an ordinary Tuesday, a cup of coffee in the morning, a conversation with your spouse. Like this is your life. Not later. Now. So maybe the goal isn't to become perfectly enlightened and become this person who never overthinks anything ever again. Maybe the goal is just to be as present as we possibly can. Again, and again, and again. We keep losing ourselves, but we come back to our body, and we come back to our body, we come back to reality, we come back to this moment. Because this moment, truthfully, everybody, is really the only thing that we have. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.

22:16If you love this episode, please share it with anyone that you know that would like to listen to it. And if you have ever felt like you're the one holding yourself back with your income and your relationships and your health, I have a live lesson you're going to want to be a part of. I'm going to show you exactly how to break through every ceiling that you have and break through for good so that your life changes. You can grab your free spot at BreakTheSealing2026.com. Once again, BreakTheSealing2026.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission.

22:44Make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

23:15built for your business.

23:17The Mindset Mentor:Who knew? Guys, let's face it. As we get older, we can't just skip sleep and eat whatever we want and still feel great the next day. But if you're entering your men's health era, you know it can feel complicated. Sprouts Farmer's Market makes it easier. Not only does Sprouts have the high protein foods, nutrient dense organic produce, and innovative snacks your body craves. It's also got the newest supplements, vitamins, joint support, even creatine to help get you feeling more like you used to. Whether it's men's health or any other health journey, it's easier at Sprouts Farmer's Market. Hey listeners, Rob here.

23:52The Mindset Mentor:Thank you for tuning in to the Mindset Mentor each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad-free, subscribe to Cirrus XM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit cirrusxm.com slash podcast plus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.