One Habit That’s Changing My Life

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week about mindset, about self-development, about early childhood development, about how to become the best version of yourself because the better that you become, the better that your life becomes. And I've been doing it now for almost 10 years. And so if you wanna join the journey and improve your life, hit that subscribe button. Today, I'm gonna be talking about one habit that has completely changed my life.

0:39and we're going to talk about goal setting and we're going to talk about systems. And now as far as goal setting goes, I have loved goal setting since I was 19 years old. When I first found goal setting in 2006 and my first mentor started teaching me how to set goals and how to be striving for a goal, it made me feel like life was a little bit more exciting, like I could become more than I currently am. But I find a lot of people struggle with goal setting and then they especially struggle with goal achieving. And so today I'm gonna talk about how to set up your life in general so that you actually achieve your goals that you do set for yourself.

1:18And this comes from a quote that James Clear says, and I love it because he didn't come up with this concept, but he really does talk about it in his book. And the quote says, you don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. And so today we're gonna be talking about the systems that you have in your life to help you get to where you want to go. Now, when we look at goals, goals are really good. And I do think that everybody needs to set goals so you know what direction that you're heading in. But there are two really big problems with goals. Goals are not inherently bad, just so you know.

1:53They give us something to strive for. They give us something to aim at. But goals can also come with limitations that really what I have found over years of coaching people hold people back in subtle ways. And so the first one is that goals are specifically outcome orientated, like just focused on just getting to this one outcome. It can really hold you back. And so goals focus on a specific result, which is good, but it can also be limiting, like lose 20 pounds is that specific result. Finish my novel is that specific result. Get a promotion is that specific result. And while there's nothing wrong with wanting these, goals place all of the emphasis on just the end result and nothing else.

2:38And if you don't hit your goal, it can make you feel like you're a failure and then make you less likely to want to set goals again and want to go for goals again. And it also, when you don't hit a goal, it kind of lowers your confidence. It breaks trust within yourself when you don't reach that goal. And so if your goal, for instance, is like to run a marathon, every day you train, you try to get better. You might feel like you're not quite there, but you're getting a little bit better, a little bit better. But you only actually succeed, quote unquote, succeed when you cross the finish line. And that's the limit with goals is you only succeed when you cross the marathon finish line or whatever finish line that that goal is going for.

3:21And so the only time you succeed is when you accomplish that goal, which can really rob you of satisfaction from the entire process of becoming better and being proud of yourself. And so that's the first thing that goals can really hold you back with. And the second thing is that goals don't address long-term change in your life. And so when you achieve a goal, you might actually just revert back to your old habits. For example, like if your goal was to lose those 20 pounds that we were just talking about, what happens once you reach it? without some sort of system in place to maintain your progress, you're likely to fall back into the old habits that cause you to gain weight in the first place.

3:59It's not like you lose 20 pounds and they stay off forever. It's a, you have to have a system in place to keep it off. And so that's why approximately 80 % of people who lose 20 pounds or more gain it back within two years is because they're like, Oh, I hit my goal. Now I get to celebrate. Now I get a case of the, I deserve it. You know, I get to have an extra piece of pizza. I get to have an extra slice of pie. And then over and over and over again, your habits go back to your old habits. And now you're back to the same weight that you were. And so, you know, systems work better with achieving goals and they work better to focus on your systems.

4:37And you're more likely to achieve your goals if you focus on the systems. And so instead of putting all of the emphasis on this specific outcome, like finishing the marathon, crossing the finish line, a system emphasizes the process that you have to go through to actually get there. So it's about building a routine or a framework that leads to consistent improvement. If you do this, what's crazy about it, you're more likely to actually hit your goals eventually. And so here's the reason why systems are so powerful. Number one, systems focus on what you can control. So while you can't always control the outcome of the goal that you're going for, you can't control the actions that you take every single day.

5:20So for instance, instead of saying something like, I want to write a book, you can create a system where you write 500 words every single morning. That's something that you can control. And if you can't get it in the morning, well, then you can move your schedule around to make sure you get it done before you go to bed. But then you're not focusing on just finishing the book, which seems like this big daunting task. You're just focusing on, hey, 500 words every single morning. And so this approach really puts the power back in your hands because it's about showing up consistently. And that's how you succeed is being consistent.

5:52The most successful people in the world are not the ones that just show up once or twice or a couple of times a week. They're the most consistent people in the world. So if your goal is to run a marathon and you roll your ankle the week before, and because of it, you can't run, well, you just failed. And that usually makes people feel like shit. And when people don't feel good, they're less likely to go for goals again. And then they feel bad about themselves and they lose confidence in themselves, all of that. And so a system would be better in this situation. A system would be something like, I'm going to run for 20 minutes every single day for a week.

6:27And then at the end of that week, I'm going to, every single week, I'm going to extend it by five minutes. And so week one would be 20 minutes. Week two would be 25 minutes. Week three would be 30 minutes. Week four would be 35 minutes and so on and so forth. And eventually you'll be running and finding yourself cranking out 15 miles because it was just normal for you because it's just part of the system, the routine of your life. And it's like, it goes back to that quote, which is the man who loves walking will go further than the man who's running to hit a goal. Over the course of the lifetime, the man who loves walking will go further than the person who's just like, I'm trying to run a marathon.

7:08And so that's the first thing that makes systems so powerful is that you can, it focuses really on what you can control. If you roll your ankle, you can't really control that. It might've been a rock that was in the road. You didn't see it. Something happened. And now you feel like a failure because you weren't able to cross the finish line versus like, Hey, I'm doing this system every single day. The second reason why systems are so important is because it builds sustainable actions for your life. And so by focusing on daily or weekly actions, you naturally start to build actions and habits in your life that stick.

7:39And we will be right back. And now back to the show. So if your goal, for instance, is to eat healthier, a system that would go along with that might involve meal prepping every single Sunday and then carrying a water bottle with you everywhere where you go throughout the day. This is the biggest key to systems is that over time, these small, consistent daily actions start to become second nature. They start to become who you are. And then the results will naturally start to flow from there. The third reason why systems are so important is because they reduce your decision fatigue. Like you don't realize how many decisions you have to make every single day.

8:19And now every single decision takes a little bit of energy from you. And so when you rely on a system, you don't have to consistently wake up and make decisions and figure out what you need to do and do something different. It's just like, no, you just follow it. The system tells you what to do. And so if you have a fitness system, like I'm going to work out it every weekday at 7am, you don't have to spend energy on when you're going to do it. You've already got it done. It's part of the system. And just by doing that, you free up mental energy in other areas of your life. And so you can use that mental energy, the decision making for something in business later on today.

8:55I read an article a couple years ago that said that Jeff Bezos only makes three decisions a day. That's what he focuses on. But they're the three most important decisions every single day to scale his life and his business. So if you're wanting to run more, you might just set up a system where you run every day like we were talking about. And so you add a few more minutes or you add a few more miles every single week so that you're getting progressive overload. And from that, you can actually start to grow. And so it might seem really small. But one thing that I've really learned by reading about neurology and about psychology is that the less that you have to make decisions, the more likely you are to take action.

9:30It makes it easier to take action. The more decisions that you need to make or the more opportunities or options that you have in front of you, for many people, turns into paralysis by analysis. They do nothing because there's too many things that they could do. So what I like to think of as less thinking, more doing. And then the fourth reason is why systems tend to be so incredible for people over goal setting is because they allow you to celebrate your progress. In the marathon example that I gave you, a lot of people would think that they are a failure if they don't cross the finish line. So the only thing that would make you succeed is crossing that finish line.

10:08So instead of waiting for the finish line to feel good, systems allow you to celebrate every single step along the way. And so run another five minutes this week, that's a win. Run another five minutes next week, that's a win. So you're always getting a lot more wins in the process. And when you get these wins and you get excited about it and you celebrate yourself and you get proud of yourself, your brain releases dopamine when you're celebrating your wins. And dopamine is a chemical of motivation, which makes you want to do more. And when you get dopamine, you want more dopamine, which means you're more likely to show up the next day.

10:41So each time you complete a part of your system, whether it's writing for 30 minutes or practicing a skill or learning a language or completing a task, you get a sense of accomplishment. In running a marathon, you kind of only really get the full sense of accomplishment when you've crossed the finish line. And so you're getting all of these little wins across the way, which makes you more motivated to show up the next day. And so let me give you a few like real life examples of what this could look like in your life. Let's say that you want to be more mindful, right? A goal approach would be, I want to meditate for 30 minutes every single day.

11:13And then if you miss a session, you've done this before, we've all done this before, you miss a session or you don't go for 30 minutes or you struggle to sit for 30 minutes, you might feel discouraged. You might feel like you lost and you might want to just quit altogether. So that's when you're focused on your goals. But when you're focused on your systems, it might just be like, I'll meditate for however long I can every morning after brushing my teeth. Even if it's two minutes, that's a win. With the system, you're not tied to this like rigid outcome or thing that you have to do. Some days you might meditate for five minutes.

11:46Some days it might be 20 minutes. The key point here is that you show up consistently and you integrate this routine into your daily routine. Showing up consistently is how you will eventually win in life. Let's say another one is like systems around fitness, right? A goal approach would be like, I want to work out five times a week. That means if you skip a session or two, you might feel like you failed and you're going to get discouraged and you're less likely to show up next week. How many of you guys have done that before? I'm going to work out five times this week. And you work out three times and you feel like a piece of shit.

12:20You get mad at yourself, down at yourself. You shame yourself. You get yourself. And then you don't show up next week and you quit. Yeah, because you don't make yourself feel good. Make yourself feel bad about it, right? So this makes you less likely to show up when you beat yourself up because you didn't hit your quote unquote goal. A systems approach would be like, I'm gonna move my body every day, even if it's just five minutes. The system focuses on creating a consistent habit of movement, whether it's stretching, walking, running, going to the gym, a full workout. Over time, you'll naturally build the routine of exercising regularly without this pressure of having to hit this fixed target.

12:59And you're more likely to, over the long run, get more movement than someone who's like, I have to work out five times a week, most likely in most situations. So that's an example. Another example would be like, if you want to learn a new skill, let's say that you want to become fluent in French this year. That's a goal approach. I want to become fluent in French this year. That goal can seem very overwhelming for a lot of people. And it makes it really easy to procrastinate when it feels overwhelming. You're more likely to procrastinate. And if you procrastinate, you're more likely to quit because the progress feels slow.

13:33A systems approach would be like, I'm going to spend 10 minutes every day practicing French on a language app. That's it. If you're focusing on consistency rather than progress, you're more likely to eventually get fluent. And so these small efforts compound into big results over time. Another example would be like, let's say you want to write a book. A goal approach would be like, I want to write a 300 page novel this year. That's a big deal. And if you fall behind schedule, it's tempting to be like, I'm too far behind. I'm just going to give up on this goal. A systems approach to be like, I'm going to write 200 words every morning after my coffee.

14:08That's it. All you got to do is just crank out 200 words. The system prioritizes showing up consistently. Even if your output's small, even if you end up throwing those 200 words away, writing just becomes part of your daily life and the pages will start to add up over time. Another example would be like, say you want to eat healthier. A goal approach would be, I want to stop eating junk food completely. And then you have one night where you slip up and you feel like you failed and it leads to guilt and shame and you want to give up on yourself, right? A systems approach would be like, I'm going to add one serving of vegetables to every lunch and every dinner that I have.

14:46So that system focuses on these small manageable chunks and these tiny little steps to improve your diet, making you healthier because you're showing up more consistently. And then the last example will be something like building better relationship with your spouse. I want to spend more quality time with my partner. Then you get one busy week and you forget to spend time with her and it leads to frustration and feelings like a failure. And then you get another busy week or maybe you're out of town and you feel like a failure. And then you just throw it off to the side because you don't want to feel the guilt of, oh my gosh, I'm such a bad spouse.

15:21That would be a goal approach. A systems approach would be like every night, I'm going to make us take 10 minutes and it's right before we go to bed. I just want to check in with my partner and just ask them about how their day was. And that's how I want to connect with them. The system creates this simple, repeatable habit that strengthens your connection without this pressure of planning activities or going on vacation or having to do a Friday date night every single night. Then you miss it because you have the kids or whatever it might be. So it's focusing on these systems, which are the most important.

15:54And so this is how you build your systems. It's quite simple. The first thing you're going to do is you're going to identify the desired outcome, aka the goal. So you're still going to want some sort of goal because it gives you some sort of direction that we're trying to go to. And so while the systems don't focus necessarily just on the goal, it gives you direction. So you make sure you're heading in the right direction. And so the first thing you're going to do is identify whatever the outcome is that you're working towards. Better relationship, better body, better mindset, better mindfulness, whatever it might be.

16:25The second thing is you're going to break it down into small daily habits. Ask yourself what small repeatable actions could lead to this outcome. So what small repeatable actions could lead to where I'm trying to get to. If you want to improve your fitness, your actions might include like daily stretching, going for a walk, doing strength training as often as you possibly can. So what are the small daily actions that you can do? The third thing is to make it specific and realistic. Get really clear guidelines on your system, but also make sure you keep it flexible. So instead of saying like, I have to do this, it's like, hey, here's what I want to do.

17:02So instead of saying like, hey, I have to meditate for 30 minutes every single day, like we said, It's like, I'm going to meditate for as long as I can after brushing my teeth. And as you start to do that, you'll become better and better at meditating and mindfulness, and you'll go a little bit further. And so you've got to be specific with what you want, but you got to be realistic. It's not like I'm going to brush my teeth and meditate for two hours after. That's probably not going to happen. So make it specific, but realistic. Number four is to track your progress. So the system and the reason why you want to have it is so that you're staying consistent.

17:32So track your progress in some sort of way. Put it down in your calendar. Have a notes tab in your phone where you can track and make sure that you're doing it every single day. And number five is try to refine it whenever you feel like you need to. Your system is not going to be perfect the first time that you set it. You'll learn what works. You'll learn what doesn't work. When it doesn't work, don't be an asshole to yourself. Don't guilt yourself and shame yourself and make yourself feel bad. It'd be like, oh, I just learned something that doesn't work for me. Let me make adjustments around this.

18:00So adjust it so that your system will eventually be as effective as possible, but also enjoyable in some sort of way. And so really what it comes down to is the beauty of these systems is that success becomes a byproduct of your actions. And when you focus on the process of what you're trying to do, the results tend to take care of themselves. And the best part about this is that you don't have to focus on success. You don't have to focus on the end result. You just focus on what you need to do today. You don't have to worry about tomorrow. You don't have to worry about yesterday. And eventually, success will be a byproduct of the actions that you take, which is essentially what's important.

18:39And it just makes it, if I'm being honest, it just makes it easier to continue to keep doing these things long term. And anytime you could do something long term, you're eventually going to get to the success that you want. So that is how you set up systems instead of goals. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories. tag me in at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So we don't have a huge company with a massive ad budget that's just trying to push our podcast out there.

19:09It only grows through grassroots. So anytime you guys share it, if you've ever gotten value from what I've put out, give it a share, share with a friend, put on your Instagram stories so we can impact more people's lives. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.