Speak to Yourself This Way and Create The Life You Want

0:28Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. your cell phone absolutely free. If you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to talk about how you speak to yourself in your head. I think that there are few things in this world that are more important than the way that you speak to yourself. The voice inside of your head and what it is saying to you. And I want you to think about this. I want you to think about what you would think about yourself and what you think other people would think about you if there was a speaker that was on your shoulder that just blasted out all of the dialogue in your head and everybody else could hear it.

1:12What would they think? You know, if they could, if they could hear, and you know, if I sat down with you and I could hear everything that you say to yourself on a daily basis, I think that it would be really obvious to see why your life is the way that it is. Even for someone who's not been coaching as long as I have, they could probably be like, well, yeah, it makes sense why you have this life because this is how you talk to yourself. And that person could probably make a very accurate assumption of where your life will be in a few years based off the way that you talk to yourself. And, you know, I can speak from experience of the way that I have shifted over years of the way I used to speak to myself, the how I speak to myself now.

1:52And before I kind of found, you know, how to speak to myself, I got into self-development when I was 19 years old. I really didn't start thinking about the voice inside of my head until I was about 22 years old. So we're talking about 2008 or so. And for me, like I was a very cautious person. And what I mean by cautious is like, I wouldn't put myself out there. I wouldn't, I wouldn't get out of my comfort zone. I made a whole lot of excuses as to why I didn't have the life that I wanted and why things weren't working out for me. And I was really good at blaming everybody else for myself and making myself a victim.

2:30I was also like the type of person who, even when I played sports, I would always shoot and hope I didn't miss. I never shot to make it, I feel like. When I played basketball, I would shoot and be like, hope it goes in. And I felt like that was kind of the overall feeling of my entire life, was like, hey, I hope it works out. I hope that I don't get screwed over today. I hope that I make some money. And it's like, hoping is not going to do anything for you. And so I was always like, I'll shoot and hope I don't miss. And then I learned that the way that I spoke to myself was very disempowering.

3:03And I relearned from mentors, but also just by trial and error of how I speak to myself. And I can tell you now, after being very, very diligent in the way that I speak to myself over the past 16, 17 years or so, after being very, very diligent in the way that I speak to myself, what I'm going to teach you absolutely works. When I first heard it back in like 2008, when I first started it, I didn't know if it worked. It sounded true. Like, okay, cool. If I changed the way that I speak to myself, I guess my life would be different. But I can tell you now, after 16 years of doing it, I can tell you with absolute certainty, if you change the way that you speak to yourself, your life will change.

3:44And so there's very few things in this world that are more important than changing that voice inside of your head to what you want it to say to you. Because we all have a voice inside of our head that's saying things. If you don't believe me, go meditate for an hour and see if no thoughts come in. Go ahead, give it a try. That's why meditation is so hard for people is because they think like, oh, I can't turn my brain off. I have so many thoughts. Well, you have a voice inside of your head that's always talking. It's always saying something. And this voice can say things like, oh, I need to get bread today.

4:15Or I need to go pick up the kids in 15 minutes. Or it can say stuff like, you're not good enough to be able to do that. You'll never amount to anything, so why even try? I'm too old to start a business, so I might as well just stick to what I'm doing now. I'll never get in the shape that I want to, so why even go to the gym in the first place? Oh, I'm too shy to go out. People think that I'm awkward. I'm not good with money. I always date the wrong guys, whatever it is. There's a voice that's inside of your head that you might not even notice. And if you're thinking about this, you need to start becoming aware of it.

4:54And I'll talk about that in a few minutes. But I want you to understand that somehow we learned this narration that's going on in our heads. Either we learned it from someone else, from our parents, from teachers, from brothers, sisters, from society. we inherited it because we saw our parents speaking that way about themselves and we're like oh I guess this is the way that we speak to ourselves or you created it based off of your life experiences maybe you got cheated on a couple times and now you've developed this thing of I'm not worthy of love or I always date the wrong guys or everyone or every every woman is a cheater whatever it might be that's inside of your head so it's either you learned it you inherited it or you created it based off of your life experiences.

5:37But if that voice doesn't help you and it holds you back in some sort of way, you have to be the one that rewrites the program. And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. You have to be the one that changes it. It's like a program inside of a computer. It's basically like a virus inside of your mind. It's a virus inside the computer. What do you need to do? You need to take the virus out. You need to replace it with something that's going to help that computer do what it needs to do to run efficiently. So for you, you need to take that virus out the way that you talk to yourself. You need to replace it with something that is empowering for you.

6:14It's like a song that's stuck in your head. And what you need to do is you need to get a new song stuck in your head. You need to find the new song. And it doesn't mean that this new song is going to go away or the old song is going to go away right away. And the new song is just going to replace it. No, you've been saying this to yourself for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. It's going to take some time. to change it. And so I want you to think about this for a second. And maybe you know it off the top of your head. Maybe you need some journaling, but what is the dominant thought in your mind that's holding you back?

6:45What is it? Is it that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough? I always date the wrong person. I'm unlovable. I'll never get in shape. What is it? What is the dominant thought that you feel? If you could identify one dominant thought, the main one that's holding you back the most, what is it? Now, I understand some of you might be very aware of it. Some of you out there have no idea right now, but you know that there's a thought, like you have this feeling, there's a thought, there's a feeling, there's an omnipresent vibe that's going on in your head that you just got to identify what it is.

7:17And you might not be aware of what it is. It's kind of like the story of like the fish swimming in the water, right? It's like two young fish are swimming in the water and there's an old fish that goes across and passes them. And he says, Hey, water feels great today, huh? And the two young fish look at each other and like, what's water? Because they're young. They've been in the water their entire lives. They don't even know that the water's there. And so it's like a fish swimming in water where it's like, you might've been saying this to yourself for so long that you're not even really aware of it, but you need to become aware of it.

7:47It's been there for so long, it's unnoticeable, but it doesn't mean it's unfindable. You just got to find it. And so what you need to do is you need to identify that dominant thought that you have inside of your head. And then you need to ask yourself, what is a dominant thought that I want that will help me create the life that I want? You need to create one, one dominant thought. That's it. Now I know, I know this works because I've talked with many of you guys out there. I get messages from you guys on Instagram and we chat back and forth on Instagram and stuff. And I know that I'll say, Hey, do this one thing.

8:19And then people will be like, well, if he said, do it one, one thing, if I do three of them, then, you know, if I, he said, create one habit. So if I create three, it's 300 % better. Oh, he said create one dominant thought. If I create three dominant thoughts, it's three times better. No, that's not the way that it works, okay? I want you to understand it's one thing and one thing only. And then after you feel in six months or a year or two years, whatever it might be, that this is already kind of like your dominant thought that's in your head, then what I want you to do is I want you to create another one after that.

8:49But I don't want you to create another dominant thought until you've literally got that dominant thought in your head. And so my question to you is, if you could create only one dominant thought that would help you change your life, what would it be? Okay. And this is what affirmations are. And I hate corny, cliche BS affirmations. Like I hate when I see people say, create affirmations and people will sit there and they'll put their hands out and they'll close their eyes and they'll say, money flows freely to me from all areas of the universe. Money flows freely to me from all areas of the universe.

9:23And then you open your eyes and you're like, that's bullshit. Why? Because we all have BS meters in our head. And so you know that the planet Pluto is not sending you, I guess it's not a planet anymore, the planet Jupiter that's not sending you$1 ,000 in your bank account. So clearly it's not coming from all areas of the universe, right? And so what I would prefer is that you create a real affirmation. And I have a three-step process, super simple, to create an affirmation. The first thing is it needs to be true. The second thing, it needs to be empowering. And the third thing is it needs to be present tense.

9:53So not like I'll get it in the future. It's like speaking now. So it's true. It's empowering. It's present tense. And so it doesn't mean like if you're broke, you just close your eyes and say, I'm rich. No, that's stupid because it's not true. And also the same time, it's not really that empowering because you're like, I don't know about this. This doesn't feel right. And so like examples, let me give you examples of what you could use if you're going through it. Now, don't steal these ones because, you know, these are just ones that I just randomly came up with. I want you to find one that feels true to you, like feels true deep down in your bones.

10:27Like, oh, yeah, this shit really gets me going. It really tickles your tots. That's what I'm looking for, right? So let's say like you, let's say you fear commitment. And that's the one thing like you really want to get into a relationship, but you've screwed a lot of relationships up because you fear commitment and all this stuff that comes with it, right? If you fear commitment, maybe you're right. And the first thing is it has to start with I am, okay? I am is super, super important. I am capable of making decisions that align with my values and my goals when getting into a relationship, right?

10:58Or if you're fearing commitment of starting a business, right? Whatever it might be. I'm capable of making decisions that align with my values and my goals. If I fear commitment in a relationship, it could also be something like, you know, I trust that no matter what happens in all of my relationships, it's exactly what's supposed to happen. Whatever it might be that feels right for you. If you have the fear of responsibility, it could be something like, I am prepared to handle increased responsibilities with grace in my life. So that you're like, oh yeah, instead of being afraid of extra responsibility, I am prepared to handle increased responsibilities with grace in my life.

11:31If you have a scarcity mindset, it might be something like, I trust that there is enough for everyone, including me and my life, and my life will be abundant in all aspects. I trust. So if you have scarcity, that means there's not enough. So the opposite of that is I trust that there's enough for everyone, including me, and my life will be abundant in all aspects. Financial worries. If you sit there and you worry about your finances all the time, I am open to new ways to increase my income. That's a good one. Or I'm worthy of financial abundance and stability. Cool. Great. If you have the fear of failure, I'm resilient and capable of overcoming all challenges.

12:11Fear of failure, you can get past it that way. The fear of success, I'm deserving of all of the success that comes my way. The fear of change, I am excited about the possibilities that change brings in my life. If you have the fear of rejection, I'm proud of myself for taking risks and putting myself out there. And here's the way that I recommend that you do it. Okay. I've recommended this to many people. I recommended this literally last week to a group of people, um, in this, this program that I have called mindset university. And I was like, Hey, just do this for seven days. And they came back yesterday and were telling me about it.

12:44And they're like, Oh my God, I can already tell a massive difference in the way that I feel literally for doing this, what I'm about to tell you for seven days. And what it is, is you go and you buy these things called mala beads, M a L a, you can buy them on Amazon for like 15, 20 bucks. and there's 108 beads. And what you do is you wake up in the morning and you use the mala beads and the affirmation to help you reprogram yourself, okay? So you have a dominant thought that's going on in your head and it's going over and over and over and over and over and over again throughout your head. Well, now we wanna change it.

13:13So what do we do? As soon as we wake up in the morning, we go to the bathroom, we brush our teeth, we drink water, and then you go and you meditate while your brain is still in theta state, which is basically hypnosis. And what you do is you say your affirmation 108 times. So you close your eyes and you basically touch each bead. So you touch the bead and you say, you know, let's say that you have the fear of change, right? I'm excited about the possibilities that all change brings in my life. And you go to the next bead. I'm excited about the possibilities that all the change brings in my life.

13:45Next bead. I'm excited about all the possibilities that change brings in my life. And you do it over and over and over and over and over again, 108 times. So you go through the whole beads and you'll see there's a way to know when you finally finish all of them. And then you just go out about your day. Because if you have the fear of change and you're fearing change that are coming up in your life, but you say I'm excited about the possibilities that change brings, and you start making that your dominant thought, then when things start to change, you don't get afraid of them anymore. But you're like, oh my gosh, I'm kind of excited for what could be.

14:13And so what you do is you're using these mala beads to actually start to reprogram your dominant thought. You're an adult now. It's time for you to reprogram yourself and not just go off of the programmings of your past and when you don't even know where they came from most of the time. For me, I speak to myself all the time. I've been doing this for years and years and years. I speak out loud to myself all the time. Literally, even today, I was doing it when I took the baby from my wife today, and he was crying and he was freaking out a little bit, and nobody in the house could calm him down.

14:43I was like, I'll calm him down. I pick him up, and I have this way of calming him back. So I calm him down and I start, you know, he stops crying within like 15 seconds. And then I'm walking up and down the hall with him and I'm saying, we're calm. We're cool. We're collected. We're calm. We're cool. We're collected. And I'm saying out loud, and I don't know if it's influencing him. It's influencing me. And if it's influencing my vibration, he's feeling it, right? Whether it's my vibration that changes, whether it's my, my, my scent that changes, but he smells it on me or whether he just knows that there's a difference.

15:14he gets really calm when he's around me and because I always try to calm myself so I speak out loud to myself all the time when I get into the gym and I feel like I'm weak and I feel like I'm a bitch and I'm not able to lift as much I say I'm powerful I'm powerful I'm powerful I change the music and I talk to myself and so I speak out loud to myself as much as I possibly can there's a lot of value in that where you know there's definitely good to say affirmations in your head but when you say I'm out loud to yourself it's not just in your head it's also coming out of your mouth. So it's using more of your body.

15:43It's creating vibration. Your body feels it inside. You're hearing it. You know, your eardrums are actually moving from the vibration of it. And so it's more powerful to speak out loud to yourself. When I feel down, when I feel tired, when I feel lost, I use my phrases. It's like a song stuck in my head. I was teaching this the other day. And one of the questions that was asked to me in Mindset University, she's as a lady that was in there said, well, what's some of the affirmations that you used to say to yourself? And I remember, I completely forgot about it until this question was asked to me.

16:12I remember that when I was at my most fearful, when I first started this podcast, when I first started my business, and I was like, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm good enough. I wrote down the affirmation, I am here to change the world. And I was like, holy shit, that feels real. That feels deep within my bones. I love that. That's true. That's empowering. That's present tense. That's the one I'm going for. I am here to change the world. So when I felt the feelings of, I don't know if I can do this, I immediately said, I'm here to change the world. And that affirmation of here to change the world was like, yeah, fuck you, little voice.

16:47I'm going to take over. I'm going to take control. And so what I did was I created this audio. I forgot that I did this. I took an audio that I loved. It was like a meditation audio. And I created my own breath work for myself. And so it was like, breathe in. And I'm speaking into my microphone over this audio, my own voice. I did this for myself. It was about 10 or 15 minutes long. and it was like breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out hold it and i breathe in and i'd hold it and it would go for like a minute and then the next one go for a minute 30 and the next one go for and i would do three rounds of breathing and then what i would do is when i got myself into a calm state after the breath work is i would repeat to myself the phrase but here's what's really cool about it is me on the audio that i was hearing was you are here to change the world.

17:33So I'm hearing it as if it's someone else speaking it to me. You are here to change the world. And then I would close, there would be a pause and I would have my eyes close to be meditating. And I would say out loud, I'm here to change the world. And then it would say back to me, you are here to change the world. And I would say, I'm here to change the world. And it would say, you are here to change the world. I'd say, I'm here to change the world. It would say, you are here to change the world. I'm saying, I'm here. And I am fucking reprogramming my mind to not be so worried and so fearful. And I don't know if I can do this because I don't know if I can do this is completely destroyed when I hear somebody, somebody quote unquote, saying to me in my head, you're here to change the world as if someone's speaking it into my mind.

18:10And then I'm saying it to speak it into existence. And so it's this way of just me repatterning myself to believe the thing that I want to believe. I still say it all the time, especially when I feel like, I don't know if I can do this, man. Like this is going to be a lot, like this is, this is a lot of responsibility. This is a lot of work. And then I'm like, I'm here to change the world. I'm like, fuck yeah, I am. What am I talking about? This is what I was made for. And so I want you to really start thinking about the one dominant thought that you need in your mind and start programming it into your brain by saying it over and over and over and over again.

18:42There's times when I'm driving my car and I'll turn off the music and I'll just say, I'm here to change the world. I'm here to change it. And it just changes everything and influences every aspect of my life. And so find your one dominant thought and start programming it into your mind with as much repetition as you possibly can. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories, tag me at Rob Dial Jr. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So I greatly appreciate it when you do. And then also, if you love this podcast, you'll definitely love something I have that's called Mindset Mentor Plus.

19:14It's a subscription service where for every single episode of this podcast that comes out, you're actually going to get a whole lot more. And so for every episode that comes out, you're going to get detailed worksheets, multiple pages, three, four, five, six pages sometimes that go even deeper into every single topic. You can print them out. You can underline them. You can highlight them. You can put your notes in them. Every single one of them comes with journaling prompts so that you can actually use these and integrate them into your life. There's assignments, there's challenges. There's an entire massive community of over 1300 people that you can connect with that are also part of Mindset Mentor Plus.

19:47And also at the same time, this is where I do my monthly Q &A session so you can actually ask me questions directly. So if you're interested to learn more about it, just go to mindsetmentor.com. Once again, mindsetmentor.com. The best part about it is it's way less than a dollar a day. And so if you're interested in learning more about it, go to mindsetmentor.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.