Stop Being An Audience Member Of Your Own Life

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1:40Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. Today, I want to start off and give you a phrase that I made up, and the phrase is this, I will not let anybody piss on my picnic. So let me explain what that means to you, because without context, it makes no sense. It means that I'm going to make today a great day, regardless of what happens to me, regardless of who tries to come and piss on my picnic, metaphorically speaking, of course, I'm going to have a great day no matter what.

2:19And to be fully transparent with you, and without getting into too many details, I started thinking this way because there's someone who's in my life that I see pretty often, and I can't completely get rid of this person in my life, but I notice how sometimes this person comes around every once in a while, and they just kind of try to bring everyone down. They almost have like negativity coming out of their pores. And I noticed that when they would come over and try to piss on my picnic, I noticed that my energy would shift to a place of not wanting to be around them and starting to get a little bit pissed off that they were around or starting to get pissed off that they were talking to this person that way or talking to me this way.

3:01And so I noticed that my energy started to shift. And I just said to myself, I was like, nope, I'm not gonna do it. I will not let them piss on my picnic. And I said that phrase to myself and I like laughed out loud. And I was like, that's a good like pattern interrupt. I notice myself getting pissed off because of somebody or something not being the way that I want. And I say, nope, nobody's going to piss on my picnic. I kind of laugh about it. It gets me out of my little pissed off mood. And then I'm like, oh, I'm kind of in a good way. And if that person wants to have a shitty day, fine, completely up to them.

3:34But I will not let it affect me in my day. Because I'm out here trying to live an epic life, like the best life that I possibly can. And I don't have this negative Nancy come in and ruin my day. then that's not going to help me live an epic life. And so I just want to say it up front. When you really look at it, this is a decision. It's you saying that you are not at the mercy of your circumstances. And I really want you to understand this. You are not at the mercy of your circumstances. You're not having a bad day because things are chaotic. You're having a bad day because of the way that you're thinking about your current circumstances of life.

4:13That's it. I'm not judging anybody on it, but you're not having a bad day because of your life, because of that person, because of your circumstance, because of your bank account. You're having a bad day because of the way that you're thinking about those things. And that right there puts you into a place of power. Because if I think, or if you think that the way that you feel is just because of your circumstance or because she said this to you or because your boss said that to you or because you didn't make as much money this month as you wanted to, if you're saying, I feel this way because of that thing that's outside of me or that person that's outside of me.

4:47You are a victim. And if you're a victim, there is nothing that you can do about that. So you're basically saying, my life is just the way that it is. And I'm going to feel like shit because of the way my life is. But when you sit there and you decide how you want to feel and who you want to be, and you make that decision, you are now in a place of power. You are in a place of control in your life. It is your choice. And if it's your choice, then you can change it. And so what I want to talk about is just deciding to be the person that you want to be. I would say that most people wait for conditions of their life to give them permission to feel good.

5:30And people think things, and I've done this for years of my life, like, oh, if this meeting goes well, then I can finally relax. Or if my partner's in a good mood, then I'll feel better. Or, you know, if the universe would just cooperate with me, then I could finally be happy. Or like once I get X amount of dollars in my bank account, then I'll have less stress. But that's not actually true because let's tell the truth. That is basically emotional outsourcing is what you're doing. That's you giving away your peace to whatever or whoever is the loudest today. And that's the complete opposite of being in control of your own life.

6:10Like you don't need to have a perfect day to be a powerful person, to be a person who takes action, be a person who loves everybody as much as they can, have as much joy and happiness and fulfillment. You don't need a perfect day for that shit. And to be honest with you, you won't have many perfect days in your life because most of the times stuff's going to go off the rails. And so what you need is you need a decision that no matter what happens, I'm going to be this way. And that decision sounds like no one can piss on my picnic. Today is mine. And I've already decided that today is going to be amazing.

6:42And you just have that mantra running through your head no matter what. And it shifts you out of your little negative Nancy mindset that you might get into or shifts you into paying attention to this thing or saying, I'm not going to be happy because of that. But ultimately, the point here is the decision. You have to decide who you will be no matter what. That is actually the only thing that you're really in control of. Not the circumstances. You can decide who you want to be, how you want to think, how you want to feel, and how you want to act. Everything else, kind of just got to hope that it goes well.

7:15You can't control anything else besides that. and the person that you decide to be each day is a decision, whether you realize it or not. But for most people and for me, for many autopilot years of my life, it was an unconscious decision to be the same person that I was yesterday. I'm just going to be the same person that I was yesterday because this is the way I've always been and this is all that I know. And when you look at neuroscience, neuroscience actually shows you that your thoughts create your feelings. your feelings drive your actions and your actions shape your entire reality and so what should we go back to anytime something is screwed up in our life going back to our thoughts and this isn't like woo woo stuff like hey you should pay attention to your thoughts man your thoughts reflect your reality no this is actual real neuroscience so when your brain says oh god today's just so hard or uh i didn't sleep well so today's not going to be a great day or oh my gosh, this is just, it's just been so tough today.

8:16When you're, when you say that, and you think that, you feel different. You feel heavy. It's just a hard day. And when you feel heavy, you act sluggish because you act based off of how you feel. And we will be right back. When it comes to running a successful business, building better habits requires discipline and real focus. So anything that removes friction and helps you stay locked in on growth, that matters. Walmart business helps simplify your routine, saving you time, money, and unnecessary hassle. Get exactly what you need to set yourself up for success with an ever-expanding assortment of the office supplies you trust.

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11:15So go make it one. Start your free trial at shopify.com slash dial. Start your free trial at shopify.com slash dial. And now back to the show. And you might be sluggish. You might be short-tempered. You might be withdrawn. You might be acting exhausted. And it creates a day that feels hard, even if nothing is catastrophic in your life. Like, oh my God, today was so hard. What happened? Oh, you didn't get as much sleep as you wanted to. Oh, your boss sent you an email and it made you start thinking about things. Oh, you know, the person who made your lunch didn't make it the way that you wanted to.

11:53Oh, boo-hoo, right? It's like not the worst thing in the world that could happen. There's so many people out in the world whose lives are so much worse than yours and still they're happier than you. And so many people are really self-sabotaging their entire lives because their mind goes unchecked. And this turns a bad thought into a bad feeling. and when you feel bad, you don't usually take proactive steps in your life to make your life great. And so you're just self-sabotaging and kicking yourself in the crotch every single day. And the brain is not the enemy. It's just really, really good at being right.

12:31You know, it looks for confirmation that your dominant thoughts are true. And so it looks for proof that what you think is true. And in psychology, this is called the confirmation bias. Your brain is constantly searching to confirm what you think is true, no matter what you think is true, whether you think that you're a shitty person or if you think that you're an amazing person, or if you think that he's an asshole or you think that he's a good person, or you think that life is hard or you think that life is amazing. It filters out anything that doesn't match up with your dominant thoughts and your emotional state.

13:09And it runs and turns into old patterns that just continue to keep going unless you give them a new direction. But you have to be the person that steps in. You have to be the person to take a mental step back, look at your life, and realize like, let's be honest, life ain't as bad as we tend to make it out to be in our mind. Like if you just pause, and I like to pause people in the moment, I'm like, just look around you for a second. And I'm on a Zoom call with a bunch of people and I say, look around you for a second. You're thinking about the things that are stressful, the things that are wrong, the things that are not the way that you want them to be, and it's ruining your day.

13:44But if you take a step back and you just think, oh my gosh, I have food in my belly. I'm sitting in air conditioning. I have enough money to pay for a computer and be on the internet. You know, I'm part of a course with a whole bunch of amazing people. I'm improving myself. I'm growing, life's pretty good. It's not that terrible. So wherever you are, like if you're in a coffee shop or you're in your car or you're in a boardroom, or if you're crying on your bathroom floor, I guarantee you this, there is somebody, if not many people on this planet right now going through a whole bunch worse shit than we are that would love to trade places with you right now.

14:24They would give up everything to trade place with you right now, even on your worst day, even in your deepest struggles, even if you're crying on the bathroom floor because someone else is seeing that and going, I wish that I had food in my belly like they do. I wish that I had an air-conditioned bathroom that I could cry in. Like this is something that I do to myself all of the time is I have to check my own perspective and change my perspective in the moment. Because as humans with a negativity bias, our minds will almost always go to negative. And so, you know, lately sometimes that happens that the baby wakes up at four o 'clock in the morning.

15:00He's crying. He needs to be fed. I don't want to be up. I want to be asleep. But then as I'm sitting there and I'm feeding him, it's four o 'clock in the morning. I'm like, oh God, I just want to be asleep. We get all pissed, whatever it might be. I think they're like somebody else in the world would give everything that they have to trade places with me. maybe they can't conceive they trade everything to be in the place of of sitting here right now feeding a baby at four o 'clock in the morning right maybe they they lost a child maybe their children are grown and out of the house and they're older now and they just think oh my god i would love to go back to those days i'm living in somebody else's dream to someone else in this world, you're living their version of heaven on earth.

15:49Is your family messy? It's their dream. Your job, you're bored with, you don't get treated as well as you want to, somebody's ultimate goal out there. Your body that you criticize and talk shit to, somebody else's unanswered prayer. It's like the phrase, when someone's healthy, they have a thousand wishes. When someone's unhealthy, they have one wish, right? And it's just, it's so wild how often we just go to the negativity and not being like, well, who do I want to be? How do I want to think? And how can I think about how amazing my life is no matter what happens? This doesn't mean that things aren't hard.

16:25It doesn't mean that you don't strive for more. It doesn't mean that you're not allowed to think that way or to be that way or to try to grow or try to improve or try to make more money or have more fun or build your business. It just means that you don't have to wait for more in order to feel good now. And so it's like, you have to realize you're not the thermometer in your life. You're the thermostat in your life. Like the reframe to change your life is most people walk into a room and they feel the vibe and they absorb the vibe and they act the way that, you know, people around them are acting.

16:57They take on stress or they take on drama. They take on someone's low energy or negativity. That's like a thermometer, right? They just reflect the temperature that's around them. But not you. Not anymore. You're not going to be that person anymore. You have to be the thermostat. You have to decide that you are going to set the tone. Whether it's around other people or whether it's just in your own damn life, you need to set the tone. You need to choose the energy that you're going to have no matter what. I'm setting the temperature, not adjusting to the temperature. You don't absorb anything.

17:30You generate everything. That's leadership. That's responsibility. That's freedom more than anything else. Freedom is when you stop living somebody else's life that was programmed or conditioned into you when you were younger. And you just think to yourself, I'm going to decide from this moment forward. Okay. Yeah. Maybe you're 37 years old and you've been this person. You've been Stacey up until 37 years old. And you've been that person that's been programmed from childhood and from teenage years and through relationships. And you've been programmed to be this person. That was chapter one of my life.

18:02Now we're going going to flip to chapter two. I'm going to decide who I want to be, how I want to act, what I want to do, and how I want to feel every single day. Who I want to be, how I want to act, what I want to do, and how I want to feel. And I'm the one that's in charge of that. That's pretty much the only thing that I'm in control of. And that's the only thing that you're really in control of as well. And so what you have to ask yourself is who are you choosing to be today? What kind of person do you actually want to be? No matter what's going on with the rest of everything, the weather outside and the people around you, no matter what happens around you, who do you want to be?

18:38Do you want to be the grounded one? Do you want to be the hard worker? Do you want to be the playful one? Do you want to be filled with joy and love? Do you want to be the high vibration, unfazed person? What do you want to be? The good news is that's not who you are. Like that version of you, There's 400 versions of you throughout your entire life. You just need to decide which one of that versions you want to be. You want to be the one that's full of joy? I bet there's one moment in your life where you're full of joy. That version of you already exists. They're not like a someday person. Like when I get to this destination, finally I'll feel this way.

19:12Or, you know, after the kids are grown and they're out of house, then I can be this type of person. No, they're decision you. They are who you decide to be. and everyone wakes up, as I said earlier, and decides to be somebody every single day. It's just that most people do it unconsciously and they're just unconsciously deciding to be who they were the day before and the day before that and the day before that. And it's, as Alan Watts says, it's all wretch and no vomit. Like nothing actually changes. Nothing actually happens. And you get to access that person whenever you want. The new person, simply by deciding who you want it to be and choosing the thoughts that match their identity.

19:56And so let me give you kind of just a simple step-by-step process, right? I want you to actually follow these steps. The first thing you want to do is you want to anchor that identity as soon as you wake up in the morning with an identity statement. You know, you need to decide who you want to be in the morning. And then what you need is you need to anchor it with some sort of statement and write it on a piece of paper. Today, I will be dot, dot, dot. Or today, I am the kind of person who dot, dot, dot, right? Today, I'm the type of person who stays calm under pressure. Today, I'm the type of person that nothing fazes.

20:33Today, I'm the type of person that is filled with love and joy. I'm the type of person who finds ultimate happiness and all the mundane things. I'm the type of person who has a fucking amazing day, even if I get hit by a car. That's how I'm going to feel. That is my internal GPS of my destination for the day, where I am and where I'm going. So that's the first thing. Next thing you need to do is you need to have some sort of mental reframe. Every time something doesn't go the way that you want to, or someone doesn't act the way they want to, or something quote unquote bad happens to you. It's not like, oh my God, why is this happening to me?

21:10Why does this always happen to me? It's like, hey, this is happening, but I already decided who I'm going to be. What's the opportunity here? because I'm not going to get all negative about her. Woe is me. Or you say like what I said, hey, okay, this person is going to be this way. I'm not going to let him piss on my picnic. I'm having a great fucking day, right? And you go back to your decision from this morning and you be the person that you said you're going to be. So that's the next one. The third thing that I recommend if you can do it is a visual trigger, like a physical object that reminds you of who you're becoming in that morning.

21:42It could be like a ring. It could be a watch. It could be a note that you write down in a sticky note and you decide to take that and put it on your computer in the morning. And you say, this is who I'm deciding to be. So that when something happens, you look at that note and you're like, that's right. It could be a playlist that you listen to. Something that says like, hey, this is the vibe that I'm choosing today. Shit hits the fan, I'm putting on my playlist. I'm playing my playlist all day long. And so you see this thing, the ring, the watch, the sticky note, whatever it might be. you hear it if it's the music in the background multiple times a day to just remind you because we always slip back into our old version of ourself we want to bring ourself back and my challenge to you is to try this for one day like just decide who you want to be and then be that person no matter what don't abandon that person no matter what happens no excuses and watch how different you feel by 8 p.m today and so listen the world is loud it's reactive it's panicked there's always something that's wrong.

22:41I promise you. My entire life, there's never not been something that's wrong. On the news, on stations, everything, there's always something that's wrong. But when you choose peace, when you choose joy, when you choose happiness, when you choose purpose, when you decide that nobody can piss on your picnic, you're rebelling against the status quo. You're rebelling against the old you. It's you being who you want to be from now on, not who you're programmed to be. So next time the day tries to knock you down, knock you off course, just smile. Say, that's funny. I've actually already decided that today's going to be freaking amazing.

23:18And then I'm going to go out and make it so. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. With that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day. You wouldn't take financial advice from a 72 hours in a single day alpha influencer, would you? Same goes if you're in a car accident or any accident. Who you choose matters. That's why Morgan & Morgan exists. They're the largest injury law firm in America, and they've built a reputation by actually winning cases, not just talking about it.

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