Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Today

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1:52your relationships, your health, your happiness, every area of your life, this is for you. I'm going to show you exactly what that ceiling is made of and what it takes to break through it for good. Grab your free spot right now at BreakTheCeiling2026.com. Once again, BreakTheCeiling2026.com and I'll see you live on that session. Today, I'm gonna be talking to you about the psychological reason that your brain self-sabotages you, but then I'm gonna talk about how to become aware of that psychological thing and then how to actually use it for your own self-improvement so that you can learn and you can grow.

2:29You have beliefs about yourself. You have beliefs about the world. You have beliefs about other people. And you will always look for confirmation that your beliefs are true. And what this does is it doesn't free you in any sort of way. It actually kind of creates an invisible prison that you're stuck in. And it's one of the main reasons why people stay stuck in the same place and unconsciously self-sabotage themselves. Like the amount of times that I hear coaching clients say like, I self-sabotage or I'm trying so hard, but I feel like even no matter how hard I work, it feels like my wheels are just spinning and I'm not going anywhere.

3:07Well, the confirmation bias is usually a really, really big piece to this. And that's why I want to dive into it with you today. So when you look at the confirmation bias, basically at its core. The confirmation bias is the brain's way of protecting its existing model of the world, which would also be known as your beliefs. So what you will do naturally as a human is you will seek out evidence that supports your beliefs so that your beliefs actually get stronger. You will also interpret neutral events in ways to fit your beliefs. And then when you actually get evidence that challenges your beliefs, you will reject that evidence that is right in front of your face because it doesn't line up.

3:52And the reason why this is a trap is because the smarter that you are, the better that you are at rationalizing your bias. Well, that sucks, huh? Because I'm assuming if you're listening to this podcast, you're a pretty intelligent person. You want to learn and you want to grow and you're interested in science and psychology and neurology and all of that. So you're probably pretty smart, which means you're actually better at rationalizing your bias. There was a study that was done that really like brought this home and turned it into a big psychological realm. There's a study that was done in Stanford in 1979.

4:25And they basically took two groups of people. One group supported the death penalty and the other group opposed the death penalty. And they gave both groups two research studies. One of the research studies, quote unquote, proved that the death penalty stopped people from committing crimes. And then the other research paper proved that it didn't. And then they had both of them read through them. And guess what? The result? People on both sides, everybody, doubled down on their original opinion. So hold on. You're telling me they didn't become more open-minded? No, they became more certain that they were right.

5:08They had proof that they were right, but then they also have proof that they were wrong. And they unconsciously identified with the research paper that proved what they already believed. Which means that your brain is less likely to be objective, like hopefully a really good judge would be, being objective and seeing all of the facts and everything that's in front of us. And it's more likely to be subjective like a lawyer that's hired to win your case, even if that means hiding evidence. And this is a really key part because I always say like your brain is like cosmic Google. If you want to go into Google and you type something in, you're going to find your answer in Google.

5:48And so if you go into Google and you type in, is coffee good for your eyesight? You will find tons of stories, studies about how coffee is good for your eyesight. If you go into Google and type, is coffee bad for your eyesight? You will get a whole bunch of studies about how coffee is bad for your eyesight. Your brain works the exact same way. If you go into your brain's Google and you say, why am I not good enough? Why am I not smart enough? Why am I a loser? Why am I not making enough money? And that's basically what we're doing all the time. Why am I not worthy of love? All of the data, all of the evidence that you need is sitting right there ready for it.

6:22But the problem is you're looking through that perspective and not the other perspective. And that's why you stay stuck. And your confirmation bias will hijack your perspective and your perception. So, you know, to understand why it's so powerful, you need to understand like how and where it operates. So when you look at your perception, it's basically what you see and the meaning that you assign to what it is that you see. And your confirmation bias will really mess with this. So your confirmation bias will actually determine how you see the world, how you observe the world, and then the meaning that you give the things that happen around you.

7:02And so like, here's the way you want to think of the confirmation bias, okay? Imagine that I am driving a car and you're next to me in the passenger seat. And as I'm driving the car, I start hearing a weird clicking noise. And I'm like, oh my God, something's wrong with my car. and I pull off and I go onto the next exit, my brain is going to filter out almost everything except for what looks like it might be a mechanic shop or someplace they can help me fix my car. If you're really hungry, you're not going to notice any of the mechanic shops. What are you going to do? You're going to notice every place that we could possibly eat.

7:38And then let's say our friend is in the backseat and our friend in the backseat really has to go to the bathroom. They're not going to notice anything except for places where they could possibly go to the bathroom. There's a gas station. There's a McDonald's. Oh my God, there's a bush. I have to go so bad. Just let me pull over to the bush. So we're in the same car. And this is a phrase that I always am quoted for is we're all seeing the same thing, but we're all seeing something different. That is what perception is. And perception is changed by our confirmation bias. I'm seeing anything that looks like a mechanic shop.

8:11You're seeing anything like a place where you could go and eat. our friend is seeing anything that looks like a place where he could go to the bathroom. So you want to think of your perception as like your brain's interpretation filter. And here's how your brain will be hijacked by your perception and also your confirmation bias. And we will be right back. I struggled with staying consistent until I took James Clear's habit building class on Masterclass. Focusing on small daily actions made a huge difference. Unlike other learning platforms, Masterclass puts you in the room with the people who define their fields.

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11:20That's code mindset mentor at im8health.com slash mindset mentor. Code mindset mentor at im8health.com slash mindset mentor. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. And now, back to the show. It will spot what supports you. So your brain will pay attention to the details that confirm what you already think. It will bend the meaning of other things. You know, research has found that we will actually change neutral facts to interpret them to fit our pre-existing story. and it will dismiss anything that happens to challenge what our beliefs are.

12:02So any information that contradicts will just reject it, will minimize it, or will just ignore it entirely. And so like an example of this is like, say you and I decide to go out and get dinner and we have another friend that's going to be coming, right? And we go there and one of our friends who's supposed to be coming the third friend, they cancel on us. And you might have the perspective of people are unreliable just from beliefs and things that have happened to you in your past. Well, then our friend canceling, you're gonna perceive that as proof why people can't be counted on. And if I'm sitting there and I'm like, my perspective is life gets busy, then I might perceive it as just, oh, that's normal, it's not a big deal.

12:42Like they have a newborn, so that's gonna happen and it's forgivable. It's the same event, it's different perception. And so confirmation bias works behind the scenes to make sure that the story that is inside of your head matches what you're actually seeing in reality, what you're perceiving in reality, even if it means that you have to distort reality. I actually love to challenge myself. It's a game I've really kind of become good at. And I noticed myself a couple of years ago doing this in basketball. And I was watching basketball games and it was the NBA playoffs. And my team was in the playoffs and there would be a foul and the other team would foul.

13:18And it'd be like a little, you know, they'd foul my team. It'd be like a little barely touching. I'd be like, yeah, that's definitely a foul, you know? And then my team would barely touch the other person like, oh my God, he barely touched him. And it's like, actually, no, objectively, that's a foul. So my sports team is basically like someone else's equivalence of their belief of not being good enough or smart enough or any of that. We all do it. We all have a confirmation bias. And so what we need to do is really start to challenge ourselves, challenge our perspective, because you can't completely remove your perspective because it's part of being a human, but you can challenge it and you can check it against reality so that you can actually see more clearly, which is what we all really want to do.

14:01We want to see reality clearly, not through a distorted lens. And so here's what you need to do. Find all of your beliefs about yourself, about your religion, about the world, about politics, about other people, about everything, what you're capable of, any of that. Then when you notice that belief come up, what I want you to do, challenge it. I want you to act like your entire life you've been on one side of the debate room, and now you're going to go on the other side of the debate room, and you're going to try to debate yourself as to why your belief is actually false. And you're going to look for evidence for why your belief is not true.

14:38Because your beliefs you should hold really loosely. A belief is just a thought that you've had so many times that you actually think that it's true. but you're living in your own hallucination. Your beliefs are very, very, very rarely objectively true. Almost any belief that we hold can be proven false. And so if we don't challenge our beliefs, our beliefs can really become a prison. And you want to be free. So your goal here isn't to completely erase all of your perspective. It's really just to try to see the truth more clearly. Because if you can see the truth more clearly, you can get yourself free from your own beliefs and your old identities.

15:19And then you can actually start to shift your life. You know, when you learn to challenge the angle that you're looking from, your perception stops being a mirror of our biases. And it starts becoming a window to see objective truth more clearly. And so why you want to change your confirmation bias, because you might be saying they're going, well, I have these beliefs. I've had these beliefs my entire life. Like, why would I need to change them in the first place? Well, because if not, we get stuck in echo chambers where we try to find other people who think exactly like we do. And we mistake agreement from other people for actual truth.

15:55This is why you'll very rarely ever see somebody who believes on one side of the political spectrum watching the news from the other side of the political spectrum is because they don't want to actually have their confirmation bias in any sort of way challenged, and their beliefs challenged any sort of way. And when you stay stuck in any sort of place, you lose the opportunity to grow. You know, the stuff that makes you uncomfortable that you don't want to hear never gets past your mental firewall. And so you never grow in any sort of way. So you build this distorted reality that feels real to you, but it's really just one giant hallucination that you live in.

16:35and the more invested that you are, like emotionally invested you are in a belief, the stronger the bias actually becomes. And then that belief, especially if that belief is tied to your identity of who you think you are, then changing your mind and changing your identity and your belief about yourself feels like changing who you are and your brain will almost always fight that at all costs. But this, for you guys that are out there that self-sabotage a lot or that start something and can't finish it, this is usually the main thing that's holding you back, which is your identity. This is my main thing that I really harp on and I really try to help people overcome and coach people on and stuff.

17:13I try to help people get free from the identity of who they think they are. Because you can try to change in your life and try to grow, but if you don't change your identity of who you think you are, you will almost always fall back into the cycle of self-sabotage. Your identity is just a set of beliefs about yourself. And as I said, beliefs are not objectively true. They are just thoughts that you've been thinking for so long that you believe that they are true. And so this becomes very uncomfortable for a lot of people. Most people would rather be comfortable, sit in their beliefs, and just stay in their beliefs forever.

17:48The reason why I feel so uncomfortable is because your brain actually treats belief-changing evidence as a physical threat. This is why you see so many people get mad when their beliefs are challenged. It's like an animal that's being backed into a corner that needs to attack in order to get out. And they actually found in FMRI studies that when people encounter information that contradicts their really strong political beliefs, that their brain's amygdala, which is their fear center, actually lights up. It's the same region that's activated during physical danger. And so the translation of that is challenging your beliefs and your mind feels like death to your nervous system.

18:32But the paradox of all of this is that the willingness to be wrong and to challenge your belief, any beliefs is the quickest way to changing yourself. Instead of being so set in your ways, be open to being more malleable. Be open to being proven wrong. Because when you break your confirmation bias, you see things more clearly, not from a perspective that's clouded in old beliefs. You make better decisions and then you will be able to actually grow. And at that point, stop self-sabotaging yourself. And so the thing that you need to realize when you start actually looking about this, looking through this, is that you find your beliefs and then you challenge your beliefs in some sort of way.

19:16I had a client years ago and she had like a series of breakups, right? And she knew that she was the problem in her relationships. And it was her perspective. And her identity was, I'm the problem in my relationships. Nobody wants to be with me. And I was like, okay, so that was her perspective. And I'll listen to her perspective. But then I go, as a coach, I go, I need to challenge her perspective to see if maybe there's something that might be untrue in this perspective. So then we broke it down. And she had two breakups that were mutual breakups in a row. she had another breakup that was due to a relocation.

19:55The guy had to move for work. And one of them was, you know, someone that was incompatible with. And so was it a fact that she was the problem that nobody wants to be with her? No, that was her interpretation of the events that happened. And that's usually what our beliefs are and our perspective is. And so when we looked at the facts, her interpretation kind of dissolved. And then And her story as it shifted had to shift her beliefs. So it's important for us to try to see the facts, the objective truth, and not listen to the interpretation. Her old belief had filtered all of this data to fit her story of, I'm the problem, they don't want to be with me.

20:35And once she saw the full picture and she saw all of the truth and all of the data, her story shifted. And as her story shifted, her identity was able to shift as well. So she didn't just change her perception. she actually changed her identity of herself as well. Oh, if I'm not the problem, then actually that might mean that I can get into a relationship again and be okay. And once you see it from a different perspective, you cannot unsee it. And so that's really what it comes down to, is that we are not seeing the world as it is. Like you're not seeing the world as it is. You're seeing the world as you are through this lens of perception in your confirmation bias.

21:18And so you have a choice. You can live in the mental equivalent of sitting in a dark room with all of the blinds down and say, this is just how that is. This is how the world is. This is how my identity is. These are my beliefs. Or you can realize you're in a dark room. You can rip open the blinds and you can see the entire truth. Because the scariest thing about the confirmation bias isn't that it makes us wrong. It's that it makes us sure that we're right. And certainty is one of the most dangerous illusions that you can believe in. And so what I want you to do is if you really want to grow and improve yourself, start to challenge your beliefs more often and see things from a different perspective.

22:00That is how you'll become more free. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with anyone that you know that would like to listen to it. And if you have ever felt like you're the one holding yourself back with your income and your relationships and your health, I have a live lesson you're going to want to be a part of. I'm going to show you exactly how to break through every ceiling that you have and break through for good so that your life changes. You can grab your free spot at break the ceiling 2026.com. Once again, break the ceiling 2026.com.

22:29And with that, I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still, not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now, we're here to help you keep going further. Capella University, what can't you do? Visit capella.edu to learn more. Imagine relying on a dozen different software programs to run your business. None of which are connected. Some say Odoo is like a magic beanstalk, scaling with you while being magically affordable.

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