Stop Sh****ing On Yourself

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the mindset mentor podcast the number one mindset podcast in the entire world thanks to you guys. If you're out there and you're the type of person who's trying to learn and grow and understand more about yourself so you can make your life better, go ahead and hit that subscribe button. We put out episodes four times a week to help you learn, grow, and improve. Today, I'm gonna be talking about why you should stop shitting all over yourself. Now, I didn't say shitting all over yourself. I say shitting all over yourself. What I'm gonna teach you today is something that can absolutely change your life if you actually start understanding it and implementing it into your life.

0:46It is a way of speaking to other people, but especially the way that you speak to yourself and about yourself. So for those of you guys that are out there, I do a lot of coaching. I have something called Mindset Mentor University, where I actually help people who are, you know, every single week we have coaching calls. I also have something called Business Breakthrough, where I teach people how to grow coaching businesses. And one of the things that I hear a lot recently, and it's been so much that I'm like, I got to talk about this, is people using shame and guilt words, like shaming themselves and guilting themselves over and over and over again.

1:22And so what is a shame or guilt word or phrase? It's something like, I should have done this. I shouldn't have done that. I need to. I have to. I must. All of those have shame and guilt. kind of in the underlying tone of them. And most people don't realize that they're using those words. Oh, I should, my business should be further along than it is right now. Really? Is it? No, then it shouldn't be further than it is right now. Because otherwise, if it was supposed to be further along, then it would be. And so, you know, if something were supposed to be different in this world, it would be. If you were supposed to be further along, you would be.

2:09You have to understand So when people start saying should, you have to realize what they're doing is they're actually guilting themselves and shaming themselves in some way. And so we all do this, just FYI. It's just kind of something that we all do. But if you can start to become aware of it, you can start to change your patterns. You can start to change your words. You can start to change your phrases in the moment. But the one that I hear more than any of the other ones is the word should. and one thing I hear from so many people is where their lives should be. They say something like, oh, I should be making more money.

2:44I'm 35 years old. I should be making more money. You know, I'm about to turn 40. I should have kids by now. I'm 50 years old. I should have my life figured out. You have to realize like where, just think about that for a second. You should be making more money. You should have kids by now. You should have life figured out. Where the hell did that come from? Where did it come from? Because what you're doing is you're trying to live up to expectations that are clearly not in reality because that's not the way that life is currently right now. So where the hell did that come from? Where did your should come from?

3:25Have you ever stopped, like taken a step back and actually thought about that? Okay, I'm really thinking that I should be further along. Like one of the things that happened with, there was a really interesting thing about Lauren and I's relationship is we didn't get engaged for seven and a half years. And everybody was like, well, you should be married by now. You should be engaged by now. And I was like, who the fuck are you to tell me where my relationship should be? Right? And so it's like other people's expectations placed on top of our lives doesn't do us any good. And then our own expectations placed on top of our lives doesn't do us any good as well.

4:00And so it was really an interesting thing because I think Lord and I have a great relationship. We just did an episode that you guys can go back and listen to together. And we didn't get engaged for seven and a half years, but we lived together. We traveled the world many times. We had a whole lot of fun. And I remember different people in my family being like, well, you've been together for six years. You should be married. I'm like, no, I shouldn't be. I can do whatever I want. It's my life, right? So people had these expectations. I remember people going up to Lauren and being like, aren't you, aren't you afraid?

4:33Like, shouldn't you, shouldn't you guys be married by now? And like, it was really an interesting predicament to see other people's paradigms of what our relationship should be placed on top of our relationship. And that has nothing to do with us. That's other people's expectations. That's other people's frames, thoughts, paradigms, fears, whatever it might be placed on top of us. And we have to be very aware of when that's starting to happen. Other people are trying to place their expectations on top of us. And, you know, when we're also placing expectations on top of ourself. But have you ever stopped and actually thought about it before?

5:11Like if somebody else is telling you where you should be, is that really your life? If you're sitting there and you're shaming and guilting yourself, telling yourself, well, I should, I should be here by now. I should have this figured out. Have you ever just stopped and thought about that? Like, where did it come from? Because it came from somewhere. It's someone's expectations that were placed on you at some point in time. Like, just stop and think about that. Not just what am I thinking, but why am I feeling this way? Where did you learn it? Because it was learned from somewhere. You know, did you learn it from your parents?

5:49A lot of our shoulds, we learn from our parents. Did you learn it from your siblings? Did you learn it from school? Did you learn it from teachers? Did you learn it from bosses of where you should be? And I want you to understand, life is hard enough as it is. You really want to make it harder on yourself by being an asshole to yourself based off of where you think that you should be, but you're not currently there right now. Because if you're the type of person who's listening to this podcast, you're probably somewhat of an overachiever, someone who's trying to improve themselves. That being said, that means that you want to be further along than you currently are, but you're not further along than you currently are.

6:29So life is hard enough as it is. Do you want to be an asshole to yourself because you're not where you quote unquote should be based off of your expectations that were placed on you from other people's expectations early in childhood? Because this is you shaming yourself when you should be your biggest fan. And so often I hear people that their struggle in life is not reality. Their struggle in life is their own fucking mind of saying, I'm not far along enough yet. Like their reality is fine. They've got food, water, shelter, clothing. They've got a couple people that love them. They've got some friends.

7:05They have a pretty decent life. Like if they actually take themselves out of it, it's a pretty decent life. Majority of people listening, you have a pretty decent life. It's not terrible. It might not be where you want it to be as of yet, but it's pretty good. But what happens is we get in our heads and we think, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I should be further along than I currently am. Why do I not have more money? Why do I not have more success? Oh my gosh, that girl that I graduated with, you know, 10 years ago has so much more success than I am. What the hell am I doing with my life?

7:37When in reality, reality is pretty damn good. The turmoil is in your own mind. And the turmoil is you shaming yourself and telling yourself that you should be someone else. When in reality, you should be the biggest fan that you have. You should be the one that's on your side. So who, think about this for a second, who should all over you and decided that You should wear their should and make it yours. And whose shoulds did you take and make yours? There's so many shoulds that so many people have. Like I said, there's what you should be doing when you should be married, when you should have kids, what you should be doing with your life, what you should be doing with your education, what you should do for a job.

8:25Where did your should come from? I had a friend who told me, you know, his parents are immigrants. and he told me everyone in my neighborhood and the way that my parents have viewed basically and raised me my entire life was that I would either be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. A doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. Just think about that for a second. That's somebody else's should. So where did your should come from? You should be in a relationship by now. Who gave you that should? Who should all over you? If you were supposed to be in a relationship by now, guess what? You would be. You would be, but you're not.

9:05Oh, you should be married by now. Okay. Who gave you that should? Who should on you? If you were supposed to be married by now, guess what? You would be. Oh, you should be a doctor. You should be a lawyer. You should be an engineer. Really? Who gave you that should? Who should on you? If you were supposed to be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer, guess what? You would be. You should make a certain amount of money. You should live in a certain part of town. You should call your mother a certain amount of times per day, per week. You should just take everyone else's expectation and put them on top of yourself.

9:47Who gave you those shoulds? You should have a house. You should have kids. You should be saving. You should be taking the safe route. You should go to school. You should believe what your parents believe. You should go to church. You should be happier. You should follow everyone doing what everyone else does. You should have a bigger house, right? There's so many shoulds and all too often people don't take themselves out of their own heads, look at reality and be like, reality's pretty nice. It's not terrible. For the majority of people listening, you have food, water, shelter, clothing. You have the internet.

10:24you can listen to this podcast. You got some pretty decent things going on. There's a lot of things to be grateful for. And when you take yourself out of your own head and you look in the external, you're like, Hey, it's pretty, it's pretty all right, man. Like I have a lot of things that I should be grateful for. But then when you get in your own head and you're thinking, I should be this, I should be that I should be this, I should be that. Well, my mom doesn't accept me if I don't, if I don't like this way, my dad doesn't accept me. If I don't do this and my sister and my aunts and everyone just places expectations on top of other people.

10:55And nobody does it, just FYI, nobody does it to be rude or to be an asshole to you. It's just a lot of other people's fears. What they do is they project them onto you as expectations. But don't take other people's expectations and make them their own, like make them your own. And, you know, we also have on top of that social and societal constructs of what you should do, what you shouldn't do based off of who you are, based off of your age, based off of your skin color, based off your gender, based off your sexual preference. There's just so many shoulds. And what we're doing is we're taking ourselves and our free being that we could be anything and this infinite creator that we could possibly be.

11:40And we're putting ourselves in a box unconsciously. and trying to be what other people want us to be. Being a people pleaser sometimes. But the real question you should ask yourself, that not many people ask themselves, is what do you want? Like, what do you truly want? What do you want to be? What do you want your relationships to look like? What do you want your bank account to look like? What do you want your life to look like? What do you want your body to look like? What do you want your mindset to look like? Like, what do you want? It's crazy how often I'll talk to somebody and they'll tell me all of their shit and I'll say, well, what do you want?

12:15And they're like, well, I, I, and I'm like, what do you want? And what they usually do is they can't come up with what they want, but then they start telling me about other people's expectations, what their, their family want. Well, my mom thinks this, my dad thinks this, and you know, if you know where I come from, then, then this thing, and what happens is people have never really taken a step back and being like, what, what do I want with my life? What do you want? If it isn't hurting anyone else and it feels like your true authentic self, you should do what you want to do. That's my should I'm going to give you.

12:49You should do what you want to do. Is it selfish? No, it's self-preservation, which I don't think people talk enough about because that seems like a lot of people that I talk to, the people around them are trying to make them what they want them to be. They want them to live up to their standards and their expectations. That's not healthy. I'm going to tell you this because no one else will really tell you. Honestly, I don't give a fuck about what your mom thinks about your life or your dad or your family or society or where you should be. I don't care about how much money you have. I don't care if you're married.

13:27I don't care if you're single. I don't care if you're divorced, if you're religious, if you're not religious, what you do and what you don't do. The only thing I care about with people that I sit down and talk to is what do you want to do and are you doing it? You know, when you look at the number one regret of people who are on their deathbed, the number one regret of people who are on their deathbed is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me. I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me.

14:02You know, I think that as Tony Robbins says, success leaves clues. I also think that quote unquote failure leaves clues, regret leaves clues. And so when you look at people who are on their deathbeds and you see like, if you want to, if you want to be a billionaire, wouldn't you want to learn from someone who is a billionaire? If you want to be a millionaire, wouldn't you want to learn from someone who's been a millionaire? If you want an incredible relationship with your spouse, wouldn't you want to learn from someone who's got incredible relationship with her spouse? If you want to be an incredible parent, wouldn't you want to learn from someone who's an incredible parent?

14:31Absolutely. But if you want to have an incredible life, wouldn't you also want to learn from people who are at the end of their lives and said, this got in the way of me making my life incredible? Yeah, of course. And the number one regret of people who are on their deathbeds is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. And so there's all of these shoulds and there's all these expectations that other people place on us, which is fine. but we have to be adults at some point in time and we have to say, I'm not going to blame anybody else anymore.

15:05I'm not going to say it's my mom's fault. It's my dad's fault because I was raised this way and they put their expectations on me. And this is my, what I'm supposed to do. And we have to say, you know what? I'm an adult. I'm 30 years old. I'm 40 years old. I'm 40, 52 years old, however old you are. And you're going to say, you know what? I'm going to, I'm going to take all of these shoulds that I'm placing on top of myself that have never been mine in the first place, but I just started regurgitating them to myself. I'm going to stop shooting all over myself. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to stop living my life for other people and start living it for myself.

15:42Because when I do live it for myself, I'm not saying if you have children, like just leave them on the side of the road, obviously. What I'm saying is when you start living a life that's true to yourself, when you start becoming in more alignment with who you are, when you start following your passion, you become a better person to be around. You become a better parent, become a better spouse, become better brother, sister, whatever it is that you might be. So when are you going to follow what you truly want to do and realize that where you are is where you are? If you say I should be somewhere else.

16:12No, you shouldn't. Because if you were supposed to be there, you would be there. Reality is what reality is. Stop resisting it so much. Accept it. You can make changes to it. But in this moment right now, it is what it is. But when are you going to follow your passion? When are you going to find out what it is that you truly want? When are you going to accept where you currently are and stop thinking that you should be somewhere else or further along or trying to live up to someone else's expectations? If you're listening to this, you're old enough to understand this is your life. If other people don't like what you're doing, but you're not hurting other people, but you're in full alignment with who you're supposed to be, then it is none of their damn business.

16:55So when are you going to start following your passion? When are you going to accept where you currently are and stop thinking that you should be somewhere else or further along and start actually living the life that you truly want? What do you want? What is it? Okay, stop shooting on yourself and start following that thing. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission.

17:24Make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.