The Mindset To More Peace & Happiness

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you're the type of person who wants to learn and grow and get better, and you know that when you learn and grow and get better, that your life is going to be better, hit that subscribe button. I put out episodes four times a week to help you understand yourself so that you can grow, you can get better, you can improve your life. And so if that interests you, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. Today, I'm going to be talking about the mindset to have, to have more peace and happiness right now in this moment with what you have.

0:41And before I dive into it, I want to tell you this. I think that I can speak really deeply about this because I screwed this up for a very, very long time. I was the type of person who thought in order to be happy, I need to go achieve this. In order to be, I will not be happy until I make this much money. Or once I get to this checkpoint in life, then I can finally feel good. But until I'm there, I'm stressed. I'm pissed. I'm just going to be white knuckling my way to the next checkpoint. And so today I'm going to talk to you about some stuff that I've been doing recently and talk really about how to finally be at peace and to find more happiness in your life exactly as it is right now.

1:27One of the things I've really been focusing on for the past, I'd say 10 months or so, maybe, yeah, about 10 months, is I've really been focusing on prioritizing my happiness, prioritizing my peace and happiness. And it's not easy, which is what's really interesting about it. It's not really easy, especially because we live in a society of more. We live in a society where you always have to be achieving. You always have to be working. You always have to be going to the next thing. If you're not achieving, then you're lazy. Too much is never enough. And for me, personally, I developed early on at about 20 years old, I developed this habit, this addiction to working.

2:12I became, you know, I was never addicted to drugs or alcohol or any of that type of stuff, food. Those are never my addictions. My addiction was working because I was like, I need to get to this checkpoint. I need to get to this place of quote unquote success so I can finally feel good. And being a workaholic is basically the only addition that is rewarded and praised in our society because they're like, oh man, you're doing so well. You're making so much money. You're having so much success. And you're like, yeah, I'm doing the right thing. I need to keep going. And so we're really raised from childhood to always be going for the next thing and to never slow down and to never be satisfied with where you are.

2:57If you think about it, from childhood, we go into school and we have to perform in school to get to the next grade, to get to the next grade. And it's like, hey, you better do really good in first grade and start memorizing how to spell cats so that you can get to the second grade. and you better do good in second grade so you can get to third grade and fourth grade and then in middle school and then high school and in high school you better do really well so that you can get to college and then when you get to college you better do really well be so that you can get a good job and then when you get a good job you better do really well so you can get a promotion and it never fucking stops and so we're literally programmed i don't think that it's you know any any like puppeteer out there trying to program us and tell us what to do but we're kind of programmed from childhood, from school to go to the next thing, to always be working for the next thing.

3:49And then what happens is people wake up at 40, 50, 35 years old, sometimes 55 years old. And they're like, what the hell is my life? Like everything that I have, I've achieved, I've done this, I've done exactly what I was supposed to do. And I feel zero fulfillment with where my life is. And so we've kind of been unconsciously programmed. I don't know if we've been consciously programmed to be this way. I know that I definitely felt this way. And, you know, there's a good amount of you listening that have felt this way as well. And I want you to really think about this. Like, how could you possibly be at a deep feeling of peace and happiness if you always want more?

4:36because that that desire for something is telling you something is missing in my life and if something is missing in my life well then I can't have peace and happiness because I've got to get that thing and then I can feel peace and happiness and it's what the the Buddhists call the hungry ghosts. You know, if you imagine a ghost, you know, coming in your room and eating food, it doesn't have a stomach. So as soon as it eats, it's just going to fall on the floor. And so it will never fill its belly. It's always going to be hungry. And it's, it's kind of like, there's a Bob Marley quote that says something along the lines of is if it takes money for you to be happy, you'll never be happy because money is just numbers and numbers never stop.

5:19And so you've really got to start to take a step back. Then hopefully you guys can start to deprogram yourself faster than I was able to. And not saying this isn't still a struggle for me this day, because it's probably still will be forever. But, you know, is there a way that in this moment, without having to achieve anything else, without having to do anything else, without us having to change our position into a meditative position with our legs crossed, but just like in this moment, listening to my voice for you to just take a deep breath and just think to yourself, I want to be happy right now.

5:55Like there's nothing that needs to happen for you to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind. It's not a destination that you get to. We live in a society where you have to, you know, we're, we're supposed to have the newest thing. There's always another phone. There's always another car. There's always another computer. There's always another promotion. There's always more money. If you have a million dollars, well, why don't you have two? And then you have to go for the next thing. It's the newest car, the newest phone, the biggest house, the more clothes, more purses, more toys for your children.

6:28Oh, your neighbor got a boat? Oh, well, then you need to get a boat too. You need a bigger one. You have to keep up with the Joneses. You got to show them who the real cool person is, who's better, who's richer, who's more affluent, right? Like we kind of live in this society where that's a thing. And I don't know about you, but now that I'm approaching 40, I'm like, I don't want to play that game anymore. I hope I live to 100. I don't want to spend the next 60 years of my life going after stuff that makes me feel no different about myself or about the world. I'd rather just focus on me being happy right now in this moment.

7:00Just peace and happiness in this moment without needing anything else. You know, and there was actually a study that was done. I'm going to bring in a few studies to show that what I'm talking about is actually true. And the study was actually called Materialism and Well-Being, a meta-analysis. And the study actually found a strong negative correlation between materialism and well-being. And they found that individuals who prioritize materialistic values tend to report lower levels of happiness and higher levels of anxiety and depression. So it shows you that if you're saying, oh, I just want to get the next car.

7:40I want to get the next thing. and there's materialism, I have no problem with materialism. I have no problem with you going and buying awesome stuff and having fun with it. The only thing I have a problem with is you thinking that that's going to make you happier, give you more peace or fill a void within your soul that makes you feel like you're not worthy. And so the study showed that there was a negative correlation between materialism and well-being. And people who prioritize materialistic have lower levels of happiness and higher levels of anxiety and depression. So if I can remove myself from that thinking based off of what that study says, I should have less anxiety, less depression, and better well-being.

8:19Have you ever like, I tend to do this a lot and I'm a very, I question myself a lot and I like to question everything. I ask why a lot. I was probably an annoying little kid. But have you ever stopped and like actually think why? Like why, why is it that I always want more? Why is it that society always wants more? Why is it that people always feel like they have to have the next thing? They have to go buy another car or another house or make an extra million dollars or go buy whatever it might be. Why is it that we live in this society of more? Have you ever sat and asked yourself why? Like why can't you just be happy with what you have.

9:00And I remember I was reading a book years ago and it was about, um, it was about saving money and it was about, you know, less materialistic stuff. And the first chapter was really, really interesting. And one of the things they said is imagine everything that you've ever bought accumulated into a pile, just in front of you. Say you get to a football field, soccer field, and they just put everything you've ever bought, every car, every piece of clothing, um, all of the wrappers that it came in, your phone, you know, every single thing, and you put it all into one big pile. Imagine how big that pile would be.

9:33And imagine how many things you've had that have just gotten older, and they just stopped working, or you decided to get something, you decided to get the new phone, you decided to upgrade in some sort of way. Imagine how big that pile of things would be. And now look at that pile and realize that it's never made you happy. Nothing in there has ever made you happy for things that you've bought. Now imagine that pile and then imagine that pile multiplied by 8 billion people on earth. And that's how much stuff we have accumulated and created and bought and thrown away and stuff that's gone from one place to another.

10:10You sold it to somebody on Facebook marketplace, whatever it might be. And so it really comes down to, you know, how can we, how can we not need more? We can always get more if we want, But how can we just figure out a way to be grateful for what it is that we have in this moment? There's a study that was called Counting Blessings vs. Burdens, an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in life. Then the study found that people who kept a gratitude journal and listed things that they were grateful for each day reported consistently higher levels of well-being, better sleep, and lower levels of depression compared to those who are focused on daily hassles and materialism.

10:51So once again, all it was saying was that people were focused on gratitude. They had a gratitude journal. And it's funny because eight years ago, gratitude journal is like a new thing. Now it's like everybody talks about gratitude journals. And it seems like a little bit corny and cliche. But the study found that people who have gratitude journals had, and they listed things that they were grateful for and things they were thankful for, reported higher levels of well-being, better sleep, and lower levels of depression than everyone else. And so one of the things I've been doing is I've been trying to think of every single morning when I sit, you know, sometimes I'm in a meditation when I'm doing it, sometimes I'm out on my porch and I'm just drinking coffee, is I try to just make myself feel thankful and just think of the things.

11:34I'm not trying to force it, I'm just thinking about my life and my family and everyone around me and the things that I've, the challenges I've been through. And, um, it's really interesting because I don't know if you've ever gotten to the point before where you just get so grateful for, for something, for someone, for life that you just start tearing up. And it's just, you just having that feeling of like, damn, I am so grateful for my life. That's what we all should try to do every single morning. Imagine if we went in with that feeling and carried through the rest of our day, right? Like I want you to understand that, that I don't want you to think that having things or wanting nice things is bad.

12:14You know, like I don't want you to think that I'm completely anti all of that stuff. Cause I'm not right. I've got cool stuff. It's all fun, but I know none of that stuff is going to fill a void within me. So I don't want you to think that I'm anti nice things, but what I'm really saying to you is like, Hey, can you just decide that you're going to be grateful and happy and more peaceful no matter what. There's nothing else that you need in order to get you there. So you don't have to impress anybody because most people aren't paying attention to you anyways. Most people are so busy paying attention to themselves, they don't even notice you and that's completely okay.

12:48I always say people, no judgment in any sort of way, but people who have Ferraris and Lamborghinis, 99 % of them who have Ferraris or Lamborghinis have them for other people, not for themselves, right? Those things won't bring you happiness. We all think that we're, we're searching for happiness and fulfillment and we are, but what we're really looking for is how can I just feel good in this moment? Like if you look at happiness, if you look at freedom, if you look at fulfillment, all of that gratitude, it's really this feeling of, I feel good right now, right? If I, if I buy that thing, then I will feel good.

13:24No, no, no. I'm going to feel good. And then I'm just going to, I'm just going to carry the feeling, the state of mind of feeling good and feeling happy and feeling peaceful while I go get that thing that I, that I want to get. And people always ask the question, like I get this question. I was actually at an event, I was speaking to a group of CEOs and business owners about three weeks ago. And the average net worth in the room was probably about$30 million. There's a few guys that were in the room that just sold their companies for multiple hundreds of millions of dollars. And I was, I was talking about kind of the same thing I'm talking about right here.

13:58And one guy raised his hand and he goes, Hey, but if, and I hear this question a lot, he goes, Hey, but if I am grateful and happy with what I have, won't I lose all of my motivation? Like, will I still be motivated if I don't desire things? Yeah. Because you, your motivation could come from lack of self-worth and buying things and achieving things to fill the void, or your motivation can come from doing something great. Like trying to find, trying to find like real true motivation. It's the difference between intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation. And I did a podcast episode on this a few weeks ago, which is the difference between intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation.

14:38But really, can we stop worrying about being extrinsically motivated about the things that we're going to buy and the things we're going to do in the achievements and the badges and the degrees and all those things and start saying like, what is it that would make me feel good? What would give me lasting fulfillment? There was a study that was done that was called intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. And the study highlighted the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic, basically what it is, is driven by internal rewards and personal growth. And when people are intrinsically motivated, they found that they have greater psychological well-being and persistence in activities compared to extrinsic motivation, which is driven by the external rewards.

15:20So there was actually that study proved that the people who were intrinsically motivated, they found the reason why, not like buying stuff, but the reason why impacted themselves, improving themselves, improving the world, doing it for their family. They had greater well-being and more persistence than the people who were just like trying to buy things or being extrinsically motivated. And so it really comes down to like, okay, I'm getting this. there's studies that show it. Can I just get myself into a place of gratitude every morning and set that, set myself up for that, set myself up for happiness.

15:56And, and like I said, happiness is a state of mind. It's not a destination that you get to, you know, if you get in your car and you want to drive somewhere, like if I want to drive to Dallas, that's my location of where I'm trying to get to, right? That is my, my destination. Getting in my car, quote unquote, getting in my car every single morning for how I want my day to feel and saying I want to feel happy is not my destination. That's not where I'm trying to go. It's kind of like what's the music that I'm listening to on that journey? How am I going to feel as I'm driving that car to Dallas?

16:30It's not the destination. It's the state of mind I'm going to be in the entire time. And how do you get yourself into a better state of mind? Realize, find some gratitude. Think about this. Some people are like, oh, my life is so terrible. There's always someone who has a worse life than you. And, you know, 150 ,000 people died yesterday and you can't find one thing to be grateful for. Every single one of those people, all 150 ,000 people, if they had the opportunity to switch places with you, all of them would, which shows you that your life is not that bad. Your heart is beating. You are breathing.

17:02You probably have a few people that love you. You have food, water, shelter, clothing, most likely. If you're listening to this podcast, you can probably afford to at least stay alive. That's something to be grateful for. right? So you can find stuff to be grateful for if you're searching for it. The problem is that most of us are searching for what we don't have. What you want to do is you want to search for what you have and be grateful for the things that you have. And if you go from there, you'll actually have greater levels of persistence when you have that intrinsic motivation, being grateful for what you have and working towards something greater.

17:33So that is the key to being happier and more peaceful. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in at Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If you love this podcast, you'll definitely love Mindset Mentor Plus, which is something that I just launched. You know, this podcast, you can listen to it very passively, but I've really been working at how can I help you actively integrate each podcast episode into your life. And so Mindset Mentor Plus, what we do is we have worksheets, multi-page worksheets that come printable, everything for you to work through and not just listen to this episode, but take this entire episode, be able to read through it, be able to read through extra stuff.

18:12It's like a mini masterclass for every single episode. We go deeper into every single topic. I give journaling questions for you to go through, assignments for you to go through so that you can really integrate every single one of these podcast episodes into your life. If you want to learn more about it, go to mindsetmentor.com. Once again, mindsetmentor.com. Also as part of it, there's a community of all of the people who are Mindset Mentor Plus that are people who are learning, growing, improving themselves. I also do Q &A sessions inside of there as well. And so if you want to learn more, just go to mindsetmentor.com.

18:43And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.